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Jillian

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Megan, recently out of college and working a meaningless job as a gastroenterologist's secretary, openly hates all of her friends for being happy and successful. She makes herself feel better by obsessively critiquing the behavior of her coworker, Jillian, a rapid cycling, grotesque optimist, whose downfall is precipitated by the purchase of a dog.

227 pages, Paperback

First published January 26, 2015

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About the author

Halle Butler

7 books1,334 followers
here you can find a pretty lazy selection of a few books i've read. still haven't gotten around to the pillowman.

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5 stars
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152 (3%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 862 reviews
Profile Image for Michael.
79 reviews22 followers
August 12, 2015
Ok. So here's what reading Jillian is like. It's like waking up one morning with a stinging hangover and discovering a strange woman wielding a knife in your kitchen. She's cutting freezer bagels and has possibly too large of a smile on her face and she tells you a rather funny story about someone she works with -- at the office, you know? The entire time she's holding onto this knife and cutting an endless supply of freezer bagels. You think to yourself, "Who is she? How did she get in here? That isn't my knife! Did she bring her own? What's up with the freezer bagels? Why is she smiling like that? Is she going to kill me? I should probably leave and call the police." But you don't because you want to hear the rest of her story -- because it's funny. But then again, you don't want to die. That's what reading this book is like. Did I just hear a dog barking?
Profile Image for Rebecca.
424 reviews599 followers
April 3, 2024
“You know?” she whispered. “You know?” She whispered it while she looked at the palms of her hands and walked back to her apartment in the apocalyptic green light, wondering what she could do to convince people that she was crazy (therefore a victim) and not an asshole (therefore just an asshole).”

Halle Butler's 'Jillian' is is an absolute gem of contemporary fiction. From the first page to the last, Butler's prose crackles with energy and insight, pulling readers into the chaotic world of Jillian with an irresistible magnetism.

What sets 'Jillian' apart is its unapologetic exploration of the human condition, flawed, messy, and achingly real. Butler's characters are masterfully drawn, each one a microcosm of the anxieties and desires that define our modern existence.

Through Jillian's journey, Butler delves deep into themes of identity, ambition, and the relentless pursuit of validation, all while maintaining a razor sharp wit that keeps the pages turning.

Whether you're a fan of literary fiction or simply appreciate a well crafted story, this book is not to be missed. ‘Jillian' is a triumph of storytelling, a must read for anyone seeking a fresh perspective on the complexities of life in the 21st century.

Highly Recommend.
Profile Image for Michelle .
1,022 reviews1,766 followers
August 4, 2020
When I read The New Me by Halle Butler last year I fell in love with the main character Millie. When I saw Jillian on request through Edelweiss I didn't even hesitate before I requested it. Turns out that Jillian is actually her first novel and it shows. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as The New Me. Still, for a first novel it shows the amazing potential that Butler clearly has. Something about her writing and her characters brings to mind Ottessa Moshfegh so be prepared for the unlikable.

Megan is 24 years old and works in a gastroenterologists office with a woman named Jillian, 34, whom she despises. Megan is nihilistic and self destructive while Jillian is a chipper, smiling, how do you do kind of lady. This irritates Megan to no end. Little does she know that that perky personality of Jillian's is a mask she keeps in place because her life is falling apart.

"Jillian is such a fucking idiot!" "I know, honey", said Randy. "She's a total idiot."

"This is serious!" "Of course it is", said Randy.

"I get a dangerous sense of foreboding when I'm around her", Megan swallowed some spit. "She's seeping into me! Everything she says and does, whenever she opens her mouth!"

Randy nodded and rubbed Megan's ears. "I know."

"But I won't let her get to me."

"That's good. You should really try to let this all go, it's not good for you. You talk about her every day. I'm so happy you're going to brush it off, that's really mature."

Megan omitted his last statement from her mind. "I'll turn the tables," She said. "I'll enjoy it."


I think it's safe to say that at some point in any adults life that you are going to work with someone that irritates your every last nerve. I know that I have and that is precisely why I wanted to read this book. Thankfully, having worked in customer service my entire life I am able to bullshit with the best of them with a smile on my face but poor Megan really struggles with lashing out at people and, well, being an asshole which she admits she is frequently throughout the story.

My major issue with this book was the ending or lack of one. Butler sets her characters up in problematic situations and we as the readers are waiting to see how the chips will fall for these people but the chips never land. The story ends. We have no idea what happens to Megan or to Jillian and that was a bit frustrating making the rest of the book seem a little pointless.

