MONTY PYTHON

AND THE

HOLY GRAIL
FILM SCRIPT

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

The Cast:
%ING ARTH&R PATSY SOLDIER () SOLDIER (* CART MASTER C&STOMER DEAD PERSON DENNIS .OMAN /LAC% %NIGHT GREEN %NIGHT LEAD MON% 0ILLAGER () 0ILLAGER (* SIR /EDE0ERE .ITCH 0ILLAGER (1 0ILLAGER (2 NARRATOR PAGE T&RNER SIR LA&NCELOT SIR GALAHAD SIR RO/IN SIR NOT3APPEARING444 PRISONER MAN GOD FRENCH G&ARD HISTORIAN Graha' Cha"'an Terry Gillia' Mi#hael Palin +ohn Cleese Eri# Idle +ohn Cleese +ohn Yo,nMi#hael Palin Terry +ones +ohn Cleese Terry Gillia' Neil Innes Eri# Idle Mi#hael Palin Terry +ones Connie /ooth +ohn Cleese Neil Innes Mi#hael Palin Ma--ie Gillia' +ohn Cleese Mi#hael Palin Eri# Idle To' Palin Mar5 6y#on Neil Innes Graha' Cha"'an +ohn Cleese +ohn Yo,n-

in order o! a""earan#e$
%NIGHT HISTORIAN7S .IFE MINSTREL LEFT HEAD MIDDLE HEAD RIGHT HEAD 6OOT PIGLET .INSTON DINGO OLD MAN:/RIDGE%EEPER TIM THE ENCHANTER HEAD %NIGHT OF NI CARTOON CHARACTER FATHER PRINCE HER/ERT G&ARD () G&ARD (* CONCORDE G&EST () G&EST (* OLD CRONE ROGER THE SHR&//ER OFFICER () INSPECTOR RA//IT OF CAER/ANNOG /ROTHER MAYNARD SECOND /ROTHER ANIMATOR +ohn Cleese Rita Da8ies Neil Innes Terry +ones Graha' Cha"'an Mi#hael Palin Carol Cle8eland A8ril Ste9art Sally %in-horn Carol Cle8eland Terry Gillia' +ohn Cleese Mi#hael Palin Terry +ones Mi#hael Palin Terry +ones Eri# Idle Graha' Cha"'an Eri# Idle Mi#hael Palin Mi#hael Palin /ee D,!!ell Eri# Idle +,lian Doyle Roy S'ith hi'sel! Eri# Idle Mi#hael Palin Terry Gillia'

S#ene )
;o"enin- ',si#< ;9ind< ;#lo" #lo" #lo"< %ING ARTH&R: .hoa there= ;#lo" #lo" #lo"< SOLDIER (): Halt= .ho -oes there> ARTH&R: It is I? Arth,r? son o! &ther Pendra-on? !ro' the #astle o! Ca'elot4 %in- o! the /ritons? de!eater o! the Sa@ons? So8erei-n o! all En-land= SOLDIER (): P,ll the other one= ARTH&R: I a'?444 and this is 'y tr,sty ser8ant Patsy4 .e ha8e ridden the len-th and Areadth o! the land in sear#h o! 5ni-hts 9ho 9ill Boin 'e in 'y #o,rt at Ca'elot4 I ',st s"ea5 9ith yo,r lord and 'aster4 SOLDIER (): .hat> Ridden on a horse> ARTH&R: Yes= SOLDIER (): Yo,7re ,sin- #o#on,ts= ARTH&R: .hat> SOLDIER (): Yo,78e -ot t9o e'"ty hal8es o! #o#on,t and yo,7re Aan-in7 7e' to-ether4 ARTH&R: So> .e ha8e ridden sin#e the sno9s o! 9inter #o8ered this land? thro,-h the 5in-do' o! Mer#ia? thro,-h33 SOLDIER (): .here7d yo, -et the #o#on,ts> ARTH&R: .e !o,nd the'4 SOLDIER (): Fo,nd the'> In Mer#ia> The #o#on,t7s tro"i#al= ARTH&R: .hat do yo, 'ean> SOLDIER (): .ell? this is a te'"erate Cone4 ARTH&R: The s9allo9 'ay !ly so,th 9ith the s,n or the ho,se 'artin or the "lo8er 'ay see5 9ar'er #li'es in 9inter? yet these are not stran-ers to o,r land> SOLDIER (): Are yo, s,--estin- #o#on,ts 'i-rate> ARTH&R: Not at all4 They #o,ld Ae #arried4 SOLDIER (): .hat> A s9allo9 #arryin- a #o#on,t> ARTH&R: It #o,ld -ri" it Ay the h,s5= SOLDIER (): It7s not a D,estion o! 9here he -ri"s it= It7s a si'"le D,estion o! 9ei-ht ratios= A !i8e o,n#e Aird #o,ld not #arry a one "o,nd #o#on,t4 ARTH&R: .ell? it doesn7t 'atter4 .ill yo, -o and tell yo,r 'aster that Arth,r !ro' the Co,rt o! Ca'elot is here> SOLDIER (): Listen4 In order to 'aintain air3s"eed 8elo#ity? a s9allo9 needs to Aeat its 9in-s !orty3three ti'es e8ery se#ond? ri-ht> ARTH&R: Please= SOLDIER (): A' I ri-ht> ARTH&R: I7' not interested= SOLDIER (*: It #o,ld Ae #arried Ay an A!ri#an s9allo9= SOLDIER (): Oh? yeah? an A!ri#an s9allo9 'ayAe? A,t not a E,ro"ean s9allo94 That7s 'y "oint4 SOLDIER (*: Oh? yeah? I a-ree 9ith that4 ARTH&R: .ill yo, as5 yo,r 'aster i! he 9ants to Boin 'y #o,rt at Ca'elot>= SOLDIER (): /,t then o! #o,rse a33 A!ri#an s9allo9s are non3'i-ratory4 SOLDIER (*: Oh? yeah4 SOLDIER (): So? they #o,ldn7t Arin- a #o#on,t Aa#5 any9ay4 ;#lo" #lo" #lo"< SOLDIER (*: .ait a 'in,te= S,""osin- t9o s9allo9s #arried it to-ether> SOLDIER (): No? they7d ha8e to ha8e it on a line4 SOLDIER (*: .ell? si'"le= They7d B,st ,se a strand o! #ree"er= SOLDIER (): .hat? held ,nder the dorsal -,idin- !eathers> SOLDIER (*: .ell? 9hy not>

S#ene *
;th,d< ;#lan-< CART MASTER: /rin- o,t yo,r dead= ;#lan-< /rin- o,t yo,r dead= ;#lan-< /rin- o,t yo,r dead= ;#lan-< /rin- o,t yo,r dead= ;#lan-< /rin- o,t yo,r dead= ;#o,-h #o,-h444< ;#lan-< ;444#o,-h #o,-h< /rin- o,t yo,r dead= ;#lan-< /rin- o,t yo,r dead= ;#lan-< /rin- o,t yo,r dead= Nine"en#e4 ;#lan-< /rin- o,t yo,r dead= ;#lan-< /rin- o,t yo,r dead= ;#lan-<

/rin- o,t444 ;re9r=< 444yo,r dead= ;re9r=< ;#lan-< /rin- o,t yo,r dead= C&STOMER: Here7s one4 CART MASTER: Nine"en#e4 DEAD PERSON: I7' not dead= CART MASTER: .hat> C&STOMER: Nothin-4 Here7s yo,r nine"en#e4 DEAD PERSON: I7' not dead= CART MASTER: 7Ere4 He says he7s not dead= C&STOMER: Yes? he is4 DEAD PERSON: I7' not= CART MASTER: He isn7t> C&STOMER: .ell? he 9ill Ae soon4 He7s 8ery ill4 DEAD PERSON: I7' -ettin- Aetter= C&STOMER: No? yo,7re not4 Yo,7ll Ae stone dead in a 'o'ent4 CART MASTER: Oh? I #an7t ta5e hi' li5e that4 It7s a-ainst re-,lations4 DEAD PERSON: I don7t 9ant to -o on the #art= C&STOMER: Oh? don7t Ae s,#h a AaAy4 CART MASTER: I #an7t ta5e hi'4 DEAD PERSON: I !eel !ine= C&STOMER: .ell? do ,s a !a8o,r4 CART MASTER: I #an7t4 C&STOMER: .ell? #an yo, han- aro,nd a #o,"le o! 'in,tes> He 9on7t Ae lon-4 CART MASTER: No? I78e -ot to -o to the RoAinsons74 They78e lost nine today4 C&STOMER: .ell? 9hen7s yo,r ne@t ro,nd> CART MASTER: Th,rsday4 DEAD PERSON: I thin5 I7ll -o !or a 9al54 C&STOMER: Yo,7re not !oolin- anyone? yo, 5no94 Loo54 Isn7t there so'ethin- yo, #an do> DEAD PERSON: ;sin-in-< I !eel ha""y4 I !eel ha""y4 ;9ho"< C&STOMER: Ah? than5s 8ery ',#h4 CART MASTER: Not at all4 See yo, on Th,rsday4 C&STOMER: Ri-ht4 All ri-ht4 ;ho9l< ;#lo" #lo" #lo"< .ho7s that? then> CART MASTER: I d,nno4 M,st Ae a 5in-4 C&STOMER: .hy> CART MASTER: He hasn7t -ot shit all o8er hi'4

S#ene 1
;th,d< ;%in- Arth,r ',si#< ;th,d th,d th,d< ;%in- Arth,r ',si# sto"s< ARTH&R: Old 9o'an= DENNIS: Man= ARTH&R: Man4 Sorry4 .hat 5ni-ht li8es in that #astle o8er there> DENNIS: I7' thirty3se8en4 ARTH&R: I33 9hat> DENNIS: I7' thirty3se8en4 I7' not old4 ARTH&R: .ell? I #an7t B,st #all yo, 7Man74 DENNIS: .ell? yo, #o,ld say 7Dennis74 ARTH&R: .ell? I didn7t 5no9 yo, 9ere #alled 7Dennis74 DENNIS: .ell? yo, didn7t Aother to !ind o,t? did yo,> ARTH&R: I did say 7sorry7 aAo,t the 7old 9o'an7? A,t !ro' the Aehind yo, loo5ed33 DENNIS: .hat I oABe#t to is that yo, a,to'ati#ally treat 'e li5e an in!erior= ARTH&R: .ell? I a' %in-= DENNIS: Oh? %in-? eh? 8ery ni#e4 And ho9 d7yo, -et that? eh> /y e@"loitin- the 9or5ers= /y 7an-in- on to o,tdated i'"erialist do-'a 9hi#h "er"et,ates the e#ono'i# and so#ial di!!eren#es in o,r so#iety4 I! there7s e8er -oin- to Ae any "ro-ress 9ith the33 .OMAN: Dennis? there7s so'e lo8ely !ilth do9n here4 Oh= Ho9 d7yo, do> ARTH&R: Ho9 do yo, do? -ood lady> I a' Arth,r? %in- o! the /ritons4 .hose #astle is that> .OMAN: %in- o! the 9ho> ARTH&R: The /ritons4 .OMAN: .ho are the /ritons> ARTH&R: .ell? 9e all are4 .e are all /ritons? and I a' yo,r 5in-4 .OMAN: I didn7t 5no9 9e had a 5in-4 I tho,-ht 9e 9ere an a,tono'o,s #olle#ti8e4 DENNIS: Yo,7re !oolin- yo,rsel!4 .e7re li8in- in a di#tatorshi": a sel!3"er"et,atin- a,to#ra#y in 9hi#h the 9or5in- #lasses33 .OMAN: Oh? there yo, -o Arin-in- #lass into it a-ain4 DENNIS: That7s 9hat it7s all aAo,t4 I! only "eo"le 9o,ld hear o!33 ARTH&R: Please= Please? -ood "eo"le4 I a' in haste4 .ho li8es in that #astle> .OMAN: No one li8es there4

ARTH&R: Then 9ho is yo,r lord> .OMAN: .e don7t ha8e a lord4 ARTH&R: .hat> DENNIS: I told yo,4 .e7re an anar#ho3syndi#alist #o'',ne4 .e ta5e it in t,rns to a#t as a sort o! e@e#,ti8e o!!i#er !or the 9ee5?444 ARTH&R: Yes4 DENNIS: 444A,t all the de#isions o! that o!!i#er ha8e to Ae rati!ied at a s"e#ial Ai39ee5ly 'eetin-444 ARTH&R: Yes? I see4 DENNIS: 444Ay a si'"le 'aBority in the #ase o! ",rely internal a!!airs?444 ARTH&R: /e D,iet= DENNIS: 444A,t Ay a t9o3thirds 'aBority in the #ase o! 'ore 'aBor33 ARTH&R: /e D,iet= I order yo, to Ae D,iet= .OMAN: Order? eh> .ho does he thin5 he is> Heh4 ARTH&R: I a' yo,r 5in-= .OMAN: .ell? I didn7t 8ote !or yo,4 ARTH&R: Yo, don7t 8ote !or 5in-s4 .OMAN: .ell? ho9 did yo, Ae#o'e %in-? then> ARTH&R: The Lady o! the La5e?444 ;an-els sin-< 444her ar' #lad in the ",rest shi''erin- sa'ite? held alo!t E@#aliA,r !ro' the Aoso' o! the 9ater si-ni!yin- Ay Di8ine Pro8iden#e that I? Arth,r? 9as to #arry E@#aliA,r4 ;sin-in- sto"s< That is 9hy I a' yo,r 5in-= DENNIS: Listen4 Stran-e 9o'en lyin- in "onds distriA,tin- s9ords is no Aasis !or a syste' o! -o8ern'ent4 S,"re'e e@e#,ti8e "o9er deri8es !ro' a 'andate !ro' the 'asses? not !ro' so'e !ar#i#al aD,ati# #ere'ony4 ARTH&R: /e D,iet= DENNIS: .ell? A,t yo, #an7t e@"e#t to 9ield s,"re'e e@e#,ti8e "o9er B,st 7#a,se so'e 9atery tart thre9 a s9ord at yo,= ARTH&R: Sh,t ,"= DENNIS: I 'ean? i! I 9ent 7ro,nd sayin- I 9as an e'"eror B,st Ae#a,se so'e 'oistened Aint had loAAed a s#i'itar at 'e? they7d ",t 'e a9ay= ARTH&R: Sh,t ,"? 9ill yo,> Sh,t ,"= DENNIS: Ah? no9 9e see the 8iolen#e inherent in the syste'4 ARTH&R: Sh,t ,"= DENNIS: Oh= Co'e and see the 8iolen#e inherent in the syste'= Hel"= Hel"= I7' Aein- re"ressed= ARTH&R: /loody "easant= DENNIS: Oh? 9hat a -i8e3a9ay4 Did yo, hear that> Did yo, hear that? eh> That7s 9hat I7' on aAo,t4 Did yo, see hi' re"ressin- 'e> Yo, sa9 it? didn7t yo,>

