Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $9.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Psecret Psociety Pshort Pstories, vol. 3
    Psecret Psociety Pshort Pstories, vol. 3
    Psecret Psociety Pshort Pstories, vol. 3
    Ebook363 pages5 hours

    Psecret Psociety Pshort Pstories, vol. 3

    By Mike Bozart

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    [from the inside virtual flap]

    All thirty-six short stories from calendar year 2017 are invisibly bound together in this digital document. Just like Psecret Psociety Pshort Pstories, Volume 1 (and Volume 2), these brief tales run the gamut from the thought-filled meta-real to the subtly surreal to the oddly-ungodly ordinary. Most would be American-movie-rated PG-13; however, one North Coast (California) tale, Lolita of Loleta, is quite risqué, and is for adults only. All fall between 1,000 and 4,500 words, with 2,300 words being the average run of script.

    A novelette, 'Foxfire', is appended as a bonus.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMike Bozart
    Release dateJan 9, 2018
    ISBN9781370852178
    Psecret Psociety Pshort Pstories, vol. 3
    Author

    Mike Bozart

    Mike Bozart was born in the tidewater area of Virginia (US Navy kid) on a hot afternoon in 1964. He attended a mix of public and Catholic grade schools. After graduating with an Earth Science degree from UNC-Charlotte in 1986, he started doing safety technical writing.Former residences in North Carolina include Raleigh, Greensboro, Wilmington, Carolina Beach, Etowah and Asheville. Charlotte is his current residence. He has also lived in downtown San Francisco (early '90s).Mike has written numerous surreal poem-stories and over a dozen 1500-word quasi-real short stories under the psecret psociety heading. Gold, his first novel, was rough-drafted in just 27 days during a seven-week period (May 23 – July 11, 2013).Mike's first novella was To Morrow Tomorrow (2014); his second was Mysterieau of San Francisco (2015).Mike does artwork under the nom de brosse of m. van tryke.The author is happily remarried (Sharon) with a son (Kirk).

    Read more from Mike Bozart

    Related to Psecret Psociety Pshort Pstories, vol. 3

    Related ebooks

    General Fiction For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Edged by The L Word

      Feb 24, 2023

      Edged by The L Word
      3 min read

    • Article

      It’ S Time To Say Goodbye To Being “The Good Gay”

      Jul 29, 2022

      “You can be trans and toxic, it’s called intersectionality bitch.” Ruthie makes this statement early on in the latest reimagining of Queer As Folk. Before I started watching the show, the state of the world had me in the type of negative headspace th

      3 min read

    • Article

      The #Earper effect

      Jul 29, 2022

      The #Earper effect
      4 min read

    • Article

      New Movie Releases

      Jul 21, 2022

      New Movie Releases
      2 min read

    • Article

      The How-to Guide

      Jul 21, 2022

      The How-to Guide
      7 min read

    • Article

      Why I Hate The Word “Lesbian”

      Jun 24, 2022

      I came out when I was at university and, being a newly minted member of the LGBTQI community, I sought out my spaces, my peers. There were several gay pubs in the city centre, almost exclusively full of men, and then there was the one lesbian bar, hi

      2 min read

    • Article

      Bringing “The First Modern Lesbian” To Life

      Mar 25, 2022

      Yorkshire-born writer and director Sally Wainwright is one of TV’s most talented voices and her best creation of all is groundbreaking period drama Gentleman Jack. We caught up with Sally to find out more about her Anne Lister obsession (we totally r

      3 min read

    • Article

      Wild Cards

      Oct 28, 2021

      Wild Cards
      4 min read

    • Article

      Write It On Your Skin

      Aug 26, 2022

      Write It On Your Skin
      5 min read

    • Article

      Music

      Jun 24, 2022

      Music
      1 min read

    • Article

      Screen

      Apr 29, 2022

      Screen
      2 min read

    • Article

      Books

      Aug 26, 2022

      Books
      2 min read

    • Article

      No Longer There For You

      Dec 23, 2022

      As most of my friends and family know, I’m somewhat of a sponge for useless facts. One of my favourite facts for the new year is that the month of January is named after the Roman God Janus, who is described as having two heads – one looking to the f

