The Rings Of The Lords: The Recycling Of The Rings

The Rings of the Lords: The Recycling Of The Rings

By Liam Blades

Published by Liam Blades at Smashwords

Copyright 2011, Revised 2022 Liam Blades

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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Preface

An unsuspecting peacekeeping task force led by a substance-abusing wizard sets out to stop a looming invasion. Their mission becomes increasingly sidetracked as they find themselves in a bizarre variety of situations, encountering many questionable creatures and characters along the way. If you are easily offended, or are allergic to wood, you should close the book now. Unless of course you are reading this as an ebook, in which case you're safe. Because, the future...

Disclaimer

Warning – The following content may contain a variety of things that some readers may find offensive and/or disturbing, including (but not limited to):

- Acts of violence.

- Scenes involving use or reference to drugs/intoxicating substances.

- Alcohol.

- Gambling and/or gambling-related themes.

- Cross-dressing wizards.

- Scenes some readers may find disturbing.

- Scenes that some readers may find claustrophobic, or claustrophobically-themed, and hence disturbing.

- Scenes/acts of ethical and/or moral questionability.

- The half-chihuahua half-squirrel cross-breed.

- Random jokes that are so obscure/subtle that they may never be understood, or even spotted by some, including (but limited to) involving international organisations, companies, and/or products.

- Cannibalism.

- Possible offensive political and/or social concepts.

- Torture.

- Scenes or reference to sex, rape, and/or of a sexual nature.

- The possible misuse in the currently identified norms of the concept of magic, including it's scope and theoretical magnitude.

- Random generic video game references.

- Institutionalised domestic abuse.

- Sadomasochistic scenes, acts, and/or characters.

- Moderate use of offensive language.

- Use of Sarcasm.

On the plus side, the plot of the story does encourage the valuable environmental lesson of recycling.

Contents;

Contents Page -(This page)

History

Chapter 1- The Foreboding Truth

Chapter 2- The Pre-Quest

Chapter 3- The Road Ahead

Chapter 4- Disturbing Secrets

Chapter 5- The Very Scary Valley of The Dead

Chapter 6- Whatever Unfolds

Chapter 7- The Battle of Armanare

Chapter 8- The Emperor’s Task

Chapter 9- The Peaceful Town of ‘Wakemen’

Chapter 10- The Long-Ass Journey To Feidon

Chapter 11- The Just As Bloody-Long Journey To Crasmore

Chapter 12- The Even More Long-Ass Journey To The Koalmarian Capital, Whatever That May Be...

Chapter 13- The Legendary Bar Fight of Nipplehurst Tavern.

Chapter 14- Finding The Koalmarian Emperor.

Chapter 15- Getting Tortured, Featuring The Horny Devil’s Torture Squad & The Evil Little Children.

Chapter 16- The Quest For The Sword of Kickassness...

Chapter 17- The Recycling of The Rings.

Reference of main characters (List of main characters)

Author’s note, plus Additional Content (Bonus materials)

History

In the early times, the land was divided by many feudal lords. There was constant war, and killing, over control of land, supplies, gold, and shortages of coffee, and people lived in fear. To the west of the known world mainly Elven clans thrived, in the east the Fei Nan tribes were most dominant. Basically, the only difference in the race of the elves and that of man, is that they have silly pointy ears, and that they have the tendency to be homosexual, and have a strong love for arts and crafts. The land in-between the Elves and the Fei Nan had no dominant group; just a mixture of diverse clans, struggling to survive. The far north was always populated by the traditionally nomadic Marksfondononon clan, known as the ‘Marksfondonononese’. The Marksfondonononese, largely separated from the rest of the clans to the south of the vast Danmoor mountain range, flourished on their own without much competition, hence it became established as the province of Marksfondononon.

The much dominant Elven clans in the west land joined up, and formed the province of Eldoria, while the Fei Nan destroyed any rivalries, and founded the province of Koalmara (sometimes known as 'Koalmaria'), named after their leader. Before the province of Koalmaria was formed, the people who lived there were simply known in general as ‘the far eastern people’; distinguished by their thin eyes, and complicated language, and were generally not often seen in the other provinces. The people of the far-eastern tribes have always had a strong, natural hatred of ginger people, and since the formation of the province of Koalmaria, they have developed a campaign known as the ‘ginger agenda’. The Koalmarians had a ‘no tolerance policy’ towards gingers (in Koalmarian this directly translates to 'kil ti jin-jars!'), and in the early days they were once executed on sight, but nowadays there is a much more civilised society, and so they are simply imprisoned or enslaved. Hence, the ginger people around that area tend to have migrated elsewhere..