S#ene 2
;%in- Arth,r ',si#< ;',si# sto"s< /LAC% %NIGHT: Aaaa-h= ;%in- Arth,r ',si#< ;',si# sto"s< /LAC% %NIGHT: Aaa-h= GREEN %NIGHT: Ooh= ;%in- Arth,r ',si#< ;',si# sto"s< ;staA< /LAC% %NIGHT: Aa-h= GREEN %NIGHT: Oh= ;%in- Arth,r ',si#< Ooh= &,h4 ;',si# sto"s< /LAC% %NIGHT: Aaaa-h= ;#lan-< /LAC% %NIGHT and GREEN %NIGHT: A-h=? oh=? et#4 GREEN %NIGHT: Aaaaaah= Aaaaaaaaah= ;9oosh< ;/LAC% %NIGHT 5ills GREEN %NIGHT< ;th,d< ;s#ra"e< /LAC% %NIGHT: &''= ;#lo" #lo" #lo"< ARTH&R: Yo, !i-ht 9ith the stren-th o! 'any 'en? Sir %ni-ht4 ;"a,se< I a' Arth,r? %in- o! the /ritons4 ;"a,se< I see5 the !inest and the Ara8est 5ni-hts in the land to Boin 'e in 'y #o,rt at Ca'elot4 ;"a,se< Yo, ha8e "ro8ed yo,rsel! 9orthy4 .ill yo, Boin 'e> ;"a,se< Yo, 'a5e 'e sad4 So Ae it4 Co'e? Patsy4 /LAC% %NIGHT: None shall "ass4 ARTH&R: .hat> /LAC% %NIGHT: None shall "ass4 ARTH&R: I ha8e no D,arrel 9ith yo,? -ood Sir %ni-ht? A,t I ',st #ross this Arid-e4

/LAC% %NIGHT: Then yo, shall die4 ARTH&R: I #o''and yo,? as %in- o! the /ritons? to stand aside= /LAC% %NIGHT: I 'o8e !or no 'an4 ARTH&R: So Ae it= ARTH&R and /LAC% %NIGHT: Aaah=? hiyaah=? et#4 ;ARTH&R #ho"s the /LAC% %NIGHT7s le!t ar' o!!< ARTH&R: No9 stand aside? 9orthy ad8ersary4 /LAC% %NIGHT: 7Tis A,t a s#rat#h4 ARTH&R: A s#rat#h> Yo,r ar'7s o!!= /LAC% %NIGHT: No? it isn7t4 ARTH&R: .ell? 9hat7s that? then> /LAC% %NIGHT: I78e had 9orse4 ARTH&R: Yo, liar= /LAC% %NIGHT: Co'e on? yo, "ansy= ;#lan-< H,yah= ;#lan-< Hiyaah= ;#lan-< Aaaaaaaah= ;ARTH&R #ho"s the /LAC% %NIGHT7s ri-ht ar' o!!< ARTH&R: 0i#tory is 'ine= ;5neelin-< .e than5 Thee Lord? that in Thy 'er33 /LAC% %NIGHT: Hah= ;5i#5< Co'e on? then4 ARTH&R: .hat> /LAC% %NIGHT: Ha8e at yo,= ;5i#5< ARTH&R: Eh4 Yo, are indeed Ara8e? Sir %ni-ht? A,t the !i-ht is 'ine4 /LAC% %NIGHT: Oh? had eno,-h? eh> ARTH&R: Loo5? yo, st,"id Aastard4 Yo,78e -ot no ar's le!t4 /LAC% %NIGHT: Yes? I ha8e4 ARTH&R: Loo5= /LAC% %NIGHT: +,st a !lesh 9o,nd4 ;5i#5< ARTH&R: Loo5? sto" that4 /LAC% %NIGHT: Chi#5en= ;5i#5< Chi#5ennn= ARTH&R: Loo5? I7ll ha8e yo,r le-4 ;5i#5< Ri-ht= ;9ho"< ;ARTH&R #ho"s the /LAC% %NIGHT7s ri-ht le- o!!< /LAC% %NIGHT: Ri-ht4 I7ll do yo, !or that= ARTH&R: Yo,7ll 9hat> /LAC% %NIGHT: Co'e here= ARTH&R: .hat are yo, -oin- to do? Aleed on 'e> /LAC% %NIGHT: I7' in8in#iAle= ARTH&R: Yo,7re a looney4 /LAC% %NIGHT: The /la#5 %ni-ht al9ays tri,'"hs= Ha8e at yo,= Co'e on? then4 ;9ho"< ;ARTH&R #ho"s the /LAC% %NIGHT7s last le- o!!< /LAC% %NIGHT: Oh> All ri-ht? 9e7ll #all it a dra94 ARTH&R: Co'e? Patsy4 /LAC% %NIGHT: Oh4 Oh? I see4 R,nnin- a9ay? eh> Yo, yello9 Aastards= Co'e Aa#5 here and ta5e 9hat7s #o'in- to yo,4 I7ll Aite yo,r le-s o!!=

S#ene E
MON%S: ;#hantin-< Pie Ies, do'ine? dona eis reD,ie'4 ;Aon5< Pie Ies, do'ine?444 ;Aon5< 444dona eis reD,ie'4 ;Aon5< Pie Ies, do'ine?444 ;Aon5< 444dona eis reD,ie'4 CRO.D: A 9it#h= A 9it#h= ;Aon5< A 9it#h= A 9it#h= MON%S: ;#hantin-< Pie Ies, do'ine444 CRO.D: A 9it#h= A 9it#h= A 9it#h= A 9it#h= .e78e !o,nd a 9it#h= A 9it#h= A 9it#h= A 9it#h= A 9it#h= .e78e -ot a 9it#h= A 9it#h= A 9it#h= /,rn her= /,rn her= /,rn her= .e78e !o,nd a 9it#h= .e78e !o,nd a 9it#h= A 9it#h= A 9it#h= A 9it#h=

0ILLAGER (): .e ha8e !o,nd a 9it#h4 May 9e A,rn her> CRO.D: /,rn her= /,rn= /,rn her= /,rn her= /EDE0ERE: Ho9 do yo, 5no9 she is a 9it#h> 0ILLAGER (*: She loo5s li5e one4 CRO.D: Ri-ht= Yeah= Yeah= /EDE0ERE: /rin- her !or9ard4 .ITCH: I7' not a 9it#h4 I7' not a 9it#h4 /EDE0ERE: &h? A,t yo, are dressed as one4 .ITCH: They dressed 'e ," li5e this4 CRO.D: A,-h? 9e didn7t= .e didn7t444 .ITCH: And this isn7t 'y nose4 It7s a !alse one4 /EDE0ERE: .ell> 0ILLAGER (): .ell? 9e did do the nose4 /EDE0ERE: The nose> 0ILLAGER (): And the hat? A,t she is a 9it#h= 0ILLAGER (*: Yeah= CRO.D: .e A,rn her= Ri-ht= Yeaaah= Yeaah= /EDE0ERE: Did yo, dress her ," li5e this> 0ILLAGER (): No= 0ILLAGER (* and 1: No4 No4 0ILLAGER (*: No4 0ILLAGER (): No4 0ILLAGERS (* and (1: No4 0ILLAGER (): Yes4 0ILLAGER (*: Yes4 0ILLAGER (): Yes4 Yeah? a Ait4 0ILLAGER (1: A Ait4 0ILLAGERS () and (*: A Ait4 0ILLAGER (1: A Ait4 0ILLAGER (): She has -ot a 9art4 RANDOM: ;#o,-h< /EDE0ERE: .hat 'a5es yo, thin5 she is a 9it#h> 0ILLAGER (1: .ell? she t,rned 'e into a ne9t4 /EDE0ERE: A ne9t> 0ILLAGER (1: I -ot Aetter4 0ILLAGER (*: /,rn her any9ay= 0ILLAGER (): /,rn= CRO.D: /,rn her= /,rn= /,rn her=444 /EDE0ERE: F,iet= F,iet= F,iet= F,iet= There are 9ays o! tellin- 9hether she is a 9it#h4 0ILLAGER (): Are there> 0ILLAGER (*: Ah> 0ILLAGER (): .hat are they> CRO.D: Tell ,s= Tell ,s=444 /EDE0ERE: Tell 'e4 .hat do yo, do 9ith 9it#hes> 0ILLAGER (*: /,rn= 0ILLAGER (): /,rn= CRO.D: /,rn= /,rn the' ,"= /,rn=444 /EDE0ERE: And 9hat do yo, A,rn a"art !ro' 9it#hes> 0ILLAGER (): More 9it#hes= 0ILLAGER (1: Shh= 0ILLAGER (*: .ood= /EDE0ERE: So? 9hy do 9it#hes A,rn> ;"a,se< 0ILLAGER (1: /33444 7#a,se they7re 'ade o!444 9ood> /EDE0ERE: Good= Heh heh4 CRO.D: Oh? yeah4 Oh4 /EDE0ERE: So? ho9 do 9e tell 9hether she is 'ade o! 9ood> 0ILLAGER (): /,ild a Arid-e o,t o! her4 /EDE0ERE: Ah? A,t #an yo, not also 'a5e Arid-es o,t o! stone> 0ILLAGER (): Oh? yeah4 RANDOM: Oh? yeah4 Tr,e4 &hh444 /EDE0ERE: Does 9ood sin5 in 9ater> 0ILLAGER (): No4 No4 0ILLAGER (*: No? it !loats= It !loats= 0ILLAGER (): Thro9 her into the "ond= CRO.D: The "ond= Thro9 her into the "ond= /EDE0ERE: .hat also !loats in 9ater> 0ILLAGER (): /read= 0ILLAGER (*: A""les= 0ILLAGER (1: &h? 8ery s'all ro#5s= 0ILLAGER (): Cider= 0ILLAGER (*: &h? -ra33 -ra8y= 0ILLAGER (): Cherries= 0ILLAGER (*: M,d= 0ILLAGER (1: &h? #h,r#hes= Ch,r#hes= 0ILLAGER (*: Lead= Lead= ARTH&R: A d,#5= CRO.D: Oooh4 /EDE0ERE: E@a#tly4 So? lo-i#ally444 0ILLAGER (): I!444 she444 9ei-hs444 the sa'e as a d,#5?444 she7s 'ade o! 9ood4 /EDE0ERE: And there!ore>

0ILLAGER (*: A 9it#h= 0ILLAGER (): A 9it#h= CRO.D: A 9it#h= A 9it#h=444 0ILLAGER (2: Here is a d,#54 &se this d,#54 ;D,a#5 D,a#5 D,a#5< /EDE0ERE: 0ery -ood4 .e shall ,se 'y lar-est s#ales4 CRO.D: Ohh= Ohh= /,rn the 9it#h= /,rn the 9it#h= /,rn her= /,rn her= /,rn her= /,rn her= /,rn her= /,rn her= /,rn her= Ahh= Ahh444 /EDE0ERE: Ri-ht4 Re'o8e the s,""orts= ;9ho"< ;#l,n5< ;#rea5< CRO.D: A 9it#h= A 9it#h= A 9it#h= .ITCH: It7s a !air #o"4 0ILLAGER (1: /,rn her= CRO.D: /,rn her= /,rn her= /,rn her= /,rn= /,rn=444 /EDE0ERE: .ho are yo, 9ho are so 9ise in the 9ays o! s#ien#e> ARTH&R: I a' Arth,r? %in- o! the /ritons4 /EDE0ERE: My lie-e= ARTH&R: Good Sir %ni-ht? 9ill yo, #o'e 9ith 'e to Ca'elot and Boin ,s at the Ro,nd TaAle> /EDE0ERE: My lie-e= I 9o,ld Ae honored4 ARTH&R: .hat is yo,r na'e> /EDE0ERE: 7/ede8ere7? 'y lie-e4 ARTH&R: Then I d,A yo, 7Sir /ede8ere? %ni-ht o! the Ro,nd TaAle74

