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    The Fairy Tale Book of Bifford C. Wellington
    The Fairy Tale Book of Bifford C. Wellington
    The Fairy Tale Book of Bifford C. Wellington
    Ebook133 pages1 hour

    The Fairy Tale Book of Bifford C. Wellington

    By T.A. Young and Theodore Gallmeyer

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    About this ebook

     

    Birds become trees, and trees, birds; stars and old men change positions as easily as changing seats.

    Welcome to the fantastical world of The Fairy Tale Book of Bifford C. Wellington, a collection of stories from the elusive T. A. Young. The usual hierarchy of fairy tale characters is gone - all have their s

    LanguageEnglish
    Publisher138 In Progress Publishing
    Release dateApr 25, 2017
    ISBN9780998276861
    The Fairy Tale Book of Bifford C. Wellington
    Author

    T.A. Young

    t. a. young autobiography For the sake of brevity, we need go back no farther than the origin of the universe - let's call it 14.5 billion years ago - where all of the solid parts began and, probably simultaneously, the motions great and small, spiraling, parabolic and linear, kicked off, determining the relationship of all matter right up to an hour or so ago, when I spilled my coffee and everything went to hell. Of course, if you are a creationist, we're looking at six thousand years ago; my own origins are neither more nor less determined under this theory....er....fact. Then again, if you are a solipsist, as defined in Webster's dictionary as "a resident of the borough of Manhattan in the city of New York," I do not exist at all, except as a momentary blur in your existence. Alas, we've run out of time, but I think we've covered the important stuff; the rest is pretty run of the mill. We can conclude that I have as much to do with what I am as a diamond or a dust bunny with what it is. And that really takes the pressure off: I'm like a pantheistic Quaker. Om. TY

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      Book preview

      The Fairy Tale Book of Bifford C. Wellington - T.A. Young

      THE LITERARY PANTHEON SINGS ITS PRAISES

      I must confess these tales easily surpass the originals. Brilliant.

      — JACOB GRIMM

      I imagine myself sitting across from Wellington, discussing these stories until a slot machine opens up.

      — H.C. ANDERSON

      Be careful, Wellington. They banished me for less.

      — PUBLIUS OVIDIUS NASO

      Knocked me out of my shoe.

      — CINDERELLA

      Dazzling! I feel sleep-deprived.

      — SCHEHERAZADE

      If I catch that plagiarizing toad anywhere near my office, I’m going to kill him.

      — MOTHER GOOSE

      "These stories. True? Not true?

      Eh! Does it even matter?

      Only that the matter is in the matter.

      And I have no idea what I mean by that."

      — PICO KAFKA

      (author of The Trinity of Stooges)

      I’m not one to exaggerate, so when I tell you this collection is astonishing, the grandest achievement of mankind, a colossus that makes the Pillars of Hercules look like a couple of chipped Legos, you can trust me.

      — FRANÇOIS RABELAIS

      Wellington has spun straw into gold, and that’s no yarn.

      — ALEXIS WEAVER

      "Does exactly what literature is supposed to do: it creates order of chaos or, more accurately, gives the appearance of order where there is only chaos.

      Phenomenal!"

      — I. KANT

      (No, really. I Kant.)

      Dizzying! Left me on Cloud Nine!

      — IXION

      "A story is a story, sure, but the art! A triumph!

      The images make this one for the ages.

      I almost missed dinner."

      — RAPHAEL TINTORETTO

      The Fairy Tale Book

      OF BIFFORD C. WELLINGTON

      by T. A. Young

      illustrated by

      theodore gallmeyer

      138 IN PROGRESS PUBLISHING

      NEW YORK

      138 In Progress Publishing

      Dover Plains, New York

      www.138inprogresspublishing.com

      The Fairy Tale Book Of Bifford C. Wellington

      Copyright © 2014 T.A.Young. All rights reserved. Published in the United States by 138 In Progress Publishing. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information, please address: Marian Grudko, senior editor, at [email protected]

      Cover art & illustrations copyright © 2015 theodore gallmeyer.

      All rights reserved.

