1. WHAT IS A STATEMENT OF PURPOSE?

The Statement of Purpose is the single most important part of your application that will tell the admissions
commitee who you are, what has influenced your career path so far, your professional interests and where you plan to
go from here.

As the name signifies, the Statement of Purpose is your personal statement about who you are, what has influenced
your career path so far, your professional interests and where you plan to go from here. It need not be a bald
statement of facts; several successful SoPs address these questions through anecdotes, stories or by describing their
hero. But whether your SoP is subtle or to the point, it must be well written to be successful. (What is a successful
SoP?)

This is because the SoP is the only part of your application packet over which you have full control. Your
academic and extra-curricular records are in the past. Most people only take one or two shots at the GMAT, GRE or
TOEFL, and these scores could be adversely affected by conditions on the test day. It is important to choose
recommendation letter writers carefully, but while you hope they give you the best possible recommendation, this is
not within your control.

The SoP is your chance to talk directly to the admissions committee. To make yourself stand out from among a
multitude of similarly qualified candidates. To convince the committee that you have the spark, the thirst for
knowledge that could add value to your class.

Most of us work hard for the standard tests - the GRE, GMAT, TOEFL and others. We attend classes or peruse
study aids. We give practice tests and do everything within our power to aim for the highest possible score. Because
we know that these test scores, while not a perfect tool, are crucial to our chances of gaining admission and even a
scholarship or assistantship.

The SoP or essay, on the other hand, is put off till the last possible moment. It scares us when we look at those
oh-so-perfect essay examples in the admissions guidebooks and wonder how we can ever write so well. Or wonder
what shining instance we can pick out of our normal, average lives to show that we are unique and remarkable. Or
how to pick our way through the minefield of endless Do's and Don'ts. Or, after overcoming all these obstacles, we
falter at the seemingly endless revisions, wondering if this latest draft is good enough (If I read that essay once more,
I'll scream!). Finally we write something, because time's a-pressing and we have to meet the application deadline. We
do our best, juggling the writing process with the last-minute paraphernalia of applying-checking forms for errors and
completeness, collating the application packets, making sure transcripts, recommendations, work samples and
resumes go in their right envelopes, worrying about transit times. We feel thankful when the essay is over, do a quick
scan for obvious mistakes, and send it on its way.

If you do it this way, you are practically throwing away your chances of admission (see the next section, What
do Schools look for in a Statement of Purpose?). A good SoP will certainly improve your chances of getting admission
to the school of your choice, and even compensate for weaker portions of your application such as less-than-perfect
grades. A bad SoP, on the other hand, has the potential to drag down an otherwise strong application.

If you plan correctly, you can give yourself enough time to submit a well-written, thoughtful, polished essay
that will boost your chances for admission. Equally important, this is a great opportunity to look inside yourself and be
rewarded by a better understanding of who you are.

Writing a reasonably good Statement of Purpose is not an impossible task. It requires care, attention and
patience. And enough time for you to be able to write several drafts, show them to people and polish the essay till you
get a version you are happy with.
Done right, this will even turn out to be an enjoyable process. And you will be the richer for it. Read on.

2. WHAT DO COLLEGES LOOK FOR IN A STATEMENT OF PURPOSE?

The primary question admissions committee members ask themselves when they read a Statement of Purpose
is: What does this essay tell me about the person who wrote it?

Put yourself in an admission officer's shoes. From among thousands of applications, you have to choose the
fraction of students that will comprise next year's incoming class. A mix of interesting, confident and enthusiastic
people who will make the class a stimulating place. Academic achievements and good test scores are important. But in
an era where the majority of applicants have good academic records, it becomes increasingly difficult to distinguish
between individuals and decide who gets the offer of admission.

When you apply, each of the items in the application packet -recommendations, extra-curricular achievements,
work samples - adds an extra dimension to your personality. But it is the SoP that brings you to life. Which is why
each essay is read carefully by at least two and often four or five people before a decision is taken on the application.

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 Does this mean that the SoP is the main deciding factor? No. Your academic record, grades and the courses you
took are the first section admission committee members turn to. Standardized test scores are useful to know where
you stand in the applicant pool. For graduate schools, relevant work or academic experience is important. Being from a
reputed school or college confers a distinct advantage. What your teachers or boss think of you goes a long way
towards the school's opinion. A good work sample can show your creativity, skill and professionalism.

However, only the SoP or application essays can bring out your uniqueness. And therefore make or break your
application. An applicant who does not take the essay seriously is throwing away the best opportunity available.
So are the admission officers looking for specific personality sorts? Well, yes and no. Creativity, curiosity, pride
in your work, an enthusiasm for learning, a capacity for teamwork, the ability to think independently and so on are all
good attributes, and most of us share these in varying proportions. But what schools look for is a mix of individuals
that together, form a well-balanced class. This would include several personality types.

It is good to go through the school's brochure or web site, speak to people about it, visit if that is possible; get
a feel of the student mix that they look for and decide if this is the school for you. However, trying to tailor your SoP
to reflect what you think the school is looking for is dangerous business. The people who read your application have
been doing so for years and are skilled at spotting fakes. They are likely to know soon if a particular author is saying
something for effect or if an essay does not ring true. And that means almost certain rejection.

What is this, you might ask. Of course we want to have an effect on the admissions officers. The important
thing is to do so without appearing dishonest. If, for instance, you talk about your deep desire to make society a
better place, your application should reflect it. Have you done anything about this desire? Can you talk about your
actions and experiences? A small example of something you did, not necessarily spectacular, can do more towards
boosting your chances than the noblest platitude can.

Don’t try to be something you are not. Don’t try to tell the admissions committee what you think they want to
hear. Be honest, look inside yourself and do your best.

Which brings us to the next point - self-knowledge. The people who read your essay want to be convinced that
you have thought long and hard about who you are, what the things you appreciate are, what inspires you. What you
want out of life, and where you are going from here. It is not necessary to have all the answers. After all, several
admirable people have no idea where they are going even at age 40 or 50. It is necessary to show that you have
thought about this. And that these life experiences have taught you something.

Finally, you have to show a desire to learn, from your books and teachers, from your classmates, from music or
art, from life itself.
Too vague for you? Turn to the section on starting your SoP and find out how these attributes translate into
concrete steps. Read the section on.

3. Starting the essay

Writing your admissions essays or Statement of Purpose (SoP) is a long and intensive process - ten to twelve
drafts over a two-month period are fairly common. It is necessary to put in this hard work to come up with an essay
that is uniquely yourself, and a compelling read which convinces the admissions committee that you are right for their
school. This is a great opportunity to look inside yourself and be rewarded by a better understanding of who you are
and what you want.

3.1. Preliminary Research

Write out your resume. It is best to get this out of the way so that your SoP is not a repetition of the
information in the resume. It should instead, use the resume as a reference and highlight the learning you have
received during some key points in your career. There are a number of sites that help you to write a suitable resume
for your college applications. You could also browse your local bookstore for resume-writing aids.

Research the universities you are considering applying to. Find out the strengths and weaknesses of each. Good
sources for this exercise are - university and department web sites and brochures, home pages of students, your
seniors or friends who are studying at that university or in the same field elsewhere, your college professors, friends in
the same field. If it is possible for you to access the university's web site, find out which professors work in areas that
interest you and write to them about your plans. Some professors respond, some don't - but you have nothing to lose
at this stage. In fact, you could gain a better idea about the areas of research emphasized upon by that particular
department. After finding out some details about your potential universities, decide whether you still wish to apply
there. While you should start work on this as early as possible, recognize that it is a long process and will continue
through the various stages of writing your SoP. At the same time, you will have to draw the line at background
research sometime as you are working on a timetable.

Visit some web sites that talk about how to write your essay. A search for 'college admission essays' on Yahoo
will yield some sites. Check out the sample essays. If you do not have easy access to the Internet, go to your local
bookstore and browse through a few books. In India, 'The Princeton Review: The Student Access Guide to College

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Admissions' is good and easily available. Read their section on application essays. Remember that the essays you read
are usually the best the authors could find. You are not expected to write as well; most people who get admission to
top schools do not.