Orcs have always populated the far northwest and southeastern regions; not much is known of them or their territories as they rarely show themselves in the ‘civilised world’. It is said that those whom venture to the orcish territories are either killed, raped, or eaten, or a combination of the three... As the Eldorians gradually fought their way east, and the Koalmarians headed deeper west, the populations of the feudal clans trapped between the two were being wiped out. In the interest of self-preservation the trapped feudal clans formed an alliance, which became affectionately known as the ‘Heartlands Alliance’ (due to being landlocked by competing factions in all directions), and held off the invading forces. The clans to the far south whom also used to attack the Heartlands took pity on them, and eventually stopped attacking them; besides, the orcs of the southeastern territory were particularly randy, causing enough trouble for the southern clans without the need for a second frontier of conflict to their north.

In a largely symbolic move, the clans of the Heartlands eventually formed their own self-declared ‘empire’, which became overly ambitiously known as the Imperial Heartlands, or, the Imperial province. The leader of the largest clan in the alliance was proclaimed the emperor; emperor Carloto, whom was officially established in the year 257 (since official records began, or s.r.b. for short). The first Imperial Council was initially made up of the heads of each of the feudal clans in the alliance, with the council being appointed by descendants of the emperor, and approved by a limited public vote. In general, the 'empire' was just the optimistic outlook for what all of the encircled inhabitants of the feudal clans had come to refer to their own humble home grounds as, not that there actually ever was any form of imperialist, expansionist agenda.

To the south the most dominant clan formed the province of Seldor. Traditionally the clan of Seldor had little appetite for attacking the Heartlanders to their north, sharing more of a common struggle to fend off the provinces to the east and west. Attacks of the southern feudal clans by the Elves and Koalmarians were far less common a menace than the orcish raiding parties, including orcish raids along the southern shoreline, so the Seldorians used their influence to form an early alliance with this so-called ‘Imperial’ province. The exact year the that the vastly more-populated southern clans led by the Seldorians actually officially formed this alliance remains unclear, as all the original records were stolen by a large goblin raiding party in the year 318s.r.b., whom it is said after looting the regional libraries then defecated all over them, and used half of the records as toilet paper, while some of the papers were burned for heating purposes, and the rest actually eaten by the goblins. It is believed a formal alliance was agreed somewhere between 257 and 318s.r.b..

Despite the new alliance, and a fancy new name, the Imperial Heartlanders were far from safe. Besides the many normal dangers of things like ogres, bandits, cross-dressing cannibalistic wizards, and goblins, the war on both fronts was crippling; one by one the settlements of the empire were slowly being overrun, and it was losing what few cities it had. So it was decided they would build one big city, a city that would be safe from all, the strongest city. So they began the construction of Armanare; a giant man-made city, on a man-made island, in a man-made lake, called Crystal Lake. The city took many, many years to make, and was completed during the reign of the fourth emperor. The Imperial Army defended the project for over two-hundred years before it's final completion, and many died defending it’s construction. Armanare had thick, tall walls, with the very best fortifications, and the only way to it; a bridge to the north. For the next two hundred years with the safe haven of Armanare, the empire was undefeatable; only three major attacking armies actually made it to the capital city, and all were defeated with minimal effort. Whenever a town, a village, a city, a fort, or even an inch of the Imperial province became threatened, it was swiftly defended, backed up by the Imperial armies from this thriving capital. Eventually, the wars became tiresome, and peace was declared in the year 657s.r.b., under the Carloto treaty, and there were no longer any hard-fought over land borders to worry about, but instead vast gaps between each province, where no military force was allowed to cross, which kept the five provinces at peace. By this stage almost the entire population of the Imperial Province lived within the walls of Armanare, with half of the province’s farming conducted within the walls also.

Not long after the treaty was signed by the five provinces, the people of Marksfondononon had developed over larger areas of land around them, mainly to the unoccupied lands east of them. During this expansion, around the year 670s.r.b. there was a civil war for independence, and the newly-developed land east of Marksfondononon was made the province of Assmore; due to it’s strange variety of wildlife. The Marksfondonononese became unsettled with this new province and attacked them, but the Assmorian army ambushed and defeated their attackers; though both sides were crippled. So eventually Assmore signed up as the sixth province in the Carloto treaty, and eventually established good trade links with Marksfondononon.

The empire on the other hand also became close allies with Eldoria, and it too developed more roads, and trade between the two. By now the distinctive flags of the six provinces were widely recognised as follows; the Imperial flag was blue, with a white stripe going down the middle from the top of it, and at the middle it split into two directions, diagonally, and outwards, towards the two bottom corners of the flag, so that the white line was pointing outwards in three directions. The flag of Seldor consisted of alternating vertical red and white stripes, with a red rose on the bottom right corner of it. The elven flag of Eldoria simply consisted of a dark/greyed gold colour. The Koalmarians had a white circle, on a red background. The Marksfondonononese flag was a white circle, on a red background, with a black edge around the circle, and a simple smiley-face in the middle of the circle, in black. While the Assmorian flag was made of two grey semicircles, curving into the centre, on a brown background.

