toddlers

Living with Toddlers

All about toddlers

Keeping toddlers safe

Taming toddler tantrums Feeding toddlers Games

Sleepy time
Toilet training Learning to talk
Living with toddlers

www.community.nsw.gov.au 1

toddlers

R v

Contents

3 4 5 8 10 11 12 14 16 18 19 20 22 23

All about toddlers Changes and fears Keeping toddlers safe Taming toddler tantrums Teaching your child about good behaviour Help! My child bites . . . Feeding toddlers Sleepy-time Toilet training time Games Learning to talk Child care A new baby in the family Looking after yourself Useful contact numbers

R v
q

k a
y D

k a

This magazine has been produced by the Media and Communication Branch of the NSW Department of Community Services.

Acknowledgements
The information in this magazine has been adapted from material provided under an agreement with Parenting SA. Illustrations page 8-9 by Peter Sheehan. Models are used throughout the magazine unless otherwise stated.

In this magazine he and she is used in turn. Please change to suit your childs sex if you prefer.

DoCS March 2009 ISBN: 1 74190 074 3 NSW Department of Community Services

y D
2

www.community.nsw.gov.au

To report a child at risk of harm, ring the DoCS 24 hour Helpline 132 111

All rights reserved. Except as provided in the Copyright Act 1968 (Commonwealth), no use of this work which is within the exclusive right of the copyright owner may be made. No part of this work may be reproduced, translated, modified, reduced, transmitted or stored in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system without prior written permission of the NSW Department of Community Services (DoCS). Requests and enquiries concerning reproduction and rights are welcome and should be addressed to Media and Communication, NSW Department of Community Services, Locked Bag 4028, Ashfield NSW 2131. While every care has been taken in the preparation of Living with toddlers and the information it contains is believed to be accurate, DoCS suggests that professional advice be sought where necessary. DoCS cannot be liable for any error, omission or for damages arising from the supply, performance or use of this material and makes no warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied in relation to it.

Living with toddlers

all about toddlers

All about
This is a time of many changes for toddlers as they grow to become separate, independent people. As a parent, you may be unsure about how to handle these changes. In many ways, toddlers are still babies and they need your love and support. They can move from being independent and I do myself to being very needy and dependent again, all within a short space of time. They want to feel safe and free. Knowing what is happening for your toddler will help you to be more patient and understanding. Sometimes when toddlers are on the way to learning self control, children will say No! No! No! to themselves while they do something that they shouldnt. They are not meaning to disobey you. They are on the way to learning what they mustnt do, but havent quite got there yet. Toddlers are:

toddlers
Life can be very exciting for your toddler as they grow rapidly between the ages of one and three! R starting to learn how to show love,
how not to hurt others, how to share and take turns. Toddlers are not able to:

R get angry and rebel sometimes R not want to share and to say Thats
mine

R want to make some choices for

themselves

R understand reason or understand

why we want them to do one thing and not another

R find it hard to cope with changes R want to be like their parents, eg try
on lipsticks and use parents tools

R sit still, wait, share or control their

angry feelings; they will learn all these things, but they cannot do them well yet

R want to feel very secure and safe but

at the same time be free

R stop themselves from doing the

wrong thing; they still need adults to remind them and to keep them safe. It is normal for toddlers to:

R get upset and fall in a heap

sometimes. Encourage your toddler, give them time to explore and allow them to make simple choices. They like to test out their independence and will come back to you for comfort. They need your patience and understanding!

R want to say No and show they have

a mind of their own

Talkand listento your toddler

The way you listen to your toddler is as important as what you say. Talk to your toddler with respect and care and they will learn to talk to you in the same way. Give your child time to say something without interrupting or thinking about how youll respond. Look at your childs face when hes talking it shows youre interested. Your toddlers behaviour may say more than his words - pick up on the cues. Share activities like putting toys away its a good way to talk together. Take time to find out what things are special in your childs life today.

R active and curious - they want to

explore, touch, open, shut, throw and empty

R learning who they are and trying out

their wills they like to say No!

R learning to walk, talk, feed

themselves, toilet train

R learning about living with others

Living with toddlers

RRRRR

coping with changes

can be stressful for toddler!

The arrival of a new baby, being sick, moving house, sleeping in a new bed or being separated from Mum and Dad are all things that can stress toddlers. They also can get upset if Mum and Dad are fighting or crying. A toddler does not have the words to say how he is feeling so he may show this stress through his behaviour.
Your toddler will need you to help them learn to be independent and feel good about themselves. At the same time you dont want them to be unsafe or have a home life that is full of battles. Toddlers do not need to be forced to be good. They need your approval, love and affection more than anything else - then they will be ready to accept limits. v Make up fun games where your child can practise saying No eg Does Daddy sleep in the bath? Does the cat say moo? v Dont give your child a choice if there isnt one. For example, if you have to pick up an older child from school, dont ask your toddler if she wants to come, say Were going to the school in the car now. v If there is something she does not want to do, try to make a game of it. You could say See if you can hop like a kangaroo to the bath, or make having a bath more attractive. v Distract instead of ordering. For example Lets get out the building blocks, rather than Stop doing that. v If your child refuses to come with you and there is no time to use any

ChAnges

Helping your toddler cope with change

v Give your toddler extra attention and allow him to be a baby for a while. v Be positive. For example instead of saying Dont slam the door, say I know that you can shut the door quietly, lets see you do it. Then praise them for learning a new skill.

of the above methods, pick her up and carry her. Dont threaten to leave her as this is very frightening for young children.

help with fears

Let your child know that you understand he has fears, and you dont think hes silly or babyish. It is never useful to force children to face their fears and can often make things worse. Remember that the world can seem very fearful to children of this age, because there are lots of things they dont understand yet. Things to try for some fears Fears about going down the hole. Let your child bathe in a baby bath for a while, and dont pull out the plug while he is still in the bath. Let him use a potty instead of the toilet or let him flush the toilet himself with your supervision. Fears about nightmares. If he has a nightmare tell him that It is only a dream, it goes away, and youre safe. Cuddle and comfort him until he settles. Fears of monsters. Tell him that there are no monsters. Dont look for monsters in the room, because he may think that you believe there are some there to look for. Fears of separation. Stay with him until he feels more secure. Let your child have his comforter or dummy when he needs it, to help him feel safer. Some children will need their dummy or comforter until they are three or four years old. Fears of the dark. Stay with your child to reassure him. Perhaps use a night light. Let him sleep in the same room as a brother, sister or parent. Keep to bedtime routines, eg the same number of kisses goodnight or the same story.

