Questions for Couples

TABLEOFCONTENTS
Part1 DISCOVERY SIMILARITIESANDDIFFERENCES PLANOFACTION QUESTIONSFORREFLECTIONANDDIALOGUE4:ABOUTMYSELFANDMY PARTNER PARTONE:THINGSIKNOWABOUTMYSELF. PARTTWO:THINGSITHINKIKNOWABOUTMYPARTNER: QUESTIONSFORREFLECTIONANDDIALOGUE5:MARRIAGEISACOMMITMENT TOCONSTANTPERSONALCHANGE PARTONE:PATTERNSOFFEELINGSANDBEHAVIORINMYSELF PARTTWO:QUESTIONSFORFURTHERDIALOGUE. 3MONTHSINTOCHRISTIANMARRIAGE 6MONTHSINTOCHRISTIANMARRIAGE QUESTIONSFORREFLECTIONANDDIALOGUE6:FAMILYTRADITIONS PARTONE: PARTTWO: 3MONTHSINTOCHRISTIANMARRIAGE 6MONTHSINTOCHRISTIANMARRIAGE. Part2 VALUEDISCOVERY BECOMINGAPARENT LEARNINGFROMPARENTS YOUANDYOURFEELINGS HOWDOICOMMUNICATE PLANOFACTIONCOMMUNICATION NonVerbalCommunication Part3 INTIMACYSELFASSESSMENT MYPARTNERSINTIMACYSELFASSESSMENT ASPECTSOFINTIMACY INTIMACYANDSPIRITUALITY LEARNINGFROMPARENTS

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Part 1
DISCOVERY
Thefollowingquestionswillhelpyouandyourpartnerdiscovermoreabouteachother.Work separately,fillingintheanswersaboutyourselfandthenfillinginwhatyouknoworthinkyou knowaboutyourpartner.Havefun! (ThecolumnswithYourPartnersAnswersareforyoutofillwhileyouaresharingresponses)

You

YourPartner

YourPartners Answers

YourPartners Answers ConcerningYou

Doyousqueezethe toothpasteinthe middle? Doyoueatinbed? Doyougotobed earlyorlate? Doyoucryatsad movies? Doyoukeepyour roomtidy? Doyoucleanthe bathroomtuband sinkafterusing them? Doyouenjoytalking onthetelephone? Doyouswearor curse? Areyougrumpyin themorning? Howoftendoyou brushyourteeth? Doyouenjoyeating inrestaurants? Doyousnore? Doyouenjoygoing

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tochurch? Doyouhateto throwthingsaway? DoyouwatchTV oftenorseldom? Doyoueatquickly? Doyoutakeproper careofyourself whenfeelingill(e.g. withacold)? Areyoufrequently late? Doyouenjoy cooking? Doyoupickyour nose? Doesyourcheque bookbalance? Doyouwear sleepwear? Doyoufallasleep infrontoftheTV? Doyouclean dishesassoonas youarefinished eating? Doyouputthetoilet seatdownafter usingit? Doyoupassgas often? Doyouliketoread beforefalling asleep? Areyouapicky eater? Doyougetup promptlywhenthe alarmrings? Doyouliketosleep inlateon weekdays?

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Doyouburp? Doyouprayother thaninchurch? Doyouliketochew gum? Doyougiveto charities? Doyouenjoy participatingin sports? Areyouwell organized? Areyoustingy? Areyoustingy? Areyouneat? Areyouaborrower? Doyoulendthings ormoneytoothers? Doyoulookfor bargains? Doyouleave toenailclippingson thefloororbed? Doyoubiteorpick yournails? Doyougetbored easily? Doyouleaveyour clothes,etc.lying aroundthehouse? Doyouenjoy drinkingwith friends? Doyouliketo dance? Doyouslurpyour drinks? Doesbadbreath botheryou?

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Doyouenjoy expressing affectioninpublic? Doyou bathe/shower daily? Doyoufailtokeep promises? Doyouremember specialdates? Doyoulike/dislike loudmusic? Areyouanexercise buff?

Nowsharewithyourpartner.

SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES

Thisexerciseprovidesanopportunitytodiscoversomeofthebasicthingsaboutyourselfand yourpartner.Bebriefinwritingtheanswers.Answerindividuallyforyourselfandforyour partnerandthenshareyourresponseswithyourpartner.(ThecolumnswithYourPartners Answersareforyoutofillwhileyouaresharingresponses)

1.BACKGROUND

You

YourPartner

YourPartners Answers

YourPartners Answers ConcerningYou

Nationality Religion Numberof childreninthe family Highestlevelof education 5of72

2.FAMILY

You

YourPartner

YourPartners Answers

YourPartners Answers ConcerningYou

Whoisthe "boss"inthe family? Whodisciplines athome? Parents"just livingtogether" orhappily married? Areyouclose, competitive, friendly,distant withbrothers? (writeinword) Areyouclose, competitive, friendly,distant withsisters? (writeinword) Ismotherwarm ordistantto father? Isfatherwarm ordistantto mother? Howdoesfather expressangerto mother? Howdoes motherexpress angertofather?

3.PERSONAL

You

YourPartner

YourPartners

YourPartners

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CHARACTERISTICS (check) Sensitive Quiet Stubborn Generous Critical Suspicious Angry Fun Emotional Attractive Happy Dominant Hardworking Egotistic Trustworthy Insecure Ambitious Spiritual Romantic Manipulative Appreciative Petty Loving Jealous Patient Honest Inconsistent Talkative

Answers

Answers ConcerningYou

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Aggressive Logical

4.SOME PERSONAL VALUESAND FEELINGS(Writein wordmost applicable) Areyoubasicallya "house"person? Areyouamorning ornightperson? Areyouaggressive orpassive? Areyouinsecureor ambitious? Areyoupracticalor idealistic? Doyoutendtobe late? Doyougiveinordo youassert yourself? Whomakesyour bednow? Whodoesyour laundry? Whoshoulddothe houseworkinyour marriage? Areyoutooeasy goingorstingywith money? Areyou comfortable/tense withfutureinlaws? Whattypeofbirth controlisdesired? Whendoyouwant yourfirstchild?

