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    A Demon and His Witch: Welcome To Hell, #1
    A Demon and His Witch: Welcome To Hell, #1
    A Demon and His Witch: Welcome To Hell, #1
    Ebook235 pages2 hours

    A Demon and His Witch: Welcome To Hell, #1

    By Eve Langlais

    4/5

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    About this ebook

    Burning alive is nothing compared to the heat of his touch.

    Roasted at the stake as a witch while her lover watches, Ysabel sells her soul to the devil in return for revenge. A fair trade until her ex-boyfriend escapes the bowels of Hell and she’s forced to team up with a demon to fetch the jerk back.

    Remy’s seen a lot of things during his tenure in Lucifer’s guard, but nothing can prepare him for the witch with the acerbic tongue – and voluptuous figure. Her mouth says ‘Screw you,’ but her body screams ‘Take me.’ What’s a poor demon to do when his heart makes things even more complicated by goading him to make her his, forever?

    Before he can decide if his demonizing days are done, though, he needs to catch the bad guys, save the girl, and then find a way to convince her to love him and not kill him.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherEve Langlais
    Release dateJun 1, 2012
    ISBN9781927459034
    A Demon and His Witch: Welcome To Hell, #1
    Author

    Eve Langlais

    New York Times and USA Today bestseller, Eve Langlais, is a Canadian romance author who is known for stories that combine quirky storylines, humor and passion.

    Read more from Eve Langlais

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    Reviews for A Demon and His Witch

    4/5

    54 ratings5 reviews

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    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 3/5
      3.5 stars. Okay, I have to admit this grew on me. At first Remy's constant sexual comments grated and the sexual innuendos and banter were so ridiculously bad it kept me reading for the sheer laugh at not with factor. By the time the actual romance started, where Remy began to admit he had feelings for Ysabel, I was hooked.

      The story was funny when it wasn't trying too hard and Langlais's Lucifer was hilarious if a bit weaker than expected. But his evilness was proven in this technically funny but horrible line:
      "Lucifer bit into his foot-long dog--a daschund (sic) collie mix with a touch of mustard and hot sauce. Mmm, nothing like it.

      The world was a little bizarre in that only perfect people went to Heaven and given that the concept of Heaven and Hell is a Christian concept where Jesus died for the sins that everyone has, the only one(s) inhabiting it would be God and possibly Jesus.

      I did have a problem with the vengeance thing, especially when the hate had lasted 500 years. Damning someone to eternal torture in prison in Hell is pretty nasty. That 500 years later her hatred hasn't abated (especially for one guy whose only crime was boasting which only added fuel to the fire, pun intended). Interestingly, she was much nastier in this regard then he was: He admits to himself that even a few hours working in the prison would make him go insane while she walked through it with no problem.

      I also hated the veiled sexism like when he referred to her repeatedly as a shrew and when he was so arrogant that insisted she must like him. I hated that she let him defend her by fighting a bunch of drunken idiots when she admitted to herself that she didn't need his help, she was plenty powerful enough to handle it on her own. But as this proves, she was very magically strong. I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that she not only refused him, but repeatedly responded to his advances by punching him in the stomach. She also proved that her magic was more powerful than his. She even went off to save him at one point.

      A sample of the ribald humor that I thought was ridiculous:
      "The slender pole of her broom whipped through the seam of his thighs, emerging from him like a three foot long, wooden dick. Grabbing a hold of it, he thrust his hips forward and with a grin said, "Screw Pinocchio's nose. Now this is what I call wood."

      A sample of the humor I found funny:
      "You really should try to find a real spell book instead of relying on Google." There were frequent references to the modern world amidst the medieval insanity of Hell. She also frequently replied to his ongoing sexual banter with, "I hate you," at the perfect time.

      The sex was vanilla and mediocre. The word "pussy" was used frequently which I hate. While it was frequently said that he didn't force her, he actually kind of did in a pushing until she relented kind of way. That bothered me.

      Her resistance to trusting his feelings went on too long but then it would have been weird for it to be fine midway through, the admission of mutual love has to be the end of this kind of story. I think his declaration of love should have been further along in the story for her fear to not be ridiculous. But I loved the scenes where his feelings for her were obvious like when he held her in fear and horror while she burned alive (not much of a spoiler, it was massively predictable).