Living with toddlers

keeping toddlers safe

Keeping toddlers safe

Toddlers need to have a safe environment. They are too young to know how to behave safely. Telling them and teaching them about danger does not keep them safe. Keeping your toddler safe is your responsibility.
Keep a first aid kit in the house and car and keep emergency phone numbers in easy reach and where everyone can find them. Doing a first aid course for children is really useful.

Falls
Falls are the major cause of toddler injury. You can help by padding sharp corners of furniture, using barrier gates or locking doors to stop your child going into dangerous places. Avoid using bunk beds with toddlers. Make sure you use straps on the high chair and pram/stroller and dont leave young children alone on change tables, high chairs, or playground equipment. Teach your toddler how to climb down as well as climb up.

Toys and play

Check toys and play equipment regularly for sharp edges, splinters and loose parts and make sure that the surface under climbing frames and swings is soft. Toys for young children should not have small, loose parts that can be broken off and swallowed. Baby walkers often cause injuries and should not be used.

D
explore and run every day. your toddler cant get to them. power points.

Check on your toddler dont leave him alone in the car.

Making your home toddler-proof!

D Give your toddler interesting things to play with around the home, e.g. a
pile of cushions to climb over, a cardboard box tunnel to crawl through, a cubby house under the table.

D Make sure that there is a safe place and space for your child to D Make sure that you lock away any medications or drugs so that D Put childproof locks on kitchen cupboards and covers over D If you have a swimming pool make sure that you have an
approved fence around it with a childproof lock.

D Make sure that any garden gates or fences are secure, so your
toddler is not able to run out onto the driveway or street.

D If children have to go somewhere in the car or wait in a waiting

room, take some toys or books to keep them busy.

Living with toddlers

keeping toddlers safe

Poisoning
Toddlers explore everywhere they can reach and still put things into their mouths. They dont understand poison signs. l Keep kitchen and laundry detergents out of reach, best in a locked cupboard. Dishwasher powder is particularly dangerous. l Use a child-proof medicine cupboard for all medicines (including oral contraceptives). l Check that visitors dont leave bags with tablets in them in your childs reach. l Lock garden products away. l Keep poisons in their original, labelled containers. l Never put poisons into food or drink containers.

D Put locks on shed doors and keep

shut.

D Write the Poisons Information number 131126 and the number for an ambulance 000 next to
your telephone.

Choking and suffocating

l l l l

Burns and scalds

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

Keep hot things well away from the edge of tables. Turn saucepan handles away from the edge of the stove. Use a stove guard. Use placemats instead of tablecloths. Have short or curly electric cords that dont hang over the side of benches. Be careful of hot irons and cords dangling when ironing. Remember that many toddlers can light matches and lighters, and unscrew the globes on Christmas tree lights. To help prevent scalding from hot water, make sure that the hot water for your bath, shower and basin comes out at 50 degrees Centigrade or less. You can attach a safety shut-off device directly to the tap, or your plumber can install a device which automatically mixes cold water with the hot, to limit the temperature. The water heater itself should maintain stored water at 60 degrees Centigrade minimum. Run cold water into the bath first. If a child has a burn or scald, put the burnt area under running cold water for at least 20 minutes. Use fireguards for open fires, pot belly stoves and radiators. Keep a fire extinguisher or fire blanket in the kitchen.

Check that there are no small objects or coins left lying around. Dont give your child hard pieces of food such as raw carrot to chew. Toddlers should sit down when eating. Stay with your child when he is eating. Never give toddlers nuts. Dont force your child to eat anything he does not want. Tie empty plastic bags with a knot in the middle so that they cannot be put over your childs head. Cords or ribbons on toys, dummies and clothing should be short and out of reach so they cant choke your child.

Drowning
Most children who drown are under four years old. Drowning happens very quickly and quietly. Young children can drown in only a few centimetres of water. Teaching your toddler to swim will not prevent drowning. D Stay with your child whenever he is near or in water, such as the bath, paddle pools, buckets or at the beach, creeks, rivers, swimming pools and dams. D Keep a lid on nappy buckets and keep them out of reach. D Water can collect in all sorts of things after rain. Empty them!

D Make sure that the paddle pool is

emptied after every use.

D All other pools should be fenced,

with a self-locking gate.

Living with toddlers

keeping toddlers safe

Cords on curtains and blinds need to be short or out of reach. Some old or antique cots and high chairs are not safe for young children. Keep older childrens toys (anything with small pieces) away from toddlers.

Shopping
l

Never leave babies and young children alone in the car while you shop. Take care when using supermarket shopping carts, as they can tip up, even if you are using the safety seat, especially if a toddler pulls on them.

Car safety
Babies, toddlers and children must be kept safe in cars with properly fitted and approved child restraints or child safety seats. Always stop the car when you need to turn around to attend to your child in the back seat. It is so easy to get distracted and have an accident. Never leave babies and children alone in the car. They can become seriously ill when temperatures in cars change quickly in summer and winter. Children also get bored and explore the cars knobs and buttons which can be dangerous or they may try to struggle free from their seatbelts and become injured. They may also be in danger of someone trying to steal the car.

Traffic safety
Teach your toddler to be safe in traffic by making sure you hold their hand when they are near roads and always cross at a pedestrian crossing. Teach your toddler about safe ways to cross roads. Remember that while they may begin to remember rules, they are unable to understand them, no matter how many times they are told. Make sure fences and gates at home are toddler-proof so they are unable to run out onto the road.

Electrocution
l

Sun
D Whenever possible keep children
in the shade. Teach them to play in the shade. D Make sure their favourite play areas are shaded. D Children can get sunburnt even on cold, cloudy summer days. D Sunlight through the glass of car windows can burn the skin.

