Cross My Heart

Cross My Heart

By S.N. Garza

©October 2017, Stephanie Nicole Garza

Revised: 2023

Cover Design: SNGarza

Cover Photo: iStock

Edited: Kristina Bolt

SMASHWORDS EDITIONS

All Rights Reserved

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, duplicated, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher's prior written consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, incidents, places are either the work of the author's imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, business establishments or locales is entirely coincidental.

Blurb

Cross My Heart

Evony Summers grew up knowing one thing. She was, is and always will be nothing but a useless, worthless mistake.

When Gavin Winters moves in next door, she has no idea what to make of the lonely boy with dark, sad eyes. Until he saves her one dark, stormy night.

Just when she needs him the most, he vanishes without a trace, leaving Evony broken and alone. More damaged than she's ever been. Evony learns that promises are nothing but empty words. And Gavin became nothing more than a memory.

Twelve years later, he's back from the Army and wants nothing more than to see Evony all grown up. The girl he had no choice but to leave for, turned into a sexy-as-sin, hard-to-handle woman who wants nothing to do with him. There are questions that need to be answered, but they just might be more than he can take. But one thing Evony will learn, is that Gavin isn’t giving her up.

Cross his heart and hope to die.

Author’s note

This book was inspired by Carrie Underwood’s song, ‘Little Toy Guns’. Because words are one of the most powerful tools we have. Then I thought of the title and this is the oath in all its entirety. It’s fitting for Gavin & Evony. Happy Reading.

Cross my heart and hope to die

Stick a needle in my eye

Wait a moment,

I spoke a lie

I never really wanted to die

But if I may and if I might

My heart is open for tonight

Though my lips are sealed

And a promise is true

I won’t break my word

My word to you

Cross my heart

Hope to die

Stick a needle in my eye

A secret's secret

My word is forever

I will tell no one

About your cruel endeavor

You claim no pain

But I see right through

Your words in

Everything you do.

Teary eyes

Broken heart

Life has torn

You apart

Cross my heart

Hope to die

Stick a needle in my eye

I loved you then

I love you now

I’ll still love you

Though I’ll break my vow.

I can't hold this secret

Any longer

It’s hurting you

Not making you stronger.

You’re my friend

So I’ll risk your respect by hurting you

I can protect

I’ll save yourself

Since you will not

You might hate me

But I’ll give it a shot

I’m willing to risk

Our bond that we own long as you're safe

You won't be alone

Cross my heart

Hope to die

Stick a needle in my eye

Break my promise

Tell a lie

Save my friend

Though, maybe it's 'bye'.

-author unknown

Table of Contents

Copyright

Blurb

Author Note

1: Evony

2: Gavin

3: Evony

4: Evony

5: Gavin

6: Evony

7: Gavin

8: Evony

9: Gavin

10: Evony

11: Gavin

12: Evony

13: Gavin

14: Evony

15: Evony

16: Gavin

17: Evony

18: Evony

19: Gavin

20: Evony

21: Gavin

22: Gavin

23: Gavin

24: Evony

25: Evony

26: Evony

27: Evony

28: Gavin

29: Evony

30: Gavin

31: Evony

32: Evony

Bonus Content

Playlist

Back of Book Sh*t

Other Titles

About the Author

Recommended Reads

1: Evony

Age 4

I was outside laying on my favorite blanket coloring when I saw a small U-Haul drive up to the trailer next door. A woman and a boy a little older than me got out and went up the dirt drive to the blue trailer which had been empty for as long as I could remember. The boy trailed after her, his shoulders slumped and as I sat up, his head turned, and he looked right at me.

He looked super tall even with his shoulders hanging low. His hair was the color of burnt sugar. I couldn’t tell the color of his eyes, but they looked sad. I lifted my hand to wave hello, but he turned away and walked inside. I don’t know why he didn’t wave back, and I felt tears bubbling in my eyes. He didn’t have to be mean.

