Broken and Weary

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Grace’s uniform still fit. She’d been somewhat surprised by that when she’d put it on earlier in the morning, but this was her long anticipated day, and even if it hadn’t fit, Grace wasn’t going to let it get her down. It was Santa day. One of Grace’s favorite days of the year, the day she got to go to the mall—with Amya in tow—and run security for Santa.

He would arrive on a helicopter, which she always volunteered for. Amya chose to stay inside in the warmth, but Grace wanted to see the kids’ reactions to Santa flying in. She was about as giddy as each of them. Grace tightened her jacket around her shoulders, making sure it was zipped. The cold brushed against her cheeks, causing them to bite with the cold. She had no doubt it would snow soon. For some reason, it always did on the day Santa arrived to see the kids. Chuckling, she looked up into the sky with a grin on her face and a lightness to her step.

Why the hell did I let you convince me to come out here, Grace?

She turned sharply at her partner’s voice. Paige Delwin, one of the senior detectives in her unit, someone who was about as blunt as herself and also managed to hold her own against the constant misogyny rampant in the force in general. They had started in Missing Persons roughly at the same time, but Paige had easily fifteen years on Grace in the force. They worked well together, and thus Humbard—their supervisor—constantly had them work cases together.

Grace had found a fast friend in Paige, along with somewhat of a mentor. She constantly learned new things about how to be a better detective. Snorting, Grace shook her head. Admit it. You love it.

I do not. Paige pulled down the blue beanie over her head, covering her ears and her dark brown hair. She glared at Grace, but she knew better than to think Paige was truly mad at her. They had worked together for the better part of nine months, and in that time, they had learned many ins and outs of the other.

Grace shuffled forward in the cold of the morning, to make sure the kids stayed behind the red-painted wooden barricades. No one needed to get closer than necessary. They would all have their chance to see Santa inside. She gave a small girl a smile, bent down, and winked. You excited?

Yes! she shouted back.

Grace giggled. You ever seen Santa arrive in the helicopter before?

No. Her eyes grew wide. Where’s his reindeer?

Oh, they’re resting up before the big day. Can’t be using their energy. There’s a lot of houses to visit on Christmas Eve, you know.

She nodded. Grace pulled a sticker from her pocket, one bearing the sheriff department’s crest on it and handed it over. Thank you! she whispered.

You make sure you tell Santa exactly what you want for Christmas, okay?

With another nod, Grace stepped away to make sure everyone else was staying in line. When she checked her watch, she knew they still had twenty more minutes before it was possible for the helicopter to show up. She glanced around her section where she was to watch and make sure everyone was safe. Paige was stationed next to her. They were in the center of the large crowd with one exit out. Last year, Grace balked at the idea of standing there.

It hadn’t been an easy end to her career as a beat cop, but with therapy and time, she felt she could stand the crowds again. She had never lost her love for the people, for seeing the joys of the crowds, the excitement they had for something she could help provide.

You think loudly, Paige muttered as she sauntered over. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this chipper.

Grace snorted. You’ll get it every year.

Rolling her green eyes, Paige shifted to her section of the corral. Grace checked her watch again. Ten minutes. She bounced in her shoes. They should be able to see the helicopter soon. It wasn’t much longer until the machine set down, the loud blades making kids and parents alike cover their ears and hunker down as the wind swept up snowflakes around them.

As soon as Santa stepped out of the helicopter and was far enough away, the helicopter lifted off again and flew away. Santa stayed behind, grabbing a provided microphone. He said a few words, a couple ho ho hos and then was off through the walkway inside. Kids were screaming and clapping, and when Grace turned, she saw Amya at the entryway to the mall.

Her heart skipped a couple beats, and she smiled. Amya was damn sexy in her uniform, and Grace really only got to see her in it one time a year, on this very day. That alone would keep her continuing the tradition of Santa day with Amya right by her side.

It didn’t take long for the crowds to dissipate and head inside to warmer temperatures and lines. There were only a few stragglers left. Grace knew the event staff would come out and move the barricades which would open up even more parking for patrons to the mall that day. It was easily their biggest day of the year.

Once the majority of the people were gone, Grace headed inside to join the rest of the festivities. She was not on immediate Santa duty that year much to her disappointment. Paige had been granted the honor, though Grace wasn’t sure she was going to do a bang up job of it. Chuckling at the image of Paige surrounded by kids vying for Santa’s attention, she opened the first round of doors.