No matter, I will keep reading Butler's work with a sly grin on my face because she and I share the same dark humor but this definitely won't work for everyone. If young people bitching and moaning turns you off, steer clear, but if you can see the dark humor between the lines you'll appreciate what she's trying to do here. 3.5 stars!

Thank you to Edelweiss and Penguin Books for providing me with a digital ARC in exchange for my honest review.

Profile Image for Emily B.
486 reviews508 followers
November 29, 2021
Thank you to netgalley and the publishers for a copy of this book!

This is the kind of style of writing I enjoy and can almost relate too. It’s a short, quick novel and as the characters could be considered unlikeable I found this novel to be just the right length of exposure into their lives.

After reading this I would look forward to readying other novels by Halle Butler
Profile Image for Robin.
542 reviews3,399 followers
November 4, 2022
This book offers some of the pleasures of an Ottessa Moshfegh novel - a dark humour and scenes depicting social interactions that are train-wreck in nature, and which highlight the absurdity of life - but with less sophistication.

The characters have a true ennui with the world, but none of it seems to be earned (the author doesn't help us out much there, particularly with Megan) and the edge with which it's written seems to have an obvious aim to shock or offend. For example, in the shower, the character has to wash her "snatch" and "asshole". I mean, who thinks of their body parts in this way? Does the character? Or is it the narrative voice? I couldn't tell who had the more negative world outlook, the characters, or the narrator.

Speaking of the narration, this was my biggest problem with the novel. It hops from head to head, which is fine, but it moves from 3rd person omniscient to 1st person and back again several times. Also, as I pointed out in the previous paragraph, the narrative voice isn't neutral, and that confused me and put me off. It gave the text an immature, unfinished feel.

I do want to say, because now I'm starting to sound like a grumpy old grinch who doesn't understand the page by page agony involved in the writing of a novel, that there were definitely parts that I liked. In fact, the whole idea of two women working in a colonoscopy office and living in their own personal hell is darkly comedic, and it did keep me turning the pages. I could imagine the movie version of this story, with Miranda July and Lena Dunham as the leads. There's definitely a something I really enjoyed. I only wish I could have enjoyed it more.

By the end, I actually felt like I was reading the story of two mentally unwell people, ones that need professional help, and empathy, and who have no hope of making it in life without either a suicide or jail time. That didn't strike me as funny or deep, like I'd hoped.
Profile Image for David.
Author 12 books145 followers
April 19, 2015
This is some potent writing. I got into the skewed twinning between the focuses on Jillian and Megan, but I think the real skill here is how Bulter keeps you alternating between rooting for and not liking either of these characters. It's masterfully done and very moving, even in a normal daily life kind of scenario. It definitely beats you around a bit too if for no other reason for what and how much it gets under your skin, but you don't want to stop reading. It's stressful, but very good. I'm impressed.
Profile Image for Zoe.
150 reviews1,231 followers
January 27, 2024
i much preferred this to the new me (controversial maybe???)
Profile Image for rachel.
810 reviews164 followers
April 13, 2019
I'm relieved that Halle Butler's The New Me is the more recent of her two books, because for as much as I loved that book I could not wait to be finished with Jillian. This was a viscerally unpleasant reading experience.

Jillian is about Megan, a young woman who seems at first to have a grudge for her coworker, Jillian, but whom we gradually learn judges all of her friends just as harshly. By the end of the book, she realizes - as the reader has all along - that she has pretty serious depression. Meanwhile, Jillian herself is an optimist who tries to make positive strides (starting a new career! getting a dog! forwarding emails to try to form an (impossible!) relationship with Megan!) but can't ever get her life together and tells white lies to cover up what a mess she really is.

Everyone who's followed my reviews on Goodreads knows I don't shy away from realistic bitterness, depression, or anger, because that's life. But the steady, dull drumbeat of this book - worsened by the cadence of Butler's spare prose - became like the start of a nagging headache. Characters judge each other. Pretty bad, but not awful, things happen to them. Plot is non-existent. Randomly in the second to last chapter there is a brief experimentation with switching character perspectives to the thoughts of birds and raccoons(?!), which amounts to no furtherance of anything. And then it's over with zero resolution, really, to any of the small character arcs that have cropped up.

For as much as I recommend The New Me, I do not recommend Jillian. Not unless you like feeling annoyed, unresolved, and like you'd rather be doing anything other than reading about any of these characters.
Profile Image for Jorie.
364 reviews137 followers
August 24, 2023
When was the last time you thought you were better than someone else? And who was that person?

