Holding The Horse

Moongazing

Mum, we’re back. The river was freezing! Sid dumped his towel on the kitchen floor and ran down the hall. I’m just getting my jumper, he called.

He flung open the bedroom door and froze. The wall with his collection of newspaper cuttings was bare. Only shreds of newsprint now hung from drawing pins. The faded green and gold wallpaper was peppered with dark patches where his precious cuttings had been pinned. He stared around wildly, then hurtled back to the kitchen.

Who did it?

Sid, dear... Mum smoothed her hair back from her forehead. Your father...

He did that?

His mother spread her hands. I tried to tell him they were important to you.

"Important? Obviously they’re important. Why else would they be on the wall? I’ve been saving those for years. All the top jockeys. Bill Broughton. Jim Ellis. All their wins."

I know, said Mum.

Where has he put them?

Mum’s gaze slid to the fireplace. They’re in the firewood box, next to the coal range.

Sid rushed to the firewood box. Well, I’m getting them out.

He’ll notice, said Mum.

Let him notice. I don’t care. Those are mine. He had no right to touch them.

Mum sighed. It bothers him, Sid. The racing. He doesn’t like it that you’re so interested.

I’ll hide them. Sid scooped up the newspaper cuttings from where they had been dumped, then scrabbled through the wood box, searching for any that might have slipped down and hidden themselves among the lumps of wood. At least he didn’t screw them up. Or burn them. Yet.

Look! He held up a flimsy, faded piece of newsprint with a photograph. Jim Ellis flying along the track. And this one – Bill Broughton entering the birdcage.

I know, said Mum.

Sid gathered them all and ran outside. Where could he hide them? The barn. Yes, hide them in the barn. But was that safe? Was anywhere safe, now that Dad was home?

Dinner was on the table when he came back in. His twin brothers, hair wet from the river, sat side by side. They looked like small, rumpled owls with their eyes big in their freckled faces and their sandy hair sticking up in all directions. He took his place next to his little sister, Ruby. Hey, Rubes. Hungry? He rubbed his tummy, raising his eyebrows. She nodded, grinning. Ruby was deaf. Infantile meningitis. Sid knew what those words meant.

Here you go, Sid. Beryl, his older sister, handed him his plate. Bangers and mash. Your favourite.

It is, actually, said Sid, grabbing his knife and fork.

Beryl put on her sweetest voice. Been out on Hugh, then? Practising your racing?

That’ll do, Beryl. Mum straightened her apron. Hugh’s a good old horse for going across the paddocks and down to the river. You just leave Sid alone. He’s allowed to dream. She frowned. There’s more than one dreamer around here. You let that fire go out, and you know we need hot water for the dishes. And as for your father...

Sid and Beryl looked at each other. Yes, as for him... Mum said he was shell-shocked, but it just seemed like he hated everybody.

Sid was sure that his dad despised him, especially. He hardly ever spoke to him. He would sit behind his newspaper, but Sid could tell he wasn’t reading it. He never turned a page. Then he’d suddenly dump the paper down, pick up his hat and stalk out of the house without a word.

He glanced at Dad’s empty chair, at the head of the table. Is Dad here for dinner?

He should be. Mum opened the door and peered out, then she picked up Dad’s dinner and put it in the oven. I’ll keep it warm for him. Let’s hope he comes home before it’s all dried out.

Sid nodded. Privately, he hoped Dad wouldn’t come back. At least, not until later, after they’d had their dinner in peace.

The war, far away, had ended on the second of September 1945. That was last year. Dad had returned from fighting in Crete. Sid’s friend Rick had also got his dad back from fighting in the Pacific. Rick’s dad seemed fine. He was behind the counter in the corner shop, weighing out flour and sugar like he’d never been away. Rick was lucky. His father seemed normal.

Sid ate fast, clearing his plate long before anyone else. He put it in the sink, then sidled towards the door. The evening was clear and fine, and there was plenty of time before bed.

Hold your horses, Sidney Everett. Where are you going?

Sid jumped. Just outside, Mum.

You did your homework after school, didn’t you?

Yes.

All of it? asked Mum.

Yes, said Sid.

Wood brought in?

Sid had no answer for that.

Bring a load in, Sidney, before it gets dark. Mum bent and picked up Ruby, who was clinging to her skirt. Come on Ruby, let’s get you ready for bed. Ruby reached out an arm towards Sid and made a soft noise.

He crossed the floor and kissed her on the cheek. Night night, Rubes. He rumpled her curls. Sleep tight. He mimed an enormous yawn, patting his mouth. Ruby grinned. She waved to Sid over her mother’s shoulder as she was carried off.

Sid picked up the wood bucket and headed for the door.

Outside, the evening was fresh and smelled of the forest. He paused for a moment. Crickets sang in the darkening garden, and a dog barked somewhere in the distance. The moon was a bright crescent in the deep blue of the eastern sky, rising above the ridge where spikes of pine trees stood up like the fur on the family dog when she was growling at something. Sid walked over to the woodpile and filled the wood bucket from the stack of split firewood, the lumps of dry wood tumbling brown and gold as they fell inside. He lugged the bucket into the house and dumped it into the woodbox beside the fire. Then he went back out for another load.

