A Deadly Lie

Chapter 1

'Do you know how much he got for those lager commercials? Nearly half a million quid.'

The question was asked and answered by Kenny Craig, a pro-am regular.

The pro-am in question was in support of the Give a Child a Chance campaign. It is a well-promoted golf tournament which is held every spring at a course not more than thirty miles from the centre of London. It attracts a few of the top professionals on the European Tour and most of the pro-am regulars - a noisy, eccentric, egotistical and amusing bunch of show-business personalities, sportsmen both active and retired, and well-heeled businessmen. The businessmen not only pay for the privilege of competing and for the dubious honour of rubbing shoulders with the golfers and celebrities, but also pay for most of the drinks.

We were sitting outside one of the many hospitality tents which lined the eighteenth fairway. They are paid for by the companies whose chairmen and managing directors were disporting themselves in the Give a Child a Chance tournament.

Kenny Craig thinks of himself as a comedian and 'all round entertainer', though his show-business success rests on one hit record, made in the sixties. His only other attribute is his Liverpool accent which, he assumes, automatically makes him a funny man. His show-business beat encompasses the clubs, especially in the north, the Christmas pantomimes, and occasional guest appearances on television. Most of the work he does manage to get is due to 'old muckers' from Liverpool. Kenny hasn't yet accepted that he is not a star, and he likes to remind all around of his supposed standing as an entertainer by cracking a joke at every possible opportunity. Very wearing.

Kenny was holding forth on the chief topic of conversation in both sporting and show business circles: money. Who is getting how much from whom. This is normally interlaced with who is doing what to whom, but we hadn't got to that stage yet.

The insiders who know about these things tell me that the high-table chat over dinner at the Oxford and Cambridge colleges is much the same. Elegant and witty discussions of the meaning of life and the nature of the universe come a very poor third behind money and sex.

Kenny had obviously been doing a thorough round of the hospitality tents, and looked and sounded as though he was on his second circuit. He had reached the very voluble stage of drunkenness, his words slightly slurred and his eyes seeming to look somewhere near the left ear of anyone else who spoke.

Kenny was now trying to focus on Jack Mason, a professional golfer, who asked Kenny how his round went. Kenny gave a predictable reply.

'Bloody rubbish, Jack. I think I'm over-golfed. Do you know, this is my twelfth pro-am in fourteen days. When I opened the front door the other day, my missus tried to give me the money for the milk.'

Jack laughed and took another pull at his glass of Rolling Rock beer.

Jack Mason is my boss. I am a caddie; one of those toilers of the fairways who wear bibs or overalls covered in sponsors' names and logos and hump forty pounds or so of golf bag around the courses of the world. Jack's bag had started off a bit heavier than that because he had stowed a couple of litres of Strongarm bitter in his bag. 'Well, it's a hot day, Chris,' he had said when I'd detected the extra weight.

Jack stretched his large frame in the small confines of the wooden picnic seat, which protested under his fourteen stones. He looked over at Kenny Craig and said: 'Kenny, have you met my caddie, Chris Ludlow?'

I half stood and stretched my hand across the table and received just a touch of Craig's outstretched fingers.

'Half a million quid,' he said. 'For Jimmy bloody McCoy.'

Mike Bradbury, the businessman who as a co-sponsor of the event was providing the hospitality and who had been one of Jack's partners in the pro-am, spoke up. He was clearly delighted to have a celebrity in his group, however minor and however drunk.

'What does he do for the money, Kenny?'

'Prances about in that poxy kilt of his and makes a fool of himself.'

'I heard he's got a three-year contract for six commercials,' I said.

'Oh yeah,' sneered Kenny Craig, 'and where would a caddie hear things like that?'

Jack was quick to my defence. 'Chris also works for a stockbroker,' he snapped, 'and specialises in the leisure sector. That's where he hears things like that.'