Narrati8e Interl,de
NARRATOR: The 9ise Sir /ede8ere 9as the !irst to Boin %in- Arth,r7s 5ni-hts? A,t other ill,strio,s na'es 9ere soon to !ollo9: Sir Lan#elot the /ra8e? Sir Gallahad the P,re? and Sir RoAin the3not3D,ite3so3Ara8e3as3Sir3Lan#elot? 9ho had nearly !o,-ht the Dra-on o! An-nor? 9ho had nearly stood ," to the 8i#io,s Chi#5en o! /ristol? and 9ho had "ersonally 9et hi'sel! at the /attle o! /adon Hill? and the a"tly na'ed Sir Not3a""earin-3in3this3!il'4 To-ether they !or'ed a Aand 9hose na'es and deeds 9ere to Ae retold thro,-ho,t the #ent,ries: the %ni-hts o! the Ro,nd TaAle4

S#ene G
;#lo" #lo" #lo"< SIR /EDE0ERE: And that? 'y lie-e? is ho9 9e 5no9 the earth to Ae Aanana3sha"ed4 ARTH&R: This ne9 learnin- a'aCes 'e? Sir /ede8ere4 E@"lain a-ain ho9 shee"7s Aladders 'ay Ae e'"loyed to "re8ent earthD,a5es4 /EDE0ERE: Oh? #ertainly? sir4 SIR LA&NCELOT: Loo5? 'y lie-e= ;tr,'"ets< ARTH&R: Ca'elot= SIR GALAHAD: Ca'elot= LA&NCELOT: Ca'elot= PATSY: It7s only a 'odel4 ARTH&R: Shh= %ni-hts? I Aid yo, 9el#o'e to yo,r ne9 ho'e4 Let ,s ride444 to444 Ca'elot= ;in 'edie8al hall< %NIGHTS: ;sin-in-< .e7re %ni-hts o! the Ro,nd TaAle4 .e dan#e 9hene7er 9e7re aAle4 .e do ro,tines and #hor,s s#enes .ith !oot9or5 i'"e##aAle4 .e dine 9ell here in Ca'elot4 .e eat ha' and Ba' and s"a' a lot4 ;dan#in-< .e7re %ni-hts o! the Ro,nd TaAle4 O,r sho9s are !or'idaAle? /,t 'any ti'es 9e7re -i8en rhy'es That are D,ite ,nsin-aAle4 .e7re o"era 'ad in Ca'elot4 .e sin- !ro' the dia"hra-' a lot4 ;in d,n-eon< PRISONER: ;#la" #la" #la" #la"< ;in 'edie8al hall< %NIGHTS: ;ta"3dan#in-< In 9ar 9e7re to,-h and aAle? F,ite inde!ati-aAle4 /et9een o,r D,ests 9e seD,in 8ests and i'"ersonate Clar5 GaAle4 It7s a A,sy li!e in Ca'elot4 MAN: I ha8e to ",sh the "ra' a lot4 ;o,tdoors< ARTH&R: .ell? on se#ond tho,-ht? let7s not -o to Ca'elot4 It is a silly "la#e4 %NIGHTS: Ri-ht4 Ri-ht4

S#ene H
;#lo" #lo" #lo"< ;Aoo' Aoo'< ;an-els sin-< GOD: Arth,r= Arth,r? %in- o! the /ritons= Oh? don7t -ro8el= ;sin-in- sto"s< One thin- I #an7t stand? it7s "eo"le -ro8elin-4 ARTH&R: Sorry4 ;Aoo'< GOD: And don7t a"olo-iCe4 E8ery ti'e I try to tal5 to so'eone it7s 7sorry this7 and 7!or-i8e 'e that7 and 7I7' not 9orthy74 ;Aoo'< .hat are yo, doin- no9>= ARTH&R: I7' a8ertin- 'y eyes? O Lord4 GOD: .ell? don7t4 It7s li5e those 'iseraAle Psal's33 they7re so de"ressin-4 No9? 5no#5 it o!!= ARTH&R: Yes? Lord4 GOD: Ri-ht= Arth,r? %in- o! the /ritons? yo,r %ni-hts o! the Ro,nd TaAle shall ha8e a tas5 to 'a5e the' an e@a'"le in these dar5 ti'es4 ARTH&R: Good idea? O Lord= GOD: 7Co,rse it7s a -ood idea= /ehold= ;an-els sin-< Arth,r? this is the Holy Grail4 Loo5 9ell? Arth,r? !or it is yo,r sa#red tas5 to see5 this -rail4 That is yo,r ",r"ose? Arth,r: the D,est !or the Holy Grail4 ;Aoo'< ;sin-in- sto"s< LA&NCELOT: A Alessin-= A Alessin- !ro' the Lord= GALAHAD: God Ae "raised=

S#ene I
;%in- Arth,r ',si#< ;#lo" #lo" #lo"< ARTH&R: Halt= ;horn< Hallo= ;"a,se< Hallo= FRENCH G&ARD: Allo= .ho is eet> ARTH&R: It is %in- Arth,r? and these are 'y %ni-hts o! the Ro,nd TaAle4 .ho7s #astle is this> FRENCH G&ARD: This is the #astle o! 'y 'aster? G,y de Loi'Aard4 ARTH&R: Go and tell yo,r 'aster that 9e ha8e Aeen #har-ed Ay God 9ith a sa#red D,est4 I! he 9ill -i8e ,s !ood and shelter !or the ni-ht? he #an Boin ,s in o,r D,est !or the Holy Grail4 FRENCH G&ARD: .ell? I7ll as5 hi'? A,t I don7t thin5 he7ll Ae 8ery 5een4 &h? he7s already -ot one? yo, see4 ARTH&R: .hat> GALAHAD: He says they78e already -ot one= ARTH&R: Are yo, s,re he7s -ot one> FRENCH G&ARD: Oh? yes4 It7s 8ery ni#e3a4 I told hi' 9e already -ot one4$ FRENCH G&ARDS: ;#h,#5lin-< ARTH&R: .ell? ,33 ,'? #an 9e #o'e ," and ha8e a loo5> FRENCH G&ARD: O! #o,rse not= Yo, are En-lish ty"es3a= ARTH&R: .ell? 9hat are yo,? then> FRENCH G&ARD: I7' Fren#h= .hy do thin5 I ha8e this o,tra-eo,s a##ent? yo, silly 5in-3a>= GALAHAD: .hat are yo, doin- in En-land> FRENCH G&ARD: Mind yo,r o9n A,siness= ARTH&R: I! yo, 9ill not sho9 ,s the Grail? 9e shall ta5e yo,r #astle Ay !or#e= FRENCH G&ARD: Yo, don7t !ri-hten ,s? En-lish "i-3do-s= Go and Aoil yo,r Aotto'? sons o! a silly "erson4 I Alo9 'y nose at yo,? so3#alled Arth,r %in-? yo, and all yo,r silly En-lish 53nnnnni--ets4 Th"""""t= Th""t= Th""t= GALAHAD: .hat a stran-e "erson4 ARTH&R: No9 loo5 here? 'y -ood 'an33 FRENCH G&ARD: I don7t 9anna tal5 to yo, no 'ore? yo, e'"ty headed ani'al !ood tro,-h 9i"er= I !art in yo,r -eneral dire#tion= Yo,r 'other 9as a ha'ster and yo,r !ather s'elt o! elderAerries= GALAHAD: Is there so'eone else ," there 9e #o,ld tal5 to> FRENCH G&ARD: No4 No9? -o a9ay? or I shall ta,nt yo, a se#ond ti'e3a= ;sni!!< ARTH&R: No9? this is yo,r last #han#e4 I78e Aeen 'ore than reasonaAle4 FRENCH G&ARD: Fet#heC la 8a#he4$ OTHER FRENCH G&ARD: F,oi> FRENCH G&ARD: Fet#heC la 8a#he=$ ;'ooo< ARTH&R: I! yo, do not a-ree to 'y #o''ands? then I shall33 ;t9on-< ;'ooooooo< +es,s Christ= %NIGHTS: Christ= ;th,d< Ah= Ohh=444 ARTH&R: Ri-ht= Char-e=

%NIGHTS: Char-e= ;'ayhe'< FRENCH G&ARD: Hey? this one is !or yo,r 'other= There yo, -o4 ;'ayhe'< FRENCH G&ARD: And this one7s !or yo,r dad= ARTH&R: R,n a9ay= %NIGHTS: R,n a9ay= FRENCH G&ARD: Th""""t= FRENCH G&ARDS: ;ta,ntin-< LA&NCELOT: Fiends= I7ll tear the' a"art= ARTH&R: No? no4 No? no4 /EDE0ERE: Sir= I ha8e a "lan? sir4

;later<
;9ind< ;sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9 sa9< ;#l,n5< ;Aan-< ;re9r=< ;sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5< ;rrrr rrrr rrrr< ;drilllll< ;sa99999< ;#l,n5< ;#rash< ;#lan-< ;sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5444< ;#rea5< FRENCH G&ARDS: ;9his"erin-< C7est ,n la"in? la"in de Aois4 F,oi> &n #adea,4 .hat> A "resent4 Oh? ,n #adea,4 O,i? o,i4 H,rry4 .hat> Let7s -o4 Oh4 On y 8a4 /on 'a-ne4 O8er here444 ;sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5444< ;#lllan5< ARTH&R: .hat ha""ens no9> /EDE0ERE: .ell? no9? ,h? La,n#elot? Galahad? and I? ,h? 9ait ,ntil ni-ht!all? and then lea" o,t o! the raAAit? ta5in- the Fren#h? ,h? Ay s,r"rise4 Not only Ay s,r"rise? A,t totally ,nar'ed= ARTH&R: .ho lea"s o,t> /EDE0ERE: &33 ,33 ,h? La,n#elot? Galahad? and I? ,h? lea" o,t o! the raAAit? ,h? and ,h444 ARTH&R: Ohh4 /EDE0ERE: Oh4 &'? l33 loo5? i33 i33 i! 9e A,ilt this lar-e 9ooden Aad-er33 ;#lan5< ;t9on-< ARTH&R: R,n a9ay= %NIGHTS: R,n a9ay= R,n a9ay= R,n a9ay= R,n a9ay= R,n a9ay= R,n a9ay= R,n a9ay= ;CRASH< FRENCH G&ARDS: Oh? ha9 ha9 ha9 ha9= Ha9= Ha9 ha9 heh444

S#ene J
;#la#5< 0OICE: Pi#t,re !or S#hools? ta5e ei-ht4 DIRECTOR: A#tion= HISTORIAN: De!eat at the #astle see's to ha8e ,tterly disheartened %in- Arth,r4 The !ero#ity o! the Fren#h ta,ntin- too5 hi' #o'"letely Ay s,r"rise? and Arth,r Ae#a'e #on8in#ed that a ne9 strate-y 9as reD,ired i! the D,est !or the Holy Grail 9ere to Ae Aro,-ht to a s,##ess!,l #on#l,sion4 Arth,r? ha8in- #ons,lted his #losest 5ni-hts? de#ided that they sho,ld se"arate and sear#h !or the Grail indi8id,ally4 ;#lo" #lo" #lo"< No9? this is 9hat they did: La,n#elot33 %NIGHT: Aaaah= ;slash< ;%NIGHT 5ills HISTORIAN< HISTORIAN7S .IFE: Fran5=

S#ene )K
;tr,'"ets< NARRATOR: The Tale o! Sir RoAin4 So? ea#h o! the 5ni-hts 9ent their se"arate 9ays4 Sir RoAin rode north? thro,-h the dar5 !orest o! E9in-? a##o'"anied Ay his !a8o,rite 'instrels4 MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< /ra8ely Aold Sir RoAin rode !orth !ro' Ca'elot4 He 9as not a!raid to die? O Ara8e Sir RoAin4 He 9as not at all a!raid to Ae 5illed in nasty 9ays? /ra8e? Ara8e? Ara8e? Ara8e Sir RoAin= He 9as not in the least Ait s#ared to Ae 'ashed into a ",l"? Or to ha8e his eyes -o,-ed o,t and his elAo9s Aro5en? To ha8e his 5nee#a"s s"lit and his Aody A,rned a9ay And his li'As all ha#5ed and 'an-led? Ara8e Sir RoAin=