During the reign of the fifth Imperial Heartlands emperor in the year 672s.r.b., the Koalmara province, led by their emperor known as emperor Chi-Kuen, attacked the Imperial province with the biggest army ever to approach the empire, outnumbering the empire’s defence force at least two to one. Every fort and town, every blade of grass was defended as best as possible, though a third of the empire had fallen and worse was expected. But the Imperial army, led by the fifth emperor himself had the most advanced weaponry and armour, and with good tactics, made the most of his army, and won back the lands he lost after a bitter struggle. It is said that the Imperial Heartlands defenders were however close to a crushing defeat in one final battle, which took place at the time on The Great Cannabis Fields of Swordshatter Plains, but after too much of the marijuana plants were burned, not much of the battle was remembered, never mind it's result. In addition to this, many soldiers from both sides ended up missing, or reported to have wound up in very far away places, and that after the battle, 'The Great Cannabis Fields of Swordshatter Plains' ceased to be. After this, the last large-scale conflict, the treaty was updated, forbidding any province to possess an army larger than a hundred thousand men, and ever since, there has not been a single major war. Meanwhile to the east, Koalmara became more distant, they became less frequent in contact over time, and became somewhat secretive. Peace had come.

The following are the maps of the six provinces, followed by an additional map of the Imperial Heartland city of Armanare (when the cartographers of the 6 provinces sent letters to the orcish territories to formally request their version of maps for their territories, only sacks of shit were sent back in response; hence there are no available maps of the orcish territories). It is said that these maps were drawn by someone who could not draw very well (it is also said that thanks to the absolutely useless, glitch-riddled, primitive available publishing software, that this has magically influenced the maps, making them of lower quality and size than is available on the sources revealed at the back page!);

Chapter 1- The Foreboding Truth

At the height of it’s peak, or, the peak of it's height, the period of peace flourishes; on this, the year 813 since records began. The sun gleams through the clouds illuminating the glorious capital of Armanare. This famous city, a landmark feat of engineering stands surrounded by it's famous high-walled citadel structure, now stands as a time-tested symbol of stability in a land once plagued by feudal conflicts. This city is unique also in the sense that it is at the centre of the known world, making it the main trading hub between the existing provinces. The tall palace of the Imperial Council stands at the centre, as a half palace, half castle fortress; being the location of the fabled signing of the peace treaty. Connected to it are four smaller castle-like defence points to each of the four sides of the city; north, east, west and south. Each of these fortifications also reach above the high city walls, and are connected to the palace in the centre by tall, spanning bridges that overlook the stone city buildings below.

To the north of Armanare lies the great mountains of Danmoor, stretching to the far west towards Eldoria, as well as east into Koalmara. Beyond the fishing boats of Crystal Lake, the Great Forest stretches out to the horizon in the west; a seemingly endless, ancient forest. The immediate area surrounding south and east of Armanare hosts as the primary farms of the city, beyond which are the wilderness of the plains. The road south leads to the ancient city of Crasmore in the province of Seldor; home to the old allies of the empire, along with the most fertile farmlands known anywhere. The road east leads to the Swamps Of Cleanliness, beyond which the Koalmarians have steadily focused on domestic issues, building up their infrastructure largely independently from the other provinces. In contrast to the troubled years of the past, a cautious, yet golden age of peace has enveloped the entire land; with the exception of the never-ending raids by goblins, bandits, orcs, murder sprees by dangerous secretive religious sects, and the occasional lone-wolf rampages by wild ogres… But for how long could this golden age last, as the armies of each province watch each other.

Eldis Orlorfius, the great wizard known by most throughout the city as ‘The Wise One’, and by some as 'That Old Guy With The Beard', and by a select few as 'Pimp Daddy Sweet Sugar Boss', was dwelling in his quarters at the city’s School of Magic, refining his alchemy skills. Eldis runs the much-respected school, always expanding his knowledge to his close friends and apprentices, and is also the sole cartographer responsible for submitting the official 'Map of Armanare' to official print (hence famous for mapping out only the two places within the walls of Armanare that actually matter to him: his house, and the school). The school offers a service to the military, as many graduates join the legions as battle wizards, and are a commonly respected profession throughout the empire. Throughout the established society, people of the school that practice magic, wizardry, and sometimes even just alchemy, are frequently referred to as 'mages' (from the word 'magician'), hence the school being sometimes referred to as the Mage's School.

Eldis stood there in his usual green wizard’s robes, stroking his long beard in deep thought as he observed minute chemical reactions taking place as a result of mixing substances. This was his favourite hobby, as he much appreciated the smallest of details in whatever he had undertaken to study. But the calm working atmosphere was broken when one of his fellow colleagues burst frantically through the door; his closest elven friend (and coincidentally his Only elven friend), Amdar Crudius returned exhausted with his scout report..

I have news from the north!-Wait, you’re wearing green again?? Amdar interrupted himself, looking at Eldis. Eldis breathed out heavily, not being the biggest enthusiast of people bursting through the door while in the middle of watching a liquid ever so slowly change colour.

