The Maddie Diaries: A Memoir

Introduction

People think they know everything about me from Dance Moms or my Sia videos and I guess I understand how they might feel that way. I mean, I was completely hooked on Gossip Girl, and I felt like I knew all the characters on that show personally—we were family. I cried when I watched the last episode on Netflix because I truly felt like I was a part of their lives and I didn’t want it to be over! Then I was shocked—I mean shocked—when I saw Ed Westwick (aka Chuck Bass) presenting at the People’s Choice Awards and he started speaking with a British accent. I looked over at my mom: What is going on? Why is he talking like Harry Potter? I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he was someone other than his character, a real person who just happened to be from England. Who knew? Then, as I listened to him, I realized I loved him even more when he was being truly himself. I’ve always thought British accents were cute . . .

So I get how people can make assumptions based on what they see or hear or read—it’s easy to do that. Which is why I thought it was a really good idea to write a book. I may be only fourteen, but there are so many things I love and care about, and so many other sides of who I am. I want people to know the real me—the silly stuff, the serious stuff, and everything in between. I’m pretty sure you’ll be surprised at some of what you learn. For example . . .

 I’m an artist: I love to draw faces—especially eyes—and paint. I just did a watercolor self-portrait. To be honest, it didn’t really look like me, but I had fun trying. I did a painting for my room—it’s black and white and kind of abstract, with a flower dripping down the middle. I also did one for Kenzie’s room of lips and a nose, and I painted Olaf for my baby cousin. In fact, I drew all these doodles throughout the book!

 I cannot leave my house without spraying on my favorite perfume. I love the sweet vanilla scent, and I spray on a lot. I spray it inside my arms, then on the back of my neck, and finally, I spray it in the air and walk through this cloud of perfume. My mom is always saying, Maddie, you don’t need that much! but I insist. Maybe it’s because the dance studios are always so stinky that I feel the need to smell good!

 I don’t wear my hair in a perfect bun all the time. In reality, a messy topknot is my go-to style when I’m not onstage. It’s the easiest thing to do. I just scoop it and clip it up, without even looking in the mirror!

 When I was three or four years old, I broke my arm just when I was supposed to start horseback riding, so I couldn’t. Looking back, I’m really glad that happened—even though at the time I remember being upset. I might have been a horseback rider instead of a dancer! Things definitely happen for a reason, and I believe in fate.

 I have a wish list in my head of things I want to do, see, and be. And I believe in making wishes. Whenever my friends and I see the time 11:11 on a clock, we touch something blue and make a wish. I don’t really know why, but it seemed like a good idea and it kinda stuck . . . it’s like a superstition now.

 Dancing didn’t come naturally to me—I wasn’t very good at it in the beginning, and I had to work really hard. It taught me an important lesson: Even if you’re not good at something at first, don’t give up. Someday you will look back and never believe how far you’ve come.

 I believe in taking time-outs every now and then. People think I am in the dance studio 24/7, every second of the day. I do dance every day, but I also have a home and friends that I hang with (more on that later). My family recently went to Aruba on vacation and I loved every minute of it (except for the sunburn—I looked like a lobster!). Sia taught me this: If you don’t want to be doing what you’re doing, if you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed and the passion isn’t there, then it’s okay to walk away for a little while. You’re allowed to take a second to breathe; you don’t have to keep going and going.

 I’m okay with being a loser. In the beginning of my competitive dancing, I always wanted to win and I’d get mad or upset if I didn’t. But now I know that losing is good. It makes you work harder the next time and learn and grow from your mistakes. It makes you a better performer and a better person.

 Our dog Maliboo is a diva. Every night she has to go out at 4 a.m. to pee and my stepdad has to get up, go downstairs, and open the door for her. Technically, she’s Mackenzie’s dog, but there’s no way my little sister is losing any beauty sleep . . .

 I have a bedtime routine: I put a barrier of pillows around me so I feel comfy and protected, and I can only fall asleep if I watch TV before I go to bed. Right now, I’m binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy.

 I have an amazing memory. Seriously, I don’t forget anything—I remember things from when I was a toddler. I never kept a journal when I was little, because I didn’t feel the need to write stuff down. But I can tell you every detail of what happened when I was younger and how I felt at that time—it’s like hitting rewind, and it really comes in handy when you’re writing a book!

And those are just a few things off the top of my head. My mom has also kept every picture of me over the years (even the embarrassing ones) in boxes, and a ton of those are in here, too. But I have a whole other reason for writing this book—one that doesn’t involve me at all. It’s about you. I want to encourage you to believe in yourself and follow your passion. Everyone has a talent and a gift; everyone can make an impact. I know I’m just a teenager, but if you haven’t noticed, teens are changing the world. More than ever, we have a voice through social media and a way to connect, educate, and make a difference. We are the future, and girls especially are awesome. There is nothing that we can’t do if we put our minds to it. See the possibilities and don’t let stuff or people hold you back.

