#100For1: A Shoeshining Experience

© 2013 by J. L. Adams. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 08/16/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4918-0922-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-0921-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-0920-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013914716

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Acknowledgement

Introduction

1.   Identify

2.   Ready

3.   Communication

4.   Cheating

5.   Companionship

6.   Aware

7.   Divorce

8.   Foundation

9.   Happy

10.   I Love You

11.   Wants Vs. Needs

12.   Stress

13.   Positive

14.   Grief

15.   Sense Of Humor

16.   Peace

17.   Apologize

18.   Dedication

19.   Culture

20.   Good And Bad

21.   Give And Take

22.   Long Term Goals

23.   Choose Your Battles

24.   Kids

25.   Best-Friends

26.   Full Time Job

27.   Opportunity

28.   Willing

29.   Commitment

30.   Beliefs

31.   Sensitivity

32.   The One

33.   God-First

34.   Family

35.   Bedroom

36.   Attention

37.   Time

38.   Respect

39.   Boredom

40.   Feelings

41.   Patience

42.   Fights

43.   Compromise

44.   Accept

45.   Think

46.   Distraction

47.   Mentality

48.   Benefits

49.   Responsibilities

50.   Spirit

51.   Strength

52.   Endure

53.   Choice

54.   Decision

55.   Ring

56.   Effort

57.   Leverage

58.   Attitude

59.   Covenant

60.   Kind

61.   Personality

62.   Honesty

63.   Tolerance

64.   Expectations

65.   Stability

66.   Problems

67.   Beautiful

68.   Preference

69.   Do-More

70.   Formula

71.   Stage

72.   Sex

73.   Partnership

74.   Appreciate

75.   Headaches

76.   Believe

77.   Compassionate

78.   Complicated

79.   100% Sure

80.   Parameters

81.   Upsides

82.   Big Reward

83.   Pregnant

84.   Institution

85.   Accomplish

86.   Listens

87.   Fix-It

88.   Good-Life

89.   Sacrifice

90.   Successful

91.   Religion

92.   Hard And Painful

93.   Team

94.   Honeymoon

95.   Serious-Step

96.   Courting

97.   Constant-Work

98.   Faith

99.   Relationships

100.   Regret

Conclusion/Thoughts

Three Random Conversations

Other Possibilities

Sorry

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

FIRST, I WOULD like to thank God for the health and strength that he’s blessed me with throughout my life, especially while I was doing this project.

Next, I would like to thank my parents for all that they’ve done for me, especially my angel mother for those little prayers that she would say for me and my other siblings on a daily basis.

I would also like to give a heartwarming thanks to the entire aShine&Co management team, especially Kevin Touhy and Kealani Lada for giving me a chance to follow my dreams and be me.

Thanks to Joseph Johnson for believing in this project and all of the advice he has given to me throughout the time that we’ve known each other.

Thanks to all of my friends and co-workers for keeping me level-headed while being at work. I really appreciate you guys, and lastly to everyone who has contributed to this project, in one way or the other, Thank You.

All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother

—Abraham Lincoln

100For1

INTRODUCTION

I WAS BORN and raised in Georgetown, Guyana, a small country that’s located in South America. Guyana is known throughout the world for its many natural resources and the infamous Jonestown tragedy that happened some decades back.

Growing up in Georgetown in an extended family—where 90% of my family members were females and mostly mothers—taught me a valuable life lesson: To honor family, and to never mistreat women, it also embedded the love that I have for kids today within heart, because whenever the female’s in my family weren’t in school studying they were on the hospital bed delivering another bundle of joy, which I would always love, since I loved taking the newborn for early morning walks, and seeing that priceless smile on their faces, which would always melt my heart.

For many years, I watched the women in my family raise their kids alone, and do whatever was necessary to ensure that we were always comfortable and well fed. Because of this, my perception of how romantic relationships and parenting worked was a bit skewed: The men would help to make the babies, but weren’t there to help raise the babies, leaving the women to support the family.

