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The Bonjour Effect: The Secret Codes of French Conversation Revealed
Jean-Benoît Nadeau and Julie Barlow spent a decade traveling back and forth to Paris as well as living there. Yet one important lesson never seemed to sink how to communicate comfortably with the French, even when you speak their language. In The Bonjour Effect Jean-Benoît and Julie chronicle the lessons they learned after they returned to France to live, for a year, with their twin daughters. They offer up all the lessons they learned and explain, in a book as fizzy as a bottle of the finest French champagne, the most important aspect of the French don't communicate, they converse . To understand and speak French well, one must understand that French conversation runs on a set of rules that go to the heart of French culture. Why do the French like talking about "the decline of France"? Why does broaching a subject like money end all discussion? Why do the French become so aroused debating the merits and qualities of their own language? Through encounters with school principals, city hall civil servants, gas company employees, old friends and business acquaintances, Julie and Jean-Benoît explain why , culturally and historically, conversation with the French is not about communicating or being nice. It's about being interesting . After reading The Bonjour Effect , even readers with a modicum of French language ability will be able to hold their own the next time they step into a bistro on the Left Bank.
310 pages, Hardcover
First published April 19, 2016
About the author
Julie Barlow
17 books59 followersJulie Barlow has been writing about France and the French language for over two decades and is a regular contributor to Canada’s French language public affairs magazine L’actualité since 1996. Her writing has appeared in English and French-language magazines and newspapers in Quebec and Canada, the U.S. and Europe, including The New York Times, USA Today, The Christian Science Monitor and the Courier international. Julie is based in Montreal where she lives with her husband, author Jean-Benoît Nadeau, and their two daughters.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 222 reviews
May 10, 2018
Finally, now we know why French waiters are so rude!
The best bit about this fun and easy read is that the subject matter is French etiquette and customs, but the authors are Canadian with an eye to an American readership. So for a Brit like me it's really a 2-for-1 deal, you get insight into French and American customs.
The book ranges widely over different aspects of how the French interact, from the etiquette of how to say hello, to the content of conversations, which topics are encouraged and which are verboten, what's private and what's public, how French food culture supports French conversation styles; and at the same time always highlighting what's surprising for Americans. The biggest difference, which comes up again and again, is that Americans think that conversations are a transaction, a trade of information, but for the French a conversation is an art form. It's like a dance. You do it elegantly, you do it companionably, you do it with style. You owe it to everyone else to be interesting.
This has a really fascinating knock-on effect in terms of what can be talked about. For the French, your job is both personal and dull and therefore off the table. For Americans it's useful information about yourself and a neutral starter topic. For the French politics is an excellent opening topic, offering everyone the chance to say something interesting or outrageous and segues nicely into all sorts of other fun things like philosophy. For Americans, the political is personal and fraught with awkward moral judgements.
For the French conversation is a game, so saying non is an opening gambit, and invitation to argue or persuade. For Americans, who assume that you mean exactly what you say, non is an alarmingly blunt dead-end.
I'm struck once again by how strange and different American service culture is. Nowhere else in the world do people expect such grovelling obsequiousness from the underpaid. So there's a rather long explanation that you have to be polite to grocery clerks, petty bureaucrats, bus drivers, and so on or else you will get bad service. This seems pretty obvious to me, but the authors clearly expect the reader to be surprised. Waiting tables is such a low-status job in American it isn't even worthy of the minimum wage, but in France the waiter is an expert in the food and drink available and these skills deserve respect.
Some things surprised me, although they seem obvious in retrospect. So as the French being much weaker at debate skills than Americans, as they aren't in the habit of doing anything so prosaic as presenting facts or refuting arguments! And the authors assert that French people are very embarrassed to be shown as ignorant and will engage in all sorts of evasions to avoid saying, 'I don't know.'
Besides all these fun and interesting differences in custom and outlook there is much more, on the French school system and its heavy reliance on speaking well and remembering facts, and the way that knocks onto credentialism and the French job market, which of course leads to politics, and so on. The book meanders across all kinds of topics, and is an entertaining mix of anecdote, statistics and speculation, as engaging as a good chat with a seasoned traveller.
The best bit about this fun and easy read is that the subject matter is French etiquette and customs, but the authors are Canadian with an eye to an American readership. So for a Brit like me it's really a 2-for-1 deal, you get insight into French and American customs.