      Art production provided by theodore gallmeyer.

      www.verticalpen.com

      Edited by Marian Grudko

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2015919199

      ISBN: 978-0-9982768-1-6

      ISBN: 978-0-9982768-6-1 (e-book)

      Printed in the United States of America

      Third Edition: June 2017

      For Sweetie, Muppit and Maximus

      CONTENTS

      Preface

      The Dragon And The Blue Elf; or, Seeking Pigeons, One Sometimes Finds Dragons

      The Gentle Lad and The Gryphon

      The Wasp and The Butterfly

      The Bird and The Tree

      The Pumpkin Man, The Stupid Man and The Lantern Man

      The Troll’s Promise

      The Ant and Some Kind of Bird

      The Old Man and The Star

      The Secret of The Black Tree

      The Little Family and The Visitor

      The Gnome and The Hobgoblin

      The Princess and The Prince

      The Princess and The Magic Closet

      The Blacksmith and The Billy Goat

      The Princess and The Whole Stinking World

      The Witch and The Clock

      The Blue Forest; or, The Snail and The Number Three

      Horace The Frog Seeks A Story

      The Aardvark and The Seamstress

      The Knight’s Story (A Fragment)

      The Hermit and The Queen

      Postscript

      ILLUSTRATIONS

      In Principio (with view of The Creator’s hand)

      Carl The Evergreen (with his younger brother, Snib, on his right) attending the annual Inspiring Foliage Convention, Magical Forest, 1987. (The irony is not lost on us.)

      The Dragon (Reptilius Maximus Infernus, known locally as Lidlsey Pierce))

      The Elf (Blue) (Darker than Royal Blue, but a bit lighter than sapphire)

      The Wasp (an anagram for swap, paws, and spwa; only the last is relevant)

      The Sparrow - of the family Passeridae (genus smallius birdius)

      A Bridge — This is a columnar variation using the staggered riveting commonly found in the latticed webbing of the laced strut bridge with pile-spliced angles; Baltimore trusses with parallel chords and seasonal orioles; rabbit joints suitable for magical-forest stories about rabbits; babbit-metal forecasters with negative shears and indifferent axes; arch rings; sheet pilings and wall plates randomly positioned in rambling bridge description; floor beams able to bear enormous loads of frivilous nomenclature; nuts & bolts meeting current specifications per state construction codes requiring that things connect in a meaningful way i.e. so they don’t fall apart.

      A Brook Of Icy Water (containing 15mg of oxygen per liter at 0 degrees centigrade, yielding happy fish.)

      The Star – Possibly Procyon, but could be Rigel Kentaurus when he isn’t three sheets to the wind.

      The Black Tree ("Arbore Diaboli Nigri Iratus" Artimius Ligni translation)

      The Gnome (Incredibly good at darts)

      The Cave - Spelunking?

      The Billy-Goat There are exactly 187 fairy tales that have a Billy-goat in them. Fouteen of them have this exact Billy-Goat, but not with this expression.

      The Blue Forest – (see Blue Elf supra, but darker, like between cobalt and azure)

      The Snail (constructed by Matthew Dinch at Conch Labs in Ferdmeeks, California)

      Horace The Frog (Rodin pose)

      A Starling Flying (because he wouldn’t sit still)

      The Talking Forest (Yes, they all talk. If they’re ever quiet, worry.)

      The White Queen (to Queen’s knight 4)

      Gated Eternity from the song, Edge of My Kingdom

      Elephant and Rabbit Degas: It is a terrible thing, Mallarmé. I don’t know what happens. I have such wonderful ideas, but when I write them down, the verse is very bad, and it isn’t poetry. Mallarmé: My dear Degas, poetry is not make of ideas - it is made of words.

      ragons will wander about the waste places, and the phoenix will soar from her nest of fire into the air. We shall lay our hands upon the basilisk, and see the jewel in the toad’s head. Champing his gilded oats, the Hippogriff will stand in our stalls, and over our heads will float the Blue Bird singing of beautiful and impossible things, of things that are lovely and that never happen, of things that are not and that should be. But before this comes to pass we must cultivate the lost

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