It's like my father always said to me, he said to me, he said, Roseanna Roseanadana, it's always something. If it isn't one thing--it's another! It's always something.
Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
I've learned what I can control is whether I am going to live a day in fear and depression and panic, or whether I am going to attack the day and make it as good a day, as wonderful a day, as I can.
There are those who open their hearts to others...who never think twice about giving of themselves. They are the wonderful warmhearted people who make all the difference in our lives.
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.
There is no real security except for whatever you build inside yourself.
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive.
... every time I got disappointed I'd remember the Roseannadanna philosophy that says that you shouldn't cry over split milk 'cause if you spill some milk and instead of cleaning it up you just walk over it and start crying, they're gonna put you on lithium.
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
Humor is just truth, only faster!
[Motherhood is] the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It's huge and scary-it's an act of infinite optimism.
While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die - whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness.
Cancer changes your life, often for the better. You learn what's important, you learn to prioritize, and you learn not to waste your time. You tell people you love them. My friend Gilda Radner used to say, 'If it wasn't for the downside, having cancer would be the best thing and everyone would want it.' That's true. If it wasn't for the downside.
I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they're the first to be rescued off sinking ships.
Having cancer gave me membership in an elite club I'd rather not belong to.
Cancer is probably the most unfunny thing in the world, but I'm a comedian, and even cancer couldn't stop me from seeing the humor in what I went through.
The goal is to live a full, productive life even with all that ambiguity. No matter what happens, whether the cancer never flares up again or whether you die, the important thing is that the days that you have had you will have lived.
[Roseanne Roseannadanna line:] It's always something.
Dreams are like paper, they tear so easily.
I can always be distracted by love, but eventually I get horny for my creativity.
Fame changes a lot of things, but it can't change a light bulb.
Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.
I have always found men who were funny, irresistible. It's rare that I ever based love on looks or superficial things, but it a guy made me laugh-and that didn't mean he had to be in comedy professionally - I was hooked.
... I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Suddenly I had to spend all my time getting well.
[Emily Litella line:] Never mind.
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