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Business

Writing
With Heart
How to Build
Great Work Relationships
One Message at a Time

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

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Chapter

Add Heart to Your Writing

One Message at a Time
e

teach business writing to people at all levels in organizations, from

vice presidents to mechanics, from auditors to security ocers. When
security managers and ocers attend classes, they stand outnot just
for their calm, commanding presence but also for the way they communicate. They write and say things like:
Request denied.
Negative.
Cut the u. I want the facts.
They dont have to like it. They just have to do it.
When I suggest a more positive approach, they often announce,
Im ex-military. This is the way we communicate. If another ex-military
individual is in the room, that person nods agreement.
When ex-military individuals communicate with others like them,
pronouncements like Request denied are likely to be clear, eective,
and familiar. But when these individuals communicate beyond their
groupfor instance, to the assistant in accounting or the intern in public
21

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22Business Writing With Heart

relationsRequest denied comes across as brusque and machinelikenot a communication that builds relationships.
Like the ex-military who attend my writing classes, you may say at
one time or another, This is the way I communicate. But is your way
eective? Does it build relationships? Bring in business? Develop new
employees? Inspire commitment?
Does it have heart?
My guess is that if you are reading this chapter, you have acknowledged a need to improve the way you communicate. Maybe you have
been told you need to change your tone, or you want to help others make
changes. You have already moved from This is the way I communicate
to How can I communicate better to build business relationships?
Luckily, for those who want to be better at building relationships
through writing, the process of adding heart to your writing is not
dicult, as this chapter reveals. The process involves using positive,
relationship-building language; having positive intent; and warming
up messages so they dont sound abrupt or bureaucratic.

Use Positive, Relationship-Building Language

A rst step is to use words that make others feel acknowledged, understood, respected, and valued. Once you start thinking about positive language, it is easy to recognize it. In
each of these pairs, which sentence builds
Adding Heart =
relationships?
You cant use the conference room
until my meeting ends.
As soon as we wrap up the meeting,
the room is yours.

Adding relationshipbuilding language,

having positive
intent, and warming
up the message.

What could make this decision more workable for you?

I dont care if you like it. Make it work.

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Add Heart to Your Writing One Message at a Time23

You are a day late for the special promotional pricing. Sorry.
I will review our pricing to make sure you are getting the
best price possible.
The relationship-damaging sentences are obvious when you pay
attention to them. You cant use the conference room focuses on what
you cant dountil my meeting ends. (Its all about me, right?) I dont
care if you like it says I dont care about you. You are a day late
says Loser!
Each of the other sentences in the pairs supports the business relationship by communicating positively and indicating that the reader
is important. The sentences say or imply The room is yours, This
decision can be more workable for you, and You are getting the best
price possible.
The table of Relationship-Busting Statements vs. RelationshipBuilding Statements provides more comparisons. The relationshipbusting statements use negative words and phrases: no, cut, crap,
complaining, wait, cannot, problems, confusion, misunderstood, and a
lot to be desired.
The relationship-building sentences focus on the positive with these
words: yes, wish, possible, lets, thank you, sharing, be glad to, rst thing,
your concerns, just, like to, opportunity, let you know, clarify, creative, fresh,
ways to strengthen, and support.
An easy rst step to creating a relationship-building message is to
eliminate words with negative connotations. Whenever possible, cut
negative words and phrases such as these:
absence
hesitate
no idea
complaint
impossible
no way
confusion
late
problem
deny
limited
refuse
dicult
loss
stupid
fail to
misunderstand
unreasonable

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24Business Writing With Heart
Relationship-Busting
Statements
Negative.
Request denied.
The answer is no.

vs.

Relationship-Building
Statements
I would like to say yeslet me
explain why I cant.
I wish that were possible.
Heres what I can say yes to.

Cut the crap.

Lets focus on the facts.

You dont have to like it. Just

doit.

Let me explain why this task is

required.

We received your letter

complaining about our service.

Thank you for sharing your

comments on our service.

You will have to wait. I cannot

meet to discuss your problems
until Monday morning.

I will be glad to meet with you

rst thing Monday morning to
discuss your concerns.

You cannot open an account

with such a small deposit.

It takes just $100 to open your

account.

Some of you have expressed

confusion over our policy on
telecommuting.

I would like to take the

opportunity to let you
know about our policy on
telecommuting.

You misunderstood what I said

in my email.

Let me clarify what I meant in

my email.