There is a very good reason, Amdar, that I’m wearing green... Eldis said, without elaborating. Amdar stood there dumbfounded in the silence of the moment.

… Which is? He eventually asked.

It’s my favourite colour of course! Now what is it that’s so important you have to tell me that’s taking my attention away from a slow precipitation process, and the therapeutic philosophical stroking of my beard? Eldis frowned slightly as he spoke.

I have reason to believe the Great Lord Danmard of the far north province of Marksfondononon is planning to attack....

Calm as ever, Eldis inquired as to what Amdar based this on, whom went on to explain that from the old outpost of Veynesway northeast of Armanare, he observed through the gap in the Danmoor Mountains through the Valley of The Dead, and glimpsed the construction of many siege weapons in forbidden quantities, such of which could be a great threat if Danmard decided to attack. The news was kept quietly confined to the elite members of the school as not to cause panic, and Eldis decided to round up a small group for a confidential meeting.

Late that evening the meeting took place in Eldis’s quarters. Only the selected few, whom Eldis considered worthy, joined the meeting. He then apologised for telling everyone to meet up in his quarters, as he couldn’t be bothered organising a proper place earlier, and so he held the meeting in the main school chamber; a small, circular room with stone chairs around the perimeter facing centrally into the middle of the room. Eldis had summoned the following, most trusted members of the school into the chamber: Amdar Crudius, of Elven origin who was his oldest apprentice, having been under Eldis’ training for several years. Besides wearing a green coat, and grey sack-cloth trousers, he wore a distinctly-crafted pearl amulet on a small gold chain around his neck. Darmer Balfas the Dwarf was present, whom had a bushy beard, which he stroked while sitting in his chair. Darmer was wearing brown padded under-armour clothing at this point. Sat next to him was the promising apprentice Nikius Hernius, whom had the distinct facial expression of 'what am I doing here at this time of the night', dressed up overall in blue-silk attire. The school warrior swords master Prolan Ardius, a tall, well-built man, was also here, whom had a scar on the back of his right hand which shook ever so subtly on the armrest, as he sat in his chair. Prolan was roughly shaven, and wearing brown sack-cloth home-comfort clothing. And lastly Fingius Fungius the Dull, famous for his boring, yet exciting personality, whom was wearing not just any plain grey cotton trousers and shirt; he wore plain grey cotton trousers and shirt with his name sewn in red thread on a small pocket on the left chest area of his shirt, expressing his valuing of brand awareness and individuality, which nobody noticed.

At this meeting of potentially high inter-provincial political importance, Eldis had everyone swear an oath; to follow him to the bitter end, no matter how bitter that may be, and to not tell anyone else of their investigatory quest to Marksfondononon. All agreed, except one; Fingius Fungius, whom was sitting on his chair dribbling heavily into the new puddle beneath him, and half asleep.

Fingius! Eldis scowled,

"Have you been smoking Spotted Southern Squirrel tails again!?"

Fingius, having seemingly regained consciousness, quietly whimpered,

No sir!

So it was agreed, and Eldis decided that before they could embark on the long perilous journey to Marksfondononon they would have to ready themselves…

Chapter 2- The Pre-Quest

It was decided that before the journey could be made they would require supplies, and any last-minute preparation they could get; so the group was dispatched to ready themselves. Early next morning Eldis retreated home to his quiet old stone house, which was seemingly ancient, and in another, older part of the city from the mage's school. He went into his secret room which he had made himself. In this secret room was Eldis Orlorfius’s secret stash of secretiveness, where he kept his weapons, utility items, as well as some old and dusty materials, rolls of marijuana, and lastly some old potions. Now wearing his grey wizard’s hat and cloak which had seen many years, he reached down to his old secret chest. On the old secret chest lay many locks; twenty-three to be precise.

After half an hour of unlocking it, and finding the right matching keys, he opened his secret chest from which he obtained his trusty steel dagger; an old dagger, that had lost most of it’s shine, but he kept nonetheless. He placed his dagger into it’s holster on his waist, and focused back on the chest. Next he pulled out an old wooden bow, with some arrows, which were kept in a quiver on his back efficiently and professionally. He then carefully closed the chest, spent another half an hour locking it, and then set off, taking his wooden staff with him on the way out. Eldis then promptly came back in and ditched his grey wizard hat for another hat that was the same in every way other than the fact it was green, and ditched the grey cloak he had worn so briefly over his green wizard’s robes.

