Soul Food 3: Another 101 Inspirational Messages

What people are saying about

liberty forrest's Soul Food series

Insightful, intuitive, instinctive, introspective - and always interesting!

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I'll bet you already know what liberty says here. Thing is, you won't realize it until you read this. 'Interesting' is quite an understatement.

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-- Debra Carney, Florida, USA

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Please note: As I have dual nationality, spellings are mainly British, but there may be inconsistencies, as I am also Canadian.

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This book is designed to provide information and motivation to its readers. It is sold with the understanding that neither the author nor the publisher is engaged to render any type of psychological, legal or any other kind of professional advice. Every effort has been taken to ensure that the information contained in this book is accurate and balanced. Conclusions reached have been based on the personal and professional experience of the author.

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Soul Food 2 - 101 More Inspirational Messages

by liberty forrest

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2013 liberty forrest

Discover other titles by liberty forrest:

www.smashwords.com/profile/view/libertyforrest

INTRODUCTION

What you are about to read originated as posts on my daily inspirational blog. For purposes of this book, I have altered or expanded upon some of the entries. As they have been rearranged, they are out of sequence and therefore, so are occasional references to holidays, seasons and so on.

Almost all of the entries were written whilst I was living in England, and before circumstances forced me to move back to Calgary, in Western Canada.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Entries 1-35

Entries 36-70

Entries 71-101

About the Author

Connect with the Author

Other books by the Author

Index

1. How to grow your very own big problems. Or not.

Once upon a time, there was a little problem. Like all the other little problems, this one hoped that someday, he would grow up to become a big problem. And if he could be a really lucky little problem, he would get to join the military and might even become a Major Disaster.

He had an enormous fear of failure so he paid close attention in class, keeping his vision for the future uppermost in his mind. The first thing he learned was that his mortal enemy was the light. He would be most vulnerable in plain sight, out in the open. He must do his best to remain hidden, where he would feed on the darkness and with any luck, he would grow up to be a big problem someday.

His teacher said that his best chance of survival depended upon finding quiet people who had lots of carpets, under which they would stash any problems they could find. With plenty of darkness under carpets, there was always a feast fit for a king and any little problem lucky enough to live in such a place would grow very quickly in size and strength.

One day, the little problem found that he was on the sweeping end of a broom and whoosh! - there he went, tumbling and rolling well under a beautiful Persian rug. How exciting! Finally, he would have a chance to become a big problem!

He was thrilled to meet all the other little problems who were hiding under that carpet and being quite the extrovert, he planted himself right smack in the middle of all of them. With plenty of darkness to keep him well fed, he grew rapidly and it wasn't long before he felt his first thump in the head when one of the people tripped on him.

Oh, goodie! he exclaimed. I'm growing up! This is progress! And he and all the other little problems laughed and giggled amongst themselves.

After a time, there wasn't much room under the carpet any more. The problems had melted into one another, just like cinnamon buns that had been too close together on a pan and had risen and blended, one into the next. They had grown so large that the people had to use ladders to climb over them.

One day, while everyone was having an afternoon nap, the growing little problem was awakened by people voices. They used words like depression, worry and fear.

Oh, no! he thought. We were so close to becoming a Major Disaster, and now we're doomed!

Alarmed, he woke the others as quickly as possible. The frightened problems lay quietly while they heard words like financial troubles and no work. They heard about illness and too much stress. The more words they heard, the more the carpet was pulled back from the edges of their hiding place, gradually exposing them to the light. The unfortunate ones on the perimeter went first, shrivelling and shrinking the very moment they were out in the open.

Horrified, the not-so-little problem watched as one by one, his friends died and then vanished right before his eyes. And there was nothing he could do but lay there and wait his turn.

2. Don’t just gripe about what’s wrong. Do something to fix it.

Throughout my life, both personally and professionally, I've heard countless people tell me of their troubles. As a friend, counsellor, homeopath, hypnotherapist, psychic and medium, I've done my best to lend a sympathetic ear, been as supportive as I can, offered some thoughts that might be helpful, or remained silent and just listened when it was appropriate.

