What do you think?
Rate this book
The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color
It’s time to heal the invisible wounds of complex trauma and reclaim your mind, body, and spirit. If you are a person of color who has experienced repeated trauma—such as discrimination, race-related verbal assault, racial stigmatization, poverty, sexual trauma, or interpersonal violence—you may struggle with intense feelings of anger, mistrust, or shame. You may feel unsafe or uncomfortable in your own body, or struggle with building and keeping close relationships. Sometimes you may feel very alone in your pain. But you are not alone. This groundbreaking work illuminates the phenomena of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) as it is uniquely experienced by people of color, and provides a much-needed path to health and wholeness. In The Pain We Carry , you’ll find powerful tools to help you understand and begin healing from repeated trauma. You’ll discover ways to feel safer in your body, build self-compassion and resilience, and reclaim your health and wellness by reconnecting with your sense of self and your ancestral wisdom. You’ll learn how trauma is connected to grief, how it can affect both the mind and the body, and how it can persist from one generation to the next. Most importantly, you’ll find the validation you need to begin mending your heart, and the skills you need to live a life of intention—even in the midst of an oppressive system. It’s time to find relief from the trauma and burdens you have been carrying and start celebrating and rediscovering who you are. With this guide, you will uncover your own strength in order to work toward healing C-PTSD within the external constraints you face to live a life of resilience, empowerment, reflection, and perseverance.
208 pages, Paperback
Published October 1, 2022
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews
November 21, 2023
The Pain We Carry is a non-fiction book written by a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, intended to be read by people of color who are wanting to navigate the Complex PTSD that comes from the trauma of racism. I read this book not as a person of color, but as a white therapist. I work with many POC and believe it is deeply important to learn as much as possible about the ways in which the trauma of oppression affects clients. As with all trauma, symptoms resulting from experiences of racism are not deficiencies in the people who experienced them - they are adaptive, functional responses to trauma. I really appreciated that this book spoke about multiple forms of racism - systemic, institutional, interpersonal, and internalized - and addressed both experiences that the individual reading may have had, as well as inherited trauma from harm experienced by ancestors.
This was a fabulous book, chockfull of compassion. I loved the IFS overview and the number of exercises for readers to complete. Highly recommended for folks who are navigating the effects of racism, as well as for those who work with POC as clinicians.
Thanks so much to Natalie Gutiérrez and New Harbinger Publications, Inc., for this ARC through NetGalley. The Pain We Carry is available now!
This was a fabulous book, chockfull of compassion. I loved the IFS overview and the number of exercises for readers to complete. Highly recommended for folks who are navigating the effects of racism, as well as for those who work with POC as clinicians.
Thanks so much to Natalie Gutiérrez and New Harbinger Publications, Inc., for this ARC through NetGalley. The Pain We Carry is available now!
October 5, 2022
I believe this a book that belongs amongst the giants who dominate the field of mental health, therapy, and anti-racism scholars. This is a book that belongs with Brene Brown, Richard Schwartz, Gabor Maté, Joy DeGruy, Resmaa Menakem, and so many others. We need Natalie's voice where ever BIPOC healing is being discussed. If you are BIPOC and healing from trauma read this book. If you are a white-bodied person and you want to learn how to best treat BIPOC clients, read this book. If you are a mental health professional or healer get this book, read it, underline through out it. It's seriously one of the best books I've read and it is for BIPOC and by BIPOC. Thank you Natalie, I feel your ancestors spoke through you as you wrote each chapter.
September 9, 2022
This book unraveled layers of pain, of the little things that are presented as 'responsibility' that actually are years of generational trauma- and it took me back to my childhood and to the history and how I saw people who were black like me being treated.
It's interesting that the title talks of unpacking generational trauma of people of color- and how the little things we overlook, become the big things we can never ignore.
It's an interesting book with many more insights which is crucial to the life we live now.
Thanks Netgalley for the eARC.
It's interesting that the title talks of unpacking generational trauma of people of color- and how the little things we overlook, become the big things we can never ignore.
