Depression: Why Am I So Depressed? -Part 2

Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 Why Am I So Depressed? – Part 2 Preface - Setting the Stage What this essay intends to accomplish is to open the readers thinking to understand that not I wish to begin Part Two in this series with a only do the causes of depression reside within statement of purpose. Firstly, there are no parts you, but the answers do as well. This statement is of this series that offers instant, out-of-the-box not intended to place blame. Throw blame solutions. The human mental condition is out…completely. This series on depression is extremely complex. Modern science has barely about discovering the things that causes your scratched the surface of the physical brain, let depression. Depression resides in the ideas, alone the mind-brain-consciousness connection. concepts, opinions, perceptions and beliefs that Extraordinary as it may be to say, the you maintain in your brain, and believe are real. Buddha’s depth of understanding of the human Part One of this series outlined many of those mind/consciousness is astounding, and anything foundational ideas of depression, and examined but simple. Regardless of whether a person seeks the causes of depression, but was not exhaustive the advice and help from a trained mental-health by any means. professional or the Buddha, unravelling the All people experience depression at one time source of one’s depression is no simple or easy or another. This series is not intended for those feat. However, if you proceed through this series, who suffer bouts of occasional depression. with patience, you can be assured of discovering However, the teachings do not isolate suffering, some answers. Page | 1 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 per se, into labeled groups such as we use to refer understand the scope and meaning of the to various stress factors. Buddha’s teachings. Rather, the Buddha’s message was clear: Modern psychologists and psychiatrists study Suffering is anything that causes displeasure and the symptoms of a person suffering from mental dissatisfaction. That definition pretty much issues and come to a diagnosis based on an covers the gamut for anything connected to any individuals’ behavior. Modern mental-health is degree of human depression. This series is limited in the scope of what a disorder is and how intended for those who struggle with recurrent it can be studied. Certainly, the DSM1 series of depression, and perhaps have experienced mental illness references has progressed and depression for a long time. grown over the decades since its inception. The Thus far, this series has attempted to fact that it changes all the time is an indication highlight some of the major reasons why that certain disorders are updated with new depression takes hold, and presented some of the information, while others are redacted because Buddha’s teachings that are applicable for the disorder is no longer considered to be a identifying where depression comes from. disorder2. After publishing Part One, I received numerous messages, some from within those in Wisdom of the Buddha the mental health field, pointing out that monks and nuns were not qualified to help someone with Whereas, according to the exquisite PTSD or other mental-health issues such as Bi- information provided in the Abhidhammatha Polar Syndrome. This may certainly be true in Sangaha and the Abhidhamma Pitaka, the some severe cases. However, while psychologists Buddha descended far deeper into the real causes or psychiatrists are trained and can be very of suffering than the mental-health sciences are skillful, the casual Buddhist should consider that able. In the end, is not all suffering psychological the Buddha transcended every aspect of both in nature? Whatever may be the cause of external and internal worlds. I have strenuously suffering, would any human be cognizant of their maintained a cautious stance when transmitting suffering if the suffering had no effect on one’s the Buddha’s teachings with respect to mental- thoughts? health issues. That being said, I am not perfect, The Abhidhamma, while it is not a sutta that but I do not need to be a psychologist to is recommended for the lay person, reports in dependable and inscrutable detail, the causes of 1 2 History of the DSM: https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm/history-of-the-dsm DSM-V-The Big Changes: https://psychcentral.com/blog/dsm-5-released-the-big-changes/ Page | 2 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 human suffering; to the degree that the Buddha In his excellent translation of the was able to reveal that certain specific actions will Abhidhamma, Theravadin Buddhist monk, lead one to experience specific forms of suffering Bhikkhu Bodhi, explains this in the introduction due a person’s kammic (karmic) imprint. of “A Comprehensive Manual of Abhidhamma3: “The Abhidhamma’s attempt to comprehend the nature of reality, contrary to that of classical science in the West, does not proceed from the standpoint of a neutral observer looking outwards towards the external world. The primary concern of the Abhidhamma is to understand the nature of experience, and thus the reality in which its focuses is conscious reality, the world as given in experience, comparing both knowledge and the known in the widest sense. For this reason, the philosophical enterprise of the Abhidhamma shades off into a phenomenological psychology. To facilitate the understanding of experienced reality, the Abhidhamma embarks upon an elaborate analysis of the mind as it presents itself to introspective meditation. It classifies consciousness into a variety of types, specifies the factors and functions of each type, correlates them with their objects and physiological bases, and shows how the different types of consciousness link up with each other and with material phenomena to constitute the ongoing process of experience. This analysis of mind is not motivated by theoretical curiosity but by the overriding practical aim of the Buddha’s teaching; the attainment of deliverance from suffering. Since the Buddha traces suffering to our tainted attitudes—a mental orientation rooted in greed, hatred, and delusion—the Abhidhamma’s phenomenological psychology also takes on the character of a psychological ethics. Understanding the term “ethics” not in the narrow sense of a code of morality but as a complete guide to noble living and mental purification.4” Many, if not most, modern-day psychologists the nature of reality. In a nutshell, this would and psychiatrists do not have what the Buddha mean that a psychologist would have to have had: the absolute truth about the nature of human experienced the very same mental disorders that experience. The Buddha taught the truth about 3 4 Comprehensive Manual of Abhidhamma: https://store.pariyatti.org/Comprehensive_Manual_of_Abhidhamma Quotation: Page 4, ¶2 & 3 (Pariyatti Edition, Buddhist Publication Society, Sri Lanka-©2000) Page | 3 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 their patients have experienced or be fully enlightened like the Buddha. The Pharaoh Sneferu rules Egypt in the First Dynastic Period; Danish tribes eat wild horses, and the Indus Valley Civilizations are just As Bhikkhu Bodhi states: beginning. Yet, in a remote corner of India, a man “…the reality in which its focuses is [sic? ‘are’] called Siddhartha Gautama, asked the same conscious reality, the world as given in experience, questions we still wonder about to this day. Who comparing both knowledge and the known in the am I? What is my purpose? Where am I going? widest sense.” Why do we die? Why do humans suffer so? With all of the technological advances and wisdom of Are we not more comfortable getting advice humankind, why do these questions remain from someone who has had the same experiences unanswered? Perhaps the answer is because we we have had? Naturally, while this may not always continue to look in the wrong places. be the case, we do feel reassured when someone The Buddha is born, just like every human can connect to us with direct knowledge and with being, experiences the same suffering as we do, an experienced-based level. but becomes determined to understand why. The Buddha’s focus was on the mind, not the After he discovers the answers, he is then referred brain. Yet, for nearly 2,600 years the Buddha’s to as the Buddha (the enlightened one), and so, teachings have never been refuted; rather, the he teaches what he has experienced for the next opposite is the case. Science is now paying 45 years. From his experiences and subsequent attention to what the Buddha had to say. teachings, scientists are just now discovering the While clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, profound truths they contain. Siddhartha alongside other mental health professionals, have Gautama’s experiences are proving to be only recently discovered the benefits of Cognitive incredibly advanced, not only in his time, but up Psychology as a major method for treating various to this day. mental disorders, such as PTSD, the Buddha was already teaching it 2,600 years ago. Can the Buddha’s Teachings Help You? To put this into perspective; the Buddha was teaching these things around 475 B.C.E. That’s In this, Part Two of this series, the focus is to nearly 500 years before Christ was said to have reveal viable ways of truly overcoming and existed. The King of Persia, Darius the Great, ridding oneself of depression using the teachings was finishing a 36-year reign. The Roman of the Buddha. Republic is in its infancy. The total world population is estimated to be a tiny 59,034,981. Page | 4 There is a caution that should be considered by those who suffer from depression: The Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 Buddha’s teachings, by themselves, will not help rounded ideas and concepts with the goal of you. In order for the teachings to have the power getting to the root of depression. You may need to rid you of your depression, you must be an to read Part II over again—perhaps even the active participant. In other words, merely reading whole series, in order to obtain a good grasp of the Buddha’s teachings or listening to recorded the causes of depression; how the Buddha’s meditation instruction will not be effective. teachings may be useful in eradicating them, and While benefits will certainly be had by merely hearing or reading the Buddha’s teachings, you provide a better perspective of not only your own life but of life in general. must practice them, even if only slowly at first. The teachings are clear and simple. But, in What is True or What to Believe? order to fully benefit from the transformational qualities of the teachings, one must practice Buddha himself cautioned people about what them. It is through one’s practice where the true teachings should be recognized as true and which value of the teachings is revealed. Through should not be recognized as true. He provided a practice, one begins to develop confidence