His head s'ashed in and his heart #,t o,t And his li8er re'o8ed and his Ao9els ,n"l,--ed And his nostrils ra"ed and his Aotto' A,rned o!! And his "en33 SIR RO/IN: That7s33 that7s? ,h33 that7s eno,-h ',si# !or no9? lads4 Heh4 Loo5s li5e there7s dirty 9or5 a!oot4 DENNIS: Anar#ho3syndi#alis' is a 9ay o! "reser8in- !reedo'4 .OMAN: Oh? Dennis? !or-et aAo,t !reedo'4 .e ha8en7t -ot eno,-h ',d4 ALL HEADS: Halt= .ho art tho,> MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< He is Ara8e Sir RoAin? Ara8e Sir RoAin? 9ho33 RO/IN: Sh,t ,"= &'? n33 n33 n33 noAody? really4 I7' B33 B33 B33 B,33 B,st? ,'33 B,st "assin- thro,-h4 ALL HEADS: .hat do yo, 9ant> MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< To !i-ht and33 RO/IN: Sh,t ,"= &'? oo? a33 nothin-4 Nothin-? really4 I? ,h33 B33 B33 B,st33 B,st to? ,'33 B,st to "33 "ass thro,-h? -ood Sir %ni-ht4 ALL HEADS: I7' a!raid not= RO/IN: Ah4 .33 9ell? a#t,ally I33 I a' a %ni-ht o! the Ro,nd TaAle4 ALL HEADS: Yo,7re a %ni-ht o! the Ro,nd TaAle> RO/IN: I a'4 LEFT HEAD: In that #ase? I shall ha8e to 5ill yo,4 MIDDLE HEAD: Shall I> RIGHT HEAD: Oh? I don7t thin5 so4 MIDDLE HEAD: .ell? 9hat do I thin5> LEFT HEAD: I thin5 5ill hi'4 RIGHT HEAD: Oh? let7s Ae ni#e to hi'4 LEFT HEAD: Oh? sh,t ,"4 RO/IN: Perha"s I #o,ld33 LEFT HEAD: And yo,4 Oh? D,i#5= Get the s9ord o,t4 I 9ant to #,t his head o!!= RIGHT HEAD: Oh? #,t yo,r o9n head o!!= MIDDLE HEAD: Yes? do ,s all a !a8o,r= LEFT HEAD: .hat> RIGHT HEAD: Ya""in- on all the ti'e4 MIDDLE HEAD: Yo,7re l,#5y4 Yo,7re not ne@t to hi'4 LEFT HEAD: .hat do yo, 'ean> MIDDLE HEAD: Yo, snore= LEFT HEAD: Oh? I don7t4 Any9ay? yo,78e -ot Aad Areath4 MIDDLE HEAD: .ell? it7s only Ae#a,se yo, don7t Ar,sh 'y teeth4 RIGHT HEAD: Oh? sto" Ait#hin- and let7s -o ha8e tea4 LEFT HEAD: Oh? all ri-ht4 All ri-ht4 All ri-ht4 .e7ll 5ill hi' !irst and then ha8e tea and Ais#,its4 MIDDLE HEAD: Yes4 RIGHT HEAD: Oh? not Ais#,its4 LEFT HEAD: All ri-ht4 All ri-ht? not Ais#,its? A,t let7s 5ill hi' any9ay4 ALL HEADS: Ri-ht= MIDDLE HEAD: He A,--ered o!!4 RIGHT HEAD: So he has4 He7s s#ar"ered4 MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< RO/IN: No= MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< RO/IN: I didn7t= MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< RO/IN: No= MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< RO/IN: I didn7t= MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< RO/IN: I ne8er did= MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< RO/IN: All lies= MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< RO/IN: I ne8er= /ra8e Sir RoAin ran a9ay? /ra8ely ran a9ay? a9ay4 .hen dan-er reared its ,-ly head? he Ara8ely t,rned his tail and !led4 Yes? Ara8e Sir RoAin t,rned aAo,t And -allantly? he #hi#5ened o,t4 /ra8ely ta5in- to his !eet? He Aeat a 8ery Ara8e retreat? /ra8est o! the Ara8e? Sir RoAin4

Cartoon
CARTOON MON%S: ;#hantin-< Pie Ies, do'ine? dona eis reD,ie'4 CARTOON CHARACTER: Heh heh heeh ooh444 ;t9an-< CARTOON MON%S: ;#hantin-< Pie Ies, do'ine?444 CARTOON CHARACTERS: .ayy= ;s"lash< Ho ho4 .oa? 9ayy= ;t9an-< ;s"lash< Heh heh heh heh ho= Heh heh heh= CARTOON MON%S: ;#hantin-< 444dona eis reD,ie'4 CARTOON CHARACTER: .ayy= ;t9an-< .ayy= ;t9an-< 0OICE: ;9his"erin-< For-i8e 'e? !or I ha8e sinned4 CARTOON CHARACTER: Oh= Oooo4

S#ene ))
;tr,'"ets< NARRATOR: The Tale o! Sir Galahad4 ;Aoo'< ;9ind< ;ho9l< ;ho9l< ;Aoo'< ;an-els sin-in-< ;ho9l< ;Aoo'< ;ho9l< ;Aoo'< ;"o,nd "o,nd "o,nd< GALAHAD: O"en the door= O"en the door= ;"o,nd "o,nd "o,nd< In the na'e o! %in- Arth,r? o"en the door= ;#rea5< ;th,'"< ;#rea5< ;Aoo'< GIRLS: Hello= 6OOT: .el#o'e? -entle Sir %ni-ht4 .el#o'e to the Castle Anthra@4 GALAHAD: The Castle Anthra@> 6OOT: Yes4 Oh? it7s not a 8ery -ood na'e? is it> Oh? A,t 9e are ni#e and 9e 9ill attend to yo,r e8ery? e8ery need= GALAHAD: Yo, are the 5ee"ers o! the Holy Grail> 6OOT: The 9hat> GALAHAD: The Grail4 It is here4 6OOT: Oh? A,t yo, are tired and yo, ',st rest a9hile4 Mid-et= Cra""er= MIDGET and CRAPPER: Yes? O 6oot> 6OOT: Pre"are a Aed !or o,r -,est4 MIDGET and CRAPPER: Oh? than5 yo,= Than5 yo,= Than5 yo,= Than5 yo,= Than5 yo,= Than5 yo,=444 6OOT: A9ay= A9ay? 8arletesses4 The Aeds here are 9ar' and so!t and 8ery? 8ery Ai-4 GALAHAD: .ell? loo5? I33 I? ,h33 6OOT: .hat is yo,r na'e? handso'e 5ni-ht> GALAHAD: 7Sir Galahad444 the Chaste74 6OOT: Mine is 76oot74 +,st 76oot74 Oh? A,t #o'e4 GALAHAD: Loo5? "lease= In God7s na'e? sho9 'e the Grail= 6OOT: Oh? yo, ha8e s,!!ered ',#h4 Yo, are delirio,s4 GALAHAD: No? loo54 I ha8e seen it= It is here in this33 6OOT: Sir Galahad= Yo, 9o,ld not Ae so ,n-allant as to re!,se o,r hos"itality4 GALAHAD: .ell? I33 I? ,h33 6OOT: Oh? I a' a!raid o,r li!e ',st see' 8ery d,ll and D,iet #o'"ared to yo,rs4 .e are A,t ei-ht s#ore yo,n- Alondes and Ar,nettes? all Aet9een si@teen and nineteen3and3a3hal!? #,t o!! in this #astle 9ith no one to "rote#t ,s4 Oooh4 It is a lonely li!e: Aathin-? dressin-? ,ndressin-? 'a5in- e@#itin,nder9ear4 .e are B,st not ,sed to handso'e 5ni-hts4 Nay4 Nay4 Co'e4 Co'e4 Yo, 'ay lie here4 Oh? A,t yo, are 9o,nded= GALAHAD: No? no4 It7s33 it7s nothin-4 6OOT: Oh? yo, ',st see the do#tors i''ediately= No? no? "lease= Lie do9n4 ;#la" #la"< PIGLET: .ell? 9hat see's to Ae the tro,Ale> GALAHAD: They7re do#tors>= 6OOT: &h? they444 ha8e a Aasi# 'edi#al trainin-? yes4 GALAHAD: /33 A,t33 6OOT: Oh? #o'e4 Co'e4 Yo, ',st try to rest4 Do#tor Pi-let= Do#tor .inston= Pra#tise yo,r art4 .INSTON: Try to rela@4 GALAHAD: Are yo, s,re that7s aAsol,tely ne#essary> PIGLET: .e ',st e@a'ine yo,4 GALAHAD: There7s nothin- 9ron- 9ith that= PIGLET: Please4 .e are do#tors4 GALAHAD: Loo5= This #annot Ae4 I a' s9orn to #hastity4 PIGLET: /a#5 to yo,r Aed= At on#e= GALAHAD: Tor'ent 'e no lon-er4 I ha8e seen the Grail= PIGLET: There7s no -rail here4 GALAHAD: I ha8e seen it= I ha8e seen it= ;#lan5< I ha8e seen33 GIRLS: Hello4 GALAHAD: Oh4 GIRLS: Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 Hello4 GALAHAD: 6oot= DINGO: No? I a' 6oot7s identi#al t9in sister? Din-o4 GALAHAD: Oh? 9ell? e@#,se 'e? I33 DINGO: .here are yo, -oin-> GALAHAD: I see5 the Grail= I ha8e seen it? here in this #astle= DINGO: Oh? no4 Oh? no= /ad? Aad 6oot= GALAHAD: .ell? 9hat is it> DINGO: Oh? 9i#5ed? Aad? na,-hty 6oot= She has Aeen settin- ali-ht to o,r Aea#on? 9hi#h? I ha8e B,st re'e'Aered? is -rail3sha"ed4 It7s not the !irst ti'e 9e78e had this "roAle'4

GALAHAD: It7s not the real Grail> DINGO: Oh? 9i#5ed? Aad? na,-hty? e8il 6oot= She is a Aad "erson and ',st "ay the "enalty= Do yo, thin5 this s#ene sho,ld ha8e Aeen #,t> .e 9ere so 9orried 9hen the Aoys 9ere 9ritin- it? A,t no9? 9e7re -lad4 It7s Aetter than so'e o! the "re8io,s s#enes? I thin54 LEFT HEAD: At least o,rs 9as Aetter 8is,ally4 DENNIS: .ell? at least o,rs 9as #o''itted4 It 9asn7t B,st a strin- o! ",ssy Bo5es4 OLD MAN: Get on 9ith it4 TIM THE ENCHANTER: Yes? -et on 9ith it= ARMY OF %NIGHTS: Yes? -et on 9ith it= DINGO: Oh? I a' enBoyin- this s#ene4 GOD: Get on 9ith it= DINGO: ;si-h< ;#l,n5< Oh? 9i#5ed? 9i#5ed 6oot4 Oh? she is a na,-hty "erson and she ',st "ay the "enalty? and here in Castle Anthra@? 9e ha8e A,t one ",nish'ent !or settinali-ht the -rail3sha"ed Aea#on: yo, ',st tie her do9n on a Aed and s"an5 her4 GIRLS: A s"an5in-= A s"an5in-= DINGO: Yo, ',st s"an5 her 9ell? and a!ter yo, ha8e s"an5ed her? yo, 'ay deal 9ith her as yo, li5e? and then? s"an5 'e4 AMA6ING: And s"an5 'e4 ST&NNER: And 'e4 LO0ELY: And 'e4 DINGO: Yes4 Yes? yo, ',st -i8e ,s all a -ood s"an5in-= GIRLS: A s"an5in-= A s"an5in-= There is -oin- to Ae a s"an5in- toni-ht= DINGO: And a!ter the s"an5in-? the oral se@4 GIRLS: The oral se@= The oral se@= GALAHAD: .ell? I #o,ld stay a Ait lon-er4 LA&NCELOT: Sir Galahad= GALAHAD: Oh? hello4 LA&NCELOT: F,i#5= GALAHAD: .hat> LA&NCELOT: F,i#5= GALAHAD: .hy> LA&NCELOT: Yo, are in -reat "eril= DINGO: No? he isn7t4 LA&NCELOT: Silen#e? !o,l te'"tress= GALAHAD: Yo, 5no9? she7s -ot a "oint4 LA&NCELOT: Co'e on= .e 9ill #o8er yo,r es#a"e= GALAHAD: Loo5? I7' !ine= LA&NCELOT: Co'e on= GIRLS: Sir Galahad= GALAHAD: No4 Loo5? I #an ta#5le this lot sin-le3handed= DINGO: Yes= Let hi' ta#5le ,s sin-le3handed= GIRLS: Yes= Let hi' ta#5le ,s sin-le3handed= LA&NCELOT: No? Sir Galahad4 Co'e on= GALAHAD: No= Really= Honestly? I #an #o"e4 I #an handle this lot easily4 DINGO: Oh? yes4 Let hi' handle ,s easily4 GIRLS: Yes4 Let hi' handle ,s easily4 LA&NCELOT: No4 F,i#5= F,i#5= GALAHAD: Please= I #an de!eat the'= There7s only a h,ndred3and3!i!ty o! the'= DINGO: Yes= Yes? he 9ill Aeat ,s easily= .e ha8en7t a #han#e4 GIRLS: .e ha8en7t a #han#e4 He 9ill Aeat ,s easily444 ;Aoo'< DINGO: Oh? shit4 LA&NCELOT: .e 9ere in the ni#5 o! ti'e4 Yo, 9ere in -reat "eril4 GALAHAD: I don7t thin5 I 9as4 LA&NCELOT: Yes? yo, 9ere4 Yo, 9ere in terriAle "eril4 GALAHAD: Loo5? let 'e -o Aa#5 in there and !a#e the "eril4 LA&NCELOT: No? it7s too "erilo,s4 GALAHAD: Loo5? it7s 'y d,ty as a 5ni-ht to sa'"le as ',#h "eril as I #an4 LA&NCELOT: No? 9e78e -ot to !ind the Holy Grail4 Co'e on= GALAHAD: Oh? let 'e ha8e B,st a little Ait o! "eril> LA&NCELOT: No4 It7s ,nhealthy4 GALAHAD: I Aet yo,7re -ay4 LA&NCELOT: No? I7' not4

Narrati8e Interl,de
NARRATOR: Sir La,n#elot had sa8ed Sir Galahad !ro' al'ost #ertain te'"tation? A,t they 9ere still no nearer the Grail4 Mean9hile? %in- Arth,r and Sir /ede8ere? not 'ore than a s9allo97s !li-ht a9ay? had dis#o8ered so'ethin-4 Oh? that7s an ,nladen s9allo97s !li-ht? oA8io,sly4 I 'ean? they 9ere 'ore than t9o laden s9allo9s7 !li-hts a9ay33 !o,r? really? i! they had a #o#on,t on a line Aet9een the'4 I 'ean? i! the Airds 9ere 9al5in- and dra--in-33 CRO.D: Get on 9ith it= NARRATOR: Oh? any9ay4 On to s#ene t9enty3!o,r? 9hi#h is a s'ashin- s#ene 9ith so'e lo8ely a#tin-? in 9hi#h Arth,r dis#o8ers a 8ital #l,e? and in 9hi#h there aren7t any s9allo9s? altho,-h I thin5 yo, #an hear a starlin-33 oooh=

