"He never married" or "she never married" was a phrase used by British obituary writers as a euphemism for the deceased having been homosexual. Its use has been dated to the second half of the 20th century, and it may be found in coded and uncoded forms, such as when the subject never married but was not homosexual. A similar phrase is "confirmed bachelor".[1]
Usage
editConventional obituaries concluded with a summary of the members of the immediate family of the deceased, typically the spouse, if surviving, and children. The phrase "He never married" thus became a staple euphemism of obituary writers used to imply that the subject was homosexual.[2][3][4] Sex between men in the United Kingdom was illegal until 1967, so few men were openly gay. The ambiguity of the phrase has been commented on, however, by a number of sources. In 1999, James Fergusson, writing in Secrets of the Press about the coded language of obituaries that he compared with the clues in a cryptic crossword, commented, "'He never married' closed an obituary with numbing finality" and asked "Did it, or did it not, mean that he was a hyperactive homosexual?"[5]
In 2006, Nigel Rees dated its use to the second half of the 20th century, and noted that it was not only used without any implication of homosexuality, but that it also served the purpose of avoiding the use of the word "gay" for subjects who were open about their homosexuality but disliked that word.[6] In 2007, Bridget Fowler noted that the phrase was used without a double meaning in her book The Obituary as Collective Memory.[7]
However, Rose Wild of The Times observed that even where it was used in an apparently non-coded form in historic obituaries, the phrase could still be revealing of the subject; Wild gave the example of a school master's obituary from 1923 that stated "he never married", but continued that he "usually spent his holidays in a little inn frequented by seafaring men at Falmouth".[3] In 2017, Wild wrote in The Times that the use of "He never married" began to die out in the late 1980s, "but not before it had become absurd". She noted its "otiose" use in the paper's obituaries for Robert Mapplethorpe (died 1989) and Danny La Rue (died 2009).[8][9]
In 2016, Christian Barker of The Rake observed, "Until quite recently, obituary writers had a habit of concluding with the euphemism 'He never married' to subtly indicate that the subject was gay", but continued by connecting the phrase to misogamy rather than homosexuality, and asserted that there were plenty of examples of "'confirmed bachelors' simply shrugging off the shackles of matrimony and choosing to remain single throughout their lives—experiencing no less success because of it".[10]
"Confirmed bachelor"
editA similar phrase, "confirmed bachelor", was used in the second half of the 20th century by the satirical magazine Private Eye, as one of its many euphemisms and in-jokes. Rose Wild reported in May 2016, however, that she could only find around a dozen examples of "confirmed bachelor" in The Times obituaries, some of which were of a non-coded form, causing her to wonder whether the phrase existed much outside the imagination of the writers of Private Eye.[3]
See also
edit- Bachelor, an unmarried man
- Invert, an outdated term referring to homosexuality
- Lavender marriage, a marriage of convenience between a man and a woman, undertaken to conceal the socially stigmatised sexual orientation of one or both partners.
- LGBT erasure, a term that describes the exclusion of LGBT history from public history
- Same-sex marriage, a marriage between two people of the same sex
- Spinster, an unmarried woman, usually carrying pejorative connotations
References
edit- ^ Roberts, Chris (2012). Lost English: Words And Phrases That Have Vanished From Our Language.
- ^ "Death is the new black". The Observer. 28 April 2002. Retrieved 3 May 2016.
- ^ a b c "Lives remembered with a loaded phrase or two", Rose Wild, The Times, 21 May 2016, p. 27.
- ^ Stollznow, Karen (2020). On the offensive : prejudice in language past and present. Cambridge, United Kingdom. pp. 96–123. ISBN 978-1-108-86663-7. OCLC 1153339731.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: location missing publisher (link) - ^ "Death in the Press" by James Fergusson in Stephen Glover (Ed.) (1999) Secrets of the Press. London: Allen Lane. pp. 148–160 (p. 156) ISBN 0713992654
- ^ Rees, Nigel. (2006) A man about a dog: Euphemisms & other examples of verbal squeamishness. London: Collins. p. 274. ISBN 9780007214532
- ^ Fowler, Bridget. (2007). The Obituary as Collective Memory. Abingdon: Routledge. p. 122. ISBN 978-1-134-21802-8.
- ^ Wild, Rose (16 September 2017). "Don't read too much into the lives of bachelors". The Times. p. 34.
- ^ Wild, Rose. "Lives remembered with a loaded phrase or two".
- ^ "He Never Married" The Case for Staying Single, Christian Barker, The Rake, July 2016. Retrieved 15 September 2018.