3.2. Background issues

Ask yourself why you want to study further. Take a piece of paper and start writing down all the reasons. Spend
about half an hour on this, so that you can go beyond clichéd ideas like wanting to improve your prospects or
contribute to society. Write a few sentences on any reason that particularly strikes a chord with you.

Make lists of instances you can use in your SoP. For example, if you've been asked to talk about an important
event in your life, list down events that have made a significant impression on you. Don't worries if these are events
that are not 'conventionally' important or seem insignificant; what matters is that they have had some influence over
you. Similarly, make a list of people you admire or who have influenced you - this could be a friend, a family member,
a teacher, etc. and need not necessarily be a famous person.

Go through your resume and reflect on what you have learned from your various experiences. How have they
molded your interests and led you to this point? Pick one or two cases that you can talk about in-depth. For graduate
school, it is best to take at least one professional situation and show what you did and learned.

Make a list of schools you plan to apply to. As you continue through the background check, you will add a few
universities and delete several. A final shortlist of ten to fifteen schools is common. Ask yourself why you wish to study
at each of the schools you have listed. For graduate study, it is important to ensure that your interests are compatible
with the research interests of the department you are applying to. As you progress through the background check and
understand more about your interests through subsequent revisions of the SoP, add to and improve the list.

4. Writing the Essay

Read the essay question carefully to find out what the university expects you to write about. While you don't
have to stick to the questions asked, you must be sure to answer them all in your SoP. Refer to your lists of
background research and write about two handwritten pages in response to the essay question. Go through them the
next day.

Remember that your essay has the following objectives:

Show your interest in the subject. Rather than saying that you find electronics interesting, it is more convincing
to demonstrate your interest by talking about any projects you may have done and what you learnt from them. If you
have taken the initiative to do things on your own, now is the time to talk about them

Show that you have thought carefully about further studies, know what you are getting into, and have the
confidence to go through with it. Have the admissions committee like you! Avoid sounding opinionated, conceited,
pedantic or patronizing. Read your essay carefully, and have others read it to find and correct this.

Demonstrate a rounded personality. Include a short paragraph near the end on what you like to do outside of
your professional life. Keep the essay focussed. Each sentence you use should strengthen the admissions committee's
resolve to admit you. So while you may have done several interesting things in life, avoid falling into the trap of
mentioning each of them. Your essay should have depth, not breadth. The resume is where you should list
achievements. Remember that you have very little space to convey who you are, so make every sentence count.

Pitfalls your essay must avoid : It is a repetition of the resume or other information available from the
application form, It could have been written by just about anybody; your individuality does not come through, It is
not a honest account in response to the essay question (why you want to study what you do, what you have learned
from an event/person in your life and so on) It has embarrassing, highly personal and emotional content that should
be avoided unless it makes a unique, creative point. The admissions committee would not appreciate reading about
the pain you went through after breaking up with your boyfriend. An account of how you overcame difficult family
circumstances, illness, or a handicap, would be a valid point to include in your essay. However, avoid emotional
language.

5. Editing and Rewriting

Language Guidelines

Take another 7-8 days to write 3-4 more drafts. Go through the objectives and pitfalls often. Refer to, and edit
your lists as you go along.

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 Flow

While each paragraph should make a complete statement on its own, the essay should logically progress from
paragraph to paragraph. Read your essay for flow, or have someone else read it, and ask yourself if there seems to be
an abrupt shift between ideas in two consecutive paragraphs.

Structure

This follows naturally from flow. Do all the paragraphs mesh together to form a cogent whole? Does the essay,
through a logical progression of ideas, demonstrate your interest, enthusiasm, and fit in the department you have
applied to?

Language

Avoid slang and abbreviations. For acronyms, use the full form the first time and show the acronym in
parentheses. Use grammatically correct English and ALWAYS read your essay carefully for spelling mistakes before you
send it off - your computer's spellchecker may not flush out all the errors. Try to make your essay crisp, cutting out
unnecessary adverbs, articles and pronouns (for instance, a careful reading may yield several "these" that are
superfluous).

Tone

Use a consistent tone throughout the essay - it will only confuse the admissions officers if you alternately sound
like Ernest Hemingway and Shakespeare, and is hardly likely to endear you to them! While you should avoid flowery
language and clichés, there is no harm in looking for the most apt phrase or sentence. Be careful while using humor -
it can misfire and harm your chances.

6. Polishing the essay

So now you have a coherent essay put together. You think the structure is more or less right, the ideas flow,
and the language isn’t bad. What next?

6.1. The ‘In their shoes’ check

Put your essay away for a day or two. When you take it out, lay it face down for two minutes while you put
yourself in the admissions committee’s place. Imagine yourself to be a professor or graduate student who is going
through a few hundred applications and classifying them into ‘yes’, ‘maybe’ and ‘no’ piles. Think of how you would look
at SoPs and try to read yours through a stranger’s eyes. What do you see?

• Remember that for graduate school, your essay need not be great writing. What the school is looking for
is a competently written statement of goals and interests that demonstrates how you think, whether you
have thought through this decision to apply, and whether your interests and strengths fit in with the
program you are applying to. To this end, they expect to see the following in an essay
• What areas are you interested in and why,
• How well defined your interests are,
• Are these interests based on experience (academic or on the job) that the school may find useful,
• Where do you see these interests taking you,
• How do you think graduate school will help you,
• What experience have you had that will help? Does your essay cover these points? Does it do so in an
honest and interesting manner? Many of the students applying will have backgrounds similar to yours, so
avoid clichéd ideas.
• Are you repeating information that is available from the resume? Do so very sparingly, and only if you
are making a point about your learning or achievements during that experience. Weed out all other
information that sounds like repetition (it will only irritate the reader), or can be included in your
resume, or does not actively contribute towards making a point in your essay.
• Does your essay have an interesting beginning? This need not be witty, but should persuade the reader
to stay with you.
• Have you talked about specific incidents that illustrate your interest or familiarity with the subject, or
show something about you? These incidents might include, for example:
o A college or work project that was instrumental in confirming your interest in the field (be
sure to include a recommendation from your guide!),

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 o Extra-curricular activities that brought out useful aspects in you (leadership skills or team
activities are particularly helpful for business school applications!),
o A book or person who had a strong influence on you.
• Does the essay bring out your personality? Or could it have been written by just about anybody?
• Have you mentioned why you are applying to that particular school? Does this section of the essay
demonstrate that you have researched the school and the program? DON’T stop at the standard formula
phrase, ‘I am applying to XYZ because of its great reputation in _______.’
• Does your essay flow smoothly? If it is choppy and abruptly jumps from paragraph to paragraph, your
readers will have a tough time keeping up. Make it easy on them – smoothen the transition between
paragraphs.
• Is the tone too formal or not formal enough? Be professional yet informal – the tone you would take with
your Principal or Head of Department, for instance.
• Does the essay end well? Does it leave the reader with a sense of completion? Avoid usage of clichés
like, ‘I hope the admissions committee finds my application up to their expectations’.

These self-check will yield a few ideas for improvement. Use it at least 3-4 times during this last stage of
polishing up your SoP.

6.2. Showing your stuff around

It is essential to show your SoP to a few people whose opinion you respect – an English teacher from school, a
professor, an older friend, a parent or a relative. Include among these, 2-3 people who know you well. Ask your
readers to pay particular attention to the following points:

• The beginning and the end – do they hold interest?

• The logical and smooth flow of ideas – does each paragraph smoothly give way to the next?
• The structure – does each paragraph bring home a central idea and contribute to the overall ‘feel’ of
the essay? Are the paragraphs in proper positions?
• The style and language – are they appropriate and consistent? Does the essay have too many cliches?
Does it repeat particular words or phrases too often? Does it have too many superlatives?
• The tone – is it unnecessarily boastful or overly modest?
• The quality of the essay – is it boring? Does it bring out the writer’s personality? Does it include
superfluous information? Or conversely, are there incidents or aspects the essay should mention?