Eldis was going hunting, to get some food for the journey. He headed east, on foot, to journey through Swordshatter Plains, and further out, where some trees started to appear. Despite his old age, he did prefer to walk once in a while over riding a horse. He followed the Old Road, into this relatively thin forest known as the Forest of Endlessness. But he knew not to stray too far east, as there lay the Swamp wastes of Cleanliness; of which was notoriously useless for hunting. As Eldis followed the road he stopped, and coughed very roughly, though momentarily. He had coughed up a mixture of blood and mucus, which he then spat into the grass on the side of the road. Eldis had to do this once in a while, as he was affected by a disease which had not yet been classified nor named at the time, and was fatiguing him, and affecting his lungs, hence the coughing up of blood and mucus. He then pulled out an old red rag from his pocket, and used it to wipe the blood away from his mouth (to hide the fact that he had this disease from others), after which he put it back in his pocket, and continued to follow the road. And so Eldis began to traverse the Forest of Endlessness…

Five whole minutes had passed; he had almost cleared the whole forest, and was beginning to get bored, and tired, but it was at that moment he spotted a rabbit up ahead... He carefully and slowly drawn out his bow, and tensed it with an arrow as he took aim, reliant on years of experience. Calmly, he aimed at the cute little rabbit and he fired, and missed, and the rabbit ran away…

Little Bastard... Eldis muttered in mild annoyance.

But it was then that the great Eldis Orlorfius retrieved his Staff of Thunder from his back, and he blasted a mighty surge of lightning unto the rabbit, and victory was his! The rabbit blasted skywards at a ridiculous speed, leaving a small patch of scorched, simmering grass behind it. Eldis went to retrieve his prize, but at first could not find anything besides the small, burnt-out crater. After a few minutes of search, and following the smoky smell, he noticed some smoke rising from the top of an old tree... It was from here he collected his first and only kill and moved on. After this somewhat successful evening of hunting he decided to head back.

On the way back, Eldis decided the next thing he would need is a shop or travelling merchant to buy some equipment, and noticed what appeared to be a small camp in the distance. What he saw when he arrived was not to be expected by any man; he found a group of naked people dancing around a wooden statue screaming and laughing whilst trying to hit each other’s asses with small leafy tree branches. Eldis, calm as ever asked;

What on this earth is going on!?

To which one of them replied,

This is the shrine of Ziguzigazaga! And we are his followers.

-And why are you doing this? Eldis inquired.

"We’re mad! –HAHAHAHA!"

And so the follower continued, and seeing they had nothing worth selling, Eldis left them in peace.

Glad I’m not religious… He whispered. Random weird cults were a not too uncommon thing, which Eldis had stumbled upon enough of... It was getting late, so he continued back to the city.

Upon arrival he met his colleagues at the city entrance, whom of which had brought with them some food of their own, and the armour and weapons they would need, as they knew the traveller’s life is a dangerous one. After waiting faithfully for Eldis, as per his word, he told them that actually there was no need for them to wait there for him; to the annoyance of the others. Nightfall was coming; so they all returned to their school’s quarters and slept, as they knew they would need energy for the next day.

The following morning they were out again. This time the group was scanning the market. Darmer, Prolan and Fingius were delegated to find some of the essentials; tents, bedrolls, and some cutlery and cooking equipment. Eldis, Amdar, and Nikius searched for some special alchemists’ equipment, and some ingredients to make special essential potions for the trip. Just about anything legal was available to buy in the capital; the trade centre of the known world, so all that was needed to do was to look. After gathering the necessary items, they headed once more back to the school. Darmer, Prolan and Fingius got to work packing everything ready for travel, whilst Eldis intrigued his old apprentice Amdar with the brewing of potions, while Nikius pretended he was interested in this sort of thing too.

Gentlemen, this is the potion of The Unforgiving. Announced Eldis.

What's it made of? Inquired Amdar.

This my friends, this fine specimen is made from the finest salts from the salt marshes of Seldor, the petals of the pink roses of Eldoria, and my own excrement, of... Me. Eldis then whispered softly into the bottle the mystical words;

Hocus Pocus! And announced the potion was ready.

What's'it do? Asked Amdar appetisingly.

Follow me. And Eldis led them into the street. Eldis passed the bottle to Amdar,

Here Amdar, drink...

Do I have to? Amdar replied, staring into the brown liquid within.

Drink!- And so he drank.

I don't feel anything... Groaned Amdar.

Give it a minute.

A few moments later, two incredibly fat ladies came trundling along the cobbled street. When Amdar looked at that direction he saw right through their clothes and gasped.

What is it? Nikius asked, superstitiously. Amdar summoned the courage to reply;

Words of old cannot describe the evils of what lies beyond. He turned round, shielding his eyes with his hands.

What is it? Nikius asked, now looking at Eldis.

That potion allows the user to see through thin layers of material, excluding living tissue due to it's own magical aura, ranging from things as thin as paper, and as thick as a really thin strip of wood... Which can be very handy if you want to see what your foes have concealed with them, such as weapons, but of course, our poor friend has looked at those two women over there...

-They're women?! Awww, poor Amdar. Replied Nikius disgustedly.

That is why it is called the potion of The Unforgiving. Eldis answered sternly.

How long does this horrible crap last then!? Amdar whimpered, trying not to look at his colleagues..

-A couple of hours. Now come, let us leave this evil.

