Alison and Aiden

Alison and Aiden (a modern rendition of JD Salinger's “Franny and Zooey”) 0 Prologue -January 19, 2024 “To regret one’s own experiences is to arrest one’s own development. To deny one’s own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one’s own life. It is no less than a denial of the soul.” - Oscar Wilde 1 2 Alison : Table of Contents Chapter 1 : Rag Doll Chapter 2: Refuge Chapter 3: Peanut Butter Chapter 4: Molly Chapter 5: The TV Chapter 6: Dinner Chapter 7: Quiet Chapter 8: The Sunrise and the Flag Chapter 9: autumn leaves 3 Chapter 10: Aiden Chapter 11: Time Chapter 12: 4:30 Chapter 13: Strangers Chapter 14: Identities Chapter 15: Just a Meeting Chapter 16: Grapefruit Chapter 17: Nuclear Family Chapter 18: Advice, and then Courage Chapter 19: Role Models Chapter 20: emotionally bulletproof 4 Chapter 21: a sign Chapter 22: gossamer thin Chapter 23: a new teacher Chapter 24: hair Chapter 25: trust Chapter 26: Glitter Chapter 27: curious Chapter 28: The Battle of Joy Chapter 29: Victory 5 1. Rag Doll “Tell me,” the woman asked, “what is it that you want? What is your greatest dream? Who do you want to be?” The girl looked at her, hesitated, and replied slowly, “I'm… i’m not sure what you mean” The girl remembered all the things she watched growing uptv shows of comedy, films of romance, tiktok girls with midriffs and colorful hair, commercials of suggestive seduction. She was only 13. The woman who was asking these questions was her new high school guidance counselor. The girl was just entering high school. 6 Only the week before, she was shopping with her mother at the mall, trying on training bras for her first high school gym class. She was so nervous, since this was going to be her first year ever changing in front of other girls in the locker room. Before this, she was homeschooled by her nanny. The meeting with this strange woman was to determine her class schedule for the next 4 years. The school she was enrolled in was very elite- and her mother had to pull a lot of strings just to get her on the waitlist. It was one of those schools. The girl was nervous even being on the new school grounds, even more so watching this middle aged woman fumbling around with paperwork behind her big brown desk. The desk was made out of some type of wood- she never saw this type of texture before- so shiny, sturdy, and delicate- all at the same time. 7 “I’ll tell you what,” the woman snapped impatiently, “I have a whole afternoon booked full of appointments for other girls who actually want to attend our academy,I don't have time for this game you're playing. Come back here with your mother next week, same day and time, and I want you to be serious about your future. Don’t waste my time playing with your hair and looking like some lost rag doll.” The woman buzzed the receptionist to escort the girl out of the office. The girl followed the secretary back outside, just to walk back home by herself. She only lived a block away- but she sure wished her mother was there that day. 8 k.ye 2. Refuge Alison was very familiar with her neighborhood- from the gray sidewalks to the green green trees along the way. She lived in the suburbs, a middle class neighborhood- every house on the street had at least one parent who worked a 9-5, sometimes she would see the neighborhood kids ride their bikes along the empty streets. It hardly ever rained where she lived- it was sunny almost all year round. 9 As she walked home - she put her new air pods in, and searched for her favorite song on her phone (the latest apple version, of course) -Angel by sarah mclaughlin. She was introduced to this song from this movie she watched once with her nanny called “city of angels.” The plot and characters of the movie were a blur to her. But the soundtrack always stuck with her, especially “Angel.” She loved the deep melodic tone of the singer’s voice- it was as if that song was written especially for her. Whenever she was sad, she would play it just so she can imagine that she wasn’t so alone. The girl didnt know much about angels, God, or anything of the sorts- the only type of church she was exposed to was the summers at VBS - vacation bible school, and to her it was just another place her mother would send her to during the summertime so that her mom could have a few months off from taking care of her. God was like a place of refuge for her- but only during the summer. The rest of the year, it was just her, her nanny, her computer, and her books, which was just another type of security blanket to keep her from also drowning in her own thoughts. 10 3. Peanut Butter You could call Alison a latchkey kid- most of the time when she came home, her house would be empty. No little brothers or sisters playing around, not even a dog or cat to welcome her home. Her mother was always at work. Alison didn't mind, she was used to the empty echoes of her house. 11 As she walked into the kitchen door, she opened the fridge to find something to eat. The nice thing about being home alone, she thought, was that she could eat whatever she wanted- without her mother nagging her to eat more, or to eat this instead of that. Her mother always made sure the fridge was stocked and full. She browsed through in the cupboards too. Everything edible in the kitchen required some type of preparation. She was too emotionally exhausted from that meeting earlier to cook anything for herself- so she popped open a jar of Skippy peanut butter. The crunchy kind, her favorite. Grabbing a spoon from the first drawer by the stove, she used it to eat the peanut butter- one spoonful at a time. She took the peanut butter jar with her to the living room, where she flopped on her favorite couch and turned on the TV. There was no mom nagging her, and she was perfectly ok with it. Who wants someone around to tell you what to watch and what not to watch anyway? 12 The TV showed her parts of the world that she never knew existed. The other day, she watched a news reporter describing the rising cases of homelessness in her city. On the screen, she saw hungry kids grabbing onto their parents in old dirty clothes, looking sad. She saw full grown adults with their heads slung over, nodding slowly- with droopy eyes as if they were almost about to go to sleep, in the middle of the day! After that, another newscaster reported about some country across the world - with hospitals getting bombed, families terrorized, and children her age being shot at. It was a scary world, Alison would think to herself. 13 4. Molly Since Alison was homeschooled- she didn't have many opportunities to find friends to play with. It was fine with her, because she didn't know anything else. She did have one friend who was also her neighbor who she had a lot of fun with. Her friend’s name is Molly. Molly wasn't homeschooled like Alison, so she wasn't around as much as Alison would have liked. Molly loved reading, and so did Alison. They both would walk to each other's houses and exchange books whenever they were done reading whatever they had for the week. For a bit now, they both were really engrossed with R.L Stine’s collection series - goosebumps. Each book wasn't that long - maybe 120 pages, at most. All of the books from RL Stine were short, fun, and scary to read. Alison’s favorite thing about his books was the certain texture that you could feel on the front cover of each paperback he published. She liked how the title of the series on each book , “Goosebumps” has been printed to be raised as if she was reading braille. 14 This afternoon, she was expecting Molly to visit her after her karate lesson. Molly has always been very active- her parents constantly took her to different activities. It was a surprise to Alison that she wasn’t dead beat tired at the end of the day. And right at 4:30 on the dot, there was a knock at the door. Alison left her peanut butter jar on the couch she was laying in and ran to the patio door. She greeted her friend with a hug and a special handshake only the both of them knew. After their special handshake ritual, which consisted of a cluster of smooth, rhythmic hand gestures ending with flipping their hair to the side, Molly told Alison that she just got the latest Goosebump book! She hasn't even opened it, and wanted to wait for Alison so they can both admire her new book together. Alison touched the cover with her fingers, and smiled - it was definitely an original Goosebumps book, she told Molly. 15 Molly was not only a busy girl with many activities - she also had strict parents who wanted to know where she was at all the time. If it were up to her parents, Alison thought, she would only want Molly to either be 1. Studying 2. Practicing whatever sport she was in at the time and 3. Sleeping. In reality, Alison wasn't wrong. So, after a few moments of giggling, oohing and ahhing over Molly’s new book, Molly had to say her goodbyes. Alison knew she’d see her again soon, and she also knew that Molly would get in major trouble if she went home later than expected- so she hugged Molly real tight and waved goodbye. It’s always nice to see Molly, and finally hear something other than the TV static in that big empty house, Alison thought. 16 5. The TV After Molly left, Alison went back to the couch, and went right back to watching TV and eating peanut butter. She was happy as a clam. It’s funny how one thing can change the trajectory of her whole afternoon- Alison thought to herself. She was tired of watching the news. It was the same thing everyday anyway- some sad story, some war, some hungry family- something no one bothered to fix, but only to tell how horrible everything is. She flipped through all the channels and landed on “America’s Next Top Model.” She loved watching these gorgeous women wearing such elegant clothes, looking fabulous in almost every angle. It was mesmerizing to watch. She loved their long skinny tanned legs. Their sun kissed colored skin. Long, wavy soft hair. One day, she thought to herself, that will be me. I will be on the runway, and everyone who was ever mean to me, or ignored me will regret it. 17 That thought left as quickly as it came. Alison fell in and out of love with everything. Nothing really would catch her attention for too long. Once, a nanny suggested to her mother once to get her checked out for some learning disability. Her mother refused and didn't believe in modern medicine- she didn't want anything unnatural in Alison’s body. Her mindset was very ridgid about these kinds of things- what her daughter could or could not eat, watch, drink, say or do. It was a peculiar type of dynamic the mother and daughter had. Even though they rarely saw each other- her mother had a very strong leash on Alison. Every chance she got, at least. The clock struck 7pm. Time always flew by quickly for Alison. Her mother would be pulling in the garage from work very soon. 18 6. Dinner Alison always had mixed feelings about her mother coming home from work. She hated that her mom was always at work. She was partly angry but also partly excited when her mom came home. They never really had much to say to each other besides the usual questions like, what’s for dinner? Her mom was too tired to think about anything else, and Alison was too angry to want to talk about anything else. Alison’s mom prepared some dinner- something quick, but nutritious. Tonight was salmon and asparagus, with some rice. So that was Alison’s evening, her mom in the living room on the couch with the evening news, winding down after a long day's work, and Alison in the kitchen eating what her mom cooked for dinner. They never really stayed in the same room for long. And that was fine with both of them, anyway. 19 7. Quiet As the evening came to an end, bedtime was near. 10pm was the time Alison’s mother expected her to be in bed, quiet without a sound. Her mother had work the next morning, and she didn't want any extra distractions or noise from the house. Homes were supposed to be a type of sanctuary, anyway- quiet, serene, and peaceful. Even though their home was quiet- it did not feel peaceful or serene. The air was always very stale, and the energy surrounding the house was a suffocating kind that no words could explain. Alison’s mother didn’t keep a close eye on if she did her night time routine of taking a shower or brushing her teeth. All she really had the energy for was to yell a few words across the house to remind her. Tonight, Alison never paid much attention to her mother’s advice. She just hopped in her bed. Tonight, she didn't feel like doing anything- not even changing into her pajamas (which was usually an oversized tee shirt with some band name on it). She could never fall asleep right away, so she turned on a podcast from her phone and listened to some man read stories to her through her earbuds. 20 This was her source of refuge- for nighttime, anyway. 21 8. The Sunrise and the Flag Sunrise. The sun was peeking through the blinds of her room. She could feel it was time to wake up. But she didn’t want to. What was she looking forward to anyway? Alison remembered the last time she really looked forward to the day, and that seemed like ages ago- when her nanny was living with her. Her nanny not only was her tutor, but her best friend. She would wake Alison up in the mornings with the house smelling of fresh pancakes and scrambled eggs. Alison loved the freshly squeezed grapefruit juice that her nanny would make. It was her favorite part of the morning. These days, ever since Rena moved away, Alison was left alone to a cold, empty house in the morning. Even though the southern California sun was ever so warm on Alison’s skin when she stepped outside, the house inside echoed of stillness. 