Then I heard the screen door bang against our own little, white trailer making me flinch and jerk around to see my father, drunk with a long neck bottle in his hand stepped onto the wooden stairway.

EVONY! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! Dad’s voice was super scary when he screamed. I knew if I didn’t quickly obey, I’d get a belt to my behind, or worse, a switch, so I hurried and gathered up my stuff. I scurried up the small drive when the new boy from next door came outside and looked right over as my father yelled again. HURRY THE FUCK UP, BRAT. I AIN’T GOT ALL DAMN DAY.

I saw the boy’s fists ball up tight and I shook my head quickly with wide eyes when he started walking this way. He must have seen the plea in my gaze because he stopped, his brows crinkled with confusion but by then, my dad had grabbed my upper arm and yanked me inside.

I knew better than to cry in front of him, but his grip was tight, and it hurt. I could smell the awful smell once again on his breath from the bottle he drank from. I didn’t like it when he drank that stuff. It made him even meaner. Mama was at work until late-late. As in, after I went to bed. I didn’t know what she did, but it must be something great because my dad was home all the time. Sometimes he left me here alone. Not for very long, but I normally stayed in my bedroom and colored or read the little books mom got for me sometimes about a ballerina.

I wondered what made the new people next door come here. It’s quiet in this park, except for when daddy yelled or him and mama fought like cats and dogs.

Evony, stupid girl, clean up this mess. I looked around the front room where he had thrown the pizza box we had for dinner on the floor, and several bottles that said ‘Bud Light’ lying around. What the hell you waitin’ on, worthless?

That’s what he always called me. I didn’t know what it meant, but I think it’s not nice. Even though I didn’t make the mess, I did as I was told anyway. I went to go pick up the box when he reached out and pushed me. The push wasn’t hard, but it made me fall anyway and my arm hit the edge of the table so bad my eyes welled up with tears. This time I couldn’t hold them back.

Stop your crying. I barely shoved you, brat. Do you wanna get the belt? Or better yet, a switch to your ass?

My daddy was super tall, wide and huge. His hair was black like mine, and our eyes were the same. I remember mama telling me he used to not be like this. He was the star quarterback of our little town when they were kids. She’d tell me how much she used to love him and how he’d been perfect until he got hurt. I’ve only ever remembered him being this way.

Why did he have to be so cruel? What did I ever do? I took a deep breath and shook my head. I didn’t want to get spanked. I knew if I started crying, it would be worse, and he’d go out back where the trees were thin and frail and grab a switch. Those hurt worse than his leather belt. Sometimes he made me walk back there and get my own. If I brought back a small one, he laughed and went to get one himself. It would be long, full of little broken, little branches. I wouldn’t be able to sit for days.

I never knew what I did to make him so angry. I always did what he asked, and I waited by the hallway entrance, waiting for him to either ask something else of me or for him to tell me I could go to my room. Hopefully he’ll tell me to go to my room.

What I really wanted to do was to go outside and watch the new people move in, but I knew if I asked, I’d get in trouble. Usually once he told me to come inside, I stayed inside.

Bring me another bottle, worthless.

No please. No thank you. While mama was gone, he turned mean. When mama was here, his meanness turned on her. I was ignored, which I was grateful yet scared he’d hurt mama. I didn’t want to be left alone if he did something really bad to her.

I obeyed, walking back to the kitchen and opened the fridge, where a whole bunch of his bottles were. My Capri Suns were right next to them. I was getting thirsty, too. I better ask before I take one. If I tried to sneak one, he’d whip me something fierce. Maybe he’ll let me have one. My mouth was kind of dry from staying outside too long.

I brought him his drink and he cracked it open at the edge of the worn, wooden coffee table. My heart pounded inside my chest as I gathered up the courage to ask him.

What the hell do you want, brat? He rarely said my name. I was always brat, useless, worthless, or stupid. I know stupid is a mean word, but the others, I wasn’t too sure of. I think they all mean the same thing though. He didn’t like me. He never told me he loved me.