Back inside, Eldis pointed out some of the more obvious potions. Potions of Rush, used to increase the users adrenalin, which helps them to run and move faster, increase strength, and proves generally useful in combat. Potions of Depth, which contain watery liquids very rich in oxygen, creating a precious reserve for when there is lack of air, such as under water, or at the summits of high mountains. There were also some Potions of Essence, common to all as potions with healing properties; a mixture of selected fruits and vegetables and plant extracts, known throughout the realm to work with the body, that kind of stuff (with only the side effect of wild, unwieldy farts). When all the necessary items were packed, Eldis inspected the efficiency of the storage to a satisfactory level, and then gathered the group to their stables by the east side of the road right before the city bridge. Opposite the road lies the city’s main stables, by the west side right before the bridge. Two city guards who were associated with the school came with them, each with their own horses.

In the school’s stables each member fed their horse, and saddled them. Eldis had a fine white horse, always loyal to him, which he named ‘Rip Off’; as he always had a stern belief he paid too much for it. Prolan Ardius’s horse was a very large, and very strong black horse, which he named ‘Night Runner’, which suited him as he was a tall man, whom was practically considered nocturnal as he hardly slept, however the others like to pretend they hear him call his horse ‘Shite Runner’ as a joke. Darmer Balfas also had a horse that suited him, and being of Dwarven origin and therefore a midget, he had a brown pony, which he called ‘Honey’. Amdar Crudius named his brown horse after him; ‘Crudius Amdar’. Nikius Hernius had a young horse, a scrawny horse with a mixture of white and brown hairs, and named it the ‘Bringer of Death’. Fingius the Dull simply named his golden-brown horse ‘Horse’. With the school being on a budget they couldn’t afford any fancy horse armour, however this meant they would be lighter, and faster, which they were all well aware of, so they didn’t complain. The two city guards were assigned to follow Eldis' group to the boundaries of the province; the limits of their jurisdiction, and being official guards meant them having the small advantage of funding for light armour for their horses.

Let us ride, for we have a long and dangerous road ahead of us, and time is against us. Eldis announced, as he led the way across the city’s bridge, followed by the pounding of hooves against the ground, followed by a quieter, more high pitched pounding of hooves by the pony of Darmer.

Chapter 3- The Road Ahead

They rode north, where the mountains of Danmoor dominated the horizon. They crossed the city’s bridge, and the small clearing that separated the city from a part of the Great Forest, which spanned all the way from the west and became a relatively thin layer to the north of the city. It was here progress was hindered; as there were many bushes and trees, and uneven ground, which forced everyone to ride more slowly, and carefully.

Damn this is annoying, all these weeds!! Darmer blurted out.

-Quiet Darmer! Eldis snapped softly.

"What, are the trees alive or something!?" Darmer said sarcastically, with typical a dwarven attitude.

No, but there are many more dangerous things in these woods than just wolves, bandits, rapists, vampires, paedophiles, crazed cultists, vampire-paedophiles, vampire-paedophile-bandit-rapists and crazy sacrificial-worshiping-bandit-rapist-vampires. No, there are far worse things that lie beyond... Warned Eldis.

Such as badgers... Vicious buggers they are! Eldis continued,

And ogres! They are capable of ripping your arm off, and giving you a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree titty twister! Eldis continued, as the others gasped in shock,

Then there’s the goblins... Not just the ordinary goblins, but fully organised goblin clans; it is said that clans of up to two hundred goblin members exist in these places... Eldis continued further. A moment’s silence passed, and Fingius asked,

What about crazy sacrificial-worshiping-vampire-paedophile-bandits?

-Well yeah, there’s them too, and homosexuals, but it’s the ogres, goblins and badgers that you got to watch out for. Eldis continued.

But what about things like bandit-rapist-goblins? Fingius answered back.

Now don’t make things complicated Fingius... Eldis replied dismissively...

And so they all maintained a careful silence, as they manoeuvred their horses through the thick, dense woodland. After a while the trees started to thin out slightly in a clearing, just enough for them to see the peaks of the mountains once more.

We're almost done with this place... Said Prolan.

It’s about time-AACHOUW!!! Darmer interrupted himself with a loud sneeze, and things fell silent. The sound echoed into the distance, as if it were multiplied by the mountains themselves. Distant sounds of birds scattering in fright were all there was to hear.

YOU FOOL! What have you done!? Eldis hasted.

Sorry, I didn’t mean it. Darmer now whispered, as pointless as that was by this point. Even the two guards that were escorting them looked around, worried.

A faint rustling sound could be heard, as the group looked worriedly around them. The rustling became a crunching, and the crunching became a thumping, which then became a solid thud. After a moment, and a distant groan, the sound of thumping resumed. Now everyone had gathered together, and through the darkness of trees to the west, Eldis could make out a figure.

RUN!! He shouted, and the others followed without hesitation as he led them to the mountains at speed. A huge eight-foot ogre came bursting through the bushes, and the group struggled to get away as speed was very difficult in these circumstances. The ogre had a distinct semi-intelligent, yet determined facial expression, and despite having a fat, swollen belly, it was a very strong, muscular creature overall. Besides the primitive loose cloth clothing that was barely covering the ogre’s groin and ass, the ogre brought a massive home-made spiked club for a good old time.