      2 min read

    • Article

      A League OF HER OWN

      Aug 26, 2022

      A League OF HER OWN
      6 min read

    • Article

      A Film Critics Takes Direction

      Jun 30, 2020

      I have lived in Los Angeles most of my working life, but I am also a member of the New York Film Critics Circle. And so it came to pass in January that I was present at its annual awards dinner, a chummy affair at a vast, multitiered Chinese restaura

      9 min read

    • Article

      It's Only Rock 'N' Roll

      Nov 12, 2019

      It's Only Rock 'N' Roll
      25 min read

    • Article

      Screen

      Jul 29, 2022

      Screen
      2 min read

    • Article

      Music

      Dec 23, 2022

      Music
      1 min read

    • Article

      Comic Relief

      May 16, 2023

      Comic Relief
      4 min read

    • Article

      Generation Q With The T?

      Feb 21, 2020

      I loved The L Word so much. From 2004 to 2009 the gloriously soapy drama followed the lives of a group of aspirational gay and bi women living in LA. To see queer women doing anything on television was ground breaking in itself, but over those six se

      5 min read

    • Article

      My Secret Sex Diary

      Mar 25, 2022

      My Secret Sex Diary
      2 min read

    • Article

      Never Been With A Woman?

      Jul 29, 2022

      “Um, so when you go down on me, what exactly are you doing?” I bashfully ask my boyfriend one night. I take thorough mental notes as he describes his technique. You see, after some extremely flirtatious exchanges with women on nights out, I’m startin

      4 min read

    • Article

      “It’s Outlaw Music”

      Aug 13, 2020

      “It’s Outlaw Music”
      12 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for Psecret Psociety Pshort Pstories, vol. 3

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      Psecret Psociety Pshort Pstories, vol. 3 - Mike Bozart

      [[||]] … from the [virtual] inside flap …

      All thirty-six short stories from calendar year 2017 are invisibly bound together in this digital document. Just like Psecret Psociety Pshort Pstories, Volume 1 (and Volume 2), these brief tales run the gamut from the thought-filled meta-real to the subtly surreal to the oddly-ungodly ordinary. Most would be American-movie-rated PG-13; however, one North Coast (California) tale, Lolita of Loleta, is quite risqué, and is for adults only. All fall between 1,000 and 4,500 words, with 2,300 words being the average run of script.

      Of the three dozen tales herein, twenty-one are largely autobiographical. Accompanying the author (Agent 33) in most of these slice-of-life vignettes is his wife, code name Monique (Agent 32). Both are part of a nebulous entity known as psecret psociety (yes, with silent p’s), which has an indecipherable mission statement lying around somewhere gathering dust.

      So, if you find yourself in need of some interesting (or at least different) reading material to fill those ten-to-fifteen-minute voids in your day, this might fit the bill of sail. [sic]

      The future may be a vastly unconfined space, but from this vantage point, it’s a bottle that is draining fast.

      – Galerie Parcouer

      Psecret psociety pshort pstories

      Vol. III (2017)

      by Mike Bozart

      1st Edition

      (with gallery graphics)

      © 2018 Mike Bozart, all rights reserved

      And now for some somber legalese … [Yes, I heard that yawn ago.]

