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dariuslanghoff
Reviews
The Tank (2017)
The Tank Is Empty
Basically everything what might be is wrong with this picture. Any in-depth analysis would be an undeserved flatter.
1. The premise is hard to define if there is any.
2. The plot stumbles, stutters and staggers with no rhyme nor reason.
3. The acting is horrendously incompetent.
4. Music there is none - just noises.
5. The resolution does not resolve anything and tends to the incomprehensible.
One may get to like however, the scene where a gangrenous leg is impromptu amputated by means of an electric non-surgical knife. But this belongs rather to WRONG TURN series than to sci-fi genre.
Scent of Mystery (1960)
Stink Plus Celluloid
THE SCENT OF MYSTERY was brought in 1960 by Mike Todd. It was a 70 mm Technicolor thriller made in the new process of "Smell-O-Vision". The scents used - which ranged from ozone, pipe tobacco, garlic and oil, to paint, pine, wood shavings and boot polish - were piped to each individual cinema seat on cue from the "smell-track" of the film.
However, the first film officially made as "smelly" was a wide-screen travelogue about India called BEHIND THE GREAT WALL (1929). It premiered at the DeMille Theater in New York and was accompanied by 72 smells that included incense, smoke, burning pitch, oranges, spices and a barnyard of geese. The scents were circulated thought the ventilating system.
200 Degrees (2017)
Not Hot Enough
I like minimalist motion pictures. This appears to be one of such a kind: one man, one room, a few other voices. A man, a broker, is locked up in an oven for a reason unknown, but a menacing voice demands from him one million dollars unless he becomes an overcooked tart. He does not have such the sum but is given time to find and transfer it.
The man is not incommunicado - he has a phone and can call whoever he wants which includes his brother a cop, his mother, his business partners. What strikes the viewer during his phone talks is the tone of the voice of his interlocutors: strangely detached and disinterested, although help is offered.
All hinged on what and how would be constructed on the basis of a not-too-original premise. Devilish disembodied voice taxing the trapped anti-hero, foreboding music created some tension and mysterious atmosphere. Unluckily, about 45 minutes into the movie the script runs out of ideas and sees no direction where it should go. The phone exchanges become sillier and sillier and even the "voice" veers from one unsubstantial comment to another.
I guessed the ending half way through the film - the hero's family has arranged that whole ordeal for him - and I was wishing I would be proved wrong because then this might be something not quite worthless. But I was right and there the laughable closing coda disintegrates whatever of value was presented earlier.
However, there is a little twist at the end: don't swindle a swindler.
The Rift: Dark Side of the Moon (2016)
As Bad As It Gets
Hardly ever does one come across such a spectacular example of what cinema should not be. Talking too much about this misconceived film would be wasting oxygen. Thus, I just enumerate shortly its principal flaws.
1. The script, story, plot make no sense whatsoever.
2. The acting almost unanimously is horrendously bad - probably the "actor" who portrays agent Smith is even worse than the rest.
3. The dialog is nefariously abysmal - never heard such brainless vocal emanations.
4. The camera-work is shaky, amateurish, wrongly framed.
5. This attempts to be simultaneously a horror and a science fiction film failing in both departments.
6. The English subtitles are paraphrases of what is actually spoken.
The only reason I give it TWO stars and not one is the end credits song, which is agreeable.
The Fisher King (1991)
King of Depression
With so many reviews before I will contribute mine in a very brief fashion. I consider this Terry Gilliam's motion picture highly overrated. I cannot imagine anyone in their right mind would want to watch it more than once - and even single viewing is an ordeal in this case.
Jeff Bridges looking for redemption and Robin Williams as a "bum" who helps him find it. This is a film that is calculated to appeal to trendy "Thirty- Fourtysomethings." I find it one big bore, but then again, perhaps I just like to think young !
In the Line of Duty: Street War (1992)
Mediocre TV Blaxploitation
This movie is dedicated to NYC policemen who are killed as they try to get the goods on the gunrunners and crack dealers who, like cockroaches, seem to multiply faster than they can be stamped out.
The story tells of two officers who hold an arrest record: Raymond (Mario van Peebles) and Robert (Michael Boatman). When one of them is brutally murdered the other embarks on a personal quest for justice - in best Charles Bronson fashion.
Realism is not a keynote here, but if you enjoy an undemanding old fashioned cops and crims film then you may find this right up your dark alley.
Shadowchaser (1992)
Non-Stop Mayhem
Sometimes you get the chance to clap eyes on a little cracker of a "B" movie that is better than most "A" releases. This one is as much fun as UNIVERSAL SOLDIER, though obviously put together om a much lower budget.