Since there weren’t any laws in Guyana that required fathers to pay child support, the men did whatever they wanted with whomever they wanted. As a victim of that kind of lifestyle myself, I find it a shameful disgrace to men everywhere. Was my mother the only the single parent? No, not by a long shot; my aunts, some of my cousins and even some of my friends’ mothers were single parents. Around the age of seven, I assumed that being a single parent was a cultural norm, and that getting married and having a family were not necessarily a packaged deal. I still remember the first wedding reception that I ever went to.

At that time, it just seemed like a big party with close family and friends, all dressed up celebrating something called marriage. At seven years old, all I was interested in was playing with my cousins that I never saw outside of major family functions. Other than that, it was definitely all about eating and drinking endless sodas. I really didn’t care much about, or understand the main point of the celebration.

I didn’t recall hearing the words marriage or wedding again, until I was ten years old. I was in primary school and we were having our annual sporting event when I witnessed my teacher showing her blinged-out wedding ring to a classmate’s mother. I heard her telling the parent how great it was to be married and how happy she was. After that, I was able to extract a more in-depth understanding about marriage and what it stands for by asking my older family members and teachers numerous questions about the topic, from both a cultural and a religious perspective. I recall my high school friend, Jennifer, who was just fourteen years old, one day telling us in class that she was quitting school because she was getting married. It seemed like a joke at first, especially when she said that she had never met her soon-to-be husband, only her parents had. I also recall my cousin getting married because she was pregnant, for the third time, and she told her new boyfriend that she was going to have an abortion if he didn’t marry her. So they got married.

Cultural and religious beliefs played a major role in getting married back then, and they still do, even today. From arranged marriages, like what Jennifer’s parents believed in, or getting married because of the kids, or because you’re are in love, the question is always there: Will the marriage last? Sometimes they do, even if people stay together because they don’t want to negatively affect their kids, or because they don’t want to be a disgrace within their religion, which I think are valid reasons to put up with someone else’s bullshit for the rest of your life. However, to some, Until death do us part, seems to have no meaning. Although I had knowledge of what marriage was about, I still had never experienced it myself. Was it really possible to understand marriage without getting married? Yes it was, and the experience became very possible, and very real, when I moved to America to live with my dad and his wife. My dad and his wife had two kids together, and had been with each other for almost two decades and very much in love the whole time. I’ve seen my dad and his wife argue plenty over the years that I’d lived with them, but they never allowed it to get out of control where they would even think to split up and throw their marriage down the drain. The thing I liked most about them was the fact that they always worked together, whether it was business, the kids, the house, or anything that would benefit either of them. They always put any issues that were between them aside and together dealt with whatever they had to deal with to get the best outcome. I thought that was very mature of them, and that’s why I thought that marriage was a beautiful thing, not knowing there was a lot more to marriage than what I had observed between my dad and his wife.

And then it happened: I got my heart broken, or should I say I broke my own heart? After four sweet years of being in love with the person I thought was going to kiss me on that joyful day after saying I Do, the person that I wanted to not only be my wife but also the mother of my children, the person that my mom fell in love with and also the person I wanted to die loving, broke up with me. It was so painful, and I had no clue on how to deal with it since this was my first time in such a situation. How was this possible? How could everything just go down the drain like a piece of waste; weren’t we in love with each other? Didn’t we had lifelong plans with each other?

I always tried my best to keep her happy whether it was financially, emotionally or sexually. Although I was verbally abusive to her at times, my actions would always reassured her of my love. Yet, though I was in love with her, I had been cheating on her constantly for the past four years, did she find out? Even though, I cheated, I was never unfaithful to what we shared, I was still going to fulfill all the promises that I had made to her. I was going to marry her and not only make her the mother of my two kids, but also my lifelong soul mate whom I was going to die loving, and would have died for. Was I wrong for exploring my sexual curiosities, although I was never going to allow my emotions to get involved?

