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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I have been doing major work on this article and am at a slight stump on how to improve it.
Thanks, ReelAngelGirl Talk to me! Tea? 17:36, 4 April 2012 (UTC)
outside my bailiwick
editThis is well outside my bailiwick as I am a male bunhead. The extent of step dance is that I wear a very soft jazz shoe — similar to a ghillie — from Capezio that they call the Fizzion. — Robert Greer (talk) 00:23, 8 April 2012 (UTC)
- lead: greatly contributed to its popularity ("to" needed).
- MOS:REFPUNC conformance: no space before ref tag, tags follow punctuation.
- Roots: "... are a product of modern times.". Remove the second full stop.
- Roots: need a bit more explanation of Connemara, Munster and perhaps other styles, what is distinctive about each?
- Roots: use
{{lang|ga|An Coimisiún le Rincí Gaelacha}}for Gaelic words, here and elsewhere (see for example Irish Dance). - Roots: Philadelphia-born
- Roots: last three paras really need a reference each.
- Group dance: CLRG appears without explanation: full name with acronym in parentheses on first occurrence.
- Costume: unreferenced
- Competitive costumes: this section needs copyediting for style, spelling. References to prices are problematic, need at least the year, probably as a note next to the first mention of a price.
- Competitive costumes:
{{clear left}}at end of section so next section title follows the image. - Shoes: unreferenced.
- Hard shoes: ... is, unlike the tap shoe, made ... (extra comma needed) also wikilink for tap shoe?
- Soft shoes: capitalise Oxford.
- Soft shoes:
{{clear left}}at end of section so next section title follows the image. - Competition structure: unreferenced.
- Competition structure: no need for bold here, italics will do.
- In the media: which that --> which.
- In the media: no need for bold here.
- In the media: first para unreferenced.
- References: need tidying up with titles instead of bare links, authors, dates, publisher, access date etc as necessary. I suggest using
{{cite web}}and friends.
Happy editing...
References, prose
edit- The flags are a little harsh, but accurate. References are needed for all statements which might, in principle, be queried by a normal intelligent reader. I believe there is a lack of good reference books in many areas of popular dance, so I have sympathy with editors who work on dance article. Personally, I keep a stack of books on topics I edit regularly, because the web is such an erratic source of information.
- The prose is variable, and (in places) rather poor. Some sentences go on far too long, and much needs rewriting to say the same things more clearly and crisply. I really hate seeing phrases like "Judges critique performances.." As prose, that's just rubbish. What judges do is mark performances. The complete sentence is "Judges at competitions critique the dancers primarily on their performance, but they also take into account presentation". There then follows a long section on costumes, which is maybe what 'presentation' means. Is it? And how do judges mark performances? Most dance teacher organisations have explicit rules as to how competitions are judged. Readers might want to know more.
- Where graphics are placed both left and right on a page there is always the possibility of the text flow being compromised. Text is primary for the reader, illustrations are secondary. Therefore in some places the graphics files need to be shifted over to the right.
- Dances like reels, jigs and the hornpipe are obviously not (or not particularly) Irish dances in their origin, and care should be taken not to make claims which others may see as overly nationalistic. Perhaps what was meant is that they were reinterpreted as Irish step dances? I don't know; the language is not clear.
- Mirokado's point #3: I would remove the first full point, because the quote is internal to the sentence, and sentences are ended by full points. Anyway, do something!
- Lastly, I do not think the article is in bad shape. Apart from references, many of its problems are in, well... presentation! Macdonald-ross (talk) 09:17, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
- Punctuation and quotes
(point 5) Please see MOS:LQ. If the full stop is in the original text it goes inside the quote (which is what I was assuming), otherwise outside. --Mirokado (talk) 13:57, 10 April 2012 (UTC)
I agree with Macdonalc-ross, the presentation can be improved. Regarding the references, it might be a topic requiring more references from actual books vs. internet. It's part of the Irish culture and I am sure there is a lot of historic reference available. Anyone from Ireland whiling to help? I find myself having a hard time finding pictures on the right then on the left. It might not be a big issue for everyone out here, but it does feel more "readable" to have everything set under a similar format. For example having the picture of the "soft shoes" and the "hard shoes" both on the right or left. Hope it helps a little.TrailerTrack (talk) 23:33, 24 April 2012 (UTC)