I've helped with problem-solving, with re-building shattered self-esteem, with restoring a sense of self-worth. I've taught people how to respect themselves, to honour their feelings, to speak up and be assertive. I've taught them about having clear boundaries, understanding what is their responsibility and what isn't. I've showed them how to let other people be responsible for their own feelings, and how to stop taking the blame for other people's choices.

I'm always happy to help wherever possible, to lend a shoulder or an ear and to support people through the changes they make in their lives.

But what bugs me is when people keep coming to me and saying the same things over and over again. When they're in the same mess that they were in a year ago, or two years ago, or three or five or ten years ago, with no signs of progress. When they're still battling with the same abusive or unhealthy relationships, still stuck in careers they hate, still engaging in the same destructive behaviours, but complaining about how miserable they are.

It drives me nuts to see the wasted time, the wasted energy - theirs and mine, too, when year after year, they're still on the hamster wheel of unhappiness and refusing to get off. Yes, it's scary to leave a job you've had for ages. Yes, it's hard to leave a painful relationship. And it's awful to leave someone you still love, and you don't know how you're going to live without him (or her). But you do. I've done that, too.

I've left unhealthy relationships more times than I care to think about so it's not like I don't understand and I've done it at times with zero money, no job, a bunch of kids to support, seriously ill health, and a very frightening and uncertain future in front of me. But it was the right thing to do, whether it was scary or not, whether I had money or not. It was NEVER easy. But it had to be done.

I enrolled in full-time college at 30 years old, single mum of just three kids at that time, living on student loans and part-time work, with an insane personal life going on at the time (soap opera stuff). I kept looking for happiness, kept meeting challenges head on, refused to settle for misery. I've changed careers, changed religions, changed my name. I have reinvented myself numerous times - and am in the process of doing it again with this impending move across the ocean.

So I understand about change. I understand how scary it can be, but I also understand that if you're stuck in a miserable situation, or if, in some way, your life is not what you want it to be, you have the ability, the right, and in fact the obligation to do whatever you can to make it right - that is, you have the obligation, if you have any desire to be happy.

So I listen to people tell me again and again about the same mess, the same idiot boyfriend or ex-wife or hateful boss, and the stories never really change. Well, except for getting worse, with irritations piled upon frustrations until they're choking on a toxic waste dump of resentment.

And again, I will say to them what I've always said. I'll offer the same words, the same affirmations, the same insights. And still nothing changes.

This is not about me. It's no skin off my nose if people want to stay stuck in their misery. The point I'm trying to make is this: If you've been unhappy in a situation for a long time, change it. That might mean changing the way you respond to the situation but as long as you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you've got. There's no sense in complaining about it; that won't make it any better. You'll still be stuck in the same place, being just as miserable as ever. Wishing it was better won't get you there. You have to do something to make it happen.

When problems arise, talking about them is good. Leaning on friends is great. Looking for support and some answers, also wonderful. But eventually, there comes a time when you have to accept that you're on that hamster wheel, going round and round, stuck in the same unhappy mess you've been in for years.  Yes, it is painful sometimes to rip off the plaster in one go; it hurts like hell, but then healing can begin.

Your feelings are a wonderful gauge to use when trying to figure out if you're on the right path or not. And if you are consistently unhappy, or downright miserable much of the time or about a particular situation and it just never gets any better, then clearly, it's not good for you. But going on and on at length about how miserable you are will not make you happy. Changing the situation will.

3. How to waste time and energy.

There are lots of ways to waste precious time. Two of the best ways to waste it (or rather, the worst ways to use it) are feeling regretful and guilty about the past, and worrying about the future. 

It's surprising how many people spend loads of time looking back with if onlys and I should haves, or looking forward with trepidation. There is absolutely no point in either of those options. There is nothing to be done about the past, apart from learning from it, accepting it and moving on. And the future hasn't happened yet, so we can only do our best to avoid those things we don't want, and then focus on making it turn out as we hope.