22 So, Alison got up and grabbed some milk from the fridge. After she poured the milk in her mini Hello Kitty mug, she looked outside her kitchen window. She saw the familiar American flag perched on her neighbors front yard that she watched every morningbravely dancing with the wind. She smiled in awe- it was the one thing that she loved to watch every morning ever since Rena moved. The sharp colors of red, white and bluethe colors that symbolize freedom, bravery, and independence- a representation of home to so many other curious boys and girls just like her- at least that was what Rena told her from the history books they read together. 23 Rena came from an immigrant family that always believed in the American dream. Her family traveled from very far, and finally officially got to make America their home when Rena turned 5. Rena came from a working class family- she studied very hard in school and all throughout college. Growing up, her family would tell her about so many stories of how so many people they knew would struggle their whole lives just to come to this country- just to be who they wanted to be. Her parents told Rena all about the magic of hard work and the opportunities of what this country offered meant for their family, especially her Uncles and Aunties got to live out their dreams in this country. Alison knew of all these stories because Rena would share them with her ever so often before falling asleep. Rena always reminded Alison that “To live in a land where anything is possible is a privilege and a special honor.” This was a phrase that would stick with Alison for a lifetime. 24 9. autumn leaves Alison’s jet black hair always got in her face. It was annoying, but she didn’t want to cut her bangs like a little girl anymore -so, she was letting it grow out. As she was getting ready for another day- she turned on her music playlist. Music always made her feel less alone, it filled her with joy, and it was everything to her. Another type of refuge, if you really think about it. Anyways, it didn't take much for her to get ready- today, she wore an oversized tee and some leggings. She loved fashion, but only on other girls. She never considered herself as part of anything- more of an observer, a wallflower- if that. All of a sudden, she thought she heard Molly's voice. Alison ran to the front door, excited. Maybe Molly had a day off from those dumb activities her parents made her goto. To Alison’s disappointment, as she was peeking through the window, she discovered that no one was on the other side of the door. Oh well, she thought, maybe she’ll come around sometime later this week. 25 These days were kind of unusual for Alison, ever since Rena moved out two weeks agoshe was on her own most of the time. She was a big girl now anyway and didn't need any supervision. Her mom would be back from work around 7 in the evening, and so the house, the neighborhood streets, the sunny skies were hers to roam until then. She walked outside - feeling the warmth of the sun on her skin. She looked at the green green trees that surrounded her neighborhood streets, and took a deep breath. Alison tried to inhale all the air she could from the last days of summer. It was her favorite season, and she never wanted it to go away. But as with every year, this year would be the same- sunny summer skies, stolen by the autumn winds and brownish orange leaves. 26 10. Aiden There’s Aiden again, Alison thought to herself. Alison did not like Aiden very much. He was annoying and would often try to get her attention in some way or another. She didn't know why he bothered her so much, but he did. Aiden was a boy, about her age, who lived in that house across the street- the very same house with the flagpole that she admired out the window whenever she was in the kitchen. The boy was also homeschooled, just like her- but by his parents. His mother was his main tutor. She would stay at home and tutor Aiden on the weekdays, while his father worked. His father would then teach him things like math and science on the weekends, since his mother would teach him the rest of the subjects the other days. Rumor had it that his father was some hot shot engineer that worked on top secret projects for the government. At least that's what Alison would overhear from her mother whenever she would gossip on the phone with her girlfriends. Her mother loved to talk about and compare children and their parents whenever she could. Everything was a competition in her eyes- but for Alison, she was simply content listening to stories from other people. 27 Alison was having a pretty serene morning so far- quiet and lost in her own thoughts, just as she liked. But it was just an eyesore to have Aiden around, it almost ruined her morning. By any means, his presence didn't matter to Alison as much anyways- after all, her best qualities were her resilience and determination. That boy across the street could not and would not stop Alison from enjoying the rest of her day. 28 11. Time And just like that, it was already noon. The warm sun was sitting there in the blue skies, not a cloud in sight. The sunrise came and went. Morning was a blur for Alison. This was not unusual for her- time seemed to run through her fingers like quicksand. She walked around the block with her AirPods in- listening to the new playlist she created the other week after her tutor moved out. She missed Rena a whole lot, it was a bummer that she couldn’t do anything about it. Alison wouldn’t be able to wish her back even if she tried her hardest. So, Alison made a playlist instead of all her favorite songs that reminded her of Rena. One of these songs was a 2002 Nickelback classic “how you remind me.” Although the lyrics were a bit deep for her, and she was not able to relate to certain parts of the song- she loved listening to the singer pour his emotions out into the song regardless. Almost all of Alison’s song choices were influenced by either Rena, her favorite local radio stations - (KROQ 106.7 and STAR 98.7) or random playlists she would discover on YouTube. From time to time, she would flip on VH1, but the TV seemed to make Alison fall asleep whenever she watched it for too long. 29 Although it was warm out- Alison liked the feeling of being invisible- so she zipped up her gray hoodie all the way up and walked around the neighborhood for a bit. She liked to admire her neighbors' front lawns, walking through the gray sidewalks and feeling the delicate petals of the different flowers she would pass by. Even though her mom did like to keep their house in tip top shape with the latest furnishings and paintings Alison preferred, and enjoyed the simple things in life. Like the colors of the leaves, and the evergreen grass that surrounded her neighbors front lawn. Had it been 10 minutes? Did a whole hour pass? Alison didn’t know, and didn’t care. No one was at home waiting for her. She didn’t have anywhere important to be, anyway. 30 12. 4:30 Was it already 4 pm? As Alison walked into the kitchen, she noticed the clock telling her it was 4:05. Great, she thought. A whole day has come and gone- and I still haven't explored that shopping center by myself that Rena always would take me to. Next time. Maybe tomorrow. Alison plopped down on the couch- not really hungry or tired- just feeling a bit despondent. She was worried about her new school, and that lady she would have to see again next Monday. She didn't have a chance to tell her mother about the meeting because she didn't want her mother to get upset or frustrated at her again. Her mother was often frustrated, either about work, the house… she was never satisfied with anything - especially her daughter. 31 Ding- dong, the front door rang. Alison knew who it was -Molly. She looked forward to her visits. Recently, she’s been coming over more and more- and Alison was definitely happy for that. These days without Rena by her side, the hours seemed to drag on and on. Molly came into the house and they both had some leftover noodles Alison’s mom prepared from the other night. They chatted about Molly’s new puppy, who her parents surprised her with just yesterday. She named the puppy Jeremy- he made Molly ever so happy, he would wag his little tail and follow Molly around wherever she went. He was a small dog but loved to protect Molly and would bark at anything he considered to be a threat. Molly loved him so much, and Alison could tell the love that appeared on her face when she talked about him. Alison was happy for Molly and her new puppy. She wondered if Molly would come around as often now that Jeremy was in her life. Alison hoped to meet her puppy one day, maybe take him to the shopping center with Molly or something. As they finished eating, Molly told Alison she needed to go back home to check on her new puppy and that she would visit her soon. They pinky promised each other and did their secret handshake- Alison waved goodbye as she saw her friend walk down the street. 32 13. strangers As Alison waited for her friend to disappear down the street, she glanced over at the house across the street- the one with the big big American flag. Those crisp red white and blue colors stood out more than ever today. She loved how the flag was always in pristine condition- boldly ready for whatever weather may come- rain, winds, sunshine and sometimes even showers. Stupid Adien with his big ears and goofy hoodie was in the front yard again being the eyesore he always was. He seemed a little less annoying than this morning. Maybe because Alison was tired from the long day she had. Maybe she was too tired to be grumpy at anyone. Adien waved his goofy wave as he always did, and she politely smiled and went inside. 33 Ever since Alison was a little girl, her mother was very adamant about instilling manners in Alison, and made sure she was kind to everyone she met. Alison’s mother had it rough as a single mom- and it was the kindness of the people she met that made her life easier to live, and even to look forward to at times. Her daughter didn't understand these things at the time- how people could be cruel, or even why they would be mean for no reason. Alison was so sheltered from everything, oblivious to the real world- well, almost. Alison was a little bit of a troublemaker in her own right. She liked to surf the net and talk to strangers online- mostly older boys. Attention was fun, especially for a girl that never had any growing up. The boys on the other side of screen would chat with Alison, she didn't know how old they really were- but they all told her they were around 14, 16, 17. She didn't really get too involved with any boy in particular, she just liked the feeling of being noticed for once. These conversations with these strangers would be random ads on snapchat or DMs on instagram. Her mother knew about none of this- and that's how she liked it to be. 34 14. identities The strangers on the internet were just something to pass the time. They were mostly boys who had as much time on their hands as she did- some shared pictures, others said that they were too shy. None of it mattered- what they looked like, who they were, or if they liked the same music as she did. Time on these apps filled that void Alison didn't know she had. It filled the void so much that Alison would check for notifications every chance she got. The phone was an extension of her, and she was the extension of the phone. 35 Since Alison saw these strangers as just another screen name, she didn't mind lying who she was to them at all. Once, she talked to a boy and actually had a pretend relationship with him, telling him she was 17 while he was only 15. She made him believe that she loved him and loved everything he loved too. He made her smile and laugh with the puns he found online- she shared with him deep dark secrets of her imagined parents and how they spoiled her with limitless credit cards and shopping sprees because they were never at home. Alison gave this identity she created a nickname - Fiona. Fiona was just a grown up version of Alison- but with 2 parents who were super super rich and flamboyant. 36 Another time, Alison created an identity so that this boy from Miniessota would tell her all the stories he had about his farm, his family and all about the football team he was on in his high school. She made him promise to save his first kiss for her, and he agreed. She named this persona Vicky- a tomboy from the city who fantasized since she was a little girl of what it would be like to live in the countryside and fall in love with a boy who would kiss her in the rain- like in that Rachel McAdams movie - The Notebook. Alison never saw the whole movie- but knew about the hype around it. Her favorite part of the scenes that she did see was the famous shot where the girl would be lifted up by the boy in the rain and they would share a passionate kiss. All of these characters - Vicky, Fiona, or whoever she created - were an extension of Alison, a part of her that was finally able to explore the world- the world wide web in this case. 37 15. Just a meeting Well it was almost 7pm, Alison’s mom would be pulling in the garage soon- and she’d finally have to tell her about the lady at school’s request for a meeting. Alison’s mom was always too tired when she got home from work - so Alison usually just kept to herself. But tonight was different- she had to tell mom about next week or she wouldn't even be able to walk on campus grounds- the school her mom worked so hard for her to get into. Alison had mediocre marks on her work from homeschool- and never took interest in her studies, and her mother felt that needed to change. And so this is why she enrolled Alison into St. Mark’s Academy for Girls- to motivate her studies, and of course to boast to the other moms in the community about how smart her daughter was. 38 Her mother really thrived on competitiveness, it was something that she took pride inbeing the best, having the best, and living the best. Perhaps it was because when her mother was a girl, she was also raised in the same way. Perhaps it was because she used this merit based life as something to compensate for what she felt was lacking in her life. The reasons could