Afton Nelson's Reviews > Witch & Wizard

What is worse than a flat, static main character? TWO flat, static main characters. To take it one, horrible step further, have these characters narrate their own story in short, choppy chapters. This book seems almost like a first draft or maybe even a detailed outline for the idea of a book. There is very little detail or descriptive writing. For example, on pg. 161: "You got your friends out!" the girl said, then hugged Celia, the way Half-lights hug. Hard to describe." (Really James Patterson and smallfont Gabrielle Charbonnet? You are writers for crying out loud. TRY to describe it. What are they paying you for?)

The magic the two characters possess lacks any kind of order or explanation. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. There is no rhyme or reason to it.

The alternate realities are unimaginative and lacked any kind of description other than this gem on page 176: "It's really dangerous here. There's stuff worse than bombs, if you can imagine something more terrible than being blown up."

The secondary characters are completely forgettable. When they'd pop up after a page or so of their introduction, I'd already forgotten them. The only one who wasn't forgettable was the kid who gets turned into a weasel: a scene which was probably the only redeeming one in the entire book. Then the weasel gets instantly forgiven when he cries and says how sorry he is.

I finished this book out of sheer disbelief of it's awfulness. I kept wondering if it was some kind of joke the authors and publishers were trying to pull on young readers, to see if people would really read crap if it only had "Witch and Wizard" in the title. I guess the joke is on us because this book was one of the top selling children's books of 2009.

If you must read this book, I suggest starting on page 193 where the first two thirds of the book is summed up in succinct 9 item list without missing a single important detail.

The end of the book has an appendix of sorts with an "excerpt" of New Order propaganda which bans offensive books like "The Thunder Stealer," about Percival Johnson and how he steals from the gods and incurs their wrath, "Gary Blotter and the Guild of Rejects," about a delusional boy who realizes his job of scribe is much easier when he uses his magical powers, and "Pitcher in the Wheat" a coming of age tale about a youth who tries to infect the world with his cynicism.

There are also lists of banned musicians, museums that have been razed and artists who's art is no longer acceptable. Each entry is about as imaginative and creative as a word Jumble. It was almost as if Patterson and Charbonnet were trying to be funny which doesn't match up with the tone of the story at all, which despite the awful writing, was clearly supposed to be intensely dramatic.

The only conclusion I can come to for why this book is taking up space on the bookshelves at any bookstore is that the author's name sells regardless of what is between the covers.

And that is too bad.