Was this really happening? Did she really mean what she said about leaving me if I didn’t find a better job after I graduated college? My shoe-shining gig embarrassed her around her friends, she complained to me numerous times. How could someone not want to be with you because you caught them lying? The cause of this particular problem wasn’t my fault it was hers, she’s was the one who got caught lying, so why does she want to leave me? Why? Questions upon questions raced through my head. Suicidal thoughts, moving away, isolating myself form the outside world. I took a vacation and isolated myself but it did not help; the memories kept rushing through my mind every second of every day. What was next?

She clearly stated that she didn’t want to work out our problems even when I was at my worst: begging like a dog and making proposals on what I will do different this time around. I even asked her to marry me, but she kept saying she’s over us. Why was she acting like this, how could she be so ungrateful to what we had, why is she acting as if we’re at that age where we can’t correct our mistakes? Damn, we’re still in our early 20’s, so what now? Should I do the unthinkable? Could I do it?

What was going to be the headlines in tomorrow’s newspaper? Man commits suicide after his girlfriend of four years decided that she was tired of his ass and was moving on with her life without him What would Greg, Ian and Jermaine think of me when they received the news? Would they still consider me as a loyal friend? How would Lashaun, Ahkeem and Nikkel have felt, would they be disappointed in their older brother? Would anybody have try to see that it’s only Who feels it, knows it I would have definitely broke not only my families’ or friends’ hearts, but the heart of my angel mother. But I wasn’t selfish enough to commit suicide and besides, she wasn’t worth it. I thought to myself, anyone who is willing to give up on you shouldn’t even be in your life in the first place.

I remember praying every day about getting over her; I remembered talking to my friends in our group chat with tears in my eyes about the situation. Thank God I have supportive friends who never judged me but always try to cheer me up on my down days, I also remember talking to my mom on the phone while crying like a little baby for many nights, trying to get comfort, trying to find answers, trying to get over this miserable feeling since the bar wasn’t helping. While the bottles of vodka I drank on a daily basis would put me to sleep at night, it made me sick the next day, which was bad for work. Instead of looking for customers to give them a shoeshine, I would be at the back sleeping or in the bathroom vomiting and therefore I’d lose a lot of money.

I have been a Shoe Shiner for over sixteen months. I really love my job for numerous reasons. I get to take home cash every day, manage myself, and meet different people from all over the world, including celebrities, on a daily basis being located in a very diverse terminal in JFK. Most of all, I loved the knowledge I took home every day from my one-on-one conversations with my customers; it was priceless, as 97% of my customers were successful people. That opportunity came as a gift and as a curse, a curse because a lot of times I would see families travelling together all jolly and having fun, looking like they were the happiest people in the world. That would always hurt me, since that was the kind of life I wanted but didn’t have, but as a strong believer of faith, I didn’t think it was never going to happen. So, I began to prepare myself for my next relationship.

I did not want to make the same mistakes that I had made in the previous one, whether it’s cheating, lying, arguing etc. I was going to do whatever it took to make my next girlfriend the luckiest girl in the world and that was to make full use of my gift as a shoe shiner to get the necessary knowledge that I needed, from people who had years of experience about love, marriage and relationships. I began asking my customers numerous questions about those topics and would always get fascinating answers, which unfortunately I used to forget at the end of my shift, so I decided that I was going to get a pen and a pad, and every time I would finish talking to a customer, I would quickly scribble down the important ideas that they would tell me. The advice that I got on a daily basis certainly helped me in many ways to move forward and try to love again. One day I was talking to a customer about my situation and all the crazy stuff that people say about marriages and relationships and she said You should write a book and share some of your knowledge with the world, and that’s how I came up with the idea to write: One Hundred Answers For The One Question, Will You Marry Me?

P.S. I’m just the messenger

1

IDENTIFY

I’LL GIVE YOU the bulletproof, ok? I said as I folded up my polishing cloth. Where you heading to? I asked the gentleman that climbed into my shoeshine chair. Since I was one of the resident shoe shiners in JFK international Airport at terminal 5, I loved hearing what far-off destinations my customers were traveling to.