You

YourPartner

YourPartners Answers

YourPartners Answers ConcerningYou

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Didyouhavea happyorunhappy childhood? Howmanychildren doyouwishto have?

5.ThestrengthsandweaknessesthatIseeinmyselfare:
YourStrengths YourWeaknesses YourPartnersAnswers ConcerningStrengths YourPartnersAnswers Concerning Weaknesses

ThegoodqualitiesandunpleasantthingsthatIfindinmypartnerare:
GoodQualities UnpleasantThings YourPartnersAnswers GoodQualities YourPartnersAnswers ConcerningUnpleasant Things

Thestrongestandweakestareas/pointsofourrelationshipare: Strongest: Weakest: Now,shareyouranswerswithyourpartner.

PLAN OF ACTION
ReviewExercise2,SimilaritiesandDifferences,completedduringthesessionandanswerthe followingquestionstogether.Ifthespaceprovidedbelowisnotsufficient,usethebackofthe sheettocompletetheexercise.

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1.Fromtheexercisejustdoneand/orfromyourownrecollection: a)Listthethreemostimportantsimilarities:

b)Listthethreemostimportantdifferences:

2.Howarewegoingtocapitalizeonourmutualstrengthstobuildastronger(moreenjoyable) relationship?(bedescriptive)

3.Differencescanenrichourlivestheycanalsocauseirritationandtension a)Howdoourdifferencesenrichourlives?(describe)

b)Whatarewegoingtodoaboutthetension?(Beconcrete)

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DIALOGUE 4: ABOUT MYSELF AND MY PARTNER

PART ONE: THINGS I KNOW ABOUT MYSELF.
1ThebestqualitiesofmymotherwhichIcanseeinmyselfare MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

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2TheweaknessesofmymotherwhichIcanseeinmyselfare MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

3ThebestqualitiesofmyfatherwhichIcanseeinmyselfare MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

4TheweaknessesofmyfatherwhichIcanseeinmyselfare MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

5ThreeimportanteventswhichhappenedinmyfamilywhenIwasgrowingup... MyAnswer 1) 2) 3) MyPartnersAnswerAbout Himself/Herself

....howeachoftheseaffectedmylife: MyAnswer 1) 2) 11of72 MyPartnersAnswerAbout Himself/Herself

3)

6ThefinancialsituationofmyfamilywhileIwasgrowingupaffectedmeinthisway MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

7Thewaymyparentsdealtwithoneanotheraffectedmeinthisway_____ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

8Myfamilytreatedme_____________________________________________andthis affectedmeinthisway__________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

9ThewayIwoulddescribemypersonalityis________________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

10ThemostimportantthingIhavelearnedabouthowtorelatetootherpeopleis_________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

11ThebiggestchangethatIthinkwillhappentomewhenwemarryis_______________ 12of72

MyAnswer

MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

12Myapproachtosolvingproblemsis___________________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

13Mystrongestconvictionor"belief"abouteachofthefollowingis: Mystrongestconvictionor "belief"abouteachofthe followingis: Job/career: UseofMoney: Friends: Tellingthetruth: Dealingwithproblems: Meaningofsexual intercourse: Useofalcohol: Praver: Useofdrugs: Sundayworship: Fidelitytolovedone: Makingdecisionsinalove relationship: Roleofamaninalove relationship: 13of72 MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAbout Himself/Herself

Roleofawomaninalove relationship: Authorityinamarriage:

14Myfavoritefoodis_________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

15Myfavoriteformofrecreationis___________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

16Theissuethatislikelytogiveusdifficultyinourmarriageis__________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

17Iwilldealwiththisdifficultyby__________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

18Iamdifferentfrommypartnerinthat________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswerAboutHimself/Herself

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PART TWO: THINGS I THINK I KNOW ABOUT MY PARTNER:

1Thebestqualitiesofhis/hermotherwhichIcanseeinmypartnerare MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

2Theweaknessesofhis/hermotherwhichIcanseeinmypartnerare MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

3Thebestqualitiesofhis/herfatherwhichIcanseeinmypartnerare MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

4Theweaknessesofhis/herfatherwhichIcanseeinmypartnerare MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

5Threeimportanteventswhichhappenedinhis/herfamilywhenmypartnerwasgrowingup.. MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner 1) 2) 3) MyPartnersAnswerAbout Me

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....howeachoftheseaffectedhis/herlife: MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner 1) 2) 3) MyPartnersAnswerAbout Me

6Thefinancialsituationofhis/herfamilywhilemypartnerwasgrowingupaffectedmypartner inthisway MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

7Thewayhis/herparentsdealtwithoneanotheraffectedmypartnerinthisway_____ MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

8His/herfamilytreatedmypartner_______________________________andthisaffected him/herinthisway__________ MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

9ThewayIwoulddescribemypartner'spersonalityis________________________________ MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

10Themostimportantthingmypartnerhaslearnedabouthowtorelatetootherpeopleis 16of72

MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner

MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

11ThebiggestchangethatIthinkwillhappentomypartnerwhenwemarryis___________ MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

12Mypartner'sapproachtosolvingproblemsis___________________________________ MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

13Ithinkmypartnersstrongestconvictionor"belief"abouteachofthefollowingis: Mystrongestconvictionor "belief"abouteachofthe followingis: Job/career: UseofMoney: Friends: Tellingthetruth: Dealingwithproblems: Meaningofsexual intercourse: Useofalcohol: Praver: Useofdrugs: Sundayworship: 17of72 MyAnswerConcerningMy Partner MyPartnersAnswerAbout Me

Fidelitytolovedone: Makingdecisionsinalove relationship: Roleofamaninalove relationship: Roleofawomaninalove relationship: Authorityinamarriage: 14Mypartner'sfavoritefood:_____________________________ MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

15Mypartner'sfavoriteformofrecreation:___________________ MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

16Theissuethatislikelytogivemypartnerdifficultyinourmarriageis_________ MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

17Ithinkhe/shewilldealwiththisdifficultyby_______________________ MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

18Ithinkmypartnerismostdifferentfrommeinthat____________________ MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

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QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DIALOGUE 5: MARRIAGE IS A COMMITMENT TO CONSTANT PERSONAL CHANGE

PART ONE: PATTERNS OF FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOR IN MYSELF

A)Mostimportantfrustrations/hurtsofmychildhood:__________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

B)Howdidtheseexperiencesmakemefeel? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

C)Whenthesethingshappened,mytendencywasto: MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

D)Inmyrelationshipwithmypartner,Isometimesfindmyselffeeling MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

E)Mytendency,whenIfeelthesefeelings,isto MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

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PART TWO: QUESTIONS FOR FURTHER DIALOGUE.