Just as she was going through the second, she stopped short. A teenage girl sat hunched and withdrawn on one of the metal benches by the entryway. It couldn’t have been the warmest spot in the mall with the door opening and closing a dozen million times as people came and went, but something about this girl set the hair on Grace’s neck on end.

Sighing, Grace squared her shoulders, happy to be in uniform. It gave her unmitigated authority she didn’t have to fight for. As soon as she got closer, the girl shifted and tightened her grasp on her knees. Something about her seemed familiar, it tugged at the recesses of Grace’s mind. With a huff of a breath, Grace sat next to her and leaned down on her knees, staring at the floor. She glanced around like she was looking for something before sitting back up.

Lost? Grace asked.

No, the girl answered. Just thinking.

What about? Turning to see her, Grace thinned her lips and narrowed her eyes. There was something eerily familiar about her. She must have been fifteen or sixteen years old. She was small for her age, but Grace had been too, so there was nothing wrong with that. Her hair was blonde, long, tossed back into a pony tail much like Grace would wear her own.

The girl risked a glance in her direction. What are you staring at?

Do I know you? Grace asked, really wanting an answer.

No.

What’s your name? Grace’s chest tightened as she sifted through her memories and tried to place her face. When she finally turned to look up at Grace fully, she knew. It had been her first case. She wasn’t the missing, but she was the missing’s best friend. Kit.

Kit shook her head sharply, fear seeping into her gaze. What?

You’re Annabelle’s friend.

Kit’s head bobbed slowly up and down.

I was in charge of her case, remember? I told you go to back to class every day for the rest of the year, and if you still needed help after that, I’d be there for you.

Once again, Kit’s chin bobbed. Grace relaxed. This time when she looked over Kit Umptree, she looked different. Kit was thinner than she remembered from last March when they’d met. She wasn’t as brave or as confident as she had been either. Grace wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.

Want to get some coffee? It’s freezing outside.

Kit nodded and followed Grace as they moved to the coffee shop down the corridor from where they were sitting. They ordered and then settled in at a small table. Grace had thirty minutes before her second shift of Santa duty was to begin. Amya and Paige were no doubt somewhere in the midst of it, but Grace was here with a sixteen-year-old girl who looked so lost she didn’t know where to turn.

Why don’t you tell me how school’s going?

Kit shrugged one shoulder as she sipped her hot coffee and munched on the muffin Grace had bought her. Grace had a feeling she was holding back in how quickly she ate it, but she didn’t comment.

It’s going, Kit answered.

You’ve been showing up to class?

Kit nodded and took a large bite of the blueberry muffin.

Getting good grades?

Kit shrugged.

If Grace hadn’t already known she was a difficult walnut to crack, she would have been frustrated. She knew Kit needed her patience, which Grace was not known for in the least. Amya was much better at that, but Grace knew Kit, knew she made not-so-great decisions like cigarettes and pot, skipping class, but she was always there to support her best friend through whatever came their way.

With a deep breath, Grace sipped at her own coffee. Kit, not to pry, but is there something bothering you?

Kit stopped eating and stared straight up at Grace, her blue eyes wide with fear. Grace hadn’t meant to make her feel that way, hadn’t meant to back her into a corner, but she was sure that was how Kit felt. Backtracking, Grace sighed.

I just…you know you can talk to me, right? I said I was there last year, and I meant it.

You stopped coming to the school.

What?

You stopped coming to the school, Kit reiterated.

Grace nodded slowly and deliberately. We lost our funding.

Kit’s jaw clenched, and she refused to look at Grace in the eye. I wish you hadn’t.

Do you need me to come by and visit? Talk to the principal about something?

Shaking her head, Kit took her cup between her fingers and sat back in her chair. No. I just…it was good for Annabelle. She needed it to ground herself.

Grace cocked her head to the side. We’re working on finding some grants and maybe some more private funding, but it’s not easy, and it takes time.

It’s too late, though.

Too late for what? Grace’s chest tightened.

She’d started the after-school program the last spring only a month before school ended. Since she hadn’t been able to keep it going over the summer, their private donor had backed out, leaving the program with nothing for the coming fall. So when she’d been unable to find funding, it hadn’t started. The kids they were supposed to reach were at-risk kids.

Kids like Annabelle and Kit; the ones who were often missed because they weren’t seen as desperately in need. Clenching her jaw, Grace shook her head, sadness sweeping into her chest. What’s going on, Kit?

Nothing, she muttered. Thanks for the coffee. And the muffin.

Kit. Please, tell me what’s going on.

Annabelle is doing well. She’s on the honor roll this semester.

That’s good, but what about you?