Your ideas are interesting, but

your methodology leaves a lot
to be desired.

Your ideas are interestingvery

creative and fresh. Lets talk
about ways to strengthen your
methodology to support your
ideas.

Use positive words to create a positive feeling, even when conveying bad news. This approach is akin to the sandwich method, which
involves communicating the bad-news meat of the message between two
positive layers. When used sincerely (not sarcastically), positive language
expresses your positive intent like a handshake and a smile.

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Add Heart to Your Writing One Message at a Time25

Maintain strong business relationships by adding these positive

words to your messages:
admire
glad
pleased to
an honor
grateful
pleasure
appreciate
gratied
prot
assist you
happy
satised
benet
happy to
saving
brilliant
help you
terric
delighted
inspire
thank you
enjoy
joy
thoughtful
feel free
like to
understanding
gain
looking forward
value
generous
please
welcome

Have a Positive Intent

Positive words make a big dierence in the tone of a message. But they
arent everything. As a writer, you also have to have positive intent, the
desire to communicate positively with your customer, vendor, employee,
manager, member, client, patient, or other reader.
I received this brief message from someone I will call Amelia, who
unsubscribed from my free e-newsletter: I teach a professional writing
class at work, and I thought this newsletter would give me additional tips
or writing skills we were not already teaching. It didnt. Do you think
Amelia had positive intent? Was her desire to communicate positively
with me, a stranger and fellow writing teacher?
Consider these situations: Imagine you were out shopping in a
boutique. If you did not nd anything you wanted to purchase, would
you say to the shop owner as you left, I thought I could nd something unique to buy here, but I could not? If you decided not to eat at
a restaurant after reviewing the menu in the entrance, would you say,
Sorry. Nothing sounds good on your menu before you walked away?
Of course not!

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26Business Writing With Heart

We cant know what Amelias intent was. She may not have realized that her comment would come to me, the writer of the newsletter.
Nevertheless, I experienced the comment as a putdown. In the small
world of business writing teachers, my potential relationship with Amelia
ended before it could develop.
Compare Amelias comment to one from someone named Beverly,
who also unsubscribed from the newsletter: Im just trying to reduce
the amount of email I get. I can read Lynns excellent material on her
blog. Thanks.
Beverlys positive intent came through in the words excellent and
thanks.
Think about your intent, your purpose in writing, before you write.
Be sure to consider your overall, big-picture purpose. For example, imagine you received a request for information from a customer within your
organization or outside it. Your purpose in replying would be to supply
the information requested. But your larger purpose would probably be to
maintain or enhance the relationship and pave the way for future business.
The way you think of your purpose aects the way you write your
message. A message whose purpose is merely to respond to a request
has a dierent approach and feeling from one that is to maintain or
enhance the relationship.
Lets say you are responding to an unreasonable complaint. Although
your purpose in writing may be simply to manage the situation, your
larger goal is probably to maintain a good long-term business relationship
or at least to protect your companys reputation and your own.
At all times, strive to focus on the big picture, the higher goal, and
the long term when you write. While it might feel good to put down
or get the best of another person in writing, resist that temptation. You
cannot know when having a good relationship with that person would
benet a current project, your company, or your career.
Let me tell you about a time that I considered my purposeand
then wrote a dierent message.

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Add Heart to Your Writing One Message at a Time27

I was teaching Business Communications for Leaders in the MBA

program at University of WashingtonBothell. The rst assignment, a
one-minute self-introduction, was due on Thursday night. On Thursday
morning I started my day with this message in my email inbox, from
Steve Teixeira, a student in the class and a talented communicator:
Hi Lynn,
If its okay with you, Im planning to deviate slightly from
the one-minute introduction assignment tomorrow. I plan
to briey introduce myself and then deliver a mini-speech
on communication. Im trying to challenge myself to engage
and motivate but to also be extremely brief. Ive rehearsed
it down to under a minute as long as I dont ub it.
Steve
I was checking my email while drinking my rst cup of tea. Because
I was not completely awake yet, I drafted a response that sounded
something like this:
Hi, Steve. The assignment is a one-minute self-introduction
so that the class and I can get to know you. Please do not
deviate from that assignment. You can use the topic of
communication for one of the later assignments.
Lynn
Before I clicked Send, I had the good sense to think about my
intent. Was I hoping to prove a point? No, I didnt think so. Did I
want to be sure the class assignments were done my way, the way I
had planned? I wasnt sure. Did I want to frustrate one of the classs
informal leaders by denying his rst request? No, that would be disastrous during the rst week of classes. Did I want to stie creativity?
No, denitely not.