S#ene )*
OLD MAN: Heh? hee ha ha hee hee= Hee hee hee ha ha ha444 ARTH&R: And this en#hanter o! 9ho' yo, s"ea5? he has seen the Grail>

OLD MAN: 444Ha ha ha ha= Heh? hee ha ha hee= Ha hee ha= Ha ha ha ha444 ARTH&R: .here does he li8e> OLD MAN: 444Heh heh heh heh444 ARTH&R: Old 'an? 9here does he li8e> OLD MAN: 444Hee ha ha ha4 He 5no9s o! a #a8e? a #a8e 9hi#h no 'an has entered4 ARTH&R: And the Grail4 The Grail is there> OLD MAN: There is ',#h dan-er? !or Aeyond the #a8e lies the Gor-e o! Eternal Peril? 9hi#h no 'an has e8er #rossed4 ARTH&R: /,t the Grail= .here is the Grail>= OLD MAN: See5 yo, the /rid-e o! Death4 ARTH&R: The /rid-e o! Death? 9hi#h leads to the Grail> OLD MAN: Heh? hee hee hee hee= Ha ha ha ha ha= Hee ha ha444

S#ene )1
;s"oo5y ',si#< ;',si# sto"s< HEAD %NIGHT OF NI: Ni= %NIGHTS OF NI: Ni= Ni= Ni= Ni= Ni= ARTH&R: .ho are yo,> HEAD %NIGHT: .e are the %ni-hts .ho Say444 7Ni7= RANDOM: Ni= ARTH&R: No= Not the %ni-hts .ho Say 7Ni7= HEAD %NIGHT: The sa'e= /EDE0ERE: .ho are they> HEAD %NIGHT: .e are the 5ee"ers o! the sa#red 9ords: 7Ni7? 7Pen-7? and 7Neee39o'7= RANDOM: Neee39o'= ARTH&R: Those 9ho hear the' seldo' li8e to tell the tale4 HEAD %NIGHT: The %ni-hts .ho Say 7Ni7 de'and a sa#ri!i#e4 ARTH&R: %ni-hts o! Ni? 9e are A,t si'"le tra8ellers 9ho see5 the en#hanter 9ho li8es Aeyond these 9oods4 HEAD %NIGHT: Ni= %NIGHTS OF NI: Ni= Ni= Ni= Ni= Ni=444 ARTH&R: O9= O9= O9= A-h= HEAD %NIGHT: .e shall say 7ni7 a-ain to yo, i! yo, do not a""ease ,s4 ARTH&R: .ell? 9hat is it yo, 9ant> HEAD %NIGHT: .e 9ant444 a shr,AAery= ;dra'ati# #hord< ARTH&R: A 9hat> %NIGHTS OF NI: Ni= Ni= Ni= Ni= ARTH&R and PARTY: O9= Oh= ARTH&R: Please= Please= No 'ore= .e 9ill !ind yo, a shr,AAery4 HEAD %NIGHT: Yo, ',st ret,rn here 9ith a shr,AAery? or else? yo, 9ill ne8er "ass thro,-h this 9ood444 ali8e4 ARTH&R: O %ni-hts o! Ni? yo, are B,st and !air? and 9e 9ill ret,rn 9ith a shr,AAery4 HEAD %NIGHT: One that loo5s ni#e4 ARTH&R: O! #o,rse4 HEAD %NIGHT: And not too e@"ensi8e4 ARTH&R: Yes4 HEAD %NIGHT: No9444 -o=

Cartoon
;tr,'"ets< CARTOON CHARACTER: H'' h''33 ;Aoo'< Oh= Great s#ott= H'4 H''4 ;Aoo'< H'= H''4 ;','Ale ','Ale ','Ale< ;Aoo'< ;','Ale ','Ale ','Ale< ;Aoo'< ;','Ale ','Ale ','Ale< ;Aoo'< ;','Ale ','Ale ','Ale< ;Aoo'< ;','Ale ','Ale ','Ale< ;Aoo'< ;','Ale ','Ale ','Ale< ;Aoo'< ;','Ale ','Ale ','Ale< ;Aoo'< ;','Ale ','Ale ','Ale< ;Aoo'< Ohh= ;#rash< ;','Ale ','Ale ','Ale< ;Aoo'<

S&N: Ay? ,"= Thsss4 ;Aoo'< Ayy? ,"= ;Aoo'< Thsss4 ;Aoo'< Ayy? ,"= CARTOON CHARACTER: Sto" that= Sto" that= ;Aoo'< S&N: Ay? ,"= CARTOON CHARACTER: Sto" that= ;Aoo'< Loo5 on= Clear o!!= Go on= Go a9ay= Go a9ay= Go a9ay= And yo,= Clear o!!= ;sni!!< S&N: ;','Ale ','Ale ','Ale< ;Aells< CARTOON CHARACTER: Hah4 /loody 9eather4

S#ene )2
NARRATOR: The Tale o! Sir La,n#elot4 FATHER: One day? lad? all this 9ill Ae yo,rs= PRINCE HER/ERT: .hat? the #,rtains> FATHER: No4 Not the #,rtains? lad4 All that yo, #an see? stret#hed o,t o8er the hills and 8alleys o! this land= This7ll Ae yo,r 5in-do'? lad4 HER/ERT: /,t Mother33 FATHER: Father? lad4 Father4 HER/ERT: /33 A33 A,t Father? I don7t 9ant any o! that4 FATHER: Listen? lad4 I A,ilt this 5in-do' ," !ro' nothin-4 .hen I started here? all there 9as 9as s9a'"4 Other 5in-s said I 9as da!t to A,ild a #astle on a s9a'"? A,t I A,ilt it all the sa'e? B,st to sho9 7e'4 It san5 into the s9a'"4 So? I A,ilt a se#ond one4 That san5 into the s9a'"4 So? I A,ilt a third one4 That A,rned do9n? !ell o8er? then san5 into the s9a'"? A,t the !o,rth one444 stayed ,"= And that7s 9hat yo,7re -onna -et? lad: the stron-est #astle in these islands4 HER/ERT: /,t I don7t 9ant any o! that4 I7d rather33 FATHER: Rather 9hat>= HER/ERT: I7d rather444 ;',si#< 444B,st444 sin-= FATHER: Sto" that= Sto" that= Yo,7re not -oin- into a son- 9hile I7' here4 No9 listen? lad4 In t9enty 'in,tes? yo,7re -ettin- 'arried to a -irl 9hose !ather o9ns the Ai--est tra#ts o! o"en land in /ritain4 HER/ERT: /33 A,t I don7t 9ant land4 FATHER: Listen? Ali#e?33 HER/ERT: HerAert4 FATHER: 7ErAert4 .e li8e in a Aloody s9a'"4 .e need all the land 9e #an -et4 HER/ERT: /,t33 A,t I don7t li5e her4 FATHER: Don7t li5e her>= .hat7s 9ron- 9ith her>= She7s Aea,ti!,l4 She7s ri#h4 She7s -ot h,-e444 tra#ts o7 land= HER/ERT: I 5no9? A,t I 9ant the33 the -irl that I 'arry to ha8e444 ;',si#< 444a #ertain?444 s"e#ial444 so'ethin-= FATHER: C,t that o,t= C,t that o,t= Loo5? yo,7re 'arryin- Prin#ess L,#5y? so yo,7d Aetter -et ,sed to the idea= ;s'a#5< G,ards= Ma5e s,re the Prin#e doesn7t lea8e this roo' ,ntil I #o'e and -et hi'4 G&ARD (): Not to lea8e the roo' e8en i! yo, #o'e and -et hi'4 G&ARD (*: Hi#= FATHER: No? no4 &ntil I #o'e and -et hi'4 G&ARD (): &ntil yo, #o'e and -et hi'? 9e7re not to enter the roo'4 FATHER: No? no4 No4 Yo, stay in the roo' and 'a5e s,re he doesn7t lea8e4 G&ARD (): And yo,7ll #o'e and -et hi'4 G&ARD (*: Hi#= FATHER: Ri-ht4 G&ARD (): .e don7t need to do anythin- a"art !ro' B,st sto" hi' enterin- the roo'4 FATHER: No? no4 Lea8in- the roo'4 G&ARD (): Lea8in- the roo'4 Yes4 ;sni!!< FATHER: All ri-ht> G&ARD (): Ri-ht4 G&ARD (*: Hi#= FATHER: Ri-ht4 G&ARD (): Oh? i!33 i!33 i!? ,hh33 i!33 i!33 933 ehh33 i33 i!33 i! 9e33 FATHER: Yes> .hat is it> G&ARD (): Oh? i33 i!33 i33 oh33 FATHER: Loo5? it7s D,ite si'"le4 G&ARD (): &h444 FATHER: Yo, B,st stay here and 'a5e s,re 7e doesn7t lea8e the roo'4 All ri-ht> G&ARD (*: Hi#= FATHER: Ri-ht4 G&ARD (): Oh? I re'e'Aer4 &hh? #an he lea8e the roo' 9ith ,s> FATHER: N33 no? no4 No4 Yo, B,st 5ee" hi' in here and 'a5e s,re he33 G&ARD (): Oh? yes4 .e7ll 5ee" hi' in here? oA8io,sly? A,t i! he had to lea8e and 9e 9ere 9ith hi'33

FATHER: No? no? no? no4 +,st 5ee" hi' in here33 G&ARD (): &ntil yo, or anyone else33 FATHER: No? not anyone else4 +,st 'e4 G&ARD (): +,st yo,4 G&ARD (*: Hi#= FATHER: Get Aa#54 G&ARD (): Get Aa#54 FATHER: All ri-ht> G&ARD (): Ri-ht4 .e7ll stay here ,ntil yo, -et Aa#54 G&ARD (*: Hi#= FATHER: And? ,h? 'a5e s,re he doesn7t lea8e4 G&ARD (): .hat> FATHER: Ma5e s,re 7e doesn7t lea8e4 G&ARD (): The Prin#e> FATHER: Yes4 Ma5e s,re 7e doesn7t lea8e4 G&ARD (): Oh? yes? o! #o,rse4 G&ARD (*: Hi#= G&ARD (): Ah4 I tho,-ht yo, 'eant hi'4 Yo, 5no9? it see'ed a Ait da!t 'e ha8in7 to -,ard hi' 9hen he7s a -,ard4 FATHER: Is that #lear> G&ARD (*: Hi#= G&ARD (): Oh? D,ite #lear4 No "roAle's4 FATHER: Ri-ht4 .here are yo, -oin-> G&ARD (): .e7re #o'in- 9ith yo,4 FATHER: No? no4 I 9ant yo, to stay here and 'a5e s,re 7e doesn7t lea8e4 G&ARD (): Oh? I see4 Ri-ht4 HER/ERT: /,t Father= FATHER: Sh,t yo,r noise? yo,= And -et that s,it on= ;',si#< And no sin-in-= G&ARD (*: Hi#= FATHER: Oh? -o and -et a -lass o! 9ater4 ;#lan5< ;s#riAAle s#riAAle s#riAAle !old !old< ;t9on-<

S#ene )E
LA&NCELOT: .ell ta5en? Con#orde= CONCORDE: Than5 yo,? sir= Most 5ind4 LA&NCELOT: And a-ain= O8er 9e -o= Good4 Steady= And no9? the Ai- one= &,h= Co'e on? Con#orde= ;th9on5< CONCORDE: Messa-e !or yo,? sir4 ;!9,'"< LA&NCELOT: Con#orde= Con#orde= S"ea5 to 'e= 7To 9hoe8er !inds this note: I ha8e Aeen i'"risoned Ay 'y !ather? 9ho 9ishes 'e to 'arry a-ainst 'y 9ill4 Please? "lease? "lease #o'e and res#,e 'e4 I a' in the Tall To9er o! S9a'" Castle47 At last= A #all= A #ry o! distress= This #o,ld Ae the si-n that leads ,s to the Holy Grail= /ra8e? Ara8e Con#orde? yo, shall not ha8e died in 8ain= CONCORDE: &h? I7'33 I7' not D,ite dead? sir4 LA&NCELOT: .ell? yo, shall not ha8e Aeen 'ortally 9o,nded in 8ain= CONCORDE: I33 I33 I thin5 I #33 I #o,ld ",ll thro,-h? sir4 LA&NCELOT: Oh? I see4 CONCORDE: A#t,ally? I thin5 I7' all ri-ht to #o'e 9ith yo,? sir33 LA&NCELOT: No? no? s9eet Con#orde= Stay here= I 9ill send hel" as soon as I ha8e a##o'"lished a darin- and heroi# res#,e in 'y o9n "arti#,lar444 ;si-h< CONCORDE: Idio'? sir> LA&NCELOT: Idio'= CONCORDE: No? I !eel !ine? a#t,ally? sir4 LA&NCELOT: Fare9ell? s9eet Con#orde= CONCORDE: I7ll? ,'33 I7ll B,st stay here? then4 Shall I? sir> Yeah4

S#ene )G
;inside #astle< PRINCESS L&C%Y and GIRLS: ;-i--le -i--le -i--le< ;o,tside #astle< G&EST: 7Mornin-= SENTRY (): 7Mornin-4 SENTRY (*: Oooh4 SENTRY (): ;"too< LA&NCELOT: Ha ha= Hiyya= SENTRY (*: Hey= LA&NCELOT: Hiyya=? Ha=? et#4 PRINCESS L&C%Y and GIRLS: ;-i--le -i--le -i--le< LA&NCELOT: Ha ha= H,y= G&ESTS: &,h= Aaah= LA&NCELOT: Ha ha= And ta5e this= Aah= Hiyah= Aah= Aaah= Hyy= Hya= Hiyya= Ha=444 G&ARD (): No9? yo,7re not allo9ed to enter the roo'33 aa,-h=

