Last Kids on Earth and the Skeleton Road

First published in the United States of America by Viking,

an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, 2020

This edition published in 2020 by Farshore

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers

1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF

www.farshore.co.uk

HarperCollinsPublishers

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Dublin 4, Ireland

Text copyright © Max Brallier 2020

Illustrations copyright © Douglas Holgate 2020

The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted.

ISBN 978 0 7555 00017

Ebook ISBN 978 0 7555 00024

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library

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To Lila. Fist bumps!

– M. B.

For Merri, Tom and Jack.

Welcome to the world, little man!

– D. H.

CONTENTS

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

The Decomposing Dozen

chapter one

chapter two

chapter three

chapter four

chapter five

chapter six

chapter seven

chapter eight

chapter nine

chapter ten

chapter eleven

chapter twelve

chapter thirteen

chapter fourteen

chapter fifteen

chapter sixteen

chapter seventeen

chapter eighteen

chapter nineteen

chapter twenty

chapter twenty-one

chapter twenty-two

chapter twenty-three

chapter twenty-four

chapter twenty-five

Acknowledgments

About the Author

chapter one

See these twelve zombies right here? I call them the Decomposing Dozen. They are the elite.

The best of the best.

The cream of the crop.

I know they’re tough – but I’m about to find out what they’re really made of. That’s why I’m standing on top of an old school bus, staring out at a bizarre series of bone-shattering obstacles.

Tiny goo-ball Globlet is beside me, clutching a bullhorn that’s twice her size. She squeaks: ‘ARE THE ZOMBIES READY?’

A low murmur echoes in response: ‘Ermmmm.’

Globlet turns, then squeaks: ‘AND ARE THE UNIVERSAL WARRIORS READY?’

My friends all shout back, ‘Yes!’

I grip the Louisville Slicer and focus. My heart rate slows. The Cosmic Hand trembles. Then, with a flick of my wrist, I command the zombies forward as I shout, ‘ATTACK QUINT!’

The zombies heed my command – and together they charge! The lumbering bodies are speeding up a ramp towards Quint.

He raises his new gripper-grabber pole, which is just a long stick with pincher jaws at the end. He opens the jaws! The zombies are nearly upon him! And then . . .

Y’know what – HOLD ON, TIME-OUT. You’re probably wondering what’s going on – you might be curious why I’m ordering a horde of zombies to barrel headlong into my best friend.

Yeah, it’s time to hit you with a little recap action . . .

INITIATE RECAP ACTION! STUFF THAT HAPPENED AND STUFF YOU MISSED!

See, for the past few months, Quint, June, Dirk and I have all been pretty busy. June even got into a crazy adventure that ended in a showdown with a villainous monster pirate: the Boss Rifter.

And June learned a lot. Like: (1) Thrull is getting stronger; (2) the Tower is gonna be catastrophic if he finishes it; and (3) there’s a place where we can discover more about the Tower and its location: a mysterious Outpost. Find the Outpost, find the Tower.

Problem was, the Boss Rifter got away before we could learn where this Outpost is. So, our crazed monster warrior buddy Skaelka ventured out into the wild, searching for it.

Yep, one day, Skaelka simply saddled up on to her Carapace (it’s like a monstrous hermit crab, with a car for a shell) and rode off. It’s been weeks and she still hasn’t returned . . .

And me? My life? I’ve been busy polishing my zombie-controlling powers. Total Jedi-like training. Our monster friend Warg has been helping me develop my skills and better understand the capabilities of the Cosmic Hand. That’s what I named the sucker-covered monster-tentacle-glove-thing that is now forever wrapped around my wrist and hand.

See, we chopped off Ghazt’s tail so he wouldn’t have the ability to control zombies, but we didn’t anticipate Thrull stealing the tail and taking the ability for himself! But then Thrull didn’t anticipate me siphoning it away from him!