May I have a Capri Sun? I’m thirsty.

You’re thirsty? You drank one not an hour ago with dinner! Why we bother buying that shit is beyond me when you drink it like its water.

You drink that like its water. Oh, no. Wrong thing to say. Daddy’s face got cherry red; his eyes narrowed as he stood up. It almost looked like his eyes went black as he towered over me. He was really tall, and I started backing away, hoping he didn’t hit me. I’m sorry.

You thirsty? You really thirsty?

His voice was straining as if he was almost ready to explode, but I nodded. The fading sun outside had made me thirsty.

His hand shot out, gripping my chin hard. He squeezed my cheeks, forcing my mouth to open and he tipped his bottle over my mouth. Pouring the ice-cold liquid into my mouth. I spit it up, choking on the nasty taste.

He took the bottle away, laughing. Not so thirsty anymore, now, are you?

I couldn’t answer from coughing so badly. I backed up, tears once again in my eyes and I turned to go to my bedroom. I closed the door and flicked on the lights. It was just turning dark, and I looked at the timer near my bed. It read after eight. Telling time was still hard for me, but I wiped my face as good as I could and changed into my yellow Belle nightgown.

My mama said something about me going to pre-k a long time ago, but my father said he didn’t go to pre-k, so I didn’t need to.

I wonder what it was like to be near other kids. Were they like me? I didn’t have any friends except my stuffed cat named Cici I’ve had since before I could remember. I slept with her every night. I turned on my night light and walked back to the light switch to turn it off. Daddy started yelling if I kept it on for too long. The night light was dim enough that he didn’t notice.

I grabbed Cici and walked over to the window. I leaned my head against it and looked out at the stars that began twinkling in the evening sky. One thing I liked looking at was the stars at night and how they shined so pretty.

That’s when the tears I didn’t let go came. I didn’t dare make a sound, but I wished I could. I hated it here. I barely saw mama since she had two jobs. She worked until real late at night and then she worked in the mornings and when she came home, sometimes she’d make me breakfast before falling asleep. I loved my mama a lot. She was always good to me, but I hated that I couldn’t see her more.

I turned my head over towards the blue trailer. The lights were on, the front door was open, and I watched as they both walked out of the screen door to grab more stuff. I wondered how that boy’s mama was. Was she nice? Did she have a job that left her boy at home and alone? Where was his dad?

His mama carried a box while the boy carried two. He looked over towards our trailer and looked over the windows. When his eyes stopped on my window, I prayed he didn’t see me through it. I tried hiding behind the small curtain, but he must’ve seen me at the last minute. He set the boxes down and motioned for me to come over with his head and hand.

In a way, I wished with all my heart I could go over there and see if they lived differently than we did. I bet his mama never yelled at him like daddy did to me.

I couldn’t leave anyway. I didn’t want to try. If daddy saw me, I’d be in so much trouble. I shook my head no and left the moonlight to go lay in my bed. I hugged Cici tight in my arms and before I fell asleep, I prayed to God asking Him to save me.

2:Gavin

Age 10

Gavin, I know this isn’t what you’re used to, but we can’t afford anything else. Your dad’s life insurance wasn’t a lot, and he didn’t get much from the Army.

I hated leaving my friends, but since I had no choice, I needed to buck up and be there for my mom. We ended up moving to some trailer park in Dayton, Texas. My mom said that’s where she grew up before she met my dad. Ever since I could remember, all I’ve ever known is traveling. With Dad in the Army, we traveled all over the country and even overseas. We stayed a few years each time. Then he died three months ago.

Drunk driver. A decade in war zones, and it wasn’t until he was stateside that someone took him from us. Mom was devastated, but she had always been strong. 

When we pulled up to the little three-room blue trailer, I hated it on sight. We’ve always lived on a military base. While our houses were small, they were sure as heck a lot better looking than this place. We got out and started walking over the dirt drive when I felt eyes on me.