D In the sun use a hat and clothing

that covers arms and legs, such as cover-up bathers. D Sunscreen can be used in small amounts on young children on areas that are not covered by clothing. Some sunscreens irritate the eyes and sensitive skin. It needs to be re-applied often. Zinc cream is an effective sun block.

l l

Use an earth leakage circuit breaker in your fuse box or switchboard. It will switch the power off if there is an electrical fault and so prevent injury. It needs to be installed by an electrician. Buy covers for powerpoints to stop toddlers poking things into them. Dont use electric blankets for young children especially if there is a chance of bedwetting. Be careful of electrical appliances near water - it is easy to get electrocuted. Put all electrical appliances away after use and use only wall-mounted heaters in bathrooms and install them up high.

Passive smoking
Avoid smoking in the house, in the car and around children, because when you smoke, children smoke too. Chemicals in cigarettes and tobacco smoke can affect childrens health. Children are more likely to smoke if they see you smoking.

Living with toddlers

taming toddler tantrums

Taming Toddler

TanTrums

Toddler tantrums can test any parents patience! If your toddler is having tantrums, youre not alone - nearly all toddlers have tantrums at some time. Tantrums happen when toddlers get upset, angry, frustrated and stressed often because there are so many things that they want to do but cant yet. Sometimes toddlers have a tantrum when they feel jealous, scared, unwanted, insecure or unloved.

Its never helpful to punish or hit a child to try to stop a tantrum.

Little tantrums only last a short time and your childs feelings are not totally out of control. Your toddler is still too little to be able to cope with stress and frustration very well. He does not always have the words to say what he needs or wants. It can feel like his world is full of bigger people telling him what to do and what not to do. Sometimes toddlers learn that busy parents are likely to give in to what they want if they carry on long enough, so they whinge and whine and have little tantrums. If you give in easily, your toddler learns that tantrums work, for example, she gets something if she pesters long enough. If little tantrums happen often and seem to be about something small, its usually because the something small

has come on top of a lot of other stresses or frustration in your childs life, so it becomes the thing that tips him into a tantrum. Have a think about whether your child: q is frustrated from not being able to have or do something q needs attention q is tired, hungry or unwell q is stressed about starting childcare or a new baby in the house q has seen you and your partner fighting or upset. Remember your moods and behaviours affect your child.

q Try to distract your child by giving him something else to do. Let him help you cook dinner, choose a snack that you approve of or do something fun. Warm baths sometime help calm toddlers who are having little tantrums. q Sometimes you can just ignore little tantrums. Sometimes being busy and doing something will help tantrums blow over.

Mean what you say!

q Dont give in to your child who has a tantrum because he wants something. If the tantrum is small you might try saying No and giving a reason once. For example No, you cant have a biscuit because it is almost dinner time.

Big tantrums
Big tantrums are the boil over kind where children can no longer control their feelings. This kind of tantrum is very frightening for children, as well as for many parents.

q
Living with toddlers

Try to prevent little tantrums becoming big tantrums by spending lots of relaxed time with your child, giving him plenty of room to move and explore and praising all the good things about him.

When your child has this kind of tantrum she cant listen to reason. Punishments such as consequences or time-out dont work. Ignoring this kind of tantrum can be frightening for your child, because when she is out of control she needs to learn that feelings can be controlled. She needs to know that you are in control.

taming toddler tantrums

Shopping centre tantrums

Tantrums in public are hard to cope with. Most parents feel embarrassed or worry about others watching how they handle the situation. If they happen often, consider leaving your children with someone else when you go on long shopping trips.

When your child copes well tell her you are pleased that she behaved so well reward good behaviour!
Plan to avoid tantrums if possible

Coping on one of those days

Some days are worse than others. If you can see at the beginning of the day that it is going to be one of those days take some time to do something relaxing with your child straight away. Leave whatever you thought you had to do and see if you can make the day a better one. Some relaxing, fun things to do with your toddler include: q a walk in the park, or around the block q sitting with your child to watch a video q play music or dance, read a story or do some drawing or playdoh.

If you do take them to the shops make sure they are not tired when you go. Take a snack for them to eat, make sure they have been to the toilet and try not to be too long. Let them help by getting things from the supermarket shelf for you. Chatting to other adults can result in young children getting bored, irritable and restless. Make the shopping trip a treat for everyone by having a drink or a little time in the park afterwards. If a tantrum does happen you need to be strong enough to leave the shopping basket where it is and take your child somewhere quiet until the tantrum is over.

Here are some handy tips: q make sure there are lots of good things in your childs day q go on outings after sleeps and meals not when your child is hungry or tired q distract her Look what I have got here q keep a diary for a few days when the tantrums happen, note what time of day, and what you and your child are doing when it happens. If having a tantrum yourself doesnt it always happens around help! Your child will copy you and tea time, try letting your learn from the way you handle child have her tea earlier, giving her a bath before tea, their tantrums. letting her help you prepare the meal, or having some special time with her at this time of day.

remember

qqq

What parents can do when tantrums happen!

The most important thing is to stay calm and let your child know that you are in control, that you can keep him safe and you will not punish or leave him. It is important for him to learn to manage his own feelings. q Dont try to reason with your child at this time, he wont be able to hear you. q Stay with your child during the tantrum. Hold him if you can, if not, stay nearby where he can come to you when the worst of the storm is over. q Talk to your child gently but firmly about how he feels and what is happening to him. You could say You are feeling really upset and I will stay with you until you feel better. Its alright to cry when you feel upset, but I wont let you hit/kick etc. You might have to hold your child to prevent this. q It is important not to give in to whatever your child was wanting which started the tantrum even though this may be difficult to do! q When the tantrum is over, suggest something for him to do that you are happy with, giving both of you time to wind down. q When you manage the tantrum you teach your child that angry feelings dont have to take over, and they can be managed and expressed in helpful ways. You are also teaching that however bad things are, you will not let him down. q Do not threaten threatening to leave will make him feel even more frustrated. q If you are unable to stay near because your own feelings are in danger of getting out of control and it is unsafe, tell your child that you will be leaving for a short time but will be back soon to look after him. Make sure he is safe and get someone else to stay with him.