1Howismypartnerlikemyownparents?_________________________ MyAnswerConcerningMyPartner MyPartnersAnswerAboutMe

2HowamIliketheparentsofmypartner?_________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

3HowamIlearningto"see"myweaknesses,andsharethemwithmypartner? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

4HowdoIfeelwhenmypartnerlistenstomyfearsandstruggles? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

5HowamIlearningthemeaningof"nospousecanchangehisorherpartner"? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

6WhatisanexampleofhowIamlearningtoletgooftryingtochangemypartner,andfocus onchangingmyself?__________________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

7Howdoesthiskindoffocusonmyselfaffectmyrelationshipwithmypartner? 20of72

MyAnswer

MyPartnersAnswer

3 MONTHS INTO CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

1Whatwasmythinkingabout"nospousecanchangehis/herspouse!"whenwebeganour marriage?______________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

2HaveItriedtochangeanythingaboutmyspouseatthispoint?Whathasbeentheresult? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

3Whataremyfeelingsabouttheideaofworkingatchangingme,ratherthanmyspouse? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

6 MONTHS INTO CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

1DoIfinditeasyordifficulttoresisttheurgetochangemyspouse? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

2WhatchangeshaveImadeinmyselfduringthepast6months? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

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3WhatkindofgradewouldIgiveusasacoupleinourcommitmenttofocusonself changeratherthantryingtochangetheotherperson? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whatareexamplesofoursuccess? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Examplesofdoingpoorly? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Furtherthoughtsandfeelings: MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DIALOGUE 6: FAMILY TRADITIONS

PART ONE:
Thefollowinglistofideastohelpyouidentifyandwritedownimportantfamilytraditionsfor personalreflectionandthensharingwithyourpartner.ForeachtopicareaIhaveaskedseveral questionstohelpyouthinkaboutyourownfamily'straditions.Writewhatyouthinkisthebest waytodescribethetraditionsofyourfamily. 1Traditionsofauthorityandresponsibility: Whowasthe"bossinmyfamily,orhowwasauthoritysharedbetweenmyparents? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

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Howwereproblemssolvedanddecisionsmadeinthefamily? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howdidfamilymembersdealwithanger? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howdidpeople"argue"and"fight"inmyfamily? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howwerechildrendealtwith? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Didanykindofabusetakeplaceinmyfamily? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

2Inmyfamilywhatwasthemostimportantfamilytradition(s)! MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

3Roleofmyextendedfamily: WhatroledidUnclesandAuntsandCousinsandGrandparentshaveinourfamily? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howdidthesepeopleaffectmyownlifeasachild? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer 23of72

Whatroledid"adoptedfamilymembersplay? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

4Familygatherings: Whatwerethemostimportantgatheringsofmyfamily? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howdidwecelebratethesegatherings? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whowasinvitedandwhowasnotinvitedtothesegatherings? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

5AddictionsandSubstanceAbuse: Howdidmyfamilyusealcohol/tobacco/drugs/food? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howhasthisaffectedme?_____________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Didanyofthemembersofmyfamily"overuse"things?Wereanyofthemaddicts? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

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6FamilySpirituality: WhatwerethefamilytraditionsconcerningSundayworship? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

WhatwerethefamilytraditionsconcerningPrayer?________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howwerechildrentaughttopray?______________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

WhatwerechildrentaughtaboutGod?___________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whatdidthefamilyteachaboutdeath?_________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whataboutlifeafterdeath?___________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howwerefuneralscelebratedinmyfamily?______________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

7Family'srelationshiptoSociety: 25of72

Howdidmyfamilythinkof"politics"?____________Whatabout"socialstatus"? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whatdidmyfamilyteachthechildrenaboutthegovernment"and"voting"?____ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whatdidmyfamilyteachthechildrenabout"servingothers"? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howwasmyfamilyinvolvedinchurchorcityevents?______ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

WhatwasItaughtabouthelpingthoseinneed? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

8WorkSchool.&FamilyDiscipline'. Howdidmyfamilythinkaboutwork?_______________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howimportantwasittomakemoney?______________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Wasitmoreimportanttobuythingsortosavemoney?_____________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer 26of72

Wasphysicalpunishmentusedinmyfamily?_________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Wasthismorehelpfulormorehurtfultome?_________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howwerechildrentaughttostudy?______________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howimportantwasittogetgoodgrades?___________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whatwastheimportanceofgettinghomeworkdoneontime?_________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howimportantwasittopaybillsontime?_________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

9Sexuality. Whatwastheattitudeofmyfamilyaboutsex? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howwerethechildrentaughtaboutsex? 27of72

MyAnswer

MyPartnersAnswer

Wassexeducationdonewellorpoorlyinmyfamily?____________WhydoIsaythat? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

WasIoranyoneinmyfamilyeversexuallyabused?________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howdidthisaffectme&myfamily?___________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whatwerechildrentaughtaboutbeing"sexuallyactive"beforemarriage? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whatwastaughtaboutthemeaningofsexualintercourse? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whatwastaughtaboutthemethodsoffamilyplanning?_________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whatwastaughtaboutabortion?_________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Howhavetheseteachingsaffectedmyownattitudesandoutlook? 28of72

