los angeles
JOURNAL
july 2005
Vol.3
A
Vandal's
Vision
Joe Escalante' on the
State of Punk Rock
also:
in bl a ck a n d whit e
wit h Le wis Bl a ck
Out sour cing:
How t o Buil d a Bombay Smar t bomb
ALSO:
An Eye on Pinoy
Upcoming novellas
New Beverly Cinema
Finding Film Fun....Again
Young Ca sua l Sex
gone sa va gel y wr ong.
letters
www.anysoldier.com....your new willing audience.
from the editor:
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table of contents
art page
open letters
4
5
around town
QJFDFT GSPN ZPVS -"
Young Casual
6
Sex Gone
Wrong
features
PAGE
8
CZ 3PCFSU /FCFM
One of the breakout comics of "The
Daily Show" speaks out on his latest
tour. A unique brand of Black humor.
7
Feelin' the
Squeeze
PAGE
9
fellow man
XIBU ZPVS OFJHICPShT CFFO VQ UP
Wild About Denial
13
But Is It Contagious
14
Lewis Black:
In Black and White
Outsourcing
CZ #BSBCSB 8IJUF
Take the first flight to Bombay and start
showing Ramar the ropes. How India
outsourcing is trapping the rat race.
Cover Story:
globetrotting
A Vandal's Vision
"SPVOE UIF XPSME JO UXFOUZ NJOVUFT
Da Struggle
Kontinues
My Life in Israel
fiction folio
15
16
17
0VS GBWPSJUF DSFBUJWF PVUMFU 'FBUVSJOH
QPFUSZ BOE TIPSU TUPSJFT
entertainment
CZ "WFMJOB 4FFMFZ
PAGE
10
Taking in the film
and music biz with
punk veteran Joe
Escalante.
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literature:
A Syndrome of Smilie and Metaphor
Authority Inisight: An Eye on Pinoy
art:
Gallery Walking: Highland Park
film:
Venue: New Beverley Cinema
music:
Antidote for File Sharing
This Month In Music
listings
21
22
24
25
26
28
30
wanna writ e?wanna draw?
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art
humor in ink..
comic page
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4
! Journal july vol. 3
Los Angeles
open listings
letters
Fondly remembering the pigskin....
Only a matter of time before the
football question would rear its head
in print. A frustrated fan sounds off...
%!1 /2 .'%,%2
The L.A. Sports Scene
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By STEPHEN McFADDEN
Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
5
around town
Young CasUal sex
Sex in the City...Socal style.
gone savagely wrong
the behavior in the real L.a. zoo
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:=>F;4364 5>A <D27 !JE4 6A>F= C8A43 >5 C74B4
C7>D67CB >3JB <4A2H >= C74 BF8=4 1;8=3;H 8=542C8=6
C748A H>D=6 0=3 4064A ?44AB +74 F40C74A 8B BC8;;
ADC7;4BB 0=3 C74 BD= 8B 10A4;H BC0AC8=6 8CB A418AC7 !CJB
C8<4 5>A C74 A0E4= C> 5;0? C74B4 F8=6B 0=3 64C C74 74;;
>DC >5 3>364 %H F44:4=3 70B 144= B70:4= 1H C78B
2AD34 7018C0C >5 C0BC4;4BB B4G 7D=C8=6 !CJB C8<4 5>A
B><4 6>>3 AD< 0=3 20;< 140274B
Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
7
An Interview with Lewis Black
It wouldbeanunderstatement tosaythat "TheDailyShowwithJonStewart"correspondent LewisBlackisangry.Hiscurrent tomefromSimonSpotlight Entertainment titled"Nothing's Sacred"isa
testament tothat characterization.Beyondtheboldhumor isadown-to-earthgentlemanwhosimplytellsit likeit is.
Whether it ispharmacistsrefusingtofillbirthcontrolprescriptionsor LAtrafficandsmog,Blackhashisownset ofopinionsonthesesubjectsbecauseheseesthe
worldthroughhisspecialprism. Eventhoughhehasbeeninshowbusinessfor years,the57-year-oldcomedianiscurrentlyexperiencingthepeakofhiscareer and
thereseemstobenoendinsight. Asheplaystosellout crowdsandcontinuestobringthehousedownon"TheDailyShow,"Blackisalsobuildinguponhisfilm
resumewithanappearanceinthenewB.D.Wongfilm"SocialGrace."
BlackrecentlyspokewithLosAngelesJournalcontributor Robert J.Nebel duringhisstand-uptour.
