Don't Torture a Duckling: Last Chance Fulci

There's a lot of racism going on in the world. Typically revolving in some way around Italian people. Dario Argento, as you may remember is a cat racist, I'm racist against Lucio Fulci and Netflix is racist against every single Italian DVD known to man kind. Proof you say? Well, how about the simple fact that every Italian horror DVD I've received from Netflix has been damaged!? Okay, okay so maybe it's just a coincidence. Or maybe some overzealous Giallo fan likes to urinate on the discs before giving them back. Who knows? All I know is that Netflix has been utterly shady towards Italian horror films, and I don't like it one bit.

Luckily for us all, Don't Torture a Duckling does work in a normal DVD player. But of course this means, no fancy screenshots. Well, we can't have it all. After my last Fulci review, I was ready to give up completely on the man who so many others loved without apology. After the suggestion to watch some of the earlier Giallos however, I decided to give him one last try--and so here it is.

Taking place in a rural Italian village, Don't Torture a Duckling is thankfully not about dead baby ducks. It is however about a recent string of murders all involving young boys.

Suspects are a plenty as police and a reporter search in vain for the man or woman responsible.

As is often the case with Italian horror, the plot on paper is rather simple. As the movie trudges onward however, simple turns into complex and complex into mass confusion. Don't Torture a Duckling fits with this as it was very easy to get lost amongst the several boys who all look alike, or the 20 suspects being hunted. On the plus side however, Don't Torture a Duckling is as those who suggested it me, a vast departure from Fulci's later films. This is a gigantic plus for me, as I found much more to like in this. It was stylish, beautiful at times and most importantly, insanely jazzy.

The standard missteps that I associate with Fulci still remain, but because Don't Torture a Duckling is overall nicer to look at, I don't mind them as much. There are these pieces of scenes that don't seem to fit for example, or random shots of a character doing something really unimportant in the grand scheme of things. But compared to later efforts, the film is actually cohesive. Which thrills me! Plot, yes!

What really snagged me on the fence of "I think I like this" however was the death scene of La Magiara, which surprisingly had nothing to do with her violent case of rabies.

It's this oddly depressing and beautiful murder of this woman we pretty much know nothing about. Despite this, the scene is set up in such a way that we do care deeply for her. It's kind of like this,

only not because no one seems to want to post the actual scene. Hmmph! Anyways, it's gorgeous and even though it does carry at least some trace of Fulci style gore--it doesn't feel tedious and pointless. It has life and I simply love that last shot or so, of Magiara crawling up the mountainside.

My biggest complaint with films like City of the Living Dead and the Beyond was that the gore and the death scenes didn't make me care. And now I care. Isn't it nice?

The death scenes of the little boys were also disturbing, especially the drowned boy (admittedly though, he did look a bit waxy).

Child murder is never very well received and people always get all uppity over it, here though--and surprisingly I might add, Fulci seems to handle the subject with a lot of tact. We really only see one on screen death and it's quick, maybe a little too quick for a strangulation...but regardless it's there and it is a bit alarming. The rest however are the crime scenes.

Which is very interesting considering how far Fulci is usually willing to go.

Actually, now that I think about it--Fulci seems to have a strange double standard with sex vs. murder. He may have no problem implying that a grown woman may bribe the young boys with sexual favors, but the on screen murders are the real scandal. Or maybe it's the censors fault. OR the general public. It's all very odd. In fact, that particular scene where sexy and extremely naked Barbara Bouchet forces Michele to look at her is very uncomfortable. Which is also a weird double standard involving gender. If that scene was reversed I feel like there would be a huge problem. But here it seems to come off as just "sexy".

That makes me feel weird. Hopefully I wasn't alone in feeling creeped out.

So as you may have guessed I came away feeling much better about my Lucio Fulci relationship. It is now very clear to me that I love the old Fulci, and I hope to continue to look at some older Giallos. Don't Torture a Duckling is ripe with intrigue, a mystery that at times seems a bit obvious, and also a bit too dense in its possible suspects. It gets to the point, where we can only assume anyone that they have guessed to be the killer is not the killer. So it really just becomes a game of, well who haven't they accused yet? That being said, I did tend to get pulled into the mystery. I had a hunch (and a right one) I should add early on, but like most good murder mysteries the real intrigue is often the why, and not the who. Although the why is a little well, stupid in my opinion, that final confrontation, and that dummy is worth it all.

I feel so much better now that my relationship with Fulci is patched up. Maybe now the Fulci fans will let me sit with them at lunch again. Eeeee I can only hope!

City of the Living Dead: Can't Say I Didn't Try.