MyAnswer

MyPartnersAnswer

Wasmyfamilysuccessfulingivingthemembersappropriateaffection?_________WhydoI saythis?_____________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

10ValuesofmyFamily. WhatwerethekeyvaluesthatIlearnedfrommyfamily?(Youmightjudgethatsomeofthese werenegative/falsevalues)_______________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

WerethereanythatIwouldliketochange,whenIamaparent?______Why? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

PART TWO:
AfterdialoguewithyourpartneraboutPartI,thengoontodiscuss: 1Whatfamilytraditionsdowewanttoestablishinourownmarriageandforourchildren? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

2Ifanyofthesearedifferentfromthetraditionsofourfamilies,whatskillsmightweneedto learntoaccomplishthesefamilytraditions?Howwillwelearntheseskills?____________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

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3 MONTHS INTO CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

1HaveIseentraditionsthatweinheritedfromourpersonalfamiliescauseconflictinour marriage? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

2Whatarewedoingtodealwiththeseconflicts? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

3WhatamIdoingthatseemshelpfulindealingwithmyfeelingsabouttheseconflicts? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

6 MONTHS INTO CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE.

1Whatisthemostdifficultkindofconflictthatwehaveexperiencedinthepast6months? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

2What"familytraditions"areweworkingonnowinourmarriage?Whyaretheyimportantto us? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Furtherthoughtsandfeelings: MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

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Part 2
VALUE DISCOVERY
Valuesarethebasicmotivesfordoingwhatwedo.Inordertodiscoveryourvalues,lookatthe decisionsyoumakeandthewayyoulive.Workonthisinventoryonyourownandthenshareit withyourpartner. 1)Inourmarriage,themostimportantthingstomeare:(rankfourofthefollowingonebeingthe mostsignificant: YourTopFour yourunderstandingofmy problemsandfeelings thechancetohavechildren thestandardoflivingthe kindofhouse,clothes,car andsoforth yourexpressionofloveand affectionforme companionshipindoing thingstogetherwithyou communityinvolvement closecontactswithour respectivefamilies other:(explain)__________ 2.SpiritualLife:HowinterestedamIinreligiousmattersandmoralbeliefs? YourAnswer Veryinterested Somewhatinterested 31of72 YourPartnersAnswer YourPartnersTopFour

Notinterested

ThesearethethingsIvaluesharingwithyou: YourAnswer talkingaboutreligiousissues involvementinchurch activities celebratingtheEuchariston Sundays Jesus'lifeinHisSacraments readingtheScriptures prayingtogether beingpartoftheparish community myfaith searchingforcommon groundinmattersoffaith arelationshipopentolove andlife other:(explain) noneoftheabove YourPartnersAnswer

3)ConflictResolution:a)Mypersonalpreferenceinresolvingdisagreementswithyouis:(check) YourAnswer initiatingdiscussion hurtingback attacking 32of72 YourPartnersAnswer

tryingtogettheupperhand compromising(Igiveup something) negotiating(discuss differencesandarriveata solution) seekingoutsidehelp bringingupoldinjuries givingin avoidingtheissue forgettingaboutit accomodating resolvingtheconflictandthen forgiving other:(explain)

3)b)Ithinkthatthewaywegenerallyresolvedisagreementsis:(check) YourAnswer givingin initiatingdiscussion avoidingtheissue forgettingaboutit hurtingback attacking tryingtogettheupperhand compromising(Igiveup something) 33of72 YourPartnersAnswer

negotiating(discuss differencesandarriveata solution) seekingoutsidehelp accomodating bringingupoldinjuries resolvingtheconflictandthen forgiving other:(explain)

4)EmotionalNeeds:Igenerallyexpressmyemotionalneedsforwarmth,affection,love,caring, understandingwithyouby:(check) YourAnswer physicalcloseness sharingdailypersonal experiences givingundividedattention beingconsiderateofyour feelings judgingsuchneedsas unnecessary don'tknowsuchneeds(or yourneeds) don'tknowhowtomeetthem finditdifficulttoexpressthem don'tlikethefeelings havetroubleacceptingthem fromyou other:(explain) 34of72 YourPartnersAnswer

5)SexualFeelingsSexualfeelingsandexpressionsarerelatedtootherfeelingsand expressions.Thestatementsthatareconsistentwithmyfeelingsandbehaviourare:(check) YourAnswer Iseekmyownconvenience withoutconsideringyour feelings Iputyourneedsbeforemy own Ikeepsexuallyattractive IpoutwhenIcan'thavemy way InaguntilIgetmyway Iresenttheemphasison sexualrelationship Thetwoofusunderstand eachother'sfeelingswell Imaintainanatmosphereof romanceandcaring Idon'thaveagreatneedfor suchintimacies Iexpressmydesirestobe intimate Itrustyouandamwillingto sharemyfeelings Ifeelfreetotalkaboutmy sexualfeelings other:(explain)_____ YourPartnersAnswer

6)HandlingMoney:Thestatementswhichbestdescribemywayofhandlingmoneyare:

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YourAnswer tooeasygoing stingy worrytoomuch havebettermoneysense thanyou spendmostofmyearnings onmyself usuallydiscussmatterswith you don'ttellyouofmyexpenses havingtroubletalkingthings overwithyou amopenaboutexpenditures don'tknowwhattodo havenogoalsforfuture usecreditcards amsavingalot other:(explain)

YourPartnersAnswer

7)DecisionMaking:AreasofourrelationshipinwhichIexpecttomakedecisionsare:(list) YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

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Inormallyarriveatthesedecisionsbecause: YourAnswer Ihaveconfidenceinmyself Iconsidermyselfabetter decisionmakerthanyou Itendtomakedecisionsin termsofhowIfeelatthe moment Iusuallyconsultwithyou Iconstantlygoovermy decisions Itakeyourfeelingsinto consideration Iamwillingtotakeon responsibilities other:(explain) YourPartnersAnswer