I turned my head to see a little girl looking over at me. Her hair was black as the night, straight and trailing down her back. She looked sad, but then she smiled at me and waved hello.

I didn’t bother doing anything and kept going. I know I was being super rude, but I hated our situation. Not like we were ever rich or anything, but Dad worked hard, and I made a vow when he died that I’d get into the Army myself when I was eighteen to keep his legacy alive.

I was going back outside when I heard a man’s deep voice hollering from close by.

EVONY! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!

I never heard a man yell in anger before. Dad always spoke like a gentleman to my mom and raised me never to raise my voice to a lady. I’ve heard him yell before since he was a drill Sergeant, but those boys were older, and it’s the military. It’s how they lived. I watched as the man next door, who I guessed was her dad, spoke again as she gathered up her stuff.

HURRY THE FUCK UP, BRAT. I AIN’T GOT ALL DAMN DAY.

My hands fisted by my sides and I narrowed my eyes, instantly hating this creep. I was ready to go over there and tell him to leave her the heck alone. No one deserved to be treated like that. She was only a little girl after all. She was tiny. I only made it five feet when the girl shook her head subtly, trying not to get her dad's attention. Her eyes— there was just something in her eyes.

A plea.

This look of desperation, but her eyes were clear as day to me. Ice-blue eyes that sent this shock right to my heart and made it ache. 

A plea of desperation for me not to interfere. I didn’t know if I could watch him speak to her in such a way and do nothing.  I knew my father wouldn’t allow it, but I’m just a kid. I didn’t know this girl, but I felt sad for her. Staring back at the man, I didn’t want to make it worse for her, but he hadn’t noticed me glaring daggers at him either.

When he shot his hand out and yanked her inside, I was ready to go over there and yank her back out, so she didn’t have to be in his presence. Mean s.o.b. No girl deserves that kind of treatment. . 

Gavin. My mother’s voice came from the trailer door and when I turned, she had this hard look in her gaze that meant business. We do not interfere. We don’t know them. Don’t borrow trouble.

I grabbed a box and went closer to her, just in case the walls in these trailers were paper thin and they heard me. But mom! Did you see how he treated her? Talked to her? Dad taught me never to treat a girl like that.

You never will, son. We don’t know their situation. Please, drop it. She turned back inside, but that didn’t matter to me. What the heck? 

It took everything inside of me not to march over there and give him  what for. Dad always taught me to protect one's weaker and younger than myself. Something about the father next door didn’t sit right with me. I took several deep breaths and went to my new room, set down the box, then went back outside. I heard nothing else come from the trailer next door. 

Usually mean people don’t change. I hope he’s not hurting her. I turned to get more of our belongings from the U-Haul as I watched the white trailer for any signs of life, but I didn’t see any movement around the windows.

Something about that girl made me pause. Her name though. Evony. Such a peculiar name. It fit her though. It sounded just like ebony which was perfect because her hair was black as the night. 

We were finishing up when it started getting dark outside. With a box full of my karate trophies, I looked at the white trailer, hoping I’d see a glimpse of her through one of the windows. My bedroom sat looking over at her trailer. If all these trailers were the same, her room would face the next trailer. I felt sad about that, but then one of the windows had a small light flicker, and I saw her. 

Her head was leaning against the window. I knew I couldn't truly see her, but I could swear she was crying. My heart felt heavy. My dad always said when your heart feels heavy, there’s always a deeper meaning to it, and to try to appease it. When you see an injustice, don’t stand idly by. Stand up for yourself and those smaller than you. 

I must have been staring a little too hard because when her eyes looked down, our gazes met. Yup. Right in the heart as if hers was screaming. I set the boxes down and reached out my hand, telling her to come over. Was she crying? I hope not. She shook her head and turned away, leaving the window in darkness. A part of me felt like I was waiting for her to come back to the window, but after a few minutes, Mom called me. I picked up the boxes and went inside.

