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GA Review

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Kaumodaki/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: BenLinus1214 (talk · contribs) 01:40, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Currently third on my "to review" list, after Ed the Happy Clown and Education and Democracy: The Meaning of Alexander Meiklejohn. BenLinus1214talk 01:40, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • Instead of the parenthetical in the first sentence, how about "the gada, a type of Indian mace…"
In many English sources, mace is interchangeably used for gada. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • After the first sentence of the third paragraph, use transitional language: "In depictions that use this version"
Done. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • The final paragraph of the lead is quite vague in its language (i.e. "regarded" without saying who regards it this way and "various texts" without specifying what they are.
Regarded: It is general belief of scholars about the gada/mace. The para is supposed to summarize "Development and symbolism". --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • The bit beginning "Vishnu may have earned..." kind of sounds like a quote, but if it's not, just vice versa would suffice without explaining it.
Done. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A popular epithet of Vishnu calls..." Epithets can't call people things—how about just "is"
Done. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "depicted in the depictions" is repetition
Done. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is the first image in the "iconography" section a photo of the early depiction of the Kaumodaki in Vishnu's right hand that you were speaking of? Specify in the image's caption either way.
Done. Info taken from File:Four-armed Seated Vishnu in Meditation - Mediaeval Period - Pannapur - ACCN 14-379 - Government Museum - Mathura 2013-02-23 5275.JPG.--Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "transformed too" is a bit informal—maybe "transformed as well"
Done. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the lower hands rest of two dwarf figures" What does this mean? Are you describing the other two objects typically associated with Vishnu? Or something else entirely? Either way, we're not sure what "dwarf figures" mean.
Done. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would probably put all the Gadadevi stuff together and not start it in the middle of a paragraph—in addition to the first sentence, there's another sentence in there which does not describe Gadadevi.
Sorry, unclear. The last two paras are dedicated to Gadadevi. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The mace or club is one of the oldest weapons known to man" This is a bit informal and kind of irrelevant. If you really want to keep it, it needs to have a backing inline cite after it.
  • Second sentence also needs a citation afterwards--otherwise it reads a bit like OR.
  • In its current form, because you don't go into too much detail on the popularity with Vishnu worshippers point, I might remove the first two sentences--the third sentence is kind of a natural starting point.
For three comments above: theory 1 - since it is one of the oldest/strongest weapons, it is seen with Vishnu. Theory 2 - popular with worshippers, so they started depicting it with patron god. Theory 3 - association of gada with the epic heroes.--Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • For people this far through the article, you don't need the (mace) parenthetical or any replacement.
Done. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Kaumodaki is said to 'intoxicate' the mind." Is this still about what the Vishnu Purana says?
Yes.--Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As per the" according to is probably better
Done. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Like the invincible Time…" you can't really say this in the encyclopedia's voice.
Done. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • After reading it, I think that this section might be better named "Origin and symbolism"
Done. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Lightning not lightening
Done. --Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Redtigerxyz: Basically just a few writing points, and that's it. BenLinus1214talk 14:30, 13 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

BenLinus, Thanks for the review. I am semi-retired and edit wikipedia almost once or twice a week. Apologies for the delayed responses. Please bear with me. Redtigerxyz Talk 06:11, 25 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
It's actually okay, as I was gone for a week. This article looks a lot better now, so pass. BenLinus1214talk 16:00, 26 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the pass BenLinus. Redtigerxyz Talk 17:24, 26 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

New article proposed - "Weapons of power in Hindu epics"

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Discussion of a proposed consolidated Weapons of power in Hindu mythology article is at Talk:Kurukshetra War#New article proposed - "Weapons of power in Hindu epics". --Bejnar (talk) 15:54, 22 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

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