be a million, or it could be nothing- Alison was too frustrated trying to understand the reason why her mom acted the way she did a long time ago. She knew that none of these reasons mattered anyway, she just had to deal. “Mom,” Alison met her at the door. “There’s something I need to tell you- the school administrator wants to have a meeting with us on Monday at 11am. Will you be there?” “No, I have work that day. Tell her she can call me if she needs to speak to me,” her mother replied firmly, with a stern - but tired tone. 39 “Ok, no problem. It’s just a meeting anyway.” Alison replied with a bit of disappointment, but also a bit of relief too. She was used to her mother being absent on special days like these - like during summer camp, her mom was supposed to visit and watch her for “show and tell” day - but couldn't because she was too tired and wanted to relax at home. Camp was another refuge of Alison’s. Special days where she wanted her mom to come - like her violin recitals and art shows that she was able to be a part ofshe would be the one to drop her off and pick her up- but never was able to stay. So if Alison’s mom wasn’t able to make it to the conference, this meant that Alison might not be able to get in the school. Her mother cared a great deal- but it was obvious that Alison didn't. Maybe, she thought, the school master would turn me away! Oh, how great would that be- not having to deal with those mean, frumpy looking teachers she saw walking around the grounds. She would get to hang out at home all day, and not have to read anyone else’s books but hers. Paradise. Of course, Alison didn't know what was really going to become of her and that school, but her thoughts of paradise and peace at home by herself were enough for now. 40 41 16. Grapefruit It was hard for Alison, trying to get along with her new morning routine without Renashe missed her tutor so much. Alison slowly began to learn how to cherish her mornings, her me-time, alone. Her mother left to work usually before she got up - so she had the whole house to herself. Left unsupervised- the first thing Alison wanted to do this morning was to make herself fresh grapefruit juice from the fruit that hung from her neighbors tree. The tree grew over Alison’s backyard, and most of the time - there were many to pick from. She did enjoy the juicy texture, the sweet, tangy taste that came from this scrumptious fruit. Yum! Rena would occasionally make a glass for both of them. Today, Alison learned how to make a glass for herself. 42 Alison cut the pinkish orange grapefruit in half using the sharpest knife she could find. She cut it so perfectly, so symmetrical in half, just like Rena would. Alison was pleased with herself- looking at the two juicy grapefruit halves just waiting for her to squeeze. Remnants of the moist fruit lingered on the knife and on the cutting board, Alison licked some of the juice off the knife- for fun, just to see if she could get away with it without hurting herself. She then grabbed her favorite Hello Kitty mug and started squeezing the half cut fruit in the cup, one at a time. The cup quickly filled to the brim. Mission accomplished. Rena was gone, but the grapefruit juice tradition they had together, remained. 43 17. nuclear family Nuclear Family .What a strange phrase it was to Alison, who grew up in a non traditional home. Her household was everything that the nuclear family was not. Alison read about the term in some kind of magazine her mom brought home from the office last week. Alison loved to explore new topics, and always had a curious mind of her own. Sometimes her curiosity fed into her love and lust for life, sometimes it fed into her shadows- the part of her that made her confused, sad, and angry. 44 She didn't like to think about her family or other people's families much, because there was no use in thinking about something she didn't have. Comparing what you have and don't have- what a useless emotion- Alison always thought. It was just what it was. So what if she grew up in a non-traditional household? Something unlike the movies and tv shows she saw, the books she read? It's not about who we are, but it's about the choices we make, she told herself. It's not about who we are, but it's about the choices we make. It's not about who we are, but it's about the choices we make. This mantra was something she picked up in a Polish movie she saw one night on a streaming app of sorts. It made her realize that she was more than what her lineage was, she was more than what her family consisted of, she had free will. She had a choice. She had freedom. She had autonomy over her life and who she wanted to become. 45 That question the school counselor asked her about a week ago rang through her head all at once - “ what is it that you want? What is your greatest dream? Who do you want to be?” Alison remembered exactly what she was wearing that day, she remembered wearing her favorite lucky gray sweater, and she remembered how she wanted to disappear forever. The office was cold, the woman behind the desk was seemingly taunting her with the remark of how she was nothing but a “rag doll.” How Alison remembered the old antique but alluring energy the office had. She needed to prepare an answer for that woman in the office. She was nervous. She felt sick to her stomach. Filled with anxiety, she really wished she had someone to help guide her in these kinds of questions. These very questions maybe a nuclear family would have had no trouble helping her with. 46 18. Advice and then Courage Did Alison hear someone at the door? She checked her watch- it was 4:30 pm on the dot. It must be Molly. Thank Goodness! Alison hated getting in her own thoughts, and a visit from Molly is just what she needed at the time. “Hi!” Molly greeted Alison with a chipper voice. “Hey” Alison replied, as chipper as she could too. Molly noticed something wrong. She noticed Alison wasn't her usual self. “What's wrong Alison?” Molly asked. “Tell me.” Alison knew that she could confide in Molly with just about anything and everything. She was her true confidant. 47 “Well, “ Alison began “...there's this welcome meeting I have to attend next monday with the school counselor..” She told Molly everything, how she felt, the nervous butterflies in her stomach, the endless feeling of wanting to disappear, and that mean, mean lady who referred to her as “rag doll.” Alison finished with a question , asking Molly,” So What do you think about all of this? Isn't it awful?” 48 Molly replied with a surprising “no, not really.” She elaborated. “You see Alison, this is the perfect time for you to show her what your thoughts are, who you are, and what your boundaries are.” Molly’s parents were both psychiatrists so she knew all the ways to get around things, especially when dealing with other people. “If you show her that you are as weak as a jellyfish, she's going to treat you just like how she's been acting for the next 4 years of your high school years!” Molly continued “What you need to do is, read and watch some motivational videos about how to stand your ground with grace, and how to act toward adult bully authority figures like her. You know the kind on YouTube or whatever. She's not right at all, and she thinks she could get away with it. Why? Because someone just like you let that tactless woman go on treating her bad too. Don't let her do that to you. For yourself and for the other girls after you. Show her you're not to be reckoned with. Trust me on this one, Alison.” And she did. It sounded scary, all that confrontation. But Molly was right, if not now, when? She's going to continue to treat other kids badly, including herself- and for the next 4 years too! No way was Alison going to let that happen. 49 “Oh thank you Molly! You always have such good advice. Thank you thank you thank you! Hey- why don't you come inside for a moment and we can eat some noodles. My mom still has a lot of leftovers.” “ No thanks, I can't stay long, I have to head out to after school tutoring. Parents demand. I just wanted to say hi" Molly smiled. “Gotcha. Alright, then” Molly and Alison said their farewells and ended their special with the secret handshake and a big hug. Alison was filled with a different kind of feeling now. Different from the nervous kind. A feeling of intention, of apprehension, the unknown, but also of courage. 50 19. role models Some people are born with a supportive environment with a big family, and lots of role models to look up to. Some kids have lots of uncles and aunties to go to for advice if their parents weren't there. Some families were heavily involved with the church , so their kids had the youth pastor, and other adults there to depend on. And some had both parents to eat dinner with every night and ask them bothersome questions like “how was school” and “how's that tummy ache?” “Did that tooth finally fall out yet?” Other kids had no one, not even a mom to help with laundry. Other kids had foster homes, and even though the house would be packed- the kids were invisible. Oftentimes you would see them around town with their hair tangled and messy clothes with food stains on them. No one, it seemed, cared about them. No one was there to help straighten their hair. No one there to nag them, no one to even remind them to eat their breakfast, if they were even lucky to have any that day. 51 Alison was fortunate enough to have a hard working mom to rely on if anything happened. Her fridge was always stocked, and her mom, although strict, brought her daughter up quite well. Her mom would remind her to always be on time, be considerate of waiters and servers, and to give to the poor. She would also nag her about other things, but at least Alison had someone to nag her. After all, some kids don't have anyone! But as a latchkey kid, Alison didn't have her mom to talk about her joys, problems or issues with. And so, after Mollys visit, Allison thought about what her friend told her- and about what she could read or watch about how to stand up for yourself? Especially to an adult! Like Molly’s parents, Alison also loved to get into non fiction stuff- like philosophy and psychology texts - not the big textbooks like the ones in that dusty school office where she had to goto Monday- but, the colorful ones , with interesting titles, and cool graphics- the kinds you would find at Barnes and Noble. Alison was more than familiar with where she could find some motivational speeches- of course the internet had every answer in the world! 52 And Alison also couldn't forget about watching those dramatic scenes of movies and cheesy TV sitcoms with Rena, especially the scenes where someone would get so fed up that they would burst out into a long dramatic monologue. It was those unpredictable, yet strong characters - the ones that had the courage to change - that would make the whole show worthy to watch over and over. Because of these characters, these were the kinds of shows where people became instantly hooked. Role models. We all need at least someone to look up to, right? Oh, how Alison was tired of reading about other people making grand motivational speeches… and how she was simply fed up just passively watching those brave actors in those TV shows changing their lives for the better. She was tired of being a wallflower and letting things fly by! 53 Watching her life being handled and ordered around by everyone else but her made her mad. Alison made a choice that day. She was going to be that role model she always read about, and watched on TV. She was going to be the one who would make that kind of motivational speech that would make others want to do the same. It was Alison’s turn to stand up for herself, and maybe - even be a role model one day, too. 54 20. emotionally bulletproof As a strong young lady, like her mom, Alison kept all emotions bottled up inside. She didnt ever really cry- in fact, she didn't even remember the last time she did. Maybe it was her spotty memory, or maybe Alison was strong like her mom, after all. None of those reasons or memories of why or when mattered. Today was today, and today was different. 55 As Alison thought of all the ways she would stand her ground, and all the ways she would try and make the lady behind the desk feel bad (just like the way she felt), she started to look for stories like her own. And just like that, her instagram feed came up with stories and reels with people that were or are in her exact shoes, with sad, angry kids telling the world about how they felt. She saw some other things online about how other people were bullied at school, by their teachers and classmates, and how they dropped out. Alison paused. Maybe I should do the same before it gets any worse? She read about people who she thought were bullet proof who had it pretty bad - celebrities like Megan Fox, Jennifer Lawarnce, Demi Lavato.. Kurt Cobain, Eminiem… the list went on and on! How inspiring, and how very sad at the same time, Alison thought to herself. A world full of mean people in charge, how could these people manage? School was a safe place, she thought, to learn, try and make mistakes, and try again. How and why would people be so cruel to others who were tired and wanted to learn? Alisons thoughts spiraled. This happened every so often when she would try to figure out something that made no sense to her, especially when she was by herself. 