the daily grind

Oh wow, I'm back at work after a week of medical leave. The funny thing is, yesterday I was out and about - right after a visit to the doctor's, had lunch with my friends at Impiana, hung out at KLCC, went around MNG, Zara, Parkson, Isetan, M&Spencer, La Senza and then came back home and went out again. Yup, had a nightcap with Ayu at Starbucks at GE Mall while our sons battle the PS2 at home. Went to bed around midnight feeling all good.

Today, I came back to the office had breakfast with Ida and Ita and as we were in the elevator going up, I felt a bit queasy. By the time the lift got to 37th floor, I ran to the toilet and puked my guts out. And now the nausea and dizziness are kinda sinking in.

My theories:

1. I'm allergic to the air at Empire Tower.
2. My body is reacting to work and telling me that this job might not be it for me after all... OR
3. Aku ternampak muka ane ni this morning...

Tolong.

i'm too sexy

This morning over a rushed breakfast a male friend said, "Confidence makes a woman so sexy". And although my throat was in excruciating pain from the sambal sotong, I stopped and thought... "YES THAT'S IT!!!!!"

I could've shouted Eureka. All my life I've always tried to be confident. Especially around men, and especially at the office, because that's when I think I needed to be a tad bit territorial. And I've had 2 or 3 guys telling me that I am, not in the literal sense of the word, sexy. I've gotten remarks like "strangely sexy" - and I thought, what the hey, I don't even wear short skirts and sexy tops to the office. Why lah? Now I geddit.

Don't get me wrong, most people who know me won't say "sexy" is a top-of-mind recall when my name is mentioned. I've always been called tembam or cute (euphemism for tembam la), interchangeably. But sexy, only to a few people. And I've always wondered why, until today.

Oh god, I do sound so perasan in this posting...trust me, I AM NOT.

dirty laundry

We had that argument again tonight, same stuff. Why do you still want me when we both are not in love with each other? Why? Why won't you let me go? And he will say will till year end, I will let you go. Everytime he says that, I take it with a pinch of salt. For me, it's just buying time to turn me into a psychotic monster and for him to use up his privilege that I have been providing for him all this while.

I'm being brutally honest, H and me, haven't been living like husband and wife since last year in November. When I was pregnant with Yunus (early 2005), I decided that I couldn't be with this guy anymore. I need someone who can provide for the family and also give me the TLC that I deserve. With H, it's like having 2 extra kids to take care of.

I used to think I was selfish for saying all that. But I lasted 7 godforsaken years. SEVEN. 7 years of treading carefully on what to say so as not to hurt him, of thinking how to survive until month's end, of working my butt off to be the breadwinner of the family, of living in fear of a vengeful husband, of waiting to be swept off my feet. Waiting, still waiting.

Someone today told me that he has a theme for living this year. How interesting, I thought. I never knew you can have annual themes for living - maybe life is like a party after all! His theme is "Sayangi diri sendiri". I have decided to adopt this theme of his.

I do deserve a better life, I even told my dad this. For now, I can only hope that H's words are stronger than oak.

oh bimbo, where art thou?

While having one of our funny little conversations, A Friend asked, "How do you really tell who's a bimbo and who's not? I mean, what's the definition of a bimbo?"

At that time I was stumped (blame it on the elephant-dose medications). My gut feeling was going to just answer him, "Anyone who considers AF kids as real ARTISTS!" - but that would be just too below the belt for A Friend.

While showering just now, I was actually verbalizing in my mind what I think a bimbo is.

Let me paint this picture for you, a 25-year old has been working as a Corporate Comm executive in a listed company for about 6 months, and she does not even know that a subsidiary of that listed company is even AN EXISTING COMPANY. "Hey, xxxx tu company ke apa?"

Note that she said "company ke apa?". Dia ingat persatuan ke, or even Sports Club. Here she was, being in the department that was supposed to be THE resource centre, and not knowing that kind of information. And I'm not taking about an obscure, dormant company, I'm talking about one of the active, more prominent one!