The book ranges widely over different aspects of how the French interact, from the etiquette of how to say hello, to the content of conversations, which topics are encouraged and which are verboten, what's private and what's public, how French food culture supports French conversation styles; and at the same time always highlighting what's surprising for Americans. The biggest difference, which comes up again and again, is that Americans think that conversations are a transaction, a trade of information, but for the French a conversation is an art form. It's like a dance. You do it elegantly, you do it companionably, you do it with style. You owe it to everyone else to be interesting.
This has a really fascinating knock-on effect in terms of what can be talked about. For the French, your job is both personal and dull and therefore off the table. For Americans it's useful information about yourself and a neutral starter topic. For the French politics is an excellent opening topic, offering everyone the chance to say something interesting or outrageous and segues nicely into all sorts of other fun things like philosophy. For Americans, the political is personal and fraught with awkward moral judgements.
For the French conversation is a game, so saying non is an opening gambit, and invitation to argue or persuade. For Americans, who assume that you mean exactly what you say, non is an alarmingly blunt dead-end.
I'm struck once again by how strange and different American service culture is. Nowhere else in the world do people expect such grovelling obsequiousness from the underpaid. So there's a rather long explanation that you have to be polite to grocery clerks, petty bureaucrats, bus drivers, and so on or else you will get bad service. This seems pretty obvious to me, but the authors clearly expect the reader to be surprised. Waiting tables is such a low-status job in American it isn't even worthy of the minimum wage, but in France the waiter is an expert in the food and drink available and these skills deserve respect.
Some things surprised me, although they seem obvious in retrospect. So as the French being much weaker at debate skills than Americans, as they aren't in the habit of doing anything so prosaic as presenting facts or refuting arguments! And the authors assert that French people are very embarrassed to be shown as ignorant and will engage in all sorts of evasions to avoid saying, 'I don't know.'
Besides all these fun and interesting differences in custom and outlook there is much more, on the French school system and its heavy reliance on speaking well and remembering facts, and the way that knocks onto credentialism and the French job market, which of course leads to politics, and so on. The book meanders across all kinds of topics, and is an entertaining mix of anecdote, statistics and speculation, as engaging as a good chat with a seasoned traveller.
January 21, 2020
This is a really great read for Francophiles, and perhaps a few francophones as well!
Two Canadian journalists, Julie Barlow and Jean-Benoit Nadeau, a married couple with their two daughters, lived in France on two occasions. They written this book for anyone interested in understanding the social mores embedded in the language. With wit and lots of anecdotes, the reader is entertained by the idiosyncrasies of the French. The target audience is North Americans.
I really LOVED this book, particularly the first half. One thing I did not know is that waiters are highly trained professionals in France. It's not a side-line or holiday job there. And the most important word in French is Bonjour!. But wait for it, you have to wait for the reply of the person you addressed, since your greeting announced your invasion of the person's space, and by replying, the person gives you permission to be there! You may then proceed. Bonjour is code for "please allow me to indulge in your services."
The book proceed to lightly cover topics such as politics, religion, education, bureaucracy, social events, geography, history and yes philosophy. The chapter on gender issues was too long. However, after reading the book I was wondering about the gender assigned to nouns. The word 'gender' was created to address just that in dictionaries. Nowadays it is used as a social construct to 'neutralize' all genders, even forbidding anyone to apply a 'gender' to any biological sex. Now given the millions of words in many many languages, I cannot help but smile at the challenge it must pose to neutralize everything. There's the few billion animal species awaiting their turn. Oh dear, and what about all the plants that are sexed by nature itself. Female and male plants which grow together to ensure offsprings.
Another interesting tidbit: Margarine was invented in France (in 1869, for a contest organized by Napoleon III to find an alternative to butter; margarine was patented by the French pharmacist Hippolyte Mège-Mouriès the same year, and then the inventor sold his patent to a Dutch industrialist who went on to found the multinational consumer goods company Unilever).
Full of fun, and really entertaining. By reading the book you will understand what the authors mean with this remark: The French appear to be closet optimists wrapped in a thick cloak of pessimism.
... To be fair, as a general manner of speaking, the French do consider criticism to be more honest than praise. To the French, unbridled optimism, enthusiasm, or unwarranted contentment all scream simplemindedness. As France's most popular stand-up comedian, Jammel Debbouze, put it, you have to sound pessimistic to look intelligent in France. Overt pessimism has an elegant anti-establishment quality about it, like wearing all black...
This book is a revelation. And lots of fun!
Two Canadian journalists, Julie Barlow and Jean-Benoit Nadeau, a married couple with their two daughters, lived in France on two occasions. They written this book for anyone interested in understanding the social mores embedded in the language. With wit and lots of anecdotes, the reader is entertained by the idiosyncrasies of the French. The target audience is North Americans.