It's an interesting book with many more insights which is crucial to the life we live now.
Thanks Netgalley for the eARC.
September 28, 2024
4.5 Stars
“When you’re having to be a chameleon that changes colors to match your environment for survival and in order to be accepted and loved…imagine what that does. Your heart breaks receiving explicit messages from groups in power—that the only way you will be truly loved and accepted is through assimilation. That shit cuts deep. So deep, it becomes trauma.”
There are so many quotables and gems of knowledge and healing. This book acknowledges the many cultural ways of healing and the trauma caused to people of color.
This was so deep and a wonderful addition to literature.
“When you’re having to be a chameleon that changes colors to match your environment for survival and in order to be accepted and loved…imagine what that does. Your heart breaks receiving explicit messages from groups in power—that the only way you will be truly loved and accepted is through assimilation. That shit cuts deep. So deep, it becomes trauma.”
There are so many quotables and gems of knowledge and healing. This book acknowledges the many cultural ways of healing and the trauma caused to people of color.
This was so deep and a wonderful addition to literature.
February 28, 2024
It took me all month to get through this book but that is due to how phenomenal it was! I listened to the audiobook and immediately went to order a physical copy for my bookshelf.
Every black person needs to read this for obvious reasons, but every white person should read this also to learn and gain knowledge and insight into the BIPOC struggle.
There are so many great nuggets in this book! There are journaling prompts, questions and assignments as well as areas that call for deep thought and reflection. As a black woman on a healing journey, this book was exactly what I needed. I will definitely be reading this book yearly. A new staple for me!
Every black person needs to read this for obvious reasons, but every white person should read this also to learn and gain knowledge and insight into the BIPOC struggle.
There are so many great nuggets in this book! There are journaling prompts, questions and assignments as well as areas that call for deep thought and reflection. As a black woman on a healing journey, this book was exactly what I needed. I will definitely be reading this book yearly. A new staple for me!
November 19, 2024
I liked the layout of the book which includes exercises to get in touch with what's being said as well as putting what's in the book into practice in your own mind/life.
I feel like this would be a full 5 if I hadn't done so much work with intergenerational trauma previously, and so much of this i knew/was review. Still really good for the person who's just getting their toes wet in the antiracist, intergenerational trauma ocean.
I feel like this would be a full 5 if I hadn't done so much work with intergenerational trauma previously, and so much of this i knew/was review. Still really good for the person who's just getting their toes wet in the antiracist, intergenerational trauma ocean.
February 12, 2023
This book is incredible! If you like Brené Brown and “My Grandmother’s Hands,” this book is for you. It looks at complex trauma through an intersectional lens. Includes perspectives of the trans and immigrant communities too. Very inclusive. Highly recommend. I never write reviews but was proud to share a last name with the author! Pushing my Latina sister forward!
March 19, 2024
Would have likely hit harder if I had read this a few years ago. Thankful all the same !!
May 24, 2024
A must read esp for those who work with BIPOC clients in the legal, educational and medical fields. A lot of what the author resonated with me as some who identifies as a minority.
November 15, 2023
this book does A LOT --
* defintions and introductions to as many areas of intersectionality (-isms) as possible + examples of how they may show up communally and individually
* explaining how these -isms contribute to the many layers of traumas contributing to potential cptsd physically, energetically, psychologically, developmentally, and culturally
* offering reflection questions, meditations, and body-based exercises to support the growth of personal insight re: how these burdens have contributed to your own trauma
* introductions to parts and self work via internal family systems theory, attachment styles via attachment theory
* encouragement practicing, reclaiming, and reinstating ancestral connection + engaging with ancestral healing ceremonial practices
* +++++
what a gift!
gutiérrez does this without blaming, with empowerment through a lot of compassion and understanding. plus an enormous amount of knowledge all just in 200+ pages. it's jam packed.
a one stop shop, or a bolster to my grandmother's hands, posttraumatic slave syndrome, no bad parts: healing trauma and restoring wholeness, and daring greatly.
incredible piece of work. no criticisms. i will echo what some other reviewers said though and highly recommend getting the physical book. i'll have to track it down now that ive listened to the audio.
