It's Not My Fault: Reclaiming Leadership and Values

It’s Not My Fault

Copyright © 2021 by Rose Catalano

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

ISBN

978-1-956529-39-5 (Paperback)

978-1-956529-40-1 (eBook)

"Everything flows, and Nothing abides, Everything gives way, and

Nothing stays fixed."

—Heraclitus

This book is dedicated to my daughter, Sabina, and my son, David, whose search for authenticity not only matches but surpasses my own.

May every hour of every day be filled with wonder.

Love, mom/rc

IT’S NOT MY FAULT

"Knowledge is of no value unless you

put it into practice."

— Anton Pavlovich Chekhov

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Prologue

Chapter 1   Viewpoints

Chapter 2   Positive Emotions

Chapter 3   The Nature Of Discourse

Chapter 4   A Vision For The New

Chapter 5   The Power Of Simplicity

Chapter 6   Actualities

Chapter 7   Motivating Excuses

Chapter 8   Blunders And Blunderers

Chapter 9   The Face Of Different Values

Acknowledgements

PROLOGUE

Do you often find yourself so busy that you can’t even afford to take a short break? Are you too busy to set priorities? Is your mind so filled with work that you find it hard to relax at the end of the day?

If so, you are not alone. As an independent business owner, I have witnessed enough hustle and bustle over the years to make anyone’s head spin. I’ve heard stories from other business people that could serve as the plot lines for movies and TV shows. I’ve had that frustrating but all-too-common experience of seeing an entire day disappear in what feels like a few minutes, only to realize that the pile of work on my desk hasn’t budged an inch.

For over three decades, I’ve busied myself with the running of two security companies, and as the hands-on owner/operator of these businesses, I have gained substantial experience navigating high-pressure situations. Almost every day on the job brought new stresses and challenges. I’ve met make-or-break project deadlines that threatened serious consequences if I was a minute late. I’ve learned to keep my composure when an odd tingling sensation took hold of my nerves as I faced agendas that seemed impossible to work through. I have sweated through tricky encounters with over-excited employees and confrontational customers. In the end, it all got done because I was able to adopt what I call conflict-resolution sensibility. This mindset, which involves equal doses of grit and diplomacy, rests on the idea that strong values and well-developed people skills can get you through any problem you are likely to face in business or life. This book will show you how to cultivate a conflict-resolution sensibility and apply that mindset to every aspect of your life and career.

Resolving conflict is not always about compromise. It also involves learning how and when to stand your ground, ideally without alienating others. Over the years, I’ve learned to rely on proven negotiating techniques as a means to pacify uncooperative suppliers and closed-minded officials. There were times when the burdens placed on my business by government regulations became so overwhelming that I considered abandoning entrepreneurship altogether. But I did not give in to the pressure, or give up on my companies. Instead, I stood firm and fought.

Quitting might have been an easy way out, but it wasn’t a sensible option for me. The better alternative was to follow my sixth sense and to mitigate those challenging circumstances with optimism and determination. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t let negative experiences or power-plays by rivals and people in authority prevent me from achieving my goals.

In our busy and competitive world, every decision we make, whether at work or at home, serves as a reflection of our beliefs, values, hopes, and ambitions. Our beliefs and actions amount to a collective set of statements about what we value most in life, and how we plan to pursue and achieve our dreams. Every creative idea has the potential to become a reality. Every minute of every day, our actions both reflect and determine how we have chosen to live, and how we plan to move forward with our life.

I often encounter people who feel overwhelmed or discouraged by the hand they’ve been dealt. They weren’t born rich, or they didn’t get enough emotional support growing up, or they lack self-esteem, or doubt their ability to compete in today’s business world. I remind them of the old Roman proverb, Carpe Diem, which, as most of us know by now, means to seize the day. Carpe Diem reminds us of the simple truth that we all have agency — or the power to change our own lives — and that we can and must chase our own happiness. Seizing the day means not passing up an opportunity to further your career or to improve some other aspect of your life. It can mean taking the opportunity to treat yourself to something you’ve longed for.

Seizing the day means not letting hesitation or fear hold you back.

To live according to the values set out by this well-known Latin phrase, you may need to evolve. The first and most important step involves finding the self-discipline to overcome fear.

