Dependency and Socialisation

Alan Challoner MA MChS

Psychologists consider that there are probably many critical periods for maximal
behaviour change during child development. Environmental impacts experienced
before or after such a critical period are hypothesized to be less effective in modifying or
extending the affected behavioural skills.1

McGraw2 has presented convincing evidence that there is a critical period during infancy
(latter half of the second year of life) during which training for toilet routines may be
most easily and successfully accomplished. Stendler suggests that there may be two
critical periods in the early socialization process during which excessive frustrations will
result in over-dependence on the parent. It is further suggested that such over-
dependent children will have extreme difficulty in making satisfactory adjustments to
some of the demands imposed by the culture in their later development. (Idem, 1963)

Beller has suggested five aspects of the socializing agent that come to have reward
value for the child.3
• Perhaps the first aspect of the parent that acquires such value is that of
physical contact; the infant learns to associate being picked up with reduction
of the hunger drive, or being burped with reduction of pain. Thus the three-
months-old baby can be soothed by being picked up and will stop his crying
momentarily even though hunger or pain still persist.
• Next, proximity of the parent may become reinforced as the infant comes to
associate the mere presence of the socializing agent with drive reduction.
This may come at the point when the child actually recognizes the mother
and distinguishes her from other adults in his environment. Now the mother
does not have to pick the baby up; she merely has to enter the room to stop
his flow of tears, while leaving the room may be enough to induce crying or a
fear reaction.
• Two other aspects of the parent that come to be rewarding to the child are:
paying attention and, verbal praise or approval.
• Actually these two represent a lessening of dependency; they come at a time
when independence is on the rise. As the child comes to do more and more
things by himself, he depends upon his parent not so much for help as for
attention to what he is doing, or for verbal praise and approval.
• A fifth aspect of the parent, the helping aspect, also comes when
independence is on the rise. As the word helping implies, the parent no
longer does everything for the child but now only helps when the child has
begun a task and has encountered difficulties in completing it. Thus the
three-year-old may be able to put on his own shoes but his mother helps by
pointing out which shoe goes on which foot and by tying the laces.

According to Stendler, dependency needs build up first and fast while independency
training begins later and proceeds at a much slower tempo. Nevertheless some six-
months-old babies hold their own bottles and are rewarded by being able to regulate the
intake of milk to their own liking. The nine-months-old baby may get satisfaction from
finger-feeding because his hunger drive can be more readily appeased in that fashion.
And as the proud mother exclaims over the baby’s achievement he eventually finds
enough reward in her approval to want to repeat his independent behaviour.
Paradoxically, he learns to be independent because he has learned to be dependent
upon his mother for acceptance and approval. It is only when he is sufficiently
dependent to be pleased at parental approbation that he can make rapid strides in
independence. (Idem, 1963)
Cultural paradigms are likely to influence both independence and dependence, and for
these he must be trained. The child’s independence cannot be along purely selfish
lines, he must accept the ways of his cultural society. The initial period of maternal
indulgence must end and child training begin. This tends to happen when parents
believe he is old enough to be dangerous to himself or destructive to his environment.
The nine-month-old infant is protected, the fourteen-month-old toddler is restrained, the
eighteen-month-old infant must learn the simple niceties of behaviour, and the two-
year-old must learn to communicate his needs.

As one group of writers has put it:

“It must learn to walk where it has formerly been carried. It learns not to be picked up
when it has experienced some small disaster. It must give up much of the cuddling,
holding and petting which is the prerogative of the smallest darling. Childish
approximations of table manners and etiquette must be altered in favour of the customs
preferred by adults. The child must learn to wait for its food, to keep its face clean, to
submit to having its hair combed, and to eat in the regular stages designated by our table
techniques. At some time or another all of these lengthened sequences invoke
frustrations and elicit protest from the child.”4

However not all children arrive at a satisfactory dependency-independence ratio. Some

children become over-dependent, some too independent. In some parent-child
relationships the mother unwillingly accedes to the child’s excessive dependency
demands and because of her unwillingness, she is inconsistent in her treatment of the
child. (Stendler, Idem, 1963)