Ask your readers to write their comments on the essay. Also, spend some time discussing it with them. Listen
to their suggestions carefully but remember that this is your essay. You don’t have to implement every suggestion,
only those that make sense to you.

6.3. The final printout

Once you have the final draft ready (you have to stop sometime!), do the following before you take a final
printout:

• Run a spelling and grammar check.

• Read the essay carefully two-three times for spelling or grammar errors the program did not detect.
• Look for and correct any anomalies in spacing, font and margins.
• Choose a readable font and size, nothing fancy. Avoid special effects like underlining, boldface and
italics (except in the title, if you have one). Don’t use colors. Don’t use special stationery or your
letterhead.
• Make sure that the school and program mentioned in the essay are correct. THIS IS VERY
IMPORTANT.
• Include a header in the top right-hand corner with your name and the name of the program you are
applying to. Use a smaller font size for this.
• Take a rough print and show it to someone else who can read it over carefully for errors and
anomalies.
• As far as possible, print out your SoP on a separate sheet of paper. Make sure that the printer
cartridge is good enough to print clear, crisp copies. Put in a good-quality sheet of white paper. Keep
the printed copy carefully in a folder till you are ready to transfer it to the application envelope.

If you must print or write your essay on the application form it, take a photocopy of the form. Print or write the
essay on the copy first, to ensure that it fits easily in the space provided. If it doesn’t, and you don’t have the option of
attaching more pages, cut portions of the essay to reduce its length. This is painful, but a much better idea than
reducing font size to unreadable levels or using tiny, cramped handwriting – the essay should never cause strain while
reading. While writing by hand, use a good pen, write slowly and carefully and if necessary, draw light pencil lines on
the form to ensure that your letters are uniform and in a straight line.

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 (accepted.com)

1. Writing Your Statement of Purpose for Grad School (accepted.com)

The graduate school statement of purpose is your chance to demonstrate your unique qualifications for and
commitment to your chosen field by discussing those experiences, people, and events that compelled you to pursue it.

That's a lot to accomplish--especially in the typical two-to-three pages allowed for your statement. You can find
the key to success by focusing on a few illustrative incidents as opposed to giving a superficial overview. Remember:
Detail, specificity, and concrete examples will make your essay distinctive and interesting. Generalities and platitudes
that could apply to every other grad school applicant will bore. If you use them, you'll just blur into one of the crowd.

Following "Ten Do's and Don'ts for Your Statement of Purpose" will help you write a compelling, focused essay,
one that will transform you from a collection of numbers and classes into an interesting human being.

2. Ten Do's and Don'ts for Your Statement of Purpose

The Do's:

1. Unite your essay and give it direction with a theme or thesis. The thesis is the main point you want to
communicate.
2. Before you begin writing, choose what you want to discuss and the order in which you want to discuss
it.
3. Use concrete examples from your life experience to support your thesis and distinguish yourself from
other applicants.
4. Write about what interests you, excites you. That's what the admissions staff wants to read.
5. Start your essay with an attention-grabbing lead -- an anecdote, quote, question, or engaging
description of a scene.
6. End your essay with a conclusion that refers back to the lead and restates your thesis.
7. Revise your essay at least three times.
8. In addition to your editing, ask someone else to critique your statement of purpose for you.
9. Proofread your personal statement by reading it out loud or reading it into a tape recorder and playing
back the tape.
10. Write clearly, succinctly.

The Don'ts:

1. Don't include information that doesn't support your thesis.

2. Don't start your essay with "I was born in...," or "My parents came from..."
3. Don't write an autobiography, itinerary, or résumé in prose.
4. Don't try to be a clown (but gentle humor is OK).
5. Don't be afraid to start over if the essay just isn't working or doesn't answer the essay question.
6. Don't try to impress your reader with your vocabulary.
7. Don't rely exclusively on your computer to check your spelling.
8. Don't provide a collection of generic statements and platitudes.
9. Don't give mealy-mouthed, weak excuses for your GPA or test scores.
10. Don't make things up.

So far we've emphasized content, but of course, persuasive writing requires good style, grammar, vocabulary,
usage, etc. You know those nit-picky details that most people prefer not to think about. Well if you prefer to continue
not thinking about them or if you don't think you know enough about them to ensure good writing, check out
Accepted.com's review and editing service. If you just want a quick brush-up on writing fundamentals, visit Ten
Tips for Better Writing.

But wait. Before putting the pieces together, what if you are still not sure how to develop a unifying theme? Or
perhaps you don't know which experiences to focus on, or simply lack confidence in your writing skills, or have
suddenly developed an acute case of blank-screen-it is!?!

3. Ten Tips for Better Writing

1. Express yourself in positive language. Say what is, not what is not.

2. Use transitions between paragraphs. Transitions tie one paragraph to the next. A transition can be a word,
like later, furthermore, additionally, or moreover; a phrase like: After this incident...; or an entire

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 sentence. If you are writing about Topic A and now want to discuss Topic B, you can begin the new
paragraph with a transition such as "Like (or unlike) Topic A, Topic B..."

3. Vary your sentence structure. It’s boring to see subject, verb, and object all the time. Mix simple, complex,
and compound sentences.

4. Understand the words you write. You write to communicate, not to impress the admissions staff with your
vocabulary. When you choose a word that means something other than what you intend, you neither
communicate nor impress. You do convey the wrong message or convince the admissions officer that you
are inarticulate.

5. Look up synonyms in a thesaurus when you use the same word repeatedly. After the DELETE key, the
thesaurus is your best friend. As long as you follow Tip 4, using one will make your writing more
interesting.

6. Be succinct. Compare:
During my sophomore and junior years, there was significant development of my maturity and markedly
improved self-discipline towards school work.
During my sophomore and junior years, I matured and my self-discipline improved tremendously.

The first example takes many more words to give the same information. The admissions officers are
swamped; they do not want to spend more time than necessary reading your essay. Say what you have to
say in as few words as possible. Tips 7, 8, and 9 will help you to implement this suggestion.

7. Make every word count. Do not repeat yourself. Each sentence and every word should state something new.

8. Avoid qualifiers such as rather, quite, somewhat, probably, possibly, etc.

You might improve your writing somewhat if you sometimes try to follow this suggestion.
The example contains nonsense. Deleting unnecessary qualifiers will strengthen your writing 1000%.
Equivocating reveals a lack of confidence. If you do not believe what you write, why should the admissions
officer?

9. Use the active voice. Compare:

The application was sent by the student. (Passive voice)
The student sent the application. (Active voice)

They both communicate the same information. The active voice, however, is more concise; it specifies who
is performing the action and what the object is. The passive voice is wordier and frequently less clear.

10. Read and reread Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White. Containing basic rules of
grammar, punctuation, composition, and style, this indispensable classic is available in paperback and is
only eighty-five pages long.

Sample Essay 1 (accepted.com)

The Environmental Studies Student

Two scenes stand out in my mind from my visit to Brazil’s Wetland: Forests burning before seed planting and
trees as hedgerows. Before the planting season, I could see the leafless remnants of burnt trees still standing. The
burning of pristine forests destroys both the habitats and countless species which depend on and thrive in these
habitats. The few remaining bare, scarred trees silently convey the cost to our natural resources of pursuing our
economic interests. Some forests are preserved by government edict issued in response to international pressure. But
most of this preservation occurs alongside major roads — not to protect the ecosystem, but to prevent disturbance to
ranches and farms along the highways. The clash between economic and environmental concerns that I witnessed in
Brazil fascinates me and attracts me to the Environmental Studies Program.
Two courses in my geography department increased my interest in the connection between the environment
and economics: Conservation of Underdeveloped Countries and Environmental Impact Analysis. In the former, we
studied the problems of natural resource management in developing countries. The balance is always tilted toward
economics growth at the expense of environmental preservation. For example, because the Pantanal Wetland could
become a highly productive agricultural system once it’s drained, it is drained regardless of the destruction that
drainage causes to the ecosystem. Only portions of the wetland are preserved for tourist purposes.
The other course that piqued my interest is an interdisciplinary course called Environmental Impact Analysis in
which we, as a group, created matrix and flow diagrams discussing the economic and environmental impact of logging
and preservation of old growth forests. I was able to use tools that I acquired in my economics and environmental
studies classes. In general, logging creates economic benefits at the local level. It increases employment in the timber
industry and subsequently in related non-timber industries; it also benefits local government. Yet, it has great
deleterious environmental effects: soil erosion, watershed destruction, and a decrease in specie diversity due to loss of
habitat. The logging industry represents the classic clash between economic and environmental interests.