Whenever you feel hesitant about something you know, deep down, could improve your life or your business, force yourself to take the opportunity or do the thing that’s scaring you. Connect with the fear, recognize it for what it so often is — an opportunity to grow — and take the step that your cautious mind is telling you to avoid.

Of course, there are real dangers in the world, and I’m not suggesting you embrace those. But if you’re faced with an opportunity and you’re scared because you’ll have to extend yourself beyond your comfort zone, that’s your cue to advance, not retreat. Make the switch from hesitation to facilitation and avoid falling into the trap of guessing how things might have been if only a lack of courage and self-confidence had not sabotaged the opportunity. By taking action, you will inevitably learn something you need to know. This works in your favour, whether the initial risk proves fruitful or not. It is by taking action and pushing through discomfort that we grow. When this happens, we get smarter. The smarter we become, the closer we get to achieving our potential and realizing our dreams.

Decades of experience with this cycle of pushing through uncertainty, seizing opportunity, and achieving my goals has left me with a burning desire to share my insights into this process. As I thought about the everyday practices and values that most resonated with me, I was driven to grab a pen and paper and jot down the full list.

But the list that keeps evolving and harmonizing in my head is too long. I’ve had to settle for an abbreviated version that highlights only the most important qualities I believe make us who we are and what we stand for. These are:

LOVE

Although we associate love with making the heart skip a beat, love is also that special emotion that brings a natural feeling of sharing and personal contentment. In the grand scheme of things, without love, material possessions mean little. Loving what we do, loving others, and loving to help people in need, all work to generate a feedback loop of positivity. The more love we give and receive, the happier and less anxious we are. When we have the support of someone we love, we’re better equipped to face and cope with daily stressors.

CREATIVITY

Being creative engages the mind and allows us to shake off obstacles. Creativity encourages us to seek out ways to lift our spirits — by reading, shopping, cooking, talking to a friend, going for long walks, or listening to music, for example. Creativity allows us to try new strategies for solving problems, and can boost morale when we’re feeling down or discouraged. When we’re creative, we challenge old habits and routines and figure out new ways to make our life and work more fun.

EFFECTIVENESS

To be effective is to put in motion the capabilities that produce desired results. Being effective connects us to our intentions and gets us closer to our goals. To maintain effectiveness one needs to constantly work on practices, know when to take breaks, and be willing to keep learning and developing new skills, long after we leave school. In business, effectiveness equals a healthy bottom line and high-quality results.

FREEDOM

Freedom allows us to be who we are. It gives us the opportunity to voice our opinions and pursue happiness without fear of rejection, restriction, or retribution. Freedom can take many forms. It can be interpreted as individual freedom, political freedom, financial freedom, freedom of expression, or it can take other forms. Without some or all of these forms of freedom, we can’t be our authentic selves, and we can’t achieve success in business or life.

Freedom is the bedrock and the minimum requirement for achieving our goals.

LOYALTY

Loyalty is an indispensable quality in relationships and in business. Loyalty implies that a person is serious about keeping commitments and dedications. To be loyal does not mean to be submissive. In business, loyalty translates into enhanced productivity, reduced turnover, and improved margins.

INTEGRITY

This is a core quality for leadership roles. It demands truthfulness, honesty, and a moral conviction to do what’s right. Without integrity, we’ll set ourselves up to fail both at work and at home.

DISCIPLINE

Discipline promotes stability and structure, and allows us to be effective in business and in other parts of life. Without some form of discipline, everything and everyone around us would be in a constant state of chaos.

PERSONAL GROWTH

Personal growth refers to the process that helps us develop the capabilities and potential to reach our dreams and aspirations. Growth happens when we push through discomfort and challenge ourselves to learn and do new things.

SIMPLICITY

Living simply does not mean having to make do with less in life. Simplicity helps us focus on what is important, and highlights what is essential to live well. Simplicity also saves energy by cutting out unnecessary processes.

I believe that if you can manage to combine all or most of these traits, qualities, and approaches, you can achieve just about anything you set out to achieve.

Achieving your goals — setting yourself up for success and emotional contentment— requires hard work, perseverance, and solid commitments. It’s up to you to figure out how much effort you’re willing to put into becoming a productive member of society, and how willing you are to learn from your mistakes.