in the clear criterion for proving the value and Buddha’s words. authenticity of his teachings. In the Kalama Sutta5, the Buddha spoke to the Try Patience Kalamas peoples and provided them with sound advice for whether one should make the decision As you read on, you may wonder what some of the subjects have to do with being depressed. to believe something and follow it or to reject it. There he said: The purpose of this series is to provide well“It is proper for you, Kalamas, to doubt, to be uncertain; uncertainty has arisen in you about what is doubtful. Come, Kalamas. Do not go upon: 5  what has been acquired by repeated hearing;  nor upon tradition;  nor upon rumor; nor upon what is in a scripture;  nor upon surmise (assumption);  nor upon an axiom (sayings/adages);  nor upon specious (erroneous/innacurate) reasoning; Kalama Sutta: https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an03/an03.065.than.html Page | 5 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020  nor upon a bias towards a notion that has been pondered over;  nor upon another's seeming ability;  nor upon the consideration, ' The monk is our teacher.' Kalamas, when you yourselves know: 'These things are bad; these things are blamable; these things are censured by the wise; undertaken and observed, these things lead to harm and ill,' abandon them. In essence, the Buddha was saying that simply have to do some research in order to know who because certain things are well-known or the ‘wise’ ones are. With anything regarding the commonly accepted, heard, traditional, written teachings, the Buddha encouraged skepticism for down in holy books, nor upon another’s the purpose of getting at the truth. “seeming” ability, does not mean they are real or In the Kalama Sutta text, the Buddha left a true. He also went a bit farther and included clue: “you yourselves know.” For now, let’s consider monks and teachers in his cautionary statement. the idea that the answer to your depression Simply because a certain individual is problems are already inside of you. They of course recognized as a monk or nun, does not mean are. When a mental health professional, such as a these are free from bad behavior, ignorance or psychiatrist or psychologist, treats a patient, aside error. See whether or not the particular teacher is from possible drug therapy, what does the doctor censured by those who are recognized as wise. Of do? course, this would mean that an individual would Page | 6 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 According to the American Psychological Association: “Psychologists consider someone's unique values, characteristics, goals and circumstances. Most commonly, they use therapy (often referred to as psychotherapy or talk therapy). There are many different styles of therapy, but the psychologist will work with the individual to identify the best approach to addresses the person’s problem and that fits the patient’s characteristics and preferences. Some common types of therapy are cognitive-behavioral.6” Basically then, Psychologists and Psychiatrists use an individual’s unique values and characteristics. According to William Berry, LMH CAP: “The belief that more control will bring more happiness creates more suffering. There are four basic goals of psychology: to describe, explain, predict, and control behavior (Coon, Mitterer, 2013). Although the goal of control is really about helping one control himself in some manner, it often leaks into the desire to control others and situations. Self-efficacy is a term that describes one’s belief that she can act to meet a challenge. The idea that one can exert control over a situation is linked to better health functioning and psychological health. The perception of control is also directly correlated with happiness, as illustrated beautifully in Rory Sutherland’s TEDx Talk, “Perspective Is Everything.” Happiness and better health functioning, both psychologically and biologically, suggests the idea that control is at least an unconscious goal in people’s lives. However, a problem may lie in the idea that the ability to control one’s actions is the same as controlling a situation. Being able to overcome a challenge is much different than controlling circumstances. The governing belief is that many issues that arise and require therapy are issues of existence: fear of death and its cohort the fear of really living, freedom and refusal to take responsibility for it, and the creation of meaning. Though it is often believed control leads to a happier life, there is evidence to suggest the opposite is true. In Eastern philosophies, the goal is to let go of control, to let things unfold, to go with the flow of the universe7.” Integrating the teachings of the Buddha has perspective other than control. This is not about nothing to do with control. You are not control, it is about change. Now, mind you, in the attempting to control anything. Rather, the Kalama Sutta, the Buddha was not giving his instruction is to understand, comprehend, and thumbs-up or approval to be unkind, overly know who and what you are from a very different 6 What Psychologists do: https://www.apa.org/topics/about-psychologists 7 William Berry: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201402/control-is-the-psychological-goal Page | 7 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 critical, and abandon Right Speech, Right The Buddha had a clear answer for these sorts of questions, which is—what do the wise ones Action, Right Intent or Right Thinking. The Kalama Sutta provides instruction that is say? Although difficult, one could approach any justly famous for its encouragement of free number of monks or nuns who are available to the inquiry; the spirit of the sutta signifies a teaching public on the Internet and ask them? fanaticism, bigotry, This might also prove to be difficult because dogmatism, and intolerance. When studying the of the sheer volume of information many well- Dhamma, known monks or nuns receive on a regular basis. that is exempt from the reader will discover the reasonableness of the Buddha’s teachings. So, what is one to do? The Buddha always encouraged careful Taking the logical step: See whether or not examination. In fact, practicing the teachings is the teachings, whether expounded on here, in inextricably and intimately bound together with articles such as this or reading the teachings examination and analysis of all things within the directly in the Suttas (sutras), actually work. individual, and externally with respect to There is no experience like first-hand impermanence. Nothing external matters when experience. If you hear or read a teaching that practicing the Dhamma. The external world only simply does not seem logical to you, then examine comes into our internal being by the eyes, ears, why it does not appear logical. It may be that it is nose, tongue, body and of course the brain not the teaching that seems illogical, rather it is through the senses and by thoughts. your perception, your beliefs, your ideas, your In our present Age, the nature of our living opinions, that are illogical. It is possible. electronic-instant-always-on environment; rapid Contemplate this thought: The Buddha was communication without question, places greater not born as a Buddha. Rather, he had to think his need and importance for the Buddha’s message way through all of the same things you do in order contained in the Kalama Sutta. to discover the truth about the nature of reality. Take myself for instance. How could anyone His enlightenment was as a result of, at least, five know whether or not the things I write about are years of intensely seeking answers. The suttas tell actually the teachings of the Buddha? Moreover, us that he started over and over and over again how could anyone know for certain whether or until he discovered the right path. not I am even putting forth the correct teachings He analyzed, he made mistakes, he suffered of the Buddha? How could anyone know whether greatly due to his own decisions, and at one stage, or not I am applying the teachings in an effective nearly died, but he was determined that he would and truthful way? be able discover the answers. How could he know that? Page | 8 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 was most important. You might say that the Buddha was the very first, true, Cognitive Psychologist. My caution to the reader is to be wary of the ego’s desire to be head of the class—top dog— most considered or intelligent. Meaning; be cautious and mindful of the ego’s use of skepticism to promote one’s beliefs and one’s point of view. Sometimes the ego will use skepticism in line with justification to promote itself, for no other reason than to be heard. Everyone wants to feel as though they are More than anything else, the Buddha focused intelligent, and everyone wants to feel as though on the mind. He did not focus on the brain. He they are right. However, grasping Right focused on the mind. The brain feeds the mind Intention prevents this. And, what is Right with every sort of incongruent nonsense Intention? imaginable—chattering, as it does, about the compassion, and most of all exposes the ego, billions of informational contributions the brain wrong views, ignorance, and misguided beliefs. It promotes lovingkindness, receives, and collects through the body’s senses. Right Intention is the microscope that is able Recording the pattern of the Buddha’s teachings to discern one intention from another—whether and his life, the Suttas prove-out that the Buddha the intention is to promote a wrong view, even if understood that it was his focus on the mind that Page | 9 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 the promoter does not realize their views are wrong and could do with some adjusting. “Right Intention can be seen as an expression of Right View. The entire transformative nature of the Dhamma arises from Right Intention. Being mindful of Right Intention brings clarity to the destructiveness of reactive thoughts, words and deeds caused by ignorance. Without Right Intention the virtuous and concentration factors of the Path cannot be developed. The ego-self has too much invested in wrong views to put all wrong views aside without the strong resolve of Right Intention. The impermanent ego-personality will not yield if wrong views are not abandoned and Right Views developed. Holding the intention to abandon all wrong views naturally brings the mind to the virtuous and concentration factors of the path.8” -John Haspel9, Author of “Becoming Buddha” Now that you have ventured this far into the and opinions to a penetrating knowledge, and journey, you will begin to understand how all comprehension resulting in wisdom. Therefore, external phenomena, by necessity, must change. the development of clear thinking, right effort, The external world is, of course, going to change all the time because, under the best right intention, right views, and right action, are your traveling companions on this journey. circumstances, it