* defintions and introductions to as many areas of intersectionality (-isms) as possible + examples of how they may show up communally and individually
* explaining how these -isms contribute to the many layers of traumas contributing to potential cptsd physically, energetically, psychologically, developmentally, and culturally
* offering reflection questions, meditations, and body-based exercises to support the growth of personal insight re: how these burdens have contributed to your own trauma
* introductions to parts and self work via internal family systems theory, attachment styles via attachment theory
* encouragement practicing, reclaiming, and reinstating ancestral connection + engaging with ancestral healing ceremonial practices
* +++++
what a gift!
gutiérrez does this without blaming, with empowerment through a lot of compassion and understanding. plus an enormous amount of knowledge all just in 200+ pages. it's jam packed.
a one stop shop, or a bolster to my grandmother's hands, posttraumatic slave syndrome, no bad parts: healing trauma and restoring wholeness, and daring greatly.
incredible piece of work. no criticisms. i will echo what some other reviewers said though and highly recommend getting the physical book. i'll have to track it down now that ive listened to the audio.
November 11, 2024
I’m fortunate to have ran across this book prior to the 2024 election in the US. This is a healing resource that I highly recommend for mental healthcare providers, organizations, educators or anyone who deals with marginalized people of color. I also appreciate that the author deals with the complex intersectional trauma experienced by LGBTQ+, women, and immigrants.
I originally purchased the audiobook, and followed up with the paperback version to easily complete the exercises. I would love to see a “The Pain We Give” SERIES created to promote healing and safe relationships enabling us all to peacefully exist in this beautifully diverse world 🫶🏾.
I originally purchased the audiobook, and followed up with the paperback version to easily complete the exercises. I would love to see a “The Pain We Give” SERIES created to promote healing and safe relationships enabling us all to peacefully exist in this beautifully diverse world 🫶🏾.
June 24, 2023
This is one of the best mental health books I have ever read. As a BIPOC aware book, it doesn't just cover the trauma from racial upbringing and experiences but ancestral legacy burdens and generational trauma. I found the way the book is laid out to first explain the different layers of trauma and its effects, the journal experience to bring self awareness and then the practice for the mindy-body realization is well done. The way the author guides you in an assertive but emphatic manner gives the world of a different in therapy to make it feel like these teachings are coming from someone who truly understands the levels and the trauma associated. This is definitely the best book for complex post traumatic stress I have ever come across and think it should be shared more in the world.
April 3, 2023
Borrowed the book on a whim after seeing it was available at the library. There are tons of self-help, therapy-type, etc. books but I liked that this was specifically geared towards BIPOC and their needs, which could be different or need a slightly different approach than a more general audience. Gutiérrez guides the reader though experiences, ways of coping, thought processes, etc. that they may use or need while navigating complex PTSD.
Each chapter mostly follows a formula: Gutiérrez sometimes has an anecdotal story that highlights that chapter's topic plus some journaling-type prompts and meditation exercises. The author at times adds commentary of what a Black, Indigenous or Person of color could be experiencing (Gutiérrez notes that she can only speak to her own experiences and not anyone else's) vis a vis white supremacy, misogyny, anti-LGBTQ+ issues, other bigotry, etc.
That's mostly it. There is also commentary on issues such as intergenerational trauma, and other issues that a reader might encounter or carry with them but also cannot really be addressed by some of the guidance laid out in the book.
I would say overall I'm not entirely sure how to rate the book. To my knowledge I do not have PTSD but did identify with some of the stories and discussions in the book. As Gutiérrez says, she can only speak to her own experiences and I would also say likewise (meaning, maybe lots of the items did not work for me, but certainly it could resonate with someone else).
Ultimately I would say this is probably a good supplement if one is already receiving some sort of therapy or help and it might be a good place to start if one doesn't have access. But it's not meant to be a cure-all or all-encompassing, which is fine! It was not for me but I could certainly see how it could be useful for others.