I always thought I would be just a competitive dancer. But now, I realize that was only the beginning. I’m just figuring out what makes me happy and excited and pushing myself to try new things and stretch my wings. I guess my philosophy is Why not? Why not do something that you’ve never done before? Why not dream big? Why not stand up for things you believe in? Sometimes you have to take a big, scary leap, and that’s okay. Even if you fall on your butt, you’ve still soared.

My mom likes the letter M. Seriously—that’s why she named me Madison and my sister Mackenzie, because she likes the letter. I’m glad she didn’t like the letter X, because I can’t think of a single girl’s name that starts with it! My middle name, Nicole, was after her niece. She also liked being pregnant (I can’t really understand that one!) and she had a really big belly when she was carrying me around. I was huge when I was born—9 pounds, 10 ounces; 21.5 inches—and kind of stubborn. I refused to come out for forty-two weeks, and no matter what the doctors and the hospital tried, I wouldn’t exit on my own. So my mom had a C-section, and then I made my grand entrance.

My mom will tell you that I was the easiest baby. Happy, quiet, and a really good sleeper who was very considerate and didn’t wake my parents up in the middle of the night (you’re welcome!). When I was six months old, my mom could literally go get a mani and a pedi or get her hair colored with me right there beside her. I didn’t make a peep; I never cried or fussed. Most of the time I just napped. And when I got old enough to eat, I would eat anything and everything. I was never picky and always adventurous—which I still am. If you put alligator in front of me and dare me to take a bite, I will. My first word was Mama, and when I stood up at ten months old, my mom actually tried to knock me down. She knew that once I walked I would start running and there would be no stopping me!

A lot of parents have trouble potty-training their kids. Again, mine really lucked out. My sister Mackenzie was just born, so I was a little more than a year and a half old. One day, I proudly brought my little plastic portable potty outside in the yard to where my mom was pushing Kenzie in her swing. I announced, No more diapies, and marched right back in the house. That was that. Once I made my mind up, there was no telling me anything else. And especially with a little baby sister, I wanted to be the big girl in the house. Mackenzie didn’t know it, but she kind of had two mommies—me and my mom. I taught her everything I knew, including her ABCs and some math, like 1 + 1 and 2 + 2, when she was way too little to read or count. She could count to twenty when she was only sixteen months old thanks to me! When she came along, I was excited: Now I had someone to play with all the time. My mom would always put us in matching outfits and so many people would ask if we were twins. When I was four, I finally stood up for myself: Mom, no more matching! Pullease! So instead, she would coordinate us; the looks weren’t exactly the same, but they went well together.

As a toddler, I was always on the move. I started dancing when I was two years old at Laurel Ballet in Greensburg, Pennsylvania. I remember loving The Wiggles and Hi-5 on TV. I would jump up and down and sing, Five, four, three, two, one, come with us and have some fun! whenever they were on TV. Hi-5 were like a pop band for little kids, and I knew every song and the choreography by heart. My mom says I begged to see them in concert, but so did every other kid on the planet and they sold out in seconds. So she went on eBay and got me tickets (now that’s a great mom!). I was also really into Bear in the Big Blue House on Playhouse Disney. We saw him one summer at Disney World, and my mom and I burst into tears because I loved him so, so much. When I got a little older, I watched the Disney Channel all the time: Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place, The Suite Life of Zack & Cody, High School Musical. That’s when I started to be obsessed with Zac Efron—and I still am. Sia knows this and once called me right before I was supposed to come over to her house.

Do you want to meet Zac Efron? she asked.

My heart started pounding. Um, yeah. Why?

Would you be cool or would you be starstruck? she pressed on.

I had to be honest. I would try to keep my cool, but I’d probably have a panic attack or faint. Why?

I want to make that happen, she said. So of course, I went to her house thinking I was going to walk in and see Troy Bolton sitting there on her living room couch. No such luck, but I don’t think she was just teasing. I’m convinced she is going to make it happen one day, when I least expect it. Sia likes surprises.

But it’s no secret: I think everyone who knows me knows Zac is my ultimate guy. I was once on this road trip with Mackenzie, Kendall Vertes, and our moms, and we kids were sitting in the backseat totally bored. I decided to check out what new movies were on Netflix, and there it was: Charlie St. Cloud, Zac’s first big dramatic film. We started watching it and were only halfway through when we reached our hotel.

Girls, it’s late, my mom said. No more movies.

I begged. I pleaded. How could I just end it right smack in the middle? Finally, my mom was so tired, she just gave in. Fine, but go right to sleep after it’s over.

So I sat there in the dark in bed with my headphones on while everyone else was sleeping. I continued watching the movie and sobbing my eyes out because it’s the saddest thing I have ever seen. Ever.

It was close to midnight when my mom woke up. She looked worried. Maddie, are you okay? she asked. I was literally bawling.

It’s just so, so sad, I cried. His little brother is dead and they’re playing ball!

My mom was totally confused. And of course, I was so upset over the movie,