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Talk:Robert Wertheim/GA1

< Talk:Robert Wertheim
Latest comment: 9 months ago by Hawkeye7 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 9 months ago10 comments4 people in discussion
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Reviewer: Usernameunique (talk · contribs) 20:42, 24 January 2022 (UTC)Reply


Lead

  • "in time to join in the occupation of Japan" — Not mentioned in body.
  • More details on missile development needed, since this is what he was known for.
  • The part about MIT feels out of place. It can go in the lead, just should be more smoothly worked in.
  • The Byrd quotation could be added here.

Infobox

  • What is the image's date? Is it not in the public domain as a government work?
  • "Bob" should be mentioned in the article text.
  • "Commands held" doesn't need to be cited, since that fact is cited in the article.
  • "Battles/wars: World War II *Occupation of Japan" — Not mentioned in article.
  • Names of children should be in the article, not here. Does the dagger mean that he's dead? I only figured that out from clicking on the source—it's not needed, especially since it's mentioned in the article.

Early life

  • Anything more to add? Any info between his birth and when he enlisted?
  • Parts of footnote b, particularly the first three sentences, can be added to the main text.
  • Which senator? This can be placed in the main text.

Military service

  • Can this be split into subsections?
  • "In April 1946, Wertheim became engaged to Barbara Louis Selig of West Los Angeles;[15] they married in December 1946." — Create a new "Personal life" section and place this in it.
  • "received orders for" — What does this mean?
  • "Wertheim wished to study nuclear physics, but was due for a sea assignment" — What year is this?
  • "as a lieutenant" — What was he before? Any other previous ranks known?
  • What is the United States Navy Special Projects Office? What did he do there?
  • "After assignment to the Special Projects Office, Wertheim was assigned to the Naval Ordnance Test Station in California." — When? Was this as part of his duties at the Special Projects Office?
  • "the cancelled development of the AIM-9 Sidewinder for naval surface air defense" — Was it cancelled after his work, or was he trying to salvage usable information from a cancelled project?
  • "its naming" — What does "it" refer to?
  • "a report for the United States to sell the United Kingdom the Polaris missile" — Unclear what this means. "a report advocating for"
  • "After his time in California" — But wasn't he in DC?
  • "Wertheim was elevated to the rank of rear admiral" — What was he before? Any further rank information?
  • "he was awarded" — What for?
  • "Wertheim contributed significantly to the National Academy of Engineering's parent organization, the National Academy of Sciences." — How did he contribute?
  • "At some point in his career, before 1974, Wertheim attended and graduated from the Naval Postgraduate School." — Out of place here, especially given the footnote. I would move to earlier, and drop the whole thing into the footnote.
  • "in addition to work on the Polaris and Poseidon missiles" — This sentence feels like it's tossed in and out of place.
  • "In April 1979, Senator Robert Byrd" — From what state? This, and some other material, (e.g., his Navy Distinguished Service Medal, HOF induction, Distinguished Graduate Medal, etc.), should probably be placed into a "Legacy" (sub)section.
  • When did he leave the military?

Post-military life

  • What's a "flag officer"?
  • Is New Mexico Military Institute worth a red link?
  • "Wertheim was a member of Sigma Xi and Tau Beta Pi." — Again, feels thrown in.

Retirement

  • When did he retire?
  • Anything known about his second wife?
  • A fair amount of this can be moved to the aforementioned "Personal life" section. In fact, I'm not sure you need a "Retirement" section at all, because what remains could probably be a second paragraph in "Post-military life".
  • First sentence of footnote h can go in the text.

First set of response to initial review

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Lead

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On the Occupation of Japan, the subject's assignment aboard the Bordelon at Okinawa is considered part of the allied occupation. I have modified the lead to include the missile systems which the subject worked on. I have modified the statement about his graduation from MIT. I am choosing to leave the Byrd quote in the body of the article, rather than the lead, as I don't want the lead to feel to peacocky. diff --RightCowLeftCoast (Moo) 02:40, 1 February 2022 (UTC)Reply

Infobox

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On the image, it is originally sourced here, and is a fair use image, as it is "Courtesy of General Electric Company". Although it says that the Naval History and Heritage Command is the copyright owner, out of an abundance of caution I did not upload it to Wikimedia Commons, out of fear that they would delete it within their editing community. I included the subject's nickname in the lead of the article. Occupation of Japan is part of World War II as far as United States Naval History is considered, and as stated above Bordelon, received the occupation medal during the subject's time assigned to the ship. The sons names are not included in the article body, except for within the notes.--RightCowLeftCoast (Moo) 02:40, 1 February 2022 (UTC)Reply

Early life

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I have scoured the available sources online, and have mined all relative information about the subject I could find, and did not find any information about the subject's life except what is already included in the article; thus if there is information about the subject's life before his attending the New Mexico Military Institute, it is not on the internet or not in a reliable source on the internet. I included information about the subject's parent's within the footnote, as it is not about the subject directly. The source did not include the name of the senator who sponsored the subject's appointment to the Naval Academy.--RightCowLeftCoast (Moo) 02:40, 1 February 2022 (UTC)Reply

Military Service

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Moved engagement and marriage information to the retirement section, and renamed the section; diff. Removed "received orders"; diff. The dates of his assignment to the Norton Sound are not given in sources used in the article; I have not yet found a source which gives those dates. Page 53 of From Polaris to Trident: The Development of US Fleet Ballistic Missile Technology gave the subject's rank at that time. Other sources giving previous events during the subject's military sources did not include his rank at the of those events, except for his commissioning rank; I added it to the article diff. Added information about his 56-61 assignment to the Special Projects Office; diff. Added years for his assignment to China Lake, diff. Modified information about the Osprey/Chaparral development, diff, and diff. Added information, and modified wording regarding the United Kingdom and the Skybolt and Polaris missile systems; diff.--RightCowLeftCoast (Moo) 02:40, 1 February 2022 (UTC)Reply

Second opinion requested in the hopes of finding reviewer to take over

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Regrettably, Usernameunique has been inactive for a while and although they have replied to queries, they have twice failed to resume reviewing on the schedule they themselves proposed. The nomination status has been changed to "2nd opinion" in the hopes of finding a new reviewer to take over the review. Thank you to whoever steps up. BlueMoonset (talk) 19:44, 8 May 2022 (UTC)Reply

Note to nominator RightCowLeftCoast: as best I can tell, you have yet to complete addressing the issues originally raised by Usernameunique, and it would be helpful to any new reviewer if you were to finish doing so as soon as possible. Thank you. BlueMoonset (talk) 19:48, 8 May 2022 (UTC)Reply
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