Halle Butler's novel Jillian explores the uniquely human defense mechanism of hating others of our kind. In it, she reveals the limitations of our ability to really know one another.

As it turns out, what we think we hate about others isn't the worst of who they are.

Nobody's perfect; we all have darkness we keep hidden from the world - our private envies, our delusions, our prejudices, our perversions, our addictions, the histories we rewrite. Things considered improper, unprofessional for modern day-to-day life. If those came to light, perhaps there'd be a more valid reason for hatred.

But hating the face one chooses to show the world is to hate their attempts at success, at assimilation.

And hating that outward projection, that falsehood adopted to navigate this complicated world we've built for ourselves, always reveals more about the hater's darker nature. Yet it's still something we all do, like a compulsion; as if identifying what makes someone worse enhances our own chances of survival.

It's a bizarre cycle of predation that Butler's Jillian illustrates effectively. I give it 3 stars just for the book's overwhelming whiteness, something unfortunately unsurprising for a book published in 2015.

As this is a book that explores hating other members of our species in a capitalist system, leaving the history of racism out of the conversation is a discomfiting choice.

Either Butler decided to craft a narrative where her middle-class white characters only interact with other middle-class whites to side-step discussion of race, which is cowardly, or because it reflects her own experiences in her 20s...which is just 👀 side-eye...
Profile Image for Simone.
58 reviews8 followers
December 24, 2021
I wish the book had ended when Megan fell into the sink.
Profile Image for Leigh.
13 reviews6 followers
October 4, 2017
too close for comfort, painfully sharp dialogue, deliciously loveable unlikeable women characters, and in the last two chapters a beautiful zoom-out look at their surroundings that took me by surprise. perfect poison. can't wait to read more from Halle Butler. curbside splendor is publishing the best kind of american nightmare fiction.
Profile Image for Kate.
34 reviews11 followers
August 20, 2022
I despised every character in this book but I loved reading it
Profile Image for leah.
437 reviews3,052 followers
February 17, 2024
sometimes i enjoy bizarre books like this where nothing really makes sense. but i have to be in the mood for them, and i wasn’t in the mood this time.
Profile Image for Matt Quann.
747 reviews427 followers
February 20, 2019
I sent on my copy of Ottessa Moshfegh's excellent debut novel, Eileen , to a friend and she returned the favour with this novel and the caveat, "I'm not sure that I liked this, but there's definitely some similarities." Indeed, I can see how one would read Moshfegh and Butler's work and draw parallels between the focus on unpleasant physical phenomenon and not always likeable characters. However, Jillian lacks the compelling voice of Eileen and suffers in comparison to her Booker-shortlisted relative.

A book shouldn't only be judged by comparison, and Jillian does manage to stand apart. Gastroenterologist secretaries, Jillian and Megan, are both stuck in some highly miserable ruts in their lives. Megan, a depressed and substance-dependant younger woman, hates the slightly-older Jillian, fears becoming her, and relishes in her slow downfall over the course of the novel.

Unfortunately, not much of this makes itself interesting. There were occasional turns of dialogue or funny interactions that helped brighten the affair, but I found myself dragging my heels through the relatively short read. I'd recommend passing on this one gang!
Profile Image for Jill.
361 reviews358 followers
January 12, 2020
It happens once a year, if I'm lucky. More realistically, they arrive every other year. We are 10 days into January 2020, and it's already happened: the emergence of a new favorite author, Halle Butler.

Favorite author is a difficult category to ascend to. There are many books that I like a lot, even deigning to label them "favorites" but my pantheon of favorite authors, on the other hand, is lightly populated. A favorite book excites me, entertains me, and encourages me to think deeply about something. A favorite author writes books that do all of the above but also engage me on a very primal and personal level, encouraging me to think deeply and differently about things that I already spend a lot of time thinking about. For Halle Butler, those thoughts center on urban alienation, millennial malaise, and career ambitions or lack thereof.

Jillian, her debut novel, is slightly more experimental fare than her most recent outing, The New Me. Although the cover copy leads you to believe that you'll be observing the interactions between Jillian, an optimistic 30-year-old receptionist, and Megan, her grumpy 20-something colleague driven crazy by Jillian's strident and misguided attempts to better herself, you actually jump between the minds of several characters, all of whom find themselves adrift in early 21st-century Chicago.