      At the end, I thought the wrap up with the reasons why Lucifer did what he did was lame. But there is a sequel and I think I may actually buy it and read it. (And you have to admit, that cover is hot and completely fits the character.)
    • 3/5
      A fast, fun, erotic, screwball romantic comedy.
      Set in Hell.
    • 4/5
      This is the first book I have read in this series which is a good thing as it just so happens to be the first book in this series. OMG. I really loved the slap stick humor mixed with sarcastic banter that Ysabel and Remy had with one another. Both of them could take it as good as they gave it. The one scene where Lucifer has to scold them like children was funny. They were acting kind of childish. However, their witty banter is what kept things entertaining. Plus, the sexual tension that was building between them as well. Ysabel is a fire ball. Which made me like her instantly. Remy thought he was "all that and a bag of chips". Ok, so he was when it came to these two having sex. Yet, it was fun to see him brought down a peg or two by Ysabel. I have read several hell themed books but I do have to say that this book has become one of my favorite top ten books. If you are in the mood for some laughs, you need no look any further than this book. The only thing hotter than hell is the sex.
    • 3/5
      3 out of 5 stars. It has the humor, romance, and fun that you love reading from a Ms. Langlais novel. Plus, I really liked it's setup for the series and characters. Remy and Ysabel were a very cute pair.

      Yet, for some reason this novel just couldn't capture my interest for long and at times I skimmed through a page or two.

      Therefore, if you read it I hope you'll enjoy it more then I did. But I still recommend it to those who like quirky paranormal erotic romances!

      1 person found this helpful

    • 3/5
      Paranormal Romance. Ysabels ex has her burned as a witch, then he escapes hell and she and demon Remy have to find him. OK 

    Book preview

    A Demon and His Witch - Eve Langlais

    Introduction

    Burning alive is nothing compared to the heat of his touch.

    Roasted at the stake as a witch while her lover watches, Ysabel sells her soul to the devil in return for revenge. A fair trade until her ex-boyfriend escapes the bowels of Hell and she’s forced to team up with a demon to fetch the

    jerk

    back

    .

    Remy’s seen a lot of things during his tenure in Lucifer’s guard, but nothing can prepare him for the witch with the acerbic tongue – and voluptuous figure. Her mouth says ‘Screw you,’ but her body screams ‘Take me.’ What’s a poor demon to do when his heart makes things even more complicated by goading him to make her his, forever?

    Before he can decide if his demonizing days are done, though, he needs to catch the bad guys, save the girl, and then find a way to convince her to love him and not

    kill

    him

    .

    Welcome to Hell where you’re screwed if you do and damned if don’t. And just so you know, Lucifer has a special spot reserved

    for

    you

    …

    Welcome to Hell

    Prologue

    A long, long

    time

    ago

    …

    I’m going to die. And painfully, too, which really wasn’t how she’d pictured spending her day. Gardening, yes. Maybe whipping up a few healing potions. Fooling around with her lover. Getting roasted to a crisp while the townsfolk looked on cheering? Not something she would have fit in to her schedule.

    Ysabel pulled at the rope binding her to the stake, her mind still cloudy with disbelief. When she woke this morning and went about her chores, feeding the hens and collecting their eggs, tending her herb garden and other mundane tasks, she never expected a mob to descend upon her screaming, Brujería! Witch!

    The fact they were correct didn’t surprise her. She’d never tried too hard to hide her healing powers. Besides, the whole village benefitted from her concoctions which she used in exchange for items she needed. Smoked ham for a gout cure. A wheel of cheese for a tincture to soften chapped skin. Love potions by the handful for hopeful maidens and their mamas – a lucrative trade for a woman like herself without a husband or father to care for her. As for her title of witch, while she heard it bandied about, she didn’t take offense. She was proud of her heritage handed down, generation after generation, by the women of her family. What shocked her when the screams to string her up and roast her came to her ears, was who headed the mob – her lover’s mother, Luysa.

    Dressed in a heavy black gown, her mantilla of black lace pulled back to show eyes burning with hatred and lips curled in a vicious snarl, she screamed Burn the witch! loudest.