56 Once, Alison’s thoughts flooded her brain so much that she got very sick. Her mom was worried, and so were her doctors.They were almost too late to help her. She was sent away to the hospital for a few days- where the nurses and doctors there gave her food and looked after her. She was in a better state of mind after she left, but she was in a brain fog for months after from all the medicine they gave her. Although the time at the hospital did help nurse her back to health, She didn't want to go back there- especially since she saw how worried her mom was about her last time. And all of a sudden, Alison started crying and crying. She didn't know how to stop. She was all alone in this, and no one could help her but herself. She didn't want to stand up to anyone, in fact - she just wanted to get along and maybe learn a thing or two at the new school. She didn't want to raise her voice or prepare a long speech about how adults should treat kids, especially if a kid was their student. She didn't want to deal with the world by herself. She was alone in her house, and with no one else around, she cried and cried. And then, she cried some more. 57 58 21. a sign After Alison let herself cry for a good half hour or so (was it longer? It seemed like itshe never was good with time anyway), she remembered years ago what her Sunday school teacher told the morning bible class about prayer. The teacher told the class that faith even the size of a mustard seed could move mountains. She did this once or twice before, half heartedly- and sometimes she did see signs and little miracles happen. 59 Like the time she really wanted a Mulan Disney Barbie doll one christmas. It just came out, and she was eyeing it for a while at Costco, where her mom would take her shopping on Sunday evenings. When Alison finally got the courage to ask her mom to buy the doll for her, but her mom replied with a no- that she needed to read and study for her homeschooling sessions with Rena. Her mom valued education more than anything - and she would always push Alison to study, study, study! Rena was her only instructor, and it really was unfair that she would always give Alison the longest and most boring assignments that she didn't care about. Alison was quick and liked to study the things only she found fun and interesting. Even though most of the time, Alison knew all the answers on Rena’s tests- she didn't care much about those silly marks. Marks were for lameos that wanted to fit in a standard, boring mold, anyway. Alison would rush through most of her assignments just so that she could have free time to do the things she liked- playing in the backyard, watching the rolly pollys scrunch up on the ground by the flower bed, enjoying her time outside trying to spot the little red ladybugs she loved so much. Alison also loved reading books, but of course only the ones she could pick out from the library. It was fine for her to have wrong answers on those assignments. Her mother, on the other hand, had other opinions about that. So 60 when Alison's mother told her that she wouldn't get her the doll because she needed to study more, she was more annoyed than upset. Alison just had church earlier that day, and they were talking about the power of prayer. She didn't care too much about church, but she found some of the stories and lessons they had were interesting. That day, she wanted to see for herself if they were true or not. So she prayed all week- like her Sunday school teacher told them to. She prayed and prayed for that doll, and that very next Sunday - she got the doll! Of course, Alison had to do her part and bug her mom every way she knew how. She told her mom that this would be her Christmas present and that she wouldn't ask for anything else. She also told her that Rena said it would be good for her to have a Barbie doll like Mulan to help with her studies (it was partly true, Rena did say that she should find some motivation with her studies- Alison did what she had to do for that doll!) So, from then - Alison knew prayers worked. Throughout the years, little signs and miracles like that would happen for her- and she was happy that there was truth and a bit of magic in life in what these adults would tell her. 61 This time, Alison prayed that she would stop crying. She asked God with all her heart and soul to give her a sign that she wasn't alone during this time. She hoped that He would help her find a silver lining in this miserable situation. She prayed and prayed until she went to sleep, and prayed even more the next day. She didn't give up, and she gave it her all- because this was a situation that really made her depressed about starting her brand new school. Alison was so sad didn't even eat her meals for those past few days - only when she had the energy to. That Saturday, before she had to head into the school office and have another awful conversation with that lady- she saw her sign! It was a literal sign- a billboard, in fact. The sign always had some advertisement that caught the attention of the people in the city driving by. The billboard on the big street where she would walk past that school was different that day. It was one of those motivational “pass it on” advertisements. 62 Ever since Alison could remember, these advertisements were filled with glimmers of hope and sparkles of fun in the most unexpected pockets of her city. These signs usually had a famous celebrity with a motivational quote on those signs. Today’s sign was a little different. The billboard, with a white backdrop- had a picture of an anonymous middle aged woman with a dead glare, sporting an ugly sweater with frazzled mousey brown hair. Strangely enough, this anonymous woman looked very, very similar to that dreadful woman at sch00l- she even had the same bitter, miserable expression! The quote for this “pass it on” billboard advised the people passing by “Don't be bitter, Get better.” Wow, Alison thought to herself- what a sign. 63 22. gossamer thin Before this point, Alison’s spirit was worn gossamer thin. That sign she saw made her mind at ease, and finally- the self-defeating dialogue in her brain stopped. The fragile state she was getting herself in scared her. She had lost color in her face during that week, and was too tired to do anything but pray her way out of her distress. Miracles made her smile, and that's what she loved about prayer and the church. She wasn't ever the one to ask her mom to go to church, or the first to raise her hand during Sunday school. She didn't know many verses by heart, though the meanings and the ideas behind the parables told by her teachers on Sunday would stick in the back of her mind. 64 It was Saturday evening, Alison was in her kitchen and as she was filling her hello kitty cup with milk- she started glancing outside the window. She admired the sunset- the colorful sky, filled with oranges, pinks and hues of purple. Alison loved the fact of how it just was- the sunset never needed an announcement of how great the view was going to be. It simply just was breathtaking that day. Then, she glanced at the red white and blue flag that she could count on hanging on the pole in Aiden’s front yard. The word “trust” popped into her little heart. She knew what that meant- she needed to trust that she was going to be ok. Like all the other times she felt alone and small - scared to bother her mom with questions, she needed to trust that her life problems eventually would turn out the way it was supposed to. She put in her ipods to try and soothe herself, and started her Spotify playlist. The first song was something she stumbled on youtube the other day- “fight song” by rachel platten. Alison listened to the lyrics, and enjoyed the singer’s delicate voice serenading her mind with lyrics of courage. 65 23. A new teacher The room was exactly the same as Alison remembered as she walked into the school office Monday morning. She felt the super cold air conditioning blowing above her as she sat down waiting for the frumpy mousey brown haired woman. Looking around the room - everything was in its place, the gaudy, dusty frames with the woman’s name in big letters plastered on the wall, those black university plaques on her desk still echoing that same kind of misery and hint of desperation she saw in that woman’s eyes the other week and, of course, the same enchanting brown shiny desk Alison was enamored with the week before. Somehow, the desk seemed less alluring and more blase to her today. It reminded her of the type of brown she would see in the fertilizer her mother would buy for their backyard flower bed. 66 “Get better, not bitter,” Alison reminded herself. After all, she knew from the other day when Molly told her that this wasn’t the first time the woman had been a jerk to incoming students. That last time Alison visited her office, she took the woman’s remark too personally. Alison thought to herself, this time I’ll just try to ignore her hurtful words. She didn't feel like confronting anyone today, it took too much of her energy thinking about all that and the words that might or might not work on this grouchy lady. Alison knew that she should stand up for herself and follow Molly’s advice, but she was very tired and felt like crawling in her bed to sleep for the whole rest of the week. A strange man walked in, someone Alison never saw before. He was wearing a kind of plain sky blue dress shirt and almost pressed khakis, with stubble wrinkles on the seam. You could tell he was trying his best, but you could also tell that he didn't think he was enough. His shoes were shiny, not in the luxurious kind of shiny spotted on display at the mall, but the kind of shiny that you noticed was out of place and way too bright for the room. 67 He greeted Alison with a tired, sarcastic smile. Immediately, Alison knew that the lady last week spoke with him and it was obvious he also did not like Alison one bit more than the other teacher did. Alison rolled her eyes at this whole situation. What was this man’s problem? He looked like a teenage boy in an outfit that was 5 sizes too big for him. If she didn’t know better, she would have guessed he was a student from the boys high school across town. Alison sneered at him. She decided she didn't like him one bit either. Unlike last week, Alison wasn’t taking any more attitude from anyone new. The girl finally piped up. “So where’s Miss. B? I’m supposed to see her today.” He replied in his phony voice “I’ll be seeing you today, Alison. She’s out for the day. Sit.” Alison sat down. She glared at him. 68 For a second, he was confused by her mutual disdain. How could a student treat him with the same disregard and cold attitude? He quickly looked down and started typing some nonsense on his laptop. Without looking up from his desk, he introduced himself and handed her her first semester’s schedule, and told her that he would see her next week with Miss. B. for the first day of class. “Is that all?” Alison asked abruptly The new teacher started clearing his throat out of surprise- as if he didnt expect the same sarcastic attitude from the girl. “Yes.” “Ok, thanks. Bye then!” Alison replied sweetly as she could as she skipped out the door with a big smile. She was relieved it was all over, especially since she didn't have to run into Miss B. that morning. 69 24. hair Alison had long black hair that she loved to buy accessories for. It was her way of expressing herself. She had a whole collection of bows, scrunchies (silk, her favorite), delicate barrettes made of rhinestones, pastel colored hair ties, multi patterned cat ears, and colorful little clips of all kinds. No matter what mood she was in, decorating her hair was the thing she cherished the most. Other girls in the neighborhood, who were much younger than her, also loved to admire Alison’s hair accessories. Some kids would even ask their mom to get some just like Alisons. Alison had impeccable taste for matching colors and the type of style that never would go out of style. She was a trend setter among the other girls in the neighborhood, and she knew it. However, Alison liked to be guarded and kept to herself- even though this meant that she had to be alone all the time, it was fine for her because it was safer that way anyway. She was very guarded with letting people in her life, and didn't want to really talk to anyone except Molly. 70 After that dreaded school meeting, Alison was almost skipping back home, playing with her hair with a big grin on her face. She was filled with such relief that day, and so she wanted to celebrate herself with a new hair tie. The corner store sold all kinds of goodies- beauty and hair things, stickers, stamps, art supplies, along with other trinkets like cute pencils, and pens. Shopping at the corner store was one of her favorite past times with Rena. Now that she was gone, it would be the first time Alison would visit the shop by herself. 71 The store was owned by an older couple, and had been there ever since the girl could remember. As she walked in, little welcoming chimes went off from the sensor at the door. Alison looked around and browsed at all the new merchandise that the owners got in since the last time she visited. Admiring the cute bright bows, silky scrunchies, patterned hair ties, and clips, Alison thought to herself - wow, all of them are so adorable! Maybe even cuter than last time she went a few weeks ago. Alison had even a bigger smile on her face than when she walked in, but at the same time- she also had an empty feeling in her stomach since Rena wasn’t there to enjoy the experience with her. When her tutor was around, Rena would tell the girl fun and interesting facts about the things she saw in the shop. Her tutor knew about a lot of things, and when they would visit the store, Rena would mention things that Alison could recall even to this day- like how certain styles became popular throughout the years, which country created the best type of handiwork, and also facts about what years certain colors and patterns were trending. Her tutor would sometimes mention about the sweatshops that some of these clips were made from, and how to tell the difference between a handmade clip vs a factory mass production clip. Rena especially liked to talk about how some eras carried particular sentimental value to her, and the historical importance of why she preferred 72 one over another. It was nice for both of them, because Alison liked to learn about these interesting tidbits too. Alison finally spotted the scrunchy she wanted. It was a big black poofy silk one with a piece of the same colored silk tied around one end, creating a perfect look that Alison was able to envision with her own black sporty ponytail. So, Alison took the hair tie and walked to the counter. She started to count the change in her wallet, hoping she had enough. The store clerk today was a woman who looked at Alison with adoration. She remembered Alison and her tutor Rena walking in every saturday morning to browse and, sometimes would leave with a trinket or two. The shop owner could tell that Alison, just like Rena, had cultivated a skilled eye for quality items. 