I would borrow this from the library first to see if it works for you.
Each chapter mostly follows a formula: Gutiérrez sometimes has an anecdotal story that highlights that chapter's topic plus some journaling-type prompts and meditation exercises. The author at times adds commentary of what a Black, Indigenous or Person of color could be experiencing (Gutiérrez notes that she can only speak to her own experiences and not anyone else's) vis a vis white supremacy, misogyny, anti-LGBTQ+ issues, other bigotry, etc.
That's mostly it. There is also commentary on issues such as intergenerational trauma, and other issues that a reader might encounter or carry with them but also cannot really be addressed by some of the guidance laid out in the book.
I would say overall I'm not entirely sure how to rate the book. To my knowledge I do not have PTSD but did identify with some of the stories and discussions in the book. As Gutiérrez says, she can only speak to her own experiences and I would also say likewise (meaning, maybe lots of the items did not work for me, but certainly it could resonate with someone else).
Ultimately I would say this is probably a good supplement if one is already receiving some sort of therapy or help and it might be a good place to start if one doesn't have access. But it's not meant to be a cure-all or all-encompassing, which is fine! It was not for me but I could certainly see how it could be useful for others.
I would borrow this from the library first to see if it works for you.
December 18, 2024
Where to even start...
This book has seriously changed the way I approach my healing journey. I picked up this book after seeing a review of it on TikTok. I did not know what to expect but I now understand why it's such a healing book. There are many complex topics that will be discussed such as racism, homophobia, misogyny, discrimination and so much more. As a woman of color, the way these topics were discussed made me realize how I carry myself around my job, school, and family. It truly made me realize what I have internalized throughout my life.
What I enjoyed about this book was that it not only talked about the issues people of color face but it also shared ways to heal from that pain. It made me feel as though my pain and traumas were not my enemies. On the contrary, they are parts of me that I need to heal and care for.
I appreciate the author Natalie for using such a gentle approach. She invited you to participate in the reflections and acknowledges all the feelings that may arise. Never once did I feel as though my experiences were my fault.
There are many reflection practices throughout the book so be ready with a paper and pen to journal your experiences.
I will suggest you read this book in a safe space where you can allow yourself to breathe, meditate, and journal. I have free time at my job so I read it when I had downtime, but I was not able to participate in some of the practices because I could not let my guard down. For that same reason, I can definitely see myself circling back to this book.
It is a beautiful piece of work and one that I will recommend to my friends and family.
This book has seriously changed the way I approach my healing journey. I picked up this book after seeing a review of it on TikTok. I did not know what to expect but I now understand why it's such a healing book. There are many complex topics that will be discussed such as racism, homophobia, misogyny, discrimination and so much more. As a woman of color, the way these topics were discussed made me realize how I carry myself around my job, school, and family. It truly made me realize what I have internalized throughout my life.
What I enjoyed about this book was that it not only talked about the issues people of color face but it also shared ways to heal from that pain. It made me feel as though my pain and traumas were not my enemies. On the contrary, they are parts of me that I need to heal and care for.
I appreciate the author Natalie for using such a gentle approach. She invited you to participate in the reflections and acknowledges all the feelings that may arise. Never once did I feel as though my experiences were my fault.
There are many reflection practices throughout the book so be ready with a paper and pen to journal your experiences.
I will suggest you read this book in a safe space where you can allow yourself to breathe, meditate, and journal. I have free time at my job so I read it when I had downtime, but I was not able to participate in some of the practices because I could not let my guard down. For that same reason, I can definitely see myself circling back to this book.
It is a beautiful piece of work and one that I will recommend to my friends and family.
January 5, 2024
There are some books that come into your life at exactly the right moment. I have been following Natalie since the start of my graduate school career, and when I saw that she was coming out with a book, I just knew it was going to hit me right at my soul.