I really LOVED this book, particularly the first half. One thing I did not know is that waiters are highly trained professionals in France. It's not a side-line or holiday job there. And the most important word in French is Bonjour!. But wait for it, you have to wait for the reply of the person you addressed, since your greeting announced your invasion of the person's space, and by replying, the person gives you permission to be there! You may then proceed. Bonjour is code for "please allow me to indulge in your services."
The book proceed to lightly cover topics such as politics, religion, education, bureaucracy, social events, geography, history and yes philosophy. The chapter on gender issues was too long. However, after reading the book I was wondering about the gender assigned to nouns. The word 'gender' was created to address just that in dictionaries. Nowadays it is used as a social construct to 'neutralize' all genders, even forbidding anyone to apply a 'gender' to any biological sex. Now given the millions of words in many many languages, I cannot help but smile at the challenge it must pose to neutralize everything. There's the few billion animal species awaiting their turn. Oh dear, and what about all the plants that are sexed by nature itself. Female and male plants which grow together to ensure offsprings.
Another interesting tidbit: Margarine was invented in France (in 1869, for a contest organized by Napoleon III to find an alternative to butter; margarine was patented by the French pharmacist Hippolyte Mège-Mouriès the same year, and then the inventor sold his patent to a Dutch industrialist who went on to found the multinational consumer goods company Unilever).
Full of fun, and really entertaining. By reading the book you will understand what the authors mean with this remark: The French appear to be closet optimists wrapped in a thick cloak of pessimism.
... To be fair, as a general manner of speaking, the French do consider criticism to be more honest than praise. To the French, unbridled optimism, enthusiasm, or unwarranted contentment all scream simplemindedness. As France's most popular stand-up comedian, Jammel Debbouze, put it, you have to sound pessimistic to look intelligent in France. Overt pessimism has an elegant anti-establishment quality about it, like wearing all black...
This book is a revelation. And lots of fun!
April 6, 2016
More than a language tutorial or a guide for doing business in France, this is more like an ethnography of France, such as Kate Fox's anthropological study of The English. And it's a bit sly -- the authors (a married couple from French Canada, fluent in French and English) start out with the excellent but well-known advice to greet people in France. Greet shopkeepers, bus drivers, hotel clerks, waiters. Start every encounter with Bonjour. This will not guarantee you smooth sailing in France, but not saying it will guarantee a rough ride. From that familiar ground they move on to education systems in France, politics, religion, bureaucracy, and dinner parties. It's a revelation!
February 16, 2019
A nice and quick read for the students of French language like myself. It provides quite a few helpful tips on communicating with the French, for those not used to France and French culture, like never forget to say bonjour and not to shy away from disagreeing. The chapter about French education system and philosophy is very interesting. But most of the book only skims the surface, and the over-generalization makes the takeaways less convincing. That’s said I’m going to take some immersion language training in France in the next couple years. I might find myself agree with the authors more once I get deeper into French communication.
October 23, 2016
Interesting but the writing style got in the way. I had read the authors' other work 'Sixty Million Frenchmen Can't Be Wrong' and thought this would be interesting. They have a couple of books specifically about Spanish and French as languages (I think, I haven't read them) but I liked the idea of examining the "codes" in French conversations and what it could mean.
It's insightful. The differences in manners, expectations, what sorts of topics are "okay" for public discussion and others that are reserved for more private conversations. One example is jobs. I was blown away to see that what one does for work is apparently very private or only spoken of in impersonal ways. In some places in the US, what you do can be a form of an opening question (or close to it) and can define you in the eyes of another person. It was bits and pieces of information like that that was really fascinating reading as I had written a paper on a specific topic regarding France. I had even less knowledge then and was puzzled as to why it was so difficult to learn certain information or how it seemed impossible to get at all. This book provided some insight as to why and how that is.
That said, while the information was good the writing was terrible. I was somewhat hesitant because I wasn't amazed by 'Sixty' and chose not to read their other books after reading that one. There is no overarching narrative (even within each chapter), at the heart of this it's one couple's observations about life in France (and not a scientific or academic study). Yes, sometimes the narrative could get repetitive. But the authors don't have a particularly engaging "voice" and wonder if it's because it was co-authored by a couple instead of just one or the other.
That said, I did learn a bit from the book. It might make a good gift or read for someone who is planning to travel to or study in France, although it is not a travel guide nor is it a "basic" conversation guide you might expect for someone trying to actually learn the language. It's just not a page-turner though. Borrowed from the library and that sounds right for me.
