Apoorva's Reviews > The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

When I finished reading this book yesterday, I thought the first 70% of the book wasn’t that bad. Hell, I can even go as far as to say that it had pretty good points for someone new to relationships.

Now that I’m writing this review, I don’t think I can hold back because the remaining part of this book is fucking trash and I have to talk about it!

If you’ve ever been in a relationship where there’s healthy communication, I think all the advice given by the author won’t sound so revolutionary. That's because you don’t have the fancy words to label the ways you show your love to your partner.

But, I don’t want to drag this book down completely as I feel that this has some good points in the beginning. “Love language” is a metaphor for the actions you take to show your love for your partner which results in a full love tank i.e. satisfaction in a relationship.

After the emotional high of love wears off AKA honeymoon phase of the relationship ends, it leaves us with the reality that the person we are with is not as perfect as we had once imagined. In this situation, we have to make efforts to sustain love and cultivate intimacy.

All of this is fine until the author ruins everything by attempting to save the relationship of a woman who has been abused. Using religion, he manipulates her to have sex with her husband (because his primary love language is physical touch). I’m not even exaggerating this. I found it wrong and vile.

If he had given the same advice to a man, I’d be angry too. But this is especially disgusting because, in many cultures and communities, women are told to just put up with the abuse or sweep it under the rug. I just cannot believe he gave this advice using such pleasant words.

It takes two to be in a relationship. It should be the decision of two people to make it work. If only one person is putting in efforts while the other person couldn’t care less, it’s best to give up because this is an unhealthy dynamic.

It was wrong on his part to give such advice to the vulnerable woman who was in a dilemma of whether she should stay with her abuser or leave. It just plays into the mentality that a good girl can fix a bad guy if she loves him enough. We should wonder about something else. Is the guy even worth loving? Short answer: No. Long answer: HELL NOOOOOO!

Secondly, he talks about how a relationship can be revived even after there has been sexual infidelity. I’m neither an expert in the field of dating and relationships nor have I read any research papers or statistics, but I feel there should be a line that cannot be crossed.

In my opinion, certain actions should be forbidden and considered the last straw in relationships for eg, cheating, abuse, and some other serious offenses (murder?).

I think aiming to make every relationship work by applying the love language rules is idealistic and unrealistic. Sometimes, people just aren’t compatible. There might be a hundred reasons for not being together. I don’t think all problems can be solved by applying the five simple rules.

All in all, read the first 70% of the book as it is sensible. For the rest, hurl the book out of the window and forget about it.