      First and foremost, this collection of short stories is a volume of fiction, and is not an entirely factual account of any slice of the space-time continuum on Earth or anywhere else. Names, characters, places, events, incidents, and situations are either the product of the author’s warped imagination or are used in a purely and wholly fictitious fashion. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or their otherworldly spirits, or any precious locales or proprietary objects and related implements, is entirely, and without exception, coincidental. Whew! Glad that’s over.

      cover art by M. van Tryke

      This collection of tales

      is dedicated to those

      of you who pause

      to aimlessly wonder

      about this existence

      on a cool gray day

      as the microwave oven

      beeps … again

      ~{~

      Table of Contents

      Cover

      Inside flap

      Title page

      Disclaimer

      Dedication

      Foreword

      Preface

      Acknowledgments

      Epigraph

      About the Author

      1. Charlie West

      2. Fries or Freeze

      3. Gallivanting in Galax

      4. The Punt

      5. Lake Montonia Gaze

      6. Greenville Jaunt

      7. Lake Montonia Regazed

      8. The Bully’s Last Slurp

      9. Grandfathered

      10. Inside Office 108

      11. Winston-Salem Revue

      12. Quotidian x 2

      13. Xinguara

      14. Yep, That was Me

      15. Terminal Moraine

      16. The Classified Ad

      17. Trinidad Head

      18. Mad River Madman

      19. Al on Arcata

      20. Fortunate in Fortuna

      21. Lolita of Loleta

      22. The Other Manila

      23. Samoa Sam

      24. Moonstone Moonchild

      25. The Vision

      26. Columbia Eclipsed

      27. Pass-Through Paradox

      28. The Toothache

      29. The Locked Door

      30. The Bunker

      31. Starring in Roanoke

      32. The Race

      33. Zap

      34. That Day

      35. The Waitress

      36. The Waiter

      37. Bonus novelette: Foxfire

      Foreword

      Another collection of short stories by my old pal in North Carolina. Yeah, his electronic file plopped into – and promptly clogged – my inbox three days ago. Ahem. Ok, where do I start? Hold on. Let me get another drink. Hope I’m not out of Bailey’s.

      He offers up thirty-six this time. Unfortunately, twenty-one of the three dozen involve him doing the same, really got old six years ago, (supposedly) secretly recorded conversation deal. So, let’s see; that’s 21 over 36. And that’s 58.33% according to my solar calculator. I wish that number was more like 5.83% to be perfectly honest. Oh, Monique is fine, but he is just not that interesting or entertaining. I’ve told him to cut down on the autobiographical ones. Way, way down. Obviously, my beneficial advice has fallen on deaf ears. Well, it’s his loss. I tried.

      Oh, he also includes a couple of stories revolving around his rooting for the Liverpool Football Club (LFC) in various Charlotte bars. I told him nine months ago to stop writing about such, as they just reduce his small niche readership even further, as only a slither are LFC fans. Once again, my advice was unheeded.

      Now to the much more preferable non-autobiographical tales. My favorite one is The Bunker. That’s me all the way. Yes, I really identified with the older Canadian fellow. However, he cut the story short. It could have – and should have – gone on for at least another 500 words. Well, if nothing else, he’s created a new genre for readers who like to be left frustrated: the cut-short short story. It’s certain to be a hit. Not!

      Well, he wanted this preface to be at least 400 words. The kettle is whistling. My head hurts and my feet are cold. Yep, I’m done.

      Take it or leave it, Mike. Oh, by the way, I’m still waiting on that check from last year. I bet that you redact the preceding sentence, and this one. Cheers!

      – Herman S. Goetze [Taos, New Mexico, USA]

      Preface

      Short stories. Some nearly as word-starved as flash fiction. You take a bite with your eyes and chew it with your mind. If you don’t like it, it’s over rather quickly – unlike a 400-page novel. But, if you do like the particular condensed tale, well, you get to savor it more incisively – almost like a poem. Anyway, that’s what she (Monique) suggested I write.

      Yes, I still love the 1500-meter race. I mean, the 1500-word pace. It’s a nice distance. A nice segment of the trail. Though, I seem to be favoring the 2.5K in this set.

      Word to the wise reader: Italics after a paragraph of normal-face text are character thoughts. Which character? you silently ask. Well, it is usually apparent. And when it is unclear, well, it just adds to the enigma of it all. So ridiculous!