is impermanent. However, how Being able to see the external world as it really you see and understand the external world will is; being able to understand the truth about the change dramatically. The knowledge you have of nature of reality is necessary to successfully see the world will change from old perceptions— your depression for what it really is. from the knowledge of things as you believe them In order to overcome depression, you must be to be, with all of the attached opinions, ideas, and able to zero in on understanding the causes. Once theories that you have held, perhaps for many you clearly see the causes, then and only then, are years. Contemplate on how much you believe to you able to isolate and work toward seeing these be true is as a result of consensus. causes for what they really are and where they When the teachings are applied to your life you will begin to think differently; see things really come from. Mental well-being can be had by differently. Your thinking and understanding understanding the roots of depression; by transforms from a hodgepodge of unrelated ideas understanding how greed, desire, and delusion 8 9 Right Intention: https://becoming-buddha.com/eightfold-path-wisdom-virtue-concentration/ Haspel, John: https://becoming-buddha.com/john-haspel/ Page | 10 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 (not illusion) are connected. Half the battle is knowing! The Formula “Do not believe in what you have heard; do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations; do not believe in anything because it is rumored and spoken by many; do not believe merely because a written statement of some old sage is produced; do not believe in conjectures; do not believe in that as truth to which you have become attached from habit; do not believe merely the authority of your teachers and elders. After observation and analysis, when it agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and gain of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.” That’s it? First you must be able to believe that same way that the Buddha did. But, while it took the teachings can help you, and the only way in the Buddha five years to reach the state of which you are able to do that is to examine them enlightenment, we are not talking about by practicing some of them. enlightenment here. We are simply talking about Consider for yourself that although the understanding your depression. Even those who teachings seem simple, you will soon realize that do not suffer depression find that, at the putting them into practical use is not as easy as it beginning, they are restarting all the time. This is may seem at first or as easy as some claim. When, progress. and only when, the teachings agree with your Remember, you are likely changing many, reasoning, and the teachings are conducive to many years of depression, which is fueled by gaining some insight into your depression, should many, many years of accumulate wrong thinking, you move forward. This is not an overnight nor wrong perceptions, ignorance and wrong beliefs. magical process. Once you accept that the Relax. And this is no curt suggestion. Simply teachings make sense, then you can move relax. Whatever your progress, it is progress, even forward. Accept them wholeheartedly, then do if you are only able to achieve a very tiny bit at the everything in your power to live up to the start—it is progress. Eventually, you will discover teachings. that certain things will become easier, and you Yes, you will not be one hundred percent successful right from the start, neither was the Buddha. Yes, you will begin again and again, the Page | 11 will experience more of those “ah ha!” moments. Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 Position yourself in a comfortable spot, perhaps the sofa, a comfortable chair or anywhere that you know you feel comfortable. Do not close your eyes. Try This Exercise With the mind’s eye, look at your hands, your Where to From Here? legs, your feet, your arms. Just look at them without any discerning judgement, opinion or In Part One10 of this series, certain elements of depression where discussed, such as desire and the role that desire plays in depression, along with a basic discussion of how various chemicals produced by the body affect and are affected by depression. The purpose of Part One was to provide the reader with information regarding the mechanics of depression along with some insight into the teachings of the Buddha, ending with an important exercise to help the reader to see the power of directed (Vipassana) meditation. If you are relatively certain that you have accepted the information provided in Part One of this series, you are ready to move forward. Purposely schedule a time when you know that you will be. Once you have achieved this, pick a place where you will be completely free from distractions. This means turning off the cell phone, the computer, music, and the television. 10 thinking. Feel each of these parts of your body relaxing. This is your body, it is not you. It is just a body that your consciousness inhabits. All of the parts that make the ‘you’ that you believe you are, are not in this body, rather the ‘you’ is what your brain believes is you are. In reality you are your kamma (karma). Your kamma is your mind. Everything that you are is your mind, not your brain. The mind is the root of your consciousness, and it is made up of many, many, years of accumulated consciousness’. The things that you think and remember, is your brain, which holds all of the experiences and memories in what is known as the neural synapse, and most specifically, the neocortex, the hippocampus and the amygdala11, which relate to long-term memories. Other parts of the brain are responsible for shorter-term memory. The brain is a biological machine not unlike the hard drive, motherboard and processor of a computer—the central point of the memory of a computer being Why Am I So Depressed? Part One: https://www.academia.edu/41729411/Depression_Why_am_I_so_depressed?fbclid=IwAR34JBknvhjFYy7Bt1rA2P_3vaZ5M3fSJ 8QVbfWWccl-4NC7X9tPoBANy64 11 Memory storage of the brain: https://qbi.uq.edu.au/brain-basics/memory/where-are-memories-stored Page | 12 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 the hard drive, which stores all of the information processed by the computer12. This part of the science of the brain is called neuroplasticity13. Neuroplasticity is the ability of The purpose of this is to detach yourself from the brain to change its physical structure and the body’s sensations as the brain continues to function based on input from your experiences, record them. Because you are accustomed to behaviors, emotions, and even thoughts. paying close attention to the body, your brain has become wired that way. It was once believed that, except for a few specific growth periods in childhood, the brain Whenever you change your mind, not about was pretty much fixed for life. Now, we know that short-term stuff like, “I would rather have a hot this is not true. Your brain is capable of change chocolate than a coffee,” but regarding your long- until the day you die. term beliefs, opinions and actions such as longheld habits. Whenever you change a habit, the neuron that is responsible for connecting the memory with the habit is no longer used, and so no longer fires (makes a connection) with regard to your old habits (actions). Every time you change a long-held opinion, belief or habit, the brain must create a brand-new connection to facilitate this different thinking, and your subsequent decision to change your actions. This is what this exercise is doing—you are creating a new neural connection in the brain—doing something different than the way you are accustomed to do. Ultimately, this is exactly how you will change your perception about your depression. Over the last several decades, Neuroscientists have discovered that the brain is not hard-wired and has the ability to make physical changes in itself. 12 13 Neuroplasticity gained scientific validation in the latter half of the twentieth century and has far-reaching implications for almost every aspect of human life and culture from education and medicine to relationships and happiness. This morphing capability renders your brain extremely resilient, but also makes it very vulnerable to external and internal, usually unconscious, influences. To break bad habits, you really have to change your brain. When it comes to changing your behavior – and in life, in general, you’ll have more success if you make friends with your brain and How Computer Memory works: https://www.explainthatstuff.com/how-computer-memory-works.html Neuroplasticity: https://news.mit.edu/2012/understanding-how-brains-control-our-habits-1029 Page | 13 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 separate the chatter of the brain from the mind. repeated it many, many times: a bad habit causes Discovering your mind. This is what this entire you to suffer. series is about. You see, your brain forms neuronal You can change your behavior – even those connections based on what you do repeatedly in hard-to-break habits – by building alternate your life – both good and bad. Worrying about 14 pathways in your brain . every little thing; cruising online pornography, picking at your fingernails, hitting the gym, meditating, eating something sweet or loading up on carbs just before bed to raise your blood sugar to make you sleepy, and so on, never ending. ALL of your repeated habits form mental states, responses, perceptions, beliefs, ignorance, and behaviors, become neural traits16 hardwired into your brain’s neural network. Now, go back to just looking at your body. Be Patient-This takes time. When you first try to adopt a new behavior, you have to enlist your prefrontal cortex, which is the thinking part of the brain15, and insert conscious effort, intention, and thought into the process. When you’ve performed a new routine enough times for connections to be made, and strengthened in your brain, the behavior will require less effort as it becomes the default pattern. Bad habits become hard-wired into your brain as long as you continue to practice the bad habit. The same, of course, is true for good habits. How do you know if something is a bad habit or not? The answer is simple and the Buddha 14 Again, relax, and just stay where you are—be present with this moment. Now, slowly move away from looking at your body parts, and gradually choose something that particularly disturbs your happiness and always seems to cause you stress—something that you know causes you to suffer. It can be anything—although it is best to begin with something small. Let’s say you have a habit of stretching your time too thin. This causes you stress. Let your mind gently wander away with your concept of time, and you are sometimes late for work or you always seem to have to rush here or there in order to make it on time—becoming frustrated at slow drivers or the amount of traffic you encounter. What happens in