It was a lot of back and forth, but it amounted to me having one pretty cool suction glove Cosmic Hand thingy and – with the power of Ghazt’s tail inside the Louisville Slicer – the rad ability to command and control zombies, yay!

With Warg’s help, I’ve made serious progress: I can actually make zombies do stuff. I mean, I’m like, two steps shy of being a legit necromancer now . . .

I quickly realised that the more time I spend training with any one particular zombie, the stronger the connection between me and that zombie becomes.

‘Just like Dungeon Loot Hunter: Crawler of Tombs 3!’ Quint said when I explained it to him.

‘Exactly!’ I replied. (Dungeon Loot Hunter: Crawler of Tombs 3 is our favourite RPG.) Anyway, in RPGs, you gotta pick one or two characters and really focus on levelling them up. If you keep flipping between different characters, you just end up with a bunch of, like, average dudes. And I do not have time for average dudes.

My powers aren’t, like, unlimited though. I’m only able to control a few zombies at a time. For example, I cannot lead a legion of zombies into battle, but I can stage super-epic zombie lightsaber fights. And I do . . .

So, what I have to do is clear: treat this like an RPG. I’ll pick a few zombies who are already naturally combat-capable – and level them up! Bottom line: I’m forming a super-elite group of undead warriors. Jack Sullivan’s Zombie Squad.

But finding good zombies has been tough. Up at Warg’s tree-farm home, where the zombies stay, I put them all through a bunch of tests. It did not go well, although it wasn’t really their fault . . .

Then one day, when I was out on my usual Wakefield walkabout, searching for zombies to add to our army, I spotted an old friend: Alfred! The zombie who helped us find Ŗeżżőcħ and the Tree of Entry!

Alfred was trying to cross from one rooftop to another via a toppled water tank when he slipped and fell right into my outstretched arms. It was like a delightfully awkward first meeting in a romantic comedy . . .

Seeing Alfred trying to navigate a water tank balance beam gave me the big idea! I was like: YES! THAT’S HOW I’LL CHOOSE MY RPG ZOMBIE WARRIORS! With an elimination game, like those obstacle course shows on TV. Y’know the ones: Gladiator Wipeout and Extreme Ninja Obstacle Hero and Toddler vs. Piranha!

So, my buddies and I put together our own elimination course. We built it at Laser Extreme Adventure Zone – the place has everything: trampoline park, laser tag arena, rock-climbing wall, churro stand and tons of other rad junk.

Dirk got super into building the course. I think it’s ’cause these sort of combat competitions are in his blood.

See, Dirk let slip that his dad was on the old TV show Universal Warriors. Man, that show was the best. Each week, a bunch of regular 9-to-5-type folks would face off against super-jacked, spandex-clad ‘Warriors’ – and the Warriors would just straight-up destroy the normal people.

Dirk told us his dad was a Warrior named the Big Dagger. To be honest, I don’t remember the Big Dagger, but there were a lot of Warriors on that show over the years.

Anyway, Dirk has built an awesome Zombie Squad Elimination Course. It started off pretty bootleg – kinda like one of those local haunted houses where random people from town dress up and try to scare you. But it’s never that scary because the crudely costumed werewolf that pops out from behind a hay bale is clearly your maths teacher.

Anyway, now our Zombie Squad Elimination Course is rad – and finally ready! I’ve chosen the top twelve zombie warrior prospects – and I will do my best to get them through the course.

The rules are simple: any zombie that reaches the finish line makes my squad. Get to the end – and they shall be deemed worthy!

Sounds simple, but it won’t be easy: Quint, June, Dirk, Rover and some of our monster buddies like Biggun and Fern are going to try to stop ’em.

We gathered at the Elimination Course early this morning. My friends took positions across the course while I directed the zombies to the starting line. It was time to find out just how tough my Decomposing Dozen was. Time to find out if I could get them to the finish line . . .

I took a deep breath, then –

SLICE! I swung the Slicer and the zombies rushed forwards!