It's insightful. The differences in manners, expectations, what sorts of topics are "okay" for public discussion and others that are reserved for more private conversations. One example is jobs. I was blown away to see that what one does for work is apparently very private or only spoken of in impersonal ways. In some places in the US, what you do can be a form of an opening question (or close to it) and can define you in the eyes of another person. It was bits and pieces of information like that that was really fascinating reading as I had written a paper on a specific topic regarding France. I had even less knowledge then and was puzzled as to why it was so difficult to learn certain information or how it seemed impossible to get at all. This book provided some insight as to why and how that is.
That said, while the information was good the writing was terrible. I was somewhat hesitant because I wasn't amazed by 'Sixty' and chose not to read their other books after reading that one. There is no overarching narrative (even within each chapter), at the heart of this it's one couple's observations about life in France (and not a scientific or academic study). Yes, sometimes the narrative could get repetitive. But the authors don't have a particularly engaging "voice" and wonder if it's because it was co-authored by a couple instead of just one or the other.
That said, I did learn a bit from the book. It might make a good gift or read for someone who is planning to travel to or study in France, although it is not a travel guide nor is it a "basic" conversation guide you might expect for someone trying to actually learn the language. It's just not a page-turner though. Borrowed from the library and that sounds right for me.
May 1, 2019
6 stars. One of the most knowledgeable, informative and useful books I've ever read about France ( nothing like the usual content of books about France aimed at foreigners: shallow rehashing of stereotypes and clichés). The authors, husband and wife, lived in France for years, not just traveled around as tourists. They are fluent both in French language and in French culture. Their rich personal experience coupled with dedicated research resulted in an in-depth analysis of French cultural codes and mentality. This book is both entertaining and valuable for everybody who is interested in France and its people.
I will be sure to read other books about French language and culture written by Julie Barlow and Jean-Benoît Nadeau.
I will be sure to read other books about French language and culture written by Julie Barlow and Jean-Benoît Nadeau.
March 30, 2023
Some interesting points are made in this, but it’s too long-winded, like it could have easily been a long magazine article. I taught my two brothers to say “Bonjour” upon entering any French business establishment and they both said they were treat much better, even though they speak little or no French.
I’ve never found the French to be “rude” or “unfriendly.” I speak the language passably well, and I never expect waiters to be jumping with joy to see me when I sit down in a café. I much prefer the French professional attitude of servers to the American version mocked so brilliantly in this article from The Onion: https://www.theonion.com/welcome-to-t... .
I’ve never found the French to be “rude” or “unfriendly.” I speak the language passably well, and I never expect waiters to be jumping with joy to see me when I sit down in a café. I much prefer the French professional attitude of servers to the American version mocked so brilliantly in this article from The Onion: https://www.theonion.com/welcome-to-t... .
August 11, 2018
Five stars for the amount of research that went into this book, and for the fascinating presentation of material in ways the reader can understand. I learned so much. This would be a great book for anyone planning to spend any time in France (especially Paris) or for one who wants to understand French culture better.
September 24, 2021
This is a fascinating read. The authors, from Quebec, lived in France for two periods in recent years, the nearest time with their school-age children. They were able to witness not only how France changed over time, but how their children acclimated to their new home as well. Their insights and stories are not sneering or judgmental, but come from a place of curiosity.
The book begins with the necessary starting point for anyone even considering a trip to France: the importance of "bonjour," and why. From there, it goes into more nitty-gritty nuances of communication, discussing what French culture embraces in conversation, what they avoid, and how to get by. The back of the book condenses the major points down to quick lists.
The book begins with the necessary starting point for anyone even considering a trip to France: the importance of "bonjour," and why. From there, it goes into more nitty-gritty nuances of communication, discussing what French culture embraces in conversation, what they avoid, and how to get by. The back of the book condenses the major points down to quick lists.
November 23, 2024
This book is very informative about what you need to know about France if you are planning to go there. Whether it is for a vacation or to live it is good knowledge to know the do's and don'ts of interacting with French people.
June 6, 2022
An in-depth discussion of French conversation and it’s central role in their culture! I found this fascinating, and it made me all the more obsessed with all things France. Very helpful before visiting, especially if you don’t want to be one of those ill-informed people who comes back from a visit reporting that “Parisians are rude.”
February 6, 2017
Mentally reviewing French conversations I have had! And gathering useful insights for the next ones.
January 3, 2023
So much I should have known 30 years ago, about how and what the French like to talk about.
I knew the "bonjour" thing -- and even, which they don't say, that it's "Bonjour madame/monsieur, not just 'bonjour."