There is absolutely nothing to be gained by dwelling on what cannot be changed, or going over several possible scenarios for something that has not yet happened. All that is accomplished is that the present is ruined and completely wasted.

When you spend your precious time looking back or looking ahead, you lose your right here and right now. You get to the end of the day and can't really remember much about it because you were so busy thinking about the mistakes you made or worrying about the ones you might make down the road. You've been distracted and preoccupied, a whole day's worth of present moments lost in the past and the future, swallowed up by events that cannot be changed or may never happen.

You've eaten meals you didn't really taste or enjoy, because whilst you were eating, you were thinking of the past or worrying about the future. You've driven to and from work or to and from shopping, and you don't really remember the drive as you were on auto-pilot, lost in the past or the future. You gave minimal attention to family and friends who spoke to you, your mind wandering to these futile thoughts and emotions about the past or the future.

You know you can't go back and change the past so when it pops into your head and upsets you, you've got to deliberately change your thoughts. Tell yourself the lessons you've learned from the experience. Send loving thoughts to others who were involved, especially if there were painful feelings left hanging between you and them. Focus on the learning, any positives just long enough to stop feeling awful and get back to the present.

As for worrying about the future - most of what we worry about won't happen anyway, so it's a monumental waste of time. And as for unpleasant events that you know are coming up (a Court date, a surgery, a dental appointment), they are not happening in this moment, so there is no point dreading them now because all you're doing is ruining now. That makes no sense at all. Those events will come when it's time, and you don't know how they will turn out; they might be much less miserable than you expect and you'll have wasted precious moments, hours, days that you can never get back.

Your present moments are the future of your past. Think about that... These are the moments you were worrying about last week, two years ago, three decades ago. Back then, were you looking at this future time and imagining that you'd be wasting it on regret and worry? Were you fearing that it would be tragic or awful or unpleasant? If you are busy being anxious and miserable, then I guess you got exactly what you expected. A self-fulfilling prophecy, and whose choice was that?

These moments - right now - will become your past. Do you want to look back on them with more regret about wasted time? Do you want to think about how you were so anxious for such a long time? Is that something worth reflecting on and remembering? - a life that was filled with anxiety, dread and worry?

Treasure every one of the moments in your life. Treasure every little gift of 'now'. Leave the past where it lies, and do your best to make plans for your future. Then let it unfold as it must, while you focus on right here, right now, one moment at a time. If you fill them up with regret and worry, you will never find peace or happiness.

4. The Big Eraser

I love you but it really bothers me when you _________

I'm sorry but I just had to do it.

I know I shouldn't have done it but I really wanted to!

Yes, I understand exactly how you're feeling but I still think _______

How we communicate makes all the difference in the world when it comes to every kind of relationship we have with other people. There are lots of parts of communication that need to be understood but for today, I want to talk about just one. A very simple one that I like to call The Big Eraser.

It is the word But.

When used, it pretty much erases everything that was said immediately prior to it. The use of but negates what was just verbalised.

Many people argue this point. I can assure you, whatever was actually said, the listener will have wiped out whatever was said right before that one little word. But implies that whatever comes after it is of greater importance than what was said just before.

When possible, it's best not to use it - or some version of it, like however, which has the same impact as but. If you want the listener to hear what comes before but, and whatever comes after it, leave them as two separate sentences or ideas, not connected by that word.

Or use and. This gives an entirely different and much stronger meaning; it is connective and will add emphasis to your words.

The same principle applies when someone else was doing the speaking and you begin your reply with But... It can feel as though everything the other person said has been completely disregarded. Best to begin by acknowledging what was said, for example I understand your point. 

Then instead of using But, say, And this is my perspective. That way, there is a sense of equality and balance, leaving the listener feeling as though he or she was heard. This helps to keep the lines of communication open, and not shut them down due to people digging in their heels and feeling defensive about making their points.

If you're wondering about the validity of this Big Eraser idea, just give it a try. When you're watching television, having conversations, or reading, pay attention to what happens when you hear/see the word but. I'm sure you'll agree that it negates whatever was just said.