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 I also took two sequential classes in the economics department that are related to Resource Management —
Theories of Growth & Development and Policies for Economic Development. Because the courses were taught by a
professor who is concerned chiefly with economic growth, I learned the standard economic rationalizations for
development unrestrained by environmental concerns.
In addition to my interest in resource management policies, I have a specific interest in Geographical
Information System (GIS), a powerful tool for natural resource management. After taking several related classes in
GIS, I began interning for the National Park Service (NPS). After I learn how to use ARC/INFO, a leading GIS package,
I will assist the NPS in constructing projects. Some of my duties include spatial and non-spatial data analysis, digitizing
themes such as fire locations, vegetation, wildlife habitats, etc., and tabular and graphical presentation of results. I
hope to use the tools I acquire during this internship in my continuing study of our environment.
I would like to study the social and economic factors that influence environmental policy formation. For
example, because people worry more about pollution than endangered species, laws and regulations concerning
environmental pollution are more numerous and stricter than for bio-diversity. Within the School of Environmental
Studies, I have a particular interest in the emphasis: Economics, Policy, and Management. This emphasis deals with
how economic factors can create negative externalities, such as pollution, and need to be regulated. This emphasis
also tries to consider non-economic values, such as aesthetic pleasure and specie diversity. It also discusses tools like
GIS and system analysis that apply to environmental management. Because of my interest in GIS, economics, and
environmental studies, this emphasis suits me perfectly. Furthermore, the interdisciplinary approach of the School of
Environmental Studies attracts me since it combines social science’s strengths with a knowledge of the natural
sciences necessary to protect and preserve the environment.
After completing my masters program, I would like to continue my education and obtain a Ph.D. in natural
resource management. This degree would enable me to combine a teaching career with advising business and
government on natural resource management issues. Teaching college students is more than a one-way channel; I
would also learn from their questions like my professors have from mine. In advising business and government, I can
help them strike a balance between economic and environmental concerns. GIS will be a useful tool in helping me give
them crucial information.
I have enjoyed an interdisciplinary approach in my environmental studies major and become fascinated by the
clash between social interests, especially economics, and environmental needs. I pursued an additional major in
economics to better understand this conflict. Furthermore, my work for the NPS will train me in the latest techniques
in natural resource management. I would like to continue exploring this clash and resource management in the School
of Environmental Studies. Ultimately, I would like to teach and work in natural resource management. Ideally, I would
like to find ways for allowing development while preventing the burning of beautiful and valuable eco-systems like the
Pantanal Wetland.

Sample Essay 2

The Engineering Student

A simple bridge truss was the first structure I ever analyzed. The simple combination of beams that could hold
cars, trains, and trucks over long spans of water fascinated me. Having the tools to analyze the loads on the truss
further increased my interest in structures. I encountered the bridge in a textbook for my first engineering class.
Knowing that the professor, Mr. John Doe, was a tough teacher, I asked him for the textbook so I could study
and get ready for the class over the summer. Just arrived from Belize, I was determined to succeed. In class we
learned about forces on simple members and then we put the members together to form a simple truss. At this point I
had almost decided that structural engineering was the career for me. From there the class just took off: We went on
to frames, distributed loads, considered friction; basically we were incorporating real world considerations into
structural members. I loved the practical, problem solving aspects of the field.
At UC my classes were even more advanced. In my analysis and design classes, I especially enjoyed studying
steel design because we not only learned the use of the load resistance factor design but also applied that knowledge
— I designed a four-story building. The professor was a practicing engineer, and he always related the subject to real
life steel structures he had engineered, for example, the SB Medical Center, an all steel building with a base isolated
campus. This is the kind of project on which I would like to work, designing the structure and considering how the
building will respond to ground motion. After two quarters of structural analysis, I had come as close as possible to
analyzing real world structures. Looking back I realize, I had learned great tools for structural analysis, but my "tool
box" was still inadequate. I lacked a very important tool: finite element analysis. According to my professor, finite
element analysis has revolutionized structural analysis.
Although I liked my classes, my internship experiences really confirmed my interest in structural engineering.
While working at Caltrans as a student volunteer, I reviewed computer grading output for streets under construction.
The computer suggested numbers for the road grading, and I had to plot the numbers and make sure there were no
abrupt grade changes so the water can drain off easily to the sides of the road. It was exciting to know that I was the
last checkpoint before the whole project went for approval. It was enjoyable working on something real — Main Street
— but I was somewhat disappointed I did not have the chance to work on any structures.
At UC I volunteered through the Student Research Program to work in the geotechnical library. I worked
directly with a doctoral student and helped him to develop a geotechnical data base for the local area. I interpreted the
data Caltrans had collected and recorded it in a form accessible to the computer and easy to read. It took hours to
finish the job, but I enjoyed the precision involved so I did not mind putting in the time. My supervisor liked my work

8
so much, he hired me to continue the project during the summer. Working on this project also showed me the
importance of soils in determining buildings’ responses to earthquakes and awakened my interest in the response of
skyscrapers to seismic stress and movement.
At First Choice U, I plan to enroll in the structural engineering and geomechanics program. In this program I
hope to draw on my structural analysis and geotechnical research background as a foundation for studying more
advanced concepts. I am particularly interested in researching the ties between the structural engineering,
geomechanics, and applied mechanics. I believe research is necessary to acquire data and formulate theories, but it is
just as important to know how to apply those theories and use that data in the real world. I hope to be involved in
some structurally related research at First Choice U. I am particularly interested in two research facilities: The
Structures and Composites Laboratory and the Earthquake Engineering Center.
After completing my degree in engineering and working on engineering projects, I know I want to design
structures. That is what has fascinated me since I took Mr. Doe’s class. I also know, however, that designing
structures of a complexity that appeals to me requires "more tools in my toolbox." Those I can acquire only by
continuing my education. To be competent and competitive I will need a masters degree. After completing my degree,
I would like to work for an American engineering consulting firm and engineer complex structures and tall buildings,
perhaps focusing on the problems surrounding designing for earthquakes. My long-term goals are to return to Belize
and found my own engineering consulting firm there.
Structural engineering will allow me to pursue a career where I can be creatively involved in problem-solving
and design functional structures, like the simple truss bridge that initially captivated me in Mr. Doe’s class. My classes,
work at Caltrans, and internship in geotechnical engineering have increased my knowledge of and interest in structural
engineering since I first looked at the textbook shortly after my arrival in the U.S. A masters degree will give me the
up-to-date tools and knowledge to be competitive and competent.

