Talk:iPad (3rd generation)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Czarkoff (talk · contribs) 16:02, 30 March 2012 (UTC)

Status

This section is supposed to be edited only by reviewer(s). Any questions and comments concerning this table should be posed in Discussion subsection below.

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	The phrase "Apple did not disclose in advance what would be announced at the event" in the History section should be reformulated.  Done The sentence "The announcement of the iPad affected the tablet resale market, and Apple's stock price reached a record closing figure on the same day that the Dow Jones Index reached a closing figure of above 13,000 for the first time since the Global Financial Crisis, though it is not a Dow Jones component." in the same section contains the words "closing figure" twice and feels too long. The "though it is not a Dow Jones component" note should be separated from this sentence, as the meaning of "it" isn't obvious and forces the reader to reread the entire sentence.  Done The sentence "At the media event, Cook talked about a 'post-PC world', a world where the personal computer is no longer the center of one's digital life, and of how the 3rd generation iPad will be one of the main contributors of the 'post-PC world'." in the same section should be reformulated to avoid nested phrase in the middle. Eg. "At the media event Cook stated that the 3rd generation iPad will be one of the main contributors to the emerging 'post-PC world', a world where the personal computer is no longer the center of one's digital life."  Done The sentence "Many users have reported overheating with the 3rd generation iPad, especially after running 3D games." in the third paragraph of the Critical reception section is somehow wrong. It should be either "overheating of" or "overheating issues with", with the first solution being preferable in the context.  Done The sentence "Thermal imaging tests were conducted and revealed it has gotten as hot as 116 degrees Fahrenheit." in the same paragraph uses grammatically wrong combination of times.  Done The sentence "It will also be released on March 23, 2012 in [...]" (emphasis added) in the Commercial reception section refers to the past date.  Done The sentence "Demand for pre-orders were so high for the third generation iPad that later orders were quoted shipping times of "two to three weeks" after the order was placed." (emphasis added) is grammatically wrong.  Done Infobox lists several "Audio formats" without explaining the meaning of list. Whatever this list is supposed to mean, the information should be given in the article body in more detail. Furthermore, if those formats are those hardware accelerated, it should be explicitly stated; otherwise this information should be omitted from infobox.  Done In the first paragraph of Software the sentences feel disconnected and some duplicate the statements. The text should be reformulated to make reading easier.  Done In the same section the word iPad (specifically in phrase the new iPad) occurs too frequently. Some way around should be found.  Done
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	The abbreviation "PST" in the History section is ambiguous for non-US readers. It should be replaced with "Pacific Standard Time", otherwise explained or removed entirely.  Done The Features and Hardware sections intersect both in their scope and coverage. They should probably be reorganized into a section with subsections.  Done The Hardware sections discusses the accessories that are not bundled with device. This subtopic probably should be covered under subsection of Hardware.  Done The article sticks with Citation Style 1, but doesn't adhere the work and publisher guidance. The choice of template is also questionable: {{cite web}} is used for press releases instead of {{cite press release}}. Wikilinking inside citation templates is inconsistent.  Done The text of the History section is sandwiched between the image and infobox. The image should be removed or (if absolutely needed, which is not the case IMHO) right-aligned to float under the infobox.  Done The lead section doesn't adequately summarize the article. It speculates about main usage patterns of just released iPad, which are nowhere else stated and sourced; it omits the software changes, which take ¼ of the article length. Actually it does. Article suffers from overlinking. Generally each term is supposed to be linked in first occurrence in infobox, in first occurence in the lead section, once per reference (authors, works, publishers) and in first occurrence in the rest of article. Still App Store is linked twice, Apple is linked in Software while occurs first in History, etc.  Done
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	The statements that are likely to be challenged are tagged accordingly.  Done
	2c. it contains no original research.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	This devise isn't an e-book reader, so the {{Ebooks}} isn't appropriate.  Done
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	File:The new iPad logo.png was deleted. It should get replaced with a new one with proper {{Non-free use rationale logo}} template.  Done There is an ongoing deletion discussion about File:IPad 3 keynote.jpg.  Done File:Apple A5X Chip.jpg displays a registered trademark but isn't tagged as such.  Done
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	The caption for File:IPad 3 Store Lines.jpg is too long. Though most text is appropriate, the "at an Apple Store in San Francisco" part should be removed, as it is pretty evident that the building is an Apple Store, and its location isn't important enough to occupy an entire line of caption.  Done
	7. Overall assessment.

Discussion

Please refer to issue by numbers. Eg., the second issue with 1a criterion is 1a2.

1b1

For the record: this solution isn't the best one IMHO, but this way the ambiguity is solved. Though MOS demands abbreviations spelled in full on first occurrence, this one seems to be known widely enough. — Dmitrij D. Czarkoff (talk) 01:54, 31 March 2012 (UTC)

1a4

I have reworded the phrase and removed the word overheating as I believe that word made the sentence a bit awkward to read even if the suggestions were to be substituted in - feel free to use the suggestions but it just sounds a bit weird to my ear. YuMaNuMa ^Contrib 11:08, 31 March 2012 (UTC)

My suggestion was worse then the new text. — Dmitrij D. Czarkoff (talk) 08:41, 1 April 2012 (UTC)

2b

The citation needed tag in the infobox has been addressed. YuMaNuMa ^Contrib 11:20, 31 March 2012 (UTC)

Not actually. The sound capabilities of iPad are an important aspect. There were speculations on changes before the release and some sources claim sound-related improvements, sometimes contradicting each other. Definitely this topic should get coverage. Furthermore, I would expect the hardware capabilities of the device (eg. hardware audio and video encoding/decoding) covered, though in case of iPad it may be not as critical as in cases of Android tablets. — Dmitrij D. Czarkoff (talk) 08:41, 1 April 2012 (UTC)