But I didn't know about them not liking to talk about family or work in conversation - I talked with two families in Martinique by starting to talk with the kids and showing pictures of mine. Seemed to work okay -- but Martinique may be different than "l'hexagon."
143 - old joke that when two British people meet, they shake hands, then get in line; when two French people meet, they shake hands, then start complaining about France.
How did I not know that two centuries ago, most of France was not French-speaking? This is why French instruction is detailed and specific - it's designed as French-as-a-second-language (even though the French also don't really consider French a language, it's just -- the water the fish swim in. When they learn a second language at school, it's called "la premiere langue" - the first language. The next one is "la deuxieme langue." - Ca, c'est la France. (158)
adding endings -ant, -oche, -ouille, or -ard, or combining (cable, branchouilaard (hipsters)).
Verlan (from envers) with the syllables reversed. Branche becomes chebran, cable to bleca. Femme = meuf, fete = teuf, discret = scred. "Arabe was verlanized twice: it produced beur in the late 70s and reverlanized into rebeu in the late 90s.
Popular 2014 film: Qu'est-ce qu'on a fai au Bon Dieu. Chinese = noiche, Arabe = rebue, juif is a feuj. (165).
-- talk about personal money in terms of what you don't have, or sales (which are only during certain times of the year, enforced by the police, which derive from medieval guilds)
lebonplan.
la vie chere
talk about the economy has increased - in 2000, it was very rare. Now it's more common, to the detriment of public sentiment about unions.
"right leaning French call France's mandatory social security contribution charges sociales to stress how much they cost business and employers. Left leaning French use the term cotisations (contributions, implicitly suggesting that the French like sharing their wealth, or at least do so willingly." (201). Often do work without knowing how much they'll be paid. "in professional situations they are more likely to wax on about children and holidays than talk dollars and cents."
French women participated in public life earlier and more deeply than elsehwere, notes a book called Les Parisiens,
Marquise de Rambouillet - founded influential early French salon
Madame de Pompadour
Madame de Stael
George Sand
Colette
Simone de Beauvoir
Marguerite Duras
Coco Chanel
Sarah Bernhardt
Marie Cure (223)
laicite: government policy that exludes religion from anything related to states and institutions "you will never hear a French minister say 'God bless France' or 'in God we trust' or see one pray in public.'" Was founded in 19th century to fight Catholic extremists opposed to demoractic institutions. Idea was not to guarantee freedom of religion, but freedom from religion.
National Front is the only party willing to talk about race and communities (versus just individual citizens); France doesn't even collect data on country of origin, immigration status, race, or religion.
I knew the "bonjour" thing -- and even, which they don't say, that it's "Bonjour madame/monsieur, not just 'bonjour."
But I didn't know about them not liking to talk about family or work in conversation - I talked with two families in Martinique by starting to talk with the kids and showing pictures of mine. Seemed to work okay -- but Martinique may be different than "l'hexagon."
143 - old joke that when two British people meet, they shake hands, then get in line; when two French people meet, they shake hands, then start complaining about France.
How did I not know that two centuries ago, most of France was not French-speaking? This is why French instruction is detailed and specific - it's designed as French-as-a-second-language (even though the French also don't really consider French a language, it's just -- the water the fish swim in. When they learn a second language at school, it's called "la premiere langue" - the first language. The next one is "la deuxieme langue." - Ca, c'est la France. (158)
adding endings -ant, -oche, -ouille, or -ard, or combining (cable, branchouilaard (hipsters)).
Verlan (from envers) with the syllables reversed. Branche becomes chebran, cable to bleca. Femme = meuf, fete = teuf, discret = scred. "Arabe was verlanized twice: it produced beur in the late 70s and reverlanized into rebeu in the late 90s.
Popular 2014 film: Qu'est-ce qu'on a fai au Bon Dieu. Chinese = noiche, Arabe = rebue, juif is a feuj. (165).
-- talk about personal money in terms of what you don't have, or sales (which are only during certain times of the year, enforced by the police, which derive from medieval guilds)
lebonplan.
la vie chere
talk about the economy has increased - in 2000, it was very rare. Now it's more common, to the detriment of public sentiment about unions.
"right leaning French call France's mandatory social security contribution charges sociales to stress how much they cost business and employers. Left leaning French use the term cotisations (contributions, implicitly suggesting that the French like sharing their wealth, or at least do so willingly." (201). Often do work without knowing how much they'll be paid. "in professional situations they are more likely to wax on about children and holidays than talk dollars and cents."
