M O S T O F T H E S T O R I E S A N D I N F O R M AT I O N P O S T E D H E R E M A Y V E R Y W E L L B E A R T I S T I C W O R K S O F F I C T I O N A N D F A L S E H O O D . O N LY A F O O L W O U L D TA K E A N Y T H I N G P O S T E D H E R E A S F A C T.

ANONYMOUS

W E A R E N O T / R / F AT P E O P L E H AT E O R / R / F AT P E O P L E O B S E R V AT I O N S O R / R / S T O R Y W I T H A F AT P E R S O N I N I T. I T L L G E T R E M O V E D R E G A R D L E S S O F H O W L O N G Y O U S P E N T T Y P I N G I T U P. T H I S I S N T / R / R E A C T I O N G I F S E I T H E R . R E P E AT O F F E N D E R S W I L L B E B A N N E D . RULE 2

W E A LW AY S W A N T T O H E A R M O R E S T O R I E S , N O N E O F T H I S L E T M E K N O W I F Y O U W A N T T O H E A R M O R E S T U F F. RULE 3

VA R I O U S AU T H O R S

BEETUS ANTHOLOGY

R E D D I T. C O M / R / F AT P E O P L E S T O R I E S

Copyright 2013 Various Authors published by reddit. com / r / fatpeoplestories

http://www.reddit.com/r/beetusanthology

All stories property of their respective authors. Reprinted with permission. First printing, October 2013

Contents

Dedicated to This is Thin Privilage.

Introduction
Blah blah blah.

Chapter 1: Stories by DroppedMyOreo

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Hambeast
Long time lurker, rst time poster, I thought Id share my FPS with you guys. >Be me, join sorority in college >Sorority I joined isnt big on denying based on looks. Sisters are thin, fat and everything in between. No super fatties >Enter the baconator >Nice enough, but no fun, generally a party pooper >Interests include: herself, webmd symptom checker, KFC This is all ne, but our sorority goes to regional conferences, with sisters from like 8 states. This is where the story begins >go to conference. Do sorority stuff all day till lunch break >the particular college hosting the conference has a bunch of food shops at the top of their campus. >all other sisters get bagels, sandwiches salads, aka normal people food >not the baconator. She comes back with a giant gift basket of chocolate sweets from the candy shop. Complete with gift wrapping >noneofmy.biz >eats everything but the basket >claims her anxiety medicine makes her not want to eat, so she lets herself eat whatever looks good, just so shell eat "something" >the delusion is strong with this one >more sorority stuff >later we go as a chapter to buy T-Shirts from the conference. >they have small, medium, large and extra large. >baconator asks for mens xxl. Lady says only the shirts are ladies cut style. Only women would be buying sorority shirts, so it makes sense. >frustrated hambeast asks for womans xxxl. Lol nope, they only carry people sizes >Baconator throws a t. Says my sorority encourages eating disorders by holding women to "unrealistic expectations"
Published on Reddit.com by DroppedMyOreo on March 17, 2013. Accessed from http://www.reddit.com/r/
fatpeoplestories/comments/1ah0si/ sisterhood_of_the_traveling_ hambeast/.

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>didnt know ladys extra large was unrealistic, but whatever >everyone stares, so we leave early >turn the music up on the ride home to drown out her requests to stop for McDonalds I think maybe its time we reevaluate letting landplanets into our sorority tl;dr: human landwhale in my sorority ruins everything.