the brain when habits form: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320874.php#1 Pre-Frontal Cortex: https://www.livestrong.com/article/145593-parts-of-the-brain-associated-with-thinkingskills/ 16 Changing You Behavior: https://thebestbrainpossible.com/the-neuroscience-of-changing-your-behavior/ 15 Page | 14 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 You are in the drive-through at a Starbucks your reactions. The question above is a good take-away, and the line seems to be moving so one—a good place to begin. Why does this always slowly. You get frustrated, looking at the time— seem to happen to me? impatience begins building. You want to just get Let’s focus on dissecting and pulling apart the out of line, but you cannot because of the concrete root of your anxiety, frustration and suffering. border entrance to the drive-through. So, you You have a habit of stretching your time too decide you will use the time to put on your make- thinly. Right? Why is that? Ask yourself, and up, fix your hair, text someone. allow the mind to become active. Forget that the brain is trying to butt-in. Your brain is going to chatter away no matter what. But, why does it seem as though you don’t have enough time for everything? Focus on this. Some of us might think we already know the answer and wish to abandon this insight meditation practice, which is not just applied to the teachings of the Buddha. Let’s move deeper into this question of why you believe you don’t have enough time. First of When you finally get your coffee, you are off all, is your time different than anyone else’s time? like a shot. Speeding toward the intersection so as Of course not. No one can own or manipulate to avoid the red light. You change lanes to avoid time because time is a constant of the Universe. slow traffic only to realize that the cars you So, if time is not yours to manipulate, then the wanted to avoid have now driven past you. problem cannot be time itself, can it? Sit with this If you are a person who is suffering or is prone reality for a moment. to depression, situations such as this can trigger a What factor stands between you and time that depressive state of mind. “Why does this always causes you to feel rushed and harried all the time? happen to me?” SEE your actions—your feelings, It’s you! Well, not you, specifically. Rather, it is and the results in your mind—not the brain. Pay your perception of time coupled with the attention to your emotions—take note of the perception of who you believe you are. Sit with emotional changes you are experiencing. You can this reality for a moment. tell when the brain is rudely interrupting you, Now, is perception permanent, like time? Of because you begin justifying, making excuses, course not. Perception is impermanent. Our thinking of the frustration rather than just seeing perceptions change all the time. So, why do you Page | 15 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 hang on to the perception that you can somehow that everyone else has. Sit with this reality for a manipulate time—control time? Even though moment. you may believe you can control time, what you Now, what is the root cause of all your believe to be your time, is not accurate, is it? No frustration and suffering regarding time? Is it not time is really your time. Your body and your brain who you believe yourself to be? You may not have evaluate time based on many things, such as the ever thought of it in such an absurd way, but do daylight, clocks, and comparisons, such as how you believe that you are superhuman—a timely you are able to complete tasks. superman or superwoman? impermanent Seeing ourselves as we really are is difficult at perceptions. Ask yourself, “Why do I think I can times because we do not want to accept that we control time?” are the cause of our own suffering, but it is true— These are all flexible, we are the cause of our own suffering. However, two elements are at work here. The first is desire, and the second is clinging. We desire to achieve all sorts of things, stuffed into the same time that everyone else has. We cling to the idea that we can achieve whatever we desire if we push our brains and bodies. We may even feel dissatisfied with our own performance—that our achievements are not up to par for who we believe Sit with this question for a moment. There we are. But, why should this desire be something was a clue left in the last paragraph, which is that, you need to understand? Doesn’t everyone have …perception is a part of who you believe yourself this desire, and is this a particularly bad desire? to be. But, you are not the same person you were The way in which you answer these questions when you were 12 years old, and that 12-year-old is by sitting and focusing on this chain of is not the same person you were when you were thinking. Each step during this process represents 19 either. a link in the chain of one single cause of It is not your perception of time that is the root cause of your problem. It is your perception frustration and stress. Your job, at this moment, is to identify the link and label it. of who you believe you are, and who you believe You might be thinking; “This is getting too you are believes that you can somehow frantically, complicated. I can’t keep track of my own and fanatically, push your body and your brain to thoughts and besides, where I am going with achieve more things in the same amount of time this.” Page | 16 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 to do with your frustration, stress and suffering. Also, think back to the original question: “Why does this always seem to happen to me?” It seems that way because you believe it is true. However, this believe is merely a perception, and it is not true. Now, you are at a place where perhaps you started over again with this exercise. Okay, so Hmm...nothing there. This is not uncommon. At this point, if you now you are back to the point where you begin to understand that time itself is not the cause of your problems. It is you—it is your own perception. begin experiencing this, stop, backtrack, and Consider this question for yourself: “What begin again. Don’t beat yourself up or become part of the perception I have about myself is frustrated because you do not believe this is a causing these issues?” Does this perception stem good use of time, but this is exactly the point. You from your belief that you are superhuman cannot keep track of your own thoughts. You are somehow, even though you don’t outwardly think not supposed to be keeping track of your this? Does your perception stem from the fact thinking—again, that’s the point. Let the that you try and squeeze too much into the same thoughts go. time that everyone else experiences? Either way, Grab the thought(s) when they arise, and put them inside a balloon and envision the balloon it is your perception that is at the root. Sit with this reality for a moment. floating out of sight—with your thoughts. We are Now that you have narrowed things down to so tied to, and accustomed to, listening to the your own perception, how did this perception brain, of course, not listening to your brain is come to be—how did it develop? Again, the root going to be difficult at first. of this perception comes from our desire. You might think this is an impossible thing to Ambition is desire. In order to satisfy all of our do, but it is not impossible. People have been ambitions, is it the case then that you may not be successfully doing it through meditation practice willing to confront the fact that you have for thousands of years. limitations? How badly do you really want to discover who Not being able to see who it is that we really it is that you really are? How badly do you want are is caused by many things. With regard to the to rid yourself of this daily grind of frustration, limitations of our ambitions, and not seeing stress and suffering because of your perception of them, causes us this daily battle with time ending yourself? Remember, time has not a single thing Page | 17 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 in frustration, stress, dissatisfaction with ourselves and depression. “Why can’t I be like other people?” “Why can’t he Chain of Kamma (karma) I achieve what others achieve?” You have the same amount of time as everyone else, right? So, You why can’t you achieve what you desire—what are about to approach a link in your your ambitions drive you to want to achieve. Do chain and be able to you believe that those achievements will successfully identify and ultimately lead you to happiness? What is label that link. This means happiness? Do you actually know? that you are about to discover one small element regarding the truth about the nature of reality. The nature of time is indisputable—there is a limited amount of time in a day, in each year—in each life (The limited time of an 80-year-old person is 701,280 hours of life). This is the truth about the nature of the reality of time. Doctor of Psychology, Leon Seltzer states: “At some point, we've simply got to seriously reflect upon what we most care about. Given who we are—and who we aspire to be—what is it that we most treasure? Most revere? Take most heartfelt pleasure in? Most profoundly believe in? Most wish to commit ourselves to? And so on. Doubtless, the whole notion of prioritizing is hardly anything we're unfamiliar with. But how many of us have taught ourselves to become aware—acutely aware—of what, realistically, we can achieve within a given time frame? After all, if we became really clear about what's most meaningful to us—what, that is, would best enable us to express who we are to the fullest—we should be able to "schedule" our life accordingly. And we'll almost certainly discover that there is enough time—that, in fact, there's plenty of time—to bring our hopes and ambitions, our dreams and desires, to full fruition.” “Who am I, with relation to time?” Not reality actually is—what, realistically, can be where am I—who am I, with relation to time? As achieved within a given time-frame. He speaks of Dr. Seltzer points out, people who have difficulty priorities. What are your priorities? Are your with time need to examine who they are and who priorities too many to count? Think on this for a they aspire to be. He talks about whether or not while? Perhaps your priorities are gargantuan—is you have taught yourself to be aware of what this realistic? Page | 18 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 How deeply connected are your priorities to desire and clinging to the idea that you can create to justify two simple things—your clinging and your desires. Kamma (karma) intrinsically involves time happiness using the external world? As you can see, one link leads to another, creating your chain of frustration, stress and and while we cannot control time, we can however, control our kamma, if we know how. depression. It takes time to identify all of the Some of what we experience is in direct links—sometimes a lifetime. However, you can