8)FamilyandInLaws:GenerallyIrelatewith:(check) YourAnswers MyFamily YourAnswers InLaws Iamcautious openly feeldistant 37of72 YourPartners Answers PartnersFamily YourPartners Answers MyFamily

superficially withwarmth amanxious withfear arguealot withresentment

9)LeisureTime:Inmyfreetime,Idothefollowingactivitiesmostoften:(checkthree) YourAnswer spendtimeworkingata hobby watchTValotalone watchTVwithyou takefrequentrideswithyou workonsomethingimportant withyou spendtimealone read playatasportwithyou visitrelatives windowshoppingalone/with friends/withyou other:(explain)________ YourPartnersAnswer

10)Friendship:Thefollowingareimportanttome:(check) YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer 38of72

seekingoutfriendswithyou formutualgrowth havingone/twoveryclose friendstherestIconsideras acquaintances donthaveanyfriends don'tenjoythecompanyof friends spendingagooddealoffree timewithaparticularfriend enjoyingfrequentcompanyof friends spendingmostofmyfree timewithrelatives usingfriendswheninneed dislikeyourfriends other:(explain)

11)DivisionofLabour:Thisisalistoftypicaltaskswhichmostfamiliesperform.Iexpectto: (check) YourAnswer repairthingsaroundthe house shovelthesidewalk(if applicable) keeptrackofmoneyandthe bills getbreakfast/dinnerready dodishes mowthelawn(ifapplicable) dothegroceryshopping 39of72 YourPartnersAnswer

cleanhouse/apartment dolaundry/ironing makethebeds other:(explain)

Iexpecttodothesetasksbecause...

12)Howoftendowetalkabouteachother'svalues? YourAnswer Veryoften Sometimes VerySeldom YourPartnersAnswer

Now,sharewithyourpartner.

BECOMING A PARENT
Thefollowinginventoryisintendedtoassistyouintakingacriticallookatyourselfandfindingout yourmotivationforhavingchildren.Pleasecompleteitseparately. 1)Yourreasonsforwantingtohavechildren(chooseanythree): YourAnswer formyownpleasureand emotionalsatisfaction forcompanionship YourPartnersAnswer

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theygivemylifepurposeand meaning theystrengthenmarriageand bringhusbandandwife closertogether becauseGodcommandedus to"increaseandmultiply" Ilikechildren pressurefromfamilyand friends tosatisfymyneedtonurture andprotect becausehavingchildrenis goodforacoupleandsociety forthepleasureofcreating withmyspouseanew humanbeing sothatIcanpassontothem myidentity,personality,etc. becausewhenonegets married,oneisexpectedto havechildren Ihavenoadequatereason toprovemy masculinity/femininity other:(explain)

2)Thequestionofhowmanychildrenacoupleshouldhave.(choosewhatisappropriatetoyou): YourAnswer belongstothehonest judgementofthecouple 41of72 YourPartnersAnswer

shouldbemadein consultationwithapriest dependsonthewife's readinesstobearachild shouldincludea considerationofone'sage shouldexaminethecouple's presentandfuturefinancial situation shouldbelefttothewillof God shouldrelatetothecouple's physicalhealthandemotional growth willdependuponwhata coupleprizeasthegoalof theirmarriage 3)Belowarepossiblereasonscouplesdecidenottohavechildren/topostponehaving children/torestrictthesizeofthefamily.Choosewhatreasonsareimportanttoyouandrank theminorderofimportance(onebeingthemostimportant): YourAnswer risingunemployment notenoughfoodtogoaround sothatIcandomyownthing generalsenseofuncertainty worryaboutmychild'sfuture demandsandexpectations placedonmeasaparent confusionoverchildrearing practices juveniledelinquency 42of72 YourPartnersAnswer

brokenhomeandrising divorces toomanychildrenalreadyin theworld theideaofchangingdiapers, feedings,sleeplessnights upsetsme pressurefromfamilyand friends fearofresponsibility Ithinkchildrenwillbetoo demandingonourlovefor eachother (woman)fearofpregnancy other:(explain)

4)Lookingbackoveryourchildhoodyears,doyoufeelthatbasicallyitwas(Checkone) YourAnswer ahappytimeofyourlife asomewhathappytime atimeyoudon'tliketo remember asadtime YourPartnersAnswer

Howdoyouthinkthosechildhoodexperienceswillaffectyourdecisionto 43of72

havechildren?(explain) YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

5)willyourapproachtowardchildrearinganddisciplinebe: YourAnswer tough/hard toloveyourchildifhe/sheis obedientandgood toallowyourchildtodoas he/shewishes overprotective Doyoufindanysimilaritybetweenyourapproachandthewayyourparentstreatedyou? (describe) YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Doyouthinkyouhaveaprettygoodknowledgeaboutraisingchildren?

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YourAnswer Yes No Ilearnedalotfromhome I'dliketogetmoreinformation

YourPartnersAnswer

6)Howsoonwouldyouliketohaveyourfirstchild? YourAnswer assoonaswecan assoonaswecanaffordto buyahouse inayearortwo fiveyearsfromnow threeyearsdowntheroad haven'tgivenanythoughtyet undecided itdependswhenmyfuture spousewantsit wheneverGodsendsittous other:(explain)

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Ifyoudesiretohavemorethanonechild,whenwouldyouliketohaveyoursecondone? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Ifyourplanstohavechildrenaredifferentfromyourspouse'splans,whatwouldyoudo? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Ifyoudecidetopostponehavingchildren,whatmeanswillyouuse?Pleasecomment YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

7)Whatareyourthoughtsonbeingpresentwithyourspouseatthebirthofyourchild?

