The Thirteenth Day of Christmas

« The Transformers Holiday Special « The Transformers vol. 2 publishing order »
"Ho, ho, ho! It's time to get jolly on your naughty asses!"
"The Thirteenth Day of Christmas" -or- "Dead and Green" -or- "The Night Thundercracker and Buster Saved X-mas"
Publisher	IDW Publishing
Published in	The Transformers Holiday Special
First published	December 23, 2015
Cover date	December, 2015
Written by	John Barber
Art by	Josh Burcham
Letters by	Tom B. Long
Continuity	2005 IDW continuity
Chronology	Current era

The date: December 38.
The crime: murder.
The suspect: Santa Claus.
The 'bot on the case: Thundercracker!

Synopsis

All is quiet in the house of sleeping human female "Anna Log", head of peace-keeping on Earth, on the night of December 37th. Traditional beverages and biscuit-based foodstuffs have been left out for the arrival of Santa Claus, but a rumble from the chimney does not herald the arrival of this mythical figure... but rather Megatron, dressed in a Santa suit, who fires his fusion cannon at the startled Anna!

The next day, private detective Thundercracker and his partner Buster get the call to investigate Anna's murder. Reviewing security camera footage of the killing, Thundercracker believes Santa Claus to be responsible, and he and Buster take to the skies and head straight for the jolly old elf's fortress at the North Pole. Hacking and slashing his way through a squadron of antimatter-powered cybernetic reindeer, Thundercracker smashes into Claus's citadel and engages the magical old man in a fist-fight. Thundercracker demands to know why he killed Anna, but Santa professes his innocence... at which point Megatron appears to confirm that he, not Santa, was the do'er of the foul deed. Thundercracker understands why Anna would be an obvious target for the conquering Megatron, but is confused as to why he chose to frame Santa. Megatron holds up the answer... a present to him, from Santa... containing only a lump of coal! Thundercracker proceeds to punch Megatron out, then he and Santa make amends, and use Megatron's tank mode to deliver presents all around the world.

Thundercracker finishes reading Marissa Faireborn and Ayana Jones the first draft of his new Christmas children's book. Marissa takes umbrage at the fact she died on page 2, to say nothing of the fact that Thundercracker has no idea how the Twelve Days of Christmas work, or any sense of comedic timing. Cheerfully oblivious to her criticisms, Thundercracker is sure he can get his work published, while Jones just laughs and decides that she and Buster had best just leave them to argue.

Featured characters

(Character in italic text appear only as part of Thundercracker's story.)
(Numbers indicate order of appearance.)

Quotes

"I bid you peace on Earth. Peace... through tyranny."

—Megatron

"It was past midnight on December 38th when my phone rang. I wasn't asleep. Memories keep me awake on the big holidays. Bad ones. Of the bad times. The do-bad-things-for-an-ultimate-good-outcome-even-though-it-takes-a-bad-toll-on-me times. That's my backstory. It's mysterious."

—Thundercracker

"Just goes to show you. Life's colorblind. There's no red and green. Only shades of gray."

—Thundercracker

"There are advantages to changing into a supersonic jet plane. I never have to fly coach, for one. But sometimes, changing into a jet means you have to fly to the North Pole at Mach Seven to kill Santa Claus."

—The cross Thundercracker bears is a heavy one.

Thundercracker: "Why'd you do it, Father Christmas? She was trying to protect the planet."
Santa Claus: "It wasn't me."
Megatron: "It was me, Megatron."
Thundercracker: "Megatron!"

—Thundercracker and Santa Claus duke it out before Megatron pulls a Dio Brando reveals himself as the culprit

"I owed Santa for taking him out with my ninja moves. Santa was cool about it, though. Now we're best friends."

—Thundercracker

"You're right, Buster. Of all the Thundercrackers in the world... he's the Thundercrackeriest."

—Jones

Notes

Continuity notes

• This story takes place around Transformers issue 45, and specifically before issue 46.^[1]

Transformers references

• The red banners hung on the yellow walls of Anna's house evoke the mischevious eyes of Kremzeek.
• In addition to figures of Optimus Prime (doing that one-handed "pointing" pose that so many statues and figurines love to depict him in) and Prowl, Anna's alarm clock resembles Soundwave.

Real-life references

• The opening portion of the story is a riff on "A Visit from St. Nicholas".
• Thundercracker flies past polar bears drinking from red cans—clearly he's familiar with the animals from Coca-Cola's holiday commercials.
• "What's in the box?!" screams Thundercracker, before Megatron unveils his lump of coal, parodying the movie Se7en.
• Jones's quote, above, is taken from A Charlie Brown Christmas: "Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest!"

References