      There are obvious, and not so obvious, paradoxes swimming around in this binary tank of tales. The word even appears in a title: Pass-Through Paradox. Though, maybe not singular.

      Psecret Psociety Pshort Pstories, Volume 1 comprised six calendar years of short stories, spanning from January 2010 through December 2015. Yes, we got off to a slow start. Blame it on Gold (the novel and the short story), too much noodling, wrong paths taken, single-speed bicycling, and mushroom foraging. Volume 2 was comprised from just one year (2016), as was this collection: Volume 3 (2017). I have a keen hunch that Volume 4 may take two years – or more (if I last that long). Yes, the old boy is slowing down. Health aint what it was. The gears upstairs are clanking, and it’s way too late for a squirt of oil to remedy the defects.

      Acknowledgments

      The author would like to once again thank his co-conspiratorial wife (aka Monique) for partaking in – and greatly enhancing – these meta-real tales.

      Help! I’ve fallen in and I can’t get out.

      1. Charlie West (Jan. 2017)

      A mild, sunny, halcyon December Thursday morning in eastern North America found my Filipina wife Monique (Agent 32) and I (Agent 33) in our gray 2005 Kia Rio hatchback, motoring northward up Interstate Highway 77 (aka I-77), nearing the North Carolina – Virginia state line. We were going to rent a car at CLT (the Charlotte airport), but when Advantage tried to slide in hundreds of dollars in additional charges, we politely declined the disadvantage. The cheerful counter clerk then candidly informed us that they had to do such, as some locals were not returning the cars. I thought: What the hell! Who are they allowing to drive off in their almost-new cars? Don’t they do any screening?

      The little 4-cylinder engine chugged up the Blue Ridge escarpment. A few miles into Virginia, a breathtaking view of the North Carolina piedmont opened up on the right.

      Nice view, isn’t it, Agent 32? Agent 32? He’s already in record mode. Unbelievable.

      It certainly is, Parkaar. [my ailing alias] But, please keep your eyes on the road. Slow down! We’re coming up fast on that creeping truck.

      I let off the gas pedal a little. An 18-wheeler was crawling up the mountainside. I then passed the semi on the left and settled in the center lane. I wonder if Monique is getting hungry. I bet she is. She didn’t eat any breakfast. She’s going hypoglycemic, I can tell.

      Want to stop in Wytheville for lunch? I asked her.

      Monique spied a sign. Is that near Fort Chiswell?

      Fort Jizzwell? [sic] He said that for the recorder.

      Gosh, that’s so vulgar, 33!

      Frank [the late, great Agent 107, a dark-haired Caucasian dude who kind of looked like Bryan Ferry, circa 1975] and I called it that. We always got a chuckle out of it. They thought that was funny? Men!

      I guess it’s a male thing. Anyway, how far from Wytheville are we?

      Just 27 minutes out, mahal. [love in Tagalog]

      Ok, let’s stop there.

      Soon we were sitting in the Appleby’s (an American chain restaurant) on East Main Street (US 11). A very courteous African American waitress took our order. I looked over at the bar, and remained fixated on it. So, that’s where Frank would go on Saturday nights, searching for new love.

      Monique noticed my incessant staring at the horseshoe-shaped bar. Did you meet another agent at that bar, 33? Tell the truth. Don’t lie.

      No, nothing like that, 32. It’s where Frank would ply the local lasses a decade ago, looking for a compatible date. He told me that he would be doing ok until the girl found out that he hadn’t gone to the local high school. What?!

      Really? Monique asked with a stunned expression.

      That’s what he told me, 32. He also said that he was at a further disadvantage, as he wasn’t a ball-cap wearer, much less one to don one backwards.

      Did Frank drink alcohol at that bar, 33?

      Yes, even though he never really liked doing such. He told me that he would nurse a Heineken for two hours, so as to not seem odd. I know that he would have loved to fire up a big bowl [of marijuana] instead.

      Oh yes, I’m sure of that, Agent 33.

