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My [Dinner] Lunch with [Andre] Elizabeth

A brief critical review of the novel Elizabeth Finch

My Dinner Lunch with Andre Elizabeth I tore through Elizabeth Finch by Julian Barnes, in part because of the brevity, in part because enough was enough. To be brief then in the review, the book is in three parts. The first sets up the scene, the second is an essay, the third returns to the story. To wit: this mockingbird don’t sing no better than does Atticus. The setup is Neil who has a crush on his adult education teacher of a course on medieval history. He’s impressed by her, as he says, stoic attitude and her middling opinion when asked to take a stand. For example, when she says she spent Christmas visiting at the hospital, he says, “That’s very…Christian of you” to which she responds, “Charity is hardly confined to the Christian religion.” It’s always a hoot when sentiment is switched to semantics, right? They eventually meet for lunch a few times a year, she always pays, and after about twenty years she dies. Their relationship is platonic, so don’t get up hopes of reading about snogging. Neil inherits her papers, mostly aphorisms, and books, and he eventually decides she really wanted to write a work about Julian the Apostate based on a cryptic note that says, “J, died at age thirtyone.” So, he writes. Part two is Neil’s unimpressive essay clocking in at about 23,000 words about Julian and Christianity and mentioning mentions by other authors of Julian. Finally, we get to part three where in a sudden twist Neil discovers that Elizabeth once gave a lecture, not recorded, which was billed by media as “Crazy Lady” Prof Claims Roman Emperors Ruined Our Sex Life. Apparently, all the media picked this up and the public called for her firing (although she had already retired) and called for her to lose her pension. Seriously, in the UK? Have you ever seen their tabloids? Let me say this straight: Nobody would give a flying bob about such a lecture. It wouldn’t make even a sensationalist rag’s back page. So, this twist, plonked in the middle of the realism rankles any believability that might have been remaining. Now this Neil, and never have I met a more centerless character in a novel, possibly excepting Flora Poste in Cold Comfort Farm does not, of course, recognize he has a crush on Elizabeth because he’s barely a character, even to himself. It may be true, as the Finch says, artifice may not be incompatible with truth. Fair enough and in literature and poetry and visual art especially we want to find some comment upon reality perhaps positioning itself as truth. But this is simply one out of many quips so don’t imagine that it comments on the entirety of the novel in a meta manner. Neil also likes how EF abhors all words with the stem mono although she doesn’t mind monorails. Memo: don’t take Elizabeth to Stonehenge on a date. He’s impressed when she says that monoculture was a precursor to the death of rural Europe, which sounds impressive but upon examination lacks much sense. In the third and last part Neil discovers that one of his old flings Anna also knew EF so he garners a bit more information about the now gone instructor. Don’t worry, nothing happens here either. We learn that memory may be suspect, life passes by, and people struggle with thoughts. Nothing here strikes us as either new or particularly insightful, not about life, not about the craft of writing. Any narrative energy beginning to ramp up in part one was snuffed out in part two, and by part three was only a wax dummy. But of course, I’m also reading The Tunnel by William Gass, so considerations of historiography and memory are forefront and presented with unparallel depth, a tough novel to match on these issues. Resultantly, EF comes across as light, slight, and not quite right and I felt that what the author was attempting ended up garbled. If you want to see this novel in two paintings, at least part one, just look up Arrival of the English Ambassadors by Vittore Carpaccio at the Gallerie dell’Academia in Venice and then look up Still Life by Mark Tansey at the . Metropolitan Museum of Art. As they say a picture says a thousand words and looking at these will save you having to read a lot of the novel. Christopher Willard is a novelist and post- studio visual artist living in Canada.