relation to our kammic (karmic) chains—in other be absolutely certain that the links exist and they words—the proclivities we have to certain are all there—you simply need to identify them. behavior that we drag along with us in this The clarity that comes from doing an exercise like present life. For some—perhaps for many—this this is invaluable. seems like a real stretch. Former lifetimes— So, now we can see how desire is at the root really? You’ve got to be kidding? Let’s say—just cause of your frustration with time, and desire is for the sake of possibility—that the concept of the same as ambition, and you cling to the idea kamma (karma) is true? What if we actually do that this perception of time will somehow make drag along elements of previous lives that you happy. Right? Doesn’t everyone desire the influence our present behaviors? Wouldn’t you same things? Time is how everyone obtains likely cherish the opportunity to get rid of some “things”—material of your nagging habits that cause you to suffer? possessions, and the perception that this is achievement. All of this is Page | 19 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 Back to our exercise. Now, the next step is to headway. In essence, if we allow it to do so, the isolate one single thing that takes up your time. brain will lead us around like a bull with a ring in Perhaps you love to veg-out after work on its nose. Facebook or texting friends or just mindlessly surf Ever done something like this: You get home the Internet for interesting tidbits. Maybe you from work, grab something from the fridge, become focused on the recent death of a celebrity plunk down in front of the computer or or some political fracas that is happening in the television, knowing in the back of your mind that government. you don’t have clothes to wear to work for the Consider how many mindless activities cause next day, so, you think you are borrowing or you to use time frivolously. Then, all of a sudden cheating time—you say to yourself that you will you realize, oh, I have to make dinner; or oh, I get to it in a little bit—you just need to relax have to get to the store before it closes; or oh, I (justification). But, then you become distracted forgot to put the clothes in the dryer, and so on. by some interesting tidbit that you found on the Some individuals use mindless activities as a Internet or you become engrossed in something way of procrastinating. Everyone has certain on the television (grasping), paying little mundane tasks to do, like laundry, clean their attention to the time, until, alas, you realize it is houses, study for exams or give that smelly dog a too late to start the laundry now. So, you make a bath. Some of you have convinced yourself that mental note that you will get up a little earlier and you function better when you are under pressure, throw your jeans into the wash in the morning. and so this is your excuse for procrastinating. Really? Is that actually true? The alarm goes off and it is time to get up. But, feeling groggy, you hit the snooze button, Most people have simply developed habitual maybe twice. Now, it is too late to do the wash behaviors believing that they are restful, and and dry. So, you frantically rifle through your relaxing or as is likely the case, you have closet or drawers convinced yourself you need down-time just for reasonable to wear. you—in fact, you deserve it! looking for something Then you realize that you really have to get But, restful and relaxing is, more often than moving or you will be late for work, again. So, the not, mistaken for mere distraction. This form of cycle of frustration with traffic, an empty distraction is not relaxing, it is habitual behavior stomach, a long line at Starbucks, and you so you that simply keeps the brain active and being active continue the cycle of suffering and proclaim, “I is what the brain is accustomed to—and we are just don’t have enough time (clinging)!” accustomed to listening to the brain—so we Is time the culprit in this example? Of course believe we are actually making progress— not. Although this is a very simplistic, albeit Page | 20 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 common example. The elements are exactly the Eventually, your brain will re-wire itself and same for someone suffering depression. There are you will gradually be able to change your habits. pieces (links) to every chain of causes—one effect Also, the person suffering from depression may is caused by another, which is yet dependent on find it gargantuanly difficult to concentrate and something else. How important might it be to focus their brains because they are so accustomed discover and clearly understand these links? If the to listening to the endless chatter of why their life end result is that you are able to obtain a better sucks; why they can’t just be like other people or understanding of the truth about the nature of why they feel so depressed to begin with. your reality, then again, how important would it One of the critical be to spend your time skillfully in order to identify thoughts, perceptions or the things that cause you to be stressed, beliefs, frustrated, unhappy, and depressed? depressed person needs to that a severely clarify, is the identification Set Aside Time for the Purpose of Discovery of fault. “It is my parent’s fault for why I am the way I Try something different. Remember, the am?” “If my father hadn’t brain will re-wire itself when you change a habit. abused me as a child I wouldn’t be this way.” “If Rather than plunking down in front of the the circumstances of my childhood were Internet, the television or even getting lost in different, I would have a better life.” “If I hadn’t reading some interesting Buddhist literature, set seen that guy get blown up and burn in his JLTV aside the time to discover who you really are and (Joint Light Tactical Vehicle) I wouldn’t be what it is that makes you tick. While reading suffering from PTSD. I can’t stand to see people Buddhist literature, even like this article, will not suffer. That’s why I extend myself and my funds magically cause your brain to re-wire itself. Just too thinly.” Blame is a tool that depression relies don’t DO something…sit there! upon to justify who we believe we are. Initially, the person suffering from depression may not feel as though they can muster the energy A True Story of Discovery to change their habits. Keep trying. Resist the feeling of wanting to give up. As pointless as you may think all of this is, do not give up. The following is a true story17 about blame, justification, and healing. This story was told to me by a friend who actually experienced what it 17 Story derived from, live, face-to-face personal interviews with this individual, who has asked to remain anonymous. Page | 21 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 was like to understand the root causes of his boring. So, he inquired of the teacher whether he depression. Basically, as told to me, the story is as might be allowed to write about a subject of his follows: own choosing. A male baby was born to an unmarried couple The teacher asked for a list of the things he in the 1950’s. The child’s parents were forced into wanted to write about. So, thinking on the many marriage by their parents. For the most part the things that he could write about, the boy provided boy’s parents were uneducated, but intelligent a list to the teacher, to which the teacher, with a people who were laborers. bit of a chuckle, gave him permission. (Note: He The parents of this child could, of course did not know, that this baby boy brought with him a actually still has these and brought them out to show me.) lot of karmic imprints, such as intelligence, The first report that the boy presented to the creative capabilities far beyond that of the teacher was titled, “A Psychoanalytical View of parents; a sharp and curious mind that was very the Life and Works of Edgar Allen Poe.” flexible to learn, and comprehend many things at an unusually early age. As the child began to grow, his curiosity led him to all sorts of subjects, from science, to literature, art, music, languages, and much more. The parents did not understand nor could they comprehend this child’s level of intelligence nor the child’s insatiable need to discover the reasons for the world around him. At an early age (3), the child was reading very far above the skill level of other children his age. Both of this child’s parents developed a jealousy regarding their child’s abilities, but in particular the boy’s father. One indication that this child was gifted revealed itself when he was presented with the task of writing a book report for school. His teacher placed a list of subjects on the blackboard The second paper he presented after this was for her students to write about. However, this boy titled, “Communism-A Comparison of the Ideas thought that the subjects were too simple and of Karl Marx with Plymouth Plantation.” Page | 22 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 he could do a project that would qualify him for a grade in Biology rather than having to dissect frogs and earthworms. This was very unusual. Of course, the Biology teacher was curious to know what this boy had in mind. She asked him if he had a particular project in mind. He answered,” Yes. I want to prove Mendel’s Laws of Heredity.” The teacher gaped at the boy in disbelief. “And how do you propose to do that,” asked the teacher? He went on to inform her that the school’s green house was not in use, and that he was certain he could duplicate Mendel’s process; keeping a journal, just as Mendel did, and he would prove the efforts of his Then a third paper was titled, “Gothic Architecture.” work with a written report. Reluctantly, the Biology teacher agreed with three exceptions: The Housemaster would have to agree as well, which he did, and that the boy had to also create an outline of the textbook used for the class as well as take the final exam. At the end of the semester the boy produced a beautiful, extensive report, and journal, which included all of the facets of Mendel’s experiments with pea plants, along with an impressive outline of the textbook—with drawings! He scored 100% on the final exam. Shortly thereafter, the father of this child determined that his son should go to work to help support the family. At the time, there existed a When the boy reached the tenth grade and state law allowing a parent the right to remove a was required to take a Biology class, he did not child from school at the age of 16 for the purpose want to have to dissect frogs or worms, so instead, of going to work. he approached the Biology teacher and asked if Page | 23 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 Although the parents attempted this, no try, as best they can, to carry on in their adult teacher from the boy’s school would sign the lives. Eventually, the boy ran away from home release papers. However, the parent’s wishes when he was barely 17 years old, living on