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28Business Writing With Heart

Here is the email I sent to Steve after I realized my purpose was

to get o to a good start with the class and to encourage creativity and
initiative:
Steve, thanks for asking about your plan. In response,
I believe I have an idea that meets your needs and the
expectations of the class.
Do the required 1-minute introduction. Then when everyone
is nished, do the introduction you already prepared that
challenges you to engage and motivate. Doing both will
satisfy the requirements of the class and your desire to stretch.
Giving only your hybrid introduction wouldnt meet the
expectations or needs of your audience. The reason is that
we want to learn more about you. And we are expecting
and prepared to give you feedback, with specic criteria,
on a one-minute personal introduction.
So I invite you to do both tonight. However, if you want to
give a motivating speech on communication, that would be a
perfect topic for next weeks presentation to inform or explain.
I look forward to being in your audience.
Lynn
Steve gave both presentations in class. When I asked him later how
he had felt about my response to his email, he said that it was ne and
made perfect sense to him.
Although the rst message I drafted was not a disaster, it wasnt a
relationship builder. It contained no positive, supportive language, and
it did not communicate a positive intent. In contrast, the message I did
send communicated appreciation, a solution, an invitation, and anticipation with words such as thanks, meets your needs, engage and motivate,
satisfy, invite, perfect, and look forward.

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Add Heart to Your Writing One Message at a Time29

I am so happy I woke up enough to recognize my real purpose in

writing! I hope you too will recognize your larger purpose in each message and communicate positively with your readers. If your experience
is like mine, your eorts will lead to near-term positive outcomes and
long-term solid relationships.

Warm Up Your Messages

People who attend business writing classes often tell me they have been
accused of being abrupt in their messages, specically in their emails.
They say their style is to get to the point, but other people view them
as abrupt.
If you have a job or your own business, you work against deadlines.
You have to write quickly, even when the documents and messages are
complex and somewhat delicate. It would not be surprising if you, like
the people who attend my writing classes, were to come across as abrupt
at times when you thought you were simply being ecient. This situation is especially common in email.
Coming across as brusque is a liability when it comes to building
relationships. Perceived gruness can stretch out the time it takes people
to realize that you are a ne person, just abrupt. When a sensitive message comes across as brusque, it can take hours, days, or weeks to resolve
misunderstandings, heal hurt feelings, and rebuild relationships.

Apply these simple ways to warm up your writing and

reduce the risk of seeming abrupt:
In an email, text message, or note, include a greeting. According to
my survey on business writing and relationships, 45 percent of people
prefer that the emails they receive (individual messages, not group
emails) include a greeting and their name; 49 percent dont care. Many
respondents commented that an initial email should include a greeting,
but when email becomes a back-and-forth discussion, the greeting can
be dropped. I agree with that view.

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30Business Writing With Heart

Which of these greetings suit you and your messages?

Hello, Tonya.
Hi David.
Good morning, Dr. Bryne.
Greetings, Fran!
Greetings, team.
Dear Brigitte,
Use the persons name in your message. It may seem sucient
to write See you next week. But when you include the persons name
in the sentence (See you next week, Sidney), you acknowledge him
or her as an individual. Its a simple gesture that can change the feeling
from curt to considerate.
Use your own rst name. In email, people often use automatic
signatures with their full name. Others use no name at allthey just end
the message. Whether you use a full signature or not, type your rst name
at the end of your message. Using your rst name warms up the message,
creating a connection between you and the reader. Note: Another way to
include your rst name is through a screenshot of your handwritten rst
name, which you can add to your automatic signature block.
Expand on fragments and very short sentences to avoid sounding
cold or sarcastic. Even Thanks or Thanks a lot can sound sarcastic,
especially in delicate messages. Instead, write Thanks for handling
this. I really appreciate it. Rather than See me or We need to talk,
write Lets talk soon. Id like to hear your thoughts on this question.
Include words and phrases that communicate warmth and
connection. Any message without positive language can seem cold
and abrupt. Use the words and phrases listed earlier in this chapter for
a warmer tone.