Living with toddlers

good behaviour

good behaviour
Toddlers need discipline, limits and guidance. They need to feel safe and secure while learning to get along with others and to live in society. The best discipline leads to children learning self-discipline.
Discipline is not physical punishment! Discipline is about teaching your child what to do, and setting clear limits about what not to do that your child can understand. Discipline should be positive and used to encourage good behaviour, and to stop bad behaviour. Here are some positive things to do: a praise your toddler when they do something well e.g when they eat their dinner, put their toys away, play well with their brothers and sisters

Teaching your toddler about

a teach what you want (say it clearly

and show a young child) a distract or offer alternatives if your child is doing something you dont like instead of saying Dont a give your child a choice of something similar he can do, e.g. You can play your drum outside or play a quiet game in here

a use consequences helping your

child to learn from what she has done e.g. when she makes a mess, get her to help you clean it up a ignore things that dont matter. They are more likely to stop if no one notices a think about what you are about to say - how would you feel if an adult spoke to you in this way.

MAKInG THE rULES

When telling your child what you want him to do, make sure you: l have only a few rules because too many rules can be confusing and lead to failure l are clear. Saying No to your toddler without explanation of why its wrong means little to him and he is likely to do it again. If you give too much information at once he wont remember and if you dont give enough he wont know what to do
l

both understand what you mean. Be polite may not mean anything to a very young child choose your time well. Trying to teach your son while he is watching his favourite television program is not likely to be successful know what your child is able to do. If the task is too hard your child may fail and you may feel disappointed or angry dont give your toddler a choice if there isnt one

dont give mixed messages to your child. The way you look can give a different message from what you say. Laughing at your sons mischievous behaviour while you say No may leave him wondering if you approve or not are prepared to back up what you say with action. If you do not follow through with what you said would happen if he disobeyed, your child is likely to disobey next time.

10

Living with toddlers

good behaviour

Time in
Time in means to remove your child from the situation that she cannot manage to spend time with an adult. Keep her with you while you help to settle her, or just hold her until she is able to get calm again. By being with her through this you are teaching her about managing feelings and difficult situations. Time in can be a more positive and effective way of teaching than time out.

Some discipline

is noT ok

Time out
It is never helpful to use time out for children under the age of three years. It is often more helpful to remove your child from a difficult situation and keep her with you for a while. It is especially important for an adult to stay near if your childs feelings are very strong. If you are getting too stressed and are likely to harm your child, may sure they are safe with someone else and then take some time out yourself. For more support see page 23.

Hitting, punching or striking a child is never acceptable. In NSW it is against the law to use excessive physical punishment against a child. This law applies to parents and to people acting in the place of a parent. The law says that it is unacceptable to use physical force on: l any part of your childs head or neck (unless it is insignificant) l any other part of your childs body if the harm it causes lasts for more than a short time.

There are more effective ways of disciplining children than using physical punishment. If you use physical punishment with your toddler chances are they will copy you and bully others.

Help! My child bites

If your toddler is going through a biting stage dont despair! Biting is fairly common among young children. Biting is often very painful and frightening for the child (or adult) who is bitten. It can also be frightening for the child who bites, because it upsets the other child and makes adults angry. Children bite for different reasons to see what its like or because they feel frustrated, stressed or powerless. Biting is one way that babies explore the world. They put everything into their mouths its common for babies to bite your breast when they are feeding.

What parents can do

a Get in first and try to avoid situations that your child cant cope with keep play groups small, make sure your child doesnt a a a a a
get tired and stressed by playing for too long. Try and protect your child so that she doesnt need to bite. If she is playing with older children, explain to them how your child feels and ask them to share toys and games. Constantly supervise small children and make separate play places for older and younger children if necessary. Step in when two children may be fighting over the same toy. If your child has already bitten, quickly tell her that she is not to bite and remove her from the situation and keep her with you for a while before letting her return.

remember to always comfort your child - whatever the reason for the bite. Whatever you do, dont bite back or respond by physically punishing your child - it only teaches them to be violent towards others. Living with toddlers

11

feeding fussy toddlers

feeding toddlers
Feeding toddlers can sometimes be a problem for parents! Toddlers like to choose when and what they eat. As they grow, their appetite sometimes decreases and at the same time they are learning to try different foods, which they might not like. Toddlers can be worried by too many changes and like to keep to the few things they know well.

Toddlers like to show they are starting to learn to think for themselves and often do this by saying No to some foods! help your toddler learn about food and eating You can encourage your child to eat well by being a good role model yourself eat healthy, regular meals and the chances are your toddler will want to join you. Children have small stomachs - about the size of their fist, and large serves can be off-putting. Try some of these tips to make eating more of a pleasure and less of a battlefield!

k Make eating fun by having different

sorts of food and colours (e.g. different coloured vegetables). k Keep offering the food on several occasions. It can take 8 to 15 tries before the food becomes familiar and a child accepts it. k Provide a range of nutritious food and give children a choice give them small serves and let them ask for more.

k Allow children to help prepare the

12

kkk

meal, it takes longer but encourages them to be interested in food (and good cooks in the future). k Avoid biscuits, soft drinks, sweets, cordials and too much fruit juice as these are high in sugar and take away the appetite for other foods. k Give your toddler the main part of her evening meal early so she is not too tired to eat.