    Shriveled old hag. It seemed someone didn’t want to cut the apron strings to her only son. Yet, Francisco, at twenty and five, was well past the age to settle down and begin his own line. A family he’d promised to build with her. While they met in secret due to his strict mother, and the village gossips, he’d promised to soon publicly announce his intent to wed her. She couldn’t wait, although, now confronted with his angry mother, she wondered if they should have spoken sooner.

    Ysabel didn’t put up much of a fight. Why bother when she couldn’t win against the number of folk sent to fetch her? Limp in their grasp, she closed her eyes and mind to their vicious taunts as they dragged her off to the edge of town where the narrow minded village people showed themselves busy, erecting a wooden stake and piling bramble and branches around it. Even as they lashed her to the pole, she didn’t panic. Francisco, her lover with his dark eyes and thick lashes, would save her. Evidently, he’d told his mother of their love, and she’d temporarily lost her temper – and mind. Yet, Ysabel knew the man she loved would come to her rescue. Their commitment to each other would prevail over the mob’s need to execute a witch as the church and religious heads in Rome

    instructed

    them

    .

    As the villagers continued to pile flammable items about her and the sun began its descent, signaling the arrival of nightfall, she held on to that belief, clung firmly to her love as the first torch approached, its flickering flame dancing in the light breeze. Despite the situation, the scene was almost picturesque, reminding her of the many bonfires she’d participated in, with these same folk, as they celebrated the harvest and the solstices. Of course, nobody was lashed to the stake on those occasions.

    Lucky

    me

    .

    Scanning the eager faces, the first tickle of trepidation went up her spine as she didn’t spy the face of her lover. Surely he’s heard of my dilemma by now? Perhaps he planned a grand rescue at the last moment like the heroes the bards sang of. How romantic.

    As the last ray of sunlight disappeared and twilight fell, a hush fell over the waiting crowd as Luysa, a smirk of triumph on her face, stepped forward and held up her hands for silence. Firmly spoken words spilled from her lips with a hate and vileness Ysabel could scarcely give credence. And this is the woman who birthed my sweet Francisco?

    "This most unholy of witches must die. She freely practices her dark craft

    amongst

    us

    ."

    Heads nodded all around.

    Unbelievable. I practice my arts and use them to cure sickness and aide the healing of infected wounds, Ysabel thought, shaking her head in disbelief. See if she’d help them the next time they came knocking at her door in the middle of the night, the betrayers.

    She uses her magic on our young men, forcing them to do her wicked, unchaste bidding.

    Ysabel’s brows arched. Funny, but it was your son who plied me with alcohol the first time he went up my skirts and had his naughty way with me. Of course, I enjoyed it, but still, I never made him do anything.

    The church says thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. So, I say in the name of God and all that is holy, the witch must die! Spittle flew as Luysa worked herself into a fever pitch and aimed her last remark toward the back of the crowd. Ysabel followed her gaze and smiled. Francisco had arrived.

    I knew he’d come to save me. Take that you crusty,

    old

    hag

    .

    Tall, dark and handsome, he looked like something out of a fairy-tale, the type of story her grandmother used to tell her. A true hero, come to save his damsel from the wicked witch. Well in this case, he was saving the witch from the wicked, almost, mother-in-law. He pushed his way to the front of the crowd until he stood before his mother and the stake upon which Ysabel hung. His dark eyes darted to Ysabel’s for a moment and a frisson of fear finally tickled down her spine. She didn’t see anger in his expression at her situation. No fear at how closely she treaded death’s path. In his eyes, she read the truth. And it wasn’t pretty.

    I’m going to burn, and he’s not going to do a damn thing to

    save

    me

    .

    Disbelief made her forget the avidly watching crowd. Francisco. Tell your mother, I did nothing to bespell you. Tell her of our love for each other. She didn’t want to beg, but she couldn’t bring herself to believe the dispassionate man in front of her was the same lover who’d murmured such sweet promises.

    He didn’t reply and at his silence his mother turned to face Ysabel, a look of triumph on her face. You shall die for your sins, witch. The lit torch was thrust into the ruling harridan’s hand and she held it aloft for a moment. Brujería! she shouted. Burn you unholy thing. Then she lowered the flaming brand, and the dry tinder lit with a whoosh.