      Our waitress then returned with our food. Monique had a grilled chicken and rice dish. I just had a bowl of French onion soup. We ate without speaking; we were famished. This soup is fairly tasty. I’d give it a 7.777777.

      I paid our bill thirteen minutes later. Under the tip I left the waitress a coupon for a free download of Gold, a summer story (my 2013 e-novel). Upon exiting, the ever-smiling waitress suddenly said: Thank you, agents! Wow! I guess she overheard us. / I wonder if she will friend-request psecret psociety on Facebook. She seems game to it.

      Our journey continued up I-77. We were soon approaching the Big Walker Mountain Tunnel. I checked to make sure that the headlights were on.

      Monique saw the tunnel’s name next to the portal. Is there a Little Walker Mountain Tunnel, too, Parkaar?

      I don’t think so, Monique.

      "Then, why the Big, 33?"

      It’s probably a tall tale, 32, with a short ending.

      I just had to ask. She shook her head and sighed.

      I had a quick laugh. She then smiled.

      Soon we emerged from the northwest portal of the eight-tenths-of-a-mile-long (1.29 km) underground vehicular passage. Nineteen miles (30.58 km) later, we were entering the East River Mountain Tunnel.

      When we emerge from this one, 32, we’ll be in WV. [West Virginia]

      When we exited the second tunnel, Monique made a declaration: That last tunnel is longer than the first one, 33.

      How do you know this to be true, perspicacious Agent 32? Did you time our passages through both of them? But, what if our average speeds were different?

      No, I didn’t time them, Agent 33.

      Then how do you know that the latter tunnel is longer than the former?

      "It’s a psecret, [sic] 33, with a silent p. That last tunnel was a shade over a mile. [1.61 km] Am I right, Mr. Geo-Almanac?" [sic] Mr. Geo-Almanac? What?

      Well, yes, you are correct, 32. The East River Mountain Tunnel is 1.025 miles [1.65 km] long.

      The conversation ceased until we rolled past Flat Top Mountain. I wonder if she remembers that sledding day.

      Remember when we went sledding next to the Winterplace Ski Resort? Agent 66 [my son] was with us.

      Not sure that I recall that, 33. What is he on about now?

      We also tried snowboarding. I think that I made it 70 yards [64 meters] before falling. Agent 66 won, however, as he went 100 yards [91.44 meters] before toppling.

      Oh, yes; I remember it now. We spent the night in Wytheville. You didn’t want to drive all the way back to Charlotte. Probably had roid rage.

      We stopped and paid at the Ghent Toll Plaza. Twenty-four minutes later, we were rolling into the Pax Toll Plaza to pay another two dollars.

      Is this the last one? Monique asked.

      No, there is one more before Charleston, 32.

      What do they use the toll money for, 33?

      Well, initially it was used to pay off the cost of road construction. But, now it’s used for road maintenance, I suppose. Once a highway goes toll, it rarely reverts back to being a freeway. State governments like that steady stream of revenue too much.

      I’m glad you have cash in your wallet, 33. They don’t accept debit or credit cards.

      Yeah, I researched this turnpike yesterday, 32.

      That figures. She giggled.

      After another twenty-four minutes, we were clearing the Chelyan Toll Plaza. Interstate 64-77 then flanked the teal green Kanawha River all the way to Charleston. The river is wider than I thought. / I bet that water is cold.

      When I saw the golden dome of the Capitol Building, I pointed it out (to the left) for Monique.

      Well, after 271 miles, [436 km] we’re finally here, Agent 32.

      Where is our hotel?

      Just a mile away, I said as I veered for Exit 100.

      Soon we were parking behind the Charleston Capitol Hotel, an older nine-floor inn on Washington Street that was in the process of being upfitted to become a Wyndham Garden Hotel. Our room – 301 – was definitely pre-remodel: The now-adhesion-less wallpaper had waves in it. But, other than that, it was a decent room for the money.

      Monique unpacked our luggage as I examined the room for clues. I soon noticed that the casement window’s sashes were screwed so that they would not slide open.