Kit shrugged. I pass my classes. Let’s face it. Annabelle is the one who is going to college, not me. I don’t need to go to college. School just isn’t for me.

It’s not for everyone. I didn’t go.

You didn’t? Kit’s eyes were wide.

Grace took a sip of her coffee, keeping her form relaxed and her gaze on Kit. She didn’t want to lose that connection if she could avoid it. She felt she needed to keep it to keep Kit talking. I didn’t. I didn’t even graduate high school, technically.

What? Don’t you have to graduate to be a cop?

Grace shook her head and leaned over the table. You don’t. You need a diploma or a GED. I have my GED. I dropped out of high school when I was sixteen, and I got my GED about two years later. And trust me when I say, it was not easy to go back to school and get it. But I realized I wasn’t going to get any kind of decently paying job without at least finishing high school.

I’ll finish, Kit muttered.

I didn’t say I thought you wouldn’t.

But I’m not going to college.

Then don’t. Don’t go. It’s not worth it if you don’t want to be there. Their gazes locked. Kit’s light blue eyes on Grace’s brown ones. The look Kit gave her made Grace’s heart break. What do you want to do, then?

Kit shrugged. Get a job somewhere, I guess.

You guess?

Yeah. You know, gotta pay rent and shit.

Grace’s lips pursed. She almost chided Kit on her language but refrained. It was her norm to curse but hearing it from a teenage girl was different. With a deep breath, Grace settled into her chair. Yes, rent is a necessary evil. Or a mortgage, whenever you get to that point. What’s got you thinking about rent at sixteen?

Kit froze. Grace carded her head to the side. A movement over Kit’s shoulder caught her attention. Glancing up, she saw Amya staring at them through the window to the coffee shop. Grace made a very small shake of her head, silently telling Amya whatever it was, now was not the time. Amya held up her phone, and Grace let out a breath, knowing Amya would be texting her whatever she needed shortly.

Kit…

I’ve got to go. She grabbed the muffin and coffee and booked it. It was then Grace realized she had her backpack and no winter jacket. Huffing out a breath, Grace sat still in her chair as Kit’s slender form retreated from sight and faded into the crowd. Something was going on with her, but there was no way Grace could help if Kit wasn’t willing to come to her and ask.

Amya wasn’t far away when Grace left the coffee shop with her cup in hand. She stood next to her girlfriend of two and a half years and smiled. God, I love you in uniform.

Amya chuckled and shook her head. Did you get my text?

Didn’t check it. Why, what’s up?

I think you need to go rescue Paige.

That bad?

Worse.

Laughing, Grace handed her coffee over to Amya who would appreciate it even more than Grace herself. Pressing her lips to Amya’s briefly, Grace whispered. Keep the uniform on, please.

Just for you, Amya answered.

With a squeeze to Amya’s arm, Grace walked around her and down toward where the majority of the commotion was. Paige, while a wonderful detective, was not a people person and she most definitely was not a kid person. Any time they had a case that dealt with kids, she always made sure to drag Grace along to deal with them while she did the rest of the work. She had no doubt this was well outside Paige’s comfort zone and switching stations would be to the benefit of everyone.

***

Grace pulled her new fancy issued cruiser into the driveway. It was the first time the department had enough cruisers for each deputy and detective. She’d had it all of a month and had been giddy over it the entire time. Amya had teased her that she cared more about it than she did her. Grace had honestly just been happy to get rid of her run down Mazda because she wasn’t sure it was going to last another winter.

As they got inside, the dogs jumped up on them. Grace moved ahead of Amya and let them out the back door and into the snow-covered ground. She let out a breath as she turned to see Amya staring at her.

You know, Amya began, I think you’re just as sexy in that uniform as you think I am in mine.

Doubtful. Grace snorted. I look like a blue log. You look like you have command and power all at your fingertips.

Giggling, Amya walked up to Grace and kissed her lips. Grace moved to deepen their embrace, but Amya pulled back. As much as I would love to continue this, you know we have to get the rest of the house set up. Peter comes home in two days. Don’t forget to go get him.

I won’t. Grace put her hands up in the air. I swear! It’s in my phone alarm, thank you for that, and I have it written down at my desk. I already told Paige to yell at me if I forget to leave on time.

Good. Amya’s lips turned down and her mood somber.

What’s wrong?

It’s nothing.

Grace scrunched her nose. She knew something was up. Just about any time she talked about personal things with Paige, Amya acted all funny. Breathing in deeply, she let it drop because any time she had attempted to bring it up Amya had told her she didn’t want to talk about it. Everything had been good with them the last several months, and Grace didn’t want to add any more stress to their relationship. They’d endured so much in their short two years together. Enough had to be enough at some point.