Even the dulled senses of Kenny Craig recognised that Jack was angered by his rudeness and there was an awkward lull. Mike Bradbury covered the momentary unease by calling for another round. I too resent the attitude that caddies are itinerants, dressed in cast-off clothing, who occasionally stay sober enough to carry a golf bag round a course. Times have changed. I admit though to being a particularly fortunate caddie; my double life is made possible by the connivance of Jack and of the golf-mad head of the City stockbroking firm for whom I work as a salesman.

Andrew Buccleuth runs a relatively small and very profitable firm which has not been swallowed up by one of the conglomerates or foreign banks in the aftermath of the Big Bang. He has a good mix of private clients – rich families whose investments on the stock market he guides, and institutions like the pension funds who are the big players on the financial stage.

It was just after Jack's sharp remarks to Kenny Craig that I first saw Poppy Drake. Fate had some fancy tricks up its sleeve that day: the spring sun, waning a bit as the day wore on, was behind her and framed her as she walked towards us. She was dressed in white and had a glow around her, an aura; and, although she was with two men, she seemed to be totally alone. Shades of that early sequence in Lawrence of Arabia as Omar Sharif shimmers out of the distant desert towards the camera.

I wish David Lean had been there to re-direct the scene: cut to travel agency – we see Chris Ludlow buy a one-way ticket to a remote part of the world where the beautiful Poppy Drake will never find him.

Chapter 2

For some time I had been committed to work for Jack Mason through the European golf season, which gets longer every year. In the old days the club professional used to emerge from his shop in May or June, sniff the air and play a few events which would culminate in the Open Championship in July. He would then return to his club to look after his members once more. The new breed of tournament professional can now play virtually the whole year round, if he wants to, for large sums of prize money.

Fortunately, Jack doesn't want to and really only gets going in late March and early April. He doesn't play every week throughout the season either. Not for him the treadmill of airports every Sunday evening, fleeting visits home on Mondays, mainly to get the laundry done, and away again on the Tuesday morning to another anonymous hotel room and the incessant talk of golf, money and girls, girls, money and golf. For one thing he values his wife and family too much.

One of the many advantages to me of caddying for Jack was that I was able to keep track of my stockbroking duties through a somewhat unorthodox working schedule and by the indulgence of clients who don't expect nine-to-five advice.

I have a fax at home and on-screen access to all the current stock market prices. I did consider a mobile phone, but when I mentioned it to Jack was left in no doubt about his views. Trenchant as ever, he had suggested two ways of dealing with it: the first would have entailed a great deal of personal discomfort for me; and the second involved his unleashing his one-iron on the offending instrument – or, rather, someone else's one-iron because he didn't want to ruin a favourite club.

It was fortunate on this occasion that Jack had learned fairly early on in the round that Mike Bradbury owned a company which dealt in mobile communications.

Jack is a forthright man. Many people in golf, especially the administrators, would use a stronger epithet. He has been reprimanded and fined by the Professional Golfers' Association too many times for comfort. But it is usually for what he regards as a 'just cause'.

He tries to be on his best behaviour at pro-ams, partly because he can appreciate the terrors that assail many of the amateurs on the first tee, especially the inexperienced ones like our host that day, Mike Bradbury. He had only taken up the game a couple of years before, and was likely to be put off his stroke by the presence of an inquisitive squirrel, let alone the several hundred spectators who had gathered on the first tee that morning to see the stars.

It was difficult to judge the state of nerves of the other businessman playing with us. He was a poker-faced man with an unpronounceable Polish name who owned a chain of jewellery shops.

Jack had spoken some calming words to both of them, ending with: 'Don't worry, they've come to see me and the show-biz boys, not you.'

To me, Jack was really the star of our team, a stalwart of professional golf who has finished in the top ten of the Open on several occasions and has performed with honour for Europe in the Ryder Cup.

He was wrong though about whom the spectators had come to see. The great majority had come solely to see the show-business stars, not the professional golfers; to get close to the celebrities whom they saw in their living rooms on the television screen, and to hang on their every word.

So, most of the fans had eyes only for the fourth member of our team, the celebrated Grant Sadler. In the previous decade he had shot to prominence in a succession of action roles; he was tough and uncompromising and usually in trouble with his boss; he always got his man and always got the girl. He had recently softened his image by starring in a series of light-hearted television commercials for a brand of chocolate.

