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357 pages, Hardcover
First published January 11, 2022
“My industry thrives on clichés—I know it does. But there’s a reason clichés exist.
It’s because they’re true.”
“When people get hurt physically, you can see it in the bruises and the scars, but when they’re hurt emotionally, mentally, it runs deeper than that. You can see every sleepless night in the reflection of their eyes; you can see every tear stained into their cheeks, every bout of anger etched into the creases in their foreheads. The thirst for blood cracking the skin on their lips.”
“Home.
That, too, is a loaded phrase. A home isn’t just a house, a collection of bricks and boards held together by concrete and nails. It’s more emotional than that. A home is safety, security. The place you go back to when the curfew clock strikes nine.”
“I remembered, at that moment, that situated next to all of my psychology textbooks were piles of true-crime titles: The Devil in the White City, In Cold Blood, The Monster of Florence. But unlike most people, I didn’t read them for entertainment. I read them for study. I read them to try to understand, to dissect all the different people who take lives for a living, devouring their stories on the page almost as if they were my patients, leaning back in that leather recliner, whispering their secrets into my ear.”
“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that, in the process, he does not become a monster. If you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
“My mouse hovers over Delete, but that pesky psychologist voice—my voice—echoes around me.
Classic avoidance coping, Chloe. You know that never eliminates the problem—it only postpones it.”
“There’s always that shred of doubt, that sliver of hope. But false hope is worse than no hope at all.”
I became a psychologist to help people-again with the cliches, but it's true. I became a psychologist because I understand trauma: I understand it in a way that no amount of schooling could ever teach. I understand the way your brain can fundamentally fuck with every aspect of your body; the way your emotions can distort things-emotions you didn't even know you had. The way those emotions can make it impossible to see clearly, think clearly, do anything clearly. They way they can make you hurt from your head down to your fingertips, a dull throbbing, constant pain that never goes away."