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Bite Hard
Bite Hard
Bite Hard
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Bite Hard

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The first collection by award-winning performance artist/poet Justin Chin. In Bite Hard, Chin explores his identity as an Asian, a gay man, an artist, and a lover. He rails against both his own life experiences and society's limitations and stereotypes with scathing humor, bare-bones honesty, and unblinking detail. Whether addressing "what really goes on in the kitchen of Chinese restaurants" or a series of ex-boyfriends, all named Michael, Chin displays his remarkable emotional range and voice as a poet. His raw, incantatory, stream-of-consciousness poems confront issues of race, desire, and loss with a compelling urgency that reflects his work as in performance, speaking directly to an audience. Throughout this collection, Chin demonstrates his uncanny ability to convey thought-provoking viewpoints on a variety of controversial subjects.
LanguageEnglish
Release dateJul 3, 2018
ISBN9781945665158
Bite Hard
Author

Justin Chin

Justin Chin lives in San Francisco. His work has appeared in many anthologies and magazines. He is the author of a book of essays, Mongrel, and a book of poetry, Bite Hard (Manic D Press), which was a 1998 Lambda Literary Award Finalist.

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    Book preview

    Bite Hard - Justin Chin

    Lingual Guilts

    Bitter

    Bitterness comes as revolution,

    cyclic, a snake

    biting its tail scales,

    a dog nipping its tail hairs, bitter,

    continuity achieved by subtlety,

    perceptions played out,

    questions followed by answers,

    ask, answer, some days

    you will know, others

    you wake to nothing of the same,

    the smell of washed grass,

    I have this theory: the rain

    each drop, big as bees, falls

    with a velocity to bore into the ground,

    tilling the grass smell out

    of the air pockets in the earth,

    the pine cones and the sea smell

    saltiness washed clean with Absolut,

    this is another country,

    this is a different place,

    the water tastes different

    and the Indian money changer

    with the stained dhoti and turban

    smelling of coconut oils and incense,

    sitting cross-legged at his pavement box store

    respects you for your money,

    and your whiteness stands out

    like wine stains on the hotel sheets,

    where I spilled a half bottle

    as we wrestled, our naked bodies

    pressed against the sweaty halfjest,

    facing the expansiveness

    of the night and the buzzing

    traffic, plays

    its points of red and yellow

    against the window panes

    while we lay watching the stars

    quiver and descend to inches

    before our eyes as strangers

    start to sprout hair all over

    their arms, faces, legs and slowly

    turn into large orangutans driving taxicabs,

    and the universe churns around us

    like a ride at Disneyland,

    disappearing into flat

    unbroken scheme.

    These were the lost years,

    writing really bad poems,

    arguing with border guards,

    this Walkman is not new,

    there’s no tax anyway,

    reading incomprehensible Beckett plays,

    discussing Gide and Orton

    tripping on dope bought from the bellboy,

    cheap wine from the Japanese departmental store,

    working on my tan,

    trying to add inches to my arms,

    listening to you detail your research

    on crossculturalisms, here,

    as we get off at the station

    built to look like a mosque

    with the grandeur of bright mosaic

    tiles spiraling up dome structures

    and intricately craved wood

    panelings to hide the grime

    and the weary travelers,

    rudely shouting at everybody.

    In the restroom, I squat

    hovering over the hole in the floor

    trying to work the uneasiness

    out of my stomach as I hear scraping

    of feet in the stall beside me,

    under the partition, there are two pairs

    of shoes, moving in a slow, frantic,

    desperate dance, trying to carve

    a small slice of validity, to find their heaven

    in this hemisphere of spent contradictions,

    in this two feet of shit-odored

    space, they have found their judgment

    and I leave them

    to find a pay phone,

    my father tells me that the sultana is dead,

    the TV programmings have been replaced

    with Koranic dirges and everybody

    is expected to wear black armbands:

    mandatory mourning will be checked on

    by the police, so he wears an armband even

    while playing all eighteen holes of golf,

    to be Chinese here is a bloody crime,

    he says and tells me to come home soon.