French women participated in public life earlier and more deeply than elsehwere, notes a book called Les Parisiens,
Marquise de Rambouillet - founded influential early French salon
Madame de Pompadour
Madame de Stael
George Sand
Colette
Simone de Beauvoir
Marguerite Duras
Coco Chanel
Sarah Bernhardt
Marie Cure (223)
laicite: government policy that exludes religion from anything related to states and institutions "you will never hear a French minister say 'God bless France' or 'in God we trust' or see one pray in public.'" Was founded in 19th century to fight Catholic extremists opposed to demoractic institutions. Idea was not to guarantee freedom of religion, but freedom from religion.
National Front is the only party willing to talk about race and communities (versus just individual citizens); France doesn't even collect data on country of origin, immigration status, race, or religion.
February 15, 2024
I learned so much and could understand so much more about the French and French culture after reading this book. It rang so true. I could honestly visualize my French friends in this book. I've visited and actually have had many experiences with French people. (My daughter lived in France for about two years.) This book will help me so much as I continue to interact with them in the future. My only let-down is in the politics arena. I still know so little there.
August 21, 2022
Overall enjoyed this- there was some good tips and tricks sometimes got a bit stale but overall good!
May 12, 2019
Freelance journalists Julie Barlow and Jean-Benoit Nadeau moved with their daughters to Paris for a year to write this book. As native Quebecers they were already fluent in French, and in fact had already lived in Paris some years earlier. And yet, they found that the city and its inhabitants had changed since their last expat experience.
What The Bonjour Effect details is not how to speak French, but the conversation and language conventions used by the French. It’s more of a social history, with a large dose of language and linguistics thrown in.
For example, the first chapter explains in detail why saying Bonjour or Bonsoir is so important to the French. And then Nadeau and Barlow explain why visitors to France want to do the same. It’s so much more than a word. It’s an attitude, and when used by a non-French visitor, conveys respect and an attempt to understand the culture.
But this book is so much more. The authors explain why the French are so pessimistic. And how they hate to be wrong, something to which answering tourist questions makes them vulnerable. On the positive side, Barlow and Nadeau learned a lot about the French education system during their stay. Having kids in school introduced them to more about French families and child-rearing perspectives as well.
My conclusions
I bought this book shortly after we decided to travel to France this year. But, reading life being what it is, I didn’t start it until a few days before our trip started. So I was reading it while we were in France.
The timing turned out to be perfect. I was on top of my Bonjours from the start. And as I read about French culture, I was also seeing it in action in our hotel, the museums, and most especially the Metro. Now I know why people looked askance at me when I went to the hotel’s breakfast buffet alone one morning. In France people rarely eat alone, and are even a little suspicious of people who do so. For the record, my sweetie isn’t a breakfast person, nor was he feeling well that morning.
I had information at my fingertips when I noticed the differences between French families and U.S. families. For one, I thought French parents looked like they’d had kids earlier. Barlow and Nadeau confirmed that was likely. And French kids behaved amazingly well in a variety of settings. I noticed it most on our five-hour train trip. The kids in the seats just in front of us were engaged, peaceful, and incredibly well-behaved.
While I haven’t read other books with which to make a comparison, I do know that this particular book was the perfect accompaniment to our trip. It’s more learned than My Part-Time Paris Life, but not the slightest bit stuffy. If you’re looking to learn more about 21st century French traditions and behavior, I highly recommend this book. It’s approachable, funny, and a great balance between history and personal stories from the authors.
For more memoirs and other book reviews, please visit my book blog, TheBibliophage.com.
What The Bonjour Effect details is not how to speak French, but the conversation and language conventions used by the French. It’s more of a social history, with a large dose of language and linguistics thrown in.
For example, the first chapter explains in detail why saying Bonjour or Bonsoir is so important to the French. And then Nadeau and Barlow explain why visitors to France want to do the same. It’s so much more than a word. It’s an attitude, and when used by a non-French visitor, conveys respect and an attempt to understand the culture.
But this book is so much more. The authors explain why the French are so pessimistic. And how they hate to be wrong, something to which answering tourist questions makes them vulnerable. On the positive side, Barlow and Nadeau learned a lot about the French education system during their stay. Having kids in school introduced them to more about French families and child-rearing perspectives as well.
My conclusions
I bought this book shortly after we decided to travel to France this year. But, reading life being what it is, I didn’t start it until a few days before our trip started. So I was reading it while we were in France.