LA&NCELOT: O !air one? Aehold yo,r h,'Ale ser8ant? Sir La,n#elot o! Ca'elot4 I ha8e #o'e to ta5e y33 Oh? I7' terriAly sorry4 HER/ERT: Yo, -ot 'y note= LA&NCELOT: &h? 9ell? I33 I -ot a33 a note4 HER/ERT: Yo,78e #o'e to res#,e 'e= LA&NCELOT: &h? 9ell? no4 Yo, see? I hadn7t33 HER/ERT: I 5ne9 so'eone 9o,ld4 I 5ne9 that so'e9here o,t there444 ;',si#< LA&NCELOT: .ell? I33 HER/ERT: 444there ',st Ae444 so'eone444 FATHER: Sto" that= Sto" that= Sto" it= Sto" it= .ho are yo,> HER/ERT: I7' yo,r son= FATHER: No? not yo,4 LA&NCELOT: &h? I a' Sir La,n#elot? sir4 HER/ERT: He7s #o'e to res#,e 'e? Father4 LA&NCELOT: .ell? let7s not B,'" to #on#l,sions4 FATHER: Did yo, 5ill all those -,ards> LA&NCELOT: &h444 Oh? yes4 Sorry4 FATHER: They #ost !i!ty "o,nds ea#h= LA&NCELOT: .ell? I7' a9!,lly sorry4 &'? I really #an e@"lain e8erythin-4 HER/ERT: Don7t Ae a!raid o! hi'? Sir La,n#elot4 I78e -ot a ro"e all ready4 FATHER: Yo, 5illed ei-ht 9eddin- -,ests in all= LA&NCELOT: .ell? ,h? yo, see? the thin- is? I tho,-ht yo,r son 9as a lady4 FATHER: I #an ,nderstand that4 HER/ERT: H,rry? Sir La,n#elot= H,rry= FATHER: Sh,t ,"= Yo, only 5illed the Aride7s !ather? that7s all= LA&NCELOT: .ell? I really didn7t 'ean to444 FATHER: Didn7t 'ean to>= Yo, ",t yo,r s9ord ri-ht thro,-h his head= LA&NCELOT: Oh? dear4 Is he all ri-ht> FATHER: Yo, e8en 5i#5ed the Aride in the #hest= This is -oin- to #ost 'e a !ort,ne= LA&NCELOT: .ell? I #an e@"lain4 I 9as in the !orest? ,'? ridin- north !ro' Ca'elot? 9hen I -ot this note? yo, see33 FATHER: Ca'elot> Are yo, !ro'? ,h? Ca'elot> HER/ERT: H,rry? Sir La,n#elot= LA&NCELOT: &h? I a' a %ni-ht o! %in- Arth,r? sir4 FATHER: 0ery ni#e #astle? Ca'elot4 &h? 8ery -ood "i- #o,ntry4 LA&NCELOT: Is it> HER/ERT: H,rry= I7' ready= FATHER: .o,ld yo,? ,h? li5e to #o'e and ha8e a drin5> LA&NCELOT: .ell? that33 that7s? ,h? a9!,lly ni#e o! yo,?444 HER/ERT: I a' ready= LA&NCELOT: 444,'? I 'ean to Ae so ,nderstandin-4 ;thon5< &'?444 ;9oosh< HER/ERT: Oooh= LA&NCELOT: 444I7' a!raid 9hen I7' in this idio'? I so'eti'es -et a Ait? ,h? sort o! #arried a9ay4 FATHER: Oh? don7t 9orry aAo,t that4 HER/ERT: Oooh= ;s"lat<

S#ene )H
G&ESTS: ;#ryin-< FATHER: .ell? this is the 'ain hall4 .e7re -oin- to ha8e all this 5no#5ed thro,-h and 'ade into one Ai-? ,h? li8in- roo'4 G&EST: There he is= FATHER: Oh? Aloody hell4 ;e@#itin- ',si#< LA&NCELOT: Ha ha ha= Hey= Ha ha= FATHER: Hold it= Sto" it= Hold it= Hold it= Hold it= Hold it= Hold it= Please= LA&NCELOT: Sorry4 Sorry4 Yo, see 9hat I 'ean> I B,st -et #arried a9ay4 I7' really 'ost a9!,lly sorry4 Sorry= Sorry? e8eryone4 G&EST (): He7s 5illed the Aest 'an= G&ESTS: ;yellin-< FATHER: Hold it= Hold it= Please= Hold it= This is Sir La,n#elot !ro' the Co,rt o! Ca'elot? a 8ery Ara8e and in!l,ential 5ni-ht? and 'y s"e#ial -,est here today4 LA&NCELOT: Hello4 G&EST: He 5illed 'y a,ntie= G&ESTS: ;yellin-< FATHER: Please= Please= This is s,""osed to Ae a ha""y o##asion= Let7s not Ai#5er and ar-,e aAo,t 9ho 5illed 9ho4 .e are here today to 9itness the ,nion o! t9o yo,n- "eo"le in the Boy!,l Aond o! the holy 9edlo#54 &n!ort,nately? one o! the'? 'y son HerAert? has B,st !allen to his death4 G&ESTS: Oh= Oh? no= FATHER: /,t I don7t 9ant to thin5 I78e not lost a son? so ',#h as444 -ained a da,-hter= ;#la" #la" #la"< For? sin#e the tra-i# death o! her !ather33 G&EST (*: He7s not D,ite dead= FATHER: Sin#e the near !atal 9o,ndin- o! her !ather33 G&EST (*: He7s -ettin- Aetter= FATHER: For? sin#e her o9n !ather? 9ho? 9hen he see'ed aAo,t to re#o8er? s,ddenly !elt the i#y hand o! death ,"on hi'4 /RIDE7S FATHER: &,-h= G&EST (*: Oh? he7s died=

FATHER: And I 9ant his only da,-hter to loo5 ,"on 'e as her old dad? in a 8ery real and le-ally Aindin- sense4 ;#la" #la" #la"< And I !eel s,re that the 'er-er33 er? the ,nion Aet9een the Prin#ess and the Ara8e? A,t dan-ero,s? Sir La,n#elot o! Ca'elot33 LA&NCELOT: .hat> G&EST (*: Loo5= The dead Prin#e= G&ESTS: Oooh= The dead Prin#e= CONCORDE: He7s not D,ite dead4 HER/ERT: No? I !eel ',#h Aetter4 FATHER: Yo, !ell o,t o! the Tall To9er? yo, #ree"= HER/ERT: No? I 9as sa8ed at the last 'in,te4 FATHER: Ho9>= HER/ERT: .ell? I7ll tell yo,4 ;',si#< FATHER: Not li5e that= Not li5e that= No= Sto" it= G&ESTS: ;sin-in-< He7s -oin- to tell= He7s -oin- to tell=444 FATHER: Sh,t ,,,"= G&ESTS: ;sin-in-< He7s -oin- to tell=444 FATHER: Sh,t ,"= G&ESTS: ;sin-in-< He7s -oin- to tell=444 FATHER: Sh,t ,"= G&ESTS: ;sin-in-< He7s -oin- to tell=444 FATHER: Not li5e that= G&ESTS: ;sin-in-< He7s -oin- to tell= He7s -oin- to tell= He7s -oin- to tell= He7s -oin- to tell=444 CONCORDE: F,i#5ly? sir= G&ESTS: ;sin-in-< He7s -oin- to tell=444 CONCORDE: Co'e this 9ay= G&ESTS: ;sin-in-< He7s -oin- to tell= He7s -oin- to tell=444 LA&NCELOT: No= It7s not ri-ht !or 'y idio'= G&ESTS: ;sin-in-< He7s -oin- to tell aAo,t his -reat es#a"e444 LA&NCELOT: I ',st es#a"e 'ore444 ;si-h< G&ESTS: ;sin-in-< Oh? he !ell a lon-? lon- 9ay?444 CONCORDE: Dra'ati#ally? sir> LA&NCELOT: Dra'ati#ally= G&ESTS: ;sin-in-< /,t he7s here 9ith ,s today444 LA&NCELOT: Heee= Hoa= ;#rash< Hoo= G&ESTS: ;sin-in-< .hat a 9onder!,l es#a"e= LA&NCELOT: E@#,se 'e4 Co,ld? ,h33 #o,ld so'eAody -i8e 'e a ",sh? "lease>

S#ene )I
;%in- Arth,r ',si#< ;#lo" #lo" #lo"< ;re9r= re9r= re9r= re9r= re9r= re9r=< ARTH&R: Old #rone= ;re9r=< ;',si# sto"s< Is there any9here in this to9n 9here 9e #o,ld A,y a shr,AAery> ;dra'ati# #hord< OLD CRONE: .ho sent yo,> ARTH&R: The %ni-hts .ho Say 7Ni74 CRONE: A--h= No= Ne8er= .e ha8e no shr,AAeries here4 ARTH&R: I! yo, do not tell ,s 9here 9e #an A,y a shr,AAery? 'y !riend and I 9ill say444 9e 9ill say444 7ni74 CRONE: A-h= Do yo,r 9orst= ARTH&R: 0ery 9ell= I! yo, 9ill not assist ,s 8ol,ntarily?444 ni= CRONE: No= Ne8er= No shr,AAeries= ARTH&R: Ni= CRONE: ;#o,-h< /EDE0ERE: N,= ARTH&R: No? no? no? no? i33 /EDE0ERE: N,= ARTH&R: No? it7s not that4 It7s 7ni74 /EDE0ERE: N,= ARTH&R: No? no4 7Ni74 Yo,7re not doin- it "ro"erly4 No4 /EDE0ERE: Ni= ARTH&R and /EDE0ERE: Ni= ARTH&R: That7s it4 That7s it4 Yo,78e -ot it4 ARTH&R and /EDE0ERE: Ni= CRONE: Ohh= /EDE0ERE: Ni= ARTH&R: Ni= CRONE: A-h= /EDE0ERE: Ni= ARTH&R: Ni= /EDE0ERE: Ni= ARTH&R: Ni= /EDE0ERE: Ni=

ROGER THE SHR&//ER: Are yo, sayin- 7ni7 to that old 9o'an> ARTH&R: Er'?444 yes4 ROGER: Oh? 9hat sad ti'es are these 9hen "assin- r,!!ians #an say 7ni7 at 9ill to old ladies4 There is a "estilen#e ,"on this land4 Nothin- is sa#red4 E8en those 9ho arran-e and desi-n shr,AAeries are ,nder #onsideraAle e#ono'i# stress at this "eriod in history4 ARTH&R: Did yo, say 7shr,AAeries7> ROGER: Yes4 Shr,AAeries are 'y trade4 I a' a shr,AAer4 My na'e is 7Ro-er the Shr,AAer74 I arran-e? desi-n? and sell shr,AAeries4 /EDE0ERE: Ni= ARTH&R: No= No? no? no= No=

S#ene )J
ARTH&R: O %ni-hts o! Ni? 9e ha8e Aro,-ht yo, yo,r shr,AAery4 May 9e -o no9> HEAD %NIGHT: It is a -ood shr,AAery4 I li5e the la,rels "arti#,larly?444 A,t there is one s'all "roAle'4 ARTH&R: .hat is that> HEAD %NIGHT: .e are no9444 no lon-er the %ni-hts .ho Say 7Ni74 %NIGHTS OF NI: Ni= Shh= HEAD %NIGHT: Shh= .e are no9 the %ni-hts .ho Say 7E#5y3e#5y3e#5y3e#5y3"i5an-3Coo"3Aoin-3-oode'3Coo3o9li3Chi874 RANDOM: Ni= HEAD %NIGHT: There!ore? 9e ',st -i8e yo, a test4 ARTH&R: .hat is this test? O %ni-hts o!33 5ni-hts 9ho till re#ently said 7ni7> HEAD %NIGHT: Firstly? yo, ',st !ind444 another shr,AAery= ;dra'ati# #hord< ARTH&R: Not another shr,AAery= RANDOM: Ni= HEAD %NIGHT: Then? 9hen yo, ha8e !o,nd the shr,AAery? yo, ',st "la#e it here Aeside this shr,AAery? only sli-htly hi-her so yo, -et the t9o3le8el e!!e#t 9ith a little "ath r,nnin- do9n the 'iddle4 %NIGHTS OF NI: A "ath= A "ath= A "ath= Ni= Shh= %ni-hts o! Ni= Ni= Ni= Shh= Shh=444 HEAD %NIGHT: Then? 9hen yo, ha8e !o,nd the shr,AAery? yo, ',st #,t do9n the 'i-htiest tree in the !orest444 9ith444 a herrin-= ;dra'ati# #hord< %NIGHTS OF NI: A herrin-= ARTH&R: .e shall do no s,#h thin-= HEAD %NIGHT: Oh? "lease= ARTH&R: C,t do9n a tree 9ith a herrin-> It #an7t Ae done4 %NIGHTS OF NI: Aaaa,-h= Aaa,-h= HEAD %NIGHT: A,-h= Ohh= Don7t say that 9ord4 ARTH&R: .hat 9ord> HEAD %NIGHT: I #annot tell? s,!!i#e to say is one o! the 9ords the %ni-hts o! Ni #annot hear4 ARTH&R: Ho9 #an 9e not say the 9ord i! yo, don7t tell ,s 9hat it is> %NIGHTS OF NI: Aaaa,-h= HEAD %NIGHT: Yo, said it a-ain= ARTH&R: .hat? 7is7> %NIGHTS OF NI: A-h= No? not 7is74 HEAD %NIGHT: No? not 7is74 Yo, 9o,ldn7t -et 8ary !ar in li!e not sayin- 7is74 %NIGHTS OF NI: No? not 7is74 Not 7is74 /EDE0ERE: My lie-e? it7s Sir RoAin= MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< He is "a#5in- it in and "a#5in- it ," And snea5in- a9ay and A,--erin- ," And #hi#5enin- o,t and "issin- o!! ho'e? Yes? Ara8ely he is thro9in- in the s"on-e4 ARTH&R: Sir RoAin= RO/IN: My lie-e= It7s -ood to see yo,4 HEAD %NIGHT: No9 he7s said the 9ord= ARTH&R: S,rely yo,78e not -i8en ," yo,r D,est !or the Holy Grail> MINSTREL: ;sin-in-< He is snea5in- a9ay and A,--erin- ,"33 RO/IN: Sh,t ,"= No? no4 No4 Far !ro' it4 HEAD %NIGHT: He said the 9ord a-ain= %NIGHTS OF NI: Aaaa,-h= RO/IN: I 9as loo5in- !or it4 %NIGHTS OF NI: Aaaa,-h= RO/IN: &h? here33 here in this !orest4 ARTH&R: No? it is !ar !ro' this "la#e4 %NIGHTS OF NI: Aaaa,-h= HEAD %NIGHT: Aaaa,-h= Sto" sayin- the 9ord= The 9ord444 ARTH&R: Oh? sto" it= HEAD %NIGHT: 4449e #annot hear= O9= He said it a-ain= ARTH&R: Patsy= HEAD %NIGHT: .ait= I said it= I said it= ;#lo" #lo" #lo"< Ooh= I said it a-ain= And there a-ain= That7s three 7it7s= Ohh= %NIGHTS OF NI: Aaaa,-h=444