It’s an ogre!-And it’s hungry by the looks of it! Fingius announced.

You don’t say, dumb-ass!! Just keep focused on what’s in front of you, cos’ if your horse trips, I’ll trip over you!! Prolan shouted from behind him, avoiding the tree branches.

After a quick sprint the ogre gave up the chase, and eventually the group slowed their pace, relieved to have lost the ogre in this brief, but frightening encounter. Now they were at the edge of the forest. The trees stopped almost as if there were an invisible barrier, which gave way to some open fields. The grey rain clouds that stalked the group from above released their downpour upon them; hence it was raining. They were at the foot of the now-daunting mountains of Danmoor. No trees, no green, nothing. No life seemed to grow on this part of the mountain. Only the dark, volcanic soil and rocks gave the mountain it’s distinct black and grey colour of what seemed to be a barren waste. The only distinct character was the dry, brown dirt trail running up the mountain.

It looks steep, can’t we go that way? Asked Amdar, pointing to the east, towards the now-visible Valley of The Dead in the distance.

No, Announced Eldis,

"The Valley of The Dead is a deadly place. Going there would mean we would have to get through the road, overlooked on both sides by sheer cliff faces. Many have died that way. Some say the souls of the people who died there remain there to this day... That route is not an option."

What about the Woldare Road to the west? It’s a safe road over a soft, gradual hill, with rainbows, butterflies and goodness, which will lead us through the Starios Pass? Suggested Prolan.

No, that is too far away. Strictly speaking the Starios Pass isn’t even part of the wide mountain ranges of Danmoor. We simply don’t have enough time. This is the best route. Confirmed Eldis.

As the brief rain stopped, they emerged from the trees they had used as shelter. They crossed the grass fields, and stepped on to where grass doesn’t grow; the bottom of the trail of Danmoor. It was there they all had to leave their horses. Although reluctant, deep down inside they knew the trail was too steep and too thin for any horse, so they dismounted.

All right, from now on we have to go on foot, Announced Eldis.

Because you know we can’t bring them.

-But I don’t wanna leave my horse! Moaned Darmer.

It’s not even a horse, it’s a ridiculous pony! Said Fingius.

Shut up you Pompous southern turd!! He answered back.

Stop it you two, save yer’ energy! Prolan interrupted,

Now Darmer, you know you can’t bring the pony.

-I know jus’ give me a minute! Darmer said grumpily,

It’s okay Honey... Darmer continued to whisper a few secretive words into Honey’s ear, after which Honey licked Darmer in the face, and Darmer did the same back. After he was done he called ahead,

Arright! I’m comin’!

They left their horses with the two escorting guards whom would take their horses back to the city stables, leaving the others to set on up the long perilous trail.

The trail was ancient; faded and worn, leaving a very unforgiving marginal fraction of space between the steep, scorched rocks to their left, and the sheer drop to their right. As they gained altitude the winds got stronger; a cold wind battered along the mountainside, leaving them very exposed to the elements. Mercifully they discovered around one of many of the indistinguishable corners a small patch of level ground; the most sheltered they had come across. The clouds once again began to black out the sky, and it rained mercilessly. As night was descending, it was decided to set up camp on this much appreciated patch. Tents made of animal hides were put up, with special rugs used as waterproof flooring, and the bedrolls were laid on top, that were not much more than sacks with a single pillow attached to each, which were to be their beds. The rain battered the sides of their tents, which kept them all awake, and the wind howled through the night..

At dawn they awoke to quiet. The drips of the rain from last night were all to be heard. They emerged from the safety of their tents into the daylight, and brought with them their sacks. Fingius set up the pots on the cooking stand, while Darmer tried to light the fire with the grounded powder of Fejet flowers; mildly flammable red flowers common to the province, and a dry stone he had secured with him. After Darmer’s repeated failed attempts, Nikius Hernius stepped in with the skills he learnt, covering the pestle of Fejet flower with his hands and whispered a few words. The resulting spell lit the fire.

Bloody show off. Darmer scoffed, stepping back.

As Prolan poured water into the pot, Eldis brought out the rabbit he caught, which he preserved with salt, and suggested a rabbit stew. Fingius tossed in some chopped vegetables, and they let it cook. The heat from the cooking encouraged the group to sit around, as it was the only source of warmth they had besides any heat generated by angry thoughts of how their taxes may have been mis-spent. After they ate, Eldis was quick to rally everyone up onto their feet, and pack everything up. After re-packing everything they resumed climbing.

As they got higher, their surroundings became more daunting; it wasn’t just the sheer heights made ominously obvious by the vastness of the void below, but also being constantly harassed by the tumbling rocks from above them. The ground crumbled beneath their feet, scarring the surface of the trail with every step. Obviously no soul had travelled this way in a long time. Every step, another crunch. The morning sun blinded their journey upwards as the trail headed east.