It was the middle of the school year, and I knew I’d have to get up early, but when I went to my room, I twisted the blinds open, looking out to the trailer next to us. Only her window didn’t have any kind of protection. No blinds or curtains. That wasn’t safe at all. What was wrong with her parents? I could see what was wrong with her dad. Complete creep. I didn’t see her mom. Maybe she didn’t have one. Which was sad because living with that guy daily must suck big time. My bed lay against the wall. I hoped she’d return to the window, but she didn’t. I wonder how old she was. Did she go to school too?

At that moment, I felt something come over me I never felt before. I didn’t know that scared little girl, but as I closed my eyes, I vowed, I’ll watch over her for as long as I live.

I felt that promise bury itself bone deep. Saying that calmed the ache in my chest, so I knew I did the right thing. My dad always taught me to never make promises I couldn’t keep. This would be easy because not only was she my neighbor, I could make sure nothing ever happened to her. She’d be like my little sister. 

Yeah, that felt right. 

⤧

A week later, I hadn’t heard any yelling or loud voices from next door. Maybe her dad was just upset about something. I still didn’t like him. I did see her mom. She looked tired. She was almost as old as my mom, although I think she was much younger.

I know I was mean that first day, but I hardly ever saw her after that. The fact she wasn’t in school meant she wasn’t even old enough to go. She didn’t look like a toddler, but who knows. 

I tried waving to her through the window when I saw her staring out of it, but she always disappeared. She watched me a lot. I started working on my karate moves I learned in my class back in Miami. It didn’t feel creepy and I didn’t feel self-conscious about it. I even saw her smile when I did some roundhouse kicks and some fancier moves. I did those to kind of show-off since I had the audience.

I hadn’t had a chance to catch her outside again until the weekend. Valentine’s Day. My mom was sad and moped around the house doing chores. Trying to keep herself busy. She missed Dad so much. I know it’s hard for her right now, so I do my best to keep busy and not to bother her. 

I was in my room playing my Sonic video game when I heard laughing and giggling from outside my propped open window. I set my controller down and leaned closer so I could hear what’s going on.

Happy birthday, Evony. You’re my sweet girl.

It was her birthday? I cracked my window open just a little bit more so I could hear a bit better.

Thank you, Mama.

Here’s your present. It’s not much, but I know how much you love Beauty and the Beast, so I got you a new coloring book.

Wow! Mama, this is beautiful! Thank you, thank you. Thank you! I love it!

I’m so glad you do, honey. Could you color out here for a while? Me and Daddy are gonna talk for a while.

Yes, Mama. I like being outside. Thank you so much for my present!

You’re welcome, baby.

Then her mom left her and went inside. That’s when I noticed she wasn’t even wearing a jacket. Or at least a sweater. It was February— wait a minute. That’s right. It’s February 14. Valentine’s Day. Her birthday is on Valentine’s Day? Never knew anyone to have a birthday on a holiday.

It was still a little chilly outside though. She could catch cold. Did her mom not see that? I shut off my game and went to my closet. I knew everything I had would be huge on her, but she needed something to keep her warm. I grabbed the windbreaker that was too small for me and went outside. Hell no, was I going to let her freeze. She hadn’t noticed me yet, and I could hear her humming a song.

Hi there.

Her head whipped up. Her silky black hair fell in front of her face, her eyes a blue like I’d never seen before. Her skin was pale, and not just from the wind's chill. Her skin was naturally milky. She turned her head fast, looking over to her trailer with this scared look on her face.

What’s wrong, Evony?

A small gasp flew from her lips and she turned back to me, her eyes wide with curiosity, the trailer forgotten. You know my name?

I heard your dad yelling for you, and then just now, your mom called your name. It’s real pretty. My name is Gavin. Here, I brought this for you.

I held out my old windbreaker. She just looked at it, back at me, and then back to the jacket like she wanted to wear it, but something was stopping her.