Each of the characters is wondering, in their own way, what a meaningful life looks like when you're required, at minimum, to spend at least 40 hours a week working to get money to survive, and if you're lucky, afford that "meaningful" life. The characters all have their own approach and fiercely judge the others for what they perceive to be woefully foolish pursuits of happiness. The irony, of course, is that they are all struggling more or less with the same thing but lack the consciousness to recognize it in each other.

This description makes the novel sound painfully serious, but in fact it's quite funny, with an acerbic and cynical narration. Butler has her finger squarely on the pulse of truth that she's managed to package into delightful ditties of novels that seem both lighter and darker than they really are. She writes about lonely people who loathe other lonely people for being just as alone and pathetic as they are. But reading her, you feel less alone, if only for a little while.
Profile Image for Katie.
823 reviews11 followers
November 1, 2017
This book is sour and bitter and weird and that's why I love it.
Profile Image for meow (semi hiatus).
84 reviews9 followers
September 11, 2024
this book felt like a reality check. It not only helped me realize that I am absolutely insufferable, but also miserable lol

this one's for the ottessa moshfegh girls
Profile Image for Sarah.
1,241 reviews35 followers
July 1, 2020
Having read Butler's most recent novel - The New Me - I thought I knew what to expect from Jillian... but this is like that book's awful, even more misanthropic and wild sibling.

Where TNM was biting and satirical this falls flat. The characters have little to no redeeming qualities but in the way where I just didn't care about anything that happened in the story (as opposed to in a way which made proceedings morbidly fascinating). I found the narrative to be messy and confusing too, and nothing anyone did made any sense. If you're at all curious about Butler's writing then do pick up her second novel because it's way better than this one.

Thank you Netgalley and Orion Publishing Group for the advance copy, which was provided in exchange for an honest review
Profile Image for Sarah Etter.
Author 13 books1,208 followers
April 9, 2019
One of the funniest, saddest depictions of working life that I've ever read. Butler's whip-smart sentences and dialogue make this one of those fast reads you cannot put down. I always devour her work - for fans of her latest, The New Me, Jillian offers a great foundation from which Butler has grown. Likewise, you're just as well to start from Jillian and work up to The New Me - she's like Ottessa Moshfegh on steroids at times.
Profile Image for kaleigh.
104 reviews10 followers
June 19, 2021
this shit would have been a solid 2/5 if it wasn’t as random and weird and funny as shit as it was like goodbye i laughed my ass off do i understand why this is a book though? no. not one bit. couldn’t fucking tell you why trees died to publish this however it’s fucking hilarious and an easy read
Profile Image for Conor Ahern.
667 reviews211 followers
October 8, 2018
I'm pretty sure I read this because someone compared it to Eileen. It's somewhat similar, I guess: unlikeable directionless female narrator, saddled with ennui and hobbled by substance abuse and lack of ambition.

But it didn't exhilarate me in the same way.

That's not to say it was unpleasant--it's well written and entertaining, novella-length and imaginative. But it was also mostly forgettable.
Profile Image for Shaelyn.
136 reviews11 followers
May 14, 2022
This book was pretty funny and realistic - I remember feeling similarly when I was in my 20s and doing clerical work. The author did a great job getting the characters' personalities out there - I listened to it and the narration was barely ok- the author narrated it and she did an ok job but somebody else should have done it, still the humor and story makes it 4 stars- if it had professionally narrated I think this could've been a 4.5 or 5 star read, just because it was relatable for me.
Profile Image for Anna.
1,974 reviews928 followers
October 31, 2021
I picked Jillian off the library shelf as I was impressed by Halle Butler's other novel, The New Me. The two have very similar tones and themes: the corrosive effects of late capitalism on the mental health of young women. Jillian distinguishes itself by splitting the point of view between a younger millennial named Megan and an older millennial named Jillian. The former is depressed and hates her life, so drinks heavily at the weekends and lashes out at her friends and boyfriend. The latter is also struggling, but spouts self-improvement rhetoric while denying her real problems. She is a single mother and can barely afford childcare, yet decides to adopt a dog rather than paying a fine that would get her car back from impound. Jillian and Megan are trapped together every weekday in the admin office of a gastroenterologist, answering phones, organising appointments, and filing images of colonoscopies.

This novel is certainly a reminder of the many ways that work is hell. It made me even more grateful to be working from home. Most of the coworkers I've had over the years have been perfectly nice and I've only yearned to murder a handful. Nonetheless, it's much less exhausting not to have to make conversation with colleagues and unwillingly learn about their daily habits, not to mention them learning about yours. I agree with Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine that this is unnecessary. In Jillian, Megan becomes increasingly fixated on how much she hates her fellow admin, who is totally oblivious to this. Butler's narrative is as sharp and acidic throughout as it was in The New Me:

[Megan] sat on the couch and said, "Jillian was totally high all day."
"How could you tell?" asked Randy.
"She was eating cookies and laughing with her mouth full and talking to herself."
"Ha ha ha."
"Being around her makes me feel closer to death."
"Ha."
"It's like, oh-kay, this is the future. Guess I'd better get used to the idea of slowly going crazy and having a baby and going to some sort of freaky church in the suburbs."
"Oh, come on."
"Easy for you to say, 'oh, come on.' You have a real job and friends and shit."
"Uuuughh," said Randy.
"What? I'm in a dead-end job, this is what it means to be in a dead-end job. I face death."
"You can always get another job."
"Not when I am become death."
"Think positive," said Randy.
In bed that night, Randy put his arms around Megan and said, "Hey, I love you."
"What? I love you too."
"No, I mean I really, really love you. You make me happy."
"I know," said Megan. She felt nervous.


After reading Come Join Our Disease, the female nihilism on display here felt quite tame. Yet the insidious power of both Butler's novels is in their lack of climax or catharsis. Megan and Jillian are both trapped in lives they hate, without any sign that they can escape. Butler is a mordantly observant writer who instils a sense of dread that something terrible is about to happen. Then by the end of her books you realise that the real terror is that nothing is about to happen; the unbearable mundanity of daily life will continue until death. I also felt very sorry for the poor dog.
Profile Image for ShaeInRealLife.
14 reviews5 followers
September 5, 2020
I gave this a rating of one star. I really had to force myself not to DNF this since it was a rather short book and wouldn’t take me long but I also felt like it took forever for me to finish this? The brief synopsis of the book was more interesting than the book itself. Both characters were annoying, boring, AND irredeemable. They both sucked and I couldn’t even force myself to like either of them even if I tried. Despite the book being about these two character’s lives, I feel like I know/learned absolutely nothing about either of them. Little to no backstory was given, literally no explanation as to why these characters are the way that they are or how they became that way, yet, for some reason I know enough about Megan’s character to know that she had a three year long yeast infection, her asscrack apparently sweats a lot, and she doesn’t like to wear underwear. As for Jillian, all I could manage to find out about her is that she’s a pathological liar (with no knowledge as to why or how she came to be that way), she’s horrible at managing her priorities, and she spends money on a lot of useless junk. This book was a waste of my time and I was left with nothing but the thoughts of “Wow. What an odd book” and “Everyone seems to love this for some reason but why? Am I missing something in the story? Is there something that I couldn’t seem to interpret?” I wish I would have liked this but it REALLY missed the mark for me
Profile Image for Megan K..
53 reviews
July 31, 2019
This book. I read it because my book buddy Hannah thought I might like it. And I did! But jeeez, did it break my heart. I really felt for Jillian. Maybe because she reminded me of so many of my clients (I represent low-income tenants who are facing eviction). Maybe because since becoming a mom I am so so much more sensitive. Maybe because she is truly a tragic character.

As I write this I kind of think maybe it is mostly the last one. The character made me think how in our protestant work-ethic American society we expect people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps without giving them any real resources to do that. And then judge them, or worse despise them, when they can't. And so that is what we as readers of this novel expect and so desperately want Jillian to do so, but she can't! How can she! She has nothing and no one to help her do it.

Megan, on the other hand, I did not have as much sympathy for. Maybe it is because she's in her 20s and has her whole life ahead of her and will likely get her shit together.

Anyway this is a good book for making you think about humans, and human nature and how we judge each other and whether that judgment is fair or warranted.
Profile Image for Drew.
1,569 reviews615 followers
March 19, 2020
Here's the thing: this is a spectacularly well-written book and also I couldn't possibly recommend it because it is wildly depressing. Does that make sense? For the writing and the sheer evocation of feeling, I want to give it 5 stars; for my actual experience reading, I want to give it 2 because NOOO I did not need to feel more depressed than I already am thank you!

So, I'm going with a 4. Ratings are nonsense anyway, so if you pick this up and read it because I gave it 4 stars, please know that I didn't mean it was going to make you feel good to've read it.
But good lord, Halle Butler is maybe the best author working today at capturing the worst self-loathing depression common among millennials. So there's that.
20 reviews33 followers
November 19, 2014
Every now and then you pick up a book at random and are completely pleasantly surprised. Hovering between 3 and 4 stars, but probably holding back at three for how rotten and sad it made me feel.
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