The timing turned out to be perfect. I was on top of my Bonjours from the start. And as I read about French culture, I was also seeing it in action in our hotel, the museums, and most especially the Metro. Now I know why people looked askance at me when I went to the hotel’s breakfast buffet alone one morning. In France people rarely eat alone, and are even a little suspicious of people who do so. For the record, my sweetie isn’t a breakfast person, nor was he feeling well that morning.
I had information at my fingertips when I noticed the differences between French families and U.S. families. For one, I thought French parents looked like they’d had kids earlier. Barlow and Nadeau confirmed that was likely. And French kids behaved amazingly well in a variety of settings. I noticed it most on our five-hour train trip. The kids in the seats just in front of us were engaged, peaceful, and incredibly well-behaved.
While I haven’t read other books with which to make a comparison, I do know that this particular book was the perfect accompaniment to our trip. It’s more learned than My Part-Time Paris Life, but not the slightest bit stuffy. If you’re looking to learn more about 21st century French traditions and behavior, I highly recommend this book. It’s approachable, funny, and a great balance between history and personal stories from the authors.
For more memoirs and other book reviews, please visit my book blog, TheBibliophage.com.
April 29, 2020
Four and a half stars.
A few thoughts. First, I was only able to get a hold of the audio version from the library. Big mistake. The reader has a TERRIBLE accent (why was she hired to read a book chock full of French words?!) I will, however, be shelling out to have a paper copy for my collection— high praise, coming from me. As a teacher and lifelong student and enthusiast of French, this book will come in handy as a reference for many things I teach, and to help prepare my students for our exchange.
I do have disagreements with some of their takes, namely that the French avoid talking about politics. Maybe my experience is tainted, though, since I am an American, and my most recent visits to France have been during the (albeit polar opposite) presidencies of two very conversation-worthy men, I find the French dinner table is guaranteed to bring up politics. In fact, I make it a point to teach the students in my exchange program about the French political system and terminology, and how to express their views. I tell them they need to have an opinion, or be ready with good questions to turn back to the French if they don’t have an opinion (or their Americanness makes them feel uncomfortable to share). The students are always glad to have been trained, and most come back to tell me that they were, indeed, questioned about politics or about the US President. But again, maybe it’s because the French can start by talking about US politics with a foreigner like myself (and they always seem to know more about my own government’s politics than me), so the situation is unique and brings down their guard.
Anyway, I would be curious to hear what the writers think about current global populist movements, new movements in gender inclusivity, and the bac reforms.
I always enjoy their books.
A few thoughts. First, I was only able to get a hold of the audio version from the library. Big mistake. The reader has a TERRIBLE accent (why was she hired to read a book chock full of French words?!) I will, however, be shelling out to have a paper copy for my collection— high praise, coming from me. As a teacher and lifelong student and enthusiast of French, this book will come in handy as a reference for many things I teach, and to help prepare my students for our exchange.
I do have disagreements with some of their takes, namely that the French avoid talking about politics. Maybe my experience is tainted, though, since I am an American, and my most recent visits to France have been during the (albeit polar opposite) presidencies of two very conversation-worthy men, I find the French dinner table is guaranteed to bring up politics. In fact, I make it a point to teach the students in my exchange program about the French political system and terminology, and how to express their views. I tell them they need to have an opinion, or be ready with good questions to turn back to the French if they don’t have an opinion (or their Americanness makes them feel uncomfortable to share). The students are always glad to have been trained, and most come back to tell me that they were, indeed, questioned about politics or about the US President. But again, maybe it’s because the French can start by talking about US politics with a foreigner like myself (and they always seem to know more about my own government’s politics than me), so the situation is unique and brings down their guard.
Anyway, I would be curious to hear what the writers think about current global populist movements, new movements in gender inclusivity, and the bac reforms.
I always enjoy their books.
November 13, 2016
Must read for anyone who learned French as a second language, travels to France or just knows French people. A staggeringly accurate deciphering of French culture and conventions for les etrangers. These two Québécois journalists reflect on their time spent living in Paris, and the "codes" of French conversation that they encountered : according to them, the French insist on conversing in strict invisible rules (codes) that are hard for foreigners to decipher, and without which communication becomes frustrating or leads to a dead end. The book takes its title from the first and most important "code" of speaking French : every conversation starts with the exchange of "Bonjour" no matter what. Well researched, with wonderful personal anecdotes from their travels around France and their experience of everyday life in Paris. I especially enjoyed learning about the French education system, and the authors' theories for the rise of the National Front. A lire!
November 2, 2016
This book is a must read for anyone learning French, living in France, or planning to visit France, or simply interested in culture.