The titular project has scientists developing a super soldier android named Romulus, who has muscles in places that most of us do not even have places. He is big, bad, blonde, and on a rampage after escaping from the research facility where he was created.
Cut to a quiet evening in a hospital where two emergency cases are admitted, and all hell breaks loose when then patients and their orderlies start to shoot everyone in sight. The intruders turn out to be terrorists who intend to take hostage the President's daughter, who is being treated in the hospital.
The FBI nips along to a nearby cryogenics laboratory to thaw out the architect who designed the hospital building to help them find a secret way in. Unfortunately a wrong man is defrosted: a football player who was put on ice for an accidental homicide. He becomes the unwilling hero of the movie, which unfurls with all the thud and blunder of DIE HARD meets THE TERMINATOR.
The action scenes are well staged and the plot has some surprises. If you are after a film pulsating with continuous action, then this is definitely one worth chasing...
Blue Ice (1992)
Daft and Contrived
As a bespectacled spy Michael Caine established a firm reputation as a low-key but determined government agent in FUNERAL IN BERLIN and MILLION DOLLAR BRAIN. Now he is Harry Sanders, a former MI6 agent trying to lead a quiet, unruffled existence as the owner of a seedy jazz club in Soho. Then Stacy, the glamorous wife of an Amnerican diplomat, bumps into his vehicle before moving into his bed.
Before you can say "Hellzapoppin", Harry is up to his neck in a murder mystery following Stacy's plea to help in tracing a bothersome lover. The 'lover' turns out to be involved in a shady arms deal. Harry's old mate Detective Osgood is killed after a stakeout. As if things were not bad enough, the Old Bill thinks the whole affair is Harry's fault, and somebody intends to torture him for that ha has learned...
There have been dafter plots, but seldom can they have felt so contrived as this. Sean Young seems too remarkably composed to have willingly thrown herself into the arms of a man so down-at-heel as Harry. Caine's talent is in keeping the audience's eyes on him while all the nonsense is going on around him, and he manages to steal all the best quips. The whole picture as such however, is far from being rewarding.
Immaculate Conception (1992)
Not About the Virgin Mary
This is an unusual and intriguing study of a woman's desperation to have a child, set against the background of Pakistan.
Stiff upper lip Brit James Wilby plays an employee of the World Wildlife Organization who's married to blonde American senator's daughter Hannah (Melissa Leo). The pair, despite several efforts, are increasingly frustrated in their attempts to have a child, and partly out of curiosity, partly out of desperation, Hannah explores possible "folk" remedies to her problem.
Her photographer friend Shamira introduces he to a shrine run by eunuchs which claims to cure infertility. Hannah is encouraged to bring her husband for the weekend. James reluctantly agrees and to their delight she becomes pregnant shortly after. But the sect decides to stake an unwelcome claim on Hannah's child, especially when it is revealed how the "miracle" took place.
Although it takes an unconscionable time to get going, this is a new approach to a timeless theme. The cinematography and use of Karachi locations are breathtaking, and the screenplay audaciously tackles issues of racism and interracial sex.
Wilby is convincing as the harassed environmentalist observing helplessly as a nightmarish scenario unravels around him, while Melissa Leo is as attractive as fearless playing the fatally flawed Hannah encumbered by her maternal desires.
A tat too long, but worth the time.
Teleios (2017)
Im(Perfection)
In the beginning two things attracted my attention and caused me to examine this movie: the poster, which is graphically original, and the title which is incomprehensible, unless you are familiar with Greek. After looking it up I learned TELEOIS stands for "perfection". So, my artistic sense was pleased, my linguistic knowledge increased - so far, so good.
Then the time came to watch the film. Knowing its budget was limited I did not expect fireworks of production values, but it not necessarily makes a good sci-fi picture an impossibility. One spacecraft with a crew of 5 is sent to investigate the demise of the crew of another space vessel. A premise more than satisfactory. A certain parallel with EVENT HORIZON (1997) may by seen here, though the Paul W.S. Anderson's work itself is hardly original, as it borrows heavily from NIGHTLYERS (1987).
The rest, with very few exceptions, is sorrowfully miscarried. The direction seems to be almost absent, or present at its incompetent worst. Majority of the actors are so lame it seems their acting lessons had the form of a correspondence course. Especially Lance Broadway, T.J. Hoban and Christian Pitre deliver performances of abysmally bad quality.