" > >995 + A236/ 09< C9? >9 038. C9?< 1<99@/ += +
-97/.3+8 *9? ./=-<3,/ =/@/<+6 =>9<3/= A2/</ 89 98/ A+=
:+C381 +>>/8>398 >9 C9? 38 =7+66 -6?,= (2/8 .3. C9? 23>
C9?< =><3./
%2/ 03<=> ,</+5>2<9?12 2+::/8/. A2/8 A+= A9<5381
-6?,= 38 /A *9<5 +8. =>+<>/. >9 031?</ 3> +66 9?> %2/8
23> >2/ <9+. +8. >2381= =>+<>/. >9 2+::/8 > =//7/. 635/ 3>
A9?6. >+5/ 09</@/< >9 1/> 3> +66 .9A8
" (+=
./+.638/
3> >9?12 A<3>381 >2/ ,995 >9 1/> 3> 38 98
> A+= >9?12 ,/-+?=/ A+= 98 >9?< A+= </+66C
A<3>381 3> 98 + ,?= (/ A/</ 98 + >9?< ,?= 19381 -3>C >9
-3>C A9?6. .9 + =29A 2+81 9?> +8. A+5/ ?: >2/ 8/B>
79<8381 2+@/ + -?: 90 -900// +8. =>+<> A<3>381
" :38398= +,9?> >2/ -?<</8> =>+>/ 90 9?< /8/<1C
=?::6C
635/ 29A A/ +</ >96. >2+> A/ +</ 19381 >9 A+< A3>2 +
-9?8><C >2+> 2+= 936 +8. >2+> >23= A366 7+5/ 09< ?= 38 >/<7=
90 936 %2/ :<3-/ 2+= .98/ 89>2381 ,?> 19 ?: =38-/ A/
2+@/ 198/ 38 >9 0312> >2/</ +6=9 038. 3> :2/897/8+6 >2+>
>2/C ./-3./. A/ A/</ 19381 >9 6+=5+ >9 .31 09< 936
%2/ 936 -97:+83/= .98E> A+8> >9 .31 >2/</ 0 >2/C .3.
.<366 >2/C A9?6.8E> 1/> /89?12 >9 7+5/ + ./8> 38 3> !?>
>2/ >37/ +8. /8/<1C 38>9 -97381 ?: A3>2 +8 +6>/<8+>3@/
/8/<1C :6+8 C9? 0?-5381 3.39>= (/ A+8>/. >9 1/> >9 >2/
7998 A/ 19> >9 >2/ 7998 %23= 3= /+=3/< >2+8 1/>>381 >9
>2/ 7998 97/ ?: A3>2 +8 /8138/ >2+> ?=/= 6/== 1+= >E=
89> ,<+38 =?<1/<C %2/C +</ 9?> 90 >2/3< 0?-5381 738.=
" ?> +--9<.381 >9 6+=5+ :963>3-3+8= 635/ $/8+>9< %/.
!/9:6/ +</8E> 19381 >9 -2+81/ >2/3< 2+,3>= +C,/ 30 3> 1/>=
>9 + 1+6698 3> 7312> 1/> :/9:6/ >9 =>+<> >2385381 +,9?>
>23= =>?00 &=/. >9 ,/ >2+> + 1?C +> >2/ 1+= =>+>398 A9?6. 19 ?:
>9 >2/ =318 +8. -2+81/ >2/ 8?7,/<= /@/<C 9>2/< 798>2 A2/8
:<3-/= A9?6. -2+81/ 9A >2/C 5//: >2/ 1?C ?: >2/</ +8. >2/C
>2<9A 8?7,/<= +> 237 / 3= 89A ?: >2/</ 6981/< >2+8 +@3.
6+38/ A+= ?:
" *9? A/</ >2/</ 38 >2/
= +8. = A2/8 >2/ -9?8><C A+=
/7,<936/. 38 '3/>8+7 9 C9? =// =>?./8>= >9.+C A29 +</ 4?=>
+= :+==398+>/
%2/C 2+@/ >2/7 38 + .9?,6/ ,38. 3.= +</ -+?12> ,/>A//8
(/66 3= 3> ,/>>/< A3>29?> $+..+7 ?==/38 +8. 995 +> 29A
1</+> /79-<+-C 3= 89A 98/=>6C 3> +66 6995= </+66C 199. 98
:+:/< ,?> 38 </+63>C A/ .98E> 589A A2+> +8C 90 >23= 7/+8> 8
9<./< 09< 53.= >9 ,/ 79</ :<9+->3@/ 38 :<9>/=>381 >23= A+< >2/C
8//. 6/+./<=23: +> >2/ >9: A29 3= 38>/</=>/. 38 =>9::381 >23=
A+< +8. >2/C +</ 89> %2/ 53.= +</ 19381 >9 <+66C ,/238. A2+>
> >23= :938> +8. >37/ A2/8 >2/ /-9897C 3= >2/ A+C 3> 3= >2/C
+</ A98./<381 30 >2/C +</ 19381 >9 2+@/ >9 19 >9 97,+C >9 1/>
+ 49,
" 9A +</ C9? .9381 98 >23= =>+8.?:,995 >9?<
>E= + ,3> 79</ 1<?/6381 ,/-+?=/ E7 .9381 >2/=/ ,995
=318381= 8-/ C9? A<3>/ >2/ ,995 C9? 19> >9 =/66 3> E7 =>366
89> -988/->/. >9 >2/ 0+-> >2+> A<9>/ + ,995 +8. E7 =318381
-9:3/= 90 3> >E= 635/ + .</+7
" */= +8. >2/ -9@/< >9 C9?< ,995 6995= 635/ 3> 3= =2-<90>
+::<9@/.