Living with toddlers

feeding fussy toddlers

What to feed toddlers Toddlers will eat different amounts on different days depending on their days activity, if they are tired or unwell. Heres a rough guide to the amounts and types to offer, but dont worry if your child doesnt actually eat all of these every day: vegetables - two to four serves fruit - one to two serves dairy foods (milk, cheese, yoghurt) three serves meat, eggs, fish, lentils etc one to two small serves breads, cereals, rice and pasta three to five serves. Young children need some fat in their diet for growth and energy. For children over 12 months, cows milk is an excellent source of nutrition. Reduced fat milk is not recommended for children under two years and skim milk is not recommended for children under five years. snacks Active young children dont like to sit still for long and may be better with several small meals rather than three larger ones. Healthy snacks are a great idea. Here are some suggestions for snacks or lunches: k pieces of fresh fruit and vegetables (be careful of hard bits of food that could break off and cause choking) - grate or cook raw carrot, apple etc k cheese cubes or sticks k dry biscuits (unsalted), bread or toast with creamed or cottage

Toddlers can get messy when they are learning to feed themselves! Put newspaper on the floor and a big feeder or bib on your toddler. The more practice they get in doing it for themselves, the quicker they will learn to feed themselves well.

k k k k

cheese or a little Vegemite iceblocks made from freezing fruit or pure fruit juices (whole bananas freeze well) hard boiled eggs yoghurt home made biscuits do not give whole nuts to toddlers.

k Limit full cream milk to about 600

mls a day so there is room for other foods.

Vegetarian diets
If your family does not eat meat your child can get good nutrition from other foods such as milk, cheese, eggs, fruit and vegetables. Dried beans and peas, seeds and nuts give vegetable protein (grind nuts into a paste for children under five years). If you are a vegan and dont eat any animal foods (milk, cheese, eggs etc) you will need medical advice to ensure your child has all the vitamins they need.

Drinks

k Water is the best drink to quench

thirst. Always have plenty of water available and show your toddler that you enjoy drinking it too. k Avoid fruit juice drinks because they contain a lot of sugar. If fruit juice is given it should be diluted with water in small amounts.

Children know how much food they need. If you push them to eat more than they want or feel they need to finish everything on the plate, they may learn not to stop when they are full. This can lead to weight problems later.

k
13

Living with toddlers

sleep

Sleepy-time
Try these rituals to make bedtime easier: a relaxed bath a drink read them a story have a cuddle, kiss and tell them goodnight .

helping your toddler (and you!) get a good nights sleep

Some children can relax more easily with a night light, soft music or a story tape playing. other times they need help to go back to sleep. Try to settle him in his bed when he first goes to sleep (not in your bed or in front of the TV). During the night when he wakes, go to him and quietly reassure him that everything is all right. Say something like 'sleep time now', then walk out of the room as long as he is not crying. If your child comes into your room when he wakes, lead him back to his bed and resettle him there. Have a small mattress near your bed settle your toddler in their own bed first and tell them they can come into your room if they wake up or put a spare bed in your child's room, so that you can be comfortable and can rest while he needs you close.

Battles at bed time are all too common if theres a toddler in your house! Children often do not want to go to sleep. going to sleep means missing out on things. Many children are still afraid of the separation at night, especially those under three.

v Many toddlers like to take a special

toy to bed or have their dummy.

v Some also need the door open

so they know that you are near. If your child is anxious, let her know that you will pop in during the night to check how she is.

Remember - the half hour before bed is not a good time for tickles, wrestles, quarrels, TV or other excitement. It helps to have a 'wind down' time and dim the lights to help prepare for sleep. Let children know in advance that bedtime is coming, eg. just one more game and then it's time to get ready for bed - and mean what you say. This can prevent the pestering for more time to stay up. Explain to children that everything they want has to be done before bed. Calls for drinks, trips to the toilet, etc.

v At times when children are sick,

lonely, sad or frightened they may need help to go back to sleep.

v Changes in your child's life, such as

moving house, separations, family tensions or starting preschool, can be a factor.

night waking
Night waking is common. Some children can resettle themselves. At

14

Living with toddlers

sleep

going to bed problems

Sometimes parents find it hard to get young children to go to bed, or their waking early causes problems. Some of the reasons a child may not want to go to bed can be: having to go off on his own and leaving people or interesting things that are happening in the house behind being frightened of being left alone (no matter what time you put your child to bed if he is afraid or worried he will still be unhappy) not being tired yet or going to bed too early a very busy or exciting day, or too much excitement just before bed (quiet wind-down time helps) being affected by daylight saving (just like some adults) lack of a night-time routine to help him wind down.

Settling older toddlers

Try leaving a soft light on, giving a cuddly toy, giving him something of yours to cuddle, eg. an old T-shirt that has your smell on it. Many still like their dummy at bedtime. Some children need you to stay near while they go to sleep. If you decide to do this, dont sneak out without telling your child. This may keep him tense and on edge in case you do it again. You can whisper that you are going to another room and will be back soon. Make sure you do return soon. If your child copes with this you can start taking a bit longer before coming back, but make sure you always return before he gets upset as this builds trust. Even if he has fallen asleep give him a goodnight kiss and whisper I came back. Children usually grow out of night waking by the time they are three or four (when they feel more secure being by themselves).

Sleepwalking
Sleepwalking mostly happens when children are between three and seven years old. As they grow older they sleepwalk less, (but a few adults still do it). Children have no control over what they do when they are sleepwalking and may hurt themselves. Sleepwalking can involve sitting upright in bed, crawling and moving around the cot or bed. Sleepwalking tends to run in the families. It doesnt mean that your child has emotional or psychological problems (unless there is some other stress in your childs life). Some children sleepwalk more if they are unwell and have a fever, or get overtired. Some medicines also seem to have an effect. Sometimes children sleepwalk if they have a full bladder. There is no special treatment to stop sleepwalking, the important thing is to make sure your child is safe. Lock doors and windows, put barriers across stairs, and place heaters, electric cords and any other dangerous objects out of the way.

v v v v v

v v v v
Look after yourself
Broken sleep makes everyone exhausted and irritable. Make sure you ask for help from family and friends and try and get some rest during the day. Some people may suggest that you let your baby/ toddler cry it out or that you use controlled crying/comforting. Your baby/toddler needs you to respond when he cries, to help him feel safe. Karitane and Tresillian offer support to families who continue to struggle with getting babies or toddlers to sleep. There are a wide range of normal sleep patterns between 3 and 5 years. Many children of this age need about 10 to 12 hours of sleep a night. Young children may need a daytime nap as well, but by kindergarten age only a few children still need a sleep during the day. Bedtime can vary a lot. Some may go to bed by 6.30pm, while many go to bed later, up to 9.30pm. Wake up time may be early or late. Often children who wake up late also go to bed late. Children under 3-4 years may still feel insecure when they are separated from their parents, especially at night.
Living with toddlers

15

toilet training

Toilet training time!