Dominican Republic. He answered.

Dominican Republic? You live there? I asked him with noted impression.

No, going to visit my mother. She’s kind of ill, He replied.

Are you traveling alone? I asked next, as I began to clean his shoes.

His quick response was, Yes.

So where’s your family? I asked.

He hesitated a bit and stammered the first words of his sentence, Ah my, um, my two brothers and my nephews; they’re on another flight.

What about the wife, and kids? I smiled and said.

Don’t have a wife, he said, as he relaxed into the chair.

You don’t have a wife? I was shocked by my own boldness.

Divorce. He replied matter-of-factly.

Why? Marriage is a beautiful thing. I proclaimed.

Oh you know, shit happens so… He trailed off as if the answer were universal and didn’t need to be spoken, then concluded, Shit happens.

Damn man. How long were you married for? I asked him.

Thirty years, he said, this time glancing down the terminal as if his ex were nearby. Then he continued, Then I remarried somebody else; that lasted for four years. Now, I’m single. It’s not ‘’til death do you part,’ it’s ‘’til someone starts doing something wrong,’ then it’s ‘Fuck you and I’m out.’

I laughed at his honesty, then asked, What do you do for thirty years to make it last, like, what do you do?

Nothing, you just ignore the shit outta them. He advised me as I laughed more robustly and questioned him, To make it last?

He chuckled too, and then added, It’s like with anything else in life, my dude.

Pardon? I wanted to know exactly what he meant.

It’s like with anything else in life: If you start paying too much attention to everything that’s going on around you, you go fucking crazy. So you just got to look at it, observe and respect it, and keep it moving.

Keep it moving? I couldn’t tell if this was the reason or the goal.

Because you know, you aren’t here for eternity, that’s bullshit, he added, as I agreed with him. He then went on to say, So you make the best of it, you learn, you identify yourself, and you live. I don’t bother you; you don’t bother me. If you fuck with me, all hell is going to break loose.

I nodded my head in agreement, still chuckling. So are you still friends with your ex-wives?

Yeah. He smiled and responded.

It’s a better relationship now? I went on to ask, as I applied the last layer of polish to his shoes.

Yea, I go out with them, I take, well, with the kids. I take them out… I go out with them and the kids when there’s a special occasion and stuff like that. It’s a little bit better, not impossible.

Oh, okay. That’s nice. I commended him as I buffed his worn shoes.

And my last wife, we have a good relationship. We go out, we talk on the phone, and it’s like a good friendship with like no problems.

I then smiled and said, I think marriage is a beautiful thing.

It is, it is, but you have to, you know, the thing is, if you’re doing good, and you got a job and everybody is working, everybody is making money, you know, everybody is happy, no problem, somebody doesn’t start working and staying home and stuff like that, soon they start with the shit and trust me… He trailed off like the end to this sentence was apparent.

So that’s one of the major problems, huh? I asked.

Money. They’ll stay with you while they can use you and then after that’s gone… You get married, this is my motto: You get married hoping that your wife never changes and she gets married hoping that she can change you into the man she wants.

Wow, I am somewhat speechless, never having heard that theory before.

Analyze it, and tell me it’s not true. First of all, they eliminate your friends. He said.

Yup! I agree, more to keep him on his roll.

He continues, That’s gone. You used to go out, that’s gone. You used to go out whenever you felt like it, but no more. So, what is the deal, are you married for love or are you married for changes? What the fuck?

I know, that makes sense, I nod.

I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but some of us needs some, some wisdom. He advise me, as I smile and say, Yeah.

He shakes his pant legs down and changes the subject; I almost didn’t make it today. My brother had, luckily I gave the keys to my brothers and they got into my house and woke me up. Otherwise, I would a still be sleeping.

How long are you going to be out there? I looked up at him and asked.

Till Friday morning. He said.

Well, I hope that your mom gets better. I said as I gave him the thumbs up signaling that he is all polished and ready to settle up.