E7 =?</ >2/C 635/ 3>
" 8 E9>2381E= $+-</.E C9? .9 89> >/66 ?= 29A C9? 19> 98
$>/@/8= >2/ (# :6+8 A366 -</+>/ 49,=
%2/ +36C $29A
*/+2 /B+->6C 3> -</+>/= 49,= ,/-+?=/ A2+> /6=/ A366
>2/C .9 ?: >2/</ 2+=/ +<3,9? +<9?8.
*/= >2+> 3= 38 >2/ 8/B> ,995 +8. 3> A366 2+@/ 79</ :3->?</=
"
(2+> -+8 A/ .9 += 7/<3-+8= >9 2/6: A3>2 >23=
.36/77+ $29?6. A/ .<3@/ 79</ 2C,<3. @/23-6/= 9< 1/>
>2/ =9--/< 797= 9?> 90 >2/3< $&'=
E66 +6=9 2+@/ 7/8?= 23126312>/. A3>2 >2/ 099. >2+> +>/ 19>
98 %2/ +36C $29A ,/-+?=/ 3D (38=>/+. A29 ,+=3-+66C
=>+<>/. 3< 7/<3-+ +=5/. 7/ >9 .9 >2/ =29A 0<97 >2/ @/<C
,/1388381 $>/@/8 96,/<> +8. 2+@/ ,//8 >2/</ >2/ 6981/=>
" 9A .9/= 3> 0//6 >9 2+@/ >2+>
=/-98. !/+,9.C A+<.
> 0//6= 1</+> .98E> 1/> +
!/+,9.C 1/> + -900// 7?1 >2+>
=+C= !/+,9.C 98 3>
:9==3,6C =+C >E= 38=?6>381 >9 >2/ & +8. >9 >2/ 7/<3-+8 :/9:6/ *9? >/66 >2/
</=> 90 >2/ A9<6. >2+> C9? A+8> >9 A9<5 A3>2 >2/7 +8. C9? =/8. >23= 1?C (2C
.98E> C9? ><C >9 7+5/ 3> A9<5 (/ 63@/ 38 + A9<6. A2/</ >23= 3= >2/ 98/ :6+-/
A2/</ C9? -+8 =3> .9A8 A3>2 /@/<C,9.C +8. 38=>/+. 90 ,+.79?>2381 3> +66 >2/
>37/ ><C >9 7+5/ 3> A9<5 (/ .98E> 13@/ 3> 798/C +8CA+C +8. A/ :3== +66 9@/<
3>
"
> A+= 38-</.3,6/ >2+> $/8+>9< /67= @3=3>/. >2/ & +> >2/ /8. 90 23=
>/8?</ +8. /@/8 =?::9<>/. /009<>= >9 0312> $ %23= A+= + ,3> 635/ /9<1/
(+66+-/ 98 23= ./+>2 ,/.
/ >29?12> 2/ 2+. + 69>
*/= 3>E= 635/
" 9A .9 C9? 0//6 +,9?> -9<:9<+>/ 8/A= >9.+C
) /A= 3= 4?=> >/66381 /@/<C98/ >2+> /@/<C>2381 3=
%2/ !9:/E= .C381 .98E> A9<<C 2/E66 ,/ ,+-5 %9 >2/7
3>E= 635/ /@/<C>2381 3= 038/ *9? 589A 7/8 .3/. 38 <+;
>9.+C .98E>E =A/+> 3> (/ +</ <312> 98 >+<1/> !+<> 90 >2/
</+=98 %2/ +36C $29A 3= =?-2 + =?--/== 3= >2+> 89 98/ 3=
.9381 8/A= +8C79</ $?../86C A/ 6995 635/ 8/A= +8. A/
+</ 89> 8/A=
" <// =://-2 2+= ,//8 ?8./< +==+?6> >2/=/ .+C= 0<97
-98=/<@+>3@/= A29 =+C >2+> ?=>/< =29?6. 89> @3=3> + 6/=,3+8
0+<7 >9 $:981/ 9, ,/381 1+C (2+> -+8 A/ .9 >9 1+38 9?<
0<// =://-2 <312>= ,+-5 A3>29?> ,/381 ?8./< +>>+-5
.98E> 1/> A2C >2/ 19@/<87/8>= A+8>= >9 7+<-2 ,+-5
C/+<= %2/C +</ 89> 19381 >9 ,/ =?--/==0?6 +> 3> 9< /@/<C
+->398 >2/</ 3= +8 /;?+6 +8. 9::9=3>/ </+->398
Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
" +@/ C9? ,//8 09669A381 >2/ 928 96>98 2/+<381=
/ 2+= =+3. /@/<C>2381 ./<91+>9<C +,9?> >2/ & >2+> +8C98/ -9?6.