73 Warmly, the woman behind the counter greeted Alison with a friendly hello. Since news traveled fast in this town, she knew that her tutor moved a few weeks ago, and now that she was gone, Alison was all on her own. And so when Alison asked how much the black silk hair tie was, the owner of the store replied with a simple smile and wink. “Nothing, this one is on me.” Alison’s heart, again, was filled with joy. For that moment, she had almost forgotten about all the knots and worry, the discomfort and tears she had just days before. The girl smiled and replied with a sincere “Thank you!” Alison loved her new hair tie, and was sure that Molly would like it too the next time she came over. 74 25. Trust Alison didn't trust the other kids that lived in the area, and for good reasons too. She heard stories (mostly from her mom) that many of the kids came from “broken homes,” metaphorically speaking, and not all things that glittered were gold. Her mom was very big on pride, and showing off because of the type of culture she grew up in when she was Alison’s age. Fear and demoralization haunted her mother growing up, America wasn't her home like it was Alisons- and so her mother could not understand certain values like individuality, grace, and trust. Alison was warned repeatedly not to hang out with people who might be a bad influence, or put bad ideas in her head. 75 Rumors spread like wildfire around the neighborhood, and Alison’s heart would sink every time she heard bad news. Of course, there was some good news that she would be happy to hear about, like when the next door neighbor’s baby was born, or when the family down the street decided to paint their houses in a color she really liked. Alison was happy when other people were happy too. On the flipside, Alison was also heartbroken when she would hear rumors about her neighbors going through tough times - adults getting laid off, money problems, divorces, neighbors who were recovering from tragic illnesses that no one really knew about, infidelity.. The list of bad news, like the news on TV, seemed to go on and on. Alison also knew about how some of the older kids liked to take advantage of the younger ones in inappropriate ways, and to stay far away from them too. And believe it or not, years ago, before Alison was even born , a neighbor across the street, actually broke into someone's house and stole their piggy bank! The robber is still living with his mother as an adult. Rumor had it that he used the money to buy illegal things which landed him in juvenile hall for a few years. 76 All of these stories were caged and wrapped perfectly inside these beautiful houses along Alison’s street. Even though this neighborhood looked like a postcard you would see for a suburban town, the insides were dark and confusing as could be. And to think of the traditions you read about in books, that neighbors were to trust each other in good faith. Nope, Alison realized as a young girl that kind of life was saved only in story fairytales and on TV. She didn't want to be more despondent with life than she already was. Alison happily chose her solitude over disappointment. 77 26. Glitter As Alison walked home, she had a big smile on her face and was quite satisfied how the day turned out. The sun was warm and bright, not a cloud in sight. Birds were singing, and even the brownish Autumn leaves looked perfect. The distance from the store to her house was not that long, but when she turned the corner on the street she lived on, she stopped dead in her tracks. There was a boy with shaggy brown hair throwing rocks at her front door! It looked like he was doing it for a good while because there were rocks all over the ground. She didn't know what to do but to watch him throw rock after rock at her front door. Her mother mentioned that there was a family with a son her age who moved into the neighborhood a few months ago. Alison never bothered to scope them out because most of the time she would be reading or thinking about problems and issues that bothered her. She had a habit of being stuck in her own head a lot of the time. 78 Oh wow, immediately Alison knew this kid is obviously one of those with a broken family, and probably from a family with not enough food in the fridge. The girl had empathy for others, and maybe sometimes to a fault. She always tried to see the good in people and the situation, even if it was hurting her. Alison felt sorry for the boy that he was so angry, but she also of course was mad that anyone would be doing this. The neighborhood was not particularly wealthy, but the families on the block definitely were civil and well mannered. She knew she was going to tell Molly and even her mom about this situation. When it came to peers her own age, Alison had no problem speaking her mind. Even though she liked being alone on most days, she knew how to use her voice whenever she wanted help or needed something to be done. 79 After a minute of watching this shaggy haired boy throw rocks at her front door, the girl planned to walk up to him and give him a piece of her mind. As she tied her hair in her new silk black bow she got from the store, Alison spotted Aiden. She didn't want to run into him and be greeted with his silly goofy wave and toothy smile. But she also didn't want the new boy to continue what he was doing. So she waited. She also noticed Aiden was waiting too. He had a 711 big gulp in his hand and watched the new boy being the brat he was. The new boy on the block finally stopped throwing rocks, it looked like he had run out - he looked around to see if anyone saw him, and to him, it seemed as if the coast was clear. He ran back to his home, which was only a few houses down the street. Aiden also left. And so Alison continued walking to her house too. Alison wasn't too upset, because she knew he was a troubled kid, and that's what troubled kids do. She told her mom about it the next morning before she headed off to work, and her mother replied in her usual matter of fact tone - “This is why you have to be careful who you play with and become friends with.” Alison knew her mother was right, and agreed. She watched her mom drive away to work that morning. 80 As she looked outside her window, admiring the same view she did every morning - the red white and blue flag, all she could think of was how perfect yesterday went at that school meeting. Suddenly, she saw Aiden, with a backpack and his old worn out chuck taylors. How curious Alison thought to herself, where could he be going? She continued to watch and noticed he didn't wave to her that morning. It seemed as if he was on a mission, and couldn't be bothered by anything else. A few moments passed, and as Alison peeked outside her window, she saw Aiden run to the new boy's tree house on the front lawn. She was taken aback, the girl didn't know he could run that fast! Alison watched Aiden climb up the new boy’s crooked broken tree house. What was that boy up to? Ailson went to the fridge to pour some milk in her favorite mug, and continued watching. Ailson waited to see what Aiden would do next. Aiden came down the treehouse rather quickly, but with a backpack obviously stuffed with things that were not Aiden’s to begin with. 81 Alison didn't know what to think of this situation, because it was very unlike that boy across the street to do such a thing. Aiden had a very good reputation around the neighborhood, and unless there was something Alison didn't know about him, he always stuck to the rules, was respectful, polite and quiet -and all the parents loved him because of that. It was none of her business anyway. She knew from the stories she read about, that not all that glitters is gold. 82 27. curious Alison stepped away from the kitchen window for a brief moment. She was about to make a cup of grapefruit juice for herself, just like the way her tutor used to for both of them every morning. When she was grabbing a knife from the kitchen drawer, she sensed something was wrong. What she saw was completely out of Aiden’s character, and why didn't he go straight home afterwards? Alison thought of the neighbor that would also steal from the houses a long time ago, and wondered if Aiden got mobbed. She also thought that maybe Joey came home early and found Aiden with his backpack and all of Joey's belongings inside. Ailsion took a peek out the window again - Aiden wasnt back in his front yard playing. Strange, Alison thought. Alison continued to make grapefruit juice, with extra pulp this time. She drank the whole cup rather quickly than savoring the bitter sweet taste she loved. 83 Since Alison was home alone - she wanted to get out of the house and maybe explore the corner store if they had any new hair clips or scrunchies to discover. Maybe on the way, she thought to herself, she might spot Aiden getting beat up by Joey or something. Since she was homeschooled, she didn't really witness fights of any kind. Alison put on her jacket and walked out the kitchen door, making sure it was locked (she didn't want Aiden to rob her too). She put her airpods in since she often would take solace in some of the songs she listened to. Her play list was extensive, and had some happy peppy songs too. She randomly chose “sunny came home” . She loved the singer’s voice- each time she listened to this song, she imagined that she wasn't all alone in this curious, strange world, because the person singing her song might have felt this way too. How could someone sing someone else's story with such an enchanting voice anyway? 84 Taking the same shortcut Alison and her tutor used to, she started to walk through the alley way. Suddenly, as she turned the corner, she spotted Aiden on the floor. He had candy, toys and books all around him. Obviously these items were stolen from Joey’s treehouse. What really concerned Alison was how Adien was passed out on the floor . His eyes were closed shut , as if he were praying like he did at church. The girl could still hear Aiden struggling to breathe. She couldn't just stand there watching her neighbor like that. Alison couldn't get help from any adults in the neighborhood because she knew they were all away at work. The girl thought of Molly, and what she told her just a few weeks ago about saving lives. Molly told her that, similar to CPR, * if you spit in someone else's mouth, they would have an adverse reaction to the DNA. As a result of this, the person would quickly wake up, no matter how bad the situation was. (*reader: if you find someone choking, do not spit, get an adult to help asap) So, Alison stood over Aiden with his mouth open - she was preparing a big loogie to spit into Aiden’s mouth. She focused on her aim, because she did not want to make another spitball again. The loogie landed successfully in Aiden’s mouth. Almost instantly, Aiden became conscious and started to open his eyes. 85 Alison took a few steps back and observed the boy waking up. She didn't want to really talk to Aiden, but was glad he wasn't dead -because she would have to call the police, and deal with adults in uniform all evening. So after checking Aiden out, making sure he was ok - she skipped to her favorite store, as planned, hoping to find a unique hair piece to add to her collection. 86 Chapter 28 The Battle of Joy Her tutor had been gone for several weeks now, and Alison eventually learned to love walks on her own to her favorite store. Sometimes she felt like Xena the warrior princess, an old TV show her nanny would watch in the evenings. Other times, she felt so very alone and scared with her thoughts. Today slowly became one of those days. After saving her neighbor’s life and leaving him behind, she quickly went back to her mission walking to the shop. At first, Alison didn't pay much attention to how she felt inside while skipping there to buy a new hair tie. But her feelings eventually did catch up to her. Alison never was the one to enjoy feeling her feelings- what she buried inside. The girl would distract herself with many things like reading, shopping, zoning out in front of the TV, and lately, cultivating her curiosity of the neighborhood and the world around her. Lately, she had found another source of refuge, walking to the corner store - taking the very same shortcut she would with Rena, alone. 