However, Ursula Mills makes Lulu AH 320 an interesting robotic character. And then there's is ravishing Sunny Mabrey who can act and can bring some conviction to her lines, her final speech sounds quite poignant and dramatic, but it is not enough to save the misbegotten movie. More than a decade passed since she appeared in SPECIES 3 where she had little to say and served mostly as a nude window dressing. Now she is an accomplished actress and deserves much better roles.
The costumes represent an utter lack of visual taste. And it would have sufficed to remove those hideous frontal brown areas, otherwise they are nicely female figure hugging.
In summarum, this motion picture is worth viewing only for Ms Mabrey, other reasons are extremely difficult to be found. On second thoughts, some might be tempted to see Michael Nouri in his brief video transmissions to notice how he has aged since the time of FLASHDANCE (1983).
The Terminal Man (1974)
Computer Brain Breaks Down
It is an engaging, if cold hearted 1974 science-fiction movie penned by Michael Crichton, the doctor-turned-author responsible for such successes as THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN, WESTWORLD and COMA.
George Segal stars as an computer scientist who has an electronic pacemaker inserted in his brain to prevent him from having epileptic fits. But something malfunctions and the device transforms him to a robotic killer.
This is a fascinating story, well photographed by Mike (GET CARTER) Hodges. Unfortunately, it disintegrates at the end with a disappointing climax. Still, it is a good movie.
Shadowhunter (1993)
Murderous Indian
It is a solid supernatural thriller set in Navajo Indian country - an atmospheric movie. Scott Glenn is a gloomy homicide detective named Cain sent to Indian country to apprehend Nakai Twobear, a serial killer who appears to possess supernatural powers.
What looks like a routine transportation job turns into a nightmare when Cain subdues to his prisoner's hypnotic influence. Swerving to avoid an imaginary Indian on the road, he comes round in hospital to discover that Twobear escaped into the wilderness. Wanting to rectify his error, Cain joins a posse that sets off to recapture him. But as the team moves deeper into unknown territory, the hunters become the hunted...
Although the film contains some grisly murder scenes, it mostly focuses on constructing believable characters and creating tense suspense sequences. The romantic subplot about the burgeoning relationship between the detective and fetch-able fellow tracker Angela Alvarado does not thwart the drama.
The desert and mountain scenery is breathtaking. The movie falls into cliché now and then, with a few dream sequences envisaged to jolt the viewer. But, it does not resort to any boring HALLOWEEN-like ending where the murderer keeps coming back to life.
This is a good picture - and I am not speaking in forked tongues.
Mystery Date (1991)
Between Genres
Uneasily set between two genres, Mystery Date begins as a teen comedy, then becomes a thriller full of guns, explosions and sinister villainy. Tom (Ethan Hawke) a lost, not-so-happy teenager perpetually overshadowed by his suave, good-looking elder bro Craig. Tom dreams of a rendez-vous with the beautiful girl next door Geena (Teri Polo), but cannot even bring himself to say hello.
Things are to change when Tom's parents are away for a weekend and Craig pays a surprise visit. He calls Geena and arranges a date for Tom. Then turns Tom into the virtual image of himself: hipness incarnate. At Craig's suggestion, Tom calls for a limousine which does not arrive. So Tom borrows his brother's cool car.
The date kicks off wonderfully. Geena is nice smart and pretty, and she seems to really like Tom. But wherever they go, strange things happen. Women slap Tom and men threaten to beat him up - all mistaking him for Craig. Then matters turn truly ugly when Tom finds an armed corpse in the trunk of his brother's car.
For the most part this movie works quite well, balancing black comedy and thriller skilfully. Ethan Hawke's acting is endearing. The denouement is a bit of a let-down, but that doesn't mar what is essentially a rather enjoyable picture.
Mission of Justice (1992)
The Toronto Tornado
The Canadian Jeff Wincott is Kurt Harris, a tough copper often asked to call on his martial skills to deal with the raff-raff on the streets. After one particular liquor store hold-up, Kurt takes out two of the bad guys but the third is apprehended by a vigilante "peacemaker" called Jimmie. Jimmie belongs to the Mission of Justice, a private crime control organization headed by Brigitte Nielsen.
Following a bust-up with his boss who caused the death of his informer, Kurt throws down his badge and leaves the force. He goes to have a consolatory talk with his pal Cedric, who is later brutally murdered by Nielsen's thugs. That makes Kurt vow vengeance. He offers his services to the Mission.
Kurt has to pass through a testing walking-the-gauntlet initiation test, and then he is put on active patrol. In time he gets the evidence to convict Brigitte.