IMHO, a bimbo is someone who is unaware of her surroundings, insensitive to changes, obsessed with herself and things that only matter to her and does not have a desire to learn things other than what she does every day.

Being stupid alone does not make you a bimbo. So A Friend, I hope I have answered your question.

Pukefest 2007

On Sunday evening just after my last posting I felt a sudden shiver, my feet and hands ice cold, and my heart aflutter while a tinge of piercing pain (not unbearable but nagging) around my centre back area. What was that, I thought. Was I experiencing some form of longing for the weekend to be longer? Cannot be, I love my job. Is this what they call an epiphany? Cannot be, I didn't see any bright white light. Was I being hit by cupid's arrow? Lagi la cannot be.

And those my friends, are some of the many symptoms of urinary tract infection or better known as UTI.

On Monday and Tuesday, with my temperature soaring to a scorching 39F, I couldnt hold any food, liquids or any form of medication down. I was puking in my sleep,puking when I woke up, puking till the most bitter liquid from the hinterlands of my tummy trickle down my parched lips. I slept hugging the pukebasin.

On Wednesday, I woke up bracing myself for another pukeathon - and then I realized, I couldn't feel my feet or my hands. And off I go to where else but the neighborhood hospital, Gleanies. They rushed me at the A&E (thanks to my melodrama - Help!! I can't feel my legs!!!! Thank you bespectacled Chinese uncle at the triage for taking good care of me!

Looking mighty fine after 3 days of torture...

After a good dose of Voltran, shots of antibiotics, pints of IV fluids and sleeping tablets to help me get through the night, I bounced back (but not 100% yet) today. I still walk funny and can only indulge in bimboesque conversations for now.

So be a good girl - drink lots of H20, pee when you need to, wipe front to back, have that post-shag glass of water to flush our bad bacteria out of your system and cranberry juice helps. I lurve cranberry juice!!! Why must Ocean Spray be so goddamn expensive here????

Half of all women will experience some form of UTI in their lifetimes, so stay in the pink!

what i miss most...

Ayu and I were talking over a plate of sinful nachos (loaded with the works) at Las Carretas on the things we miss most when coming back home from overseas. Ayu was in Perth but I suppose it's the same darn thing the world over. Well for me, it's the convenience of cooking. I can whip up world class meals in a jiffy, thanks to...
1. Swanson's TV Dinners - the Hungry Man range is awesome, just pop one in the oven and I'm a happy puppy when the timer rings. Country Fried Steak's my fave.
2. The genius of Betty Crocker - Hamburger Helper's da bomb!!! Just add beef (or tuna or chicken) and voila - homecooked goodness, baby!

3. Bottled Sauces - from Prego to Leggo's to Pace to god knows what. Yeah it's available here but it's dirt cheap in the States that you can use them like there's no tomorrow. Excellent for my baked ziti, lasagne and good ole bolognese. (but I do make my sauces from scratch on good days ok!)
4. And if you want a nice, romantic candlelit dinner and to impress a loved one (ahem, ahem), there's always Williams Sonoma.
The shrine for my late night munchies...
5. If everything else fails, there's always Taco Bell, the cheapest (full meals for less than a dollar!) form of edible food during my college years. Who cares about the mystery meat? The tacos, burritos, quesadillas are sinfully addictive.

"Iye, saya katok. Nak buat macam mana, five years in the States, who can stand the fake vegetarian burgers and fish fillets."

birthday saturday

Took Ali and Yunus to Adian's birthday bash today at Ayu's mum house in Ampang Jaya. Such a treat for them. It was also nice to meet her mum whom I haven't met since Ali was a tiny tot (maybe 4 years ago!)...

Before that I was at Low Yat with Namy buying her macbook, then to Sg Wang to get Adian's birthday gift (a Spidey stationery set!). And after that we were stuck in a typical Saturday bumper-to-bumper at Bkt Bintang. That is why i SO HATE going out on weekends.

And yes, an unabashed confession, I will watch the extremely lame Akademi Fantasia finals tonight. I've become a victim of popular culture without even knowing it.