87 As Alison walked farther away from her home, and closer to her destination, she began to think about Aiden, and how he was so lucky to still be homeschooled. Even though she didn't see Ms B that day during the scheduled meeting, Alison didn't forget the words turned to wounds she carried from the first day of meeting her. All the girl really wanted was to be accepted for who she was. Unintentionally, almost like an emotional earthquake, Alison’s mind kept replaying the harsh tone and the choice of words the school administrator used that day. “Rag doll” “don't waste my time,” all while referring to their meeting as a “game”, something to be mocked and scoffed at. She hated when her mind would spiral. She absolutely hated it. Many times, she would try to shut out the negativity with those tools of refuge she picked up throughout the years, but this time it didn't work. Alison was on a walk, and she didn't have any of her defenses at hand. Her books were at home, the shop was still a little bit away, and of course she couldn't just flop on her couch to numb her mind with the staticy TV right then and there. All she had was her phone and her teary eyes. She didn't know what to do- but she knew how she felt. She couldn't take it any more. Feeling so glum and defeated. She then remembered the new teacher, and how he scowled at her walking in. She did put on a brave face that day, but today, she knew she didn't feel as brave. Alison 88 remembered how he spoke to her with the same disdain as the other woman, and how she tried her best for him not to get under her skin either. That day, it seemed as if she won the battle she made in her head. The battle of joy. But today, everything, all the emotions came flooding back, and 10 times harder. Alison decided to turn back around and run home. She wanted to cry, just like Aiden was able to on that pavement where she left him. She wanted to disappear in her bed, never to meet another memory or scary authority figure again. Why was she feeling these things? Was it something to do with her repressed memories and unresolved problems that she tried to push so far away and wished so bad for it to be gone? Probably. It was no use revisiting those things anyway, right? Finally, Alison came home. She sat in the kitchen. Out of panic and her intense desire to make these feelings go away, she opened the knife drawer. She grabbed the sharpest one she could find- the one she used to cut grapefruit with every morning. She grabbed it by the handle and started to cut her wrist. She wanted the pain to end. She thought she wanted to die but what she really wanted was more so for all of these dark, 89 confusing thoughts to disappear. And as with each drop of blood that fell to the kitchen floor, it did. 90 The End 91 Chapter 29: Victory As Alison watched her arm bleed, seeing the red ooze down her wrist- she suddenly came to her senses. She didn't want to die like this! Not because of Miss B or that new teacher, Dr. Dumbow? Was that his name? Anyway- she quickly found a nearby rag and wrapped it around her wrist. Oh what a mistake she made trying to hurt herself. It wasn't the first time she did something like this- harming herself. This time, she was reminded of the hospital room and the worried look on her mothers face with her words of disappointment and anger ringing in her ear. She remembered the nice nurse who braided her hair, but she also remembered the pale rooms and the nights spent wondering when she was ever going to get back home to her own bed. The girl didnt want that to happen again- she knew the repercussions of having such a nervous breakdown like that and what it could lead to. Alison cleaned up the kitchen, the stains on the knife and set everything in the kitchen back in place- it was as if nothing happened. No one ever knew what the girl was really up to - or what she did when she was at home, so her going to school was a blessing in 92 disguise- at least she had somewhere to go to other than to stay at home ruminating about things that she couldn't change. Glancing at the oven clock, Alison noticed that it was around 4pm, wow did the morning go by so slowly. Having a tendency to compartmentalize her emotions and thoughts quickly - she asked herself what was she doing back at home anyway? Wasn't she supposed to be at the store picking out a new hair tie? And what happened to the yellow twilly on her head that she wore out that morning? Oh she hated her things went missing, but it was part of how she was - losing track of time, forgetting things. The girl was long overdue to be checked out for these issues long ago, so it just became a way of living for her. Retracing her steps, she remembered going to the store, and spotting her neighbor on the floor crying. She remembered she stopped out of curiosity and realized it was Aiden. The girl also remembered that it was her first time saving someone from choking (all thanks to her best friend and her ever so crafty yet crafty pieces of advice). Her twilly must have been left somewhere around there. As Alison sighed out of frustration, she rolled her eyes- just great, she thought to herself, she wished that Aiden had picked up the things he stole from the new kid on the block and left already. She 93 also hoped her hair tie would still be around where it fell earlier that day. Maybe it was just outside in the front yard, in her mothers flower garden. So, Alison grabbed her phone and walked out the kitchen door, retracing her steps. She got the yellow hair tie when her tutor was still living at the house about a year ago, and it was really one of a kind- one of her favorites. Walking towards the alleyway, Alison looked on the sidewalks and her neighbors’ green plastic manicured lawns. Still nothing. It was a quiet afternoon, the birds were done singing their songs for the day and the neighbors were all either at work or at daycare. No one really came out to play during the week, and so the streets were desolate with no sign of her favorite twilly. As she was about to head back, she heard someone coughing. Was it Aiden? The sound coming from the alley seemed to be more of a mix between sobbing and choking than a cough. She quickly said a prayer and hoped it wasn't her goofy neighbor. Her prayers worked more often than not, but she also knew that sometimes not all prayers could be answered in the way she wanted. 94 Alison never liked to see people in pain, and she knew now she couldn't turn around with a good conscience. Curious Alison peeked around the corner, and there was Aiden. Choking and crying in agony, again. This time, he looked as if he was crying more out of sadness or was it remorse? than whatever snack he was struggling with in his little sweet talking, troublemaker mouth. Alison assessed the situation and saw that Aiden was clearly going to be ok, and that he just needed a good punch in the stomach to clear his passageway. Thank goodness she didn't have to prepare a loogie this time. Alison remembered her wise friend’s advice about different ways to save someone from choking death. Besides spitting, Alison knew that she could also save him using her hands by hitting Aiden right in the gut. She never liked to hit anyone, but it seemed as if it was the only choice she had. As she was preparing to hit him as hard as she could, she suddenly remembered how loud her mom would yell at her if she overslept. Maybe the same thing will work on her neighbor? The girl got close to Aiden’s left ear and used her voice as loud as she could “Ai-den Rong!” (pronounced just like the word, Wrong). She knew his last name because his Highlights magazine (with the wrong address) would be delivered to her house every month, which - since it was her favorite magazine- she kept to herself. As 95 soon as Aiden heard his name- he came to his senses, and somehow the candy that was in his mouth came out and hit the pavement. Wow, Alison thought to herself, that boy definitely has a sweet tooth. She yelled in his ear again just for fun, and quickly ran off giggling. Victory was hers, she loved to play pranks on boys in real life too, not just on the internet. Alison didn’t find her yellow twilly that day, but she left the alley satisfied that she was able to get away pulling that long overdue prank on her neighbor. 96 Aiden: Table of Contents Chapter 1: “It’s my life” Chapter 2 : Something about God Chapter 3 : Shoes Chapter 4 : Rancho L'abri Chapter 5: the invisible line Chapter 6: the neighborhood Chapter 7: peanuts Chapter 8: a Bargain with God 97 Chapter 9: Jawbreaker Chapter 1o: New Kryptonite 98 99 1. “It’s my life” Aiden was looking down at his plate. Meatballs and spaghetti - a meal that his mom liked to make once a week. He picked up a fork and started playing around with the noodles. His father was already at the table, scarfing his own dish down. He loved everything his wife cooked for him, and would eat whatever was on his plate to the last bite. Except one time during thanksgiving, Aiden’s father once told him that he hoped she wouldn't make pecan pie again, because he hated the taste of pecans. Funny thing was, Aiden saw his father scarf down the pie, just like he did with his favorite stuffing side dish. Aiden knew that his father did this because he loved his mother, even though he hated pecans. 100 Tonight, there was no pecan pie, just spaghetti and meatballs, salad with balsamic dressing and some mochi ice cream treats in the fridge for dessert. As Aiden ’s mom sat down, she started telling her husband about something she saw on the news, how she was worried about the safety of the neighborhood, and the things that needed fixing around the house. Aiden’s dad just nodded - half listening, half eyeing the fridge for some desert. This was a normal weekday dinner for Aiden’s family. His mom made sure for everyone to at least have one meal together everyday- it was some advice she heard on the radio one day that would hopefully create a stronger bond within the family. His mom always had an eye out for things like that. 101 The spaghetti was getting cold, so Aiden scarfed down his plate quickly -just like his father did. His mother looked pleased to see everyones plates empty, as she made a salad and spaghetti plate for herself. His mom continued to chat about this and that as Aiden sat quietly, waiting for everyone to be finished to get on his computer. He didn't have any homework, or anything urgent to do - he just loved spending time surfing the net. His parents would nag him to play outside or “get some fresh air” but ever since his father put a computer in the study room, Aiden was glued to the screen. So, they eventually enforced a rule- one hour of computer time a day, and only after dinner. All he wanted to do was to go online to watch some music videos and maybe look for some new games to download. Aiden wanted more time, but knew that rules were rules, and he couldn't break them until he turned 18. Everyone finally finished dinner, and off Aiden went to the study room. He plopped in front of the computer, put his big headphones on, went to YouTube and played his favorite bon jovi song - “it's my life.” Aiden watched the music video with a big grin on his face as he saw the boy on the screen answering the phone and then running off to a concert of his very own. 102 2. Something about God “The boy just turned 13, what does he know about God anyway? There isn't any use spending our Sundays over there every weekend.” Aiden overheard his father talking to his mother about the week's schedule. The family had a tight shift between work, taking care of the house, Aiden, and other things that would pop up - like doctors appointments and random things like that. Aiden liked spending time with his father on the weekends, and so did his father. His dad was more of an intellectual- preferred books over feelings, the seen versus the unseen. He didn't believe in miracles much, and neither did Aiden- or at least he didn't want to admit it. Aiden was at the age where he wanted to please his father, but also wanted to discover more about the world on his own terms. His parents had governed over most of his schedule, so it was a bit hard for him to do that. 103 Overhearing his dad mention that Sundays would free up made Aidens ears perk up. He didn't like sitting in the boring service or helping the youth group set up the lunch tables. He didn't mind so much dressing in an itchy tie and wearing his hard leather shoes to Sunday service, but gluing his hair with gel was a whole other ordeal that he dreaded every time he went. He would spend at least 30 minutes trying to get every bit of his hair plastered down on to his scalp. It was merely impossible to make it perfect and smooth like his mother wanted- but he managed to anyway each time. The only thing he really looked forward to on Sundays was being by Alison. When his family would arrive before service, he would sometimes watch Alison hop out of her car. Each sunday, around 10:15 - Alison would get dropped off by her mom in the church parking lot. And each sunday, Aiden would see Alison wave goodbye to her mom and then turn away with a sad look on her face. Aiden wanted to make her smile, but didnt know how. He didn't have the courage to talk to her- even though she lived right across the street from him. But he would try his best to wave to her every time he spotted her, just like his father did on mornings before he left for work. 104 Not going to service on Sundays meant that Aiden wouldn't be able to see Alison those mornings anymore. He felt a pang in his chest just thinking about it. It wasn't like he had a crush on her or anything like that- at least not that he was aware of - he just didn't want to miss the opportunity to finally make her smile. He was always a kind and thoughtful boy, the kind of boy that would help an old lady with her groceries without asking. He was the kind of boy who would be the last to draw attention to himself- not because he was shy, but because he wanted to give everyone else their time to speak, and because he was actually interested in what they had to say. He was the kind of boy that you would see on a Boy Scouts Magazine cover, if they had one. A True- Blue. As his parents were discussing Sunday morning plans, he chimed in, “Sunday services aren't so bad, I'm interested in what they have to say sometimes- maybe it's something about God.” His mother looked at Aiden, and back at his father, with a smile of approval on her face, she announced- “So - there's our answer- our Sunday mornings will stay the same!” 105 Aiden had a smile of approval too. Maybe even bigger than his mom’s. 106 3. Shoes Aiden wasn't a very active boy at all, and the choice of what he wore on his feet reflected it. Worn out Chuck Taylors, frayed at the ends that he still kept from 2 birthdays ago. Both of his parents wanted him active, and disliked the idea of him in front of the computer and stuck on his phone. They both wanted the best for him, as his dad wanted him to play sports with the other boys in the neighborhood, while his mother was concerned about his health and how chubby he was getting. Aiden was an average looking boy, and had an innocent toothy smile which would get him out of any kind of trouble he wanted. His chubby demeanor helped too. Who would expect such a sweet pudgy boy to harm even a fly? Oh, but all the things that he did get away with! Aiden was a mischievous little boy with a mind that could get out of almost any kind of trouble. 