Sears, commenting on reinforcement theory, explained how this type of over-

dependency begins.5 In a study of ordinal position in the family as a psychological
variable, he found amongst other things that the oldest child in the family was more
likely to have experienced anxiety in the nursing and weaning situations and at the
same time more nurturance at bedtime and more cautioning about sickness and danger
than second and later children. Older children were also rated as the more dependent.
Sears suggests that the anxiety produced in the nursing and weaning frustration would
serve as the facilitating instigator to whatever behaviour had been predominant in those
infant situations in which the anxiety was aroused. Thus, since dependency behaviour
is likely to be predominant at the time of nursing and weaning, anxiety produced in
nursing and weaning situations will strengthen the dependency needs.

In extending Sears’ hypothesis, Stendler suggests certain critical periods in the

socialization process for the formation of over-dependency. (Idem, 1963) These are the
periods when shifts in awareness of his position in relationship to the socializing agent
occur in the child. A child builds up a set of expectations with regard to how his
dependency needs are to be met. From time to time these expectations change as the
child matures in his perceptions and as his culture makes demands upon him. If there is
a disturbance during one of these times of change, of such a nature that the child must
quickly and radically change his expectations, anxiety will arise. The child will attempt
to resolve the anxiety by the method he has learned to resolve anxiety, i.e., demands
upon the mother for nurturance. In order to produce over-dependency, however, the
anxiety must occur not when one goal response is interfered with, but when whole sets
that seriously threaten dependency needs are disturbed.

Stendler identifies two other critical periods for the formation of over-dependency.
(Idem, 1963) The first critical period begins when the child begins to test out the
mother to see if he can depend upon her. For most children this occurs toward the end
of the first year of life. Earlier the infant has been learning to be dependent upon the
mother. Now he shows his sudden recognition of the importance of his mother by his
demands upon her and especially for his mother’s proximity. In effect, he tests out his
mother, to see if he really can depend upon her and to see if he can control her. He
cries when she leaves his presence and demands that she be in sight or readily
available when he needs help. Gesell et al., report that as early as 28 weeks the baby
“demands more of the one who feeds him”. 6 Bowlby 7 suggests that the most critical

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time for the production of anxiety concerning the mother is after eight months, “When
the child’s first object relationship (to his mother) is developing in a specific way.”

Unpleasant experiences involving separation from the care-taker are vitally important at
this time, when the child has become aware of his dependency upon the mother and is
testing his control of her. During this critical period it is necessary that the infant has his
dependency needs met in the manner to which he has become accustomed. Bowlby
(idem) continues:
“Once a clearly differentiated relationship with the mother has developed at about nine
months, mothering from anyone will not do and it is imperative that the child has an
opportunity of forming a continuous affectional attachment to one person.”

Should the care-taker be absent at this time for substantial periods of his waking hours,
anxiety will be aroused that the child will attempt to resolve by excessive demands upon
the mother when he does have her. His dependency drive will be strengthened by the
anxiety and over-dependency may result.

A second critical period for the formation of over-dependency comes during the two- to
three-year-old period. As Stendler has indicated, this is the time in our society when
demands upon the child to change his old ways of doing things increase tremendously.
Now the child must give up his control of his mother and come to accept his
dependence upon her, yet at the same time learn to be independent in culturally
approved ways. Again, anxiety arises because important goal responses are being
interfered with. In normal socialization the anxiety generated produces the right
amount of dependency. But where disturbances of a traumatic nature occur so that
important habits must be suddenly and drastically changed, so much anxiety may be
generated that over-dependency will result.

These critical periods are normally anxiety-producing for all children because they
involve interference with goal responses; disturbances that occur during one of these
periods and that arouse excessive anxiety may so strengthen the dependency drive that
over-dependency will result.

Stendler believed that the timing of disturbances that affect the dependency drive will
also be a factor in determining how other aspects of personality will be affected. (Idem,
1963) That is, the dependency drive is so related to other aspects of personality that a
disturbance during one of the critical periods will affect other aspects of personality and
that the effects will differ according to the timing of the disturbance. A disturbance
during the first critical period will have a different impact upon personality development
than will a disturbance during the second critical period. She compares these with the
disturbances of the pre-natal environment that are tremendously significant and the
timing of these disturbances is the crucial factor.