June 21, 2023
I read The Bonjour Effect because I recently made acquaintance with a French family living near Strasbourg. We have been enjoying a weekly language exchange on Zoom: for 20 minutes I teach English to the "tweens "of the family, and for 20 minutes we all speak in French. I thought it might be interesting to read a few chapters of The Bonjour Effect and ask the family members if they agreed with the author's perspectives. We discussed the importance of saying "Bonjour" at the outset of every conversation with the French, the difference between a friend and an acquaintance in France, French education, French manners at the table, how the French discipline their children, the French love of art, geography and history, and several other interesting cross-cultural comparisons. We did NOT discuss politics, religion, or immigration. In general, the French family agreed with the author on her perpectives. I'm grateful that a friend shared The Bonjour Effect with me as it enriched my conversations during our language exchange. I think this book would benefit anyone who is really trying to understand life in France de nos jours.
March 8, 2019
I have been looking for a book like this for a long time, as my main problem when learning French turned out to be not the vocabulary or the grammar, but the fact that I had no idea what to say to people. Every single conversation in every textbook that I saw seemed to go in an extremely weird and unexpected direction, and I remember sending my teacher into a fit of uncontrollable laughter when I said that I couldn't possibly talk to strangers because I had not yet learnt the subjunctive mood. I'd be rude, you see.
The Bonjour Effect describes the general principles of the French discourse as well as the topics that are polite to touch upon and how exactly one might talk about them. The characters in my French textbook are no longer mysterious and the way their conversations go are a lot less unexpected.
The Bonjour Effect describes the general principles of the French discourse as well as the topics that are polite to touch upon and how exactly one might talk about them. The characters in my French textbook are no longer mysterious and the way their conversations go are a lot less unexpected.
November 2, 2024
Idk guys, it takes a lot for me to like a nonfiction book icl. ASPECTS of this were a bit illuminating in terms of the conversations I’ve had in France - notably the Bonjour thing! I have started saying bonjour way more than before reading this. But my main problem with this book is just the sweeping generalisations - and the authors do address this in the intro, but acknowledging it doesn’t erase it. The claim that the French never say je ne sais pas bc they cannot bear to be seen not to know is something I find quite inconceivable after - admittedly, not a very long time in France - but having heard plenty of je ne sais pas from lots of frenchies. Also this claim is followed by a chapter claiming pretty much the opposite - that the French love conversational doubt, linking this back to Descartes and the sceptics. Idk, maybe I didn’t understand it all very well but some of the things they said just seem quite unfounded. I will bear in mind the stuff about conversational taboos, however, and I think the political chapters at the end were interesting.
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October 23, 2023I confess that I did not finish this - mostly because the library loan ran out, and my trip to France ensued, and my French is terrible anyway so it's not like I'm doing a lot of conversing en français. But what I did read was pretty interesting, and if your French is better and you're about to go live in France (or visit for a long while), it would likely be very useful, and even fun.
And even if you aren't about to move to France, and you don't speak French all that well, it's a little snap shot of French culture especially vis-à-vis how they raise their children.
And even if you aren't about to move to France, and you don't speak French all that well, it's a little snap shot of French culture especially vis-à-vis how they raise their children.
January 27, 2024
A really helpful book about French culture focused on language and conversation. I appreciated that this was written by a couple from Quebec who have lived both in and outside France but also have a natural familiarity with the differences between the language and customs in Quebec vs. France. I've visited Paris several times and while reading this book some of my previous experiences and interactions started to make more sense to me. I think this would be really helpful for anyone who wants to spend time in France.
November 28, 2020
This book exceeded my expectations - I was up for a humorous conversation guide, but I got so much bonus learning about French history and culture.
The second section of the book focuses on the "content" of French conversation, and it was very enlightening. So many important pieces of a nation are wrapped in its language, and the authors did an excellent job of bringing many of those pieces together.
The second section of the book focuses on the "content" of French conversation, and it was very enlightening. So many important pieces of a nation are wrapped in its language, and the authors did an excellent job of bringing many of those pieces together.
April 24, 2021
J'ai adoré ce livre.
March 3, 2020
This book was highly informative, helpful, and entertaining. I'm really glad I picked it up!
July 19, 2024
read for ap but overall this was super interesting. i like the mix of research, statistics, and anecdotal experiences and it was super easy to understand!
July 25, 2019
I read this to prepare for a trip to France. It was helpful to understand the culture I think. We will see if that holds true in reality.
March 23, 2018
My two favorite journalist/linguists don't disappoint. If you want a deeper look into the subtleties of French language and conversation as well as some interesting historical background behind words and expressions then this is a must read.
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