Well, Ms Nielsen may have a wonderful pair of bazooms, but the surgeon failed to implant much acting talent. Jeff, on the other hand, did train as an actor before learning martial skills and it shows. The gauntlet scene in particular is both spectacularly well choreographed and tense, and by the end you do care what happens to this guy.
Doppelganger (1993)
Good Girl Bad Girl
The former ET star is looking good in this enjoyably foolish horror yarn that features a double dose of Drew. First, there is the good Drew, whose name is Holly Gooding. A nice, mild-mannered young lady who dresses demurely and wouldn't say boo to a goose, she comes to Hollywood to share an apartment with an aspiring screenwriter. Their relationship is totally platonic. But the lad think his luck has changed when this innocent creature sudden;y turns into a raving nymphomaniac and gives him a night to remember. What he does not know is that he has actually been sharing some rumpy-pumpy with Drew's ghostly double, which is Doppelganger.
It seems that this deadly Drew double has already stabbed our heroin's mum to death. Do not look for rhyme or reason. This is not a movie where a psychological motive backs everything. It is not a schizophrenia thing - it is a monster thing ! Drew looks great, especially in a party scene where she is suddenly taken over by the evil spirit of her doppelganger and starts performing an erotic dance routine that's hot enough to make E.T. phone home for a big pack of bromide pills ! The climax is a hoot, with the true nature of Drew's double being revealed in a blaze of slimy animatronic special effects.
Sophisticated viewers should probably look elsewhere, but if you are a fan of daft horrors, the palatable Ms Barrymore, or both, then you'd better see it a double times - or more...
Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence (1992)
You have the right to remain silent - FOREVER
"This is gruesome," says a squeamish cop when uncovering the headless corpse of a wino in a back alley. But to be precise, this 3rd entry in this popular horror series is not that gruesome at all, mostly downplaying the gore in favor of the stunt-filled action sequences.
The Maniac Cop himself, Matt Cordell does not have much of a part in the story-line until the final act. Instead the film is mostly focused on around frayed-at-the-edges detective Robert Davi, who is very upset when his protégé young police woman is left brain-dead after a drugstore shootout with a psychopath.
There are various peripheral characters who are going to suffer from Cordell's wrath. For instance, there is the greedy medico who jokes about the lady cop on life support, saying she might make a nice rock garden ornament.
The final act is full of stunts including the sequence where Cordell is set on fire. The photography is good, characterizations are quirky, dialog witty, and the score pleases the ear.
Arresting entertainment. To my mind, the best part of the trilogy.
Prototype (1992)
Give it a try - you might like it
The movie kicks off with a tin-suited Prototype stalking amidst rubble and zapping anyone who stands in its way. Bullets just bounce off.
We are in the middle of the 21st century when the powers-that-be try to get civilization going again with the aid of Omegas who are part computer but mainly human . But then, so the daft story goes, the authorities changed their mind and sent out robotic prototypes to obliterate the Omegas. Just a little girl survived who later would become a rebel leader.
The characters are too low key to raise any interest, the plot is confusing. The direction is interesting though, and the effects are very good bearing in mind the clear poverty of the budget.
Woman on the Run (2017)
An Underrated Actress
As it happens to be a TV movie, one should not be too stern when assessing. Surely, there is plenty of illogical "logic" in the rather improbable story. The motivation of the antagonists successfully eludes my capability of detection.
What makes WOTR worthwhile for me after all, is the presence of Sarah Butler. An accomplished actress, imbued with stamina and character - let alone her stunning beauty - who is ignored by major producers and filmmakers. Why? I truly do not know.
Therefore it is pity the only significant motion picture she appeared in is the remake of I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE. Here she proved how refined her thespian skills are - her intonation and enunciation especially. But, the thing is, ISOYG is a film per se unwatchable for many.
To sum up, I hope things will change and Sarah Butler will be better spotted and garner more attention. Looking forward to A movies starring this promising talented actress.
Monolith (2016)
Better Than Expected
I have just finished watching this motion picture. And I have to say that the number of scathingly negative reviews tends to surprise me.
I start with a comparison and contrast, which I would have not thought before I would be willing to make now. There is this DUNKIRK across cinemas presently: a film critically acclaimed, lauded, appreciated, etc., and so on and so forth. And there is this TRAPPED CHILD.
The latter attracted my interest from start to finish never being boring - despite obvious flaws and imperfections. The former I found so unwatchably tedious - despite big budget production values - I turned it off after about 20 minutes. By the by, if I wish to learn history, I see a documentary, not a feature.
All in all, TRAPPED CHILD is an entertaining, optically attractive thriller (if only I knew where the scrapped 747 comes from - but that is a minor quibble).