If you ever wonder if I ever vote for the AF kids, consider this. Last two weeks Namy and I were watching AF at my place, and she wanted to vote for Mila (shown here in a sappy rendition of that god-knows-what Indon song with Ebi). And we were both like "Macam mana nak vote AF ah?". Duh....

Slap me silly if I ever become a member of any AF kids fan club!!

emotional lethargy

Have you ever experienced emotional lethargy?

Today is a prime example. Well for the past two weeks or so I've been acting overly sensitive to everyone. Maybe it's a sign that I'm getting old. You know how old people tend to get freaking depressed over every goddamn thing - not being acknowledged, not being said hi to, etc.

Well anyway today I became upset over something stupid in the morning. Then I realized, by lunchtime my brain was not functioning at all... and I can't seem to feel my emotions. Was I upset? Numb? Angry? Sad? Vengeful?

Inside I feel as bland as the fibre cracker that models eat to lose weight. Bland. Blah. Blah. Blah.

The photo of this stressed out feline is courtesy of my talented sister, Zaza.

i see fake people

There's nothing worse than a bunch of fakers. See the only time I ever become a hypocrite is when my life depends on it - with my boss (the dreaded appraisal) or my parents (when in need of blessings!). Other than that, there's no reason to fake it.

And worse of all, when you're in love, don't ever fake it. For me it's all about being real - when you're in love you're in love, there are no two ways about it. If you're not, then you're not - there's no use saying that you are because by doing so you're just faking it, and everything in that relationship will not work however hard you try. That is why it really bugs me to the core when someone says "I love you" and they just can't deliver.

Don't say I love you just because everyone else says it. You're just being FAKE.

Get real, people! There's more to life than being fake.

decipher the cipher...

A woman and two of her long-lost male friends were having this conversation while having MO's wonderful scones with rose petal jam, strawberry conserves, lemon butter and clotted cream. Utterly orgasmic (the scones I mean).

ManFriend1: So.. tell lah... how? Best ke?
Woman: What's there to tell?
ManFriend2: Oklah kita ikut macam flight. Ni macam KL - Bangkok ke? Or KL - Hong Kong?
Woman: Haha. KL-Hong Kong how many hours?
ManFriend2: 3 1/2.
Woman: Aaa.. around there lah. A bit more. Hee hee.
ManFriend2: Huyooo!
ManFriend1: But my question is, what the hell for???!!!
ManFriend2: But if you want old boyfriend, cannot even take off! Let alone KL - Hong Kong. How?
ManFriend1: Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan... harap maaf :)

And soon after...

ManFriend1: Tapi dia tak nak jadi subsidiary, jo.
ManFriend2: Abih dia nak jadi parent company jugak?
Woman: Ya la, I can't settle being a subsidiary!
ManFriend1: So bila nak delisted?
Woman: End of year.
ManFriend1: You sure you don't want to be subsidiary?
Woman: SURE
ManFriend2: Ala, if not subsidiary, can be SPV!
ManFriend1: Sekarang ni pun dah SPV...

Yes, the conversations are not meant to be understood by you!

mama's day

Everyday is mother's day for me... because Ali will always say "you're the best mother in the world" every day before he goes to sleep. Yes, my loving eldest son who is just the most adorable little thing in the world.

Every night it would be ali and me doing homework (well office work for me) and we'll race on who will finish first.


And people ask why he wears glasses at a very young age... look at his mama lah!

Shame on me...

Shame on me for only doing one posting each month. Ha ha! Anyways, I didn't realize that it's already May... and coming to middle of 2007.

I think 2007 has been an eye-opener for me. First of all, I love my new job although I have to take my laptop home to do work at nite in between CSIs. Secondly, I realize that I finally learn to say no to people, and to open up more so that people understand me more. Especially opening up to my dad on the problems I have, finally, after 32 years on this planet. Third, I finally caught up with my long lost school friends and we're having this monthly all-girls get together!!! So much fun!!! And finally finally, telling people what I really want instead of just adapting to situations. This has been my ultimate forte all these years. But the downside of telling people what you want is that you won't exactly get what you want in the first place, then you end up being dissapointed with them.

So telling people what you want is actually good or bad?