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YourAnswer

YourPartnersAnswer

8)Whatfactorsenterintoyourdecisionwhetherornottohavechildren? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Bespecific: YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Whatwouldyoutellyourrelativesandfriendsiftheyaskedyouwhenyouweregoingtostarta family? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

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9)Doyouwishtohavechildren? YourAnswer YesorNo Why: YourPartnersAnswer YesorNo Why:

Howmanychildrenwouldyouliketohave?Why? YourAnswer Number: Why: YourPartnersAnswer Number: Why:

10)Becomingaparentisaseriousresponsibilityinitself.Listfiveareasofresponsibilityfor being(a)afather,(b)amother,andranktheminorderofpriority(onebeingthemostimportant): a)Responsibilitiesofbeingafather YourAnswer 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. b)Responsibilitiesofbeingamother 48of72 YourPartnersAnswer

YourAnswer 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

YourPartnersAnswer

11)Describehowthearrivalofyourchildwillprovideopoortunitiesforgrowthinyourmarriage: YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Now,sharewithyourpartner.

LEARNING FROM PARENTS

Manyofourvaluesandexpectationsformarriagearelearnedfromtheexamplesetbyour parents.Athome,answerthefollowingquestionsseparately,thenreadtheother'sanswers.Use theinformationasastartingpointfordiscussiontodiscovermoredifferences/similaritiesin parentalmodels.(Ifeitherofyourparentswasnotthereduringyourgrowingyears,youmight considerinstead,someoneelsewhohashadaninfluenceonyou.) 1)Inyourparents'marriage,whattasksandresponsibilitiesareconsideredtobeprimarilyyour father'srole? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

2)Howdoesyourfatherenjoyspendinghisleisuretime? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer 49of72

Whatisyourmother'sreactiontotheseactivities? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

3)Asyougrewup,whichemotionswereneverorrarelyexpressedbyyourfather? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

4)whatdoesyourfatherpraiseyourmotherfor? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

5)Howdoesheexpresshisappreciation,anger,affection,sadness? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

6)Howdoesyourfathershowhisreligiousviews?(e.g.churchattendance,prayer,readings, talkaboutGod,etc.) YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

7)Describeyourfather'srelationshipwithhisparents,brothers,sisters: YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

8)Howdoesyourfathercomeacrosstohischildren? 50of72

YourAnswer

YourPartnersAnswer

9)Inyourparents'marriage,whatareyourmother'sprimaryrolesandresponsibilities? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

10)Howdoesyourmotherenjoyspendingleisuretime? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Howdoesyourfatherencourageorreacttotheseactivities? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

11)Asyougrewup,whichemotionsdidyourmotherrarelyornevershow? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

12)Whatdoesyourmotherpraiseyourfatherfor? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

13)Howdoesyourmotherexpressappreciation,anger,affection,sadness? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

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14)Howdoesyourmotherexpressherreligiousvalues? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

15)Describeyourmother'srelationshipwithherparents,brothersandsisters: YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

16)Howdoesyourmothercomeacrosstoherchildren? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

17)Whatactivitiesdoyourmotherandfatherenjoytogetherintheirfreetime? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

18)Whattopicsarefrequentlyasourceofdisagreementbetweenandfather? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

19)Doyouseeorhearthemargue? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

20)Howdoyourparentsbestsettledisagreements? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer 52of72

21)Whohandlesthemoneyinyourhome? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

22)Whodoyouseeastheleaderinthefamily? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

23)Whodisciplineschildreninyourfamily?Howisdisciplinehandled? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

24)Doyourparentsshowtheiraffectionforoneanotherinfrontofthechildren? Yes____No____ Ifyes,how? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

25)Whatadvicedidyourparentsgiveyouinregardto YourAnswer dating? whattolookforinalifetime partner? 53of72 YourPartnersAnswer

howtobeagoodhusbandor wife? howtohaveahappy marriage? sex? theimportanceofreligionin marriage? children?

Afterrereadingyouranswerstotheabovequestions,answerthefollowing: 26)Inwhatwaydoyouexpectyourfuturehusbandtobedifferentfromyourfather?Inwhat wayssimilar? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Inwhatwaysdoyouexpectyourfuturewifetobedifferentfromyourmother?Inwhatways similar? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

27)Inwhatwaysdoyouexpectyourselftobesimilarand/ordifferentfromyourfather? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

28)Inwhatwaysdoyouexpectyourselftobesimilarand/ordifferentfromyourmother? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

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29)Inwhatwaysdoyouexpectyourfuturehusbandtobedifferentfromhisfather? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Inwhatwayssimilar? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Inwhatwaysdoyouexpectyourfuturewifetobedifferentfromhermother? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Inwhatwayssimilar? YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS

Athome,checkthecolumnsthatreflecthowyoubelieveyouexperiencethefeelingslisted below.Foreachfeelingyoumaycheckmorethanonecolumn,ifyoufinditrepresentsyour experience.Doitindividually. Whenyoufinish,shareyouranswerswithyourpartner.Duringthenextsession(SessionIII), youwillhaveachancetoreviewthisexercise. YourResponses Feelings Finditdifficultto express Easytoshare withyou Dontlikethe feeling Havingtrouble acceptingfrom you

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Tenderness Loneliness Joy Sadness Anger Excitement Confusion Anxiety Happiness Frustration Hate Guilt Love Embarrassment Physical (Sexual) Shame Warmth Jealousy Fear Shyness Spontaneity Disappointment Pleasure Failure Helplessness 56of72

Appreciation Caring Judgement Peacefulness Silence YourPartnersResponses Feelings Finditdifficultto express Easytoshare withyou Dontlikethe feeling Havingtrouble acceptingfrom you

Tenderness Loneliness Joy Sadness Anger Excitement Confusion Anxiety Happiness Frustration Hate Guilt Love Embarrassment Physical (Sexual) Shame Warmth 57of72

Jealousy Fear Shyness Spontaneity Disappointment Pleasure Failure Helplessness Appreciation Caring Judgement Peacefulness Silence

HOW DO I COMMUNICATE
Inthefollowingexercise,youcanfindouthowyoubasicallycommunicate,aswellashowyou hearyourpartnercommunicate. Workingseparately,writeonewordanswers(Yes/No)aboutyourselfinthefirstcolumn("DoI") andaboutyourpartnerinthesecond("DoYou").