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Add Heart to Your Writing One Message at a Time31

Avoid cold, canned language. Some phrases, such as I look forward

to meeting you, may be canned, but they arent cold. Others are canned
and cold, for example, Thank you in advance for your cooperation in
this matter. To warm up your messages, write as though the reader is
a friend or valued colleague, with statements like these: I appreciate
your help, Jonas and Thanks so much for considering this request.
Be explicit when you are agreeing with the person. In a quick
exchange of messages, you may be tempted to write a simple sentence
repeating what the other person has already written. But this action
may lead your reader to think Thats exactly what I said! To avoid such a
response, write, for example, I agree that Auda is great for the job (rather
than just Auda is great for the job). That way, you avert this response:
Did he even read what I wrote? I was the one who recommended her!
Read your message aloudexactly as it is on the screen or
pagewithout adding warmth in your voice. Reading aloud helps
you recognize how your writing may sound to others. You may have
crisply stated a fact when you wrote Handling the Gordon account is
your responsibility. Reading it aloud, though, you may notice a hint
of criticism or doom that you did not intend. Adding a phrase such as
Im very glad, if appropriate, at the beginning of the sentence may
eliminate that hint.
Avoid the words immediately and now when you are writing
with a request or assigning a task. Your reader may have several other
immediate jobs, and your request may seem pushy and unthinking, even
if you are the boss or owner. If a task must be done immediately, phone,
text, or email to ask whether the other person is available. Assume that
the other person is as busy as youeven busier.
Think of your reader as a friend. Often gruness is accidental.
But sometimes it comes across because of the writers underlying feeling

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32Business Writing With Heart

of resentment or irritation. So make the reader your friend, at least while

you are writing.
In business writing classes, participants sometimes write their case
study assignments to imaginary readers. They creatively write Dear
Pain in the Neck and Dear Constant Complainer. I advise them
to try the opposite: Dear Favorite Coworker and Dear Person Who
Pays My Generous Salary. Making that positive shift, changing your
reader to your dear friend or respected associate, helps you glow rather
than glower. It helps you choose language that comes across as warm
rather than chilly.
Use exclamation pointssparingly. Exclamation points can do
a wonderful job of expressing warmth and enthusiasm. They communicate the voice inections you would likely use if you were talking on
the phone or meeting in person. Compare these examples:
I appreciate your hard work.

I appreciate your hard work!

Wonderful.

Wonderful!

See you in Vegas.

See you in Vegas!

Thanks, Yvette.

Thanks, Yvette!

Welcome, Sales Team.

Welcome, Sales Team!

The secret to using exclamation points is restraint. If you pile on several exclamation points in a row (!!!), or use them in every other sentence,
you run the risk of coming across like an adolescent girl, or as Chicago
Tribune writer Rex Huppke remarked, an overcaeinated glee club.
Exclamation points help to build relationships when they express
positive emotions, not rude commands. If you catch yourself typing I
need it now! you might want to breathe slowly and deeply and think
again about communicating with positive intent.
Start and end with a smile. Before you click Send or Print, make
sure your message starts and ends positively.

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Add Heart to Your Writing One Message at a Time33

Do Smiley Faces Communicate Heart?

Speaking of smiles, you may have noticed that smiley faces (such as )
did not appear in my list of ways to warm up a message. I encourage
choosing the right words to bring a smile to a communication.
Nevertheless, I recognize that smiley faces do warm up emails and
other online messages. Thats their whole reason for being. The question
is: Do readers use and approve of them? Below is part of a discussion
that took place on my Business Writing blog.
Margaret Elwood, a technical training supervisor, uses smiley faces
purposefully, as she explained:
I use smiley faces occasionally in internal email messages
to clarify and add warmth to the tone. In our company
we have typically great longevity of employment, and the
strength of my relationships with other employees simply
helps me get my job done eciently and well. While I dont
rely on emoticons, I use them now and then when writing
a coworker, because I think they conrm my friendly tone
in case there is any question of it. I also use themsparinglyin response to a message that has used them liberally,
so that my response does not appear unfriendly by contrast.
A reader named Tony voiced a similar view: In a business environment, when discussing a dicult issue via email, the emoticon conveys
that while you may be looking for resolution to the issue, you are not
seriously upset about it. Tony used the example of reminding an employee
who has forgotten to do something: You send them the reminder to
get resolution. You include the smiley face. Without the smiley face or
some additional wording that may be awkward, they might think that
you are upset about their forgetfulness.
John, another reader, disagreed: I believe that the smiley face can
mean too many things. A smiley could mean the writer wants resolution on a point but is not upset, a phrase was meant to be humorous,