*/= +8. 366 E#/366C
>29?12> 2/ 2+. + !/+,9.C
"
8
*9? -+8 ><C >23= +66 C9? A+8> 0 3> .9/=8E> ,?=> 9?> 98 <+.39 3> A366 =>+<> +1+38
98 >2/ 8>/<8/> %2/C 5//: ><C381 >9 =3> 98 =>?00 >2+> >2/</ 3= 89 </+=98 >9 =3>
984?=> 7+5/= 3> A9<=/ .98E> 589A 29A 7+8C >37/= C9? 2+@/ >9 19 >2<9?12
>23= >9 6/+<8 3> %2/C +</ 89> >2/ :<38-3:+6 90 >2/ =-2996 98E> >/66 7/ A2+>
=29?6. ,/ 98 >2/ 79<8381 +889?8-/7/8>=
4?7: =29>
=/-98.= >9 19 38 >2/ 1+7/ +8. C9? +</ </+.C >9 7+5/ +
" *9? +</ +8 +--97:63=2/. :6+CA<312> (2+> 538. 90 +.@3-/ A9?6. C9? 13@/
>9 + C9?81 :6+CA<312>
A9?6. >/66 >2/7 >9 -98=3./< 731<+8> A9<5 > :+C= 79</ 8. C9? 1/>
@/1/>+,6/= +> >2/ /8. 90 >2/ .+C
" (236/ C9? A/</ 38 =-2996 +> & C9? =+A =97/ 90 >2/ ,/=> :/<09<7/<= 38
>2/ 2/C.+C 38-6?.381 >2/ 667+8 <9>2/<= +8. +7/= %+C69<
> A+= +8 +7+D381 >37/ >9 ,/ 38 =-2996 +8. 2+@/ >2/=/ 1?C= =29A ?: >
A+= ?8,/63/@+,6/
" 8 >2/ ,995 C9? =+3. >2+> C9?< 79>2/< A+= >2/ 98/ A3>2 >2/ =/8=/ 90
2?79< 38 >2/ 0+736C $2/ A9?6. =2?> :/9:6/ .9A8 A3>2 2/< ;?3-5 A3>
$2/ =>366 .9/= 3> .3. >23= -981</==398+6 </:9<>/<= .388/< +8. :/9:6/ -+66/.
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Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
9
A VANDALI ZED vI SI ON
punk pioneer joe
escalante f ills us
in on his latest
BYAVELINASEELEY
rock solid
projects.
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Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
11
(top, right) Joe indulges his latest hobby.
(middole right) Cakeboy star and vandal's
guitarist warren fitzgerald
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12 Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
my fellow man
Everyday value of your body..
by
Katherine Luck
“W
ill you just write the word already? It’s not dirty, it’s just “It’s sweeps week. He’s doing it for ratings.”
a body part. Every guy’s got one—nobody’s gonna care what
***
you call it!”
I took the director off of speaker phone five minutes ago.
People were starting to come up from the costume shop to
stare into my cubicle and snicker.
“I’m so massively in debt, it’s not even cute anymore. I
actually had to refer myself to this nonprofit financial counsel
ing service to get the bill collectors to stop stalking me. I used
our agency letterhead and made one of the other social
workers put her name down as my caseworker. How sick is
that?”
“No way! I refuse to write anything about the…y’know. The
unit. No girth or length or whatever. We can’t even call it ‘the
unit!’ It’s probably an obscenity or something, and the theater’ll
The coffee shop is in the last nonStarbucks establishment in
get fined.”
town. It’s in the ghetto, down the block from the homeless
shelter where Wanda works. Wanda gets testy when I call it
I’m on the phone with the director of our theatre’s upcoming
production of The Naked Guy. I’m three days late placing the “the ghetto.” She was an idealist in college.
casting call for the lead character on the online callboard. I
need to find a goodlooking guy in his twenties who’s comfort “It’s all those damned loans for that damned master’s degree.
I’m still only making ten bucks an hour, since the agency lost
able with full frontal male nudity for the entirety of ninety
the big federal grant last spring, remember that fiasco? Lucky
minutes. For the play.
to still have a job, I guess. This coffee’s costing me half my
grocery budget for the week.” I hope she’s exaggerating.
“Oh come on, Janie! It’s the internet!” Somehow, he
Maybe I should pick up the tab. But I’m broke too.
manages to make ‘internet’ sound sleazy. “You can write
anything—there’s freakin’ porn links on that site! Half the
actors work as escorts in the off season. And I don’t mean—” “I had to record myself as a successful social service referral in
my tracking database and turn it in to my boss. She’s probably
gonna be pissed off. Wasting agency time and resources. Oh
“Forget it! I’ll write ‘athletic build,’ but I’m not going beyond
well, whatever. Things should get better once I get the Section
that.”
8 voucher. I applied for food stamps last week, too. After they
repossessed my car, I got eligible for a lot of lowincome
Toby thrusts his head over the rim of my cubicle. Another
programs.”
interloper from the depths of the costume shop. But he’s not
smirking like the others were.
“Rick broke up with me on national radio today.”
“Janie, Janie—turn on the radio. Your boyfriend’s breaking up
Wanda swirls her cappuccino vigorously to loosen the last
with you.”
dregs of the milk clinging to the sides of the cup.