the overrode the teacher’s recommendations. The street, stealing food and other things he needed boy was removed from school. This was a to survive. In his mind, this was the only recourse devastating moment for this highly intelligent to survival. boy. Around the age of 17, he managed to obtain All during his growing years, from a small work and began to gain some control of his life child of two years of age, until the age of 16, the and dig himself out of living homeless father physically abused him, which included underneath a local bridge. regular beatings, frequently rendering the boy’s body with many dark bruises. At some point the father attempted to strangle the child, and in several other instances, stabbed the boy with pencils, pens and once a pitch fork used for tossing hay. The father once locked the boy into a position in order to burn the boys knuckles with a lighter. So, throughout his growing years, this boy was belittled, beaten, made fun of, undermined, locked away in his room with a jar to urinate in; locked out of his home in the dead of the New However, he continued to blame his parents England winter; not given enough to eat, and for his struggles; his father for his brutality, and subjected to slave-like work on the parent’s tiny his mother for her lack of protection from the farm. father. Additionally, the father continuously And yet, being as intelligent as he was, he pressured this boy into sports, fighting, and never stopped wondering why these things were basically, trying to fit his son into what his happening to him. He began to seek reasons for perception of what a man should be. why he felt so depressed and out of sorts all the As many psychologists and psychiatrists will time. But, little did this young man understand attest, treatment such as this from young why he was so unhappy—he couldn’t know that childhood into early adulthood, is horribly he began developing what is known as Borderline damaging, resulting in adults with PTSD who Personality Page | 24 Disorder (BPD)—a serious Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 condition, which effects the way a person thinks loneliness, but at the same time experiencing and feels about themselves and others. BPD difficulty tolerating being alone. causes problems with normal functioning in Yet inappropriate anger, impulsiveness and everyday life, which includes self-image issues, frequent mood swings may push others away, difficulty managing emotions, enormous trust even though the individual craves loving, and issues, and erratic behavior, not to mention a lasting relationships. pattern of unstable relationships. The condition usually develops in early Individual’s suffering from this conflagration, adulthood, and appears to worsen with time, but like a series of mental storms, experience intense may sometimes gradually get better with age. The fear of abandonment, interpersonal instability, specific behaviors accompanying this condition, are18:  An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection.  A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel.  Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all.  Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours.  Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship.  Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection.  Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety.  Ongoing feelings of emptiness.  Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights. 18 Borderline Personality Disorder: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personalitydisorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237 Page | 25 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 Although having above average intelligence, Recall, if you will, that at the root of his this young man found his life to be replete with condition, known as Borderline Personality intolerable suffering, misery and depression, Disorder, is the fact that it is “a serious condition, culminating in several attempts to take his own life. In his attempts to understand why he was so depressed and miserable, he sought answers from many religious sources to the extent of actually entering Catholic and Protestant monasteries, believing that a celibate holy life, focused on the life and teachings of Jesus, was the path to his ultimate happiness and a life free from depression. However, after many years of studying these organizations higher religious texts, and [which] effects the way you think and feel about participating in many programs, he ultimately yourself.” Therefore, one’s thinking is at the discovered (as he claims) that these did not center. Thinking is the element that causes us to address the root causes of his depression. In his feel one way or another about ourselves— words he stated: regardless of whether it is good or bad thinking. “I was looking for answers, answers to life…my life. Many psychologists know that abused Despite some pretty deep study, you know, learning children to read ancient Christian texts like the Septuagint comprehend that, the way they think is as a direct and I result of the abuse they suffered. Children will concluded…well, after being a part of nearly every protect their parents under the most heinous of Christian and Christian-based religion for some 30 circumstances. So, as a result, children turn in on years, well…these religions could only provide a lot of themselves. It must be they who are bad or do’s and don’ts, but nothing that actually helped me wrong, after all, mom and dad represent the to understand how life ought to be lived in order to be authority—they represent god to a child. And, happy. Now, I wished that I had bumped into like a domesticated animal, who will love its Buddhism much sooner. But, then, I suppose my owner unconditionally, because it receives its food experience wouldn’t have been as valuable as it is. from its owner, a child’s simplistic reasoning does Everything has a proper perspective in Buddhism. I the same thing. A beaten and abused dog may still learned that much anyway <laughing>.” wag its tail when presented with food. the Page | 26 Masoretic texts of the Bible, do not always understand or Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 This young man spent many years in However, one day he discovered a book various forms of psychological therapy, taking written by the eminent psychologist Alice Miller. every drug that was prescribed. On two occasions The book was titled, “Prisoners of Childhood: this young man was hospitalized in psychiatric The Drama of the Gifted Child.” hospitals because he was unable to manage his He read and re-read that book so many times depression or the behavior he exhibited due to his he wore out the binding. He highlighted all the childhood trauma. At one point he needed to be passages he felt really addressed some of his flown via a Life-Flight helicopter to a nearby issues. hospital after purposely overdosing on a He realized that he was not reading about barbiturate in order to end his life. Later, after definitions of psychological conditions or other regaining consciousness in the hospital Intensive psycho-babble (as he stated), he read things that Care Unit, he was informed that he was literally reached into the very core of his being. within minutes of dying as his heart was barely beating. He began to understand and comprehend some things he believed about himself. He then went on to purchase everything that Alice Miller had written. Page | 27 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 Still, this young man, now entering early perception. As an adult, he could decide to middle-age, and although having learned to discover for himself what the right decisions control the effects of his PTSD, and with less were—but how? assistance from medication, still felt as though he had not been successful in finding all the answers Enter the Buddha to satisfy him. He described walking around feeling as though there was a big hole in him. He One day, this now near middle-aged man, expressed sorrow and anger that so much of his laying on a doctor’s bed, receiving TENS therapy life had been wasted spent playing catch-up. in a physical therapist’s office, began to pay Experiencing that he always felt as attention something playing in the background. though he were one step behind others, in terms The voice was that of a woman, particularly the of understanding—his financial and material voice of a Buddhist nun19. achievements—left him with wondering whether there was something wrong with him. Pema Chodron was talking about the teachings of the Buddha. As he listened, he began Additionally, big questions began haunting him. Why was he here? What was the purpose of his life? Did he have some purpose? Where am I going? Why do we die, and what happens after we die? Of course, everyone asks these same questions, but for this man, ignoring the answers was not reasonable. Reading some of these books by Alice Miller, caused this young man to experience anger. But, why? He didn’t want to accept responsibility for the decisions he made in his life. He felt more at ease blaming his parents. If his parents weren’t responsible, who was? He didn’t know the right things to do because to realize how much sense the woman’s words made. He listened more intently and felt a kind of awakening begin to happen in his mind. Later, when he was about to leave the physician’s facility, he asked the doctor who it was that he had been listening to while receiving therapy. his parents gave him no direction—that was his 19 Getting Unstuck, by Pema Chodron (Only available in Audio CD): https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159179238X/ref=as_li_ss_sm_fb_us_asin_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=213733&creative=399837& creativeASIN=159179238X&linkCode=shr&tag=prannacenter20&linkId=VGNBK643SGJ7KFX2&keywords=pema+chodron&qid=1567612001&s=books&sr=124&fbclid=IwAR32ifhiAFqOJjV258N4hm6GmwqZZB5FtdQeAkX-7Wrv2L0ZXyAaXb4Fb5k Page | 28 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 Before heading home, he instead immediately found himself beginning to desire a deeper drove to the nearest Barnes & Noble Book Store purpose in connection with the Buddhist to see if this recording was available. Not only did teachings. He decided that his purpose was to he find the recording he heard in the doctor’s enter a Buddhist monastery in order to take his office, there were many more, and not only from vows and become a monk. He considered that, this one Buddhist nun, but many other Buddhist since the Buddha’s teachings were the only teachers. reliable answers he had ever found, then he He realized how little he knew about Buddhism and admitted to himself that his wanted to become an integral part of those who practiced and taught such things. perception of what Buddhism was, had been Alas, the truth about the nature of reality distorted by the dogma and doctrine of years of poked its head out, reminding him of his age, and Catholic and Protestant teachings. his