YourAnswer DOI

YourAnswer DoYou Attemptto persuade, influenceor control?

PartnersAnswer PartnersAnswer DoesHe/She DoI

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Yelland scream(raise voice)? Physically abuse(hitand shove)? Use generalization? Understand "wherethe otherperson's at"? Criticize? Givetotal attention? Interrupt? Askif somethingis not understood? Use"I" messages? Haveattitudeof trust? Defendown position,ideas? Relyonothers todefendown position? Giveclear messages? Keepeye contact? Make encouraging 59of72

reassuring remarks? Sayonething butmean another? Jumpto conclusions? Bringuppast mistakes? Ridicule? Showgenuine interest? Recognize feelingsand concerns? Speakina harshtoneof voice? Feelatease andhavea relaxed posture? Speakandthen act accordingly? Conveyan expressionof warmth? Keepphysical closeness whentalking? Makefun/show humourin wordsand feelings?

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Divert/change thesubject? Feeltense whentalking? Givethesilent treatment? Callnames?

Now,shareyouranswersforthisexercisewithyourpartner,anddoexercisetogether.

PLAN OF ACTION - COMMUNICATION

Thisexerciseistobedonetogether. 1.FromtheExercisejustdonelist: a)ThreethingsthatIdowhichenhancemycommunication Man Woman

b)ThreethingsthatIdowhichimpairmycommunication Man Woman

2.WhatcanIdoindividuallytoimprovemycommunication? 61of72

Man

Woman

3.Howcanwehelpeachothertoimproveourcommunication? Man Woman

Non-Verbal Communication
Inthefollowingliststhereareexamplesofnonverbalcommunication.Checktheexamplesthat youthinkyoucanuse. FacialExpressions FACIALEXPRESSIONS LookingAt Nodding FormingKiss WrinklingNose LickingLips Smiling Grinning Laughing 62of72 YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Giggling RollingEyes Winking RaisingEyebrows WideningEyes Whistling BodilyExpressions BODILYEXPRESSIONS ClappingHands Sighing JumpingUpandDown TappingFingers TakingFastBreath MakingExpansive MovementswithHands SignallingWithHandto EncouragetoContinue RaisingArms SignallingOkay JigglingFoot ShakingHead CoveringFace ShakingFist SwingingLegs ThumbsUp ShruggingShoulders YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

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Patting Touching TOUCHING LayingHandonHand PattingBack Hugging SqueezingHand Kissing RubbingBackoftheNeck TouchingHead TouchingArms Nudging QuickSqueeze Tickling TouchingNose StraighteningClothes PattingCheek GuidingwithHand LeaningOver GentlyPullingHair YourAnswer YourPartnersAnswer

Part 3
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INTIMACY SELF-ASSESSMENT
Readthefollowingstatements.Askyourself:WithwhomdidIsharethisinformationabout intimateaspectsofmyself?(Partner,Father,Mother,Brother,Sister,Friend,Noone).How muchdidIshare?(0=noinfo1=someinfo2=allinfoMI=misinfo).Writetheappropriatecoding (eg.P,orM0or2,etc.)inthetwocolumnsbelow.

WhomdidISharewith? 1)Mygoalsandaspirations formymarriage. 2)HowmuchmoneyIhave, makeandowe. 3)Myfeelingsaboutthe choiceofcareerIhavemade. 4)WhatdoIdoandsaywhen Ireallygetangry. 5)Theonequalityofmy partnerImostadmire. 6)MybeliefsinGod. 7)ThewaysinwhichIfeelI ammostimmature. 8)Mymostguiltysecrets. 9)Myfavouriteerotic fantasies. 10)Thebehaviourofmine thatbothersmypartnerthe most. 11)Thoseaspectsofmy dailyworkImostenjoy. 12)Thesourcesof unhappinessinmy relationship. 13)Myfeelingsaboutmy futureinlaws.

HowmuchDidIshare?

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14)Theonebehaviourofmy partnerthatbothersmethe most. 15)Whatgivesmethe greatestsatisfactioninmy relationshipwithmypartner. _______________ 16)ThosethingsIhavemost regretteddoinginmylife. 17)Myviewsonpolitics. 18)Thesourcesofstressin mywork. 19)Whatusuallygetsme downthemost? 20)WhatIammostproudof aboutmyself. Please,donotsharewithyourpartner. Shouldacoupledecidetosharethisinformation,asupplementarysheetisincluded:

MY PARTNERS INTIMACY SELF-ASSESSMENT

Readthefollowingstatements.Askyourself:WithwhomdidIsharethisinformationabout intimateaspectsofmyself?(Partner,Father,Mother,Brother,Sister,Friend,Noone).How muchdidIshare?(0=noinfo1=someinfo2=allinfoMI=misinfo).Writetheappropriatecoding (eg.P,orM0or2,etc.)inthetwocolumnsbelow.

WhomdidISharewith? 1)Mygoalsandaspirations formymarriage. 2)HowmuchmoneyIhave, makeandowe. 3)Myfeelingsaboutthe choiceofcareerIhavemade.

HowmuchDidIshare?

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4)WhatdoIdoandsaywhen Ireallygetangry. 5)Theonequalityofmy partnerImostadmire. 6)MybeliefsinGod. 7)ThewaysinwhichIfeelI ammostimmature. 8)Mymostguiltysecrets. 9)Myfavouriteerotic fantasies. 10)Thebehaviourofmine thatbothersmypartnerthe most. 11)Thoseaspectsofmy dailyworkImostenjoy. 12)Thesourcesof unhappinessinmy relationship. 13)Myfeelingsaboutmy futureinlaws. 14)Theonebehaviourofmy partnerthatbothersmethe most. 15)Whatgivesmethe greatestsatisfactioninmy relationshipwithmypartner. _______________ 16)ThosethingsIhavemost regretteddoinginmylife. 17)Myviewsonpolitics. 18)Thesourcesofstressin mywork. 19)Whatusuallygetsme downthemost? 67of72

20)WhatIammostproudof aboutmyself.