      Monique, the window is locked.

      Maybe someone committed suicide, and the hotel wants to prevent another fatal leap.

      I don’t think that a leap from this window would be fatal, Agent 32. Come over and take a look.

      Monique walked over and saw that the flat roof of the second story was only 13 feet (4 meters) below. If we had to evacuate quickly, we could jump onto that HVAC unit. [It was only 8 feet (2.44 meters) below the sill.]

      "Yes, we could, Agent 32, like in Tiki Wiki. [a previous short story] Never know when you’ll need an alternate exit."

      Do you feel tired, Parkaar?

      Surprisingly, not really, Monique. Want to tour the downtown on foot?

      Sure! I want to take some pics and videos, 33.

      Ok, let’s hit the streets of this town of Charles, Agent 32.

      At 3:47 PM we were walking down Leon Sullivan Way towards the Kanawha River. Monique stopped to take some pics of the patina-coated-spires of Sacred Heart Roman Catholic Church.

      Once across Kanawha Boulevard, we walked northwestward along a narrow riverside asphalt sidewalk. The sidewalk was level with the street curb, but just to the left, a very steep, grass-covered slope dropped down to a lower walkway some 25 feet (7.62 meters) or so below. If you weren’t paying attention – texting for example – you could take quite a nasty tumble. Surprised there’s no railing. Very dangerous for bicycles and skateboards. Maybe they aren’t allowed on the upper walk. And, what about tipsy folks leaving pubs? Just one errant step. Has there not been a lawsuit yet? Not even any warning signs. I guess Charleston is not as litigious as Charlotte. Walker beware.

      Watch your step, Monique. You could literally die if you landed the wrong way. No Facebooking here.

      I hear you, Mr. Safety. But, unlike you, I can walk and chew gum. Don’t be so paranoid. Walk and chew gum? She must have got that phrase from my dad.

      I’m paid to be paranoid, asawa. [wife in Cebuano]

      She just smiled.

      A few minutes later we were passing under the mighty South Side Bridge, a Parker truss bridge. I looked back and noticed a stairway leading up to the road deck. Ah, nice! The bridge allows for pedestrian crossings.

      Want to walk across the bridge, Monique?

      Maybe later, Parkaar. I think I’m feeling hungry again.

      Ok, no problem, 32. Capitol Street is just ahead. Many good restaurants on that street from what I’ve read online.

      Ok, lead the way, 33.

      We walked up to the historic, twelve-story Union Building, which was where Capitol Street came to a T-intersection with Kanawha Boulevard. The sidewalk was quite narrow. A sign just above the railing warned:

      CAUTION

      BOULEVARD

      TRAFFIC

      AT FOOT OF STEPS

      And, they weren’t kidding, either. Motor vehicles whizzed by us – inches from our toes – at 45 MPH (72.4 km/h). You sure don’t want to rush out of this building.

      After 30 to 40 seconds, we got a white crosswalk signal and traversed Kanawha Boulevard. We soon came upon a pair of late-20-something Caucasian male hipsters, who were chatting away outside Sam’s Uptown Cafe and Bar. As we passed them, I heard one of them ask the other: Are you staying in Charlie West this weekend? Staying in Charlie West? Huh?

      While waiting for the crosswalk signal to turn at Virginia Street, I turned to look at my lovely pinay (Tagalog for a Filipina) wife. Hon, can I borrow your phone for a second?

      Sure, she said as she handed the Samsung Galaxy to me. Need to look at Google Maps?

      Uh, no. I just need to look up a phrase.

      What phrase would that be, Parkaar?

      Charlie West. Oh, I just found it. It’s a nickname for Charleston, West Virginia. I heard one of those dudes back there say it. He’s always eavesdropping.

      I handed the phone back to Monique. We proceeded northeastward on Capitol Street. The sidewalks now had more people on them. Employees were getting off work. A desk clock in a storefront window stated that it was 4:31. Ah, only off by a minute.

