How to Get to Know Someone: 53 Great Questions to Ask

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Sven Raphael 4/26/2017

Schneider

Getting to know someone can be an intimidating process. Your body language, questions, and responses in the
early moments will form an impression that may or may not be to your advantage in the long run. Your skills in
getting to know people successfully will directly affect the outcomes of job interviews, dates, and important client
meetings.
The best conversations are like a river they flow along, even if there are a few bumps and turns along the way.
It takes some practice and finesse to drive a balanced conversation that moves along naturally, and having
some good questions tucked in your back pocket can help you navigate slow spots and push past mere small
talk. After all, small talk, while necessary in many situations, wont actually help you get to know someone. And
then, when you see them again, there isnt a good place to pick up where you left off!

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 The Art of Conversation it is not just about you, its about getting to know the other person

In this guide, we will share 53 great questions you can ask to get to know someone. Asking questions helps
show your conversation partner that you are interested in them as people. They are designed to help draw out
and introduce meaningful, rather than superficial, conversation topics.

Many of these questions are deceptively revelatory, such as who or where would you haunt if you were a
ghost? It may seem like harmless fun, but this question might reveal if your conversation partner has a
sentimental or a vengeful streak, for example. The best part is that asking just one of these questions can open
and carry an interesting conversation that will leave you far better acquainted with a new contact than everyday
small talk.

Getting to Know Someone Question DOs and DONTs

DONT be afraid of vulnerability (and by that, we mean the state of being exposed to the possibility
of harm). If you are unwilling to open up and show a little vulnerability, a conversation can feel stilted or
fake. You have to give a little to get some in return, and quality getting-to-know-you questions almost
always depend on a certain degree of vulnerability.
DO ease into deeper questions. Begin with the Starter questions below to get the conversation flowing,
and then use the Deeper questions to transition between small talk and real conversation.
DO understand the context of your conversation. Questions that are appropriate for an interview or a
professional setting can seem too aggressive on a date.
DO give the other person some time to warm up. Many people feel uncomfortable talking with new people

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 in the beginning, so its best to give them some time to relax and fall into more natural conversation
patterns.
DONT beat a dead horse if your conversation partner isnt pulling their weight in the conversation. DO
make the best of it and keep asking questions if the situation requires it youre seated next to your
narcissistic boss at a business dinner or you need to entertain a client.
DO listen carefully to the responses you receive from your questions. Use follow-up questions and
prompts to dig deeper (Really? Why is that? How did that make you feel?) once youve reached a topic
that you both seem to find interesting.
DONT use these questions as the entire basis of your conversation. DO use them to change subjects in
awkward moments when a conversation has fizzled out.
DO be prepared for unexpected answers to many questions; after all, you dont really know them yet!
DO ask open-ended questions; yes/no and single-word answer questions (tacos or burritos?) wont give
you much meaningful material with which to engage in a real conversation.
DONT forget to think through your own answers to these questions; the expectation of conversation is
usually that you would be willing to answer a question in return.

Hobbies and personal interests are easy starter conversation topics just ask Sven Raphael Schneider about
driving fast cars!

53 Great Get-To-Know-You Questions

Before diving into the list, it is important to note that not all conversation questions are alike. Questions at the
beginning of a conversation should be neutral and relatively easy to answer so that you can establish a basic
level of comfort with one another. They often play off of typically light starter conversation topics such as work,
family, entertainment, or personal interests, which makes for an ideal transition into deeper questions later on.

Starter Questions

1. What do you do when youre not working?

2. Did you choose your profession or did it choose you?

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 3. What would you do if you won the lottery?
4. What is your favorite way to relax?
5. What is your favorite book to read?
6. What makes you laugh the most?
7. What is your favorite holiday?
8. What was the last book you read/movie you saw?
9. What are your favorite TV shows?
10. What is one thing youre glad you tried but would never do again?
11. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with?
12. Whos your go to band or artist when you cant decide on something to listen to?
13. Whats something you like to do the old-fashioned way?
14. What is something you have only recently formed an opinion about?
15. What are you interested in that most people havent heard of?
16. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?
17. What is something that people are obsessed with but you just dont get the point of?
18. Where is the most interesting place youve been?
19. What is the luckiest thing that has happened to you?
20. What is your biggest pet peeve with modern technology?
21. What object have you been searching for with no luck?
22. What social customs do you wish would just disappear?
23. What quirky things do people do where you are from?
24. Who or where would you haunt if you were a ghost?

Deeper Questions

Now, for the deeper questions. Each one is designed to go beyond the surface and encourage more revealing,
real conversation. In fact, it might feel uncomfortable to ask some of these questions, but ultimately the goal of
getting to know someone on a deeper level means putting yourself and the other person in a more vulnerable
position. Its a worthwhile tradeoff.