I tried to be objective and see in him what the fans clearly saw: glamour and success, all the magic created by the 'telly'. I saw a man who might have been good-looking in his youth and early manhood. He was just under six feet tall, with a flat, bronzed and rather fleshy face. His eyes looked small above the pouchy cheeks and his crinkly black hair was probably permed. He was well-built, but as he bent to address his first shot I could see a tell-tale roll of surplus flesh around his waist, detectable even under his designer sweater. Perhaps he'd been eating too much of the chocolate he promoted. I suppose that if I'd liked the man, I wouldn't have noticed the perm, the fat or the red veins under the tan.

We all watched Jack hit a one-iron down the centre of the fairway. Then the amateurs hit their shots from a forward tee.

Nervous as he was, Mike Bradbury just connected with his drive and nobbled it about a hundred yards or so down the fairway.

As we walked down the first fairway Jack remarked, 'It's a different crowd, isn't it?'

'How do you mean?' I asked.

'It's a different noise somehow. There's more of a buzz at a proper tournament. This is more ragged, discordant almost.'

'Well, there are more children around.'

'More medallions and lager bellies too.'

'And earrings.'

We waited for Grant Sadler to catch up with us and Jack asked him what he was working on at the moment.

'Oh, a new sit-com for ITV. I set it all up last year. We've nearly finished the first thirteen episodes and they're about to commission another lot. Should be a big hit.'

'That's a new area for you, isn't it – comedy?' asked Jack.

'Yeah. But a good actor can change his style at will. It's not a problem.'

'I wish I could change my golf style at will,' said Jack ruefully.

Clearly Mr Sadler didn't lack confidence in his own abilities and I wondered whether his golf measured up to his reputation. He was said to play a better game than his handicap often suggested.

He certainly did. Despite a slightly cumbersome swing, he hit the ball powerfully and well. He played more like a five-handicapper than a ten. His Achilles heel was his putting and a notable tendency to take too short a club for his shots into the green, a mark of the club golfer. The club hacker can often be heard boasting that he 'hit the tenth green with an eight iron', as though expecting everyone to feel his biceps in admiration. Whereas the professional couldn't care less what he hits the green with as long as it's 'on the dance floor', as the old pros used to say, and offering the chance of a birdie.

I noticed that the jeweller had all the latest equipment: graphite shafts, beryllium copper heads on his irons and so on. A golf professional's dream. Sales of wedding rings must be good, I thought, or maybe it was all those earrings that were swelling his profits.

He obviously took the game seriously and played steadily. Jack played solidly too. Mike had a very lucky birdie, which clearly made his day, and Grant Sadler had a couple of birdies too. After nine holes we had a good score.

Jack had been going quietly on his way and seemed a little distracted, though he was ever on hand with a word of encouragement or advice for his playing partners. I knew that he didn't really like pro-ams but felt it was his duty to play in them, and especially for a charity such as Give a Child a Chance.

We took advantage of the refreshment hut between the ninth green and the tenth tee. As we tucked into our sausage sandwiches, Jack said in his genial fashion: 'Well done, boys, we're going well. We could be in amongst the prizes if we keep this up.'

There were smiles all round.

'And don't forget the celebrity prizes. I want to try and win for the Red Cross.'

This sentiment of Grant Sadler's was not as noble as it sounded. His interest was more in boosting his own image than in boosting the coffers of the Red Cross. The celebrity prizes were provided by an opportunistic sponsor, an insurance company, who had put up £50,000 for an Order of Merit amongst a select list of about thirty celebrities. Grant Sadler was one of them.

The Order of Merit would be calculated on each celebrity's four best scores in six pro-ams through the early part of the season. The winner would receive £25,000 for his nominated charity, and there were lesser prizes for those who finished in the next four places.