Sample Essay 3

MPH Essay

What if people lived healthier lives, practiced preventive medicine, and took precautions against illness and
disease? My days in the physical therapy department often made me think about the prevention of injuries as well as
the injuries themselves. I was already doubting my future career choice as a physical therapist. Although I loved the
science of it and helping people, the lack of variety within the field and its limited options for growth bothered me. I
needed a career that helped a large number of people, emphasized prevention and primary care rather than tertiary
care, and would continually challenge and motivate me to improve. Knowing that I really did not want to pursue
physical therapy as I had originally planned, my thoughts wandered to the area of public health, particularly health
management.
My first true introduction to the public health arena came in a class offered through the Big U School of Public
Health. As I listened to experts speak about contemporary health issues, I was intrigued. The world of "capitation,"
"rationing of care," and Medicaid fascinated me as I saw the range of problems that public health professionals were
trying to solve in innovative ways. This one semester class provided me with a basic but thorough understanding of
the issues faced in health care today. In the last two years I have continued to learn about public health both through
coursework and work in the field.
Because field experience is such a valuable learning tool, I searched for a research assistant position that would
allow me to view public health at a different level. I worked on a project at a county health clinic in Englewood, a low-
income, minority community. The program attempted to increase treatment compliance rates for adolescents
diagnosed with tuberculosis who must complete a six-month medical program. Working for the county exposed me to
a different side of health care that I had previously seen. Service and organization were not assets of the county and
yet its role in the public health "ecosystem" was and is critical. Its job of immunizing thousands and interacting with all
members of the community is often forgotten, but is important for keeping an entire community healthy.
My work at the county health clinic as well as my knowledge of some areas of public health led me to accept an
internship in Washington D.C. this past summer. The internship provided me with a greater understanding of a federal
public health agency’s operations and allowed me to contribute in a variety of ways to the XYZ Department in which I
worked. Most importantly I worked on "policy issues" which involved identifying and summarizing problems that were
out of the ordinary as well as documenting resolved issues in order to establish protocols to increase the department’s
efficiency. In addition I served on a scientific review panel which was responsible for editing a seventy-page proposed
regulation before its submission.
Along with my duties at XYZ, I attended seminars and met with public health leaders at different functions and
events. All these activities confirmed my growing interest in preventive medicine, outcomes and effectiveness, and
quality of care, particularly within the private/managed care sector. These are my strongest interests because I believe
they are fundamental to our nation’s health. We must achieve efficiency and access without sacrificing quality.
The University of ____ would help me achieve my goals of furthering my public health education through the
specialize coursework offered as part of its health administration program. [The client provides specifics here about the
program’s specific appeal and strengths]

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 Since rejecting physical therapy as a career possibility my interest in public health has only grown. I welcome
the challenge of serving a large community and participating in such a dynamic and challenging field. What if an
aspirin a day could prevent heart attacks? What if abandoning unnecessary procedures saved thousands of dollars,
which then allowed a hospital to treat other patients needing care? What if every person was guaranteed care and that
care was good? I would like to find answers for these questions during my career as a public health graduate student
and professional.

ESSAY 1
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING

My decision to pursue graduate study in the United States is underscored by my desire to be a part of the
graduate program at your institution. Purdue University offers the flexibility needed for such a vast and rapidly
changing field. The research facilities and the faculty at the university are par excellent.
Review para1
Communications is an industry that has changed our lives. In a very short period it has changed the way we
have looked at things since centuries. It is one industry that is going to shape our future for centuries to come. Hence
my desire to do master in electrical engineering with communications as my major.
Review para2
My interest in electronics blossomed during my high school years. It was the time when technology had begun
to make an impact on the lives of people in India. Hence engineering with electronics as my major was the first choice
for my undergraduate studies. Right since the beginning of my undergraduate study electronics is a subject that has
fascinated me with its power of applications. The subjects that I have studied include Linear Electronics, Digital
Electronics. These laid the foundation for my courses in Electronic Communication & Communication Systems at a later
stage. My undergraduate studies already focus on the communications aspect of electronics. A master’s degree in
electrical engineering with communications as major field is the next logical step.
Review para3
For the past four months I have been working as a project trainee at the Indian Institute for Advanced
Electronics. I am working on the design and development of a "PC Controlled Digital Serial Data Generator". This short
stint has given me invaluable practical experience. It has given me the confidence to pursue a master’s degree and
also kindled a desire to do research.
Review para4
During the course of my work at IIAE, I have come across several scientists. Most of them work in different
areas of communications. Interactions with them have made me realize the vastness and the scope of
communications. My discussions with them convinced me that specializing in communications will suit me very well.
Review para5
The subject of research which interests me very much is spread spectrum communication systems. Coding
theory and combinations is another research subject which arouses my curiosity. The subject Communication Theory
which I am studying at present introduces these topics in theory. I am eager to find out more about the applications of
coding theory to spread spectrum communication systems.
Review para6
In addition I have been a student member of the IEEE (Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers, Inc.) for
the past three years. Through its workshops/seminars and publications like the 'The Spectrum' it has exposed me to a
lot of emerging technologies in the field of communications.
Review para7
It is a strong belief in my family that the American education system has the best to offer in the whole world.
This belief arises out of the experience that my parents had when they did their Masters of Science in the University of
Pennsylvania during the years 1967-69. If I can get an opportunity to be a part of that intellectually stimulating
environment, I am sure my talents will be put to optimal use.
Review para8
India is a developing country with an enormous potential in the information technology business. To serve the
needs of this developing industry and more important its vast population, communications is going to become of
utmost importance. Thus conditions here are very conducive to supplement my aspirations when I return after
completing my graduate studies.
Review para9

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 REVIEW

1st Paragraph:
While it's accepted wisdom that you have to suck up to the university, doing that in the very first paragraph
isn't always seemly. This is something that all applicants should be careful about.
Something else that's essential in these personal essays is to sound natural. In this paragraph, 'underscores' and 'par
excellent' don't come across too well. This kind of awkward phrasing is best avoided.
2nd Paragraph:
The stunted delivery is perpetuated in this paragraph.
Also, the idea behind the first three sentences could have been expressed in just one. Certainly could do with
tightening.
3rd Paragraph:
'Have been doing communications, hence want to continue doing communications' seems like a facile point to
make. And notice how the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs end on pretty much the same note.
4th & 5th Paragraph:
The essay is considerably strengthened by his being able to convincingly convey his strong grounding in
electronics. The 4th and 5th paragraphs mesh in ideas and content, but the essay loses continuity because the project
has been spread over two paragraphs. A project is generally a golden opportunity to convey personal growth, an issue
whose importance cannot be understated. An applicant could do well to focus on how she grew as a result of her
experiences. A project is perfect in this sense because it can be used to convey both personal and technical growth.
6th Paragraph:
It would have been so much better if the applicant had put across what it was about 'spread spectrum
communication' etc interests him. Remember that it's always prudent to bring out something about your intended
major that strikes you personally.
7th Paragraph:
The essay now switches track to biography mode. If this had been placed before the 6th paragraph, the
applicant could have possibly quoted something from the magazine that inspired him to take up communications as his
major.
8th Paragraph:
The parent’s part comes a bit too late in the essay to carry any relevance.
By now, you should be building up to a conclusion and this particular essay is let down by bringing in family history
this late.
9th Paragraph:
Once again, in this paragraph you want to round off all the points you've been trying to make so far. Essentially
you want to make them want you.
By using a phrase like 'conducive to supplement my aspirations' in the essay, the applicant goes to show that we're
still in the awkward zone.

Summary:
This essay's brevity is its saving grace. Thankfully, it also gets apparent that the applicant has a strong case to
make But the essay fails the 'page preview' test. We generally advise applicants to look at their essay by reducing the
size of the text to 50% of normal. Even after you've done this you try and decide what each paragraph stands for and
then see if the paragraphs link.
As a follow-up to what we've said above, this essay barely has a coherent flow. You'd be able to recognize the
interests-biography-project-project-interests-biography-conclusion pattern the essay follows. So while it has a lot of
interesting elements, they don't add up in a holistic manner.
So we'd say that this essay would be an excellent early draft. With a little more thought and effort, it could have
morphed into an extremely effective piece of writing. The moral is that initial drafts need strong follow-up action on
your part.