1. What gets you out of bed every day? Though someone with a sarcastic sense of humor might say the
alarm clock, this question is intended to reveal a persons deeper motivations in life.
2. What do you value in a friendship? This is an easy, deeper follow-up to any mention of a friend. It
should also reveal what your conversation partner likes in someone they choose to socialize with, as
opposed to one they have to socialize with.
3. What do you say more often in life: yes or no? This question will show how self-aware the person is
with regards to what other people ask of them. Are they a push-over or the opposite, and do they want to
change it?
4. What is on your bucket list? This is an easy question that actually digs more deeply into a persons
motivations and goals than you might initially think. Its usually a great question for offering up common
ground and many different new directions to take the conversation.
5. What would you tell your teenage self if you could go back in time? We all make mistakes and have
challenges in our youth, and many people still carry those scars (or battle the same demons) in their adult
lives. This question requires more vulnerability than most, so it helps to have thought through your own
response to this.
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 6. What is the hardest part about raising children? For parents, children are an easy choice for a
conversation topic, and the pressure to be the perfect parent on the surface can cause many parents to
suppress having meaningful conversations about how hard parenting can be. Giving parents an opening
to discuss the myriad challenges of raising children can be a welcome way to deepen a conversation and
get to know a person through their daily struggles.
7. What do you wish was different about modern parenting? Again, the expectations of modern parents
can be overwhelming, and any parent is certain to have an opinion (or 12) about what they find the most
daunting element of parenthood to be.
8. What gets you fired up? This general question is highly open-ended, and therefore a little bit less
intimidating to ask. The responder can choose how deeply theyd like to get into the subject. It can easily
be modified to be more specific, which you may want to do if you are in a place in which the response
might involve controversial subjects. If you leave it open-ended, be prepared to talk about things that the
responder is really passionate about, such as politics or a quirky hobby.
9. What mistake do you keep making again and again? Questions about failure are some of the most
revealing ones out there and will speak volumes about the character of the kind of person you are talking
to.
10. What have you created that you are most proud of? Most people are willing to talk about their
accomplishments and this question will help draw out what people are proud of in their lives.
11. Whats the best thing you got from your parents? To clarify, this could mean a gift, a character trait, or
an important life lesson. This question will often reveal the nature of the respondents relationship with
their parents and how they view their childhood in retrospect.
12. Whats one responsibility you really wish you didnt have? This question is a quick way to find out
what people feel are unnecessary burdens in their lives, and they can range from imposed (job changes)
to self-inflicted (I wish I hadnt bought a house). Finally, they can speak to how people approach their
responsibilities in life are they powerless victims or are they aware of the choices they have?
13. Whats the best and worst thing about getting older? Aging can be a sore spot for many people, and
the passage of time can prompt musings on missed opportunities, gratitude, and hopes for the future.
14. What chance encounter changed your life forever? Most people have experienced a lucky encounter
in their lives, and this question often leads to funny, sentimental, or meaningful life stories.
15. What do you regret not doing? Regret can be a very powerful feeling, and it tends to be universal. Most
people wont have an issue coming up with an answer (or several) to this question, but since it is negative
in nature its wise to balance it with a positive question before or after it.
16. Do you believe in second chances? This potentially sensitive question is a good follow up to a
conversation about difficult interactions or relationships. It speaks to everyones desire to be offered a
second chance in their own lives while finding the capacity to forgive other people for their transgressions.
17. Do you want to retire to live or live to retire? It can be interesting to discover who believes that all
enjoyment travel, hobbies, etc have to wait for retirement, while others are determined to live well
regardless of their employment status.
18. What are some things you wish you could unlearn? Everyone has bad habits, right? Commiseration
is an easy way to connect with a new acquaintance and learn more about how they tick.
19. What do you wish your brain was better at doing? This gives people an easier way to share their
weaknesses because the question deliberately uses your brain instead of you. That small degree of
separation helps reduce the sensitivity of the question without shying away from the subject itself.
20. What or who couldnt you live without? This question strikes right at the heart of who and what a
person values in their life, and they will usually add in why. If not, ask!
21. When do you feel the most confident? The response to this question can go in many interesting
directions, perhaps to a certain outfit or in a specific setting.
22. If a crystal ball could tell you anything about your future, what would you want to know? You can
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 ask this question in conjunction with #25.
23. If you could change one personal decision in your past, what would that be? The opposite of #15,
this question reveals how people feel about past actions they have made.
24. What goal are you working on now? Even if they dont have elaborate annual goal planning sessions,
everyone has a goal. This open-ended question gives you conversation partner considerable flexibility in
how they answer, which makes it an easy one to ask.
25. What scares you about the future? Everyone has fears, and this is an interesting way to narrow the
question down and find some common ground.
26. When was the last time you cried? Doubtless, this is a very personal question and choosing the right
time to ask it can be tough. However, it does strike right at the heart of the other persons deepest pain or
frustration.
27. Do you believe people are at the whim of destiny or that they can create it themselves?
28. Who is someone that you miss having in your life? Deaths or departures of close family and friends
can have a lasting impact on a persons emotional life, and since the experience is fairly universal, it can
be a good way to find common ground with a new acquaintance.
29. What question do you always want to ask people but dont have the courage to ask? Social norms
can be powerful, but they can also blunt a conversation in the name of being polite. This question can
help reveal other peoples frustrations with social norms and open the door to discussing taboo but
interesting topics.

Conclusion
Getting to know someone takes effort, and these questions offer you a simple way to dig deeper, faster. What
questions do you find are the most helpful in getting to know someone? Do you have special questions for dates,
interviews, clients and colleagues?

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