Rick, said boyfriend, lives in Chicago these days. Rick has
“I should have become a welder. Or a general contractor. I
dreams of becoming the next Howard Stern. Right before I
referred this smack junkie client of mine to an apprentice
graduated from college, he moved to Chicago, changed his
program about a year ago. Chick’s got no high school diploma,
professional name to Dick Mann, and went to work at a radio
no GED, barely speaks English, and now she’s an apprentice
station. He’s got the drivetime slot these days. I stopped
plumber pulling in sixty grand a year. That’s exactly how much
listening to him when he began using our sexual doings as
material for his show. I figure it’s better for our relationship if I my damned Masters cost! How depressing is that?”
don’t know what he’s up to professionally. He sure doesn’t
***
know that I spend my working hours hustling naked Equity
actors.
I haven’t listened to the Dick Mann show since that charmed
One of the joys of the internet is the ability to listen to faroff morning when my nickname at work became “freaky girl.” I
turn off my computer and steady myself. I pick up a pen and a
radio stations online. Toby hisses at me until turn up the
blank legal pad. These are just props to disguise my gleeful
volume; loud enough for everyone in the office to hear.
nerves.
Somewhere in the windy city, Dick Mann initiates a
prerecorded whip sound effect.
I get to assist in the auditions for The Naked Guy. The
auditions, that is, for the Naked Guy himself. There will be
“That’s what I’m sayin’! Whipped no more, baby! Me an’
fourteen actors trying out for the role today. Young men in their
freakygirl are cashed out! Consider your ass kicked to the
midtwenties, naked and glorious and athleticallybuilt. All
curb, yeah!”
parading around the stage for my benefit.
I glance up at Toby, who’s still hanging over the top of my
I never doubted the timeless brilliance of this play. It is art. I
cubicle like a gargoyle.
will never speak ill of it again.
“Are you sure he’s breaking up with me?”
When Rick and I met in college, he was heavy into this type of
postmodern performance art. He worked for the college radio,
and I was getting my degree in dramaturgy, which Rick had
never heard of. He thought it was cool that I wanted to sculpt
new scripts into works of genius. Help create the next
Shakespeare or Voltaire. He was supportive. Rick wanted to
Toby nods and swoops down out of sight. He reappears within discover the next Yngwie Malmsteen, whom I’d never heard of.
He used to go to all the open mic nights at every dive bars
my cubicle, perching on the edge of my desk. Toby likes the
within thirty miles of the college, searching for talent to
Dick Mann show. They listen to it down in the costume shop
showcase on his show. It aired at three a.m. I used to stay up
everyday. Toby’s probably the only gay fan ol’ Rick will ever
to listen to it every night.
have.
I’ve always had a hard time understanding Rick when he’s
doing his Dick Mann voice. He affects some kinda deep south
drawl shot through with a jibbering, hysterical hyena cackle that
bursts through on every fifth word. (where are Janie and Rick
from? Where did they go to college?)
Onstage, a firmchested, ohsonaked actor is butchering a
“So, here’s the thing, sluts. Dick Mann’s free game. Open
monologue from Death of a Salesman. He moves vigorously
season, whores! Come and bag me! And I’ll tell y’all what:
the first twenty skanky, superfine porn stars who call in before around the stage, gesturing hard. I’m not leering at him.
we go to break can have a crack at me. On air. Tell me what Really. I’m not.
you’re gonna do to me, and make it nasty!”
Maybe Dick Mann is auditioning a girl for the role of slut
Toby shakes his head and grabs my mouse to mute down girlfriend right now. She will be naked, blaring out Willy
the volume.
illustration by erick gomez
Loman’s lines at full volume. On the radio. It can’t possibly have
as much impact as seeing it live. I’m really not leering.
“I hear his ratings are way up. Some local celebrity stripper called
in on Friday. The FCC had to cut the show off halfway through.
They’re fining the station for obscenity. They might syndicate his
show, put him in a national midmorning slot in six months.”
Toby and I are in his favorite gay bar, hunkered down over cheap
beer. Pabst blue ribbon. So chic.
“Has he called?”
“Nope.”
“Huh. Maybe you should call in. Call his show. He’d put you on
the air for sure. You’d get your fifteen minutes.”
“I’ve had my fifteen minutes, thanks.”
The last time I was in this bar with Toby was for the Valentine’s
Day drag queen contest. Both of us were broke and needed the
prize money. He dressed up as Liza Minelli. I went as Lara Croft,
Tomb Raider. Toby got third place and twentyfive dollars. I didn’t
even make it to the second round. I overheard clusters of queens
cattily murmuring, ‘Now, that boy’s got no flair! He couldn’t pass
for a girl in a room full of linebackers.’ One of them bought me a
pink girlie drink to boost my inadequate femininity. Those were my
fifteen minutes.
“So, I hear the director wants to get the playwright’s permission to
cast a woman in the role of the Naked Guy. He wants a broader
appeal. He thinks the donors’ll be put off by having to watch a
naked man walk around the stage for an hour and a half.”
“Why? I sure won’t be put off! It’s the only thing that I have to
look forward to these days!”
“Oh, same here, honey! But the director wants to increase the
attendance of potential donors. Big donors. You know. Going for
the straight, fortyyearold doctor and lawyer crowd. Avoid the
wage gap and target the big boys who need the tax rideoffs.”