ESSAY 2
MARKETING RESEARCH

Marketing research in India is clearly at a point where it is set to become indispensable if the liberalization of
the economy and expansion of consumer choice, which has become palpable in the recent years, is going to continue.
With the opening of the Indian economy, the markets have gradually become buyers' markets. In India, market

11
research is essentially used as a reactive tool, it is in the static stage; whereas, I feel that MR should serve as a
proactive tool, helping corporations optimize their functioning by bringing research into all marketing efforts, by
integrating it into the long and short term marketing strategies and by involving the operational staff who actually
carry out the work that can use informed research results. Market research often ends up being used as an isolated
tool that gives a narrow picture of the past without giving a holistic view and an insight into the future.
Review para1
The need of the hour are MR professionals who are true managers - managers who have to facilitate a radical
change in the way market research is looked upon today; very often as an activity done by a separate cell and an end
in itself. I see myself, as an MR professional, using research as an actionable tool, incorporating cutting edge
methodologies, getting the needed results while saving time and money. I want to turn it into a dynamic instrument,
use it to feel the pulse of the market, make probabilistic predictions abut the market through sophisticated tools and
ultimately get involved in product innovation and strategic planning.
Review para2
To achieve this, I would like to gain exposure to the latest practices adopted by the trend makers in the field of
market research and information systems. To this end, I would probably want to work with a leading international
market research firm that would enable me to help corporations leverage their focus. I would like to bring this
acquired expertise back to India, and use it to help companies to grow in the stiffly competitive market. I see market
research as a sensitive and flexible instrument to be applied with insight, imagination and creativity.
Review para3
Working at Centennial Cotex and then later at NMC Corp as a part-time associate intern led me to realize the
importance of market research to a company. At Centennial Cotex, I was part of a cross-functional team that helped
the firm shift its focus to the handicraft market where such coarse fabric was a good alternative. It is here that I
gained wide exposure to the SPSS software and other tools of research design. At NMC, I have worked as an efficient
and effective coordinator throughout research processes and work directly with numerous researchers on a wide
variety of projects. I have experience in research design, questionnaire development, analysis, writing and interpreting
results and a range of quantitative and qualitative methods. I am proud to say that I am an enthusiastic individual
with good people skills and enjoy working as a team player in a multi-task environment across department lines and
organizational levels.
Review para4
The ability to work in a fast paced setting with time sensitive jobs made my summer internship at Pepsi a
further step to learning. I was a part of a number of marketing promotions of the company on a local scale. My project
on customer research on a key stock keeping unit required consumer profiling and a high degree of qualitative analysis
through a study of buyer behavior using research tools like focus group interviews and perceptual mapping. Based on
this study, I have planned and implemented marketing promotions to capture the home segment, within given budget
constraints. At Cadence, one of the leading pharmaceutical firms in India, I had carried out a pre-launch survey based
study for an antioxidant brand that helped the company identify its target segments.
Review para5
Apart from these, working on various school projects has given me varied experience on the basis of which I
have decided that MR is where I would like to base my future. A career in MR would give me an opportunity to work
across boundaries of industry definitions with a number of industries ranging from consumer goods to innovative
communication and high tech markets
Review para6
I possess a broad-based management education. But, in order to attain what I am aiming for, I believe that I
require a sharply defined and focused course in marketing research. The expertise to analyze the marketing as well as
the strategic problems faced by companies and implement corresponding solutions is what I want. An international
exposure coupled with the immense opportunity in the Indian marketplace will help in breaking new ground in Indian
marketing research.
Review para7
I want to attend University Of Maryland's Master of Marketing Research program for several reasons. The
focused structure of the course will help me concentrate and work towards the attainment of my career goals. The
internship provided within the MMR course work would help me gain exposure, insight, knowledge and hands-on
experience with real time work environment. I am impressed with the quality of education provided by the university
in terms of the well-structured curriculum and the recognized faculty. I look forward to shaping my career in the halls
of University Of Maryland.
Review para8

REVIEW

Paragraph 1:
Reasonably good introduction sets the stage for why she would consider doing marketing research. Observation
about local practices is not apparent whether she's speaking from personal experience or research. If she can't back it
up later, could prove dangerous.

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 Paragraph 2:
Defines her role in the future of the industry. Note the use of buzzwords. While overkill is harmful, is important
to show that one knows what one is talking about. She's possibly going overboard with technicalities here. Non-MR
Person may not find this as appealing. She's also asserting her personal long-term goals within this framework
Paragraph 3:
More about personal goals. Also notice that she's talking about what she thinks the college will offer her
Paragraph 4:
Some resume details may be unnecessary. But well tempered with the part about what she can offer the
college The fact that she has managerial skills also comes across well.
Paragraph 5:
Note how she has played up MNC experience over that of local companies, but is now focusing on her MR skills.
Paragraph 6:
Has built up a substantial argument to support her going for MR as a career. Also has exhibited savvy by talking
about need to carry over MR to high tech markets.
Paragraph 7:
Final conclusion on skill that she already has and the ones she's looking for. This is a good strategy, since you
seem to know what you're looking for in your higher education.
Paragraph 8:
Has pointed out unique aspects of the program that appeal to her. has thus shown that she's taken care to read
their brochure/ get in touch with seniors.

Summary
has pretty much all the elements of a good application essay. the author would probably admit that they dont'
always mesh too well. flow is definitely a problem. what she's done well is that she's consistent in style. the essay
does come across as hard-hitting while not be overbearing.
the paragraphs could do with some reworking. we prefer that each paragraph say something unique on it's own. her
career goals etc get spread out over many paragraphs, losing some coherence along the way.
she has also put across that she's been proficient with what she's learnt so far. this candidate was moving from a
purely business environment (an mba), to a more specialised field (MR). while it's necessary that she shows how
strongly she feels about MR, it's absolutely crucial that her competence in management comes across.

ESSAY 3
Business Mgmt

I am applying for admission to the Ph.D. program in Business Administration because I want a career in the
research and teaching of management. In particular, I am interested in factors that affect the competitive performance
of a business concern, and the manner in which changes in technology affect an organization’s structure, long-term
business strategy, product development, manufacturing, supply chains, distribution network, information needs and
standard systems. In order to gain an appreciation of these and related issues, it is essential for me to have a strong
grounding in Economics, Supply Chain Management, and issues connected with Information Technology, as well as
gain a General Management perspective.
Review para1
I believe that the Ph.D. program in Business Administration (with concentration in Management) would be
invaluable in helping me achieve these objectives. It would enable me to channel my quantitative and conceptual skills
in analyzing business issues and would open up new avenues in research. Subsequent to earning a Ph.D., I would like
to apply for a faculty position at a leading university; and investigate issues concerned with technology as it affects
organization strategy, structure and systems.
Review para2
I believe that my background in engineering and management has prepared me for such a career. I have found
research fascinating since my engineering days, where I received the highest marks in the Department for my final-
year undergraduate dissertation; and was judged to have presented the best paper at a Departmental seminar. My
four years of engineering education have provided me with a strong grounding in mathematics (I stood first in my
Department for each of the four Math papers) and the theoretical aspects of technology.
Review para3