    Clutching our tickets to the crosswise

    third-class seats, we slouch backwards

    towards the darkness, feeling

    the close and warmth of our bodies

    disentangle and the distance, marked

    by the ashes of burning cane fields sticking

    to our flesh, the attraction between two bodies

    defined beyond gravity

    grows heavy as the night falls,

    and waving kampung children

    accompanied by their elders and parents

    give way to paddy fields and tobacco plantations,

    lit by night lights and the glow

    of the owner’s small huts,

    speed in front of our field of vision

    hushing us to sleep, until

    the feeling of urgency wakes me,

    heart beating like slacks in a bicycle chain,

    I find your body twitching ecstatically

    while you rub yourself and metal shards

    trickle out of your pants zipper

    and turn rusty as I catch them

    in my palm before they hit the floor,

    the red dust etches itself into the

    lines of my hands and the Nonya woman

    sitting across the aisle, facing me,

    takes my hands, spits into them,

    the metal cuts into my hands

    and I am left holding the remnants

    of our sex, like an offering

    to saints unknown, gods unbelieved,

    searching for the spiritual

    in the physicalness of your body,

    dust weaves a maze into our bones,

    femur holding suspended fragments

    of torn secrecy, jealousy, bitter,

    hip bone framing the ravishing, all

    held in place with ligaments

    fragile as pins and cobwebs,

    straining to the lure of hunger,

    as we make our way in the splash

    of early morning sunlight, yellow

    throwing long drawn out shadows

    on the walls, through the first-class carriage,

    through the recycled air-conditioned air,

    smelling of sweating passengers, bleary-eyed

    agog at the English-dubbed, the original

    Cantonese captioned, kung fu movie

    on the small TV screen, dangling

    like bait from the ceiling,

    to the dining car where

    the overpriced cheese sandwiches melt

    deliciously sticky and rancid.

    The pull of the station brings us

    to our destination,

    as we set on the platform,

    a swarm of brown-skinned boys, all

    flashing their brightest Colgate smiles

    want to take your backpack, help you

    find a hotel, take you to lunch,

    let you take them to dinner;

    I am not an entity here,

    I am competition in their minds,

    more likely some cheap slut, a paid whore

    who can be bested easily, they know that.

    We find our regular boarding house

    and the German expatriate,

    a longtime resident, greets us and displays

    the new boy he picked up in the park,

    gave a good scrubbing to and dressed

    in neatly pressed schoolboy outfits

    for as long as the skinny wide-eyed

    fawning boy wants to give handjobs.

    The boy offers to do your laundry,

    the English woman, a new resident,

    invites us for a drink up on the roof

    this evening, everybody seems glad

    to see you again and the voices

    flood into us like madness, pulling

    us into the tenderness of untruth.

    I invent space, poison, bitter,

    snake bites, safety,

    fester, if you boil roses

    for twenty hours with a teaspoon

    of fine sugar, stirring

    clockwise, then steaming your face

    in the saccharin fumes,

    you will be loved, I invent

    sweeping, mementos, maturity

    and still, nothing

    moves, stillness holds your tongue

    and it breaks into thorns

    sharp enough to pierce through

    penitent flesh, wrapping itself

    like a python squeezing the last

    out of what’s left of the moon

    reflected on the river as the peddlers

    calmly row their sampans laden

    with tourist trinkets and vegetables

    home; I know the temples

    of gold and saffron

    that burn incense and powders

    on the tongue, deviled,

    cutting sinners to jewels

    washed in front of Buddhas

    with smooth nipples and Egyptian eyes

    that said stay

    and you did.

    Lying in the room, cast

    a strange orange by the cellophane paper

    over the windows, we laid plans,

    mapping the fluidity of your life

    and mine: I will go south,

    to the East Coast to the sea, home

    eventually, you will stay and try find

    another boy: stranger angels

    have beset us, and trains

    are stories of sacraments

    melting on the tongue, holy,

    unspoken, blessed, and thoroughly

    immaterial, totally bloodless,

    the middleman calls,

    there is no hardness

    left, your body,

    opaque, dense as familiarity,

    leaves no stains, no inventions;

    the German has found a new boy,

    the train is delayed:

    an elephant caused a derailment,

    the platform is wheels, nothing

    can hurt, I float in sea foam,

    fine rain and bitter salt,

    disenchanted, drawn to decency, shaping

    pictures to memory that redefine

    visions, transforming virginities,

    pure, burning

    in the smell of cloves and lines

    etched into your palm, kissed

    with no exhilarating lips, yes,

    it will be a suffering,

    this is the tao of the situation, bitterness,

    balance achieved by the necessity

    of lies, all these lingual guilts,

    cruel, bitter, bite hard

    this morning, by the window watching

    the monsoon splatter itself against the panes,

    I watched the neighbor children

    splashing in the puddles, holding

    plastic bags hoping to catch tadpoles

    that will later

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