LEADERS, FOLLOWERS, AND SLACKERS

This book is about identifying and understanding the options available to us both in our everyday life and in the workplace.

We can choose to be a leader, a follower, or a slacker. We might as well make the choice consciously, with an understanding of the costs and benefits of each position.

To be a leader does not mean that one has to have a big title, exceed a certain pay rate, or constantly flaunt one’s authority. Leadership means having the determination and drive to motivate others and be in constant pursuit of the greater good.

We may choose to be a follower because it’s easier than the alternative. It’s certainly easier to be an employee than it is to start a business, be the boss, or even serve as a manager of a group or organization. And it’s not always bad to be a follower. This is especially true for anyone who doesn’t adjust well to change and who wishes to live their life within their comfort zone.

Choosing to be a slacker is different. A slacker does the least amount possible, often not only in work but also in other parts of life. We can choose to be the person with the least output possible, day in and day out, but we should know the costs of such a decision. We should also know why we’re making that choice. Often it’s not because of limited options, but because a person is in denial about their situation or simply doesn’t see the point of pushing the needle of responsibility too far.

Whatever we choose to do in life, we need to be prepared to take responsibility for our actions or inactions. Only then we can make our way to personal and professional preparedness.

This book explores these three different approaches to life and work. It does so through a combination of anecdotal evidence (stories based on composites of people I have known or heard about, not actual individuals) and my own analysis, drawn in part from philosophy, cognitive science, and books about business. My intention here is to guide the reader through some examples of different approaches you can take to responsibility in life and on the job, and in doing so, to help each person see themselves and their choices more clearly.

ETHICS

Underlying all of this is an argument about ethics. This book starts from the position that personal and business ethics are worth cultivating and preserving. An awareness of ethical practices can set us on the right path for ourselves, our colleagues, our friends, our family members and our employees. Most of us want to live a wonderful life full of riches and good health, but not all of us know how to get there, or are willing to put in the work required to set up strong, ethical relationships in business and life. An understanding of ethics, and a willingness to do the work of putting ethical goals into practice, will take you a very long way. This book aims to show you how to get there.

Unavoidably, some of the examples in this book fall into the category of cautionary tales. While there is great value in highlighting positive examples of ethical behaviour, there is also much to be gained by exploring the consequences of unethical behaviour, along with corresponding lessons learned.

Some of what I have to say here may strike certain readers as too critical. To those readers, I would say: Gentle advice doesn’t always get results. If we really want to strengthen our values and live more ethically, sometimes we have to start by gaining a clearer understanding of what we have been saying and doing to harm or diminish ourselves and others up to the point when we decided to make a change.

Part of the impetus for this book comes from my frustration and astonishment with people who consistently underperform in the workplace, and then refuse to take responsibility for their actions. To the extent that my writing explores the problem of dodging responsibility, the whole narrative can be considered an extended cautionary tale.

If you want to leave your values unexamined, and if you’re determined to avoid taking full responsibility for the job you do, then you may accomplish a little, but you’re unlikely to accomplish a lot. The life of a person who refuses to work hard or take responsibility for their actions is always going to be somewhat stunted. But if you have read this far, then congratulations! That fact alone means that you’re truly interested in taking charge of your life, clarifying your value system, and learning to live and work more ethically. In these pages, we’ll journey through the good, the bad, and the ugly of workplace values and ethics. By the end, I promise you will have a clearer sense of how to conduct yourself in this complex world of ours. And if you’re a business leader, I hope you’ll gain a better understanding of why your employees sometimes say and do the things they do, and what can be done to encourage everyone in your organization to take more responsibility for their actions on behalf of the company.

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 1

VIEWPOINTS

People like to complain. They like to be heard, and they don’t always care if their arguments or opinions are factual or fair.

During my career in the service industry, I have learned to take statements of discontent and claims of wrongfulness seriously, but not too seriously. I’ve heard countless complaints throughout my business days, and many of those have been debatable. Often, when someone complains bitterly to a service provider, they are venting frustrations that began somewhere else. Maybe they fought with their spouse over breakfast. Maybe their teenager told them they hated them. When doing business, and especially when providing a service to the