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 I joined ABC Business School in order to broaden my perspective and to improve my career prospects.
Economics and psychology - subjects new to me - were interesting, and I enjoyed applying quantitative and
conceptual skills to analyze business problems. I did very well in projects, desk research, workshops and class
discussion; although academically I did not perform to my satisfaction (I finished with a GPA of 2.91, partly due to
health reasons). I was voted as one of the ten most promising students in my batch, and received a national-level
award for the best business school project, awarded by the Institute of Management Consultants of India. This was for
a summer project, entitled "Formulation and Implementation of a Marketing Strategy for Handicrafts, a unit of the
Special Person’s Association".
Review para4
Upon graduating from business school I was offered a job with AZ & Co., a management consulting firm which
ranks as among India’s largest. This is where I learned how to apply the principles and lessons of management to real
life. It was fascinating; and transformed my interest in management research into a passion. I read extensively, trying
to keep myself informed about management thinking in my areas of work - structure and systems in an industry and
organization, industrial marketing and strategy.
Review para5
I have learnt a lot on my present job. With the rest of my team, I have analyzed markets and examined supply
and distribution networks for such diverse products and industries as bulk chemicals, fresh fruit exports, toys,
packaging machinery, retailing, adhesives, diamonds and pharmaceuticals. I have helped formulate entry strategies,
plans for expansion and diversification; and also company business plans. As part of a team, I have carried out
preliminary feasibility studies; compared technology options; suggested to the Forex Bank of India, a plan for
improving the export competitiveness of India's Chemicals Sector; and studied government schemes for their efficacy.
I have studied in detail the organization structure and systems for one of India's largest manufacturers of automobiles
and helped in the restructuring of the company as well as the redesigning of their new systems.
Review para6
These assignments have involved interaction with people at all levels of the value chain, and at organizational
levels from the Chairman of a $ 200 million firm to a packing clerk earning $1 daily. They have given me the
opportunity to interview a number of policy makers, industry analysts and economists in an effort to understand the
functioning of, and important issues connected with, each of these industries.
Review para7
All this has given me valuable insights into the environment in which companies operate - how they affect this
environment and are affected by it. It has enabled me to observe some of the better and worse ways of running a
business. Certain assignments have been thought provoking; my most recent assignment, on the redesigning of a
company's structure and systems, helped me understand the necessity of good organization structures, and appreciate
the significance of systems that work well. A study on the export competitiveness of India's chemicals sector brought
home to me the importance of technology in determining a company's or industry's competitiveness. An assignment
involving the evaluation of an air freight subsidy scheme for exporters of fresh fruits raised fundamental questions in
my mind about the efficacy of subsidies in improving the competitiveness of an industrial sector, and encouraged me
to look at more lasting measures instead.
Review para8
The time limitation on each assignment has taught me to plan well, work systematically and keep my reports
up-to-date. At the same time, having to defend my analyses and recommendations, during both internal discussions
and presentations to clients, has taught me to think rigorously and creatively. Our extensive use of computers for
analysis and preparation of presentations and reports has made me familiar with spreadsheet, word processing and
presentation packages.
Review para9
While the highly diverse nature of assignments has helped me gain a broad exposure to Indian industry, it has
not been possible for me to study specific business and technology - related issues in depth. I realize that in order to
be able to do so, I need a better understanding of the various facets of management; the interlink ages between
different functional areas and between different business entities. Equally important, I need further training in research
methodology.
Review para10
I want to do a Ph.D. at the College of Business, XYZ University for many reasons. I have heard about XYZ's
Ph.D. program in Business Administration from my business school professors and am impressed with the emphasis
placed on technical and analytical skills, general management orientation and rigorous research methodology. The
School's strengths in supply chain management and information management are commensurate with my research
interests. The faculty's reputation for excellent teaching, challenging coursework and the excellent facilities are added
attractions.
Review para11
While the study of and research in management is my prime objective today, my interests in literature, music,
travel and nature help me maintain a sense of perspective in life. I like to write and have had some articles published
in Indian newspapers. I have organized and participated in a number of extra-curricular activities during my college
days and have won university and national level prizes in debating, writing and quizzes. I also believe that each of us
must give something back to society - to this end, I have worked on a voluntary basis for the Hunger Project for a
year; as a teacher and counselor to physically and mentally handicapped children for three years; and as a reader to

14
blind students. Today, I contribute to a local organization that focuses on the environment of my hometown,
Allahabad.
Review para12
I hope that the admissions committee finds my background and strengths commensurate with the requirements
of XYZ's Ph.D. program in Business Administration.
Review para13

REVIEW

1st Paragraph:
If you can capture your ambitions in a few words, this is the sort of beginning you want to shoot for. Far too
many essays begin with clichéd sayings or throwbacks to the author’s childhood. However the pitch does get a bit
queered in the next line. There are a few words about ‘factors that affect …’ and then an extremely long spiel about
‘changes in technology affect’ absolutely everything there is about an organization. You don’t have to be a business
major to understand that things get a bit confusing since these unrelated ideas are presented in the same line. This
results in things coming across in a rather unbalanced manner.
2nd paragraph:
Notice how strongly this paragraph follows up on her avowed career goals illustrated in the first line of the
essay. The line about '...enable... to channel ... quantitative ... ' will need some strong backing up later, if it isn't to
sound pretentious.
3rd Paragraph:
This is a discreet way of getting in the details of one's academic career that otherwise deserve to be on a
resume. Far too many applicants like to quote their achievements without explaining how it will affect their careers. If
you're not tactful about it, it could sound a bit vain.
4th Paragraph:
The award-winning project is rich with unfulfilled promise. Schools are on the lookout for applicants who have
contributed to society and a line about how the voluntary sector also needs modern management techniques (or even
a contrarians view - corporate needing to learn from NGO's) would add some value.
The explanation for a poor GPA is unwarranted. Such issues could be dealt with in a brief note accompanying
the application package. Here, it merely serves to offset the otherwise upbeat tone.
5th Paragraph:
Applicants could do well to consult a style-guide when attempting to be grammatically adventurous. For
instance, '...fascinating; and ...' doesn't really gel. Also, notice how things get personal here - 'interest ... into a
passion' runs the risk of sounding clichéd, but works nevertheless.
6th Paragraph:
We generally advise applicants to leave most of the hard facts and details for the resume. Here, however, the
detailing doesn’t necessarily detract from the essay. It could certainly have been tightened. The diversity of products
and industries the author has worked in could have been expressed in fewer words.
And there's a minor gaffe when she refers to redesigning of new systems. Once again, this sort of mistake is by no
means fatal, but deserves to be eliminated at the editing stage.
7th Paragraph:
These paragraphs justify the details of Paragraph 3. And do so quite well, by the way.
8th Paragraph:
In any field, you want to show how you’ve had unique experiences, and more importantly, how you’ve learnt
from them. The author handles this beautifully by listing how she’s interacted with different levels within the corporate
hierarchy and how this has shaped her perspective on life. The part about the efficacy of subsidies illustrates that the
author is prepared to think on issues. It also plugs in well with current international opinions on subsidies. On the
other hand, if you're applying to, say, the Karl Marx University of Cuba, you may want to revise how you express
these opinions.
9th Paragraph:
The paragraph does well to spin her experiences in a business perspective. However, essay writers are advised
to look out for skills that are generally taken for granted within an industry. Proficiency in basic tools like spreadsheets
etc. has been passed for the past few years now. Remember that while such lapses don’t necessarily trash an essay,
you don’t want a drop in pace at this stage of the game. This is the sort of sentence that should’ve been dumped at
the editing stage.
10th Paragraph:

15
 This is an ideal way to express what you’re looking for from the University you’re applying to.
11th Paragraph:
While most of the essay has been tightly edited, things get a bit loose around here. Notice the repetition of
‘excellent’ in the last sentence. Also, ‘commensurate’ isn’t used very accurately here.
12th Paragraph:
The references to extra-curricular activities could have been slipped in earlier and more naturally. Coming this
late in the essay and the accompanying clichés (each of us … to society) blunts the edge that it would have carried if
placed earlier in the essay.
13th Paragraph:
This paragraph would’ve had a stronger impact if the author had dumped the previous one. Also, we believe it’d
be a better strategy to link up your talents and suitability for the university with their need for students who will
enhance the diversity and experience of the entire incoming class. It’s like a job interview – they shouldn't get the
feeling that theirs is the only game in town as far as you are concerned. So a brief mention about how they need you
too wouldn’t hurt at this stage.

Summary

This essay surely makes a strong case for the applicant. We’d like to believe that this essay sets a lot of good
examples that other applicants could follow.
All the I’s and me’s lend it a personal touch. ‘for me’, ‘I believe’, ‘enable me’, ‘I would like’ : these are terms
that all personal statement writers should use profusely - especially when you’re rattling off a bunch of buzzwords. It
doesn’t take much for the reader to start believing that the lines have been lifted from a trade magazine, so making
everything seem personally relevant is the key. This is merely a palliative, however. You have to back this up with
some credible experience. If it seems like you’ve spent your entire life doing nothing much but watch television, saying
‘it’s my experience that employee-empowerment helps an organization leverage core competencies’ won’t convince
anyone.
This essay also illustrates how you need to present yourself in an all-round light, especially when you’re
applying for management courses. It pays to stay in touch with the prevailing ethos that schools believe in. While
many of us may have had socially relevant experiences, it takes a certain savvy to highlight them while applying to
schools that care.