She shook her head no, ignoring my outstretched hand, and went back to coloring. She would get really sick if she didn’t put it on.

Evony. Please. You don’t want to get sick, do you?

She looked like she didn’t know what to choose, so I knelt beside her and laid it on her shoulders.

Please, Evony, I don’t want to see you sick.

Why are you being so nice to me?

Isn’t that what neighbors do? Be nice to each other? Please, for me?

You didn’t wave when you first got here. Her eyes crunched as if she didn’t like that. It was adorable. 

You’re right. I was kind of a butt-head. Let me make it up to you. Here, please.

A shy smile formed on her face and she shuffled her arms into the sleeves. It wasn’t so cold that she needed a heavier jacket, but she had chill bumps on her skin. The sleeves were a little long, so  I  reached over to cuff them up when I got a smell of her shampoo. It smelled pretty, like apples.

Thank you, Gavin. Wanna see the new coloring book I got for my birthday?

Oh, that’s right. I heard your mom say it was. Happy birthday, Evony.

Oh! This is my present? It’s so wonderful!

I looked at her strangely and asked, What’s your present?

This jacket?

Oh no! That’s just a jacket. Your present… uh—, crap. I didn’t even think about that. A jacket wasn’t a present for a little girl. I could get her something if I left and got my mom to take me somewhere. Your present will be here in the morning. I’ll give it to you then. So it’s super special. I whispered that last bit and her blue eyes lit up like the diamonds I saw on TV commercials.

Wow, so many gifts. It’s like Christmas.

Did she never get anything? Looking at her clothes, she looked like she could use some new clothes too. They looked a little worse for wear. She was wearing leggings and a Beauty and the Beast shirt. At least with the sweater, she’d be warm enough.

"How was your Christmas?"

She just lifted her shoulders and kept her head down. It was okay. Yours?

Mine was okay, too. Without my dad it was the worst, but she didn’t need to know that right now. Show me your coloring book.

A bright smile came over her face and it was like this change came over her. She became animated, talking about each character in the movie.

I sat down next to her on the tattered blanket as I listened to her talk about this movie like it was the best movie ever. I kept her talking as I heard raised voices coming from her room. Her parents were screaming their heads off.

Gavin! Honey, where are you?

I lifted my head as I heard my mom’s voice filtering through my bedroom. I have to go now, Evony. I’ll be back later, okay? Can you do me a favor?

She looked a little sad knowing I had to go, and in a way, I felt the same. I didn’t want to leave her here all by herself. I hated leaving her like this.

Okay. What do you need?

Can you open your window a little before you go to sleep tonight?

She tilted her head to the side, an odd look coming over her sweet face. Okay, why?

I promise when you wake up in the morning, you’ll see why and you’ll be very happy.

You promise? Like a pinky-swear promise?

I’ve heard girls say that before and I thought it was weird, but now, I knew better.

I held out my pinkie finger and when she hooked hers into mine I felt something in my chest burning. When her ice-blue eyes looked into mine, I said, I pinky-swear, Evony. When I let go, I crossed my heart with my pinkie, swearing, Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.

No! I don’t want you to die!

A laugh slipped from my lips. She sounded downright upset at the thought. Adorable. I won’t, Evony. Because I’m keeping my promise to you. Always.

I got up and started heading back to my trailer when I turned around and saw Evony staring back at me, a lost look in her eyes.

It felt wrong leaving her there, but I couldn’t get her present and stay here.

Forget it. I couldn’t leave her just like this.

I strode back to her, and she pushed up with her hands until she stood and I wrapped my arms around her tiny frame.

Happy Birthday, Evony.

I pulled back and she squeezed her little arms around me tightly, almost refusing to let go. When she did, there were tears in her eyes as she whispered, Thank you.

Keep that on until you’re inside your house, understand me? We don’t want you to get sick, right?

I don’t want to get in trouble. Back came the scared little voice and my chest tightened