      We soon came upon The Elite Gentlemen’s Club. Monique then looked at me. Is this a totoy [boobs in Cebuano] bar, Parkaar?

      I think so, mahal.

      So, they have these places in every city in America, 33?

      Yeah, pretty much. But, they’re not as wild as the ones in Manila.

      And, how would you know, my darling kano? [Filipino slang for American] Foot-in-mouth disease strikes again.

      Oh, friends have told me. What a lame answer. But, I’ll give him a pass for now.

      Well, I’m hungry for some good pizza, Parkaar.

      Right after we passed a packed Adelphia Sports Bar & Grille, there it was: Pies and Pints. Ah, yes – found it.

      We passed through the green façade. The place was bustling. Lively conversations abounded between pizza chomps and gulps of suds. Looks like a kewl [sic] scene. / Wonder how long we’ll have to wait to be seated.

      Just a minute later, the blonde-haired hostess led us to a 2-top table that was adjacent to a 4-top table in the rear dining area, where a Caucasian dad, mom and two sons were finishing up and preparing to leave.

      A brunette waitress soon came over to take our drink order. Monique just ordered a Sprite. I asked the waitress to surprise me with a good West Virginia dark beer. The Big Timber Porter that she brought back was exceptional. Five stars all the way from Elkins. I hope that I can find this beer somewhere in Charlotte.

      We then ordered an onion pizza, as a biracial family of four sat down just three feet (one meter) from us. Due to the close proximity, conversations couldn’t be ignored. The light-skinned African American dad made a statement to his Caucasian wife: We should be able to make it to Mocksville by nine o’clock. Mocksville?

      Pardon me for asking, but are you guys going to Mocksville, North Carolina? I queried the mid-30-something gent to my immediate right.

      Sure are, the man said. That’s where my wife’s family is from. We’ll have Christmas down there. We always stop in Charleston, because it’s the halfway mark.

      I can remember going to a campground near Mocksville in the ‘70s with my family, I said. It had this large pond with a waterslide and diving platform in the middle. But, I forget the name of it. [Lake Myers] So, where did you guys start out from?

      Just south of Youngstown. [Ohio]

      Browns fans?

      No, Steelers.

      Oh, that’s right; eastern Ohio is Steeler country.

      Most, but not all of it. And, where are you guys from?

      Charlotte.

      A fast-growing city.

      Fast-growing rents, too.

      He chuckled as the waitress placed the large pizza on the silver rack on our table. The pie was delicious. We devoured it, leaving nary a crumb.

      Upon leaving, I told the man and his wife that I had a biracial son, and that they had two lovely daughters. The teenage girls blushed. We wished each other safe travels.

      Monique and I then sauntered along Capitol Street to Washington Street, where we turned right and walked back to our hotel. It feels fairly safe strolling this town at night.

      Once ensconced in our room, I checked the psecret psociety page on Facebook. Ernie the electronic earwig had posted a question about combination sports. Some of the replies from the agents were quite amusing. Billiards using hand grenades. Ha! Agent 4 must have been toked-up.

      Monique got into bed and checked her Facebook on her smartphone. She sent a message to me (even though I was sitting in a chair only about ten feet – 3 meters – away):

      When are you going to get in the bed? I’m cold! Ah, the madness of this modern digital age.

      We fundled [sic] our grundles and then slept like babies through the foggy West Charlie night. After a courtesy continental breakfast, we were putting our shoe soles to the Charleston sidewalks once again. Today’s first target: Charleston Town Center, a three-level shopping mall that was only seven blocks away. Monique demanded this one.

      The mall was already packed at 10:10 AM on this Friday before Christmas. I followed Monique as she went shop to shop, diligently searching for refrigerator magnets (her favorite item to collect as of late). As we passed through the food court, I saw a dour-looking, 50-something, Caucasian guy sporting a Cleveland Browns cap. Well, there’s a true fan. I don’t think Cleveland has won a single game this year.