The Pain We Carry is a book dedicated to us, the global majority. For so long we’ve been reading books by white researchers, therapists & psychologists that has perpetuated & pathologized our pain. The disease of white supremacy is so deep, so ingrained that it will take generations to heal from its toxins & unlearn all that has been passed down to us.
Natalie highlights what Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is & how people of color can begin the healing process. Almost every single chapter comes with an array of practical practices to utilize that will help you bring you back to your most authentic self. Natalie also utilizes IFS & breaks down the many forms of isms & systemic structures that impacts our lives.
I absolutely loved this book. I felt so safe, seen, and heard reading it. I’m afraid if I keep on writing I’ll end up giving you all a summary of each chapter! But the beauty of this book is that each person walks away with their own understanding & realization. It’s the kind of book that I will come back to again & again, and each time will learn something new about myself.
Gone are the days that we have to consume work that doesn’t apply to us. So grateful to you Natalie & I look forward to seeing this utilized in academic courses, research papers, workshops, community conversations & more.
The Pain We Carry is a book dedicated to us, the global majority. For so long we’ve been reading books by white researchers, therapists & psychologists that has perpetuated & pathologized our pain. The disease of white supremacy is so deep, so ingrained that it will take generations to heal from its toxins & unlearn all that has been passed down to us.
Natalie highlights what Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is & how people of color can begin the healing process. Almost every single chapter comes with an array of practical practices to utilize that will help you bring you back to your most authentic self. Natalie also utilizes IFS & breaks down the many forms of isms & systemic structures that impacts our lives.
I absolutely loved this book. I felt so safe, seen, and heard reading it. I’m afraid if I keep on writing I’ll end up giving you all a summary of each chapter! But the beauty of this book is that each person walks away with their own understanding & realization. It’s the kind of book that I will come back to again & again, and each time will learn something new about myself.
Gone are the days that we have to consume work that doesn’t apply to us. So grateful to you Natalie & I look forward to seeing this utilized in academic courses, research papers, workshops, community conversations & more.
July 11, 2024
Natalie is so gentle here. I’ve been doing IFS (Internal Family Systems, a therapy that helps you see yourself as parts in a system rather than one person) in therapy for years now and this is the first time I’ve seen it used to help with racial & cultural trauma.
I also love how this book uses IFS to help understand and work with legacy burdens and intergenerational trauma. I truly started understanding how much was passed down to me that wasn’t “really” mine, as well as what traumas are mine, so to speak. There’s a lot of exercises and practices, but she asks you to break frequently.
A few I haven’t completed yet that I will be working towards, but I did the first half or so.
These can also be used to tackle traumas related to misogyny & such I feel like, I had a lot of those “personally” and was kind of hard to confront, but I will be continuing to explore & work through all of it 🤎🤎
I also love how this book uses IFS to help understand and work with legacy burdens and intergenerational trauma. I truly started understanding how much was passed down to me that wasn’t “really” mine, as well as what traumas are mine, so to speak. There’s a lot of exercises and practices, but she asks you to break frequently.
A few I haven’t completed yet that I will be working towards, but I did the first half or so.
These can also be used to tackle traumas related to misogyny & such I feel like, I had a lot of those “personally” and was kind of hard to confront, but I will be continuing to explore & work through all of it 🤎🤎
November 23, 2022
***Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review***
This is an approachable and useful book for folks looking to do some introspection around racialized identities and C-PTSD. Gutierrez doesn't overly intellectualize and speak "above" the reader, and takes on a more conversational tone that comes across with more warmth and genuineness. That said, it is clear that she holds a lot of knowledge, experience, wisdom, and training. My only issue with this text is that the author switches between different descriptions of her audience, and at times this can come across as mainly addressing Black and Brown folks. There's nothing wrong with that, but I would have liked a little more clarity or care about the intended audience as the title suggests all POC-identified people would be included.