Most celebrities regarded this seemingly interesting and generous form of sponsorship as a chance to scoop some money for a favourite charity. But one or two behaved as though the Order of Merit was the Open Championship and were determined to win it for its own sake. They were allowed to carry their team score over to the next tournament, even though their amateurs and professional would be different. This had already led to some unseemly lobbying on the part of some celebrities to secure the services of the 'in-form' professionals and, although the teams were supposed to be drawn out of a hat, I had been told that Grant Sadler had threatened to withdraw unless he played with one of the top pros such as Jack Mason.

It was irritating to listen to his sanctimonious wishes for the Red Cross when I knew that it was only for his own greater glory that Grant Sadler was so eager to win the top celebrity prize.

Perhaps Jack felt as I did; as we walked to the tee Jack spoke to Sadler. 'Just a suggestion, Grant, but why don't you let Chris club you on some of your shots. You're playing well but you're hitting the ball well short of the pin.'

Grant Sadler just nodded, refused a drink from the litre of beer which Jack produced from his bag and strode on to the tee. Jack knew of course that he wouldn't take kindly to any advice from me. From Jack, maybe. From me, no.

Mike had a peck or two at the Strongarm bitter while we waited to play down the tenth, and Jack finished the bottle off in one long glug.

He is an impressive drinker, all right. 'Better,' he said, and crashed his drive miles across the angle of the dog-legged tenth hole to leave himself a simple pitch into the green.

It gave me some pleasure to advise Grant Sadler to play short of the angle of the dog-leg with a three-wood. As he ignored my advice and reached for his driver, Jack winked at me.

Sadler tried to follow Jack across the corner. As he strained for some extra power his swing got faster, his left shoulder turned away from the line of the ball and he hit a horrible shot deep into the trees on the left.

He scowled at me as if I'd played the stroke and told me to keep my advice to myself for the rest of the round – I was ruining his concentration.

Oh well, we caddies know our place. Jack was grinning all over his face, but thereafter he concentrated on his own game and was rather subdued by his standards. But I noticed that he soon finished his other litre of beer. He played rather well and finished five under par, which was good enough to win him a small prize of £100. It was typical of him that he quietly put the money back in the Give a Child a Chance appeal. Grant Sadler, with Jack's formidable help, achieved a very respectable total of points for the celebrity Order of Merit.

Chapter 3

Grant Sadler was one of the two men who were with Poppy Drake on that occasion when I first saw her. The other was an older version of the actor. He was probably in his middle forties and his heavy frame was not disguised by the expensive casual clothes he wore: check trousers, cashmere roll-neck and an elegant jacket. His hair was greying beautifully at the temples and I wondered momentarily if he and Grant Sadler shared the same hairdresser. His face bore the characteristic flush of the heavy drinker. He was introduced to me as Bill Ryan, the producer of Cap'n Hand, Grant Sadler's new comedy series.

I wondered what this extraordinarily attractive woman was doing with these two. She had a slender body and long, long legs. Her auburn hair framed a striking face with dark- blue eyes, and those high cheekbones that photographic models always have. But intelligence shone out of her eyes. For some reason I thought I had seen that face before. It was not a face you would forget easily. Had I seen her on television? In a newspaper? I certainly associated it with something unusual, but perhaps my imagination was on overtime. Before I could pursue the thought, however, she was introduced to me by Sadler: 'This is Poppy Drake, one of the writers on my series. This is, er…'

I saw her glare at Grant Sadler but he had turned away to help Mike Bradbury organise some more drinks.

'Chris Ludlow,' I said as we shook hands. I offered her my chair, as she said: 'Actually it's my series. I created it. It's a pity that these actors can't remember that if we didn't write their lines, they wouldn't have a job.’

Jack Mason had moved his chair a little closer; his resistance level to attractive women is low.

'Grant tells me that the series is going to be a great success,' he said.

'Yes. The signs are promising. A second series has been commissioned before the first has been completed. That's almost unheard of these days. But I won't bore you both with show-biz talk, you've probably heard enough if you've played a round with him. I know you're a famous golfer, Jack…' Jack attempted a modest smile, without much success,

'… but what do you do, Chris?'