Narrati8e Interl,de
NARRATOR: And so? Arth,r and /ede8ere and Sir RoAin set o,t on their sear#h to !ind the en#hanter o! 9ho' the old 'an had s"o5en in s#ene t9enty3 !o,r4 /eyond the !orest? they 'et La,n#elot and Galahad? and there 9as ',#h reBoi#in-4 %NIGHTS: Yay= Yay=

;9oosh< NARRATOR: In the !roCen land o! Nador? they 9ere !or#ed to eat RoAin7s 'instrels4 MINSTREL: ;hi-h3"it#hed< Get Aa#5= Eee= NARRATOR: And there 9as ',#h reBoi#in-4 %NIGHTS: Yay= NARRATOR: A year "assed4 CARTOON CHARACTER: ;shi8erin-< NARRATOR: .inter #han-ed into S"rin-4 CARTOON CHARACTER: M''? ni#e4 NARRATOR: S"rin- #han-ed into S,''er4 CARTOON CHARACTER: Oh4 Ahh4 NARRATOR: S,''er #han-ed Aa#5 into .inter?444 CARTOON CHARACTER: Oh> NARRATOR: 444and .inter -a8e S"rin- and S,''er a 'iss and 9ent strai-ht on into A,t,'n4 CARTOON CHARACTER: Aah4 ;sna"< Oh= .aa= NARRATOR: &ntil one day444

S#ene *K
;%in- Arth,r ',si#< ;#lo" #lo" #lo"< ;',si# sto"s< ;Aoo'< %NIGHTS: Eh4 Oh4 See it> Oh4 Oh4 ARTH&R: %ni-hts= For9ard= ;Aoo' Aoo' Aoo' Aoo' Aoo'< ;sD,ea5< ;Aoo' Aoo' Aoo' Aoo'< .hat 'anner o! 'an are yo, that #an s,''on ," !ire 9itho,t !lint or tinder> TIM THE ENCHANTER: I444 a' an en#hanter4 ARTH&R: /y 9hat na'e are yo, 5no9n> TIM: There are so'e 9ho #all 'e444 7Ti'7> ARTH&R: Greetin-s? Ti' the En#hanter4 TIM: Greetin-s? %in- Arth,r= ARTH&R: Yo, 5no9 'y na'e> TIM: I do4 ;Coosh< Yo, see5 the Holy Grail= ARTH&R: That is o,r D,est4 Yo, 5no9 ',#h that is hidden? O Ti'4 TIM: F,ite4 ;"9een- Aoo'< ;#la" #la" #la"< RO/IN: Oh4 ARTH&R: Yes? 9e7re33 9e7re loo5in- !or the Holy Grail4 O,r D,est is to !ind the Holy Grail4 %NIGHTS: Yeah4 Yes4 It is4 It is4 Yeah4 Y,"4 Y,"4 H'4 M'4 ARTH&R: And so? 9e7re33 9e7re33 9e7re loo5in- !or it4 /EDE0ERE: Yes? 9e are4 GALAHAD: Yeah4 RO/IN: .e are4 .e are4 /EDE0ERE: .e ha8e Aeen !or so'e ti'e4 RO/IN: A-es4 /EDE0ERE: &'h'4 ARTH&R: &h33 ,h? so? ,h? anythin- that yo, #o,ld do to? ,h33 to hel"444 9o,ld Ae444 8ery444 hel"!,l4 GALAHAD: Loo5? #an yo, tell ,s 9here33 ;Aoo'< ARTH&R: Fine4 &'? I don7t 9ant to 9aste any 'ore o! yo,r ti'e? A,t? ,h? I don7t s,""ose yo, #o,ld? ,h? tell ,s 9here 9e 'i-ht !ind a? ,'33 !ind a? ,h33 a? ,'33 a? ,h33 TIM: A 9hat444> ARTH&R: A -33 a33 a -33 a -33 a33 a -33 TIM: A -rail>= ARTH&R: Yes4 I thin5 so4 RO/IN: Y33 y33 yes4 ARTH&R: Yes4 GALAHAD: Y,"4 %NIGHTS: That7s it444 TIM: Yes= RO/IN: Oh4 ARTH&R: Oh4 Than5 yo,4 RO/IN: Ahh4 GALAHAD: Oh4 Fine4 ARTH&R: Than5 yo,4 RO/IN: S"lendid4 %NIGHTS: Aah444 ;Aoo' "9een- Aoo' Aoo'< ARTH&R: Loo5? ,'? yo,7re a A,sy 'an? ,h33

TIM: Yes? I #an hel" yo, !ind the Holy Grail4 %NIGHTS: Oh? than5 yo,4 Oh444 TIM: To the north there lies a #a8e33 the #a8e o! CaerAanno-33 9herein? #ar8ed in 'ysti# r,nes ,"on the 8ery li8in- ro#5? the last 9ords o! Ol!in /ed9ere o! Rhe-ed444 ;Aoo'< 444'a5e "lain the last restin- "la#e o! the 'ost Holy Grail4 ARTH&R: .here #o,ld 9e !ind this #a8e? O Ti'> TIM: Follo94 /,t= Follo9 only i! ye Ae 'en o! 8alo,r? !or the entran#e to this #a8e is -,arded Ay a #reat,re so !o,l? so #r,el that no 'an yet has !o,-ht 9ith it and li8ed= /ones o! !,ll !i!ty 'en lie stre9n aAo,t its lair4 So? Ara8e 5ni-hts? i! yo, do do,At yo,r #o,ra-e or yo,r stren-th? #o'e no !,rther? !or death a9aits yo, all 9ith nasty? Ai-? "ointy teeth4 ARTH&R: .hat an e##entri# "er!or'an#e4

S#ene *)
;#lo" #lo" #lo"< ;9hinny 9hinny< GALAHAD: They7re ner8o,s? sire4 ARTH&R: Then 9e7d Aest lea8e the' here and #arry on on !oot4 Dis3'o,nt= TIM: /ehold the #a8e o! CaerAanno-= ARTH&R: Ri-ht= %ee" 'e #o8ered4 GALAHAD: .hat 9ith> ARTH&R: .33 B,st 5ee" 'e #o8ered4 TIM: Too late= ;dra'ati# #hord< ARTH&R: .hat> TIM: There he is= ARTH&R: .here> TIM: There= ARTH&R: .hat? Aehind the raAAit> TIM: It is the raAAit4 ARTH&R: Yo, silly sod= TIM: .hat> ARTH&R: Yo, -ot ,s all 9or5ed ,"= TIM: .ell? that7s no ordinary raAAit= ARTH&R: Ohh4 TIM: That7s the 'ost !o,l? #r,el? and Aad3te'"ered rodent yo, e8er set eyes on= RO/IN: Yo, tit= I soiled 'y ar'o,r I 9as so s#ared= TIM: Loo5? that raAAit7s -ot a 8i#io,s strea5 a 'ile 9ide= It7s a 5iller= GALAHAD: Get st,!!ed= TIM: He7ll do yo, ," a treat? 'ate4 GALAHAD: Oh? yeah> RO/IN: Yo, 'an-y S#ots -it= TIM: I7' 9arnin- yo,= RO/IN: .hat7s he do? niAAle yo,r A,'> TIM: He7s -ot h,-e? shar"33 eh33 he #an lea" aAo,t33 loo5 at the Aones= ARTH&R: Go on? /ors4 Cho" his head o!!= /ORS: Ri-ht= Silly little Aleeder4 One raAAit ste9 #o'in7 ri-ht ,"= TIM: Loo5= ;sD,ea5< /ORS: Aaa,-h= ;dra'ati# #hord< ;#l,n5< ARTH&R: +es,s Christ= TIM: I 9arned yo,= RO/IN: I done it a-ain= TIM: I 9arned yo,? A,t did yo, listen to 'e> Oh? no? yo, 5ne9 it all? didn7t yo,> Oh? it7s B,st a har'less little A,nny? isn7t it> .ell? it7s al9ays the sa'e4 I al9ays tell the'33 ARTH&R: Oh? sh,t ,"= TIM: Do they listen to 'e> ARTH&R: Ri-ht= TIM: Oh? no444 %NIGHTS: Char-e= ;sD,ea5 sD,ea5 sD,ea5< %NIGHTS: Aaaa,-h=? Aaa,-h=? et#4 ARTH&R: R,n a9ay= R,n a9ay= %NIGHTS: R,n a9ay= R,n a9ay=444 TIM: Ha ha ha ha= Ha ha9 ha9= Ha= Ha ha= ARTH&R: Ri-ht4 Ho9 'any did 9e lose> LA&NCELOT: Ga9ain4 GALAHAD: E#tor4 ARTH&R: And /ors4 That7s !i8e4 GALAHAD: Three? sir4 ARTH&R: Three4 Three4 And 9e7d Aetter not ris5 another !rontal assa,lt4 That raAAit7s dyna'ite4 RO/IN: .o,ld it hel" to #on!,se it i! 9e r,n a9ay 'ore> ARTH&R: Oh? sh,t ," and -o and #han-e yo,r ar'o,r4 GALAHAD: Let ,s ta,nt it= It 'ay Ae#o'e so #ross that it 9ill 'a5e a 'ista5e4 ARTH&R: Li5e 9hat> GALAHAD: .ell444 ooh4

LA&NCELOT: Ha8e 9e -ot Ao9s> ARTH&R: No4 LA&NCELOT: .e ha8e the Holy Hand Grenade4 ARTH&R: Yes? o! #o,rse= The Holy Hand Grenade o! Antio#h= 7Tis one o! the sa#red reli#s /rother Maynard #arries 9ith hi'= /rother Maynard= /rin- ," the Holy Hand Grenade= MON%S: ;#hantin-< Pie Ies, do'ine? dona eis reD,ie'4 Pie Ies, do'ine? dona eis reD,ie'4 Pie Ies, do'ine? dona eis reD,ie'4 Pie Ies, do'ine? dona eis reD,ie'4 ARTH&R: Ho9 does it? ,'33 ho9 does it 9or5> LA&NCELOT: I 5no9 not? 'y lie-e4 ARTH&R: Cons,lt the /oo5 o! Ar'a'ents= /ROTHER MAYNARD: Ar'a'ents? #ha"ter t9o? 8erses nine to t9enty3one4 SECOND /ROTHER: And Saint Attila raised the hand -renade ," on hi-h? sayin-? 7O Lord? Aless this Thy hand -renade that? 9ith it? Tho, 'ayest Alo9 Thine ene'ies to tiny Aits in Thy 'er#y47 And the Lord did -rin? and the "eo"le did !east ,"on the la'As and sloths and #ar" and an#ho8ies and oran-,tans and Area5!ast #ereals and !r,it Aats and lar-e #h,33 MAYNARD: S5i" a Ait? /rother4 SECOND /ROTHER: And the Lord s"a5e? sayin-? 7First shalt tho, ta5e o,t the Holy Pin4 Then? shalt tho, #o,nt to three4 No 'ore4 No less4 Three shalt Ae the n,'Aer tho, shalt #o,nt? and the n,'Aer o! the #o,ntin- shall Ae three4 Fo,r shalt tho, not #o,nt? nor either #o,nt tho, t9o? e@#e"tin- that tho, then "ro#eed to three4 Fi8e is ri-ht o,t4 On#e the n,'Aer three? Aein- the third n,'Aer? Ae rea#hed? then? loAAest tho, thy Holy Hand Grenade o! Antio#h to9ards thy !oe? 9ho? Aein- na,-hty in My si-ht? shall sn,!! it47 MAYNARD: A'en4 %NIGHTS: A'en4 ARTH&R: Ri-ht= One=444 T9o=444 Fi8e= GALAHAD: Three? sir= ARTH&R: Three= ;an-els sin-< ;Aoo'<