This mountain seems to go on forever… Began Nikius.

It’s nothing like my homeland. Amdar continued.

Tell us about your homeland Amdar. Requested Fingius, now tired and miserable.

In my home town we had everything we needed. At the safety of our mountain citadel high up in the Ayvel mountains in the west country, we needn’t fear attack; in fact it’s now our new capital, as our old capital, Glavascana, was destroyed long ago by a devastating attack from one of the biggest organised armies of orcs.. Anyway, our farm fields were kept safe at the back of our enclosed city, and produced enough food in the rich summers to last through the cold winter seasons. And the summers were so warm…

-Sounds nice, unlike this dump!! Darmer broke in, as he climbed the rocks that obstructed them.

You were saying? Encouraged Prolan.

Well my town, Feidon, had everything you needed. It had internal stables, that is, stables on the inside of the gates, and our temple was actually a place you would go! It was home to some of the best healers in the land. The temple's tower could be seen from the bottom of the mountain, and you could still clearly read the time on it’s sundial. Ten of the morning hour!-That was the time everyone would eat together, a hearty meal to keep us going through the working hours of the day.

Just then a thud was heard, followed by a high pitched scream which faded rapidly. Everyone turned around,

Oh crap!! Nikius fell off the mountain!! Gasped Darmer.

Oh no, not Nikius, NOT Nikius!!-NIKIUUUS!!! Fingius called out dramatically into the abyss, which was partially obscured in mist. A very faint squish was all there was to be heard at the end of the faded scream; a sinister twist to the otherwise calming sound of a gentle breeze on this bright, sunny day. They stared, sternly into the mist below...

Nikius was a good friend to us all, Eldis began,

He was a fine man, full of potential.-He had a future! He was not just an apprentice… He was a friend!

Poor guy… Whimpered Fingius, as the others looked on in mild horror.

-And as his friends I think he would have wanted us to go now because seriously, we're running out of time… We must push on. Continued Eldis.

The group carried on, shocked, and even more miserable with the loss of one of their members. Getting higher with every step they took, the air gradually became thinner, and colder, until they could see their breath hang in the air. For a boost, they would each take a sip from the Potions of Depth, every once in a while to keep their focus. There was snow now, a pure white snow that was embedded into their surroundings, as a surreal change to what seemed a barren place, which now seemed so much more dynamic. Eventually, evening came, and another day was coming to an end. They set up camp for another night, just before the summit, knowing that camping at the top would be dangerous due to wind exposure, as well as the increased risk of being spotted. They found what appeared to be a small crater, as the mountain used to be an old volcano; long extinct now, it was the perfect camp site. Once again the small tents were unpacked and set up. But Prolan, being the cautious one was not settled; he was worried, and pointed out how their frail greyish brown tents stood out amongst the snow, and that they could be easily spotted from a distance. So everyone put snow on the sides of their tents, and soon they were camouflaged. As they went to bed, more snow started to fall, and things were silent.

During the night the wind was picking up. The darkness of the night filled the atmosphere. Amdar lay in his tent, cold, and still awake, and holding tightly to his bedding. Almost falling into sleep, Amdar thought he could hear a wail in the wind. He didn’t think much of it, but then the faint wail got louder, until it was clearly a horrific, deafening scream. Amdar heard the others waking up too, and he burst out of his tent. To his terror, he saw an ogre, and it was Fingius screaming and struggling as the ogre shook him viciously in the air, with his tent torn apart nearby, then the ogre lifted Fingius higher with a 360-degree nipple twisting grab, creating a higher-pitched scream from Fingius! Amdar called the others as he pulled out his short sword. The ogre spotted him, and roared as he punched Fingius with an arm bigger than his target. Fingius smashed over the scattered remains of his tent and it’s contents. Amdar slashed the ogre’s arm, but was knocked down in quick succession. The ogre, now focused on Amdar, picked him up, and was then shot in the arm by one of Eldis’s arrows. The ogre growled in pain as he dropped Amdar down again. Darmer was quick to jump onto the beast’s back, and drive an axe into it’s skull. The ogre fell, and crunched heavily into the snow. Darmer removed his axe, which was swiftly replaced by Prolan’s sword, which sliced the head in two.

I think it was dead Prolan!! Eldis shouted.

You can never be sure… He said in his defence,

And this is for Amdar! He continued as he drove his sword through it’s back.

And this is for waking me up!! Now driving the sword into the ogre’s ass,

And this is for waking everyone else up!!! Now chopping the ogre’s toes off,

And this is for Fingius!!-Wait, where is Fingius!? He asked, now standing on the ogre. Fingius lay still in the snow nearby, silent. Amdar got up, signalling he was okay, and walked over to Fingius. He rolled him over, and Fingius groaned in pain. The other’s came, and after quick inspection Eldis determined one