Learning to use the toilet is a big new step for toddlers and it can take them a while to get the hang of what to do. some children seem to train themselves when they are ready, but many will need some help from their parents.

qqqq
Later watch for signs that she is about to wee or poo and tell her as you guide her to the potty or toilet. You might say something like Lets see if theres a wee coming. Eventually she will be able to know and get there herself. If your child tells you before she does a wee or poo, thank her for telling you and take her to the toilet or potty. If she doesnt get there in time at first, give her praise for whatever she has managed, e.g. pulling down her pants, trying to get to the toilet, or sitting on the toilet.

When will my child be ready?

Most children are not ready to learn to control their bowels and bladder until they are two years old and some not until they are three. Often boys are ready later than girls. To be ready to use the toilet or potty, your child first needs to be able to tell when his bowels or bladder are full and needs to be able to hold on to his wee (urine) for an hour or so, e.g. to be waking up dry from his daytime nap. Signs your child is ready are: they tell you they are doing a poo or wee pulling at wet and dirty nappies telling you that his nappy is wet telling you that he doesnt want to wear nappies anymore. Be prepared to wait until your child is ready. Most toilet training problems can be avoided if you dont start too early. Dont try and set a date by which you want your child to be toilet trained, e.g. before the new baby arrives.

Getting ready for toilet training

l Teach your child the words such as wet, dry, wee, poo, its coming. l Choose either a potty, or a special toilet seat with a footstool or a step. A step is necessary if you choose to use a toilet, so your child can get up to the toilet and feel safe and relaxed there. A potty can be moved around the house but you may need to take it out with you if your child is not used to using a toilet. l Some toddlers are afraid of being flushed down the toilet because they dont yet understand that they

cannot fit down such a small hole. For these children a potty is better or let them learn to flush the toilet with you or by themselves. You may need to flush it when they are safely out of the way. Make sure that the toilet area is safe. Keep household cleaners, deodorants and toiletries out of reach. If you feel comfortable about it, let your child go with you to the toilet and talk about what you are doing. Make sure your child is wearing clothing that is easy to get on and off, and easy to wash, such as trainer pants. In warm weather toilet training is often easier because there are less clothes to remove quickly when wee is coming. You might like to let your child go without pants or nappies for some of the time. Be aware of your childs signals so you can be ready to guide her to the potty or toilet in time.

Starting toilet training

Some toddlers can be introduced to toilet training by getting comfortable with the potty first, e.g. leaving the potty in easy sight or letting teddy sit on the potty to do a wee. You might start by noticing when your child is doing a poo in her nappy and tell her, I think youre doing a poo.

16

Living with toddlers

toilet training

Make sure she sees the praise is for learning a new skill, not something she has to do to please you. Children should not be made to sit on a potty or toilet for long periods of time. This feels like punishment to the child and does not help toilet training.

remember:
l teach girls to wipe themselves from the front towards the back to avoid the chance of getting any poo into the vagina l teach boys to shake their penis after a wee to get rid of any drops. For little boys who are not circumcised, they need to be especially careful as the foreskin can trap some wee l most toddlers dont have the skills to wipe their bottom properly, so you will need to do this for them l teach boys and girls to wash their hands after using the toilet or potty l your toddler is not able to hold on to a wee that is ready to come out l it is common for toddlers to relax and let go as soon as they stand to walk away from the potty l control over poo may happen long before control over wee - sometimes it happens many months later.

q q q q
rEMInDErS top tips for fuss-free toilet training!
Start toilet training when your child shows he is ready - dont try to set a date by which you want your child trained - it puts pressure on both of you. Give praise for small steps - dont wait for the success of being completely toilet trained. Go at your childs pace, dont expect too much. If there are any setbacks give up for a few weeks and then start again. Dont get into battles over toilet training. It needs to be your childs achievement that he can be proud of. Punishment has no place in toilet training.

Toilet training troubles happen for lots of reasons

l Starting too soon. l Pressure from relatives or friends. l Parents setting a date to have their child trained or feeling they must get their child trained. l Battles over toilet training. l Punishing a child for not getting it right doesnt work. Better to leave it for a couple of weeks and start again. l Any stress in your childs life, such as a new baby or starting childcare can set her back.

Physical problems
You should see your doctor if there are signs of urinary infections: l weeing very often l pain when doing wee l blood in the wee l wetting frequently during the day after the age of two l the smell of your childs wee changes

l a child of four years or over is still wetting during the day.

Constipation (over 6 months)

Constipation (when it is difficult for your child to poo) can happen when: l your child has pain and tummy ache, says it hurts to poo, or holds on because it hurts l their food doesnt have enough fibre in it l they dont drink enough water l some medicines are being used l they are not active enough. Talk with your doctor, child health nurse, dietician, and never use laxatives or other treatments.

Toilet training takes time accidents happen, so try not to get cross! Bed wetting is normal for toddlers. If your toddler is wetting the bed, comfort them rather than punish or shame them. Put a plastic or waterproof sheet over the mattress and try using toddler pullups.
Living with toddlers

17

games

Games for your toddler

Hanging out with your toddler can be fun here are some easy, in-expensive ways to play with your toddler. Playing is an important part of learning.

Tell them a story

Make up a story, borrow books from the library or buy them from second hand shops and share stories its how your toddler learns about the world.

sing to your toddler, make music with homemade instruments and dance!
Fill a plastic container with rice or stones and make sure the lid is on securely. Your toddler will love making noise with it!

sand play
Toddlers love filling up pla stic containers with sand or earth and mixing them with wa ter. Never leave your toddler alone with water.

go for a walk Cardboard boxes are great toys

them and Tape them together, paint corate them and de they can be cars, houses, and tunnels. they will As your toddler gets older, go for a walk love exploring al parks around your street, visit loc and tell them and playgrounds places. stories about people and

Play dress-ups
Older toddlers will love dressing up in your old clothes and shoes and playing pretend games.