I explained that I was Jack's caddie and Jack said: 'He's not just a caddie, Poppy. He's a guide and mentor. He keeps me going in those dark moments when I wonder why on earth I'm doing something so infantile as knocking a little white ball around the countryside, and he calms me down when I think I'm superman and can hit an eight-iron three hundred yards. And he is a friend, too, who never complains when I blame him for my own shortcomings.'

I was rather embarrassed by this uncharacteristic outburst from Jack. Although I knew him as a generous man, he rarely let his feelings surface in public.

Jack finished most of a glass of beer in one swallow and said, ‘I must go. Dinner with my accountant tonight. Chris, can we have lunch tomorrow? I'll come over to the City. I need to discuss this year's programme and so on.'

I looked at Jack rather blankly because we had mapped out the year's golfing programme some weeks ago. Oh well, I assumed he had some changes in mind. I nodded my agreement.

‘See you in the office at midday then. It’s been a delight to meet you, Poppy, and I wish your series enormous success.’

He held her hand a shade longer than necessary, gave her a smile and said, 'I'll leave you with my faithful caddie.'

As Jack moved off, shaking hands with all and sundry, thanking Mike Bradbury and giving him an impromptu lesson on how to grip a golf club properly, I took his chair next to Poppy Drake and found those clear blue eyes looking intently at me.

'Chris Ludlow,' she said. 'You're not related to a Max Ludlow, are you?'

My heart gave a nasty thump – oh, no. 'He's my brother.'

Max is my very talented younger brother and if he has a problem, it is with girls. Too many of them and too often. He can charm them into his arms from all corners and particularly out of their husbands' beds and into his own. I have seen him arrange a lunch date with a woman in the hearing of a clearly devoted husband. He usually gets away with it and trouble rarely ensues. He has been married once. It happened in his last year at Cambridge, which is when many young people are most vulnerable to the attractions of marriage. It lasted six months.

'Where is he at the moment?' asked Poppy.

'I think he's in Peru. In the middle of a two-month trek to look for endangered species,' I said with great satisfaction.

It isn't a question of the usual sibling rivalry with Max. There's no contest. While I went to a provincial university, Max got a maths scholarship to Cambridge; whereas I scraped into the university golf team, Max got blues for hockey, rugby and athletics. The only sport at which I can surpass him is golf. Off my handicap of two, I am in theory a much better player than Max off his approximate handicap of seven. The trouble is that I rarely seem to beat him. It's simply not fair.

Foolish optimist that I am, I was harbouring a dream of seeing much more of Poppy, but Max's shadow already lay heavily across those hopes.

A raucous chorus of 'Little White Ball' to the tune of 'Little White Bull' announced the approach of Kenny Craig – it was his joke for the day. Poppy had to lean closer to me so that I could hear her over the hubbub.

‘Why don't you give me your number and we'll have a drink together soon.'

I liked her directness. That was the start of it all, and there seemed an inevitability about the course of our friendship.

At this point Kenny Craig, who'd clearly completed his second circuit of the hospitality tents, leaned heavily across the table. 'Here she comes.' He pointed an unsteady finger at the little wicket gate which formed part of Mike Bradbury's terrain for the day.

'She' was Amanda Newhart, who had had a roller-coaster career over the past twenty-odd years: originally as a sex symbol in some really awful British films, then as a femme fatale in some equally awful British television series; and latterly as one of the stars of an extraordinarily successful American soap opera. She was the star of the tabloids, too, which chronicled her love affairs in mock shock and salacious detail.

'I still wouldn't mind giving her one,' said Kenny Craig.

'No, but I expect she would,' Poppy said.

While Kenny looked puzzled, Poppy explained to me that Amanda Newhart was the female star of her series.

'I don't know why she's bothering. But she's got a bee in her Paul Smith hat about being a comedy actress. Her acting has always made me laugh anyway. But the producer, Bill Ryan, couldn't say no to her. He was her third husband, you know.'

'Yes, I do know. She's an old friend of my family. I've known her all my life.'

'Oh dear, I've put my clumsy foot right in it.' Poppy giggled and covered her face in embarrassment.

I knew Amanda Newhart when she was Phyllis Price. Her large family lived a few houses away from us in North London over twenty years ago. I used