I think that I should have become a welder. Or a general
contractor. Then I’d have all the shirtless, firmchested men I
could ever want. Building doorframes and roofs and things. I
could holler obscenities at them from the skyhigh girders.”
“I wonder how the director’ll want to word the casting call this
time. I refuse to write anything about the, y’know. The jugs.”
Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
13
my fellow man
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14 Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
globetrotting
listings
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...and you thought
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great.
...into the 21st century: two decades of
nation-conscious rap in Cape Town
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Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
15
globetrotting
not all sunshine and dancing at this club scene
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16 Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
by Eric Dadoun
Illustration by Helen Kim
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fiction folio
The day i parked my car
by Jessica Teague
I can’t remember the day I started hating Los Angeles again. It must have been the day I got here. Or perhaps the day before. You see, I can’t really remember because the moment you try to think here
you find that you’ve lost the ability to hold a thought for more than half a minute. Thirty seconds and it’s time for the next commercial break – an ad for an iPod fourteen stories tall on the side of an old deco
building reminding you that you are not dancing, but sitting in your car. And either way, you are isolated. The only thing better about dancing with your iPod is that at least you’re moving. I’m trapped in my car
again and find that in order to get anywhere quickly here, you have to sit absolutely still. You tap your foot up and down on the break to a rhythm you’ll never hear.
As I’m sitting here, looking at the gigantic purple iPod ad, the sun is setting a glowy orange over everything and the palm trees are in silhouette against the skyline. It’s a very “LA” moment. A friend of
mine always says that the thing about LA is that you’re constantly having these very “LA” moments wherever you go. There’s something nostalgic about living right here in the present and you long for the moment
just as it’s passing you by. I’ve never understood how it does that to you. I’ll be hating LA and then suddenly it will give you an LA moment that wrenches your heart out of your chest and makes you feel like a
bastard for not being grateful, getting out of your car, and kissing the greasy pavement because it’s February and the goddamn palm trees are silhouetted against an orange sky like in some movie.
That’s the problem. There are plenty of books and movies about New York, but there is plenty of LA that is about movies and books. The nostalgia is inescapable because movies and books create
moments that never really existed in the first place. When I think about it, I’m not sure whether Los Angeles even exists, which is why I really hate it.
I was supposed to be meeting my friend Rudy for coffee in 15 minutes, but then I wondered if that was even relevant when the place didn’t really exist and thus neither did the distance between two
places within it. Regardless, there was no way I was going to make it and so I decided to do something desperate. I turned on my emergency blinkers, pulled my car to the shoulder, and parked. This was
probably illegal but the thought of sitting there another LA moment was unbearable. Walking down the exit ramp, I knew that walking on the moon must have felt like this. Damn, this was better than any walk I’d
ever had, and I could tell by the smiles on the faces of people in their cars that they wish they had
thought of the idea first.
Within 10 minutes I had reached Evelina’s, which at first glance looks like an upscale home-store
with all these retro-styled green glasses and coffee table books about Thailand. In the back there is
a heavy oak bar where they serve up imported coffee and tea in heavy cream porcelain. It’s a big
thing these days – these combo shop/cafés. It’s meant to give you that nostalgic departmentstore-cafeteria-feel just like the palm tree silhouettes, but I refused to let that ruin the un-LA
moment I had created for myself. I would even try talking to the barrista who was attentively taking
my order.
“So…” I trailed off to casually break the silence. “The people who come in here – do they
buy more stuff or do they buy more coffee. Is it a coffee shop with stuff, or a …a stuff shop with
coffee?” I’d never really thought about it that way before. I’m only here two days a week, but I guess
I’d probably say it’s a stuff shop that happens to also sell coffee. The coffee is really good enough to
stand on its own, but the people who wander in and have a cup of coffee usually get it in a to-go
cup, which, to be honest, defeats the purpose because we have all these imported mugs and cups,
which are made for really savoring a good cup of coffee. And I haven’t yet decided whether having a
shop that does two things at once is a good thing or a bad thing, but…”
“but from a simple marketing stand point, it does open you up to greater markets…”
“Exactly. However, I meant more… the idea of a shop itself.”
“the theoretical shop”
“Sure.” But she stopped there and I wasn’t sure why. She seemed a bit embarrassed.
“Ok. The idea of the shop itself. What about it?” I said hopefully.
“Oh, I don’t really know. It doesn’t really matter. A shop’s a shop. People come in and buy stuff. Sometimes that stuff includes coffee. The end.”
It was as though she had written the words in big pink letters in the air, leaving me completely dissatisfied. It was one of those stupid things they do at the end of movies when they’re just tired of going
on and they give you a big The End, which you knew was actually a tickler to the sequel that would come out next spring. Damn it. I hate people in LA – they always want a “the end” to things.
I started folding up the left-over paper sugar packet and began to worry about my car. Would they tow it? Maybe I shouldn’t have left it there.
“Do you know if they tow your car or give you a big fine if you just leave your car parked on the shoulder of the freeway?”