    Panic clawed at Ysabel as the hopelessness of her situation came home. Too late, she struggled in vain at the bindings holding her. But the rope didn’t budge. Damn Pedro and his rope tying skill. The crackling sound of the flames grew, aided by the ale Alvaro accidentally spilled on

    the

    pyre

    .

    Worse than the view of the spreading fire, was the billowing black smoke and encroaching heat. The first entered her lungs and she coughed as tears streamed from her

    itching

    eyes

    .

    Sweat beaded on her face as she worked frantically to free herself, her simple spells and charms of healing no match against her captivity and the element

    of

    fire

    .

    With frantic eyes, she scanned the crowd, waiting for someone to step forward and cry foul, to come to her aid, but they watched, some in morbid fascination, some with a sick glee, as the flames grew closer. She caught Francisco’s gaze and this time, he didn’t turn away. She pled with her eyes for rescue. Acknowledgement. Anything from the man who’d declared he’d do anything for her. Climb the highest mountain. Defy the wishes of his family. Do anything for

    her

    love

    .

    Lies. All of it lies, she understood now as he stood there, unflinching while the fire leapt higher, licking at the hems of her skirt, toasting her toes. He showed not a hint of remorse as he watched

    her

    burn

    .

    Fury enveloped her, hotter than the flames licking her body. Bastardo, she spat. You used me. Betrayed me like a coward. I can’t wait to see you in Hell. I’ll see all of you in Hell for this. She closed her eyes and began chanting, a dark prayer she’d never thought to use. A last resort her grandmother taught her, but told her to forget. A promise to the Dark Lord – one that wouldn’t save her mortal life, but would grant her revenge on those who’d betrayed her. The darkest, most powerful of curses crossed

    her

    lips

    .

    As the flames curled around the skin of her feet, burning them and drawing forth screams of agony, she gave her life and soul to the Underlord in return for vengeance. She promised the Devil, whom she worshipped in hiding, anything – her life, her soul, her devotion. He could have it all for a chance to bring Francisco, his mother, and all the sheep-like villagers who rejoiced, into Hell with her. Her cackling laughter at the end of her death spell sounded more like a coughing choke, but thankfully, Lucifer read her intent, and granted her wish. She should have read the fine print.

    1

    Centuries later…

    Stupid, bloody Devil and his hell-be-damned clauses, Ysabel grumbled under her breath as she stomped to her Lord’s office.

    Receiving his imperious summons – essentially his voice booming from the walls themselves and ordering her to move her sweet cheeks – she immediately began cursing. Lord of the Underworld or not, the man was truly a pain in her ass. Didn’t he know she had better things to do with her time than run when he summoned, like trimming her nails, or washing her hair? Besides, according to the terms of the contract she’d agreed to over five hundred years ago – signed in her still sizzling blood no less – her time as his personal assistant was almost up. Freedom beckoned just around the corner and she couldn’t wait, even if she didn’t have the slightest clue what she would do with all her upcoming spare time. Gardening in the Pit wasn’t feasible. Joining the general populace made her shudder. What did that leave?

    No matter. She’d find a hobby. One definite benefit? Not having to answer the devil’s every beck and call. Just a few more days, then

    I’m

    free

    .

    Of course, Lucifer didn’t care if their tenure together was coming to a close. The man got sadistic pleasure out of goading her, reminding her that she wholeheartedly agreed to be his personal slave in exchange for revenge. Thankfully, his idea of chores involved the menial kind; phone answering, filing paperwork, customer – AKA damned souls – relations. In other words, mostly clerical work, a small price to pay when it meant that those who had a direct hand in her burning would be punished eternally for their sin. Vengeance tasted beautifully sweet.

    Heels clacking on the slate floor – because Lucifer, stuck in the middle ages, clung like a leech to a dungeon/medieval castle theme – she made her way to the throne room where the Lord of Hell liked to rule his subjects, or, as Ysabel liked to call them, Heaven’s leftovers.

    When a person died, if they lived an absolutely pure life, free of sin, even the teensy tiniest

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