ESSAY 4
MBA

Write a candid description of yourself, stressing those personal qualities, assets, and liabilities that
you feel will influence your graduate work. Describe what you consider to be your most important
professional and / or academic achievement to date.
If one were to ask my friends to describe me they would describe me as a very pleasant, diverse, active and
intelligent woman. I think one of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am
a science student with a flair for the arts. I am a woman with technical aptitude and an interest in management. I also
have a passion for traveling and understanding different cultures of the world. All these elements have given me a
very broad outlook, with varying degrees of knowledge in a range of topics. I strongly believe that although some are
not related directly, all these qualities will influence my graduate work.
Review para1
My Engineering degree has given a strong foundation to my analytical skills since civil designing involves a lot
of long, complex and intricate calculations and the application of basic math skills. Over the past four years, I have
been working part-time with my family firm, SnMTech Systems. I am also the co-founder and active member with FOE
- Friends of the Environment. I have assisted in the installation of Enterprise-wide Resource Planning (ERP) System at
Blotech, a major Engineering Company. More than what I have studied in school and college, it has been these
experiences that have shaped the person that I am today.
Review para2
I believe that this unique blend of experiences has made me a woman with an original point of view. This blend
has given me a broader perspective to and a good understanding of life and a goal to aim for. Among other things, I
have this diversity of experience to offer Utah University. My most substantial accomplishment has been the success of
the software upgradation project that I managed at SnMTech Systems Pvt. Ltd., New Delhi, where I have been
working as a part time Associate Intern - Management Information Systems since 1994.

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 Review para3
During the first two years of my work at SnMTech, I had an opportunity to observe and work with the existing
system being used. Some of the software packages being used were outdated versions. I have always been in
touching with the latest software packages thanks to the powerful PC I have at home and am quite used to working
with a Graphical User Interface (GUI) environment. At the office, there was great deal of chaos while preparing reports
that involved use of more than one software since compatibility between packages usually posed a problem. The
difficulty we faced putting different files together led to the final report appearing rather haphazard sometimes.
Review para4
I believe in providing and maintaining non-negotiable high standards and service. I recognized that shifting to
newer GUI based software would not only dramatically improve our documentation quality, but also increase
productivity at the workplace. Presenting the pros and cons to the management of the upgradation was a very
challenging task. I was asked to prepare a proposal regarding the upgradation of the firm's software. Initially, I
imagined this project would be rather simple but it turned out to be among the most challenging and rewarding
experiences of my life.
Review para5
Through a firm-wide survey of operators and several one-on-one discussions of their own preferences and
solutions, I found that while everybody wanted an upgradation, they had doubts since they would have to learn a
whole set of new skills. In order to prepare a budget, I procured quotations from various vendors and analyzed
possible combinations. I realized the necessity of a training course for the operators because most of them were not
familiar with the GUI interface. I examined the various training classes that offered private in-house training for the
employees. After a detailed analysis, I presented my report to the management in the next meeting. They were
pleased with my efforts and pleasantly surprised at the cost of the project since it seemed to be comparatively less
than what they had anticipated.
Review para6
Once I was given the go-ahead, the next hurdle was to implement the proposal and coordinate the upgrading.
To avoid any disturbance to the company's work, training sessions were planned after working hours. The upgrading
took a week and the training of the operators took another two weeks. The really tough period started once the
training personnel left. The management felt that it was my responsibility to see that the operators didn't face any
problems once they actually started using the new software packages. I put in 60 to 70-hour weeks for the next three
weeks before everyone was comfortable with the new system. While the benefits of using these packages were not
immediately tangible, a few months later our clients acknowledged that the quality of the reports we sent them had
improved considerably. In fact, a year later our firm decided to upgrade all of its software packages. I consider this to
be a tacit compliment for my efforts.
Review para7
This project required me to believe in myself and in what I thought was good for the company. I had to take a
pro-active approach, take the initiative and play a leadership role in motivating people and executing the project to
completion A good manager is one who can figure out where the problem lies, deal with it effectively by involving all
the members of the company and improve the overall culture of the company. The problem I saw at SnMTech had to
be resolved to sustain the company's image. The fact that I was able to pull off this task alone has boosted my
confidence in my abilities.
Review para8

REVIEW

Paragraph 1:
A good introductory paragraph. This summarizes the next couple of paragraphs and also has a certain intriguing
appeal - it arouses the reader's curiosity and impels him to read further. The first sentence, however, could easily
have been dropped - the second sentence would make a more compelling introduction to the essay.
Paragraph 2:
Here the writer develops on the thread of diversity. Note that there is an emphasis on aspects that are
important to an MBA course (strong analytical skills, math skills, work experience). The writer shows effectively that
she has not been 'wasting her time' - besides earning a degree, she has earned valuable work experience and done
something for the environment. Volunteer work is a strong advantage while applying to an MBA course - universities
love people with a social conscience! (To a lesser degree, this is true if you're applying to other graduate courses as
well, as long as you show that your primary interest, now and in the future, is in the field you are applying to). At the
same time, it is important that this experience appears genuine - so before making tall claims, make sure that you can
substantiate them, preferably by actually doing some volunteer / social work. The last sentence ties the paragraph
together. The argument 'my experiences have shaped me' is invaluable IF you have strong or unusual life experiences
and in some cases can also partially compensate for an average or below-average academic record.
Paragraph 3:

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 We come to a shift in focus with this paragraph. The writer wraps up the 'diversity' thread well. Saying that she
has a diversity of experience to offer, 'among other things', is a good idea - it implies that there is much more to her,
qualities and assets that could not be described here because of space limitations. It might have been a better idea to
begin the next topic - 'most important achievement' in a new paragraph. The abrupt change of subject has a slightly
disconcerting effect here.
Paragraph 4:
While this paragraph is ostensibly an introduction to the problem handled by the writer, it also makes two
points, subtly:
1. She had been working in the family firm on a continuous basis and kept her eyes open to spot an area of
improvement,
2. She is familiar with popular software packages and very comfortable with a PC.
Paragraph 5:
The first sentence risks sounding slightly pompous, but the writer's earnestness comes through after reading
the paragraph as a whole.
Paragraph 6:
Comes across as systematic, organized and thorough. Good qualities for any graduate applicant.
Paragraph 7:
This paragraph shows considerable maturity and learning from the event. A problem is not solved when you
have a solution for it - implementing the solution is usually the biggest hurdle. Also, she realizes that company-wide
changes rarely yield instant results, and must be followed up over a period of time to evaluate their effects. The last
two sentences show that this project also had an effect on the company management's thinking.
Paragraph 8:
Reflective paragraph on what she has gained from the project. She certainly seems to have been the driving
force behind the project and it's an impressive achievement. It might have been a good idea, though, to put in a line
or two about how she learned to co-ordinate between various entities to get her job done. Good ending paragraph.

Summary

This is a mature, well-written application essay. Some of the ideas here are gold mines for other essays -
describing how she founding and helping run FOE could be a whole essay by itself, and can be used to show how she
used leadership and team skills (see Essay 5 - coming soon). Her experience in assisting in the implementation of an
ERP system can also be used as an example of team skills and project management skills. MBA applicants have to
write a number of essays for each school. It helps to have a bank of experiences to draw on. Writing a series of essays
also means that you can afford to have a limited scope for each essay, and go a little deeper.
We do feel, however, that this essay was a tad too limited on the 'candid description' of the writer. Diversity of
experiences is an excellent point to make, but one more paragraph on other aspects of the writer's personality would
have strengthened the essay.
Each application essay should answer the question asked in full. Note, however, that this writer says nothing
about any liabilities that might influence graduate work. We have a tricky issue here - must you mention some
liabilities just because the question asks for them? Here the writer chooses to ignore them and concentrates on
qualities that will be an asset for graduate work. It might have paid off in this case because the essay basically asks,
'How well are you suited for graduate work'. In an essay question of the type, 'Discuss your strengths and weaknesses'
such a strategy would not work. Nevertheless, it's a tough choice to make

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