Paint!
Your toddler will love to paint with their fingers, brushes, spo nges and old toothbrushes onto jus t about anything paper, cloth, newspaper, old boxes, paper bags, pla tes and egg cartons.

Teach them new skills

Everyday things like getting dressed, learning how to do up their buttons and shoe laces can be made into a fun game. Get them to help make simple things to eat like Vegemite sandwiches.

Make a collage with them

Help them collect sticks, leaves, paper, straws, wool, shells, old bits of wrapping paper and stick them onto a piece of cardboard.

18

Living with toddlers

talking

Learning to

Talk

Learning to talk is one of the most difficult and important steps that your toddler will take. Talking helps them to make sense of the world, to ask for what they need and to be able to get on with other people. If you think about how difficult it is for adults to learn a different language you can get some idea of what it is like for an infant to learn to talk from having no language at all. Different children learn to talk at different rates.

yyy
y y y y y

Steps in learning to talk

The early months Long before they can speak, babies are listening to their parents and carers. They begin to make little noises and sounds which come before speech. If parents and carers imitate these, it is as if they are talking to the baby. This is the beginning of your baby learning to talk. By responding to your babys needs when she cries, you show that you have heard her and that she matters. This is the beginning of communication. 8-12 months y The early little noises turn into babbling e.g. Da-da-dada and Mama-ma-ma. y Babies are beginning to learn what some simple words mean even though they cannot say them, e.g. Mummy, Bottle, No. y There may be one or two single words. y Babies wave bye-bye when asked. y They obey simple requests such as Give me the ball. 12-18 months y There is much babbling in the childrens own jargon. y The first single words appear eg No, Dad, Dog. y Children can point to things they know when they are asked to. y Children know their own names and respond to them. 18 months to 2 years y 18 month-olds can know and use six or more words. Two year-olds may Living with toddlers

have 100 or more words. Many of the words may be unclear but the parent or carer can tell what is meant. Two-year olds can say their name. They can ask for simple things that they need e.g. Drink. Children start to join words together e.g. Daddy home , All gone. They copy the last part of sentences. They try out different speech sounds and make mistakes.

What parents can do

You can play a fun and active role in helping your child learn to talk right from the start by talking to your baby and imitating her sounds, telling her what you are doing and reading stories. As your toddler starts talking, listen to your child, dont correct their speech and let them finish what they are saying. Read stories, talk about the pictures in books together, sing songs and take them to the library. It helps to get down to eye level when you are teaching your child a new word and if they have older brothers and sisters, make sure they get a chance to talk.

y yyy
19

Although all children learn to talk at different rates, you should be concerned if your child: doesnt react to loud noises by the time she is one month old. doesnt turn her head to a noise or voice by three months of age. Hearing problems often cause speech difficulties. doesnt start to make single sounds, e.g. ba ba by eight or nine months. is not starting to say single words by 12 months. doesnt understand simple instructions by two years. If you have any concerns about your childs speech or hearing, talk to your local child health nurse or your doctor. Your child may need to see a speech pathologist.

child care

Choosing the right childcare for your child

At some stage, your toddler may need to attend childcare.
Childcare services can not only help you meet your work commitments, but can also provide children with programs and activities that promote healthy development, teach them to play and socialise with other children and prepare them for the transition to school.

Concerned about the standards or safety at your childcare centre? Contact DoCS Childrens Services on 02 9716 2153 or 1800 619 113. You can also email your enquiries to cslicensing@ community.nsw.gov.au.

How do I choose a centre?

To choose the right centre for your child, take some time to think about their needs and interests and your familys needs. It may be important to choose a centre close to where you live or work or one thats close to public transport. Make sure you visit the centre or service first and check that its policies and values are right for you. The following are some questions to ask the operators:

and how each childs individual interests will be catered for. They should also cover childrens behaviour, health and safety, excursions, authority for access or picking up your child, how staff will treat your child and how the program is relevant to children of different cultures and abilities.

What kinds of experiences do they provide?

A balance of indoor and outdoor activities, lots of variety and enough toys and equipment to make each day interesting. In centre-based care, a written program should be displayed and you should be able to view records about your child. All services, including home-based and family day care must talk to parents regularly about what activities their child has been involved in and they should encourage all children to develop at their own pace.

a
20

What are their policies?

All services should have written information available which covers what their educational objectives are and how they will be achieved, how parents can have day-to-day input into the programs

Living with toddlers

child care

What about accidents, illnesses and infectious diseases?

If your child has an accident or becomes ill when they are in childcare, they must be cared for until a parent arrives or medical treatment is obtained. Services must always keep a record of accidents and a staff member must have First Aid qualifications. Ask your service how it handles infectious diseases like chicken pox and make sure it has good hygiene practices to minimise the spread of infections.

How should arriving and leaving be managed?

All children should be greeted by a staff member when they arrive and be encouraged to get involved in an activity this helps them settle for the day. Its also good to encourage children to say goodbye. If your child is finding it hard to settle in, talk to the staff about what you can do. Sometimes its good to spend time with your child at the centre, either in the morning or the afternoon. The parent dropping off the child in the morning and picking them up must sign an attendance book. Any person who picks up the child other than a parent must be authorised in writing by the parent.

Can I visit my child?

Any parent (unless denied access through a court order) is entitled to visit their child at any time.

What are the rules on sleeping?

All services should provide somewhere for your child to have a nap, including fresh bedding so they can sleep if they need to children should not be made to sleep against their will. In family day care or home-based care, a child under two may sleep in the same room as an adult.

What records are kept?

Records on your child must include: initial enrolment form up-to-date contact numbers changes to your childs health reports on your childs development information about children with special needs or allergies.