During the first eight or nine months of life the child is building up a set of expectations
with regard to how his needs will be met; he is learning dependency. Translated into
Erikson’s language 8, he is learning basic trust in another human being. He learns to
depend upon others, as we have pointed out, by having his physical needs met
consistently by one person. If he does not learn that he can depend upon others,
however, serious personality difficulties arise.

Bender has described children who have not had continuous affectionate care of one
person up to the age of nine months:
“These children impress us with their diffusely impulsive unpatterned behaviour. At all
levels the behaviour is unorganized and remains unorganized. It is exceedingly difficult to
find any educational or psycho-therapeutic method whereby it can be modified into
organized or patterned behaviour. The child is driven by inner impulses that demand
immediate satisfaction; these impulses or needs show the usual changes with physical
and chronological growth of the child, but even this does not add much pattern to the
behaviour. Motivation, discipline, punishment and insight therapy have little effect.

3
Freudian psychology has shown that in the course of normal development the
personality passes through a series of rather well-defined stages until it reaches
maturity. Each new step that is taken, however, entails a certain amount of frustration
and anxiety and if these become too great, normal growth may be temporarily or
permanently halted. In other words, the person may become fixated on one of the
early stages of development because taking the next step is fraught with anxiety. The
overly dependent child exemplifies defence by fixation; anxiety prevents him from
learning how to become independent.
PRE-OEDIPAL A point in development, determined by Freud, before rivalry with the
parent of the same sex has been resolved through identification with this parent or
before sexual feelings for the parent of the opposite sex has been transferred to a
sexual partner outside the family. [Jung believed that the essential process is not the
fixation of the complex, but its revival when a new adaptation is required.]
PRE-SUPEREGOThe super-ego is one of the three components that Freud supposed
made up the psychic structure. The other two being the id and the ego. [See next
box] The super-ego is manifested in conscience, shame and guilt, and is the agency by
which the influence of parents and others is prolonged. Their judgements and
prohibitions are internalized by the process of introjection [incorporating the qualities of others
into the self.] in early childhood before the child is able to question them. Later it
becomes the source of the evaluative regulation of actions and mental activity in
addition to the controls of the ego.

“These children impress us with their diffusely impulsive unpatterned behaviour. At all
levels the behaviour is unorganized and remains unorganized. It is exceedingly difficult to
find any educational or psycho-therapeutic method whereby it can be modified into
organized or patterned behaviour. The child is driven by inner impulses that demand
immediate satisfaction; these impulses or needs show the usual changes with physical
and chronological growth of the child, but even this does not add much pattern to the
behaviour. Motivation, discipline, punishment and insight therapy have little effect.

The behaviour remains always infantile. It is true that there are some differences as to
the level of the infantile fixation, but it is always pre-oedipal and pre-super-ego. It is
as though a new-born infant had urgent needs that must be satisfied. Screaming, kicking
or temper tantrums or disturbed behaviour of which the larger child is capable continue
when frustration occurs, as it must a good deal of the time. All kinds of oral activity,
clinging, wetting, soiling, senseless motor activity, genital manipulation may be observed.
These are not neurotic traits and do not indicate regression but retardation in personality
development. Psychopathic behaviour-disordered children are often attention-seeking,
clinging, passively dependent, seductive and amiable. This may be mistaken for an
attachment or interpersonal relationship. Actually, there is no warmth, and the
relationship can stand no separation or disappointments or demands; it shifts to the
nearest new object as soon as the recipient is out of sight.” 9

These are children who have not learned dependency behaviour. There is perhaps more
concern over those children who have built up a set of expectations with regard to how
their dependency needs are to be met and then suddenly and radically have to change
them. Stendler10 has proposed that over-dependent children who become so as a result
of disturbance during the first critical period will differ from over-dependent children
who become so as a result of a disturbance during the second critical period. The first
group of children is more likely to be affected with regard to ego-aspects of personality
whereas the second group is more likely to be affected with regard to super-ego-aspects
of personality.