      We struck out in the mall proper. However, a nearby corner shop had some very irreverent magnets for the fridge. We bought two: Go Fuck Your Self and one of Mister (Fred) Rogers flipping the middle finger.

      The pangs of hunger hit as we arrived at the corner of Capitol & Lee. Monique wanted Italian again, and Graziano’s was right there. Thus, in we went. She ordered a Stromboli and I got a slice of cheese pizza. It was good feed.

      Our consumption slowed. I studied the restaurant’s interior, wondering if any patron had ever uttered the phrase Charlie West. And then I mumbled such. Did he say something?

      Are you feeling ok, 33? Monique asked between bites.

      Yes, feeling fine, mahal. And, how about you?

      Feeling good now. I love this food. I have energy again.

      Then I thought about the banner on the business next door (Delfine’s Jewelry).

      Monique, did you notice the banner hanging on the shop next door?

      No, Parkaar, I didn’t. What did it say?

      Long-term wife insurance. A clever pun for a jewelry store, huh? I chuckled.

      The ring you got me is fine, 33. I love it!

      We boxed up what we couldn’t finish and walked back to our hotel room. Rain moved in. We just stayed inside, ate leftovers, and watched the local news.

      A male reporter was at Yeager Airport giving a delay update. There was only a lone traveler in camera range. The 40-ish Caucasian reporter then made a municipality-deprecating pronouncement: Well, as you can plainly see, folks, our fair city is not a top holiday destination. Ah, but we came and have enjoyed it. We could retire in Charlie West. Cheap rent.

      On the way out of Charleston on Saturday, Christmas Eve, we had a nice Thai lunch at Su Tei on MacCorkle Avenue SE. The green curry was piquantly divine. Monique’s red curry wasn’t overly sweet, she informed.

      Before we left, I asked the late-30-something Asian waitress if Charlie West sounded familiar. She said that she didn’t remember such a customer. And, I just left it at that. Of course, I left another Gold card under the tip. Maybe she knows English well enough to read it. Or, maybe she gives it to her novel-loving best friend. Or, maybe I’m just steadily going knowhere. [sic] Floating down the chilly Kanawha River. Slowly losing buoyancy. Settling in the silt.

      2. Fries of Freeze (Jan. 2017)

      The wooden sign on Scenic Road (Virginia Route 94) read:

      Where the Trail begins … FRIES

      I pulled off on the gravel turnout and immediately saw the 15-foot-tall (4.57 meters), stone, turn-of-the-20th-century, cotton mill dam on the New River.

      What’s the deal with this stop, Parkaar? [my ailing alias] Monique, my Filipina wife, asked from the passenger seat of our 2005 Kia Rio. I just know that he’s already recording.

      Oh, I just wanted to look at this old dam again, Agent 32. Agent 32? Yep, he’s definitely recording.

      Why, did someone go over it and die?

      Not sure. Maybe when it was a waterfall. [The dam was built at the site of Bartlett Falls.]

      I stepped out of our warm, gray car, and into a cold, gray December day. There were patches of hardened snow here and there that crunched under foot. The temperature was below freezing, even at the four o’clock hour.

      Monique then got out and walked over to the edge of the little plateau. She glanced down at the narrow pond that was adjacent to the river.

      A brown sedan then slowly drove by. I guess we are already on the radar.

      What is the purpose of that dam, Parkaar? Was it built for flood control?

      No, it was built for hydroelectric power for the textile plant. See that old building down there. I pointed to a brick, four-story powerhouse.

      Monique stared at the old building that had large, arched, bricked-in, top-floor window insets.

      The water flowed through it, 32, turning large turbines for electricity. The guy who got the mill up and running was from North Carolina. The town has his surname.

      Oh, I thought that it was because this town had good French fries, 33. She then had a hearty laugh.

      I chuckled. "And, get this, the correct pronunciation is freeze."

      How do you know this, 33?

      "I remember reading

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1