ASPECTS OF INTIMACY
Onthelefthandsiderankeachoftheseaspectsaccordingtoitsimportancetoyou(1=least importantto12=mostimportant).Ontherighthandsiderateyourdegreeofsatisfactioninyour relationship(1=verylowto10=veryhigh).

RankOrder(1to12)

IntimacyType CommunicationIntimacy. Activelistening.Beinghonest, open,trusting.Constructive feedback. EmotionalIntimacy. Appropriatesharingof significantfeelings.Depth awarenessofselfandthe other. IntellectualIntimacy. Sharingofideasandinsights. Respectandsupportofeach othersintellectualcapacities. ConflictIntimacy. Facingandstrugglingwith differencestogetherina constructiveway.Working towardconflictresolution.

Satisfaction(1to10)

CrisisIntimacy. Standingtogetherinlifes difficultiesandtragedies. Closenessincopingwith 68of72

conflictsandpain. CommitmentIntimacy. Togethernessderivedfrom dedicationtoeachother. Seekingbalancebetween closenessandautonomy. Dependable.Responsible. Accountable. WorkIntimacy. Sharingtasks.Supporting eachothertofulfill responsibilities. SpiritualIntimacy. Sharingofone'sbeliefsin God,onesfaith,religious experiences,values,and ultimateconcerns.Praying together. SexualIntimacy. Asanticipated:respectfor andsharingofone'sand partner'ssexualgifts Sensualemotional satisfaction. CreativeIntimacy. Helpingeachothertogrow,to becocreators(not "reformers)ofeachother. RecreationalIntimacy. Sharingexperiencesoffun, sports,hobbiesandinterests. AestheticIntimacy.

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Sharingexperiencesof beauty(music,nature,art, theatre,etc.).

INTIMACY AND SPIRITUALITY

DoIbelieveinGod? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

DoIpraynow? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Doweplantopraytogetherasamarriedcouple? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

HowdoIexpressmybeliefstomypartner? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Doweplantogotochurchasacoupleandasafamily? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

DoIwantourchild(ren)tobelieveinGod? 70of72

MyAnswer

MyPartnersAnswer

Whowillteachourchild(ren)aboutGod? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

LEARNING FROM PARENTS

Manyofourvaluesandexpectationsformarriagearelearnedfromtheexamplesetbyour parents.Athome,answerthefollowingquestionsseparately,thenreadtheother'sanswers.Use theinformationasastartingpointfordiscussiontodiscovermoredifferences/similaritiesin parentalmodels.(Ifeitherofyourparentswasnotthereduringyourgrowingyears,youmight considerinstead,someoneelsewhohashadaninfluenceonyou.) 1.Inyourparentsmarriage,whattasksandresponsibilitiesareconsideredtobeprimarilyyour fathersrole? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

2.Howdoesyourfatherenjoyspendinghisleisuretime?______________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Whatisyourmothersreactiontotheseactivities?_________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

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3.Asyougrewup,whichemotionswereneverorrarelyexpressedbyyourfather?_____ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

4.Whatdoesyourfatherpraiseyourmotherfor?___________________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

5.Howdoesheexpresshisappreciation,anger,affection,sadness?_________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

6.Howdoesyourfathershowhisreligiousviews?(e.g.churchattendance,prayer,readings,talk aboutGod,etc) MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

7.Describeyourfathersrelationshipwithhisparents,brothers,sisters:_______________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

8.Howdoesyourfathercomeacrosstohischildren?______________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

9.Inyourparentsmarriage,whatareyourmothersprimaryrolesandresponsibilities? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer 72of72

10.Howdoesyourmotherenjoyspendingleisuretime?_____________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

11Asyougrewup,whichemotionsdidyourmotherrarelyornevershow?____________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

12.Whatdoesyourmotherpraiseyourfatherfor?_____________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

13.Howdoesyourmotherexpressappreciation,anger,affection,sadness?___________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

14.Howdoesyourmotherexpressherreligiousvalues?_________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

15.Describeyourmothersrelationshipwithherparents,brothersandsisters:__________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

16.Howdoesyourmothercomeacrosstoherchildren?

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MyAnswer

MyPartnersAnswer

17.Whatactivitiesdoyourmotherandfatherenjoytogetherintheirfreetime? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

18.Whattopicsarefrequentlyasourceofdisagreementbetweenyourmotherandfather? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

19.Doyouseeorhearthemargue?_____________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

20Howdoyourparentsbestsettledisagreements? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

21.Whohandlesthemoneyinyourhome?___________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

22.Whodoyouseeastheleaderinthefamily?______________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

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23.Whodisciplinesthechildreninyourfamily?Howisdisciplinehandled? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

24.Doyourparentsshowtheiraffectionforoneanotherinfrontofchildren?Yes___No___ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Ifyes,how?______________________________________________________________ MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

25.Whatadvicedidyourparentsgiveyouinregardto: dating? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

whattolookforinalifetimepartner? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

howtobeagoodhusbandorwife? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

howtohaveahappymarriage?

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MyAnswer

MyPartnersAnswer

sex'? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

theimportanceofreligioninmarriage? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

children? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Afterrereadingyouranswerstotheabovequestions,answerthefollowing:

26Inwhatwaydoyouexpectyourfuturehusbandtobedifferentfromyourfather?Inwhatways similar'? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

Inwhatwaysdoyouexpectyourselftobesimilarand/ordifferentfromyourfather? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

28.Inwhatwaysdoyouexpectyourselftobesimilarand/ordifferentfromyourmother? 76of75

MyAnswer

MyPartnersAnswer

29.Inwhatwaysdoyouexpectyourfuturehusbandtobedifferentfromhisfather?Inwhatways similar? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

30.Inwhatwaysdoyouexpectyourfuturewifetobedifferentfromhermother?Inwhatways similar? MyAnswer MyPartnersAnswer

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