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Dr LaBrat

You are talking to the Scientists, young man. You can probably see some of us now - the clever chaps in yellow.

Would you like our respect? We would be most impressed if you chose to eliminate some Zaibatsu.

Green phones[edit | edit source]

Sink or Swim![edit | edit source]

West phone

Dr LaBrat

Hello, THC-303, it's Dr LaBrat. Zaibatsu Operatives have secret SRS data and I want it back. Steal a Taxi and keep it in one piece - too much destruction will alert the Cops.

Dr LaBrat

The first Zaibatsu is waiting by the Clock Tower. He suspects nothing.

Dr LaBrat

Sound the horn, THC-303.

Zaibatsu Operative

Taxi! You are early. Where are the others?

Dr LaBrat

Good, THC-303. Pick up the second Z-Operative.

Zaibatsu Operative

At last! Taxi!

Dr LaBrat

Well done, THC-303. Now find the third Z-Man.

Ziabatsu Operative

About time! Here is my Z-ID.

Dr LaBrat

Only one Z-Operative to collect, THC-303.

Zaibatsu Operative

Ooh, is there a party going on in here?

Dr LaBrat

Drive our Zaibatsu friends to the South-East Dock Crane, THC-303.

Dr LaBrat

Get out of the car, THC-303, and watch the Zaibatsu die!

Dr LaBrat

Efficient and effective work, THC-303. Here is $30,000. Spend it productively.

Fake Truce![edit | edit source]

East phone

Dr LaBrat

Ah, THC-303. Dr LaBrat here. The Zaibatsu and Rednecks want a peace meeting so I'm taking the opportunity to perform an experiment. Collect the old Factory Bus and I will unravel my plan.

Dr LaBrat

First, collect the Redneck delegation from Cobbs Store in Mobile RV.

Redneck

Okay, boys, get on the Bus - and no spittin'!

Dr LaBrat

Now drive to The Ol' Banjo and pick up some more White Trash.

Redneck

C'mon, climb aboard!

Dr LaBrat

Drive with haste to the Zaibatsu Village, THC-303, and collect the Zaibatsu delegates.

Zaibatsu

Climb aboard, Z-Operatives. But do not communicate with the Rednecks.

Dr LaBrat

Okay, THC-303, only one more Zaibatsu group to collect.

Zaibatsu

All aboard, Z-Men.

Dr LaBrat

Now be careful, THC-303. Bring them all back to the Scientist Research Center - and fast.

Dr LaBrat

You did well, THC-303. Now get off the Bus and let my SRS Clones take it from here.

Dr LaBrat

Congratulations, THC-303. I can see your talents developing under my auspices. Here is $30,000 for your hard work.

Yellow phones[edit | edit source]

LaBrat's Plan![edit | edit source]

North phone

Dr LaBrat

Ah, THC-303! Dr LaBrat here. SRS research suggests the Zaibatsu population is on the rise. Please visit The Village and reduce their number to a more acceptable statistical median.

Dr LaBrat

Here you are at The Village, THC-303. Now I don't care which ones you kill - just so long as you kill 47 of them.

Dr LaBrat

Come on, THC-303! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Dr LaBrat

Keep it up, THC-303!

Dr LaBrat

Wonderful work, THC-303 - worthy of $50,000.

Gran'pa We Love You![edit | edit source]

South phone

Dr LaBrat

Hello, THC-303, it's Dr LaBrat. The Professor wants to experiment on a Redneck and has chosen the one they call Gran'pa. First you need to win their confidence...

Head over to the Opry Car Park and meet with Gran'pa's grandson Dirk. You need his Pickup to kidnap Gran'pa.

Dirk

Hey there, City Boy! You here to race? Anyone who beats mah record fer huntin' down and killin' THREE escaped Loonies wins mah Pickup.

Take your pick from these fine automobiles and the clock will start to tick!

Dirk

Drive fast, City Boy, and you might just get mah Pickup. Don't bother tryin' to get out of that car - the doors are locked shut! Hoo-hah!

Ready? Steady! Go, Boy! GO!

Dirk

GodDAMN you are one superfast son-of-a-bitch! I hate to say this but... mah Pickup's all yours, City Boy!

Dr LaBrat

Well done, THC-303. Now go to the Ol' Banjo and collect Gran'pa.

Dr LaBrat

There's Gran'pa. He's old and blind but he should recognize the sound of Dirk's Pickup... Sound the horn to get his attention.

Gran'pa

Hey there, young fella! Go easy on that horn! I'm comin'.

Dr LaBrat

Fantastic, THC-303. Bring Gran'pa to the Research Center - in one piece. Do not let the Rednecks catch you.

Dr LaBrat

Smooth, THC-303. You are a cool operator. Please accept $50,000 with our thanks for all your hard work.

Redneck Attack![edit | edit source]

Previous phone

Dr LaBrat

THC-303 - it's Dr LaBrat. Drunken Rednecks are using our high-powered Generators for target practise. Go now and prepare to protect our power source.

Dr LaBrat

We need at least ONE Generator intact, THC-303, so defend them well. The Rednecks are on the move. We should have auxiliary power on line in TWO minutes.

Dr LaBrat

Excellent, THC-303. We are still at full power. Here's $50,000.

Dr LaBrat

You only lost one Generator, THC-303, so we have no need for auxiliary power. Here's $30,000.

Dr LaBrat

Well, THC-303, at least we still have one operational Generator to take the strain. Here's $10,000.

Red phone[edit | edit source]

Taxi Traitor Test![edit | edit source]

Dr LaBrat

Hello, THC-303, it's Dr LaBrat. Our prototype remote-control Taxi needs a good operator - like you. If you perform well further work will be made available.

Dr LaBrat

Take the Taxi around the Test Track for FIVE laps - and if you beat the record the job is yours.

GO!

Dr LaBrat

Excellent, THC-303! You beat the time. Don't worry about the mess - we haven't had time to test the system properly.

Dr LaBrat

Think you can handle test-driving the remote-control Taxi around town? Well that's the job.

We need you to pick up THREE suspected SRS Traitors, THC-303. Off you go - get the first one.

SRS Traitor

Ah, just what I need - a Taxi.

Dr LaBrat

Now the SRS Traitor is in the Taxi, THC-303 - DESTROY IT!

Dr LaBrat

This SRS Traitor must also die!

SRS Traitor

Ah, just what I need - a Taxi.

Dr LaBrat

Now the SRS Traitor is in the Taxi, THC-303 - DESTROY IT!

Dr LaBrat

Come on, THC-303!

SRS Traitor

Ah, just what I need - a Taxi.

Dr LaBrat

Now the SRS Traitor is in the Taxi, THC-303 - DESTROY IT!

Dr LaBrat

It's a pleasure to watch you work, THC-303. You deserve this $70,000.

Water Carry On![edit | edit source]

Dr LaBrat

THC-303! Dr LaBrat here. We need you to shut down the H2000 Water Company, no questions asked.

I have SRS Clones who can help you, THC-303!

Dr LaBrat

Destroy the FOUR Turbines and await further instruction. Oh yes - beware of the guards.

Dr LaBrat

Excellent, THC-303. Now all you need to do is destroy the Generator and the H2000 Water Company will have to call in the plumbers! Ha ha ha!

Dr LaBrat

Get out of there fast THC-303! The guards are on your tail!

Dr LaBrat

Well done, THC-303. Now the H2000 Water Company is high and dry and we can continue with our cunning plan. Have $70,000 for your outstanding contribution.

Scientist Gang Complete![edit | edit source]

Dr LaBrat

Excellent work, THC-303! You have passed all of the Scientist jobs.