To make clear the reasoning behind this distinction we need to understand the different
nature of the frustration involved during the two critical periods. In discussing the
process of identification, Mowrer 11 differentiates between two types of frustration. He
says:

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 “It is true that in both developmental and defensive identification the subject is
‘frustrated’, but the different nature of the frustration in the two instances is noteworthy.
In the one case it arises from a sense of helplessness and loneliness: the parent or parent-
person is absent, and the infant wishes she were present. In the other case, the
frustration arises from interference and punishment: the parent or parent-person is
present, and the infant wishes she were absent. But the latter wish brings the average
child into intolerable conflict: while he hates the parent for his disciplinary actions, he also
loves the parent and experiences acute anxiety at the prospect of his really being
separated, physically or emotionally, from her (or him).”

Developmental identification is believed by Stendler to be a milder and simpler

experience than is defensive identification, which has a violent, crisis-like nature. The
one is powered mainly by biologically given drives (fear of loss of love, in the analytic
sense) and the other by socially inflicted discomforts (castration fear or, less
dramatically, simply fear of punishment). The first presumably involves relatively little
conflict; but in the latter case, conflict and attendant anxiety are outstanding. (Idem,
1963)

The first type of frustration is seen as occurring during the first critical period and, as a
result, affecting the developmental or ego-aspects of identification. The second type of
frustration occurs during the second critical period and as a result affects the defensive
or super-ego aspects of identification.

EGO AND ID are differentiated through the influence of the external world, to whose
demands they adapt. This adaptation has to reconcile the forces if the id and the
super-ego in such a way as to maximise the pleasure and minimise the pain.

The id consists of everything psychological that is inherited and that is present at birth,
including instincts (vide).It has been referred to as the reservoir of instinctual impulses.
It is the power base for the operation of the other two systems. It cannot tolerate
increases of energy that are experienced as uncomfortable states of tension.

The ego evolves because of the needs of the subject to reach out to the world of reality.
Again a state of tension will exist in this system if an object of need is out of reach or
undiscovered. The tension is relieved by the formulation of a plan, tested by some kind
of action to see if it will work, and then successfully completed. The ego is said to be
the executive of the personality because it controls the gateways to action.

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1
Stendler, C. B. Critical Periods in Socialisation. In Kuhlen, R. G.; & Thompson, G. G. [Eds.]
Psychological Studies of Human Development. New York, USA, Appleton-Century-Crofts; 1963.
2
McGraw, M. B. Maturation of behaviour. In L. Carmichael (Ed.), Manual of Child Psychology. [pp.,
1068]; New York, USA, Wiley, 1946.
3
Beller, E. K. Dependence and independence in young children. Unpublished Ph.D., dissertation,
State University of Iowa, 1948.
4
Dollard, J.; Doob; L. W.; Miller; N. E.; Mowrer; O.H.; & Sears, R. R. Frustration and
Aggression. [pp., 64-65]; New Haven, USA, Yale University Press; 1939.
5
Sears, R. R. Ordinal position in the family as a psychological variable. American Sociological
Review, 15, [pp., 397-401]; 1950.
6
Gesell, A., & Ilg, F. L. Infant and Child in the Culture of Today. New York, USA, Harper and Row,
1943.
7
Bowlby, J. Maternal Care and Mental Health. London: Jason Aronson, 1950.
8
Erikson, E. H. Childhood and Society. New York: Norton, 1950; London: Imago, 1951.
Revised edn., New York: Norton, 1963: London: Hogarth, 1965; Harmondsworth: Penguin Books,
1965.
9
Bender, L. Anxiety in disturbed children. In Hoch, P. H. & Zubin, J. [Eds.] Anxiety. New York, USA,
Grune and Stratton, 1950.
10
Stendler C. B. Critical Periods in Socialization and Over-dependency. Child Development. 23; [pp.,
3-12]; 1952.
11
Mowrer, O. H. Learning Theory and Personality Dynamics. New York, USA, Ronald Press,
1950.

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For Want of a Better Good
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