Schuyler > Recent Status Updates

"For a moment, cheese made her forget about her problems."

Babe, same.

Frankenstein: I'll tell you a secret that will CHILL you with horror the day after our marriage.

BRO, I THINK NOT.

Frankenstein: I'll tell you a secret that will CHILL you with horror the day after our marriage.

BRO, I THINK NOT.

The amount of times Frankenstein has checked out of his problems by having months of brain fever...

Mary W: My monster is worse than Dante.
Me: Than lost souls chewing on people's brains while chatting with them? Snakes taking over people's bodies? Trees bleeding when their limbs are ripped off? Ma'am, it's giving Wattpad fanfic.

(And totally unrelated, might I recommend revisiting Canto V for personal reflection?)

Assigning work to your students with a Thanksgiving Day due date is cruel and unusual punishment.

Book so far: three stars
Rocking a napping baby while reading: a million

Book so far: three stars
Rocking a napping baby while reading: a million

Didn't have reading aloud a zombie book to an extroverted cockatiel on my Saturday to-do list, but here we are, and I'm not mad about it.

If a significant other ever called me "little squirrel," "little featherhead," and "little spendthrift" all in the same five minutes, we would be Having Words.

“One of the first lessons life teaches us is that on these occasions of back-chat between the delicately-natured, a man should retire into the offing, curl up in a ball, and imitate the prudent tactics of the opossum, which, when danger is in the air, pretends to be dead.”

imagine you're a 13yo who's been tortured by dark wizardry and none of your teachers can conjure up so much as a magical ibuprofen before making you listen to the world's longest monologue.

Love how Flaubert pauses his dramatization of Madame Bovary's self-destruction to leave a one star Yelp review of local Neufchâtel cheese.

College classes: if you can read 400 pages this week that would be great thx 👍

Cervantes: "Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind."

I didn't know it was possible to tear tissue off your eyeball from a frozen microscope. I didn't need to know. :((((

I am unwell on so many levels rn.

“If you will pardon my saying so, sir, Mr. Biffen has surely only himself to thank if he has entered upon matrimonial obligations which do not please him.”

“You’re talking absolute rot, Jeeves. You know as well as I do that Honoria Glossop is an Act of God. You might just as well blame a fellow for getting run over by a truck.”

STOP IT HOW IS EACH SCENE MORE DELIGHTFUL THAN THE PREVIOUS ONE

#teamSimon

SERIOUSLY EDITH HE LAUGHED AT A MR COLLINS JOKE. But also, I am currently adoring any enemies to lovers trope, so carry on.

Also--all the literary references!! Easter eggs for classics fans!

It's the year of our Lord 2024 and a peaceful Sunday morning. You could be drinking tea and catching the Supernatural finale while tackling a stack of dishes. Instead, you are listening a SECOND TIME to Moby-Dick because of an upcoming final. Oh, and the dishes still need to be tackled.

Melville: I have not left out ANY research about whales which I thought was warranted.
Reader: evidently not
Melville: Also, I like my spine.
Reader: spare me this, i beg

Reader: *drifting along without sense of time or place or plot*
Melville: Really smart people like Plato have steam that rises from their heads when they think hard
Reader: ok

Reader: *excited for a sea adventure*
Melville: LET ME TELL YOU WHY THE WHALE WAS WHITE, PHILOSOPHICALLY SPEAKING
Reader: ok, but--
Melville: ALSO LET'S TALK ABOUT THE HISTORY OF RANDOM WHALE PARAPHERNALIA

Imagine a nine hour cleaning day while having to listen to Herman Melville talk about whales. 🥲 And then having to go try on jeans while listening to him talk about MORE whales. 🥲

So it begins. *insert Theoden in the rain gif*

"It's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping."

During the section where Scarlett is fighting for her family not to starve, I kept thinking of Eva's conversation with a newspaper reporter in Hell on Wheels. The reporter was shocked by the moral degradation, but Eva told her, "Enough things happen to you long enough out here, you can do anything. You'll see."

Girl, if you can't eat some incredible barbecue because men can't see you have an appetite, is your crush really worth it?

(he isn't.)

I had one more library audiobook to finish before starting this, and I make it a matter of pride to finish all my audiobook holds. But after 45 minutes of the most infuriatingly greige writing known to man, I decided life was too short.

Let us move together through the rest of this day
passing in unison from light to shadow,
coasting over the crest of noon
into the valley of the evening
and then, holding hands, slip into the deeper valley of night.
-Eastern Standard Time