age-related health limitations. He understood The only exposure he had had with anything close to Buddhism was the big fat happy guy that his physical condition would definitely be a burden on any monastery that he might enter. depicted in statues at Chinese restaurants20. The The central point of this man’s story is that, more he read and listened, the more elated he despite years of mental-health therapy, and the became—but he wasn’t altogether certain why. disheartening diagnosis of Borderline Personality The things he heard made sense to him21, Disorder, this individual was able to find his way again, not fully comprehending why they seemed out of the mire of the effects of his abuse during to make sense. childhood through the teachings of the Buddha. Along with this elation, he realized, was a It was through determination to know the deep sense that his ideas—his concepts about the truth, that caused him to diligently pursue the world—about life, was not exactly correct. teachings. It was determination and gratitude However, a part of him did not believe he that led him to practice Vipassana (Insight) deserved to be happy so, he desperately struggled meditation. And, it was this practice that showed with his depression while attempting to put the him how to identify the links in the chain that Buddha’s teachings into practice. represented his thinking—his beliefs—his Fast forward, and nearing the end of his opinions, and yes, his perceptions, providing clear middle years, he had studied and practiced some understanding of the real meaning and value of very deep levels of the Buddha’s teachings. He true happiness. He stated to me that happiness, 20 Hotai: Sometimes referred to as the “Laughing Buddha” is not the Buddha. The statue is Hotei who symbolizes prosperity and happiness. Hotai (also known as Buddai in China, which causes confusion to Westerners) is a Chinese folkloric deity. His name means "Cloth Sack" and comes from the bag that he is usually depicted as carrying. The bag contains small presents including candy for children as children were viewed as a source of joy to the Chinese. 21 Kalama Sutta: https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an03/an03.065.than.html Page | 29 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 to him, was knowing the truth—and in three Perhaps you see something of yourself within words he summed up happiness as “peace of his journey. Suffice-it-to-say, his story represents mind.” the reality of living with depression, and I asked him what it was that he considered discovering for himself, that he alone had the peace of mind to be. His reply was; “Knowing the ability to heal himself with right thinking, right truth about the nature of reality.” intention, and right action. He explained to me how he was able to slowly As of this writing, this man takes no drugs uncover the root causes of his depression using related to his former diagnosis of Borderline the Buddha’s teachings. He is forever grateful for Personality Disorder nor does he take any the opportunity to literally, bump into the medication for depression. However, I caution teachings. that this is by no means a recommended action. Now, he lives a much different life than he This man spent decades examining his condition once did. He considers that his PTSD and in relation to the Buddha’s teachings. If you are Borderline Personality Disorder are things of the on medication, keep taking it. If you are diligent past. In fact, he stated: in practicing the teachings, you will know when “It hardly seems like any of that—you know—my the time is right to stop. past, was real. It’s kind of like a dream. Yeah, a pretty Perhaps you may benefit from considering this bad dream. But, you know, I am living proof that the man’s path toward an understanding of your own Buddha’s teachings are real, and they actually work.” depression. What do you think? Is it worth a try? Page | 30 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 Would getting rid of your depression or at least The symptoms of any kind of major trauma, managing it better than you have, be a good particularly that of trauma experienced during enough reason to pursue the teachings of the childhood, can last a lifetime. Buddha a bit farther? Perception: The Trickster Consider this: Simply because we look into a mirror and believe we see an adult, does not mean that the things we experienced as a child somehow magically disappeared. Rather, it is this early childhood education (some may call it indoctrination), and experiences, which cause us to formulate our choices, opinions, perceptions and emotional well-being later in life. children emotionally, sometimes because of a For most people, they see their childhood for parents’ abuse of drugs or alcohol. Some parents what it was, because they may not have abdicate their responsibility to their children, experienced severe trauma, and so are able to put- causing the child to basically grow up by the seat aside some of the more common unpleasantries of their pants without much help from the parent. things they experienced as children—perhaps Children are particularly and acutely aware chalking it up to simply childhood, ignorant and when they experience the feeling of not being inexperienced perception. wanted or loved—they just do not know how to Every single thing that is considered to relate comprehend it with words or ideas—rather, it is to childhood trauma is what? They are reactions. all emotional, and children do not have the Again, life is not how well you live it, rather, it is capacity to understand or reason with these kinds measured by how well we react to what life brings of emotions. our way. So, as was mentioned earlier, the child often However, for those children who experienced times turns their emotions in onto themselves— severe, nearly war-like trauma, their perceptions, they are the cause of their parent’s behavior— thinking, values, choices, and behavior, are somehow it is they who believe are bad, and so in severely distorted for the remainder of their lives. some distorted way, believe they do not deserve Childhood trauma is not limited to physical or sexual abuse either. Many parents abandon their Page | 31 the love or attention from their parents. This is Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 highly destructive for the mental well-being of a love for himself, and self-compassion, knowing child, and will carry well into their adult years. that his parents were hopelessly ignorant of the Upon learning of the effects of childhood trauma, many people fairly rush at the hand they had in his development of PTSD and BPD. opportunity to blame someone—most likely their Now, you may have some idea of the source of parents. But, while yes, it is true that the behavior your depression, is it reality that you can no and actions of an abusive parent is directly related longer continue blaming others or blaming to the cause—once the cause of the suffering is circumstances? Ii is time to look in another identified, as the Buddha taught, the next step is direction. Although you may not know which to eliminate the cause of the suffering. What!? direction it is that you should go, you are reading Does that mean you must eliminate your this aren’t you? This is a good indication that you parents? Of course not. However, as the man have, at least, some idea of where you need to look mentioned in the aforementioned interview said, and how you need to proceed. he clearly understood that continued exposure to The goal is to discover who it is that you really his parents, and in particular his father’s vile are. Part of that goal is to allow yourself to verbal abuse, was not conducive to his efforts to experience new ideas and new feelings, even if heal or practice Buddhism. He therefore, decided they seem scary, shaky or worrisome. The end of that it was in the best interests of his own health any journey, no matter what or where, begins to sever his relationship with his parents, who with the first step. The first step is a determined eventually divorced, and are now living far away attitude—a change of attitude and perspective— from him. In one of her books, my interviewee small and shaky though it may seem, muster what mentioned that Alice Miller had said: “Who said you can, and take the first step. you have to forgive?” Remember the picture below from Part One While this man’s mother was not directly of this series labeled, “The First Step—Setting responsible for physically abusing this man as a the Stage?” In that section appeared a simple set child, she simply abdicated her responsibility to of instructions: protect her children—pretending, as it were, that the abuse didn’t exist, claiming that there was nothing she could do—that she had tried to, “save you from your father.” This man explained to me that he did not make the decision to sever relations with his parents out of anger. Rather, he said it was out of Page | 32 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 “Acknowledging where you are: Take a piece of paper, write down all the things that you believe are the cause of your depression. It does not matter whether you think they are too small to include on your list; include them. If you cannot think of anything that is the cause for your depression, this is great news! Why? Because people who consider that their depression is caused by certain external factors have more work to do.” If you have not already done so, write down a The most successful example of this few things or even just one thing, that you believe integration of Buddhism with psychology, which is the cause of your depression. Maybe you believe has achieved world-wide acceptance, is the you are worthless—your life is worthless—but pioneering work of psychology researcher, this is not really true, is it? Write it down, and Marsha M. Linehan22, who is responsible for own it. developing what is known as Dialectical Behavior In the context of what the Buddha taught, it Therapy23. is our job—our responsibility—to discover who it The system that Linehan developed, in part, is we really are, and to actively pursue the things comes directly from the concepts taught by the we believe cause our suffering. This is the true Buddha, and is considered the third wave of meaning of life. modern Cognitive Psychology24. Therefore, next in this article, the focus will switch to something that could be described as Cognitive Psychology. It is interesting that many of today’s Cognitive Psychologists appear to be mirroring the teachings of the Buddha, although this fact is not usually admitted nor published. The Cognitive approach to Psychology focuses on people’s beliefs rather than their behavior. Why? Because, it is believed that one’s behavior is directly linked to what it is that you believe. 