Old Hugh stamped and snuffled in his paddock over the fence. Sid could hear him munching grass. The warm smell of horse and dry grass drifted on the still air. Sid put down the bucket and slipped between the fence wires. He leaned against the horse and pressed the side of his face against Hugh’s neck, breathing in the familiar horsey smell. Poor old Hugh. You can’t help being a plodder, can you? Hugh dipped his head and chomped companionably. Sid lingered, watching the moon sail higher into the sky above the pine trees on the ridge.

Sid! Beryl’s nearby voice made him jump. He spun around.

Beryl, what are you doing out here?

Just looking at the moon. It’s beautiful.

Sid glanced back up at the sky. I suppose so. He climbed back through the fence, grabbed the wood bucket and filled it quickly, the lumps of wood clanging against the bucket as he threw them in, then he headed for the back door. Darkness was falling fast. Lamplight spilled out of the doorway and across the dirt path.

Is Beryl out there? Mum’s voice sounded tired.

Yeah, said Sid. She’s looking at the moon.

She’s dreaming again. Mum shook her head. A family of dreamers.

Don’t worry, Mum. Sid grinned at his mother. We’ve got our feet on the ground.

Mum smiled. Thanks, Sid. Of course you have. You’re all good kids. You never let me down, any of you, all through the war. She brushed a wisp of hair from her forehead. Wash the dishes now, will you, Sid? There’s a good boy. The twins can dry.

Mum? Can I have a tin? For the newspaper cuttings.

Of course you can, Sid. Mum reached up to a high cupboard. I haven’t done much baking lately. Plenty of empty tins. She handed Sid a round tin with a picture of a man and a woman in Victorian dress. Mackintosh’s toffees. You can have this one.

Thanks, Mum. Sid hesitated. Do you think he’ll notice the cuttings are gone from the wood box?

I think he’ll assume they’ve been burnt, said Mum. I hope so. Or he might even have forgotten all about it. You just never know.

All right, thanks Mum. I’ll be back in a minute, and I’ll wash the dishes.

Good boy, said Mum. Get them done. And if Dad comes in before you go to bed, you just clear off smartly. Don’t say a word about anything. I don’t want another row.

Toheroa Season

Sid jumped awake, his eyes staring into darkness, his ears straining. Someone was moving around outside in the shed. The clang of a bucket and the sound of a wooden box scraping along a floor carried clearly on the night air. After years of his father being away, Sid’s instinct to protect his mother and siblings was strong. He slept lightly and woke alert. He raised himself on one elbow level with the window and eased the curtain aside just enough to see out.

Lamplight was shining from the open shed doorway. Sid hunched up on the bed, peering out into the darkness. He saw the lanky silhouette of his father emerge, staggering a little, and begin then weaving its way up the path towards the house. Dad was carrying a lantern and bucket and something large was draped over his shoulder. The kitchen door banged, and Sid heard the murmur of voices. Voices that were getting louder. Mum and Dad arguing.

He slid down from the bed and crept across to the door.

Sid! One of the twins had woken. Sid, what’s happening?

Dunno. Dad brought a load of stuff in from the shed.

What’s the time?

I don’t know, said Sid. It feels like midnight.

Dad was shouting. Mum’s footsteps approached along the hallway.

Boys? Mum opened the bedroom door. Boys, your father wants everybody up. The light was behind her, so Sid couldn’t see her face, but her voice was strained.

Why, Mum? he asked.

Just get up, Sidney. Straight away. Bill? Bruce? Up you get. Your father wants you. I’m going to wake the girls.

Shivering, the family assembled in the kitchen. Sid and Beryl looked at each other. Ruby began to cry, and Beryl picked her up and held her close. The twins, wearing matching pyjamas, stood together with pinched faces. Only their eyes moved from Dad to Mum, following the conversation.

Toheroa season! Dad was bellowing. It’s toheroa season! Jack told me. We’re meeting him on the beach. He glared around at his family as if waiting for someone to disagree. It’s the first day of the season. We’ll be the first ones on the beach!

Sid had always loved digging for the fat shellfish, his hands scooping sand as fast as they could as the toheroa dug deep, trying to escape. He’d been looking forward to the season, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t starting yet. Not that he was going to argue. Things didn’t seem normal right now. He didn’t dare move, but his eyes met his mother’s. She nodded almost imperceptibly. Did that mean it truly was toheroa season? Or did she just mean for them to go along with it?

He looked at Ruby, peeping from the safety of Beryl’s arms, and mimed digging with his hands, then he formed the long oval of a toheroa.

Ruby whimpered. She started shaking her head, and her mouth turned down. Her eyes grew fearful. Last year, one of the giant shellfish had closed itself tight on her finger. Nobody had brought a knife, and without a knife, they couldn’t open it. She cried all the way home, a toheroa grimly clamped on her little hand.

Dad roared, Beryl! Let her stand on her own feet! She’s not a baby!

Beryl slid Ruby to the floor, where she stood shivering in her pyjamas, tears silently running down her cheeks.

Mum stepped forward. Perhaps, my dear, it’s best if Ruby doesn’t go. She’s only six years old...

I need everyone! Dad towered over her. "Mary, you