The Baconator Series

Baconator and the Table of Doom
The First Part of the Baconator Series. >Be me, Vice President of my sorority. >Not skinny, but working on it. (54 118 ponds) >House manager tells me we have enough money in our budget to redecorate kitchen and living room this summer. Has to be done on the cheap but whatever. >IKEAtrip.exe >2 hour journey to the nearest ikea, theres not one in our state. Buying new furniture like a boss. >Ikea furniture isnt imsy, pretty good quality shit for the price >Flash forward to start of the new semester, sisters moving back in. Loving the new house. >First chapter meeting of the semester. >Chapter President (56, 160) and me sit on table going through business >Both of get down from the table and head out to get the recruitment plan booklets for the sisters. >While out of the room I hear a huge crash. >Both of us run back to the kitchen. Baconator is laying on the oor making a scene. New table is smashed and broken on the oor. It. is. always. her. >MFW >HTTP 404: Words not found. >Baconator lays on the oor rolling around screaming "DIS TABLE IS CRAP, IT COULDNT HOLD MER CUUURVES. YER TABLE ALMOST KILLED ME." >Explain calmly that the table is NOT a chair (duh) and was sturdy, as both me and the president were sitting on it. >"YER BOTH SOOOOO SKINNAH, DOESNT COUNT" >MFW Im at best considered chubby. >MFW she rolls around on the oor whining. >Kind of looks like a beached whale.
Published on Reddit.com by DroppedMyOreo on June 20, 2013. Accessed from http://redd.it/1grc0s.

chapter 1 : stories by droppedmyoreo

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>Ended the chapter meeting early. Most of us went to saladworks for dinner, since our kitchen table is now reduced to kindling. >A moment of silence for the poor table. >Thin Privilege is not having your ass break furniture. TL;DR: Our Renovated Sorority House is quickly destroyed by baconators ample ass.

Fudgement Day
The Second Part of the Baconator Series. Thanks so much to BattleTard for the title! Background: Sororities participate in formal rush to nd new members. During this time girls who want to join greek life come to the house and meet the sisters, see the house and learn a little bit about the sorority. This gives us a chance to make a great inuence on the people who are rushing, but not my sorority........... because we have the baconator. >Rush week rules require we give/ make available snacks and drinks to rushees. >Baconators favorite rule. >Most girls are out in the open part of the house to meet the new people. A few stay behind the scenes to help set up and make sure everything goes smoothly. Baconator was on this "hidden in the back" team. >First day: Snack was fruit cups to go with our tropical theme. Baconator doesnt waste time on fruit so it was ne (too much sugar for her probably) >Second Day: Snack was pretzels (airline stewardess theme) Baconator eats 4 full bags of pretzels that night, but we were able to get by on what she couldnt shove in her face. baconator secretly vows to try harder. EAT ALL THE FOOD! >Preference Day: Last and most important day of the week. Day people and chapters pick their new members to give bids out to. >fancy day so we shelled out for fancy cupcakes. They were decorated with our mascot >Expensive as fuck. Delicious as fuck. >Saw what dis bitch did to the pretzels, ordered extra cupcakes plus one for each active sister in the chapter. >chapter loved me. Who doesnt love cupcakes? >Preference night: First round of girls come in personally put the cupcakes out, went really well >They eventually left, and we were rushing to clean up and set up before the next round. >One sister comes out from the back "Guys whered you put the
Published on Reddit.com by DroppedMyOreo on March 18, 2013. Accessed from http://redd.it/lajfka.

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cupcakes?" >No prob. "Oh, there are like 60 in the fridge to keep the frosting fresh" someone tells her. >lol nope. checked there, and the kitchen, and the dining room, and the den, and the ritual room. >Cupcakes pulled a houdini. >"Wheres baconator?" Fat girls have a sixth sense for cupcakes >Went to Baconators room: Found her in her formal clothes, covered in frosting. She ate all of them >She ate 60 cupcakes. 60 whole cupcakes in a half hour. >readytopuke.jpg >rushes coming in ten minutes. No food. Oh fuck. >Went through the second round with no food. Went ok I suppose. >Ended up getting in trouble for not having food out. Charged with "dirty rushing" >$150 ne for breaking the rules Moral of the story: Cant put hambeast out to meet people, cause shell eat them. Hide her and shell eat everything else. tl;dr: baconator fuck over our sorority during rush week.

