camera shy

My kids have experienced over kill with my camera.

This is the face he gives me now.
Aww... come on honey! Just smile for me! Not even a little one?
Okay. Fine then.. I'll move on to my next victim.. ahem, I mean model. He can't run away.
Hello Angel Baby. Oh.. did I wake you? Don't mind me. I just want to take your picture.
Oh come on! Six weeks old and he gives me the hand. This kid is just like his brother!

Babies don't keep

I've been thinking of my Mom today. For the last few weeks actually. Each time we welcome a new baby, the missing starts all over again. She passed away when I was seven months along with Sarah, my first. Little snippets of memory sneak up on me and I wish... I just wish it could have happened differently. That she could be here to rock my babies and drive me crazy like only she could.

I remembered something last night. A time when I came home for a weekend visit from college. She'd been fighting cancer for a couple of years already and her health was poor. The house was a mess. A dusty, cluttery mess. I found her out in her garden rocking her grandbaby in a swing. And I was bothered by the house. By the mess. Why couldn't she just pick up a little before spending time doing something else? Childish thoughts coming from a twenty something child. She was singing nursery songs and bouncing her baby up and down. The afternoon light was just right and they looked so peaceful and happy.
I held my newborn son tonight and breathed in his lovely baby smell. I kissed his perfect mouth and felt a Love so strong it actually hurt. I thought of you, Mom. As I surveyed my messy house I laughed at the lesson it took me ten years to learn. Babies don't keep. I know that now. Thanks for your example Mom. I love you and miss you so much tonight.

My New Life

I watched this tonight My New Life and wanted to share it. After three weeks of sleeping in hourly stretches and feeling the fatigue build night by night, I really needed to hear this. Perspective. I just needed a little perspective.

sisters

My sis came and took care of me for a few days after Owen was born. Her life is so busy and I really wasn't expecting anyone to come. But she did. And I cried all night after she left.

Punk!

You really shouldn't do that to a postpartum, sleep deprived, semi-stable lunatic such as myself. But I'm so glad you did!

morning poetry

"Earth's crammed with heaven,

And every common bush afire with God:

But only he who sees takes off his shoes."

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

When I get bogged down in the day-to-day of raising five children, I try to remember this poem. I want to have eyes that see...