22 Marsha M. Linehan-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marsha_M._Linehan Dialextical Behavior Therapy- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy 24 Third Wave of CBT- https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-third-wave-of-cbt/ 23 Page | 33 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 “Linehan’s first core insight was to recognize that the chronically suicidal patients she studied had been raised in profoundly invalidating environments, and, therefore, required a climate of lovingkindness and somewhat unconditional acceptance (Buddhist Monk Thích Nhất Hạnh's neutral approach), in which to develop a successful therapeutic alliance. Her second insight involved the need for a commensurate commitment from patients, who needed to be willing to accept their dire level of emotional dysfunction. DBT strives to have the patient view the therapist as an ally rather than an adversary in the treatment of psychological issues. Accordingly, the therapist aims to accept and validate the client's feelings at any given time, while, nonetheless, informing the client that some feelings and behaviors are maladaptive, and showing them better alternatives. DBT focuses on the client acquiring new skills and changing their behaviors, with the ultimate goal of achieving a "life worth living", as defined by the patient.25” In the viewpoint of Cognitive Psychologists, The Buddha’s Psychology – The Abhidhamma depression results from a systematic negative bias in an individual’s thinking processes. Emotional, Now, we return to the Abhidhamma26, the behavioral (and possibly physical) symptoms, most intricate, superlative instruction that the result from cognitive abnormality, which means Buddha gave27. How did Siddhartha Gautama abnormal thinking. This means that depressed come by this knowledge? He meditated deeply on patients think differently than clinically normal the causes of suffering and how these are linked people. The cognitive approach also assumes to the things we believe about ourselves and the changes in thinking precede (i.e. come before) the world around us. In other words—he did not onset of depressed mood, such as is the case with receive his clarity of understanding from some child abuse. god-like source or from some mysterious ritual or Changes in thinking do not necessarily have even from intense study or formal education. No, to be current, they can be thinking that was he discovered it within himself—it was already developed long ago, but have taken a long time to there—he merely needed to uncover the truth gestate, revealing the effects of the original cause. about This is very common is severe cases of child humankind’s inventions and accepted consensus. the nature of reality apart from abuse, and again child abuse is not always physical, but can be emotional as well. 25 DBT (Dialectic Behavior Therapy): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy Abhidhamma: Bhikkhu Bodhi (Pariyatti Edition, Buddhist Publication Society, Sri Lanka-©2000) 27 Bhikkhu Bodi: Commentary on the Abhidhamma- https://accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/bodhi/abhiman.html 26 Page | 34 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 The results of his efforts have captured and depth of the Buddha’s wisdom can be understood enraptured human beings for centuries. And, by contemplating the titles of each section of the believe it or not, the Abhidhamma is a complete Abhidhamma. disclosure of the true nature of the human mind. The first chapter is the “Compendium of It is for this reason that in the Theravada Consciousness.” The second is the “The tradition, the Abhidhamma is considered the Compendium of Mental Factors.” The third crown jewel of the Buddha’s teachings. It reveals, chapter expands on the first two and is titled, in the most perfect expression, the incredible “The Compendium of the Miscellaneous,” which depth of knowledge of the Buddha (sabbannuta- classifies the types of consciousness, literally and nana28). within the scope of external variables. Chapter Basically, the Abhidhamma encapsulates the Four tackles the nature of cognitive processes. philosophy, Chapter Five examines the free-flow process of psychology, and supports the truth about the cognition. Chapter Six; the “Compendium of nature of reality. Matter,” examines the material world in relation entire corpus of Buddhist Our familiar world of material objects and to mental processes. Chapter Seven, titled: persons is a conceptual construct fashioned by the “Compendium of Categories,” arranges ultimate brain from raw data provided by sensory input, realities into categorical schemes. Chapter Eight; which references are merely a consensual reality the, “Compendium of Conditionality,” examines derived from the different levels of brain thinking the inter-relatedness of physical and mental (cognition). phenomena. Chapter Nine, is the final chapter, The clarity of the Abhidhamma unfolds titled: “Compendium of Meditation Subjects.” without considering either the readers’ cognitive abilities, and makes no concessions with regard to From the Top pragmatic requirements found in Western science. It is for this reason that the Abhidhamma Chapter One of the Abhidhamma concerns method of teaching is described as nippariyaya- cognition, which in the Pali language is known as dhammadesana, which means a literal and citta. The root of this word is citi, which means to unadorned discourse of the dhamma. “cognize” or “to know.” Citta, is that which The first three chapters of the Abhidhamma cognizes an object, whatever that object might be. are mainly concerned with the structure of Now, this is not to be confused with the act of consciousness. A point of note: To appreciate the seeing objects. Cognizing29 an object means that 28 Sabbannuta-nana: https://www.wisdomlib.org/definition/sabbannuta Cognize: verb (used with object), cog·nized, cog·niz·ing. to perceive; become conscious of; know. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/cognize 29 Page | 35 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 not only do you see the object, you understand it, and be aware of objects. However, as Bhikkhu and know it, from some prior source. Bodhi explains; There is a story about the native Indians of “Citta is fundamentally an activity or process of South America, that when Columbus’ ships first cognizing or knowing an object. It is not an agent or appeared off shore, the Indians could not see the instrument.” ships because they had never seen anything like In other words, citta should not be confused them before, and could not comprehend what it with mind or anything like a soul nor anything was they were seeing. They had no prior that would indicate a separate entity or thing. understanding of a boat as large as Columbus’ Citta is an activity, a process if you will. This is shops. They had no word, no label, no made clear for the purpose of refuting those who understanding that these were boats, just like are inclined to believe in a permanent self or ego their own boats, just much larger. They believed as the instrument responsible for cognition. that these were some representations of gods. In Cognition, in-and-of-itself, is impermanent, fact, when Columbus disembarked onto the marked by rising and falling away of thoughts shore, the Indians thought that Columbus’ party created by shifting external sources. were gods! So, what did they likely see? Perhaps they only thought they were seeing a vision, like Conclusion of Part 2 - Introduction to Part 3 a dream or some sort of illusion caused by the sun and air. If I were to go on about the specific parts of In our modern world of CGI and special the Abhidhamma and how they relate to effects, humans can create the most unimaginable understanding the mental processes behind things, literally leaving little to the imagination. depression, Part 2 would stretch on for another So, it is not surprising that we could hardly think 30 pages. of any object that we could not understand or cognize. I am trying to remain mindful that much of this information, being new to most, is also not The reason that consciousness is addressed an easy read. There is only one way in which first in the Abhidhamma is for the simple fact anyone can understand the workings of the brain that the focus of the Buddha’s analysis of reality in order to grasp the whole meaning of the is “experience.” Consciousness is the principle Buddha’s teachings with respect to unhealthy element of experience. Without consciousness mental states, and this is by thoroughly there would be no experience, and it is experience examining how mental states function according that causes us to know/comprehend/understand to the Buddha’s teachings in the Abhidhamma. Page | 36 Why Am I So Depressed-Part II Depabhasadhamma – March 2020 My attempt to compress the Abhidhamma to relation to understanding depression. After it’s most important and clear points is a daunting reading the Abhidhamma, several times, I find exercise that requires a lot of contemplation and that I always discover new things. My efforts meditation. However, it is my firm belief that the remind just how limited the human brain can be, Buddha did in fact have the answers to the most that much of my efforts to understand the perplexing of mental difficulties. Abhidhamma is directly related to meditation I leave you, the reader, with the most and quietude. important part of the Abhidhamma, which is the My attempts to simplify some of the meanings basis for the rest of its contents and this is citta— of the Abhidhamma, in relation to depression, cognition (thinking). For it is the nature of the requires a careful examination of the text and the human brain to think (to cognize). However, how context of certain Pali words. we recognize and understand what we do, is by Hopefully, Part 2 has provided a wider vista of no means a guarantee that our thinking is correct the teachings of the Buddha. For many, long- or that our perceptions are true. term depression did not happen overnight, and is In Part 3 of this series, I will delve more deeply not likely to disappear overnight. into the elements of the Abhidhamma and how Perhaps a review of Part One might help the these relate to the processes of cognition reader with the stream of direction that I am (thinking). In Part 3, I delve into how the attempting to follow. I have endeavored to Abhidhamma dissects each mental function, its simplify this subject as best I can. Hopefully, with origins, and its effects, one-by-one. While some care, the next Part of this series will yet begin of this information may seem intellectual, the putting together the pieces of the puzzle that we reader is advised to read slowly and contemplate call depression. what it is the Abhidhamma is stating. Many of the World’s most celebrated and learned bhikkhus (monks) and bhikkhunis (nuns), have labored for decades to understand the Abhidhamma. Understanding the words, intellectually, is not an issue. However, grasping the depth of meaning of the Abhidhamma is another story altogether. It is for this reason that I have sort of tip-toed to this point, being cautious about how I approach the information in the Abhidhamma in Page | 37