Wikipedia:Peer review/Dürer's Rhinoceros/archive1

Dürer's Rhinoceros

A small but interesting piece of European zoological and art history. The article includes the main images, and refers to two main recent references, but anyone with access to Donald Lach's three-volume A Century of Wonder from the 1970s, or L.C. Rookemaaker's Bibliography of the Rhinoceros from 1983 is particularly welcome. I will be on wikibreak shortly, but am looking to take this to WP:FAC towards the end of August: any comments or contributions are welcome. -- ALoan (Talk) 02:13, 16 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Very interesting and fairly flawless in my opinion. Unfortunately I don't have either of the books, so I can only make general comments. I did a bit of copyediting (trying to reduce the instances of "the rhinoceros"). Some minor niggles:
- "The rhinoceros advanced slowly and deliberately towards its foe; the elephant, unaccustomed to the noisy crowds who turned out to witness the spectacle, fled the field in panic without a blow being struck." - I'm likely to be wrong but this sounds like a direct quote from the source in which case it should be in quote marks.
- "and a green velvet collar decorated with flowers" - should this be "and wearing a green velvet collar decorated with flowers"?
- "impagliato" should be explained
- "...then created a woodcut from the second drawing, with the process of fabrication making one a reflection of the other." I found this phrasing awkward but couldn't see how to recast it.
- "Burgkmair corresponded with merchants in Lisbon and Nuremberg, but it is not clear whether he had access to a letter or sketch like Dürer's or saw the original in Portugal." I rephrased this to make it clearer, but you'd better check I understood it correctly from the original.
- "Only one copy of Burgkmair's image has survived, but Dürer's original single block print was copied many times." - there is no real connection between the two parts of the sentence. You should say whether many copies of Dürer's survive and/or whether Burgkmair's was copied at all.
- "Non buelvo sin vencer" should be "No vuelvo sin vencer" in modern Spanish. I've been unable to discover whether the original quote is correct as the motto or whether Bendini has misquoted it.
- "where it today retains the name Panzernashorn." This is a bit of a non-sequitur. My German isn't up to much, but I assume that this has some intimate connection to Dürer's print?

Hope this helps. Yomangani ^talk 11:57, 16 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks casting your eyes over it. I am quite proud of it, but glad for your further polishing.

That is not a quote - I wrote it based on the account given in Bedini.
I'm not sure whether the rhinoceros ever wore the collar - one was certainly created and sent with it.
impagliato is (I understand) the Italian for "stuffed with straw"
If I could, I would explain the technique, but I have not seen an account. I suspect the drawing was placed over the wood block and the design was pricked out.
Your rephrasing is fine.
There is only one original Burgkmair and one known derivative, a carving in a church in Minden. I have no idea how may original 1515 Dürer printings survive; there were many printings afterwards, and a whole host of "knocked off" copies. It and its derivatives are very well represented in a wide range of media.
The motto is correct - Bedini includes an illustration.
Panzernashorn means something like "armoured rhinoceros".

I also cited the dermatitis (although the source is slightly flakey) and modified your unicorn change (they are properly mythological, after all). But thanks again. (I am slightly surprised that no-one has complained about the format of my external links yet...) -- ALoan (Talk) 12:42, 16 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

The unicorn change you made is much better and the external links look fine to me - I always think that area is a bit of free-for-all anyway. You are right to be proud, it's a good bit of work. (BTW, the motto might make a good addition to the Alessandro de' Medici article). Cheers, Yomangani ^talk 13:19, 16 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, AZ _t 23:40, 16 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks - I am grateful for the comments, automated or otherwise, but I disagree with most of them:

"previous" and "next" are used sparingly, when the meaning is obvious.
I think the section "The rhinoceros" needs a definite article.
Perhaps it is short, but it is perfectly formed :) Tell me what is missing.
"Redundancies" like "a few" or "many" are helpful to give a comparison where relative are available but not absolute figures are not.
Please, anyone, feel free to copyedit. Many eyes, etc.

But thanks again, User:AZPR. -- ALoan (Talk) 12:20, 17 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]