Revenge of the Curves"

The Third Part of the Baconator Series. >Be me, sophomore in a sorority >chapter having a social with a fraternity >frat house has badly constructed stripper pole >wishfulthinking.jpg >Everyone having a fun time dancing >Baconator gets beyond hammered >falling out of fat slut dress >why do they even make those? >suddenly yells " Id bet yall wanna see a REAL woman dance" >thanks but...... no thanks >tries to jump up on pole and spin >resembles a dry hump mixed with a seizure >creaking noise >ohshit.wut >stripper pole comes crashing down, Baconator falls off >giant hole in the ceiling >TIL: stripper poles have weight limits. >Been back there after Pole-tanic. They never bothered to x the hole >Never forget.
Published on Reddit.com by DroppedMyOreo on March 27, 2013. Accessed from http://redd.it/lb4xcc.

chapter 1 : stories by droppedmyoreo

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>RIP: Stripper Pole tl;dr: Fat girl tries to be sexy and fails terribly, a good stripper pole was lost that day.

When Hamplanets Fly

Please excuse the formatting, green text + phone = no bueno Be me 20 years old, rst business trip. Gettingarealjob.exe Flying to chicago (about a 4 hour ight) Be in aisle seat, dude in window.seat seems pretty chill. The middle seat is still empty. Could it be? The holy grail of all ights: the open middle seat. Feel shift in gravity, plane not built to withstand cows. Suddenly hamplanet appears. Couldnt believe it was physically possible to attach that much esh to a human skeleton. As she squeezes past the rows I realise where her seat is. Allofmy.nope Window guy and I exchange a pained look, accept our fate Stops at our row, says "baby doll yall gonna have to move to let a real woman by ." Apparently no longer a "real" woman or an adult I move anyway. She plops herself down. Seat lets out an ungodly creaking sound. Go to sit down, and realize she has taken up half the seat Manifest Destiny: mah currrveees need more room Sit down anyway, want to die before we take off. The smell of rotten mayo and fat rolls that havent seen soap in ages, and her body leaking sweat onto me. Try to drown it out, nope ipod couldnt compete against the.crinkling of snack bags. Routinly paged the ight attendant demanding more plane shaped cookies. Got of the plane after 4 long hours, sticky from sweat and smelling of fatty. Next time, Im driving. tl;dr: got practically absorbed by a hamplanet in the air. Spent 4 long hours trapped under its gravitational pull
Published on Reddit.com by DroppedMyOreo on May 19, 2013. Accessed from http://redd.it/1en96k.

Losing A Friend to Fat Logic

Happy Tuesday r/fatpeoplestories! I gured Id feed the workday beetus with a short tale of what happened to me this weekend. >Be same old me, except home from college.
Published on Reddit.com by DroppedMyOreo on June 25, 2013. Accessed from http://redd.it/1h1ehu.

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>Havent seen old friend High School Ham (HH) this year. Last I heard from her she was really into eating healthy and tness. Says shes really in shape now and wants to meet up. Decide to go shopping with her. >MFW "in shape" means gaining 30 pounds. Now sitting at about 53 180-190. Looks something like this. I know lots of people who got heavy at college. That freshman/sophomore 15 is srs business. But HH didnt just gain 30 pounds, she gained the fat logic. >Both try on the same polka dot dress. Looking good after losing 20 pounds. Show dress to HH. >HH: "DAT DRESS MAKES YO THIGHS LOOK THICK. LOOK OUR LEGS B DA SAME SIZE." >MFW there is no way someone who is a size 0-2 and a size 10-12 are the same size. >dreamon.exe >Stare at her legs, which closely resemble an actual leg of ham >Feel gross anyway, so much for this dress. >Wander over to the fancy lingerie. >Casually looking over lacy baby blue thing. Possible gift for Mr.Boyfriend? >AW NO DROPPEDMYOREO, DAT DERE IS FOR CURVY WOMEN. YOU DONT GOT DEM CURVES FOR DAT. >Goes on to tell me how she was afraid her exercise plan and diet was going to make her lose her "curves" and she didnt want to look like a man so she just never started either. >"HOW U EXPECT ME TO FIND A MAN, WITH NO BOOBS? DAS WHAT GUYS WANT" >I guess boobs under 20 pounds dont count as boobs. >Drove her home afterwards, than went for a run. I lost a good friend to fat logic that day. Know the warning signs of fat, and talk to your kids about fat logic before its too late. Paid for by the Partnership for a Ham-Free America tl;dr: meet up with a friend from high school. Been consumed by the fat logic, too late to do anything about it.

Chapter 2: Stories by