It's just a little bit of information but it can make a very big difference. Give it a shot and tell me what you think!

5. The road to true happiness is much shorter than you think.

The pursuit of happiness leads to misery. When it is the goal, it becomes elusive. People say, I just want to be happy. They think they'll find it in a different job, a nicer home, that wonderful relationship, or from some other external source.

That kind of happiness, if you find it at all, is fleeting - especially if you expect to find it in relationships because those will always bring complexities and issues, many of which are not within your control.

New shoes, new house, new job - once the novelty wears off, so does the happiness. A nice meal, a great holiday, a special event - once they are finished, the unhappiness returns.

The only way to find true and lasting happiness is to create it. It's got to come from within. You don't, can't and won't find it outside yourself. It comes from being at peace with yourself, your life, your situation. You must accept what is, and stop wishing, hoping or searching for something to be different.

This does not mean that you stop reaching for goals, stop trying to make your dreams come true. It does not mean that you stop growing and remain stuck and unchanging.

It means that you accept whatever conditions exist as being 'for now'. It means not being angry, resentful, jealous, discontented, frustrated with your situation, but accepting that this is how things are right now, while focusing on where you want to be.

For example, my current situation is not what I want for the rest of my life. I would not choose it but it is the only option I have at this time. There are things about it that could drive me mental, if I let them. I could choke on frustration and intolerance and a whole load of negativity. But that would make me feel miserable and I refuse to live like that. Instead, accept that my situation is how it has to be for now. I choose to see the many blessings in it and I'm very grateful for every one of them. I accept the parts that are difficult. I keep putting one foot in front of the other, doing things that I hope will lead me to where I want to be in the future.

That kind of acceptance is the first step to creating lasting happiness. The next step is in doing things that allow you to express yourself, your individuality, your creativity. It is in taking - and finding - opportunities to improve the lives of others, helping where you can, contributing to putting smiles on the faces of people in need, people who are struggling. This connects you with your spirit, the Divine spark that resides within you and longs to reach out to others, to make a difference in the world by lifting people out of their suffering.

As long as you're searching for happiness outside yourself, you will never find it. When you're unhappy, it is because you are thinking about something that makes you feel that way. You're thinking about what's wrong, what's lacking, what is or isn't, what you wish, what you hate, what you're fed up with - and on and on and on. You cannot possibly feel happy with thoughts like that rolling through your head.

The road to happiness is really very short. It begins and ends right there, inside yourself.

6. Are you participating in your life or just observing everyone else’s?

Are you one of those people who will go to a nightclub and just watch people dance? Do you park on the sofa in front of the telly, watching other people play golf, climb mountains, go fishing, enter contests, explore new lands? Do you sit there while people demonstrate how to paint or cook or use power tools?

Maybe you've got a friend or two who keep diving into relationships, one after another, broken heart be damned, they're determined to keep trying, but your own broken heart keeps you hidden away because it just hurts too much when a relationship goes pear-shaped.  Or maybe you listen to everyone else's tales of skydiving, boating, holidays, parties and mischief-making.

We can't all be the same (that would be boring anyway). Some of us are bungee jumpers and some of us are not (I am NOT!). But if you are consistently observing life, you are not actively living it. If others are doing all the doing, and you're on the sidelines, you're watching others live their lives while not being a participant in your own.

I struggle to think of a bigger waste than that.  

So it hurts to have your heart broken again. You'll live. And it hurts to tear some ligaments or get a little banged up doing sports. You'll heal. Maybe it's a little embarrassing to see what disastrous attempts you can make at pottery or painting but so what? You'll have a good laugh - which is food for the soul.

Hearts mend, so do bruises and torn ligaments. It's a lot more fun to look at your own photographs of stuff you were doing and be able to say Ah, remember when.... than it is to look at someone else's photos of their fun stuff and listen to them tell you about it.

The best learning and wisdom come from experience, not from books. Don't just observe other people's lives and let