a time to blog ...

Today the words of Ecclesiastes 3:2-11 do ring true...

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. (ESV)

Facebook memories can be fun but can also be painful as they make you re-live tough times. My "masked" posts about our IVF journey 6 years ago come back to taunt me. Today is the anniversary of the conception of our twins (using ICSI). Sadly they both died in the womb and we never got to meet them, to hold them, to see them grow. All we have is this blurry photo of two little embryos and a world of "what ifs". I can't really imagine being mum to five year olds :0

I knew what today was already as I have ALL the dates written down and just happened to read them yesterday so it was not a surprise when Facebook memories showed one of my posts, but it is something else to re-read your own words of hope and others comments.

I still grieve the loss of these little ones and still strongly desire to be a mum. As the years go on this possibility grows dimmer. I do not know what God's plan is for me apart from knowing and loving him and sharing my life with others. I will continue to trust him through all the seasons :)

Origami Owl living locket

Good morning! I hope you are all having a great week! Ours is going OK... got a few things to get done still.. but enjoying the holiday! We had a few days in Canberra on the weekend which was great... saw some old friend...we saw the Toulouse Lautrec exhibition! It also happened to be the enlighten festival too whilst we were there so we got to see that! It was Fun!!! :D I might post some pics a little later ... or maybe just in a Smash book or similar tee hee!!!

Anyway I'm excited that yesterday I received my living locket that I'd ordered from Origami Owl! I loved the idea of these when I saw Jess post about them last year on faecbook .. and then Krista also posted about them this year and so I looked into getting one... and thought that being in Aus meant I would not be able to get it.. however a dear US friend made it possible!!! :D And Elizabeth was awesome!

the packaging was so cute!!!

Look at all the yummy little pieces inside....

Here it is all spread out on the table...

Here is the locket all put together.. without the dangle... was trying to decide whether to have it alone or with the dangle too :D

Here I am wearing it with the heart dangle included :)

a close up...

I wanted to get this locket as a "memory locket" for our little ones that didn't make it... so each little gem is a birthstone gem ...(the dates they were fertilised ... as they were all IVF embryos) and then a  G and an S which is pretty self explanatory - our initials :)
I know some might find it silly or sentimental but I just thought it would be nice... I carry those precious little ones around in my heart and thoughts ALWAYS yet I thought it would be nice to have a little physical reminder of their SHORT lives. I  do thank God for their short lives.. although I  do wish they had lived longer and we'd been able to see them grow ... for some reason it was meant to be this way. I trust Him in that!

I Do love this Locket :D and glad I  got it!! :D

BFP Friend & Pregnancy musings

Good morning!! I have a POST as Guest Designer over at SOME ODD GIRL today!! :D With ANOTHER video.. showing you how I created those bookmarks on my Silhouette :D

 And for my post today HERE I'm sharing a special card and some feelings too.. ahhhh - LOL!

A good friend of mine is expecting.. YAY! :) I am so thrilled for her as it's been a tough, hard road getting to this point and I know how much she wanted this - which makes it even special-er .. I know this little one is going to be well loved!!!  It's early days... but  I wanted to make her a special card... which I will send LATER - once she actually resembles this image - tee hee, It's called "Icecream and Pickles" from Saturated Canary.

 

on a personal note.....
Making pregnancy and Baby cards are something I find the hardest... they tug my heartstrings I guess .... It's not that I'm not happy for friends/ people who are expecting... I am -- very happy -- for them!!  and Thankful for the blessing of new life! Pregnancy is a great gift from God :) I guess the hard bit is it's just a big reminder of what we don't / won't have and what we've have lost.

I "think" most women understand having the desire for children /to be nurturers - we are after all designed that way.. and the world and many churches tell us that for married woman our role is to be a Mum so when we are not then things are just not right and can leave us with feelings of inadequacy, failure, sadness and the list goes on... more on that another time...

"BFP" are three initials I would LOVE to scream from the rooftops for myself .... During my IVF attempts journey/ season I learnt MANY new acronymns.... Happily I was able to say BFP (=BIG FAT PREGNANT) once... and PUPO (PREGNANT UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE) 5 times... however none of our little ones survived and I still find the loss of those 6 little lives painful and I wonder "what if" all the time.  I have just ordered a locket in memory of our 6 little ones so I may share that here once I get it :D I know God does not give us more than we can handle and that everything is in his control and so through his strength we continue on and we rest in the knowledge that he is good and has a beautiful plan!

Why am I sharing all this here?? is it Oversharing?? I don't think so... I think Infertility/ Pregnancy loss is too often a taboo topic... not talked about and believe me it's not easy to write this... but I  know that the journey of infertility it can feel very isolating and if this helps just one person then I think it's worth sharing! If you are reading this and need an understanding ear then I am certainly happy to LISTEN.



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Oh Alice ...CHAPTER 19: Twinkle, Twinkle...

"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you're at!"

You know the song, perhaps?'

`I've heard something like it,' said Alice.

`It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, `in this way:--

"Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle--"'

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep `Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop."

Hello out there! It's a beautiful day here in Wonderland and a twinkling one at that! We are wrapping up one FABULOUS month with a super fun, no-pressure challenge! We are going to ring out the month of June with a Twinkle!

That's right, just use something Twinkling, Glittery, or Sparkly on your card or creation this week and we'll put on our shades :D

There's some Twinkle-riffic samples from the DT ... make sure you pop on over the Oh Alice! to see them all!! Here's my attempt (it's an ATC)

and here are some close ups of the sparkles (Spica induced + gems)

A VERY special thanks to Lynne Phelps, our June Guest Designer! It has been a pleasure having you at our twisted little table and we will miss you! Next week we will be back to announce our July Guest DT :) and have more tricks and treats up our sleeves....'til then, there's no time limit to play this week, so get your twinkle on and be sure to come back and let us know when you did!

Have a very twinkling week!

Copics used: E00, E11, E15, E17 (Skin), E15, 17, 27, 29 + Chocolate Spica(hair), BV00, 02. 13 (dress), RV25, 29 (ribbon) (socks +BV00,02), C1, 3 nd 5 for background. Additional sparkle = Spicas - Pitch black, blossom, pink, clear, rhinetones coloured with RV25 and BV13

On a personal note I would like to thank you my blogging friends for your kind words, comments, thoughts & prayers for the IVF cycle we just did and our two precious little embryos.. unfortunately once again these two little ones did not make it and my test yesterday was -ve.
So pretty shattered about this and find it hard to express myself about everything but I did want to let you know as I know there are many wonderful friends out there wondering!
xxx

Artful INKables CHALLENGES and a personal note

So.. today it's time for a new challenge at Artful INKables... This week your challenge is brought to you by Ann Vento and she wants us to:
CHALLENGE YOURSELF: Use a new technique, go out of your comfort zone, make something completely different than you normally would make... mm I have to think about that some more... check back next Monday for my creation :D And check out this post for more details on the challenge!!

OH and .... DON'T forget the Artful Inkables Twilight Challenge month ... you still have a little time to enter the first week's challenge .. using one of the Twilight covers as inspiration!

Here is a little sneaky peek at my card for the next challenge....

PERSONAL NOTE: I will most probably not be posting on here for a couple of days as going into theatre tomorrow for an egg collection and then taking it easy for a couple of days (yup we are trying IVF again) xxx