“What?” she said as though these were the first words I’d spoken.
“Well, I kinda-sorta left my car parked on the shoulder of the freeway down the street, and...”
“Did you break down? Do you have a cell? Do you need to use the phone to call AAA or somebody. You should have mentioned that before, you poor thing!”
“Oh no. No. The car’s fine, I just decided it would be easier to leave it there and walk. I was supposed to meet a friend here about 5 minutes ago.”
“Hm. Well, that’s certainly original. I have no idea what they do to your car, although, I’ve often wondered whether all those cars you see parked on the side of the freeway actually broke down, or
whether the people inside were
broken down by the traffic and gave up. And whether the car is broken or the person is broken, I guess it shouldn’t make a difference, but you might get in more trouble if
there’s nothing wrong with the car.”
I couldn’t take it. This girl just lapsed into these half-philosophical thoughts and then retreated. Stop. Thirty second interludes. Attempt number 2.
“So, you say you only work here two days a week. What is your main thing?”
“I don’t have a main thing.”
“No?”
“Not really.”
And finally Rudy showed up – grinning and bobbing his head.
“Gin, what are you bothering this nice girl about?”
“Nothing.” I said wryly. Rudy is one of my only friends in LA who consistently loves LA and vows never to leave.
“Yes, you are bothering this nice girl.”
She smiled.
“I was just saying that I don’t have a main thing. I don’t believe people really have main things.”
“Yes they do,” said Rudy matter of factly. “My main thing is having coffee as often as possible with Gin, but, incidentally, we cannot stay here and have coffee.”
Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
“Why not?” the barista and I said simultaneously. It was awkward and it made me wish that I hadn’t involved her in the conversation.
“Because, Gin. Your car is being towed from the freeway shoulder.”
17
fiction folio
Classified
I Was There
by Middlepoet
17
By Byron L. Smith
Pleasant Dreams
By Stephan B Delbos
Purgatory
By Anastasia Sakelaris
What I Like Best
About the Death
of Hope
By Josette Lager
Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
fiction folio
“Why not?” the barista and I said simultaneously. It was awkward and it made
me wish that I hadn’t involved her in the conversation.
“Because, Gin. Your car is being towed from the freeway shoulder.”
“What?! Already?! How could they even tell that I had stopped?”
With my fantasy eroding quickly, I ran out of the shop-thing, down the street,
through the flashing hand, and up the freeway off-ramp to where the tow truck was
about to lock my car down.
“Is this your car, ma’am?” the blue button-down man said with a lilting accent.
“Yes. Yes, this is my car. Please don’t tow it. I was just leaving it for a little bit
– I had to get out. I’m really sorry, I’ll move it now, just please don’t tow it, please.” I
looked at him desperately and out of breath.
“But ma’am, you can’t just leave your car like that, you know.”
“I know, but the other cars weren’t moving. Were you going to tow them?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. I think the people were probably still in those
cars, you know, and I was just told to come get this car here…”
“Nevermind…” I said feeling defeated.
“But you know, if you’re in the car here before I tow it, I don’t think I can tow
you. So… you could, you know, get in the car and then I’ll just unlock this here and we’ll
just say you were in the car, you know.”
I nodded my head and smiled. Yes, I knew. Finally, someone who understood!
As I got into my car and the tow truck driver pulled away, I saw Rudy and the barista girl
walking up the ramp.
I turned around to grab my keys, but when I turned to wave back there was no one there.
The last bit of orange glow was draining out of the sky and the exhaust fumes made the
air like liquid. Had I just seen a mirage?
Stunned, I got back into my car and pulled into the motionless traffic, but I could not
get their image out of my head and I imagined how it might have went.
“We were worried about you,” the barista girl would say, extending a to-go cup
to me.
“Mind giving us a lift?” Rudy would ask. And we would pull onto the trafficless freeway and sail down the ramp. We’d talk about how ridiculous I had been.
Thinking I could park my car on the freeway, honestly! And maybe the barista girl and I
would become friends because women never meet women in Los Angeles. The three of
us would meet up for yoga or yogurt. It would be very LA.
But things like that don’t happen in LA because it would have been more than
an LA moment, it would have been an LA lifestyle, and somehow I haven’t ever made it
there. Sitting there again, I got to thinking about this exhibit I once saw where video
images were presented on plasma screens in such slow motion that you could not even
tell that they were moving. It felt like that, being in the car. In an LA moment you can’t
decide whether you are in a still frame or in a moving picture. One strings along to the
next. But, I suppose, it doesn’t really matter. In thirty seconds it will be over and the
next one will be ready to begin.
Untitled
By Katherine Gates
One cold October years ago, my husband fell ill. His leukemia had come out of
remission and he had but three months to live. He refused, understandably, tospend his
last days in a hospital bed, so we tried to make his end a pleasant one. We packed up
everything from our apartment on West Sixty-Eighth and Amsterdam, piled it all into my
'94 Camry, and settled in a tiny cottage in Woodstock. It was a modest place with a tin
roof that sang every time it rained and a hill and forest just behind us we carved with trails
on cool afternoons. Beyond that, there was a reservoir we suspected was good for
swimming during the summer, but we didn't talk about that.
