Assertive Communication Notes

Life gets easier and you live with less resentment when you can speak up for yourself in
an assertive and professional way both at work and at home. Saying the right thing, in
the right place, at the right time, and in the right way is an indispensable career skill.
Between the style extremes of passive and aggressive is an effective, winning approach-
the assertive style.
ssertive communication doesn!t mean overbearing, pushy, or autocratic" it!s a balanced
approach that assures you!ll handle people, get things done, and communicate- all in the
same level-headed, confident manner
ssertive communication is your ability to express yourself openly and honestly without
denying the rights of others. #ou must know what you want and speak up for yourself
using $%& statements and feeling verbs like $% feel, % felt, % found&. #ou must practice
good listening techni'ues by asking clarifying 'uestions and paraphrasing what you
understand. #ou have the right to say $no& which you should say firmly and calmly
matching your delivery to the message and you should follow no by a simple
explanation of how you feel. But don!t feel compelled to always (ustify yourself and
don!t say sorry, it weakens your position. #ou must practice good negotiation skills and
look for solutions. ssertive communication won!t always get you what you want but
it!s your best chance of arriving at a win)win solution, plus you!ll be more comfortable
dealing with conflict, saying no, handling feedback, stating limits and coping with
stressful situations. *emember, assertive communicators are truthful about their own
feelings and responsible towards others.
+rom a practical point of view, assertiveness is a skill that enables us to prevent and
resolve problems that may be interfering with the achievement of your goals. ,he use of
assertiveness skills is varied and unlimited. -ow many times have you not contributed a
great idea to a discussion (ust by not being able to speak up. /r missed a chance to meet
someone by being too afraid to introduce yourself. /r maybe even engaged in a fight or
heated argument because you did not know how to deal with conflict properly. 0hen we
fail to act assertively, we usually pay a price. ,his can have 'uite damaging professional,
personal and social implications.
1anagers generally fall into one of three groups 2 aggressive, passive, or assertive.
,hose who are too aggressive may be successful in completing short-term goals, but
often struggle to maintain positive relationships with their employees over time.
1anagers who are too passive have no problem building relationships, but find it
challenging to motivate others and solve problems. %t3s assertive managers that have the
ability provide guidance to their employees to get the (ob done while commanding
respect.
n organi4ation3s success depends on its managers3 ability to lead, and this leadership is a
combination of their communication skills, ability to build relationships, and composure
when handling conflict. 1anagers who can find a balance between aggressive and
passive management styles will build bridges, mend fences, and lead your organi4ation
confidently and effectively.
re you confident that you can do all of the following.
5ommunicate with tact and professionalism
6efuse volatile situations when conflict arises
1otivate others to accomplish a common goal
1aintain positive, professional relationships
7resent your ideas, plans, and strategies in a clear and effective way
8eep everyone focused and on task
%f you 'uestion your ability to perform any one of these tasks, then you need to start
working now.
7assive9 ,o generali4e, passive people are usually shy, lack confidence and get
embarrassed easily. ,heir body language tends to be introverted in that they
don!t make good eye contact, are prone to fidgeting and their voice tone,
volume and inflections aren!t particularly authoritative. 7assive people will
often feel 'uite uncomfortable speaking up in a debate or expressing
themselves in general.
7assive)ggressive 7ersonalities
7assive aggressive characters tend not to say anything to your face but they!ll
talk about you or the situation behind your back and try to sabotage your
efforts. 0hen dealing with passive aggressive characters nobody wins and
problems are very rarely solved satisfactorily. %n fact, these characters can
often be 'uite dangerous as they tend to fuel the rumor mill and have an
adverse affect on company moral
ggressive 7ersonalities
ggressive characters are 'uite happy to speak their mind but their manner
and methods in doing so are often 'uite intimidating. ,hey are usually prone
to flying off the handle and can be 'uite critical of other peoples ideas and
opinions. %t is not unusual for them to constantly interrupt and finish other
people!s sentences
8nowing -ow to Say :o
%f a re'uest is untimely or unfair, everybody has the right to say no. -owever,
before categorically stating a refusal you should probably consider the
following six step evaluation9
;. sk yourself $6o % want this or am % trying to please someone else.
0hat will % receive for my participation. %f % agree to do this will it
continue to be rewarding or will it become oppressive.&
<. ,hink it over and give yourself time to evaluate the re'uest.
=. Look for clues that the re'uest may be unreasonable. re you
hesitating. 6o you feel cornered or trapped. 6o you feel nervous.
>. %f necessary, ask for further evaluation.
?. llow for discussions of ideas and differences of opinions.
@. +ocus on the problem at hand and not the person

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Life gets easier and you live with less resentment when you can speak up for yourself in

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