S#ene **
ARTH&R: There= Loo5= LA&NCELOT: .hat does it say> GALAHAD: .hat lan-,a-e is that> ARTH&R: /rother Maynard= Yo, are a s#holar4 MAYNARD: It7s Ara'ai#= GALAHAD: O! #o,rse= +ose"h o! Ari'athea= LA&NCELOT: 7Co,rse= ARTH&R: .hat does it say> MAYNARD: It reads? 7Here 'ay Ae !o,nd the last 9ords o! +ose"h o! Ari'athea4 He 9ho is 8aliant and ",re o! s"irit 'ay !ind the Holy Grail in the Castle o! aaaaaa---h74 ARTH&R: .hat> MAYNARD: 7444The Castle o! aaaaaa---h74 /EDE0ERE: .hat is that> MAYNARD: He ',st ha8e died 9hile #ar8in- it4 LA&NCELOT: Oh? #o'e on= MAYNARD: .ell? that7s 9hat it says4 ARTH&R: Loo5? i! he 9as dyin-? he 9o,ldn7t Aother to #ar8e 7aaaaa--h74 He7d B,st say it= MAYNARD: .ell? that7s 9hat7s #ar8ed in the ro#5= GALAHAD: Perha"s he 9as di#tatin-4 ARTH&R: Oh? sh,t ,"4 .ell? does it say anythin- else> MAYNARD: No4 +,st 7aaaaaa---h74 LA&NCELOT: Aaaa,,---h4 ARTH&R: Aaaaa--h4 /EDE0ERE: Do yo, s,""ose he 'eant the Ca'aaaaaar-,e> GALAHAD: .here7s that> /EDE0ERE: Fran#e? I thin54 LA&NCELOT: Isn7t there a 7Saint Aaa,,8es7 in Corn9all> ARTH&R: No? that7s 7Saint I8es74 LA&NCELOT: Oh? yes4 Saint Iiiii8es4 %NIGHTS: Iiiii8es4 /EDE0ERE: Oooohoohohooo= LA&NCELOT: No? no4 7Aaaa,,---h7? at the Aa#5 o! the throat4 Aaa,,-h4 /EDE0ERE: N33 no4 No? no? no? no4 7Oooooooh7? in s,r"rise and alar'4 LA&NCELOT: Oh? yo, 'ean sort o! a 7aaaah7= /EDE0ERE: Yes? A,t I33 aaaaaah= ARTH&R: Oooh= GALAHAD: My God= ;dra'ati# #hord< ;roar< MAYNARD: It7s the le-endary /la#5 /east o! Aaa,,-h= ;/la#5 /east o! Aaa,,-h eats /ROTHER MAYNARD< /EDE0ERE: That7s it= That7s it= ARTH&R: R,n a9ay= %NIGHTS: R,n a9ay= ;roar< R,n a9ay= R,n a9aaay= R,n a9aaaaay= ;roar< %ee" r,nnin-=

;Aoo'< ;roar< Shh= Shh= Shh= Shh= Shh= Shh= Shh= Shh=444 /EDE0ERE: .e78e lost hi'4 ;roar< %NIGHTS: Aa-h= NARRATOR: As the horrendo,s /la#5 /east l,n-ed !or9ard? es#a"e !or Arth,r and his 5ni-hts see'ed ho"eless? 9hen s,ddenly? the ani'ator s,!!ered a !atal heart atta#54 ANIMATOR: &l5= ;th,'"< NARRATOR: The #artoon "eril 9as no 'ore4 The D,est !or Holy Grail #o,ld #ontin,e4

S#ene *1
;-,r-le< GALAHAD: There it is= ARTH&R: The /rid-e o! Death= RO/IN: Oh? -reat4 ARTH&R: Loo5= There7s the old 'an !ro' s#ene t9enty3!o,r= /EDE0ERE: .hat is he doin- here> ARTH&R: He is the 5ee"er o! the /rid-e o! Death4 He as5s ea#h tra8eller !i8e D,estions33 GALAHAD: Three D,estions4 ARTH&R: Three D,estions4 He 9ho ans9ers the !i8e D,estions33 GALAHAD: Three D,estions4 ARTH&R: Three D,estions 'ay #ross in sa!ety4 RO/IN: .hat i! yo, -et a D,estion 9ron-> ARTH&R: Then yo, are #ast into the Gor-e o! Eternal Peril4 RO/IN: Oh? I 9on7t -o4 GALAHAD: .ho7s -oin- to ans9er the D,estions> ARTH&R: Sir RoAin= RO/IN: Yes> ARTH&R: /ra8e Sir RoAin? yo, -o4 RO/IN: Hey= I78e -ot a -reat idea4 .hy doesn7t La,n#elot -o> LA&NCELOT: Yes4 Let 'e -o? 'y lie-e4 I 9ill ta5e hi' sin-le3handed4 I shall 'a5e a !eint to the north3east that s33 ARTH&R: No? no4 No4 Han- on= Han- on= Han- on= +,st ans9er the !i8e D,estions33 GALAHAD: Three D,estions4 ARTH&R: Three D,estions as Aest yo, #an? and 9e shall 9at#h444 and "ray4 LA&NCELOT: I ,nderstand? 'y lie-e4 ARTH&R: Good l,#5? Ara8e Sir La,n#elot4 God Ae 9ith yo,4 /RIDGE%EEPER: Sto"= .ho 9o,ld #ross the /rid-e o! Death ',st ans9er 'e these D,estions three? ere the other side he see4 LA&NCELOT: As5 'e the D,estions? Arid-e5ee"er4 I a' not a!raid4 /RIDGE%EEPER: .hat444 is yo,r na'e> LA&NCELOT: My na'e is 7Sir La,n#elot o! Ca'elot74 /RIDGE%EEPER: .hat444 is yo,r D,est> LA&NCELOT: To see5 the Holy Grail4 /RIDGE%EEPER: .hat444 is yo,r !a8o,rite #olo,r> LA&NCELOT: /l,e4 /RIDGE%EEPER: Ri-ht4 O!! yo, -o4 LA&NCELOT: Oh? than5 yo,4 Than5 yo, 8ery ',#h4 RO/IN: That7s easy= /RIDGE%EEPER: Sto"= .ho a""roa#heth the /rid-e o! Death ',st ans9er 'e these D,estions three? ere the other side he see4 RO/IN: As5 'e the D,estions? Arid-e5ee"er4 I7' not a!raid4 /RIDGE%EEPER: .hat444 is yo,r na'e> RO/IN: 7Sir RoAin o! Ca'elot74 /RIDGE%EEPER: .hat444 is yo,r D,est> RO/IN: To see5 the Holy Grail4 /RIDGE%EEPER: .hat444 is the #a"ital o! Assyria> ;"a,se< RO/IN: I don7t 5no9 that= A,,,,,,,,-h= /RIDGE%EEPER: Sto"= .hat444 is yo,r na'e> GALAHAD: 7Sir Galahad o! Ca'elot74 /RIDGE%EEPER: .hat444 is yo,r D,est> GALAHAD: I see5 the Grail4 /RIDGE%EEPER: .hat444 is yo,r !a8o,rite #olo,r> GALAHAD: /l,e4 No? yel33 a,,,,,,,,-h= /RIDGE%EEPER: Hee hee heh4 Sto"= .hat444 is yo,r na'e> ARTH&R: It is 7Arth,r7? %in- o! the /ritons4 /RIDGE%EEPER: .hat444 is yo,r D,est> ARTH&R: To see5 the Holy Grail4 /RIDGE%EEPER: .hat444 is the air3s"eed 8elo#ity o! an ,nladen s9allo9> ARTH&R: .hat do yo, 'ean> An A!ri#an or E,ro"ean s9allo9> /RIDGE%EEPER: H,h> I33 I don7t 5no9 that4 A,,,,,,,,-h= /EDE0ERE: Ho9 do 5no9 so ',#h aAo,t s9allo9s> ARTH&R: .ell? yo, ha8e to 5no9 these thin-s 9hen yo,7re a 5in-? yo, 5no94 ;s,s"ense!,l ',si#< ;',si# s,ddenly sto"s< ;inter'ission< ;s,s"ense!,l ',si# res,'es<

S#ene *2
ARTH&R: La,n#elot= La,n#elot= La,n#elot= /EDE0ERE: La,n#elot= La,n#elot= ARTH&R: La,n#elot= ;"oli#e radio< La,n#elot= /EDE0ERE: La,n#elot= La,n#elot= ;an-els sin-< ;sin-in- sto"s< ;ethereal ',si#< ARTH&R: The Castle Aaaa-h4 O,r D,est is at an end= God Ae "raised= Al'i-hty God? 9e than5 Thee that Tho, hast 8o,#hsa!ed to ,s the 'ost holy33 ;t9on-< ;Aaaaa< +es,s Christ= ;th,d< FRENCH G&ARD: Allo? da""y En-lish 53ni--ets and Monsie,r Arth,r %in-? 9ho has the Arain o! a d,#5? yo, 5no94 So? 9e Fren#h !ello9s o,t9it yo, a se#ond ti'e= ARTH&R: Ho9 dare yo, "ro!ane this "la#e 9ith yo,r "resen#e= I #o''and yo,? in the na'e o! the %ni-hts o! Ca'elot? to o"en the doors o! this sa#red #astle? to 9hi#h God Hi'sel! has -,ided ,s= FRENCH G&ARD: Ho9 yo, En-lish say? 7I one 'ore ti'e? 'a#? ,n#lo- 'y nose in yo,r dire#tion7? sons o! a 9indo93dresser= So? yo, thin5 yo, #o,ld o,t3#le8er ,s Fren#h !ol5 9ith yo,r silly 5nees3Aent r,nnin- aAo,t ad8an#in- Aeha8ior>= I 9a8e 'y "ri8ate "arts at yo,r a,nties? yo, #heesy lot o! se#ond hand ele#tri# don5ey3Aotto' Aiters4 ARTH&R: In the na'e o! the Lord? 9e de'and entran#e to this sa#red #astle= FRENCH G&ARD: No #han#e? En-lish Aed39ettin- ty"es4 I A,rst 'y "i'"les at yo, and #all yo,r door3o"enin- reD,est a silly thin-? yo, tiny3Arained 9i"ers o! other "eo"le7s Aotto's= ARTH&R: I! yo, do not o"en this door? 9e shall ta5e this #astle Ay !or#e= ;s"lat< In the na'e o! God and the -lory o! o,r33 ;s"lat< FRENCH G&ARDS: ;la,-hin-< ARTH&R: A-h4 Ri-ht= That settles it= FRENCH G&ARD: Yes? de"art a lot at this ti'e and #,t the a""roa#hin- any 'ore? or 9e !ire arro9s at the to"s o! yo,r heads and 'a5e #astanets o,t o! yo,r testi#les already= Ha ha haaa ha= ARTH&R: .al5 a9ay4 +,st i-nore the'4 FRENCH G&ARD: And no9? re'ain -one? ille-iti'ate3!a#ed A,--er3!ol5= And? i! yo, thin5 yo, -ot a nasty ta,ntin- this ti'e? yo, ain7t heard nothinyet? da""y En-lish 53nnni--ets= Th"""t= FRENCH G&ARDS: ;ta,ntin-< ARTH&R: .e shall atta#5 at on#e= /EDE0ERE: Yes? 'y lie-e= ARTH&R: Stand Ay !or atta#5= ;e@#itin- ',si#< ;',si# sto"s< ;silen#e< Fren#h "ersons= FRENCH G&ARDS: ;ta,ntin-< 444Da""y=444 ARTH&R: Today the Alood o! 'any a 8aliant 5ni-ht shall Ae a8en-ed4 In the na'e o! God?444 FRENCH G&ARDS: Hoo hoo= Ohh? ha ha ha ha ha=444 ARTH&R: 4449e shall not sto" o,r !i-ht till ea#h one o! yo, lies dead and the Holy Grail ret,rns to those 9ho' God has #hosen= FRENCH G&ARDS: 444Ha ha ha=444 ARTH&R: Char-e= ARMY OF %NIGHTS: Hooray= ;"oli#e siren< HISTORIAN7S .IFE: Yes? they7re the ones4 I7' s,re4 INSPECTOR: Co'e on4 AnyAody ar'ed ',st -o? too4 OFFICER (): All ri-ht4 Co'e on4 /a#54 HISTORIAN7S .IFE: Get that one4 OFFICER (): /a#54 Ri-ht a9ay4 +,st444 ",ll it o!!4 Co'e on4 Co'e alon-4 INSPECTOR: P,t this 'an in the 8an4 OFFICER (): Clear o!!4 Co'e on4 /EDE0ERE: .ith 9ho'> INSPECTOR: .hi#h one> OFFICER (): Oh33 this one4 INSPECTOR: Co'e on4 P,t hi' in the 8an4 OFFICER (*: Get a Alan5et4 OFFICER (): .e ha8e no hos"ital4 RANDOM: Ahh4 ;sD,ea5< RANDOM: Ooh4 OFFICER (): Co'e on4 /a#54 Riii-ht Aa#54 Co'e on= OFFICER (*: R,n alon-= R,n alon-= OFFICER (): P,ll that o!!4 My? that7s an o!!ensi8e 9ea"on? that is4 OFFICER (*: Co'e on4 /a#5 9ith 7e'4 /a#54 Ri-ht4 Co'e alon-4 INSPECTOR: E8erythin-> ;sD,ea5< OFFICER (): All ri-ht? sonny4 That7s eno,-h4 +,st "a#5 that in4 ;#rash< CAMERAMAN: Christ=