Kissing Amya again, Grace nodded. Come on then. The tree it is.

Amya grinned. While Amya changed, Grace pulled out the fake tree from the back of the closet in the basement of the house she had bought years ago. Daniel Mason Brady, her mentor and step-in father, had helped her pick it out. Amya had moved in almost a year ago. With a deep breath, she dragged the lights and the tree to the living room. It was their first official Christmas living together, and Amya seemed determined to make it one for the memory books.

She waltzed into the room in loose pajama bottoms and a tank with no bra on. Grace groaned. Amya was torturing her if anything. Grace let her gaze rove all over Amya’s body to make sure Amya knew exactly what she was doing to her. With a smirk on her lips, Grace walked by her, brushing against Amya’s shoulder.

I’m going to go change. Grace’s voice was gruff as she caught a sniff of Amya’s fruity shampoo she’d doused herself in the night before.

Once she was out of her own uniform and in jeans and a loose shirt, she wandered back into the living room. Amya was already digging through boxes to find all the decorations they had. She’d wanted it set up before Peter got home for the Christmas break. Grace had the idea to let Peter put it up himself, but Amya said that wasn’t very homey. Grunting, Grace had reluctantly agreed, but the only time they had was that evening after a very long day of being on their feet.

I don’t think Peter would mind if we didn’t have six million lights up, Grace added as she came into the room. She poured herself three fingers of whiskey, dropped in three cubes of ice and then sipped at it. He hasn’t had a Christmas-Christmas since he was a kid anyway.

Exactly, Amya said. He deserves this. And he asked to come here for his break, Grace. He thinks of us as his family. He deserves to have a family. You know his parents don’t care.

They’re too drunk to care, Grace muttered and shrugged when Amya shot her a nasty look. What? It’s true.

Yeah. So, he deserves to have a family Christmas.

Amya, we’ve known him for years, and he has never asked for a Christmas.

Pfft. Peter doesn’t ask for anything.

Rolling her eyes, Grace set her glass down and dragged out a strand of lights. Spending hours putting up decorations was not her idea of fun. In fact, she never had decorations until Amya had moved in. She’d abhorred them. They reminded her of growing up, of happy times with her mom before her mom died. Tears threatened her eyes, but she blinked them back. Amya didn’t need her baggage to ruin something she loved. Grace would play along. She’d be the dutiful girlfriend, the one who did things for her best friend.

Grunting, Grace realized that was the first time she’d thought of Amya has her best friend instead of Crystal. It had taken two years for Grace to start calling and texting Amya for help or to chat instead of Crystal. While she still loved Crystal dearly, still visited her fifth grade classroom as often as she could, Amya had definitely become her number one, her best friend, the one she relied on.

Letting out a breath, Grace dropped the strand of lights and went for the tree. Maybe if they got that set up in the tiny living room then they could figure out where the lights would go. She pulled out the pieces and started stacking them together.

Peter’s got a boyfriend, Grace commented as she slid the top piece on and pushed it down.

He does? Amya responded, pleasure ringing in her tone. He didn’t tell me that.

Grace shrugged. Guess he likes me more.

Dork. Amya laughed as she grabbed the strands of light and started slinging them around the tree. He likes me just as much as he likes you.

Nah, Grace teased. He likes you better. Everyone knows that. Anyway, so he has a boyfriend. They just started dating officially like two weeks ago, I think.

And he called to tell you?

No. I…uh…I called to ask him about dates to buy his plane tickets and wrung it out of him.

You mean interrogated.

No, I mean we were talking and he told me. Grace wrinkled her nose. Just because I’m a detective doesn’t mean every conversation I have is an interrogation.

Amya smiled. So what’s his name?

Hell if I know.

They spent the next thirty minutes finishing with the tree. Grace stepped away as Amya turned it on. She moved closer to the kitchen and away from the tree and window. The tree was crooked, but she kind of liked it. It was kind of like them, weird and random. It was perfect.

Don’t forget my parents are coming, Amya whispered as she stood in front of Grace and leaned her back into her.

Grace wrapped her arms around Amya’s chest and kissed her neck tenderly. Believe me, I have not forgotten they are coming.

They’ll love you.

Sure they will. Grace rolled her eyes. She’d talked to them, met them briefly once before, but had never spent a great length of time with them. Just from Amya’s conversations with her mother, Grace knew she was going to be the problem.

Be nice.

I am nice, most of the time. It’s just…it’s going to be a very full house for a week.

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