Talk:The Apartment (Seinfeld)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:The Apartment (Seinfeld)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Hi I'm Mm40 (talk · contribs) and I'll be reviewing the article. I tend to be something of a pedant, so please forgive me. If you have any questions/concerns, put them here and I'll respond ASAP. Cheers, Mm40 (talk) 17:40, 29 November 2009 (UTC)

Lead

• Is the production number in the infobox correct?

• Yes.--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

• "after he realizes they might get uncomfortable living so closely together" might be better worded as "after realizing it might be uncomfortable living so close together" or something similar

• Changed.--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

• "to a party, to see what kind of effect this" remove the comma and "kind of" is redundant: "to a party to see what effect this"

• Changed.--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

• I suggest changing "if Elaine would move closer" to "if Elaine moved closer"

• Done.--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

• Fix the grammar after the first comma in the second-to-last sentence.

• Could you be a little bit more specific?--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

Plot

• First sentence: It currently sounds like Elaine became depressed after Jerry overheard the managers; make this clearer

• Better now?--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

• "the two managers" I think "two" is redundant: "the managers"

• Done.--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

• "Though at first excited as well" has two issues: "as well" doesn't make sense here and I think "at first" sounds better after excited: "Though excited at first"

• Done.--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

• "might easily get annoying" take out "easily": "might get annoying"

• Done.--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

• Clarify, does Elaine have to pay an additional $5,000 or just $5,000 in total?

• $5,000 in total, how can I make it clearer?--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

• "makes very loud" should be "plays loud"

• Done.--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

• "regrets he did not let Elaine rent the apartment" sounds a bit clunky; I suggest "regrets not letting Elaine rent the apartment"

• Done, I"ll finish the second half a soon as I have time again.--Music26/11 12:35, 30 November 2009 (UTC)

Production

• "he was surprised" is improper grammar: "which surprised him" or something similar
• "how women would react to it" removes redundancy
• "Filming of the episode took place at the CBS Studio Center in Studio City, Los Angeles, California, where, starting with the season premiere "The Ex-Girlfriend", all filming of the show took place." Do you mean all the season's filming, all filming of all episodes, or all the filming of this episode?
• The last sentence of the second paragraph doesn't make much sense to me.
• "is 5A, it had been changed" the comma should be a semi-colon
• "but it would remain" removes redundancy

• Fixed all issues.--Music26/11 18:13, 2 December 2009 (UTC)

Reception

• "on April 4, 1991, it was part of a" remove the comma and change "it was" to "as": "on April 4, 1991 as part of a"
• "week this episode" I think "the" works better than "this"
• It may not be clear to everyone what a "third season order" is
• Kitchener-Waterloo Record redirects to Waterloo Region Record, so I'm going to create a redirect for The Kitchener-Waterloo Record. Please link this in this section and in reference 9.

• Fixed all issues.--Music26/11 18:13, 2 December 2009 (UTC)

References and External links

• Some references have "Retrieved" before their access dates while others don't

• Only the references with a url need the "accessdate" parameter.--Music26/11 18:13, 2 December 2009 (UTC)

• No, I'm saying some accessdates have "Retrieved" before them while others don't. Mm40 (talk) 20:47, 2 December 2009 (UTC)

• Link the publishers for references 3 and 4

• Done.--Music26/11 18:13, 2 December 2009 (UTC)

• For references 2 and 7, flip the authors names around; it should be alphabetical by last name

• Done.--Music26/11 18:13, 2 December 2009 (UTC)

• The last link under External links is dead

• Removed.--Music26/11 18:13, 2 December 2009 (UTC)

Further improvement

Not needed for GA, but here are some ideas for further improvement

• Add a free image from or about the episode (although this suggestion has been made on all your Seinfeld articles)

• You can read my argument on the "The Chinese Restaurant" FAc.--Music26/11 18:13, 2 December 2009 (UTC)

• Add a Cultural references section like in some other Seinfeld articles

• There weren't enough for a seperate section.--Music26/11 18:13, 2 December 2009 (UTC)

I'm putting this review on hold for seven days, the time you have to resolve what's listed here. Cheers, Mm40 (talk) 17:40, 29 November 2009 (UTC)

• Thank you for your time ;)--Music26/11 18:13, 2 December 2009 (UTC)

• OK, I'm passing the article (note that I've replied to the first issue under References, but that should be easily fixed). So other editors don't have to wait as long as you did for a review, please consider reviewing an article on the GAN backlog. Cheers, Mm40 (talk) 20:47, 2 December 2009 (UTC)