This is an approachable and useful book for folks looking to do some introspection around racialized identities and C-PTSD. Gutierrez doesn't overly intellectualize and speak "above" the reader, and takes on a more conversational tone that comes across with more warmth and genuineness. That said, it is clear that she holds a lot of knowledge, experience, wisdom, and training. My only issue with this text is that the author switches between different descriptions of her audience, and at times this can come across as mainly addressing Black and Brown folks. There's nothing wrong with that, but I would have liked a little more clarity or care about the intended audience as the title suggests all POC-identified people would be included.
December 29, 2023
I found this to be one of the most helpful and accessible books around trauma that I’ve come across. The author lays out basic information around trauma and healing and walks the reader through specific exercises and meditations, all while allowing the reader to take their time as needed. I have to admit, I didn’t do the exercises as I read, instead I wanted to finish the book and then go back to the exercises. My only suggestion is that I wish there was an accompanying workbook that readers like myself could use. Either way, I will be recommending it to others and hope that it gets the recognition it deserves.
February 1, 2023
Gutiérrez wrote a highly accessible and comprehensive trauma therapy 101 book that, though it contains complex concepts, provides an easy read for survivors. This was my first-read through, and I plan on returning to the physical book to work through the exercises. The exercises surely aren’t easy, but they seem very helpful to incorporate into my healing journey.
The perspective provided in this book is one I’ve needed. I appreciate its existence.
The perspective provided in this book is one I’ve needed. I appreciate its existence.
December 19, 2023
Amazing workbook. The questions give you perspective to so many suppressed and unresolved emotions from microaggressions and blatant racial abuses we suffer in today’s age. Working through the exercises allowed me to reflect on experiences, consider my strength, and understand how my values must always be prioritized.
I recommend this to all my friends looking for understanding and comfort in what feels uncertain, but should not be!
I recommend this to all my friends looking for understanding and comfort in what feels uncertain, but should not be!
February 27, 2023
Honestly, one of the best books I’ve read while on my healing journey! I felt like Natalie was with me the entire time- guiding me while reading the book. And my soul feels seen and unstoppable at the same time!! 🔥🙌🏼 Natalie has become my spirit sister! lol 🫶🏻 Thanks for sharing your work with the world!!
February 28, 2023
I listened to the audiobook and enjoyed the reflection questions throughout the book, so much that I think I also need a hard copy. Definitely recommend it for that.
I appreciate how accessible the language is in this book. Not overly academic, while keeping the authenticity. It's brilliant.
On a personal note...It's very profound. The part about imposter syndrome really resonated with me.
I appreciate how accessible the language is in this book. Not overly academic, while keeping the authenticity. It's brilliant.
On a personal note...It's very profound. The part about imposter syndrome really resonated with me.
July 4, 2023
Here, I learned what my Self-center means when it has the freedom to express itself in complete liberty. In other words; I learned a simple affirmation which defines my truest Self. ;) Recommended read for Black, Indigenous, People of Color or mental health professionals.
May 15, 2024
The high rating of this astounds me??? The entire book is “science” by white men for white men packaged as new ways of treating folks of color. As a clinician I am alarmed that folks could pick this up and believe that this is valid therapeutically.
October 15, 2024
3.5 stars. This book was very compassionate and mindful. I appreciated how the author reminded the reader to take breaths and breaks. To be honest, I didn’t do any of the exercises. I didn’t feel compelled to, but acknowledge that probably impacted my engagement with the book.
October 31, 2024
I really appreciated this book, the accompanying audio of meditation practices, the reflection prompts, the approaches of internal family systems and ancestral veneration, and the weaving of individual and systemic experiences that shape trauma. There’s so much packed in here!
November 11, 2024
I am white, so this is not exactly written for me. However, I do have intersecting marginalization so this spoke to that part of me in a way none of my other ptsd/cptsd reading had. This is a fantastic read!
April 2, 2023
Eye-opening perspective!!! I have a greater appreciation for the sensitive topic as a result of this book.
April 2, 2023
An important travel companion on this journey. It includes prompts and exercises that will help me get from A to B and that I plan to revisit often.
November 20, 2023
Wow… I’m so glad this exists 🥹
Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews