A Girl & Her Epidural

Yes, I had an epidural.

But not because I wanted to.

Really.

A little story:

So, I labored away for about a million hours totally unmedicated. If you followed Andy's blog updates, you know that I made NO progress. After an obscene amount of time in obscene amounts of pain (more intense than anything with Henry), I thought: "Okay, let me have them give me some Stadol...this happened with Henry...I didn't progress, took some Stadol, took a nap, and woke up at 9 centimeters...let's try that again...I bet it'll work..."

Two doses of Stadol later (and two hours of napping) ...and I was...FOUR centimeters.

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

So, I labored away some more.

After over 20+ hours of laboring and the doctors heavily suggesting a c-section and their worry that if I waited too long and needed an emergency c-section, I would be put completely under general anaesthesia (meaning I wouldn't even be awake for the birth)...I got one. last. idea.

"How about if you give me an epidural now...then I'm prepped for the c-section if that's what needs to happen...and while you are at it, pump me with as much Pitocin, as quickly as you can...if I still haven't made progress in two hours, wheel me away..."

So, it was out of desparation. Not necessarily pain management that I asked for it.

I will, however, say that once I gave in and asked for the Epi, I suddenly lost ALL control of my pain. It was as if I had given up mentally and could no longer STAND the pain. I distinctly remember moaning and asking if the Anaesthesiologist lived in Cambodia or something...he just wasn't coming fast enough. Which is weird because I was "fine" before the Epi conversation...I wonder if that's why so many women can't handle the pain of labor...because psychologically they've given up already? Hmmmm...

Anyway, they first give you a numbing dose so that it doesn't hurt to put the cathedar in. Then, in goes the dreaded Epi. Blech.

It worked...

...for a while. After some time, it was as if there was a small "window" of pain in my abdomen...maybe 2 square inches? I paged the nurse..."um, is this supposed to hurt? I thought Epirdurals were supposed to make you pain free?" I don't remember what she said, but it was something along the lines of "it's normal..." Which I thought was strange because NO amount of feeling should be present if this is what you are going to use to drug me up for SURGERY...

...a few minutes later...that window got bigger...and bigger...until I was doubled over in pain (remember during all of this they are practically POURING Pitocin into me at what was probably an alarming rate)...I paged the nurses a couple more times...Andy and our doula were furiously massaging my legs...so. much. pain.

Nurses finally call the Anaesthesiologist BACK. Who finds that apparently something wasn't plugged in the whole time, so the initial wave of pain relief I felt was actually just from that numbing shot...NOT the epidural.

Fantastic.

He plugs whatever in and I feel immediate relief. Okay, I can see the lure of this thing...

I nap for a few hours. Wake up in pain. Are you serious? The pressure I feel is ENORMOUS. I can hardly speak the pain is incredible.

They check me. 5 centimeters. And it's been like 5 hours. On the highest dose of Pitocin they can give me.

My poor uterus gave up. It was tired. And frankly, so was I.

They wheel me down the hallway. I cry. This is so surreal. But at this point, I'm also hooked up to three different antibiotics (I got an infection at some point from being checked so often with broken water) and my pulse was up to a dangerous 150...and I just wanted the girls out and safely in my arms.

I get to the OR and there's my own personal drug dealer...smiling..."How's that Epidural working now?" "Oh my God...please...turn it back on...it hurts...so...bad...I need you to turn it back on..."

Panting. About ready to scratch someone's eyes out.

"What? You can feel pain?"

"Are you KIDDING me?!!! YES."

"Oh...um...that's weird...it's been on this whole time...well, I guess you don't take well to Epidural...that's unusual...I've only seen that happen one other time...that's really rare..."

OF COURSE IT IS. AND OF COURSE IT HAPPENS TO ME. IF IT HAPPENS TO ONLY 1% OF THE GENERAL PUBLIC, YOU CAN ABOUT PUT MONEY DOWN THAT IT WILL HAPPEN TO ME.

Epidurals don't work on me.

Phenomenal.

"I guess I'll have to give you a spinal..."

"Whatever, just hurry up."

Within seconds my legs went tingly and I felt NOTHING. Ahhhh, so much better...

I laid down on the table.

And the tingling kept creeping up. And up. And up.

And I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like I had a ton of bricks on my chest.

And my arm fell off the table and I had to ask Andy to put it back for me.

And it took every OUNCE of will power to stay awake during the birth. I was so so so so so drugged out of my mind. My tongue wouldn't work. I was slurring my words. My eyes just. wouldn't. stay. open.

All of the Discovery Channel shows say that women will feel pressure and tugging...I felt nothing.

And suddenly, I saw a baby and then another and I had no idea what was going on around me. I don't even remember Andy being there. Did I even say anything to him?

They whisked the girls away and while that would normally have bothered me, I was too high to care. So, I fell asleep as they replaced my internal organs and stapled me shut.

I was wheeled to recovery...where I slept in a drug induced stupor.

And finally met my baby girls three hours later.

Where I fell in love.

Even if they are grounded for life.

For putting me through 27 hours of labor only to end up with a c-section...which got infected...and still sits open and oozing two weeks later.

And even still...

...I love being a mom.

It makes no sense.

Labor Update #2

Okay, still no contractions.

But, it's 2:40 a.m. and I wasn't sleeping anyway and beginning to feel a little anxious...want someone to check the babies and make sure they are both okay. I'm sure they are...

So, we are headed to the hospital in a few minutes. Might as well make my time productive since I'm not sleeping anyway, and I would want to head out by 5 a.m. regardless...

Hopefully if I still don't contract, only a small dose of Pitocin will push me over the edge.

I just pray that I don't need a c-section.

Labor Update #1

Nothing to say. Sadly. Contractions are few, far apart, and completely inconsistent.

Was hoping to hang out at home until they had some consistency...tried to get some sleep in the meantime but the PUPPPS has flared up really badly and I can hardly sit still much less get some shut eye (presumably from the hormone surge???).

If contractions don't start up in the next few hours, we'll probably head out to the hospital.

If I actually fall asleep, I'll take advantage of it and go to the hospital early early in the morning (like before 5).

Ideally, contractions start up. I'd much rather get to the hospital in active labor...otherwise, they'll give me Pitocin to start labor since my water is broken. Phooey.

In the meantime, using sterile toilet paper, taking Vitamin C every hour, taking my temp every few hours (to make sure I don't have a fever), and paying close attention to movement from both girlies.

Will update as soon as we decide to head out. That is, if anyone is even still awake to read these updates!

Water Water Everywhere...

Pretty sure my water just broke.

I know, I know...how am I not 100% positive??? Well, I am positive...but it's just so different than when it happened with Henry. With Henry, it was like in the movies...a huge gush...but this time its more just trickling...kinda like I'm peeing...except that I'm not.

I had lost my "plug" this morning at 9...water broke by 1:15.

I'm really upset though.

We were JUST at Costco buying a few things...I would have LOVED for my water to break right next to the 5 gallon jugs of mayonnaise! Wouldn't that be so funny???!!! Would have made for a fantastic story! Dang...

Anyway, no contractions yet. Just gonna see if I can squeeze in a nap and load up on some protein and carbs to carry me through. I'll be sure to update as we move along in this process!

Pray for a easy and uneventful birth...that doesn't last a ridiculously long time! :)

Prego Pizza

Aron sent me the link to this pizza.

Apparently it has mystical powers that induce labor.

I'm game.

LEGEND OF THE PREGO PIZZA

In the spring of 1981, a woman desperate to give birth after a trying pregnancy, wandered into Skipolini's Pizza in downtown Clayton. Jokingly, the woman demanded that the manager give her a pizza that would make her have the baby soon. Seeing her desperation, the manager concocted a pizza with just about every known topping in the restaurant.

The masterpiece had thirteen different toppings including extra onions and extra garlic. The pizza was loaded with fresh vegetables and six types of meat. The creation weighed over four pounds and could have cured the hunger of several small countries. The results were amazing. The woman left the restaurant after eating the "Prego" pizza and went into labor that same evening. So began the amazing history of the first ever, the original, "Prego" pizza.

After years of success, the "Prego" pizza has been growing in popularity. It has been recommended by doctors and OBGYN's everywhere. The pizza gives hope to pregnant mothers who are just ready to put a happy ending to a long nine months. The "Prego" pizza has been recognized by newspaper, magazine, radio, and television programming alike. In the early years, radio personality Dr. Don Rose first helped publicize the pizza on the radio station KFRC. The successes of the "Prego" pizza have been documented in the Contra Costa Times, Pizza Today magazine, Diablo Magazine, Gourmet Magazine, and many other local publications. The popularity of the "Prego" has also been enhanced by short clips aired on KTVU channel 2, Evening Magazine, CNN, and KPIX, channel 5 news.

There are even "testimonials" on the website. Pretty funny stuff!

Bravery

Okay, everyone.

I'm gonna do it.

Post pictures of my angry red belly.

Why?

I don't know...

I have noticed A LOT more traffic on my blog lately...lots of lurkers out there (Hi! Leave a comment, I'd love to know who's out there!)...presumably lots of twin mamas...and I figure that if I'm going to take up real estate in cyber space, I might as well have some of it be useful to go alongside all the obnoxious "Look at how cute my kids are" pictures.

I need you all to understand that this was a big step for me. It's one thing to post these photos for complete strangers...and a whole other ball of wax to post them and have to actually SEE some of you again! (Especially if any husbands/guys read this blog...like I said, I'm totally vain. It seems to rear it's ugly head when I'm pregnant more often than not!).

So, without further ado, I present....my arch nemesis:

PUPPPS BELLY.

Look at how lopsided and weird my belly looks! You can almost SEE baby parts!!! And where on Earth did my belly button go???

(clicking the pics to make them bigger makes it easier to see the rash...if you DARE)

Worse...what is all this going to look like when it's deflated???

So, you can see that my stretch marks look like they were drawn on with a red sharpie. They used to be a light pink...but PUPPPS starts IN your stretch marks...so those marks are actually a row of closely spaced, little red, very itchy bumps. The rash spreads from the stretch marks out...and they have since spread to my thighs, boobs, BUTT, wrap around to my back, the tops of my hands, between my fingers, the tops of my feet, between my TOES, and backs of my knees.

I've read that PUPPS spares your face, palms, and soles. Yay.

Some of the areas are worse than others. Some itch worse than others (my belly, hands and feet are the worst). And it seems to spread further or deeper about every six hours. I figure it'll be even worse than these photos in the next few days...

I've just about gone through an entire bottle of Caladryl Lotion (in four days), my doc prescribed Lanacaine Gel which did NOTHING (I might as well have just rubbed water on my skin), I take about three oatmeal baths a day (they don't really help, but it makes me feel like I'm at least TRYING), and I take a couple of Benadryl before bedtime...which knocks me out for about 3-4 hours, but then I wake up feeling like my body is ON FIRE.

The itching is maddening. It makes me feel like the Joker in Batman...the Heath Ledger version. Like I need a straight jacket to keep my hands away from my skin. Craziness I tell you!

What's the cure? Apparently it fades about 1-2 weeks after delivery (although *somehow* I think I'll be the exception to that rule!). Hence, my decision to go ahead with the induction (which has now been moved to 5am on Monday morning...that'll be another post, I'm sure).

My sister Marcia advised me yesterday: "You know, you should really start playing the lotto! With your luck, you'll actually WIN!"

The girl has a point.

Crack

I have a confession to make.

I have an addiction.

It's bad.

It's like my own personal crack.

I carry it around constantly.

Can't leave the house without it.

Yesterday I couldn't find it for about fifteen minutes and I thought I was going to have an all out panic attack.

I need a "hit" at least once an hour...every hour...around the clock.

Yes, even in the nighttime hours.




This rash is UN.REAL. If I could take a vegetable peeler to my belly and remove my skin...I totally would.

Except that that would be gross.

I can deal with the discomfort of this huge belly.

I can deal with the aches and pains.

But this rash has me seriously ready for the loony bin.

It covers my ginormous belly, the backs of my hands, the tops of my feet and in between my toes! The itching is relentless and intense isn't even a good enough word...

At my OB appointment this morning, one of the other midwives (the "old" one...who's been doing this for 25+ years) came in to get something out of the room...and saw my angry red belly and said "Wow...I think that's the worst case of PUPPS I've ever seen!"

Because that's how I roll.

Go big or go home, right?

So, when my midwife asked about induction, I very reluctantly agreed to set a date.

I may end up cancelling it, but to be honest, I just don't know how I can go on much longer with this rash. I haven't slept in two days and I can hardly function because of the itching.

I had her strip my membranes in hopes of helping speeding things along a little bit more naturally...but if I don't go into labor on my own...and presuming I don't cancel the date...I'm scheduled to go into the hospital at 4:00 on Sunday afternoon.

I'm really disappointed in myself. I really didn't want to induce. I feel selfish. Like, I can't just "man-up" enough to put up with things for the sake of my girls. It makes me sad that I'm even ON the schedule. I don't know. We'll see. I may end up cancelling it altogether...

Maybe I can have the girls today?! 07/08/09! Yeah right...that would be too easy!

Update to my Update

Okay, I'm going to make this quick because I gotta get on the road...

-Yesterday called Brenda just to say hi and give her an update. She cheered me on and told me to hang in there and let the girls bake as long as they need to.

-Called her this morning crying about my rash.

-She said I needed to get into my OB today to have my bp, urine and liver checked. Said that the rash could be a symptom of my liver not functioning properly and that would be bad for babes. Said that they would likely want to induce me today because this far along it wouldn't be worth steroid creams that may not work anyway.

-Called OB. Have to be there by 10:00 a.m. Girl on the phone said that I needed to bring my hospital bag...would likely be induced. I'm going to try and convince them to give me a couple of days...maybe I can induce labor naturally? Have a feeling that won't be the case. We'll see.

K, gotta go.

Will update my blog regardless of what happens at my appointment. Please pray that if they do induce today that I can avoid a c/s.

Crazy, exciting and scary. What a day!

Pregnancy Update

Yes, update...not announcement.

(I've noticed my blog is getting an awful lot of hits lately...presumably from folks checking to see if anything has happened!!!)

Well, tomorrow I hit 38 weeks.

Did you know that by now over 80% of twins have been born?

Shocking that I'm not one of them. Especially if you remember this post.

I had an OB appointment last Wednesday...and after telling me how great I was doing and how she couldn't believe how wonderful everything was looking, the midwife then said:

"So, let's set a time for your induction on Monday..." (Like, TODAY Monday...)

Huh????

Long story short, the doc "prefers" to induce twins at 38 weeks. I'm not so keen on induction...and besides, I had been told by the other two midwives that we would talk about induction at 39 weeks, not 38. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever make it that far, so I never really pushed the issue. Long story short, she talked with the doctor and he said that 39 was fine with him. Weird, didn't realize I needed your permission...

Why don't I want to be induced? Well, basically, I want to avoid a c-section as much as possible. Unfortunately, if your body isn't ready for labor, it won't respond to the drugs/procedures. Doubly unfortunate is that if the induction doesn't work, they don't send you home for a couple days to come back and try again...nope, do not pass go, do not collect $100. You WILL be having those babies. Hence the reason that your c-section rate jumps to 50% anytime you are induced. Thanks, I'll pass.

Ironically, however, I am miserable. The discomfort has turned into downright PAIN. You would think I would JUMP at the chance to be done. And to add insult to injury, I think I have PUPPS. PUPPS is a pregnancy related rash (occurring in 1% of all pregnancies...sigh...) that is harmless to you and babe, but is EXCRUTIATINGLY itchy. I cannot even BEGIN to describe to you how badly I itch. Last night, I was up every hour slathering my belly in Vitamin E oil. And now this morning, I have the little bumps on the backs of my hands too. (By the way, the photo in that link is a really severe case...mine doesn't look THAT bad...yet...). PUPPS most commonly occurs in twin pregnancies and beyond high dosage steroids, the only "cure" is to deliver the babies.

I told Andy (between tears) this morning that maybe I should have let her schedule my induction after all!

I still really don't want to induce, but honestly, there is a part of me that worries...if I'm spending so much energy (emotional and physical) NOW and getting next to NO sleep for weeks on end, how on earth am I going to have the stamina to endure unmedicated labor???

Okay, I'll hang in there. They can't stay in there FOREVER right???

Oh for Pete's Sake Already!!!

(37 weeks, 3 days)

Dear Girls,

I know that it's probably nice and cozy and warm in mama's belly right now. And I know that mama BEGGED you to stay put just a few weeks ago. But there comes a time in every little girl's life, that she has to move on to the next phase.

In your case, it is time to come meet the world. Mommy's really tired. Her itching belly keeps her up at night. She has an entire panel at the bottom of her tummy where the muscle is actually tearing away from the abdominal wall. It hurts her. And girls, you will one day understand when I say "stretchmarks". I mean, really. It's getting out of control over here.

Besides, isn't it squishy and cramped in there by now? Wouldn't you like to stretch out those little bodies and see your brother? Your grandmas are getting anxious too! Don't worry, you can still see eachother and even sleep in the same bed, so don't worry about missing your sister.

The doctor wants to make you come out at 39 weeks. And let's be serious ladies...you don't need no stinking doctor telling YOU what to do and when, right??? Okay, so let's get some gumption and show him YOU'RE the boss! Okay? Okay!

I know it'll be hard at first. You getting to know me. Me getting to know you. Learning how to eat. Having to wait on other people to change your diapers. Not understanding what this whole pesky nighttime/daytime thing is all about. It's a little scary. Mama knows.

But I can promise you that it's also a lot of fun. We can play and cuddle and laugh together. Heck, we'll even cry together too! I'm sure of that! And just WAIT until you see your new room! Super cute! And CLOTHES...! Girls...you. have. no. idea.

Mommy is really proud of you for sticking it out and baking this whole time. You are good girls. But consider this your official eviction notice. Hotel Jeannett is closing. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay. Go ahead and take the towels and the little soaps. It's fine. Just get out.

Love,
Your Mommy

Hoping I don't jinx myself...

...I'm going to post this really awesome video I found of natural twin births and the misconceptions that come along with it. (Don't worry, not graphic at all...).

The ending is a bit on the cheesy side, but the overall message is just great. I hope that my birth follows this same theme.

I'm 37 weeks today. I can hardly believe it.

36 weeks, 6 days

Well, it's official.

I have been pregnant longer with my twin girls than I was with Henry!!!

He was born at 1:00 a.m. at 36 weeks, 6 days. Considering it is now 7:35 a.m. and I am still ridiculously pregnant, it looks like we've made it!!!

Anyone else find that funny/ironic/poetic or whatever word fits best?

That my "high risk" twin pregnancy has actually been much less eventful than my "easy" pregnancy?

Okay, sure, I was on bedrest for 2.5 weeks...which by the way, I've let myself off of...I physically CAN'T do very much without my back throbbing or my lower extremities swelling or my tummy cramping up, but I'm not sitting quite as much as I was. I even went to Pier 1 yesterday to look for new throw pillows. Sure, I was EXHAUSTED after that 15 minute jaunt, but it was more than I've done in a long time!!! I think that is more attributed to my sheer size than it is from being a complication or what have you, you know? (Oh, and by the way, I came home throw pillow-less...did you know that throw pillows are like $25 EACH???!!! Crazy. Maybe I'll make some...in my spare time. Right.)

Andy also took me to see Transformers yesterday...although that's mostly sitting so I'm not sure how much activity that could count as. But the girls moved and bounced around in my tummy soooo much...my guess is because of all the loud noise. I actually got teary eyed during the movie...not AT the movie, but just thinking how I cannot wait to see these girls little faces and hug them and cuddle them and smell that sweet newborn smell and tell them I love them. I feel like it's been a long time coming. Maybe not in terms of days and weeks, but emotionally. This whole pregnancy has been such a roller coaster ride. I've never been so terrified of losing a baby in my life. Or, at the very least, having a baby all hooked up to machines and weighing less than three pounds. Because, really, that's what every twin book has you believing.

But nope, here I am, 36 weeks and 6 days and getting bigger by the day. It's almost time to do those jumping jacks!!! Because you know, when I told my husband that we were going to have sex three times a day to get labor going his response was..."ugh...that sounds like a lot of work..." Great. Thanks. Because I don't already feel like a giant amorphous lop! He's lucky I'm not sensitive!!! :)

Birth Plan

I thought I might share my birth plan since I'm obviously not going the home birth route this time around.

Remember, the operative word here is PLAN.

This is all assuming a healthy, non-complicated, full term delivery.

· C-section is to be done ONLY AS AN ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT. All attempts to deliver both babies vaginally are of utmost importance. I really want a natural birth, but frankly, more than that, I really don't want to be recovering from major surgery while trying to care for two newborns and a toddler...

· Dad and/or doula to be present at ALL times.

· No epidural. I don't judge anyone if they have had an epidural. It's a very personal decision. I will admit, however, that I do feel a little sad...yes, it is painful, but really, I think women are missing out. It is an amazing experience and the pain is without a doubt worth it.

· No IVs. I don't want to be tied down to machinery. If I'm dehydrated, I'll drink water. I'm skittish about needles anyway and it's hard for me to just ignore its presence.

· Intermittent use of fetal monitors. Again, I don't want to be tied down to the bed. I want to walk and move. If they want to listen to heart tones, they'll have to do it in spurts.

· Freedom to walk and eat/drink during labor.

· No episiotomy, except to avoid 4^th degree tearing. Many studies have shown that tearing is actually easier to heal from since your body isn't meant to be cut in a perfectly straight line. In fact, many OB's are no longer performing routine episiotomies anyway because of this. And I don't think mine does so this shouldn't be an issue anyway...

· Dad is to cut the umbilical cords…AFTER they have stopped pulsing. We aren't banking the cord blood (it's way too expensive, and interestingly, many cord blood banks won't take twins...not sure why). But the point is, that if cord blood is so important, I'd like my girls to have as much of it as possible since I'm not banking it.

· Delay all routine newborn exams for the first half hour. Babies can be cleaned up, weighed, etc. in due time. Please allow those first precious moments to be in mom and dad’s arms. I always find it interesting that nurses whisk an otherwise healthy baby away immediately. I don't care if my baby is "dirty". And you know what? They'll weigh the same and have the same footprints in 20 minutes. Let me cuddle thankyouverymuch.

· Unless otherwise directed, Dad is to hold Baby A during delivery of Baby B. This kind of goes back to the point above. Andy may decide that he doesn't want to hold the baby while the other is being delivered so that he isn't distracted, but I want that to be his decision.

· NO eye drops for the babies. Erythromycin drops are put in newborn eyes as a standard procedure in California (and most states). The purpose of the drops is to prevent blindness in case mommy has Chlamydia or Gonorrhea. Some studies suggest that the drops can cause damage to some babies' eyes...I don't know if that's true or not, but for us, the bigger issue is that I don't have an STD so it's just not necessary. Plain and simple.

· NO Vitamin K shot. The Vitamin K shot is given because babies don't have enough in their systems for their blood to clot properly for the first few days of life. This is important for timing of circumcision and also for a very rare, but fatal brain bleeding disorder. My girls will obviously not be circumsized, and while the brain thing is very very very rare, it is also very very very deadly. The Vitamin K shot gives babies a HUGE dose in one foul swoop. Some studies have found a link to childhood leukemia from such a gigantic one-time dose. Other studies have said that there is no link. I don't know. I'm not a doctor or medical researcher. I don't pretend to be. But what I DO know is that you can get all of the benefits of the extra Vitamin K without any potential issues (real or imagined) by giving them an oral dose of Vitamin K over the course of a few days, it seems prudent to just do that instead. You work with your pediatrician to get a prescription for the oral vitamin in advance of the birth...So basically, you get all of the benefits/protections without any scary studies...here is a great article.

· NO Hep vaccine. Again, this is one of those general health and welfare things (like the eye drops)...I don't have hepatitis, so we're good. My babies don't need to be pricked with a needle because doctors can't trust their patients to be telling them the truth about whether or not they are IV drug users. This is one of those things that is probably a good standard protocol for the general population and has likely made a difference for newborns...but in our case, Nancy Reagan taught me to Just Say No, so we're cool.

· Babies are to room-in with mom. This is standard at either of the hospitals I would deliver at, but I figured I'd throw it in anyway.

· Mom or Dad to be present if babies are to be taken from room and during all procedures. This is basically just so we know what is being done and/or given to our kids.

· NO bottles, formula, water or pacifiers. Mom plans to nurse exclusively. I think this one's pretty self-explanatory.

· If the babies require specialized care, they are to be kept together in the same isolette, if possible. I don't even think this is necessary to write down because unless they are hooked up to way too many machines and have major issues, I think most NICU's put twins together anyway...many many many studies have shown that when multiples are put together they heal and get better much sooner!

· Discharge from hospital as soon as possible (preferably within 24 hours of birth). I hate hospitals. I am very thankful we have amazing medical advances, but in general, I hate being in them unless I ABSOLUTELY have to. Some people see hospitals as bastions of cleanliness, safety and security. Honestly, all I can think about is death and germs and sickness. They give me the heebie-jeebies. I know, it's kind of weird, but I always feel like I'm on the verge of passing out whenever I'm in one...

· Discuss ALL procedures with us PRIOR to performing them.

So there you have it. My Birth PLAN. Who knows what's going to actually happen, but this is what I expect assuming all is well and there are no emergencies or other unusual circumstances...

What a little PUNK!

So, I realized this morning that I hadn't really felt Baby B move in a while...I felt her last evening, but I hadn't felt her moving all through the night or even this morning, so I got nervous in light of this weekend's events.

So, I hopped in my car and drove to my perinatologist unannounced in hopes of getting them to squeeze me in between appointments and just look for two little flashing heartbeats. "20 seconds, that's all I ask...you can even charge me a full appointment, I don't care..."

Luckily, the doctor allowed it (much to the chagrin of his receptionist who was a complete *witch* and told me that I would have to go to the ER for something like that).

Anyway, both girls are fine, heartbeats blinking away. Whew.

Oh, except that the reason I probably wasn't feeling Baby B so much was because...

THE LITTLE PUNK TURNED BREECH ON ME!!!

You know, she had really pronounced movement the other day...so much so that I told Andy that I thought something was up...but it never occurred to me that she would have *completely* flipped!!! And here I thought she was being so obedient! :)

Oh well, I'm just glad that both girls are still okay (I was really worried for a while there) and my OB is still okay with attempting a vaginal birth so long as Baby A stays head down...

Psychology of a Twin Pregnancy

If you are ever pregnant with twins, the FIRST thing you will notice is the apparent doom and gloom associated with it. Words like bedrest, pre-term labor, twin to twin transfusion syndrome, Intra Uterine Growth Restriction, placental abruption, pre-eclampsia...all become commonplace vocabulary. Every book, internet site, article and doctor you encounter will warn you of all of these risks and leave you believing that you'll be lucky to still have two live babies at the end of it all.

You anxiously count down the weeks to viability (24 weeks), worry and jump at every little thing and read, read, read...and go back and read it all again.

You find yourself praying prayers you had never once dreamed of:

"Dear Lord, please do not let one of my babies die. Please do not let me have to carry around a dead baby for months for the sake of the live one..."

And you chug along, half terrified because that's all you've been told to expect.

And somehow, you find yourself pretty far along. And you are HUGE. Uncomfortable. Everything hurts. You don't know just how much more you can take. Tasks once considered simple...loading the dishwasher, sweeping the floor, sleeping, breathing...are now painful. Oh, and there's still at least six weeks to go! Every night as you crawl into bed, you secretly celebrate having made it through just one more day of misery.

This is where you find yourself no longer worrying so much about not making it to term...now you worry about going the whole FORTY WEEKS!!! All you want is to be over and done with this...as soon as is feasible of course. You just want time to speed up so that you can have some semblance of your former self back. The thought of being that 1% that makes it to forty weeks sounds like Chinese water torture...

And then, one day, well into viability, yet too soon to avoid NICU time, you start to feel the beginnings of labor. And you feel so guilty for wishing you could be done. So you lay around like a bump on a log always expecting that tell-tale gush of water...knowing that rather than relief, you will only feel desparation and guilt at your feelings just a few days earlier.

Moral of the story: this is tough.

Things that make you go hmmmm....

So, here I am 33.5 weeks pregnant. So far, no complications...until yesterday.

It all started Thursday night: I took Henry to Farmer's Market in SLO. After we (slowly) walked around, we stopped by to see the end of Daddy's basketball game at church. I sat on the floor on the sidelines, and when it was time to leave, I asked Andy to hoist me up. Not quite sure what happened, but it ended in him dropping me and falling to the floor himself...and both of us laughing hysterically.

Later that night, I felt some weird cramping in my lower back. I didn't think much of it.

Friday morning as I drove Henry to daycare, my back started cramping...slowly at first, in a rhytmic spasm...it got worse and worse to the point that I thought that maybe I was going to have to pull over from the pain.

As I reflected on the morning, I realized that I had been having A LOT of braxton hicks contractions. BH are normal, but become worrisome when you have 6 or more in an hour. I had easily surpassed that.

"Is this pre-term labor or is this from being dropped last night?" I asked Brenda.

I actually expected her to tell me it was nothing and to just sit down and drink some water. Instead, she expressed concern and told me to go see a chiropractor and see if I can book a prenatal massage. That way, if it was just back pain from the fall, it would get better...although she admitted that the back pain I was experiencing sounded more like back labor than it did from the fall.

Well, my chiropractor appointment and massage were HEAVENLY...both of whom also suggested that what I described sounded more like back labor contractions...

Fortunately, my braxton hicks stopped...unfortunately, to be replaced with real contractions. Nothing too painful, but definately real ones.

I was pretty convinced that we were going to be having our girls this weekend.

Brenda gave me some suggestions to help stop labor, but said that it was unlikely that it would work.

Crap.

Well, somehow, someway, it all stopped. My back quit cramping, my contractions went away.

Until suddenly, an hour later, I was laying on the couch watching a movie, when I suddenly found myself completely out of breath, my heart was pounding and I felt like it was 110 degrees...I really felt like I had just taken a jog... I took my blood pressure and it was through. the. roof.

Out of the blue.

Brenda's last suggestion was to take a 1/2 hour bath in epsom salts. Epsom salt is magnesium sulfate...which is what they give you in the hospital via IV to lower blood pressure. I had to hope that I absorbed enough mag through my skin to lower my blood pressure...if that didn't work, I was going to have to go to the hospital and likely have my babies that night.

Andy took a shower and started putting a bag together for himself. We were pretty sure that this was it.

After my bath...my blood pressure was per.fect. And stayed that way.

I still half expected my water to break or for my contractions to start back up again all night. But it never did. It all stayed away.

For now, I am basically on bedrest for a few days (can't be on my feet longer than 5-10 minutes)...see if we can figure out what the heck was going on and if maybe it was just a false alarm.

I haven't contracted anymore today and my blood pressure has been fine...but I certainly feel major tightening whenever I stand up for more than 2 minutes...

Hopefully I can keep these girls baking for just a couple more weeks...if they were to be born now, they would ultimately be fine, but we wouldn't be able to bring them home with us...they would need about 2 weeks of NICU...so sad.

Anyway, that's an update. Let's hope we can keep baking!!!

And the show has hit an all time low...

I met up with a few of the girls from work for lunch yesterday. (Which, by the way, was FABULOUS).

I got there first. The hostess seated me.

At a booth.

I DON'T FIT IN THE BOOTH!!!!

Who does that???!!!

I had to grab all of the place settings and menus and move them to a table.

Where I could sit as far away from the table as my gigantic-ness needed.

Half of me wanted to laugh...

Half of me wanted to cry.

Maybe it's just hormones.

But I never thought I wouldn't fit in a restaurant booth...pregnant or not.

Are we there yet?

Holy Moly

Had a perinatologist appointment yesterday.

The ultrasound estimates that:

Baby A weighs 4 lb. 2 oz.

Baby B weighs 3 lb. 14 oz.

I'm not real great at math, but I'm pretty sure that adds up to 8 lbs. of baby.

Already.

Oh yeah, and that extra placenta and amniotic fluid adds another 3 lbs. or so.

Oh, and I'm "only" 32 weeks.

Measuring 40 in case you weren't sure.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm 5'2"?

Andy may have to knock out a wall to get me out of the house and to the hospital by the end of all this...

Then and Now

Then:

Let's take a field trip in my time machine...close your eyes...wait, you're reading...okay, just imagine...

As many of you know, I had planned for a homebirth with Henry. I had read all 10 of the required books, taken the classes, did all my homework, taken my all-natural supplements...

...I had my stork supplies ready to go, sitting in a box in the corner of my dining room, the deposit was paid on my birthing tub...

Thursday, June 21st, the first day of my maternity leave, I spent the day doing baby laundry, skimming my Bradley Birth Book and otherwise hanging out.

At about 8:30 p.m. I decided to take a bath. Lit some scented candles.

I read the Week 36 chapter in "Your Pregnancy Week by Week" book.

I felt something...ignored it. I knew that I had poor bladder control at this point, but I didn't want to think about it too much or it would gross me out and I would have to take a shower...and I really didn't feel like taking a shower...

As I stepped out of the bathtub, the moment my foot hit the linoleum floor, I felt a huge gush.

My water had broken.

At that exact second, I heard the kitchen door open.

Andy was home from basketball.

I immediately started sobbing.

Hysterical.

I was only 36 weeks and 4 days pregnant...

...and my midwife was in Oregon. A 13 hour drive away.

I yelled "NO! NO! NO!" Thinking that if I cried loud enough, it would stop.

It didn't.

It just kept coming. More water than I knew possible.

My visions, hopes, dreams, hard work and research for a homebirth had gone up in smoke right before my very eyes.

***

Fast forward a few hours later: I am lying in bed laboring. Andy is diligently timing my contractions and tracking it all on a pad of paper.

Suddenly, I gasp.

"What's wrong?! Are you okay???!!! What happened? Do we need to leave?!"

"A bag, Andy! A hospital bag! I don't have one packed!"

"Crap! What do I put in it?"

"I have no idea!...go find my pregnancy book, I think I remember seeing a list in there..."

I quickly skim the index in the back of the book...."H"....Hospital Bag....page 192...

I read off the list between contractions as Andy rushes around the house throwing things into a duffel...

"Clothing for mom"

"Okay, which ones?"

"ANDY I DON'T CARE, THIS ISN'T A FASHION SHOW, JUST FIND SOMETHING!!!" (Through gritted teeth and a contraction).

"Underwear"

"Which ones?"

"AnDREW...!!!!"

***

28 hours from my water breaking, I had my new munchkin in my arms.

Eventually, I needed a shower.

It was then that I realized my mistake:







He had packed thongs.

***

Now:



Packed. Ready to go. Way too early. I may even have to dust the bag off before we go.

But at least I'll have gigantic cotton maternity undies awaiting me when I need it.

The Real Housewives of Santa Barbara County

The Truth:

• I don't work.
  
• I just woke up from an hour and a half mid-afternoon nap.
• I ate some Oreos and milk while watching Oprah.
  
• My son is at daycare.
• My cleaning lady just left.

Sounds really bad, huh?!...

The REAL Truth:

• I'm just on maternity leave from my full time office job.
• Being almost 29 weeks pregnant with twins makes naps a necessity...and it didn't help that one of Andy's East Coast clients called at FOUR THIRTY in the morning. Apparently he didn't get the memo that we are in California...but it took a while for the adrenaline rush of a phone call at that hour to wear off...
• Okay, I have no real excuse for the Oreos/Oprah...that was just pure indulgence.
  
• Henry goes to daycare three days a week...so that mom can actually rest and take it easy like the doctor ordered.
  
• I do have a cleaning lady...temporarily at least. Not only did the docs tell me to not do housework, but when I merely mopped my kitchen floor a couple of weeks ago, I ended up having contractions for two hours afterward. After that little episode, I told Andy he had three options:

1. The house was going to be filthy for the next 6 months.
2. He had to clean.
3. We would hire a cleaning lady for the remainder of my pregnancy and hopefully the first 3-4 months that the girls are here.
   

No surprise he chose #3.

That's better, right? :)

And just because blog posts are boring without pictures, apparently rainy cold days mean face painting at daycare! :)