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34Business Writing With Heart

an expression of warmth and candor, a clue that something is meant to

be a sarcastic or ironic remark, a magnication of an emotion expressed
in the sentence, or a mark to indicate that a phrase is something for one
to ponder or think about. To me, this is becoming too much for one
poor smiley face to do.
I agree with John that the smiley face has been stretched thin with
the many expectations placed upon it. Except in rare, informal situations, I prefer words to the smiley face and other emoticons. These words
express a range of sentiments:
I am glad.
I was disappointed.
I am happy.
I was devastated.
Im excited.
I am sad about it.
Im so pleased.
Im stressed out.
I am proud.
Im satised.
Terric news!
Im anxious.
Thats a brilliant idea!
I am not at all upset.
I agree completely.
I am being sarcastic.
You are wonderful.
I am serious.
You are the best.
I mean it.
Thanks so much!
Im exhausted.
Im kidding.
Im overwhelmed.
Im joking.
Im bored.
Im being silly.
I like it.
How frustrating!
I love it.
What a pain!
I love it!
I hated it.
Were all of those clear? Yes. Would the smiley face, frowning face,
or another emoticon have been as clear? Probably not.
Regarding the decision to introduce a smiley face or another emoticon
in an email, I oer the suggestion of a woman who attended one of my
business writing classes: Dont use a smiley face in a message to a client

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Add Heart to Your Writing One Message at a Time35

or customer until the person uses one in a message to you. That way you
will know the person likes smiley faces too. I recommend applying that
good advice to anyone you need to impress as a professionalhiring
managers, CEOs, donors, citizens, patrons, and others.
If you do use smiley faces, use them frugally, never more than one
per message. And do not use a smiley face as a regular sign-o. Heather,
who posted to the Business Writing blog, provided a reason for this
guideline: I have a team leader who uses :o) all of the time, in every
single email I have received from her. It loses its meaning if you overuse
it and can often come o as condescending when used during an email
discussion or disagreement.

Does XOXO Communicate Warmth?

XOXO radiates huggy-kissy warmth, which makes its use too intimate
for nearly all business messages. Because the x stands for kisses, the o
for hugs, you should use them only rarely and only with people you kiss
and hug when you see them in personor you would kiss and hug if
you had the opportunity to see them. (Talk to your human resources
department before taking such a step!) As I was nishing this book,
xs and os in various combinations were juicily appearing, mostly in
womens messages. Citing researchers at Georgia Tech, Carnegie Mellon,
and Stanford, authors Jessica Bennett and Rachel Simmons wrote in
The Atlantic, Among Twitter users, 11 percent of women xo in tweets,
compared with only 2.5 percent of men.
For their article Kisses and Hugs in the Oce, Bennett and
Simmons asked me to speculate why people added xs and os to their
business messages. They captured me saying, Its much faster to type
the four-stroke xxoo than With warm wishes followed by a comma.
True, but dont do it for that reason! Only use xs and os in your messages to business associates who are very dear friends or becoming
dear friends. If your messages are likely to be forwarded, uploaded, or
subpoenaed, stick with Warm wishes. Do not make xoxo part of your

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36Business Writing With Heart

automatic signature, or everyone will be talking about younot in the

way you want.

Is It Possible to Change Your Writing Style?

This chapter began with a reference to ex-military individuals whose
style is brusque, probably through their training and experience, perhaps
through natural inclination. Is it possible for them to change their writing to create and nurture business relationships? Is it possible for you,
whatever your communication style, to build success by communicating
your respect and positive intent in every business message?
The answer to both questions is yes! Just remember these points from
the chapter, and incorporate them into your daily business messages:
Use positive, relationship-building languagewords and
phrases such as pleased, opportunity, happy to, thank you, and
looking forward.
Have a positive intent in each message. Think not only of the
messages practical purpose, such as to respond to a request.
Think also of your overall purpose, for example, to establish
and sustain a relationship with the reader.
Warm up your messages simply, by using a greeting, your
readers name, and your own rst name. Avoid canned language
that comes across as cold. Think of your reader as a friend.
You can change your writing style and enhance your work relationshipsone message at a time.
Personal Reection
.

Do you have business relationships you might strengthen by

considering your true, larger purpose when you write?

Can you aord taking time to add positive language to your

messages before you click Print or Send? Can you aord not to?

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Add Heart to Your Writing One Message at a Time37

Next Step
.

Choose a message you sent recently. It may be a letter, an email,

or a memo. Look for opportunities in it where you might have
added positive language and warmed up the message.