Yeah, we’re going to keep her out there for at least three months and see what happens after that. He said, then looked down at his shoes and said, That’s very good, looks great, as he reached into his pocket for his wallet.

Thank you, thank you for the business. I tell him as he pays me.

Before walking off he said, Be very observant with their behavior and any sudden changes.

2

READY

I HAD A bad habit, a really bad one, whenever I would work the morning shift which started at 6 am and finished at 1:30 pm. I really don’t know how it happened, but I would never, ever come into work with the intention of going right to work, meaning that if a customer was already at the stand waiting for me to open to get a shine, I would be kind of upset at that customer. I would never show it, but it meant that I didn’t get a chance to take my morning stroll across the terminal to get my morning treats, which were mints, a newspaper, hot chocolate or oatmeal. I also liked to go to the restroom to make sure my face was OK and my hair was looking good. Only after doing all of that was I ready to begin my day.

You need a couple more minutes? My next customer asked me as I was setting up the stand that morning, while listening to music from my cellphone.

Yeah, just give me two more minutes, I replied, as I continued to take out my supplies. I then took out the cushions for the chairs, placed them on it and offered him to take a seat.

Thank you, he said as he climbed the stand and got seated. I then placed the footrest up and immediately attended to him.

Which of our shines would you like to have? I asked as I stood and looked up at him.

Oh, I’ll just take the basic was his response as I nodded my head and began to wrap the balm rag around my wrist and began cleaning his shoes.

Can you do a quick one? My flights leaves in less than ten minutes. He requested.

Of course, we’re going to be finished way before that I assured him, as I began to brush the balm off of his shoes. Where are you heading today?

Ah, DC, he replied.

You live there?

No I go there every week for business, I live right here in New York he added, then went on to asked, What about you?

I’m from Guyana, but I moved here four years ago, I replied, as I began to clean the soles of his shoes. How long are you going to be out in DC?

Just a week. I go out there every week and come back on Thursdays and spend the weekends here, he stated.

Oh that’s not so bad, I assured him, as I looked up at him then asked, Are you married?

He then began to laugh and then said, No, as he continued laughing.

Why are you laughing? What’s funny? I asked him since I clearly didn’t get the joke.

He continued to laugh and said, I’m not ready for marriage yet.

We both laughed aloud. I really didn’t know why he was laughing, but I thought that it was funny that he said he wasn’t ready for marriage and looked as if he was in his late forties, so I kept the questions rolling, asking, Did you have a bad experience?

No, but ah, you know, just not ready, got to find that right person first, he said as he quickly glanced at his watch.

Do you think marriage has the same value that it had twenty, thirty years ago?

Society wise, no. I guess for me it does, he stated.

Ok, why is that? I then asked, since I wanted him to be more specific.

My grandparents were married since they were seventeen or eighteen, something like that, and now they’re like seventy-something, and they’ve never lost love for each other.

Ok, did they argue a lot? I quickly asked him.

They might have, he said, then added, I stayed with them a lot, but you know what, my parents never saw them arguing and neither did I.

Ok, so therefore you would get married? I asked him with a smirk on my face.

I would do it, if I find the right person, but ah, I haven’t found the right person. If she came in my life right now, I still would have to think about it, and I do envy my grandfather for finding that right person, you know, ‘because I have a friend who’s been with his girl for like, ah, seven years. Since in college and he still loves her like he met her yesterday, so you know, if you find somebody like that, It’s definitely worth it for you, but I haven’t found that person for me. How about yourself, are you married?"

I continued to brush the polish into his shoes and said, No I’m not married, but I just like to hear what people have to say about marriage, because it’s something that I’m thinking about.

He then smiled and said Man, I feel if it’s the right person, you should do it.

Yeah but, you know, I meet a lot of people every day and the stuff most people say about marriage… like at first it can seem like it’s the right person, or it could even seem like it’s not the right person and then 10 years after being married it could be the right person. Different people, different opinions.

I hear you. Well, I guess the problem is you’ve got to meet the right person, he said.

"Yeah, but the big question is: How do you know