Types of childrens services

Long day care Long day care is usually open for 10 or more hours per day, five days per week and takes children from 6 weeks to under 6 years. Children can attend part-time or full-time childcare. Family day care Family day care schemes coordinate care provided by family day carers in their own homes and carers operate alone with the support of the scheme. Hours of care vary and are negotiated with the schemes coordinator, or between the carer and the parent. Carers can take up to 5 children from babies up to under 6 years of age and two school-aged children who need before and after school or vacation care.

home-based care Care is provided at the home of the carer who operates independently. Hours of care vary and may be negotiated between the carer and the parent. Carers can nominate the ages of children they care for, but may take children and babies up to 12 years of age who need before and after school or vacation care. Preschool Preschools generally take children aged 3 to under 6 years, although some may be licensed to take children from 2 years of age. Occasional care Occasional care allows parents to leave their child for short periods of time, either on a casual basis or as a temporary booking. Mobile childrens service A mobile service generally operates from a van or other vehicle which travels through a particular geographic area and sets up a childcare service in a local hall or other premises. These services may offer occasional care, preschool care or long day care. Service is offered once a week, or more often, depending on regional needs and hours vary.

aaa
Living with toddlers

21

new baby

A new baby
Here are some ways to prepare your toddler for a new baby: D dont tell a very young child too soon about the new baby. It is exciting for you, but your child will not understand. Toddlers dont have an understanding of time and how long an hour, a week or a month really is. In a toddlers life, six months or so is a very long time to be waiting for something to happen D tell your child later in the pregnancy when she can see what is happening. You can then involve her in visits to the doctor and helping to plan for the baby, like choosing clothes D some toddlers, both boys and girls, enjoy having a doll as their baby and making the same sort of preparations as you do for the real baby D dont change your toddler from a cot to a bed too close to the birth. she may think you are taking her cot for the baby D dont try to toilet train your toddler around the time of the birth unless the toddler makes it very clear that she wants to use the toilet or potty D plan ahead for the mothers stay in hospital as well. Your toddler will manage best if she can stay in her own home with the people she knows well. and have as much contact with your toddler as possible. Even if your toddler cries when they have to leave its better for them to know where you are. When your toddler visits you, try and give them your attention, ask them how they are, what they have been doing today, rather than nursing or breastfeeding the new baby.

in the family!

You could also let your toddler have a photo of you to keep or maybe something special that you always wear like your favourite cardigan. Sometimes a present from the baby to big brother or sister helps and your toddler might also like to choose a gift for the baby.

When baby comes home

D Your toddlers behaviour will

A new baby arriving in the family brings big changes for everyone, particularly for any other children. The birth of a new baby is one of the most stressful times in a young childs life, especially if your other child is two or under. Your toddler still may not feel very secure and as you will have less time for him or her, they may feel less loved.

When mum is in hospital try

D D

22

DDD

probably change no matter how prepared they are. Your toddler may go back to younger behaviour for a while, like wanting a bottle, wanting you to dress him, or going backwards in his toilet training. (Letting your toddler act younger for a while, without getting cross, will help him to feel better more quickly.) Toddlers may get stressed or throw tantrums, especially when you are breastfeeding the new baby. Toddlers need to know that you understand these feelings. You could say: I know you feel cross when I am feeding the baby and you want to play. I would like to play with you too. I love playing with you. Can you find a book and we will read it together? Arrange special activities that you keep for when you feed the baby, e.g. a doll that he can feed, a special video to watch, or tell him a story about what you did with him when he was a baby or read to him. Read stories about new babies which show the older child feeling both happy and sad about the new baby. Show your toddler how to touch the baby gently, but always be there to make sure the baby is safe. Let your child know that hurting the baby is not allowed. Make a special time for your toddler and if you can, get someone else to mind the baby and do something that your toddler enjoys.

Living with toddlers

support

Looking after yourself!

Its very normal as a parent to feel stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, frustrated and even angry at times. You are doing the most important job in the world by bringing up your child and at times it can feel like you are on call 24 hours a day! When you can, take some time out for yourself. Ask family members and friends to help you with babysitting even if its only for short periods of time, so that you can have some breathing space even half an hour can help. Get your partner, family or friends to help with the housework if you can. When you are stressed, ring a friend even if its only for a few minutes. In stressful situations, like when your toddler is throwing a tantrum, count to ten before you react, take a few deep breaths and if you are in danger of harming your child make sure they are safe and walk away until you calm down.

Where to get support

For Parents
The nSW Department of Community Services (DoCS)
DoCS provides services from a network of 80 Community Services Centres across NSW. Youll find their phone numbers in your local telephone directory under Community Services, Department of. For more information about parenting visit our website www.community.nsw.gov.au

Aboriginal Medical Service Co-op Limited

02 9319 5823

Kids Careline
02 4921 2800 (Newcastle area)

Playgroup nSW
1800 171 882

Kidsnet
02 9845 0000

relationships Australia (nSW)

02 9418 8800 1300 364 277 (freecall outside Sydney)

Poisons Information
13 11 26

Childrens Hospital randwick

02 9382 1111

Centacare relationship Counselling

02 9390 5366

To report a child at risk of harm, ring the DoCs 24-hour helpline 132 111
Parent Line
1300 1300 52 Advice and information for statewide (voice and TTY) parents with kids up to 18 years

Childrens Hospital Westmead

02 9845 0000

Lifeline
13 11 14 (statewide)

Salvo Care Line

02 9331 6000 (statewide)

Early Childhood Centres (nSW Health)

To find your local Early Childhood Centre, look under E in the Telstra White Pages. Find out about parenting courses by contacting your local Early Childhood Health Centre or Childrens Hospital

Dial-a-Mum
02 9477 6777 (statewide) Telephone counselling for anyone of any age

Tresillian
02 9787 0855 1800 637 357 (freecall outside Sydney) 24-hour information and counselling for parents or carers of children under 5 years.

Domestic Violence Line

1800 656 463 1800 671 442 (TTY)

For Kids
Kids Help Line
1800 55 1800 www.kidshelpline.com.au

Karitane
02 9794 2350 1300 CArInG (freecall outside Sydney) 24-hour telephone parenting information and counselling

saFety & medical

Kidsafe
02 9845 0890 www.kidsafensw.org.au

In an emergency, ring 000 for ambulance, police and fire

Living with toddlers

23

toddlers

24

Living with toddlers