Well here I am. Watching another Fulci film and trying to understand what exactly it is about them that does not sit well with me. As best as I can tell, I think my taste buds just do not take to Fulci the way others do. Some people like mushrooms, some people don't. Perhaps the better film to food analogy for me is that while most people dig really spicy Mexican food---I do not. Therefore while most people really dig Fulci films--I do not. See? Perfect sense. From a more logical stand point, I think my mind has a really hard time finding something to take away from a Fulci film. So far after seeing Zombi 2, The Beyond, Cat in the Brain, and The Black Cat (which was a mistake in more than one way) I can't remember ever feeling legitimately creeped out by anything. Nothing made me feel uneasy and I can't remember feeling very affected. It's weird for me to say that because I can very easily get creeped out- and what's more, a lot of people cite some of these films as being insanely creepy. So why dammit can't I feel the same way?

I used to think my main distaste for Fulci came from the fact that I am not a horror fan who thrives on the existence of gore and...stuff. I define myself as someone who can appreciate gore and who loves the aesthetic quality more than anything. When films rely solely on that gore I find that my attention wavers and I'm left with little to talk or get excited about. I would still believe this if it wasn't for that little nagging voice telling me that people love Fulci films who also do not necessarily care about gore. Therein lies my confusion. Something must be genetically wrong with me I guess.

Anyways. A priest hangs himself and opens up the gates of hell, allowing really strong zombies to roam the earth and kill people. That's all you really need to know. I've found that simplifying these Italian plots is the key to a better enjoyment, although it still doesn't make me feel any better about what the hell was going on.

First off let's get it out of the way. This movie made me feel really nauseous. Nothing upsets me more in this world than seeing a scene involving vomiting and reading IMDB trivia to find out that that was real vomiting. Vomiting up sheep entrails nonetheless. Yeah. This does two things to me. It makes me absolutely repulsed that an actress would actually do that and I get angry that I'll never be able to remove that image from my head. I knew that people talked about that scene as being gross (BJ-C even brought it up in our dual post) but I had no IDEA that there would be gross belching sounds and....realness. Ugh. I guess that experience put a damper on things. Then there's plenty of skulls being ripped open, rats eating brains, liquefied bodies with worms, and a snow storm of maggots.

There was even a little scene that suddenly made me realize how much I hate fingernail trauma.

Gah! I really hate that. But see all these things made me like the film even less. This gore is not enjoyable. I can't even begin to enjoy a film where the gore makes me feel physically ill. I just can't. And I rarely get physically ill, I should mention. I watched people eating poop for Christ's sake so don't get all judgey wudgey on me. Fulci's moments of gore are extended way beyond the normal boundaries of mankind. Forcing your audience to look at something disgusting for 5 minutes makes little sense to me.

Moving on to things I can appreciate. I really enjoyed that scene where all the bodies are waking up in the crypt and they come out all old and skeleton-like. We need more of that. I noticed this when watching Return of the Living Dead recently, walking skeletons are really neat. They've got stringy hair and are all decrepit--I love that. I'm sick of all these zombies who look like they just dropped dead yesterday. Even the ones who weren't skeletons were all pus filled and moldy. It felt genuine. As genuine as dead people that can walk gets I suppose. I also should say I did get creeped out one time, when we saw the priest hanging before the dreaded puke scene.

Don't you hate when you are starting your car up in the dark, and turn on the headlights and see a dead priest swinging from a rafter? Me too. I guess this stems from me hating seeing hanging people, but that really just was creepy as hell. I also enjoy when glass bleeds.

Now I know I said before that I'm done trying to make sense of things in these films, but I really can't get over the fact that the walking dead can be gotten rid of so easily. Just a stick in the stomach and poof--no more city of the living dead. I also can't figure out why that guy drilled through that guy's head. Talk about overreacting. Which brings up another important question, who the hell was that guy? I thought he was a dead person as soon as he came on the screen. Actually I rephrase that question, who the hell was anybody? I have no idea who was who or when they got introduced or what they were doing there. You've got our guy with a beard, guy that saves girl from coffin, Psychic girl, and other blonde girl. Then little kid, whose sister was....puking out intestines girl? I don't know. I don't know who anyone was. This is also bothersome.

Yes there was "atmosphere", fog machines, creepy monkeys or birds or something in the trees, and dead people. But let's get real--the dead people really don't make an appearance for quite some time. We see that one corpse rise pretty early on in the film and then nothing comes of it. Instead we get stupid characters, talking about stupid things. Bah I'm getting bitter again.

Basically, I find that I have once again come to a dead end when faced with a Fulci film. Berate me all you want but I can't help it if I don't like really spicy Mexican food. I don't even really like Mexican food THAT much. There, I said it. Next time, thanks to some recommendations via Twitter--I will watching some earlier Giallo of the Fulci. Let's see if this will solve my problems of self loathing and distaste. Fingers crossed. Oh! I forgot one more thing I really hate--that fucking music! It wasn't creepy to me it was just really really annoying. *Dun dun DRUM BEAT dun dun DRUM BEAT* It made me want to ram my head into a wall. Okay that's all.