107 Just a few weeks ago, Aiden set his mother’s cooking mitten on fire. He would often experiment in the kitchen, and this time- he was trying to make dumplings. It was obvious Aiden wasn’t a very good cook, and quite the novice. The dumplings he was attempting to stir fry caught on fire, right along with the mitten he was using. When his mother found her burnt mitten on the kitchen table after running errands one evening, she immediately ran into Aiden’s room to check on if her son was ok. She wanted to ask her son if he was burned in any way. And before she could say anything, Aiden told her not to be alarmed by the burned mitten in the kitchen. He calmly explained that it was for an experiment for a science project he found on YouTube, that he wanted to surprise his father when he got home later that evening. Aiden’s mother was confused, but never would she second guess those chubby cheeks, after all- he was her only and dearest son! Aiden went on to say that since the mitten wasn't the right kind of material that was needed for the experiment to work, that it simply just burned. So he ended his story like with all other of his tall tales- with a toothy smile. His mother loved him, and would believe anything he said- and he knew it. 108 These days, it was obvious Aiden was eating more than burnt dumplings. Boy was he getting big! Even Aiden himself was tired of being so fat. His pants barely fit him, he was uncomfortable in his own skin. Lately, he’s been a bit more self conscious. What if the girl across the street wasn’t waving back because of how his clothes didn't fit right? He had to do something about this. He wanted to feel good in his clothes. He wanted his parents to stop nagging him. And of course, he wanted Alison, the girl across the street, the girl he saw on Sunday mornings, to pay attention to him. As usual, Aiden was mindlessly scrolling on his phone. An ad caught his eye. It was an athletic boy getting chased by pretty girls in the school playground. He was charming, mature, suave, and everything Aiden thought a boy his age should be. It was a commercial for shoes. And how they made Aiden’s eyes glitter with envy! That day, he decided he wanted to be, look, and feel like how that boy was in the commercial. He wanted those shoes. He wanted to feel good about himself, he wanted girls to notice him. He wanted his father’s approval and his mother’s looks of concern turned into looks of admiration. 109 As Aiden took out his piggy bank, and counted all the bills he needed for a new pair of shoes, he imagined himself getting chased by girls on the playground. He imagined himself playing a sport his father approved of. Aiden’s heart was set on what he wanted. New shoes. 110 4. Rancho L'abri Summer camps with other kids were Aiden’s favorite type of getaway ever since he could remember. Even though Aiden was content with where and how he was growing up - he loved adventure more. Yes, the boy was comfortable in his home, in fact, he often saw it as his very own castle, as if it was made exactly for him. After all, Aiden’s parents loved him dearly and gave him everything his heart desired. As a little boy, he wanted nothing more than the warm love of what his parents provided him- until the summer he was able to leave home for the very first time. Aiden discovered the world outside his home on his own the summer he turned 8. It was at that first experience at camp that Aiden began to cultivate and build his own curiosity. His desire for wanting to discover more and more grew each summer. These summer getaways made him realize that he had a hole in his chest that could only be filled with the freedom that camp could provide. 111 Camp was like his other castle, but bigger and with more to explore. Sometimes it was scary for him to wander in these new territories by himself, but he knew that other kids were there too, sharing the same experience. His favorite part of summer camp anyways was being around the carefree smiles and laughter of other boys and girls his age. After all, his parents made sure that the camp counselors were trusted authorities, and would have many meetings with different camps before sending him anywhere. 112 And so each year around the same time, the local paper would advertise new summer camps for kids Aidens’s age. Usually, these camps would last anywhere from a week to 3 months. Some camps focused on sports, music, arts, and culture. There were other camps for kids that loved science, math, and computers too. Aiden’s parents wanted him to have the best kind of childhood they could possibly give him. His father especially wanted Aiden to grow into a well rounded man, to provide his son a foundation he wished he had as a child. Although Aiden’s father was quite gifted and talented at what he did for work, he was a man of few words. His father was a man who had many brilliant ideas, but since grew up sheltered and reserved- his thoughts and passions were left unheard to the world. With a desire for his son to have what he lacked, Aiden was encouraged to attend these camps with other boys and girls in hopes of instilling confidence- something that was very important, especially for a man, his father would often say. He wanted his son to have charisma, to be liked and respectedsomeone who could command any room he walked into. 113 As this summer came to a close, Aiden thought about Rancho Labri- the place he went to just a few weeks ago. Some of the camps before would teach him and other kids how to swim, make crafts, and tie funny rope knots. This particular summer away taught him something different. Rancho Labri was a kind of getaway that was designed especially for preteens to learn about the principles of honor and valor- along with the importance of having responsibilities, and learning about the duties expected of a young adult. One of these responsibilities that Aiden had and was instructed to do at Rancho Labri was to make sure the flag was down during sunset and up right at sunrise. This was a tradition that Rancho L'abri drilled the kids with daily, monday thru sunday, for 3 weeks. When Aiden came back home, the first thing told his father was what he learned from the camp counselors and the importance of caring about the American flag. He said to his father in a very grown up voice what counselor Diandra told him and the others on the first day “By honoring the flag, we demonstrate our pride in our nation, ourselves, and our fellow citizens. The American flag's folds contribute to our grace and dignity as Americans.” 114 Aiden’s father was proud of his son for expressing his new found love for the flag that he himself had neglected for so long. He beamed at his son with a warm smile, one that his son would never forget. So, everyday before work, right when the sun would rise, Aiden’s father would help raise the flag to full mass. This was one of Aiden’s favorite traditions with his father, and Aiden hoped that it would be his father’s favorite too. 115 5. the invisible line Between reality and fantasy, Aiden wanted it all. His parents raised him in such a way that he knew he could have anything he wanted if he just asked. Aiden knew not to abuse the abundant love and grace his parents gave him, and even if he wanted to, he wouldn't step over that invisible line so blatantly. He saw and respected how hard his father worked. Aiden also noticed how much his mother sacrificed her time and energy to be there for him. From the weekly schedule, to what kind of food he wanted, Aiden could have anything he wanted- within reason. There were some guidelines of “don’ts” Aiden was to follow like any other boy his age, but even then, the boy knew how to get his way around it- if he wanted it badly enough. The one “don’t” his parents had for him was the one hour a day computer rule, because his parents both knew left to his own devices, he would just stay indoors all the time. But even then- Aiden would find his way around things, and would sneak in through the window to the locked study room to go on the computer when his parents weren't home. As long as he behaved well in front of others, the coast was clear for the boy. 116 Since Aiden had his heart set on some new shoes, it was a real drag that he didn’t have enough money to get the pair he exactly wanted. The boy’s father provided weekly allowance money so that he could learn how to manage money and buy the things he wanted when his parents weren’t there to take him. Aiden knew that he had to wait until next week so he could have enough money for the shoes- but he also knew that he usually got what he wanted and when he wanted. The way he got the things he wanted didn't really matter for him, since his parents never caught him in any big lies or trouble anyway. 117 Aiden was homeschooled for different reasons than Alison. Alison was raised in a single parent household, and since her mother wasn't able to drive her to school, they had a live-in nanny to take care of the girl. As for Aiden, his parents pulled him out after 2nd grade and had Aiden to study at home instead. No one really knew exactly why, however it was a decision that was made by both his parents, not the school. Aiden was a little angel in his teacher's eyes. Rumor had it that his parents discovered that the boy was eating more than the lunches that were prepped for him everyday. He was getting bigger, and despite his mother’s healthy meals she couldn't figure out the reason why. Finally, his mom discovered that he was taking food from other student’s lunch boxes and hiding it in his backpack. Every day almost, his bag was filled with mysterious pieces of string cheeses, chocolates, and other sorts of candy he wanted to try but couldn't under his mother’s watch. One time, Aiden came home with a whole Domino’s pizza that he hid in his backpack -the pizza wasn’t discovered that day since he strategically placed it in the lunch box his mother would pack for him every morning. 118 The first time Aiden was caught stealing food from other kids' lunch boxes was when he started primary school. His mother found a half eaten, melted Hershey’s bar in his lunch pail one morning when she was preparing his lunch. Since Aiden was her only son, she often overlooked the white lies and trouble that he would make. When she found the chocolate that morning, she warned her son that stealing was a sin and if he did it again, Santa wouldnt come visit him during christmas. Aiden was keen enough at a very young age to understand that Santa wasn't real, and that his parents didn't have the heart in them to impose any kind of punishment, no matter what he did. He simply nodded, and replied sweetly “Yes, Mommy.” Aiden’s mom wanted to believe that her son was a good kid, and he was, at least in public anyway- so she ruffled his hair and left the kitchen. As she walked away that day, Aiden grabbed the leftover chocolate from the lunch box with his chubby little fingers and munched on it as fast as he could. 119 It was an invisible line Aiden often crossed, and it was those little white lies that made the boy who he was today at 13 years old. Today, the lines for him were blurred again not for food, but this time , he had the desire in his heart for those new shoes. How would he come up with the extra money? What kind of story could he tell to his father for more money that day? Would Aiden be able to get the shoes in a more unconventional way? After all, Aiden was his mother’s child- her charming little boy with chubby cheeks and toothy smile, almost able to get away with anything his heart wanted. Almost anything, anyway. 120 6. the neighborhood Although Aiden had his vices like any other boy or girl, he also had many other good qualities. Besides his charm and gut instinct to help others, the boy noticed things that other kids his age wouldn't think twice of. He would sometimes keep quiet about the things he heard and saw, but, other times he would try and solve the problem himself. The neighborhood he lived in was quiet and he hardly saw any trouble around the area. His parents knew every other kid’s parents around the block, and he was friendly with most. Sometimes, his father would throw neighborhood block BBQs, to inspire a sense of camaraderie around town. The parties were often a hit, and his mother took pride in organizing these get-togethers with her husband. Aiden’s neighbors loved his family, and his family loved the neighbors. Aiden seemed to get along with all the kids on the block, even Alison- the shy girl across the street. He enjoyed how people treated him and his family, and how everyone got along, from what he saw at least. That dynamic lasted for as long as the boy could remember, until one day a few months ago- it all changed. 