Around us, the leaves changed, then slowly died as Michael fell to his illness. We took
long walks through our woods and discussed philosophy. Neither he nor I had ever
believed in God, but in his last few
months, Michael confessed that he did. "I can't stand the thought of rotting in the dirt for
eternity," he
rationalized.
"So get cremated."
Michael just shook his head. "I have to feel like I have a future," he said simply. I
could understand
that.
We spent many quiet afternoons in that house, he jamming on the upright piano we
had bought soon after our arrival, I typing away at my latest novel and mailing it off, piece
by piece, to my editor. The
profit from my last wouldn't stretch forever, after all. When it snowed, we built a snow
man and woman
and put them together, stick arms intertwined, on our hill. The reservoir froze over and we
enjoyed our
rural winter wonderland, carving our modest Thanksgiving turkey as snow fell in flurries
outside
our window.
One afternoon while we ice skated on the reservoir, Michael fainted. I helped him to
his feet and led him back to our house. I made tea and as we drank, he told me his secret.
"When I was a child," he said, "I
bumped into an old woman on the street. She dropped her groceries, so I helped her up,
gathered her
things, and carried them up to her apartment for her. She told me she wanted to thank me
for what I had done and made me a hot chocolate. 'Drink it all at once,' she said, 'then
leave and don't look back.' The hot chocolate warmed me all through my walk out of her
apartment. I reached the street and saw a vendor
across the street selling roses, and they were red. I mean, real red. At first, I thought it
was a dream or
I'd imagined it or something, but then, I saw a taxi drive by and it was yellow. Real yellow.
I've seen
real colors since then. The trees here were so beautiful, you wouldn't believe."
I tried to understand, but for someone who had never seen true colors, like the rest of
the world, it was
difficult to wrap my mind around. I nodded slowly, then washed the dishes.
Michael and I enjoyed a quiet Christmas together and by that point, he was bedridden. I sat at his side as he told me that I had to move on. "I want you to be happy when
Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
I'm gone," he said.
18
fiction folio
listings
...and you thought your job was great.
Do I Look Thinner?
by Nara Vidal
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20 Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
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literature
Remember your love for grammar?
A SYNDROME OF SIMILE AND METAPHOR
by
J.D.Smith
Smith
BY J.D.
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Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
21
aspiring authors
Featuring the newest scribes with their lastest offerings for the masses. These excerpts
remain only teasers; check out the author's contact to find out the latest details.
An eye on pinoy
Filipina Perspective, 2005.
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aspiring authors
Featuring the newest scribes with their lastest offerings for the masses. These excerpts
remain only teasers; check out the author's contact to find out the latest details.
Filipina Perspective, 2005.
An eye on pinoy cont.
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Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
23
galleries
Discovering the artwalk in your city.
this month: highland park
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24 Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
Rock Rose
Gallery
Blue Chips
Gallery
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film
For a true movie‐goiing experience.
New Beverly Cinema
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Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
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Los
Los Angeles
Angeles Journal
Journal july
july vol.
vol. 33
37
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38 Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
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THE UNIVERSITY OF
HOMELESS SERVICES
The University of Homeless
Services was founded in the
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Weston. The intent of this
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is in an effort to boost the
human condition’s economy.
In the tradition of American
President Roosevelt, students
of the University of Homeless
Services are paid to attend
and participate in university
structured classes, whether they
have issues of homelessness
or not. The current major
project production from
The University of Homeless
Services; WESTON films
DREAMCATCHER studios/
animation studios. This
project is greatly interested in
FINANCIAL BACKING, and
in the other areas of production,
ie; acting, script writers,
design technical, and so forth.
Interest should be submitted
to email address weston_
[email protected] I look
forward to hearing from you.
Room for Rent
Diamond Bar $550
– 1 bedroom for rent in newly
remodeled home 2500 square
foot home. Home has a
beautiful view of Diamond Bar,
subzero appliances, pool table,
plenty of parking, and spacious
common areas. Call (310) 748
7997. Rooms are available in
the end of July.
Video Editor
(One Month Project)
Video editor wanted to produce
final cut, introduction graphics,
and end credits for short film
as an independent contractor.
Video editor will work on
project for one month contract.
Professional(s) with sample
portfolio or capable student(s)
with sample portfolio would be
adequate. Please send sample
reel with resume and contact
information to 6033 West
Century Blvd., Suite 1280, Los
Angeles, CA 90045.
ADS AS LOW AS
$9.
CALL
(310) 6704452
Independent TMobile Sales
Reps (Telecommute)
Seeking independent sales
representative to sell TMobile
plans to major corporations,
small business, and
individuals. Representatives
are encouraged to go after
corporate accounts and set
up booths at major fairs in
public places. Commissions
start at a minimum of $100
per activation. This is a
commission only position.
Rep must have internet and
phone access and can work
from home. Online TMobile
training required. Email
resume and letter of interest to
[email protected].
Words for the wise...
puzzles
RYPTOGRAMS
Los Angeles Journal july vol. 3
39
los angeles
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