121 There was a new boy around the same age as Aiden who moved into town. And like the curious young man Aiden was, he scoped out the new boy and his family. The first thing Aiden noticed was the attitude the new boy had with his parents. Aiden saw that the new boy would walk right past his parents with his head down, trying to ignore what they were telling him. The boy’s response wasn't necessarily defiant, but he looked more defeated than anything else. It seemed as if the whole world was on his shoulders. And by the looks of it, the boy was also about 12 or 13. Aiden wanted to cheer the boy up, like he would with any other kid or grown up he saw around town. So that afternoon, Aiden introduced himself to the new boy in the neighborhood. The boy grumbled in his baggy jeans and shaggy haircut, “whadda want?” Aiden was a little taken aback, but in his peppy boy scout voice, he bravely asked the new boy his name. “Joey,” the boy replied with caution. It was obvious this new kid was very guarded and didn't like meeting, or even pretending to be civil with new people. Aiden never met a boy as strange as Joey. He smiled at the new kid anyway, and told Joey that if he ever wanted to come over for a snack or play some video games, that he was more than welcome to anytime. Joey shrugged his shoulders and went back to his new house. That was Aiden’s first encounter of many more to come with Joey. 122 A few months went by, and Aiden would notice the new boy begrudgingly helping his father out with the lawn or with his mother taking in weekly groceries. The more and more times Aiden saw Joey, he found that the new kid seemed more of a moody boy, than a sad one. Aiden watched Joey from afar, and was curious how a boy could be and act so peculiar. 123 One hot summer day, when Aiden was walking back from the corner 711 store with a Big Gulp slurpee in his hand, he noticed that Joey was throwing rocks at Alison’s door. Aiden stopped in his tracks and looked again, just to be sure of what he was witnessing. And so after Joey threw a few more rocks at Alison’s door, he ran home- thinking that no one saw him. Aiden couldn’t run after Joey like he wanted, because his hands were full, plus he was wearing sandals that day. It was Aiden’s instinct to protect and help others- this was a trait he had learned during the camps he went to the summers before, and when he was growing up, he would notice and pick up on little things, like how his parents looked out for the other neighbors when they were on vacation. Aiden wasn't too sure before, but that day, he was certain that Joey was not good news. He wasn't strong enough to beat anyone up, or run after anyone yet- but he knew he wanted to protect Alison and teach that troublemaker a lesson. 124 Aiden was a clever boy, and knew what he would do with this situation. From observing Joey for the first few weeks of moving in, he knew that the new boy kept a secret stash of his favorite things, including money his parents gave him in the treehouse he had in the front yard. Since Aiden had a lot of time on his hands, he planned to rob Joey that day to teach him a lesson, also this would be a perfect opportunity to get some extra money for his new shoes. So one Monday morning, as Aiden’s mother was on her usual routine out running some errands that morning, he knew it was perfect timing for him to do what he had to do. Aiden watched Joey walk to the bus stop and waited for a few minutes for him to hop on the bus. As fast and bravely as he could, Aiden went into Joey's treehouse and grabbed everything he saw in sight. This was retribution for Alison, and it was a perfect opportunity for him to finally come up with that extra money for his new running shoes. After some fumbling around, and stuffing everything he saw in his backpack, he took out a note he typed out on his computer earlier that day for Joey and left it on the floor of the treehouse - “J. - if you don't stop throwing rocks at Alison’s house, I’ll be sure to tear your treehouse apart next time.” The boy climbed courageously down the treehouse and walked into the alleyway. 125 Aiden had killed two birds with one stone that day- he had his money for his new shoes, and gave the boy a lesson to never mess with Alison again. 126 Chapter 7: peanuts Aiden walked home with a big grin on his face- seeing that he got away with robbing the new kid on the block, and having enough money to buy those shoes he saw the other day. His backpack was full of Joey’s toys, snacks, and money. Aiden knew he couldn't go home with all of these things stuffed in his bag, so he stopped around the corner to organize his bag with what he wanted, and what he did not want. The boy spotted his favorite snacks in his bag, along with some trinkets, toy cars, and comic books. He wanted it all, and it was very hard for him to decide what he could spare to throw away. Since Aiden was a pro at organizing his bag so that his mother wouldn't spot the snacks he stole at school - he did just that and started to put these things in order. First, he took out the money and stuffed it in his wallet (he didn't bother to count the bills just yet). Next, he carefully chose the comic books he liked and put them in his bag first. All that was left in the pile was candies and toys that could seemingly last a lifetime in his eyes. 127 Carefully examining the pile of shiny toys and treats- Aiden spotted a blue bag of peanuts (Planter’s peanuts to be exact- the kind he would see at baseball games in the park) . Salted, dry honey roasted - his favorite! He couldn't wait till he got home to eat it, the boy wanted to eat the whole bag right then and there. Aiden greedily took a handful of the peanuts and shoved it down his mouth. He was so excited to find his favorite snacks in the pile, that he even forgot to chew the peanuts thoroughly before swallowing. In the middle of devouring the snack, he began to choke on some of the peanuts stuck in his throat. The boy looked around in the pile for a soda, water, even a juicebox to help him. There wasn't a drink in sight. It was unfortunate - no one was around. 128 The poor boy panicked, which somehow made the peanuts in his throat all the more harder to swallow. He felt like he couldn't breathe- and everything in his mind started to spin. He thought of his mom’s yummy meals, he thought of all the cool video games he loved, he thought about the flag his father would help him take down and put up everyday, his mind was instantly flooded with so many thoughts! He remembered those boring Sunday church services with Alison, and how he wished he could be brave enough to say hi to her. Poor Aiden thought he was dying in the alleyway, so he began to cry. He covered his chubby cheeks with his hands and began to sob loudly. At least I died a hero, some one of valor and great courage eating my favorite snack- the boy thought to himself. 129 Chapter 8: a Bargain with God The boy was laying there on the pavement, out of breath, out of clever ideas, and almost out of hope he’d make it out alive. Aiden secretly believed in miracles so as he was taking what seemed to him his last breaths, he started to pray. He didn’t do this much, even during Sunday church service, he would pretend to close his eyes and peek around with his eyes slightly open every time just to see who else was awake like he was. Most of the time , the congregation was full of Sleepers. He had conjured up this name from a woody Allen movie, and even though he didn’t catch every little phrase or joke in the movie, he knew that this was an appropriate name for those who liked to live in Blindness and Bliss- especially on Sundays - so unaware, and so blind to reality. This morning was different. He used his last breaths with his eyes closed and tried to start a deal with God. Even though he believed that miracles come true sometimes if the person was lucky or important enough, they mostly happened to God's favorites. Aiden was 13 and knew a bit about adults and how they operated in terms of societal expectations and what it took to be at the top, the best of the best. His first epiphany happened one Sunday morning when he noticed the baskets in the church being passed. 130 He glimpsed at the other people in the congregation but , unlike the times he would peek around during prayer , he noticed that other people were doing the same thing he was- but instead of checking out the surroundings - Aiden noticed they were checking out their neighbors offerings- was it a 5 dollar bill? A twenty? A mysterious check ? or simply nothing at all? This was the first thing that defined community as he saw it in church - God’s favorites vs Gods’ unloved. So it was, the thing that might just be able to save him as maybe one of God's favoritesprayer, the one thing that never made sense for God’s unloved , but more so for those who God called his favorites. He hoped and prayed he would make it out alive - he bargained with God , that if he survived , that he would stop being so greedy, he would help around with chores around the house, and he would stop stealing for good. In his heart, Aiden knew he might not make it out alive - and that these cries and bargains were just meaningless maybes that wouldn’t get heard because he never put money in the basket. Although his parents donate to the church, and even though he wasn't one of God’s favorite sleepers, he figured that his parents’ money was the reason why he was so favored in church by all the old ladies squeezing his chubby cheeks . 131 All of a sudden, after what seemed like hours of struggle swallowing those planters' peanuts and praying. He felt something that went in his throat that somehow cleared up his throat passage right away . The boy was still laying on the pavement, but now he could open his eyes just a little bit and, just like magic, he started coughing out all the brown pieces left over from his planter peanut bag . Aiden was impressed how fast his prayers were answered. Immediately, he had a big smile on his face - but also a sinking feeling that he’d have to make good on his bargain with God that day. 132 9. Jawbreaker As Aiden got up from the cold cement , he had Cheez-Its, hot Cheeto puffs , mini model airplanes, Lego pieces, a jawbreaker, toys, and cash all around him. Aiden had his eyes on the jawbreaker in the middle of his stash,- oh how he wanted it so bad! The jawbreaker is one of Aiden‘s all time favorites, but his mom never allowed him to eat something so sweet. You could say that the boy was a natural born troublemaker in disguise. If his mom was there, he would know all the lies that he could use to impress his mom and justify what was around him . Thank God -Aiden thought to him himself…No one was there to see him with belongings that weren’t his. The boy wanted to eat the jawbreaker not only because it was one of his favorites , but because this kind of flavor was really hard to get around his neighborhood . Oh how he wanted to just have a taste of this new flavor : pineapple- grapefruit- the latest tropical blend. He forgot all about the vows that he made with God and promises he made just moments before. And so the chubby little boy struggled in his tight khaki colored jacket as fast as he could 133 to organize the pile. He did this first before anything else so that no one could find any of his new goodies that were not his. Aiden carefully put each toy and candy in his Jansport backpack. He kept on eyeing the jawbreaker after he finished packing. The boy was determined to taste a new flavor of his all-time favorite candy, and so he snatched the candy from the pile, quickly unpeeled the plastic wrapper, and stuck it in his mouth. The jawbreaker was a big one. Aiden thought this was going to be a challenge to bite into; he usually likes to bite into every thing that passes his lips. Because he was in a rush the candy got stuck in his throat, the boy was gasping for air. It was unfortunate that the angel who saved him before was not there to help. Suddenly, Aiden remembered the last prayer that saved him, and thought to himself that he should’ve kept his promise and brought the items back to Joey so none of this could have ever happened. Sadly, Aiden continued to choke and yell for help and still no one came. The poor boy was left on the cement in the alleyway by himself with his tears streaming down those chubby cheeks the old ladies at church loved to pinch as his only company. 134 10. New Kryptonite All of a sudden, Aiden woke up to someone calling him by his name- his full name- it seemed like the voice came from the heavens. It was a sort of angelic voice- but a bit on the louder side. Aiden thought he might have been in heaven. The boy really didn’t think he’d ever see the light of day again. As Aiden woke up, he rubbed at his big ears- he was really trying to shake off the strange ringing that was left in his ear. As the boy was shaking his head every which way he could- he felt some kind of wet slime in his ear canal against his pudgy little hands. Was it spit?? Aiden immediately got up and brushed his jacket off. Gross! Someone spit in his ear. He didn't know whether to be grossed out or thankful that he woke up alive. The Jawbreaker fell to the floor as he got up, and surprisingly, it didn't shatter at all- the candy was still in its original round, white shape. He looked at the candy as it rolled around on the cement- as if it were his new kryptonite. It was that moment when he decided he would stop eating so much candy. His mouth was full of fillings from 135 cavities, and his pants were always so tight on him. The boy never could move the way he wanted to, and worst of all, he almost died that day from giving into his sweet tooth. Aiden also vowed to himself that day he would never steal anything from anyone ever again. If he wanted money, he would have to work for it. If he wanted to impress Alison, he would have to be more creative than to break into someone’s treehouse. But being the silly boy Aiden was- he also thought to himself- if he wanted Alison or any other girl to chase him like he saw in the commercial the other day, he would still have to buy a new pair of shoes. And he also knew that if he didn’t walk back home now, he would be late for dinner. Since Aiden didn't know what to do with all the rest of Joey’s items, he strapped on his Jansport backpack with everything still inside and quickly walked away. And even though Aiden’s fingers were still sticky from the spit he was still wiping out from his ear, and he still had his old raggedy shoes on, he didn’t care. Walking home, all the boy could think about was what a miracle it was that he didn’t choke to death in the alleyway that day. THE END 136